John Cornyn Ass-Snorkels Trump, Gets Beat Anyway

By Miss Kubelik

As Richard Nixon liked to say, let's make one thing perfectly clear: Benedict Donald's endorsement did not make Ken Paxton's Senate runoff victory in Texas possible yesterday. Benedict Donald made the (late) endorsement because he already knew that Paxton was going to win. The MAGA tea leaves were clear, and you know how Trump hates to be associated with losers.

Which means that not only is there a clearer path for Democrat James Talarico to get elected in November, but Texas Republicans just threw away more than two decades of Senate seniority for their state. (The 49 other states in the union say, "Thanks, guys!") And the relationship between the GOP Senate caucus and the White House just got uglier. Get ready for some fun when lawmakers return to DC next week.

It's doubtful that John Cornyn will take advantage of the fact that he's been unleashed. We don't see him going anti-Trump the way Senator Bill Cassidy did after he lost in Louisiana. Most likely — because he's a traditional dude, a near-Senate-Majority Leader, and an institutionalist — he'll remain mostly silent about his humiliation. But we can't say the same for his supporters.

Talarico wisely held out an olive branch to Cornyn voters last night, assuring them that they were welcome in his camp. So it'll be interesting to see what, for example, the Lone Star State's blue-haired Barbara Bush ladies do going forward. Surely they're appalled at their official Senate candidate. Will they close their checkbooks? Probably. Will they even show up to vote? Uncertain. Or will they do the right thing and turn out for the Democratic seminarian in November? To the GOP's consternation, it's possible. We cats PURR.

In Love With Leo

By Zamboni

Ever since Elon Musk took it over, Twitter has become a cesspool of MAGA madness, Nazis and racism. So you can imagine how they're reacting to what Pope Leo's been up to this week. (We don't recommend scrolling through any of their threads.)

If Leo has turned out to be a thorn in Benedict Donald's side, he drove himself in deeper yesterday with his encyclical calling for AI regulation, something the Trumpsters are definitely not keen on. But since Trump is probably the most racist President since Woodrow Wilson, what really must stick in his craw is the Pope's apology for how the Catholic Church historically enabled the slave trade.

"Already in the early modern period, the Apostolic See of Rome, responding to the requests of sovereigns, intervened several times in order to regulate and legitimize forms of subjugation, and, in certain cases, including the enslavement of 'infidels,'" Leo wrote. "For this, in the name of the church, I sincerely ask for pardon."

We wouldn't be Catholics for a zillion dollars, but gosh, we're awfully smitten with this Pope. We love anyone who drives Trump and his minions crazy, but leave it to journalist and historian Rachel Swarns to remind us what's important in all this. "I have spent nearly a decade documenting the Catholic Church’s involvement in the American slave trade, but this news hit me first as a Black Catholic," she wrote. "I have held tight to my faith, as the church has begun grappling with this history, and today I feel so deeply moved." We cats PURR.

De Adder Du Jour

 

Michael de Adder is just one of the best political cartoonists around. We cats wish him a happy birthday today, too! And we PURR.

(IMAGE: deadder.net)

Cat Fight! John Cornyn Vs. Ken Paxton

By Baxter

If you want to find some fun this Memorial Day weekend, look no further than Texas, where John Cornyn and Ken Paxton are scrapping like mad, wet cats before Tuesday's Republican Senate runoff.

"In a race that’s been defined by personal shots, the latest online dust-up between the two underscores the difficult path forward for the Texas GOP," POLITICO reports. "The fighting between the two camps has gotten so ugly that some Republicans are fearful it will dampen turnout in the midterms, hurt down-ticket Republicans — and possibly cost them the seat." (Yes, please.)

Meanwhile, we cats have returned from being away a few days to find the "Senate-Republicans-are-livid-about-Trump's-Paxton-endorsement" story still going strong. Kind of surprising since they're mad about a whole bunch of things — particularly about Benedict Donald's zillion-dollar terrorist slush fund. (After all, they can read a poll.)

