CRAP (Congressional Republicans Always Punt)

By Sniffles

John Thune and his merry band of spineless Senate enablers were — well, not so merry today. With the entire world throwing up over Benedict Donald's billion-dollar slush fund for Trumpsters who beat cops, their reconciliation bill was stuck. Finally, they just called it a day and went home. (This was after House Republicans put the Iran war powers resolution on ice — they didn't have the votes to kill it.)

Meanwhile, Americans are paying a shit-ton more for gas, groceries, and healthcare, and the GOP — in charge of all branches of the federal government — are doing nothing about any of it. It's not governing by morons — it's complete and utter non-governing. (By morons.)

It's becoming increasingly clear that if you stand up and say no, good stuff happens. Remember, Democrats refused to bend on funding for ICE and border patrol. Eventually, the Republicans buckled and passed Homeland Security funding, thinking they would take care of the rest in reconciliation. Well, it didn't quite turn out that way, did it?

Donald, wanting billions for his silly ballroom and for insurrectionists, has put his party — you know, the one that the media say he has in an "iron grip" — in this terrible bind. And now, we have unhappy Republicans in disarray. Hanging tough pays off. We cats PURR.

Paxton Wins Endorsement — Cornyn, Senate Republicans, And Texas Kids All Lose

By Hubie and Bertie

The Republican Senate runoff in Texas is next Tuesday, May 26. And now the hapless incumbent, John Cornyn, has gotten a nasty surprise.

Benedict Donald had neglected to support either Cornyn or his crazy and corrupt primary opponent, state Attorney General Ken Paxton — even though he had promised an endorsement ages ago. Then, he somehow let it slide, and some pundits and observers were wondering if he'd just stand aside and let things play out.

Well, not anymore. Today, Trump endorsed Paxton.

Cornyn is stunned, and Senate Republicans are furious. Paxton, they believe, is the much weaker candidate, so Trump may have just handed the seat to Democrat James Talarico (wouldn't it be loverly)? Majority Leader John Thune, who had been lobbying Donald for Cornyn, tried to get past reporters without saying much of anything beyond "It's his decision." We cats offer a shake of the hand and a fat Daniel Webster cigar to the first journalist who asks, "And you're surprised?"

Any Republican who's shocked by this is too stupid to be in the Senate. But there they are. It's baffling how they continue to delude themselves about the malevolent toddler who controls their party. Each one of these guys is certain that he'll be the one to figure out, sidestep, or somehow survive Trump's wrath.

And one other thing: If they had been paying attention, they would have noticed Paxton's "settlement" with Texas Children's Hospital last week. The unholy agreement is making the hospital pay $10 million in Medicaid reimbursements (even though it denies any fraud took place), fire five doctors who provided gender-affirming care, and establish a "detransition clinic" (ugh). In other words, Texas Children's caved to Paxton and agreed to bully trans kids.

Did these shocked Republicans not figure out that maybe Paxton timed the settlement to force an endorsement in his Senate race? After all, transgender people are one of the groups at the top of Trump's hate list. It's kind of beyond coincidental, don't you think? We cats HISS.

Le Chandail De Hockey

By Miss Kubelik

The jury is out on the new Quebec premier, Christine Fréchette. Everybody hated her predecessor, but we're expecting Fréchette to still champion a separation referendum — even though a majority of Quebec voters are not interested. (Can't let Alberta have all the fun, right?)

But she sorta gets points for giving French President Emmanuel Macron a Canadiens hockey jersey today. (The name on the jersey is Canadien forward Alexandre Texier, a native of Grenoble, France).

She has to be happy that her gesture turned out not to be an empty one, since the Habs managed to eliminate the Buffalo Sabres in the Stanley Cup playoffs tonight. But we'd caution her on the fall referendum. Canada is feeling especially unified these days, and we can all thank Benedict Donald for it. Like the Republicans' efforts at gerrymandering, perhaps the Canadian separatists should be careful what they wish for — or at least come to realize that they've chosen the wrong time. We'll see. In the meantime, we cats PURR.

