Now We Have The Whole Set

 

Benedict Donald said, "Cuba will fall very soon. It may not be a friendly takeover." But Baby Marco's on it, as you can see. We cats still miss Tony Blinken, and we HISS and PURR at the same time.

Gas Up, Donald Down

By Miss Kubelik

NBC News is out with a new poll that shows Benedict Donald laboring under a 54 percent disapproval rating. Hmmm. If you ask us, his numbers are probably a lot worse. Oil prices have jumped, the Dow is sinking, and that's on top of the unspeakable images from Dover this weekend. As it turns out, wearing a baseball cap and looking down your pants at a dignified transfer ceremony doesn't go over well.

Trump wants us to believe that the increasing cost of gas is just a "short-term" problem (it isn't), and that it's going to "drop rapidly" (it won't). Since he's always had people driving him around and has never run an errand in his life, it hasn't occurred to him that paying more for gas has far-reaching effects: DoorDash deliverers and folks like plumbers, roofers, housekeepers, and babysitters (in short, anybody who drives to your home to provide a service) are all going to have to jack up their prices. Are you moving this summer? You'll pay extra for the truck that hauls your furniture. Going on vacation? The cost of flying or taking the train is going to climb, too. It's not going to be a pleasant summer.

Republicans are already in a panic about the elections in November. Why else would they refuse to boot Tony Gonzales out of Congress and hope that his decision to retire would suffice? They must preserve that slim majority in the House, even if it means working alongside a guy who sexted a staff into self-immolation. We cats HISS.

We've Lost Larner. What Do We Do Now?

By Zamboni

You probably don't know Jeremy Larner, who died a few weeks ago. But he wrote one of the best — if not the best — political screenplays of all time. And even though he wrote it back in 1972, it's barely dated. (Young women in miniskirts and straw boaters no longer dance in kick lines at campaign rallies, thank goodness.) That must mean the foibles and outrages of American politics are still true. In fact, they're worse. We cats PURR at Larner for a job well done, and HISS at the rest.

These Are Hilarious, But We Miss Tony Blinken

 

Now all we need is Marco Rubio as Fidel Castro, and we'll have the whole set. We cats PURR.

Noem No More

 

By Baxter

We cats were already feeling pretty good this morning about everybody who showed up for Tuesday's primary in Texas. "Democratic turnout reached record levels, as more voters participated in the party’s primary than in the Republican one," CNN reported. Turnout was strong in North Carolina, too. Excellent!

And then Benedict Donald proved the interwebs rumors right and fired puppy killer Kristi Noem. Fun!

What's even better is that Noem seems to think that "Special Envoy for the Shield of the Americas," which Trump totally made up when he sacked her, is a real job. "Thank you, POTUS!" she tweeted. Donald promised to provide more details about the "shield" soon, but considering his erratic behavior, we think there's a non-zero chance that that announcement never comes.

It's also pretty amusing, if in a grim way, that the media and the tweeters and observers are treating Noem's firing as a Donald decision. Trump is in such bad shape, both physically and mentally, that Stephen Miller is running the joint like no one has since Edith Wilson back in 1919. Gossip has it that Miller highly disapproved of Noem's extramarital nookies with Corey Lewandowski — which is hilarious when you consider who he works for. And Miller no doubt didn't appreciate Noem's stumble back in January, when she said, "Everything I’ve done, I’ve done at the direction of the President and Stephen."

(Speaking of adultery, how long, do you think, before the Noems land in divorce court? "Bryon" can't have been pleased to be a prop at yesterday's House hearing, even though he left before members started asking his wife about fucking Lewandowski on the plane.)

Markwayne Mullin, meanwhile, is a subject for another post. We're holding off because there's also a non-zero chance that his "nomination," if you can call a post on Truth Social that, eventually crumbles. But although the world is better without Noem at DHS, she's done a ton of damage that has to be repaired. And the tragedy is that Trump didn't remove her for her many failures and outrages — he fired her for making him look bad on television. We cats HISS.

Texas Roundup

By Sniffles

The Democratic nominee for US Senate in Texas is a devout young man who calls out evangelical hypocrites with the actual words of Jesus, and wow, do they hate that. That's a side of James Talarico that we cats like a lot. But we do feel bad for Jasmine Crockett. Our hope now is that Texas Democrats have a kiss-and-make-up party like the one Maryland Democrats threw after their combative Senate primary in 2024. (Angela Alsobrooks went on to win the seat in November.)

