Clown Car Results (And A Prediction)

By Baxter

We cats have reviewed the results of the always-amusing CPAC straw poll. The headlines boil down to this: Rand Paul wins (again), with Scott Walker (oooh!) breathing down his neck. Want a little taste of sanity? Here is our Democratic take on all the right-wing silliness.

THE KIND-OF WINNERS:

• Rand Paul (25.7%): As usual, the Paulies packed the joint. So the "dog bites man" headlines don't hurt, but don't help.
• Ted Cruz (11.5%) and Ben Carson (11.4%): Tied for third, hm. Their results are "meh," but on the positive side of "meh."
• Donald Trump (3.5%): Kinda surprising, but in a good way — for Trump.
• Rick Santorum (4.3%): Better than last time for ol' Ricky-Ticky. Amazing to us cats, since so many of the CPACkers are young'uns. Don't they believe in birth control?

THE BIG FAILS:

• Jeb! Bush (8.3%): If they didn't boo him out of the room, which they didn't, he should have placed better than fifth.
• Marco Rubio (3.7%): See Jeb! Bush, above. They just won't forgive him for immigration, will they?
• Carly Fiorina (3.0%): Exhibit A on the perils of raising expectations.
• Chris Christie (2.8%): Oh, please.
• Rick Perry (1.1%) and Bobby Jindal (0.9%): How embarrassing.

As for Scott Walker (21.4%)? Beware, you cross-eyed college dropout, you. The Jeb! Bush assassination squad that so recently — and so successfully — trained its eyes on Chris Christie will soon be coming after you. We cats wouldn't suggest strolling near St. Basil's Cathedral any time soon. And we PURR.

"Failure To Fund DHS Fully Has Real Impacts On Public Safety"

By Miss Kubelik

Wow, remember 2003? We cats do. It was not "a very good year." Whipping up frenzy for a new Iraq war, Republicans spent their days impugning Democrats' patriotism, declaring that Americans "need[ed] to watch what they say, and watch what they do," and implying that anyone who didn't wear a yellow ribbon hated the troops and the country. All of it said and done in the non-shadow of the fallen Twin Towers. Ugh.

But how times do change. Today, right-wing Republicans in Congress refused to fund the Department of Homeland Security. The media are using words like "shocking defeat" and "stunning blow." We cats are neither shocked nor stunned. The world already knows that John Boehner is the worst Speaker in the history of the US House — and besides, when you don't believe in government, why would you be any good at governing?

So the embarrassment to the Republicans is nearly complete. The only thing we need now is for someone at CPAC tonight or tomorrow to spike the football to wild cheers from the bloodthirsty, chickenhawk whackjobs in the audience.

And you know what? Not only is the GOP putting the country's security at risk, but nobody seems to be pointing out that the DHS debacle is a stark reminder that the Republicans don't give a rat's ass about working Americans. Why else would they be willing to force air marshals, border patrol agents and other essential DHS personnel to work without pay? We cats SNARL and dump our dirty litter boxes over Boehner's and the Republicans' heads.

UPDATE: We save an especially filthy litter box to dump over the racist head of House whip Steve Scalise, whose BIG FAIL sealed the fate of the three-week funding bill. What a bunch of clowns. 

Leonard Nimoy Has Left The Planet

 When we cats heard the news, we let loose with a string of colorful metaphors.

We Had To Get Netanyahu Off The Top Of The Blog. Time For More Red Panda!

Boycott Bibi

By Zamboni

We cats always knew Benjamin Netanyahu was a pain in the ass. But we had no idea he was stupid, too.

Now that he's refused an invitation to meet with Senate Democrats when he's in D.C. next week, we can say it: Yep, he's stupid.

As observers have pointed out, Netanyahu has nothing to fear from Dick Durbin, Dianne Feinstein and their Democratic colleagues. On the contrary: If he truly had Israel's security and survival at heart, he would be clamoring to meet with as many people in Washington as he possibly could. Instead, he's a coward and a fraud — and the worst thing anyone could possibly be: a tool of the Republicans.

We cats so dearly want to see Netanyahu defeated for re-election next month that we can barely allow ourselves to think about it. In the meantime, now that he's been foolish enough to kiss off Durbin and Feinstein, he gave us the perfect opportunity to write our two Democratic Senators and tell them to skip the speech. So we did.