Large Numbers

  

By Zamboni

For awhile this morning, the lede story on the homepage of The New York Times was about its latest NYT/Siena poll, which had Benedict Donald's approval ratings — across the board — in the toilet.

It's really tough to find a historical precedent for numbers like this. You're reaching back to Richard Nixon in the last throes of Watergate (approval at 24 percent), but the poll's internals tell an even starker story. It's so bad that you'd be forgiven for expecting to see Rabbi Korff show up in the East Room soon.

Trump is underwater with Latino voters by 51 points. Down with young voters age 18 to 29 by 57 points. Lagging among independents by 43 points. These three groups were key to his win in 2024, and it makes you wonder how wiped out the Republicans would be without all their desperate, racist gerrymandering and voter suppression.

The poll also found Democrats with an eye-popping 14-percent advantage on the generic ballot — despite the corporate media's lazy drumbeat that nobody likes us. Heck, the poll shows Latinos favoring Democrats by 30 points. When will the press wake up and smell the cafecito? We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Disrespecting Our Honored Dead

By Baxter

We cats were trying to think of the most affecting video to accompany the story about FBI Director Kash Patel's special "VIP snorkel" excursion at the USS Arizona memorial last summer.

Was it the newsreels from 1941? (Too many "Jap" references, ugh.) Or the clips from 1943's Air Force, or 1953's From To Here to Eternity? In the end, we decided on Pearl Harbor (2001), which, despite its faults, really packed a punch about how ordinary people — military and non-military alike — experienced the attack.

We're only doing this to (we hope) show how disrespectful it was for FBI Idiot-in-Chief and third-rate podcaster Kash Patel to have snorkeled above the USS Arizona memorial last year.

VIP snorkels are only granted on rare occasions. As in: You have the cremains of an Arizona survivor, and you want to scatter them there. Otherwise, recreational excursions are strongly discouraged.

Benedict Donald has already called the Americans who fell at Normandy "suckers and losers." Now, we have this Patel party dive on the Arizona. How revolting. And how much more will it take for Americans to turn on these Trumpsters? We cats HISS.

"Play-It-Down-The-Middle" Bill Cassidy Loses Big

By Sniffles

Louisiana Senator Bill Cassidy lost his primary for re-election yesterday. In fact, he came in third. The last Republican Senator to come up this short was Luther Strange in Alabama, in 2017.

But Luther Strange didn't vote to convict Benedict Donald in his second impeachment trial. So there you go. (We'll see if the Trumpsters can similarly unseat Kentucky Rep. Thomas Massie on Tuesday.)

We cats are not crying big tears over Dr. Cassidy, since he compromised all his principles to shepherd through RFK Jr.'s confirmation as HHS secretary. Sorry, Bill — you've actually also violated your Hippocratic oath. Allying with the Trumpsters not only has put Americans at risk but has been a death sentence for thousands of people abroad who depended on support from USAID. We don't know how you can live with yourself, but perhaps you have some innovative coping mechanisms.

Anyway, as the saying goes, Everything Trump Touches Dies. The other interesting aspect of yesterday's election is that Democratic turnout was nearly 345,000 votes — a respectable number in a crazily red state. We're thinking that people of color and other minorities don't like it when the ruling class decides to try to erase them. Maybe they channel that anger by turning out to vote instead. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Stuff We Don't Love Edition

By Hubie and Bertie

There are times when the news isn't so bad. This past week didn't qualify. Here are the stories that we found especially annoying today.

Why in the world would Governor Jared Polis commute the unrepentant Tina Peters's jail sentence? Especially now, with all the Trumpy election f*ckery going on around the midterms. This is a despicable act — and by a Democrat, no less. As Senator Michael Bennet said, Peters "broke the law, undermined our elections, and was convicted by a jury of her peers. With Trump continuing to attack Colorado, we must stand strong for our institutions and the rule of law." (And Jared, you can kiss any Presidential ambitions you had goodbye.)