Meanwhile, Republicans in Texas are a little grumpy that their Senate candidates, incumbent cipher John Cornyn and wildly corrupt MAGAt Ken Paxton, are headed for a runoff. Neither got more than 50 percent of the vote last night, and neither had received an endorsement from Donald Trump. But maybe it'll happen soon. Trump is promising that it will, and he wants whoever he passes over to quit the race.

In other words, Trump is auctioning his endorsement to the highest bidder. Which candidate will promise the most grift and graft in return for Donald's support? (Paxton seems like the likely expert in the field.) On the other hand, who will be more supine in the Senate? (Sounds like Cornyn, hands down.) On top of that, Senate Republicans are agitating for Trump to back Cornyn and put an end to all this.

But why would Paxton drop out? The runoff is May 26 — the Tuesday after the Memorial Day weekend, just tailor-made for a low turnout. Expect the MAGA fervent faithful who adore Ken to be much more motivated to vote that day than Cornyn's jaded elite.

Finally, what will distant-third-place-finisher Wesley Hunt do? If he were smart and kind of diabolical, he would get out in front of Trump and make an endorsement now — particularly if he was annoyed that he didn't earn Trump's support in the first place. It's hard to imagine him lining up behind Cornyn since Cornyn's team blamed its under-50 performance on Hunt's "vanity campaign" (ouch). Think of the mischief Hunt could make! That would make us cats PURR.

Tillis Is Tops (With Caveats)

By Hubie and Bertie

Lots of news in the firehose tonight, but what really stood out for us was Republican Senator Thom Tillis raking puppy killer Kristi Noem over the coals in today's Senate Oversight Committee hearing.

What we really like about it is that Tillis drew a direct line between Noem killing her dog to the lax training of the ICE agents who have detained, abused, and murdered American citizens, in Minnesota and elsewhere. That needed to be done, and was excellent work, Senator! Still, we wish that you and your fellow Republicans would not wait until (like you) you're retiring to call a spade a spade.

Our other question was: Why did Noem come to this Congressional hearing dressed like she was going to a party? Her hair was FOX-News-fluffed-out to the nth degree, she was flashing cleavage, and she was sporting a huge pair of dangling earrings. This is professional? This communicates her dedication to DHS's responsibility to protect Americans' safety? We think not. Please, universe, return us to the days of serious people at the head of serious government agencies, taking Congressional testimony seriously. We cats HISS.

World War Epstein Via De Adder Du Jour

Now we've had four service members killed in Trump's and Netanyahu's war against Iran. The casualty figure should actually be zero — because, well, obviously. Let's hope the American military families getting bad news are comforted that their loved ones died for Donald's shady business empire. We cats HISS.

World War Epstein

By Miss Kubelik

Now that the two Worst Persons Who've Ever Lived have plunged us into a war that nobody voted for (not Congress, not us), people are asking: What is the goal? What's the plan? What's the strategy? (Is there one?)

It's kind of hard to tell, since Benedict Donald hasn't troubled himself to speak to the nation about any of this. In fact, he's been under wraps — he must still be recovering from that endless SOTU.

Unfortunately, however, we cats know what the plan is. It's as obvious as the fake-gold gewgaws currently besmirching every surface of the Oval Office: Decapitate the Revolutionary Guard. Suppress the popular cries for democracy. Instead, install the Shah's son Reza Pahlavi as a puppet president. Once in power, Pahlavi will be free to merrily grift and graft in the finest traditions of Donald Trump.

In return, Trump will get:

• Control of the oil fields,
• Control of the other extraction industries like copper and zinc,
• Control of the Iron, steel, and petrochemical industries,
• Thirty-six miles of Persian Gulf coastline for tourist development, plus golf resort opportunities in the interior, and, of course...
• A shiny new Trump Tower on Pahlavi Square in Tehran.

In short, no nation-building here — just corruption on the scale of an entire national economy. And if anyone tries to claim that the Constitution prevents a President from unilaterally deploying the military to build his business empire, there are five to six justices on the Supreme Court who would probably disagree. We cats HISS.

Posting This Again For No Particular Reason