New York Bags The Bags

By Baxter

Tomorrow, New York's statewide bag ban goes into effect.

We cats are thrilled.

Yes, we love playing in bags — but paper ones, folks. Those thin, one-use plastic bags that groceries and Walmarts use — and which end up in our landfills, oceans and trees — are disgusting. No self-respecting cat would have anything to do with them.

New York is also charging a nickel for paper bags, to help wean consumers off disposable bags and point them toward using cloth ones. Which means we'll have to switch to playing in empty cardboard boxes instead. But it is all good.

Sure, there will be people who will grouse about having to keep a stash of reusable bags in their cars and then remember to bring them in when they shop. But in a world in which awful, Trumpian things happen daily — like kids in cages, for example — this is really not a hardship. (And for those of you unfortunate enough to own and walk dogs, get something biodegradable for picking up their poop.)

So suck it up, team! If California can do it, so can the Empire State. We cats celebrate, and we PURR.

Yellen About Recession

By Sniffles

The eldest chinless spawn of Trump has accused Democrats of wanting the coronavirus to kill millions of people so that the "winning" of Benedict Donald will stop.

No, Little Benedict: We just want the government to have an adequate response to the virus so that our stock portfolio losses will stop. It's really not more complicated than that.

Meanwhile, former Fed chair Janet Yellen has mused that mishandling the coronavirus crisis could indeed put the US economy into a recession. Which must be why Trump Junior started bleating: Deflect and project! But what if Yellen's prediction comes to pass? A few thoughts.

Thanks to their stupid tax cuts for the rich and Trump's inappropriate bullying to lower interest rates, the Fed has almost no wiggle room to prod the country out of a downturn. We have record debt in a time of economic expansion, and, hamstrung by Mitch McConnell, a Congress that won't dig us out, either.

Plus, a recession would probably hit the manufacturing sector first. Which, gosh, is already not doing too hot. This would be bad news for Benedict Donald in states like Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, Ohio and Indiana. It would also be bad news for the auto makers in South Carolina, Alabama and Tennessee, and the tech manufacturers in North Carolina. (Electoral College, here we come.)

But why worry? Doesn't Benedict Donald have the best brain to get us out of such a mess? We cats HISS.

Only The Best People

By Hubie and Bertie

Remember this headline? It was Mike Pence's — and Indiana's — worst nightmare back in 2015, when then-Governor Pence bungled his way into the headlines via his clumsy and bigoted "Religious Freedom Restoration Act." That nifty piece of hate-screed sent Indiana's economy reeling and made the Hoosier State the laughing stock of the nation.

So of course Benedict Donald picked Pence as his running mate, and of course he tapped Pence to manage the coronavirus pandemic today.

We cats thought Trump would announce that he'd put a 23-year-old premed student in charge. Just check who's running the Office of Presidential Personnel these days.

It's Pence vs. virus instead, but look who we're getting: A guy who, in addition to the disastrous RFRA (which he had to backpedal bigly on), denied his state a responsible needle exchange program, which caused Indiana's AIDS cases to skyrocket. That's what happens when religious zealots run healthcare: They run it into the ground, and people die.

If it occurred to you that Trump has set Pence up to fail so he can dump him from the 2020 ticket in favor of Nikki Haley, you're not alone. We cats think so, too, and we HISS.

The Future

While a bunch of septuagenarians go after each other on the South Carolina debate stage, we cats are getting a real spirit-lifter from this photo of Greta and Malala's meetup at Oxford University today. Are there not one but two Nobel Peace Prize winners in this shot?

As a famous politician of the '70s said, "You have to give them hope." These remarkable young women do that for us. We cats PURR.

Author Of “Determination of Azimuth Angle at Burnout for Placing a Satellite Over a Selected Earth Position" Dies At 101

The world became less smart today with the passing of "Hidden Figure" Katherine Johnson. It's also worth remembering that the Presidential Medal of Freedom used to stand for something. We cats HISS.

Stocks Catch A Cold

By Miss Kubelik

In the category of "There's a tweet for everything," Benedict Donald might not be real pleased to see this one surface. We cats don't know how much we've lost from our portfolio today, but one thing's for certain: It's going to be something.