In the category of "Not A Surprise," SCOTUS has refused to let Virginia use the new map that the voters endorsed and which the Virginia top court unceremoniously tossed out. You'd think we'd be used to it by now, but the hypocrisy of the Roberts Court is still breathtaking — they allowed Texas's mid-decade gerrymander, even though it wasn't approved by anybody except Greg Abbott. Maddening.

On the sporting side, about 13,000 fans turned out in Quebec City's Videotron Centre last night to watch the Montreal Canadiens beat the Buffalo Sabres — on a jumbotron, not on the ice. No players skating in front of them, but they still cheered the Habs on to victory. But hey — let's try a new expansion team in Arizona or Atlanta instead. NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman just knows it's going to work this time.

And of course the biggest and most awful thing is the rapid re-descent into Jim Crow that we're witnessing since the Supremes' Callais decision. We haven't been this depressed since they overturned Roe and Southern states rushed to deny women their bodily autonomy. But if you're looking for a way to vent your frustration, make plans to join an All Roads Lead to the South rally tomorrow. We cats PURR. 

First Nations Should Come First

By Miss Kubelik

Quite a smackdown yesterday for the silly separatists in Alberta, Canada. A judge in Calgary squashed their petition for an independence referendum, saying that Alberta should have checked in with its Indigenous citizens and how they think secession would affect their treaty rights.

No surprise that the Maple MAGA white guys who want to leave Canada brushed the First Nations off. But how sad for them, since they swore they had collected well over the 178,000 signatures needed to force the referendum onto October's ballot. (They also managed to screw up by posting the private data of almost three million Albertans on the interwebs, and somebody may get hauled off the hoosegow over it.)

Moral of the story: You can't hold a referendum on whether to take something that isn't yours in the first place — like land covered by treaties that predate the creation of your province. The separatists' racism and sense of entitlement blinded them to this simple fact. We cats HISS and them and PURR at everything else.

"Be Very Careful What You Pray For"

By Zamboni

The world is on tenterhooks, waiting for the results of FBI Director Kash Patel's alcohol test.

LOL. Like it's gonna happen.

So let's talk about something that did happen: The South Carolina state senate has refused to consider redistricting itself for the 2026 midterms. The vote was 29 to 17. The Republican governor didn't back redrawing the districts, either, but last week, the state house went ahead and passed a calendar extension to get it done. Yesterday's senate vote was a smackdown of that vote — and of Benedict Donald.

None of this especially noble. The state senators didn't suddenly wake up and realize how wrong it would be to erase the votes of more than a million Black citizens. They just didn't think they could redraw the maps in time for an early June primary. And maybe they took note of Jim Clyburn's warning the other day: Trying to wipe out his district could put three and maybe four Republican seats in play. We cats PURR.

Rock-A-Bye, Donald

By Baxter

After the rumpus that the media kicked up over Joe Biden's debate performance nearly two years ago, why don't journalists ask what the heck is up with Benedict Donald? Biden's bad debate was a single event. But Trump has appeared both mentally and physically compromised for months, in many different ways.

Today, he fell asleep during a public event (again). He can't walk a straight line from Marine One to the White House, and he when he descends the stairs from Air Force One, he grips the handrails for dear life. Every month he disappears for days at a time, and then re-emerges with bruises on the back of his hands, slathered in bad makeup.

He rarely holds road rallies now, and when he does go out in public, there are strange bulges under his suit that suggest Foley catheters or ventricular assist devices (placed as a bridge to a heart transplant).

Yes, it's an old saw at this point, but can you imagine if Joe Biden did stuff like this? Jake Tapper would be busy churning out his seventh book. (That's how many deadly sins there are, you know.)

The press's lack of curiosity has naturally left the rest of us to indulge in speculation. Currently, the favored narrative is that Team Trump is quietly preparing not just for a Democratic Congress (yes, please) but for a time, perhaps soon, when Donald is decedent or completely incapacitated — when the ruse can't be sustained anymore, even with our compliant, knee-bending media. The question in our furry minds is: What, if anything, are the Trumpsters telling Vance? We're guessing, not much. It might be the most flagrant instance of keeping a veep in the dark since Roosevelt and Truman in 1945. We cats HISS.