If you'd like to call your Senator or Representative and say the same, dial 202-224-3121. And be sure to HISS.

UPDATE: Here is proof that the GOP's alleged devotion to the state of Israel is an utter sham. A Republican candidate for Governor of Missouri has committed suicide. What was troubling him? As he told The St. Louis Post-Dispatch, the chairman of the Missouri Republican Party had been rumor-mongering that he was Jewish. Any reporter worth his or her salt should ask Netanyahu about this when he's in the US next week.

Harry Reid's Cool New Look Is One Of Ageless Style

P.S.: Get well soon, Harry!

That Was The (Bad GOP) Week That Was

By Sniffles

Boy, last week was not great for the so-called 2016 Presidential contenders in the Grand Old Party. Everywhere we cats turned, we saw bad news for Republicans.

First, all signs are pointing to the GOP getting blamed if the Homeland Security Department goes unfunded. Really great timing, considering that US shopping malls are under threat.

And that's just the mess in Congress. On top of that, several passengers in the 2016 GOP clown car made awkward and unwelcome headlines.

An uncomfortable-looking Jeb! Bush blew a speech on foreign policy. Malapropping his way through platitudes and inaccurate ISIL numbers, Jeb! tried to put daylight between himself and the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived by declaring he was his "own man." Unfortunately for him, it was the same day that he released his foreign affairs advisers list, all Bush/Cheney veterans. (The bad press continues today, with The Washington Post's unflattering portrait of Jeb's customs-criminal wife.)

We also learned that in the world of high-rolling Republican fundraising, Chris Christie isn't looming quite as large these days. His off-kilter behavior and late arrival to the dialing-for-dollars game have would-be supporters writing checks to the husband of the customs criminal instead. Boo-hoo for Big Boy!

And of course, nothing beats the never-ending idiocy of Rudy Giuliani, or the ham-handed handling of it all by the cross-eyed college dropout, Scott Walker. (But Walker is fundraising off it anyway.)

All in all, a pretty bad week. We don't see this one shaping up any better, either — because CPAC convenes on Wednesday. Which means that all the hateful, GOP-primary-friendly but general-election-averse hate speech will just keep rolling along. We cats PURR.

Note To Terri Schiavo: You Won't Bump Into This Guy In Heaven

By Baxter

So the tight-assed Jesuit bastard who "advised" the Schindler family in its never-ending torture of their daughter Terri and son-in-law Michael Schiavo has checked out at the young age of 55. Aww, gee. Not.

As you can imagine, the right-wing anti-choicers who despise government interference except when it suits their own interests are prostrate with grief. But we cats wondered how all those self-righteous "pro-life" busybodies are able to reconcile the apparent will of God with their intolerant beliefs. Terri and Brother Paul are both dead, and their hated Jeb Bush is raking in zillions of campaign dollars for 2016. How can that possibly be?

Seems to us that they've got some soul-searching to do. In the meantime, we cats refuse to be sorry that the Schindler family's pugnacious, judgmental "spiritual adviser" has died and gone to hell. In fact, it kinda makes us PURR.

And Now, A Moment Of Red Panda

Can't get enough red panda? For video, click here.

Maureen Gets "The Cage"

Well, okay, she's allowed to remain free on appeal. But we're sure that Maureen McDonnell's new friends can't wait for the greedy cheerleader to check into the next cell. We cats PURR.

UPDATE: Maureen also flunked the English language today. Addressing the court, she said, "My marriage is broken, my family is hurting and my reputation is in shatters." Oh, Maureen. We think you mean "tatters."

If Only

By Miss Kubelik

So Rudy Giuliani spent all day yesterday running around to various media outlets to defend his atrocious Obama comments. What's that line about how when you're in a hole, you should stop digging?

Too bad Hizzoner didn't pay as much attention to upgrading New York City's police and firefighting communications before 9/11. A lot of guys who went down with the Twin Towers might be alive today.

And Giuliani has made things worse by doubling down on race (although we thought that at first, he was "just" questioning the President's patriotism). You know what? When you have to start by saying "But I'm not a racist," you're... probably a racist.

We cats have often wished that the President's mother had not died of cancer back in 1995. Not just because she would have been so happy to see her son land in the White House, but because she wouldn't have hesitated to bitch-slap Republican knaves and fools for their ignorance and hate. Rudolph Giuliani wouldn't have known what hit him.