Wall Street is nervous about the coronavirus upending the world economy. (They don't really care about people dying — just money.) Meanwhile, it's worth noting that Trump's budget cuts $35 million from the Infectious Disease Rapid Response Reserve Fund and $25 million from the Public Health Preparedness and Response Program.

Will anyone in the media make that connection? Doubtful. They're too busy ginning up unhelpful excitement over what's going on in the Democratic Party (which will change again after tomorrow night's debate) to cover this or a multitude of other stories that would have merited screaming headlines in saner times. Sonia Sotomayor's scathing SCOTUS dissent, the Trumps' never-ending emoluments violations, the hollowing out of the State Department (and now, the DOJ)... all have to take a back seat to the horse race.

It's enough to make you hack up a hairball. Which is preferable to getting the coronavirus, we guess — but right now, we're more worried about what's going to happen in November 2020 than we are about getting COVID-19. (Zoonoses work the other way around, you see.) We cats HISS.

A Jolt For Joe

By Zamboni

So now we're in the run-up to South Carolina. While Joe Biden performed well with African-American voters in Nevada, he needs to do something to shake things up.

We cats suggest he announce his running mate this week.

We've always been in favor of this, even back when the polls had him ahead and he was scaring the bejesus out of Benedict Donald (who then went on to commit impeachable offenses because of it). Biden's age, we thought, should compel him to name a running mate, pledge to serve only one term, and then hand things off to his veep as his heir presumptive.

Now that the cranky socialist from Vermont is proving equally frightening — to us, not to Trump — it's time for Joe to act. Call a press conference and make the big announcement with either Kamala Harris, Stacey Abrams or Cory Booker at his side.

It would give him a shot in the arm and blow the Bernie-is-scary narrative off the front (home) pages. And while Harris, in particular, seemed poised to endorse him weeks ago, she and Booker come from states Democrats will already carry in the fall. So our preference is Stacey Abrams. That would make us PURR.

P.S. Biden's fellow 78-year-old, Mike Bloomberg, could do this as well. Just sayin'.

On The Bright Side

By Baxter

There's been a lot of doomsday-ing going on among Democrats lately. We hold that awful debate in Las Vegas responsible — plus the scary news about Russia, and the finger-wagging of the Senator from Vermont, who seems to think that blaming the media is the answer to concerns about Vlad Putin giving him a leg up. Not good.

So this is your daily reminder that the first four caucuses and primaries (yes, including South Carolina) account for only 4 percent of the delegates needed for the nomination. As we write this, we have no idea how the results in Nevada tonight will translate into delegate selection. Check back with us after Super Tuesday.

Meanwhile, Roll Call has just proclaimed the House of Representatives further out of reach for Republicans this year, thanks to Democratic advantages in recruiting candidates and raising money. Even a Sanders nomination, which is not yet a given, would not necessarily upend that forecast. "There’s no guarantee GOP chances will dramatically improve because his effect isn’t likely to be universal," they say.

As for the Senate, Brian Schatz of Hawaii recently queried his followers: Which race are they most interested in/committed to winning? Our first reaction was: Do we have to pick just one? There are so many delicious opportunities out there. Right now we'd have to say we're most excited about Arizona, where astronaut (and spouse of Gabby Giffords) is leading "incumbent" Martha McSally by seven points. We can't wait to see Gabby standing by Mark's side when the lame-duck Mike Pence swears him in. We cats PURR.

A Laugh Before He's Pardoned

From Tales To Travesty

By Sniffles

Last night's Democratic debate was a frustrating and dispiriting horror show — what we saw of it. See, PBS had this fascinating show on about us: "Cat Tales"! How in the world were we supposed to skip that?

Watching a cat documentary was a much better choice than sitting helplessly by as the Democratic candidates tore into each other about who could remember the President of Mexico and who could not. The real matter at hand is the destruction of our democracy that gets worse by the day. The fact that nobody on that stage had the brains to say "Time out, everyone — we have to defeat Donald Trump" makes us simply crazy. And the moderators, who are just there to incite fights instead of asking serious policy questions, were, as usual, pathetic.

The only way to fix these goddamn debates is to remove the journalists completely. (Especially the repulsive poseur Chuck Todd.) Instead, get moderators who are subject matter experts to ask serious questions. Susan Rice, for example, could ask about national security and the hollowing out of the State Department. Laurence Tribe could weigh in on legal issues like the damage the Trumpsters are doing to DOJ. Bring in someone from the Brady Campaign to ask about guns, or a physician to pose questions on abortion. You get the idea.