But it's not difficult to understand they're so pissed about Trump stiffing Cornyn. John Cornyn may be an unexciting institutionalist to the MAGA faithful (and to anyone else who gives him at least a moment's thought), but in GOP circles he's been a prodigious fund-raiser. He chaired the National Republican Senatorial Committee during the 2010 and 2012 election cycles, and has always been tight with the moneybags types. And he's been generous to his Senate colleagues.

Imagine if you're a baby Republican from a state like, say, North Dakota, with a limited universe in which to raise cash. A good fund-raising friend like Cornyn can not only help get you elected/re-elected, he can help keep the Senate in your party's hands so you can taste at least a little bit of power on Capitol Hill.

If you drill down far enough — and it usually doesn't take long — you'll find that every story like this springs from a question of money. What will Senate Republicans do for spare change, without their longtime friends John Cornyn and (since he's retiring) Mitch McConnell? They could end up in the minority, and guys like Ken Paxton won't raise a dime for them. But he'll post a few mean tweets. We cats PURR.

CRAP (Congressional Republicans Always Punt)

By Sniffles

John Thune and his merry band of spineless Senate enablers were — well, not so merry today. With the entire world throwing up over Benedict Donald's billion-dollar slush fund for Trumpsters who beat cops, their reconciliation bill was stuck. Finally, they just called it a day and went home. (This was after House Republicans put the Iran war powers resolution on ice — they didn't have the votes to kill it.)

Meanwhile, Americans are paying a shit-ton more for gas, groceries, and healthcare, and the GOP — in charge of all branches of the federal government — are doing nothing about any of it. It's not governing by morons — it's complete and utter non-governing. (By morons.)

It's becoming increasingly clear that if you stand up and say no, good stuff happens. Remember, Democrats refused to bend on funding for ICE and border patrol. Eventually, the Republicans buckled and passed Homeland Security funding, thinking they would take care of the rest in reconciliation. Well, it didn't quite turn out that way, did it?

Donald, wanting billions for his silly ballroom and for insurrectionists, has put his party — you know, the one that the media say he has in an "iron grip" — in this terrible bind. And now, we have unhappy Republicans in disarray. Hanging tough pays off. We cats PURR.

Paxton Wins Endorsement — Cornyn, Senate Republicans, And Texas Kids All Lose

By Hubie and Bertie

The Republican Senate runoff in Texas is next Tuesday, May 26. And now the hapless incumbent, John Cornyn, has gotten a nasty surprise.

Benedict Donald had neglected to support either Cornyn or his crazy and corrupt primary opponent, state Attorney General Ken Paxton — even though he had promised an endorsement ages ago. Then, he somehow let it slide, and some pundits and observers were wondering if he'd just stand aside and let things play out.

Well, not anymore. Today, Trump endorsed Paxton.

Cornyn is stunned, and Senate Republicans are furious. Paxton, they believe, is the much weaker candidate, so Trump may have just handed the seat to Democrat James Talarico (wouldn't it be loverly)? Majority Leader John Thune, who had been lobbying Donald for Cornyn, tried to get past reporters without saying much of anything beyond "It's his decision." We cats offer a shake of the hand and a fat Daniel Webster cigar to the first journalist who asks, "And you're surprised?"

Any Republican who's shocked by this is too stupid to be in the Senate. But there they are. It's baffling how they continue to delude themselves about the malevolent toddler who controls their party. Each one of these guys is certain that he'll be the one to figure out, sidestep, or somehow survive Trump's wrath.

And one other thing: If they had been paying attention, they would have noticed Paxton's "settlement" with Texas Children's Hospital last week. The unholy agreement is making the hospital pay $10 million in Medicaid reimbursements (even though it denies any fraud took place), fire five doctors who provided gender-affirming care, and establish a "detransition clinic" (ugh). In other words, Texas Children's caved to Paxton and agreed to bully trans kids.

Did these shocked Republicans not figure out that maybe Paxton timed the settlement to force an endorsement in his Senate race? After all, transgender people are one of the groups at the top of Trump's hate list. It's kind of beyond coincidental, don't you think? We cats HISS.