No doubt about it: A still-living Stanley Ann Dunham would make the odious Barbara Bush look like a cuddly kitten. Which would have made us cats PURR.

From Transvestite To Trump

By Zamboni

Wow! Here's a photo of Rudy Giuliani in full female regalia, chatting with none other than Donald Trump.

Kind of a coincidence, since we cats were just thinking that with his odious comments this week on President Obama, Giuliani has just out-Trumped Trump. "The Donald" must be furious that someone as "yesterday" as Mr. Judith Nathan has grabbed headline after headline, merely by saying something mean, ignorant and outrageous.

But although in the past we've had no problem with Rudy dressing in drag, or even being a drag (we always thought he was), he's really crossed a line this time. And we fear that no one in the Republican Party will call him to account. In fact, the silence — as usual — is deafening.

Standing out among the GOP clown car passengers saying "no comment" is Scott Walker, whose fundraiser Giuliani addressed. "The mayor can speak for himself," Walker the Weenie said.

Hm. Sadly, we can't imagine any Republican doing much better than that. Which means they should all be ashamed of themselves.

The young Cillizza lad over at The Washington Post claims that Giuliani has "marginalized himself." Well, maybe with clear-thinking, normal Americans, he has. But with the Republican Party? No way. It's pretty hard to marginalize yourself when no one is rushing to condemn you. We cats HISS and dump our dirty litter boxes in Giuliani's lingerie drawer.

Baby, It's You-Know-What Outside

By Sniffles

Sigh. Yes, it's cold. It's winter! And it's February! But since people are silly, we cats feel the need to say three things about the weather.

First, stop complaining and just dress properly already. Layers are good. If you wear the right clothes, coats, hats, gloves, and good socks and shoes, you'll be fine, for heaven's sake.

Second, this winter blast does not mean that global warming is a hoax. We cats hate to refer to anything canine — but we'll make an exception for Neil DeGrasse Tyson, whom we love and who said, "Keep your eye on the man, not the dog."

Finally, if you're really cold tonight, just throw another cat on the bed. And listen to it PURR.

Caught On Tape

By Baxter

You know all those interesting revelations from the Nixon tapes that we've been treated to over the years? Thank Robert E. Herzstein.

That's because Herzstein, a former Carter Administration official and attorney with Arnold & Porter, sued Nixon back in 1974. He did it in the name of countless American historians, reporters and just-plain folks, to keep Nixon from destroying all those damn tapes he made during his godawful-but-compared-to-today's-Republican-Party-almost-not-so-bad Presidency. And Herzstein won.

Now we've learned that Herzstein has died at age 83. But his legacy lives on. We cats are grateful that he helped keep the Nixon years in the sunshine — and not the deep darkness Tricky Dick preferred. And so we PURR.

Still Timely, 50 Years On (Although The Singer's Gone Too Soon)

Flag Wavers, Unmasked

By Miss Kubelik

Now we know what despicable faux patriots the Republicans truly are. In just 14 years, we've gone from "You're either with us, or you're with the terrorists" to "Defund the Department of Homeland Security!" Incredible.

The difference? There's a Democrat in the White House. Oh, and did we mention he's black?

As Washington watchers have pointed out, this is not exactly a good time for the United States to let down its guard. Journalists, aid workers and Egyptian Christians are getting beheaded, satirical magazine offices and kosher food markets are getting shot up, and everybody's worried about radicalized guys with Western passports returning home to wreak havoc. If John Boehner and the GOP allow DHS's funding to lapse, and something terrible happens, Americans will know exactly whom to blame.

Just like they should have blamed the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived for 9/11. Well, the nation was a lot more innocent then. We think that this time will be different. But we cats still HISS.

Bobby Martin Moves On

By Zamboni

There's no doubt that The Washington Post is a shadow of its former self, but every now and then it gives us a good read. Today's profile of a probate judge in Alabama — a conservative guy who's struggling with the whole marry-the-gays thing — is the latest case in point.

It's an interesting, fairly nuanced and blessedly neutral portrayal of a white Southern man who sees the world changing around him once again, and wonders what to do. Although he adorns his office with crosses (ugh), we cats don't really think he's a hater. By the end of the article, you're sure that, had Alabama's jackass Chief Justice not thrown a wrench into everything, Probate Judge Bobby Martin might have navigated marriage equality just fine on his own.