And if the journalists say, "We moderate, or you don't get broadcast"? The hell with them. Stream it on the interwebs instead.

We also could lose the dumb, glitzy sets — and let's restore what's left of the DNC chairman's dignity by relieving him of crowd-warm-up duties. We've never been so embarrassed for anyone in our nine lives.

That's our rant. On the bright side, Clayton Williams has died. We cats still remember Ann Richards's reaction when he refused to shake her hand. ("Oh, Clayton, that's baaaad.") And we PURR.

Find The Key To The Panic Room

By Hubie and Bertie

We cats know that the wildly corrupt Administration now in Washington constitutes a national emergency. This November, we will #VoteBlueNoMatterWho. But on the cusp of tonight's Democratic debate in Las Vegas, let us make something perfectly clear.

Bernie Sanders is next-to-last on our list of candidates. (The person on the bottom is the only one for whom we would unequivocally not vote. But that person isn't getting the Democratic nomination, so it's not important.)

Why is Bernie where he is? We'll refrain from re-fighting 2016 and just tell you why we object to him now.

A 78-year-old socialist is never going to win an American Presidential election. Especially not a 78-year-old socialist who refuses to release his medical records after having had a heart attack last year.

And most especially not a 78-year-old who has lied — and had to walk back — statements about another 78-year-old candidate's health.

If Bernie Sanders gets the Democratic nomination, we'll vote for him. But he'll lose 40-plus states, the Republicans will hold the Senate, and we could possibly lose the House as well.

By then, we might as all start looking for rockets to another planet, because ours will be doomed. We cats HISS.

Happy Presidents' Day

Someday, the portrait on the wall will be a woman. (Ya gotta believe.)

Portis Passes

By Miss Kubelik

Charles Portis, who wrote a short novel that we cats simply adored when we were kittens, has died in a hospice in Little Rock, Arkansas. He had Alzheimer's, topped off by dementia — which is really too bad, because he crafted such a singular voice in True Grit's Mattie Ross that it makes us sad to think of it fading.

Mattie was a determined, dogmatic and not-to-be-crossed 14-year-old who, as the novel's first-person narrator, was looking back on her adventures as an even more opinionated, acerbic adult. Her political rants are hilarious. We have no idea how a shy Southern white man could inhabit a late-19th-century girl's and woman's mind so thoroughly. But he did. The book is a treasure.

We adored the 1969 movie. We allowed ourselves to like John Wayne in it even though his politics were terrible. But mostly it was because we had a kitten crush on Glen Campbell, who was a terrific singer but who could not act. We also have the 2010 Coen brothers' take sitting on our DVD shelf. One of these days we'll bring ourselves to watch it.

But whether it's John Wayne or Jeff Bridges, don't rely on the movies. Read the book. It'll take you a single afternoon — or less, because like all good stories, it moves. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: A 1969 True Grit lobby card. Remember lobby cards?)

Situation Normal All Stefanik-ed Up

By Zamboni

The Congressional district they call NY-21 is generally a quiet, picturesque place. Well, maybe not quiet during Saratoga racing season. But most times, we sedately go about our business in charming towns with pleasing historical cuteness.

Except when Trumpsters show up. This past October, a supporter of our Trump-ized Congresswoman, Elise Stefanik, shouted threats at a local newspaper reporter. Referring to the 2018 murders at the Capital Gazette in Maryland, the man brandished a toy gun and yelled, "Hang on Post-Star, we’ve got one coming for you over there, too."

The incident prompted the paper's editor, Ken Tingley, to immediately direct-message Stefanik about how dangerous threats to journalists are. He said his staff feared for their safety, and asked her to publicly denounce the man's behavior. Her response? Silence — until last week, when she sent Tingley a fundraising letter.

"Dear Kenneth, The radical Left has moved my name to the top of their list of conservative Republican members of Congress to defeat," Elise's letter declared. "I urgently need your help!"

And then she really rubbed it in.

"Of course, we cannot count on the biased media to expose the Democrats' horrible abuses of power, their flawed accusations, or their partisan motivations. The smug media elitists have become little more than the PR division of the Democratic Party."