Le Chandail De Hockey

By Miss Kubelik

The jury is out on the new Quebec premier, Christine Fréchette. Everybody hated her predecessor, but we're expecting Fréchette to still champion a separation referendum — even though a majority of Quebec voters are not interested. (Can't let Alberta have all the fun, right?)

But she sorta gets points for giving French President Emmanuel Macron a Canadiens hockey jersey today. (The name on the jersey is Canadien forward Alexandre Texier, a native of Grenoble, France).

She has to be happy that her gesture turned out not to be an empty one, since the Habs managed to eliminate the Buffalo Sabres in the Stanley Cup playoffs tonight. But we'd caution her on the fall referendum. Canada is feeling especially unified these days, and we can all thank Benedict Donald for it. Like the Republicans' efforts at gerrymandering, perhaps the Canadian separatists should be careful what they wish for — or at least come to realize that they've chosen the wrong time. We'll see. In the meantime, we cats PURR.

Large Numbers

  

By Zamboni

For awhile this morning, the lede story on the homepage of The New York Times was about its latest NYT/Siena poll, which had Benedict Donald's approval ratings — across the board — in the toilet.

It's really tough to find a historical precedent for numbers like this. You're reaching back to Richard Nixon in the last throes of Watergate (approval at 24 percent), but the poll's internals tell an even starker story. It's so bad that you'd be forgiven for expecting to see Rabbi Korff show up in the East Room soon.

Trump is underwater with Latino voters by 51 points. Down with young voters age 18 to 29 by 57 points. Lagging among independents by 43 points. These three groups were key to his win in 2024, and it makes you wonder how wiped out the Republicans would be without all their desperate, racist gerrymandering and voter suppression.

The poll also found Democrats with an eye-popping 14-percent advantage on the generic ballot — despite the corporate media's lazy drumbeat that nobody likes us. Heck, the poll shows Latinos favoring Democrats by 30 points. When will the press wake up and smell the cafecito? We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Disrespecting Our Honored Dead

By Baxter

We cats were trying to think of the most affecting video to accompany the story about FBI Director Kash Patel's special "VIP snorkel" excursion at the USS Arizona memorial last summer.

Was it the newsreels from 1941? (Too many "Jap" references, ugh.) Or the clips from 1943's Air Force, or 1953's From To Here to Eternity? In the end, we decided on Pearl Harbor (2001), which, despite its faults, really packed a punch about how ordinary people — military and non-military alike — experienced the attack.

We're only doing this to (we hope) show how disrespectful it was for FBI Idiot-in-Chief and third-rate podcaster Kash Patel to have snorkeled above the USS Arizona memorial last year.

VIP snorkels are only granted on rare occasions. As in: You have the cremains of an Arizona survivor, and you want to scatter them there. Otherwise, recreational excursions are strongly discouraged.

Benedict Donald has already called the Americans who fell at Normandy "suckers and losers." Now, we have this Patel party dive on the Arizona. How revolting. And how much more will it take for Americans to turn on these Trumpsters? We cats HISS.

"Play-It-Down-The-Middle" Bill Cassidy Loses Big

By Sniffles

Louisiana Senator Bill Cassidy lost his primary for re-election yesterday. In fact, he came in third. The last Republican Senator to come up this short was Luther Strange in Alabama, in 2017.

But Luther Strange didn't vote to convict Benedict Donald in his second impeachment trial. So there you go. (We'll see if the Trumpsters can similarly unseat Kentucky Rep. Thomas Massie on Tuesday.)

We cats are not crying big tears over Dr. Cassidy, since he compromised all his principles to shepherd through RFK Jr.'s confirmation as HHS secretary. Sorry, Bill — you've actually also violated your Hippocratic oath. Allying with the Trumpsters not only has put Americans at risk but has been a death sentence for thousands of people abroad who depended on support from USAID. We don't know how you can live with yourself, but perhaps you have some innovative coping mechanisms.

Anyway, as the saying goes, Everything Trump Touches Dies. The other interesting aspect of yesterday's election is that Democratic turnout was nearly 345,000 votes — a respectable number in a crazily red state. We're thinking that people of color and other minorities don't like it when the ruling class decides to try to erase them. Maybe they channel that anger by turning out to vote instead. We cats PURR.