But at the same time, perhaps Martin's not the sharpest knife in the drawer. While he wrings his hands and tries to find a middle ground between his state's lunatic Chief Justice and the eager couples who show up at his door just wanting to get married, the judge unwittingly supplies the answer to his own dilemma.

“The country just outgrows things,” Martin says. “When you have people in the older age group, they have a hard time moving on and accepting things. But they die out, and then new generations are more broad-minded. We just outgrow things.”

Um, yeah. Here's to Roy Moore and his ilk dying out. Sooner rather than later, in fact. We cats PURR.

No, Really: Thanks, Obama

And Not A "Death Panel" In Sight

By Sniffles

As the plaintiffs' standing in the Supreme Court's upcoming Obamacare case falls into doubt, we cats would like to report that a human we know just visited HealthCare.gov and signed up.

The verdict? Painless. Seamless. Found just what he wanted, at an acceptable price, with all of his doctors, office appointments, hospital visits and prescriptions included. And it took less than an hour.

Imagine! Our human friend fell into the hopeless abyss of socialism, and had all of his American freedoms stripped away from him, in less than 60 minutes. At least, that's what the teabaggers think. But he's got health coverage, effective March 1.

What a wonderful way to spend Valentine's Day: Joining the 9 million Americans who are enrolling in Obamacare 2015. We cats PURR.

We Couldn't Agree More

By Baxter

This tweet was not written by a Democrat, but by a member of the Virginia Republican Party's state governing board. Fun!

Goodness gracious, but Republicans in the Old Dominion fight like cats. They are truly vicious about one another. But we still wonder why Jo Thoburn, whose day job is head of the Fairfax Christian School, would tweet that former GOP Congressman Tom Davis's wife is a "slut."

Unless she's been talking to Ethan Czahor lately. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: The Gospel According To Jon Edition

By Miss Kubelik

What a busy news week this has been. We cats have been on sensory overload, but here are some stories that have stood out for us.

The murders of the three Muslim students in Chapel Hill, North Carolina have all the markings of a hate crime. But maybe it's about... parking? This Hicks guy sounds like a George Zimmerman-type neighborhood vigilante. Which means there's one thing we know for sure: Take away the guns, and the Muslim kids are alive today.

Want to tell Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel to cancel his stupid speech to Congress? It's easy: Email him at bnetanyahu@knesset.gov.il. If he still does the speech, write him again and ask for our US tax dollars back.

Why is it that Republicans scream about "choice" only when it's about vaccines and not women's reproductive freedom?

Speaking of which: In all the discussions of the brouhaha that followed President Obama's "Crusades" remarks at the National Prayer Breakfast, we never heard any pundit or columnist ask why we have a National Prayer Breakfast in the first place. And we never heard anyone cite the murders of abortion providers by Christian fanatics.

Finally, there's an old saying that no one's irreplaceable, but Jon Stewart just might be. We cats were fixed long ago, but we've always wanted to have Jon Stewart's kittens. We'll just have to jump up on his lap and PURR instead.

P.S.: Here's the Jon Stewart question nobody's asking yet: Who will be his last guest? Hillary Rodham Clinton? Pope Francis? The Dalai Lama? Start your Internet meme today!

Everything That's Wrong With TV Journalism Today, In One Sentence

By Zamboni

Speculating on the possible ascension of Lester Holt as NBC Nightly News anchor in the wake of the Brian Williams disaster, The New York Times has let a big cat out of the state-of-the-news-business bag:

"Mr. Holt, 55, while widely respected, is not as famous a figure at NBC as Matt Lauer, the co-host of the 'Today' show."

So "fame" trumps respect? Thanks, but when it comes to who delivers our news, we'll take respect over "fame" any day. We cats HISS.

Lest We Furr-get: A Letter From Michael Schiavo

To The Miami Herald:

"I was disappointed by Michael Putney’s Feb. 6 Other Views column about the legacy of Jeb Bush. Putney writes that it was 'doctrinaire liberals' who opposed Bush’s involvement in the tragic case of Terri Schiavo — my then-wife.

"Who is Putney referring to as the 'doctrinaire liberals' who were horrified by the former governor’s intervention in my family’s trauma? The Republican Attorney General Charlie Crist, who refused to take up the governor’s crusade? Republican Senate President Jim King, who fought Bush on passage of 'Terri’s Law?' Pinellas County Judge George Greer, a Republican and Southern Baptist, who looked at the evidence of my wife’s case before having his rulings tossed aside by a governor who never met her?