This embarrassing move came in the same week that our solidly Democratic household received a similar Stefanik fundraising appeal. You have to wonder: Who on earth is running her direct mail? Somebody who doesn't know NY-21 — and who apparently is clueless that we have party ID in New York. A real Stefanik-style "Amateur Hour"!

Meanwhile, Elise Stefanik has made an enemy for life in the Post-Star. The next question is, will she ignore this, or snark back with a Trumpy attack? We cats think we know. And we HISS.

Two Years Later, And No New Gun Laws

On February 14, 2018, these people all died at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, because Mitch McConnell & Co. are slaves to the NRA. Let's honor the MSD victims by voting every single damn Republican out of office in November. Every. Single. One.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Fun February Factoids

By Baxter

Surveying the political landscape, we cats see a hodgepodge of curiosities. Here are a few that we're mulling over this evening.

Michael Bloomberg opened an office in New Hampshire the day after the primary. Counterintuitive? Not! Remember, he's in it all the way to November, no matter who the nominee is. And if Al Gore had carried New Hampshire and its four electoral votes in 2000, he would have won the Presidency outright. No Bush v. Gore. No Bush.

Democrats will have to work hard to raise money for their Presidential and Congressional candidates, so we can compete against the Trumpsters' deep pockets. But if Bloomberg is the Democratic nominee, folks won't have to send him a dime. Which means that a lot of money will be freed up for our House and Senate races. Another reason to think about liking Mike.

Clearly William Barr's little act today was a nefarious ruse to keep the New York City bar from going after his law license — or to stave off impeachment and worse. (Democrats still hold the House, you know.)

The Pentagon is diverting $3.83 billion from its budget to build Benedict Donald's stupid border wall. Here's your daily reminder that Trump always said Mexico would pay for it.

Bernie Sanders should release his medical records like he said he would. That is all. We cats HISS.

55 A Day

By Sniffles

We cats didn't post until now because we had to do the math. How many voters has Bernie Sanders lost since the last New Hampshire primary? Here's the answer.

In 2016, Sanders won the Granite State with 152,193 votes (about 60 percent). Last night he won with 73,612 votes (about 26 percent).

Yes, this morning's headlines are "Sanders wins." But when you dig into those numbers, it's not all sunshine and unicorns.

Sanders lost 53 percent of his New Hampshire vote from 2016, nearly 80,000 actual votes, and racked up what might be the smallest margin of victory in the history of the Democrats' first-in-the-nation primary. After all his time, effort and money in the state, Sanders shed 55 votes a day, every day, for four years to clinch his glorious 2020 win. (At that rate, it would take him only 1,309 more days to bleed down to zero.)

Meanwhile, Mayor Pete and Amy "Klobucharge" are breathing down his neck. Remember "The Comeback Kid"? That's a handy reminder that Bill Clinton turned a second-place finish in New Hampshire into victory.

It's a long road ahead, fellow Democrats. Bear down, assume nothing, and pledge to support whomever we nominate. We cats PURR.

Hard Numbers

By Hubie and Bertie

Check this out: In his 2016 win in New Hampshire, Bernie Sanders got 152,193 votes and 16 delegates to the Democratic convention.

Now, on this eve of the 2020 New Hampshire primary, here's our take.

In the last four years, Sanders has never stopped campaigning for the White House. He has more money than any other candidate on the ballot tomorrow — a reversal from four years ago. He's been a neighbor of New Hampshire ever since he moved to Vermont in the 1960s.

So this year, 152,193 should not be his ceiling. It should be his floor.

We mention this knowing that we will vote for the Democratic nominee come hell or high water, whoever it is. But we just want to warn the pundits: Don't let the Sanders campaign spin you, even if he lands in first place. He only got half of his 2016 Iowa support last week — and if he doesn't get more than 150,000 votes in New Hampshire tomorrow, he can't claim a win. We cats PURR.

Rally Cap

Does the Red Hat Society have a hat of the year? If so, this is a strong candidate. We cats PURR.

"Keeping The Republic" Is Expensive.

By Miss Kubelik

It's been a trying week for American democracy. The balance of powers took a hit with the complicit Senate Republicans voting to acquit Benedict Donald of inviting foreign interference in our elections — even though the House had proved its case. And then the chaos of the Iowa caucuses started a lazy-media refrain on Democratic disarray (something we hear every four years because, well, as noted, the media are lazy).