"Does he mean me, a registered Republican?

"The truth about Jeb Bush is that he used my wife for his own personal political gain. You don’t have to be a doctrinaire liberal to be angry about that. In fact many conservatives were also horrified by Bush’s zealous intervention.

"What Bush did was disgraceful and hurtful. He abused the power of government to impose his personal religious beliefs on me and my family. He made life miserable for my family, the doctors and staff at the nursing home, the police — all because he wanted to involve himself in something that both the law and common human decency told him that no government official should have gotten involved in.

"And every time he should have stopped, he went further: signing unconstitutional laws; sending state law enforcement to seize my wife; using his brother, the president, to get Congress involved; and making me out to be a monster.

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/opinion/letters-to-the-editor/article9637031.html#storylink=cpy

"When his own family came under scrutiny, when his daughter was charged with illegally purchasing Xanax, he pleaded for privacy for his family — privacy that he never considered my family to be worthy of.

"Jeb Bush had no right to do what he did, and voters should consider what someone who used the power of government to hurt so many would do with the power of the presidency.

"Not trusting an elected leader who behaved like Jeb Bush doesn’t make you a conservative or a 'doctrinaire liberal.' It makes you a compassionate human being."

—Michael Schiavo, Clearwater, Florida

February 9, 2015

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/opinion/letters-to-the-editor/article9637031.html#storylink=cpy

Read more here: http://www.miamiherald.com/opinion/letters-to-the-editor/article9637031.html#storylink=cpy

As Aaron Schock Would Say, "Haters Gotta Hate"

By Sniffles

As the world now knows, former RNC chair and Republican campaign mastermind Ken Mehlman is gay.

That would be the same Ken Mehlman who helped craft the successful anti-gay fear-mongering Presidential campaign of 2004, for which he has now apologized.

We cats have never been impressed with Mehlman's attempts to wipe his very dirty slate clean, and we're even less impressed with Republicans who try to hold Mehlman up as proof that the party has evolved from its well-established, platform-embedded homophobia.

But just when you think that the GOP's whitewash is going to be successful, something like Alabama happens. The state's in an uproar, thanks to "Mr. Ten Commandments" and his anti-gay-marriage defiance of Alabama's US District Court (not to mention SCOTUS) — and now, itty-bitty US Senator Jeff Sessions is weighing in. And as you'd expect, not on the side of equality.

"While a number of courts have held the way [the] Alabama court has," tiny little Jeff Sessions said, "others have not, and to me this line of cases…represents an activist judiciary." (Oh, that term "activist." Right wingers trot it out whenever a court does something they don't like.)

So our questions are these: When he was RNC campaign pooh-bah-in-chief, did Ken Mehlman ever bundle contributions for Mr. Sessions? Did he ever contribute money himself to Mr. Sessions? Did he ever meet with Mr. Sessions or with his political team when the GOP's gay-bashing amendment was on the Alabama ballot? In short, what does Ken "Mr. Republican" Mehlman have to say about all this?

The handful of Republicans who have flip-flopped on marriage equality — like Mehlman, Rob Portman and Susan Collins — and who are being used by current RNC chair Rancid Pieface and other GOP political hacks to show that Republicans don't hate, need to be asked to comment on Jeff Sessions and every one of the party's George Wallace wannabes. Until they are, we cats HISS.

Moore's Law(lessness)

By Baxter

Gay rights supporters are, shall we say, titillated — wondering if the Supreme Court's refusal to step in to prevent same-sex weddings in Alabama today could mean that SCOTUS will rule 7-2 in favor of marriage equality nationwide.

That's because Clarence Thomas, suddenly waking up from his perpetual nap, penned a vexed dissent, saying, "This acquiescence may well be seen as a signal of the court’s intended resolution of that question." Joined only by a surely-furious Antonin Scalia, Thomas fussed, "This is not the proper way to discharge our...responsibilities. And, it is indecorous for this Court to pretend that it is."

Leaving aside that it's pretty cheeky for Mr. "Pubic Hair on My Coke Can" to be lecturing others about proper behavior, we cats think this is kind of exciting. Is Thomas really signaling that John Roberts and Samuel Alito will throw in the towel and vote to legalize marriage equality from sea to shining sea?