But even in the midst of all this fog, we cats are seeing something coming into focus. It's how we're going to beat Trump in the fall. It's only February. But here are our thoughts.

If Citizens United has permanently screwed over American elections — at least, until another SCOTUS decision or an act of Congress can undo it — let's be honest: The only Democratic Presidential candidate right now who can make it work to our advantage is Michael Bloomberg.

As Bloomberg's campaign manager explained in December, the Trumpsters are running a general-election campaign while we Democrats are busy holding our primaries. (The GOP essentially shut theirs down.) While we're consumed with Iowa, New Hampshire, Nevada and South Carolina, the ever-unappealing Brad "Weird Beard" Parscale is focusing on Arizona, Florida, Michigan, North Carolina, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania — swing states that will decide who wins in November.

But Bloomberg is there. With ads on the airwaves, and with organizers on the ground.

"We’re running ads against the President right now in the upper Midwest, Wisconsin, Michigan, Pennsylvania, and we’ll stretch that to 10 other states,” said Bloomberg's campaign manager, Kevin Sheekey. "Mike has started the general election now on behalf of Democrats and, again, is doing things that are not designed to benefit his candidacy but are meant to weaken the President, so when there is a nominee, we can replace him."

Yes, we're all appalled at big money in politics. But as we've said, Citizens United isn't going away before November. Democrats have a billionaire — a real one, mind you — spending strategically against Donald Trump. It's a brilliant plan to defeat a corrupt, unrestrained incumbent backed by Vladimir Putin. And we think it makes Parscale worried. We cats PURR.

National Emergency

By Zamboni

We cats aren't sure how to respond to yesterday's Trump tantrum(s). Mainly because with his fake impeachment acquittal under his size-52 belt, he's sure to let rip with many more of them. Prepare to have to perennially pick your jaw off the floor.

This is no laughing matter. It's scary as hell. There are already reports that Vindictive Donald and his White House enablers are hell-bent on firing Alexander Vindman, perhaps as soon as today. It's not going to stop there. And as we already know, the Republicans will do nothing to restrain him. We are in uncharted territory in which one of the two major political parties is complicit in what is essentially a Russian takeover of our government from within.

Here is today's GOP: Right wingers like George Conway, Bill Kristol, Joe Walsh, David Frum and Rick Wilson are the model of moderation. The ever-hesitant Willard "Mitt" Romney is the picture of political courage. The party has shut down its primary process, freezing out alternative candidates like Walsh and Bill Weld and crowning Trump the king.

Meanwhile, over at the Department of Justice, who knows what nefariousness William Barr is up to?

If this doesn't motivate Americans to work like hell to win in November, we don't know what will. So here are some very important marching orders to follow between now and then:

• Register to vote if you haven't already, and pledge to get five other like-minded people to register, too.
• If you're already registered, don't rest easy. Republicans are purging voter rolls around the country because they know that if they don't disenfranchise people, they lose. Check the status of your registration often. (Click here.)
• Pick a Senate campaign to contribute to, and if you live in that state, work like hell for that candidate. Many terrific Democrats are running in states like Arizona (Mark Kelly), Kentucky (Amy McGrath) and, yes, South Carolina (Jaime Harrison).
• If you live in a swing Congressional district or have an otherwise interesting House race (as we do), contribute to the Democrat's campaign and volunteer to make phone calls, knock on doors, and get out the vote.
• Support the candidate of your choice in the primaries, but no matter who wins the Democratic nomination, work your butt off for that candidate and vote for him or her in November. Make the margin so overwhelming that Vladimir Putin, Benedict Donald, and his merry band of Trumpster traitors can't rig it. We cats PURR.

Cord Of Steel

BREAKING: Remember America? We do.#ImpeachmentDay pic.twitter.com/tzGPwX7zBG

— Eleven Films (@Eleven_Films) February 5, 2020

 

Ripping

via GIFER

By Baxter

The biggest lie that Benedict Donald told last night — in the last SOTU he will ever give — was that people with pre-existing conditions will continue to be protected under the ACA.

The truth is that the Trumpsters are fighting hard to strip Americans of those protections. They're in court right now — hoping to put off a SCOTUS decision until after the 2020 election.