Nah. We actually don't expect Alito to do that. But Roberts could. That's a guy who's always keeping one big blue eye on his judicial legacy. Remember Obamacare!

So even though Roy Moore is always irritating, when he instructed Alabama judges to ignore the law, he proved that he's not only a jackass but also a sideshow. After all, his Ten Commandments monument no longer stands at the Alabama Capitol. But marriage equality will. We cats PURR.

Lies Of Brian, Part Two

By Miss Kubelik

One of the aspects of the Brian Williams saga that irritates us cats the most is that the transgression that kicked off his scandal last week dates from the fraudulent Iraq invasion of 2003.

We will never forget (or forgive) the media joining the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived's rah-rah "Mission Accomplished" club. While we can understand politicians getting boxed in by the Bush/Cheney rhetoric, for the press there are no excuses. If they don't do their jobs, all is lost. In 2003 and beyond, they didn't do their jobs.

And the more we read about Brian Williams and his behavior over the years, the more repugnant it becomes. It seems that Brian has a childish yearning to play soldier himself — not just inflating his stories but nauseatingly adopting Pentagon-speak ("RPGs," "our bird," "some four-star") in his reports and appearances to imply he's one of the boys, the king of derring-do. He even told Jon Stewart, "Any time you want to cross over to the other side, baby, travel with me."

This gives us the cheaps. We understand that current news anchors and reporters do not have a World War II to get killed in, or a Vietnam War to call bullshit on and also get killed in. But to cheer on the Iraq invasion, barely cover the nonexistence of WMDs, and go on to pretend to be some sort of military he-man is just revolting — especially when so many journalists (who don't get paid $10 million a year) are in real danger around the world today.

Murrow boys like Walter Cronkite understood that you're either a newsman or a celebrity. A reporter or a stenographer. You can't be both. We cats hack up a hairball in Brian Williams's perfect hair, and then we HISS.

(PHOTO: No computer. No smartphone. Just a spiral notebook and a nose for obfuscation, hypocrisy and mendacity. We miss you, Walter.)

Bad Boys

By Zamboni

Now that Vice President Biden has announced that he will be otherwise engaged on March 3, we cats suppose it is time for us to weigh in on the world's biggest pain in the ass, Benjamin Netanyahu.

(Okay, so maybe Vladimir Putin is a bigger pain. But Netanyahu runs a close second.)

At first we wished that Joe could have come up with a better reason than merely being out of town. But then it dawned on us that if the worst Speaker of the House in US history, the Prime Minister of Israel and that used-car salesman of an Israeli ambassador (who is clearly on the payroll of the Republican National Committee) had followed proper protocols, perhaps the Vice President's calendar could have been cleared.

We hope that other members of Congress will follow in Biden's footsteps and discover that they need to wash their hair that day. We're heartened to see that many already have.

But as much as we dislike Netanyahu and believe that it's been Barack Obama's bad luck that his time in office has coincided with his, we know who the true villains of the piece are. And we wouldn't be surprised if, as the weeks go by and he's made to realize the damage that John Boehner and the Republicans have done, Netanyahu suddenly decides that he's got an election campaign to run and cancels the speech.

That would be the one thing that would keep us cats from dumping our dirty litter boxes over Bibi's head. In the meantime, we'll save that gesture for Boehner, and HISS.

The Audacity Of Spoke

By Sniffles

“Humanity has been grappling with these questions [of religious extremism] throughout history. And lest we get on our high horse and think this is unique to some other place, remember that during the Crusades and the Inquisition, people committed terrible deeds in the name of Christ. In our home country, slavery and Jim Crow all too often was justified in the name of Christ.”

We cats are agog and thrilled. When in the history of the US has a President ever said something like this?

Every American and every citizen of the world who has ever imagined himself or herself a person who mattered, can now know that Barack Hussein Obama has their back. We cats PURR.

Lies Of Brian

By Baxter

We cats are traveling, so we haven't been able to keep up on the news as much as we'd like lately. But this week's L'affaire Brian Williams has still  managed to get our attention.

First we'd like to say that we'd just about given up on the network news shows. They are so cheesy. They spend seconds on incredibly important stories in order to run, between a thousand commercials, soft features on raising kids and other stuff we don't care about. As Mrs. Malaprop would say, if Edward G. Morrow were alive today, he'd be spinning in his grave.