So tell us again why Speaker Pelosi shouldn't have ripped up that speech? We cats salute her, and we PURR.

App-alling

By Sniffles

What an (ahem) interesting 24 hours it's been. The technical difficulties in the Hawkeye State have only served as another reminder why the Iowa caucuses need to be struck dead for good and all. It's already pretty undemocratic — many people can't give up a whole evening to caucus, those with disabilities often aren't given accommodation, and there's no secret ballot — and yes, at 90-plus percent white, the state is horribly unrepresentative. So it's probably time to stop giving Iowa a try.

But before we get too riled up about last night's Iowa "app-ocalypse," remember that in 2012 it was the Republicans who were a mess. President Santorum, anyone?

Everyone needs to take a deep breath.

Iowa will become a distant memory as 2020 grinds on. But in the meantime, we can declare with confidence that Pete Buttigieg got a boost, Bernie Sanders only got half of his 2016 numbers, and Joe Biden better start dialing for some dollars. We're not sure what to say about Warren and Klobuchar, but after Benedict Donald was caught behaving like a rude six-year-old at his Super Bowl party, it's clear who the enemy is. (That's something Mike Bloomberg seems to get — because he's running another blistering ad right before tonight's SOTU kickoff.)

Our point is this: Whether the Democrats nominate Pete Buttigieg or Pete Townshend, Bernie Sanders or Bernie Schwartz, Joe Biden or Joe Shlabotnik, Elizabeth Warren or Warren Buffett, count us in. Trump must go. That's all that matters. We cats PURR.

Byrd Poop

By Hubie and Bertie

Whenever we cats need a political pick-me-up, we look to Virginia to see what's up. The latest is pretty smirk-inducing. Delegate Wendell Walker, a Republican from Lynchburg, has introduced a bill to remove Harry Byrd's statue from Richmond's Capitol Square — just to get back at all those woke people and evil Democrats who want to tear down Confederate monuments.

Byrd, of course, was a leading Democrat and notorious racist who fought bitterly against school integration after Brown v. Board. (It was a different Virginia, and a different party, back then.) He died in 1966. Today, naturally, he'd be a stalwart member of the GOP. Corey Stewart would probably throw him a welcoming party.

But in the spirit of "be careful what you wish for," there are many Democrats in the Virginia legislature who are dying to vote to take Byrd's statue down. Once Walker realized that his little ploy wasn't going to work, he started desperately trying to withdraw the bill. The House Rules Committee will have none of it. "I thought he was serious and had a reason for taking the statue down, and so he put in a bill in good faith," the Democratic majority leader deadpanned.

HAHAHAHAHA on you, Wendell Walker. Byrd was a racist pig whose likeness should be pulled down and pulverized. Tear the sucker down like Saddam Hussein. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Punching Back Edition

By Miss Kubelik

The Iowa caucuses are tomorrow, and there's some sort of game on TV tonight. In the middle of the craziness, we cats have noticed some feistyness among Democrats lately. Here are our thoughts.

After NBC reported that John Kerry was overheard in a phone conversation about running for President, the 2004 Democratic nominee — who has endorsed Joe Biden for 2020 — got a tad annoyed. He posted (and deleted) the above tweet. Too bad. Kerry didn't fight back hard enough against the Swift Boat smearers, so we liked seeing him get edgy. Put it back up, John!

The detestable Joni Ernst, underwater for her Senate re-election in Iowa and worried about her base, has started impeaching Joe Biden, and he's not even President yet. (You'll recall that Republicans in 2016 declared they would impeach Hillary seconds after she was sworn in.) Who's going to tell Joni that the Democrats not only hold the House, they're going to win more seats this year? Meanwhile, Biden is having the time of his life making fun of Ernst at campaign events."You can ruin Donald Trump's night by caucusing with me and ruin Joni Ernst's night as well," he jokes.

Benedict "Impeachment Is Forever" Donald is still going after Mike Bloomberg for his height, claiming that the former New York mayor was asking for a box to stand on at the next Democratic debate. Trump is so ridiculously childish that whether it's worth engaging with him is always a question. Bloomberg's team has decided the answer is yes.

"The president is lying," said the mayor's campaign spokeswoman. "He is a pathological liar who lies about everything: his fake hair, his obesity, and his spray-on tan." We cats PURR.