So we were unsurprised to see that Williams has embarrassed himself with his silly helicopter story. And while he's apparently repeated this tall tale not just once but several times (to David Letterman and Alec Baldwin, just to name two), there's another, even bigger reason that we find this scandal yawn-inspiring.

It's because network shows like "NBC Nightly News" lost our respect a long time ago, when they climbed aboard the Let's-Invade-Iraq Express and helped the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived to send Americans into battle on a lie. If they're capable of failing that big, why should we be shocked at Brian Williams's little helicopter fib?

But don't get us wrong: Pretty Boy Brian has utterly disqualified himself from journalism. He makes us want to hack up a hairball. At the very least, we HISS.

A Quickie: Christie Quarantines Nurses, But Thinks Measles-Ridden Kids Should Run Wild

By Miss Kubelik

They're barely out of the starting gate for 2016. Nobody has formally declared yet, although some exploratory committees are being formed. But the passengers in the Republican clown car have wasted no time outing themselves and their extreme positions.

This week has brought us Chris Christie, who stepped into the vaccination controversy (forcing his spokesperson to clarify, never a good thing). Then Rand Paul joined the fun. It's a neat demonstration of GOP candidates trying to simultaneously suck up to their government-hating, science-denying, right-wing base and still appeal to mainstream (i.e., normal) Americans. This is going to be very fun to watch.

But in the meantime, we'd just like to know: How can the super right wingers in the Republican Party be so unforgiving about diseases like AIDS and Ebola, but excuse the measles?

We cats don't have kittens, but if we did, we'd make darn sure that they got their rabies shots. It's just the adult thing to do. We don't know why the "party of personal responsibility" doesn't agree. But it makes us HISS.

(IMAGE: "It's time for your shot!")

Our Kind Of Commander

By Sniffles

You have to say one thing about the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived, the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived If Indeed He Were a Person, and everyone who was associated with their disastrous Administration: Their shamelessness knows no bounds.

Here are two former Bush/Cheney officials quoted in an analysis of President Obama's careful weighing of troop casualties in war:

“He never had the steel and fire to be a wartime president. You have to be able to give orders to send people into harm’s way. You have to have the hardness to make those decisions.” (Eliot Cohen, State Department)

“One quality I missed in Obama was passion...I worked for Obama longer than Bush, and I never saw his eyes well up." (Robert Gates, Defense Secretary)

Incredible. First, as SEAL Team Six can attest, Obama has never shied away from sending people into big-time danger. Second, on the question of "passion": Is Gates serious? Is he really saying that it's better to start a needless war on false pretenses and kill 4,500 American soldiers (and God knows how many Iraqi civilians) out of sheer vanity — as long as you get teary about it?

We cats couldn't care less how many times the Worst Person's "eyes welled up" over troops whose lives he squandered for nothing. Give us a thoughtful President who engages in careful deliberations before committing force, and who visits U.S. mortuary officers in Afghanistan and shows up at Dover Air Force Base in the middle of the night. Bush, who so blithely sent men and women to die on a lie, apparently never did. We cats HISS.

Not Ready

By Zamboni

Word is that Republican clown car passengers aren't just out there visiting GOP primary and caucus states. They're also frantically globe-trotting, trying to amass some sort of "foreign policy experience" in order to compete with Hillary Rodham Clinton in 2016.

We cats think it's hilarious. Chris Christie, for example, believes that watching a soccer game in England will qualify him to debate a former Secretary of State about America's role in the world. And although the media usually fail to point it out, Baby Marco Rubio styles himself as an expert on Cuba but has never actually been there.

Secretary Clinton, meanwhile, spent four years doing real-deal foreign policy stuff: helping to open up Myanmar, bringing Chinese dissident Chen Guangcheng to the US, repairing relations with Pakistan after the bin Laden raid, crafting a cease-fire between Israel and Hamas, nudging Iran back to the negotiating table on nuclear arms, and more. We know because we read her 635-page doorstop of a book.

So we think the GOP clowns have some real catching up to do, and they won't get it by visiting a few world capitals and sucking up to Benjamin Netanyahu. And finally, let's be frank about that other Republican shortcoming, shall we? To successfully apply "smart power," you kinda have to be smart. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal-Constitution)