Is The Other Stiletto Heel About To Drop?

By Sniffles

Remember that scene in All the President's Men where the Nixon spokesperson pre-emptively denies that the White House had anything to do with the Watergate break-in? To Woodward and Bernstein (or rather, Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman), that was an intriguing tell.

The same kind of thing happened today. Moose & Squirrel made a speech in which she gratuitously brought up Jeffrey Epstein and declared, "I never been friends with Epstein." (Yes, that's a real quote from a woman who allegedly got an Einstein visa to enter the US and who is supposed to be fluent in multiple languages).

Everyone is mystified. Why now? Tweeters and skeeters used to joke that the Iran war was launched as a distraction from Epstein. Was Epstein now being used as a distraction from the Iran war?

That wouldn't be surprising, since the consensus is that Benedict Donald got seriously rolled by the Iranians after he threatened to blow them up. He TACOed, of course — but it's no laughing matter. Here's how Obama deputy national security adviser Ben Rhodes sums it up:

"In the best-case scenario, Trump struck a deal to reopen a Strait that was open before the pointless war he started, with the IRGC demonstrating its control over the Strait and potentially extracting fees plus sanctions relief. Thousands of innocents —including hundreds of children — dead in Lebanon and Iran for no reason. US troops killed and wounded. US embassies and bases in the Middle East badly damaged. US standing in the world obliterated. US munitions badly depleted.

"Hundreds of billions spent. Prices up everywhere. More global economic fallout to come. Putin strengthened and enriched. Just a catastrophic situation even in the best of circumstances. A profoundly shameful episode in American history no matter what happens next."

The other prevailing theory about Moose & Squirrel is that something is about to explode from the Epstein files, and she was trying to get ahead of it. People, some of them goofballs, speculated if Russia, Iran, or Israel were involved. But we cats have another theory.

Maybe it's Denmark. After all, Trump has started bleating about Greenland again. Wouldn't that be delicious? We cats PURR.

Leo Can't Go Home Again

By Hubie and Bertie

Here's where the first American pope will spend the Fourth of July: Lampedusa, the southernmost island off Sicily, and the historical entry point for African refugees into Italy. It's also known for its pristine beaches, delicious cuisine, and Sea Turtle Recovery Center. Sounds fabulous — but surely Leo will use his visit to stress the importance of welcoming the refugee (or, as Jesus put it, the stranger).

This is where he's going instead of accepting the Trumpsters' invitation to celebrate Independence Day in a broiling-hot Washington, DC filled with Hitlerian Trump monuments. Can you blame him? Especially after what apparently happened at the Pentagon this past January.

Reports abound that a Defense Department under-secretary named Elbridge Colby summoned Cardinal Christophe Pierre, who at the time was the Vatican's ambassador to the US, and told him, "America has the military power to do whatever it wants in the world. The Catholic Church had better take its side." Rumor has it the Avignon Papacy was pointedly mentioned. The Cardinal was, um, not pleased.

And, it seems, neither was Leo. Not only has the Vatican permanently shelved any possible trip to the US for him in 2026, it's broadly hinting that the Pope may never come here at all — at least, not as long as this Administration is in charge. That must be disappointing for Benedict Donald, who loves to cozy up to famous folks who have golden gewgaws in their homes. Proximity to such people gives him validation.

Interestingly, Leo hasn't backed off his criticism of the Trumpsters one bit, and in fact has doubled down. So whatever the goal of this silly January meeting was, it looks like it backfired big-time.

Sadly, Americans who were hoping to see Il Papa toss out the first pitch for the Chicago White Sox this summer are out of luck. But we hope Leo enjoys some scuba diving and fresh seafood and couscous on Lampedusa instead. He deserves it. We cats PURR.

Here's Another Statement We Liked Today

 

Jason Carter, Chairman of the Board of Trustees, The Carter Center

The Bat Man Speaks, Trump TACOs

By Miss Kubelik

Pope Leo may not have taken off after Benedict Donald with a baseball bat today, but when he spoke out against Trump's Iran threats, he might as well have. Leo knocked it out of the park, and as we all now know, Trump caved. Sadly, the farce will start all over again in two weeks.

This is why we try our damndest to limit our exposure to Donald Trump. He's simply not healthy for children and other living things.

We saw a lot of talk on the interwebs today about Congress. Leo himself actually suggested that Americans call their members and Senators to get them to do something. (Did the Capitol switchboard crash? You can only wonder.) We cats mostly lurked on the social platforms, but whenever we got the chance, we reminded tweeters and skeeters that Republicans are in charge of the House and Senate, not us. In Trump's first term, when we had control of the House, we impeached the motherfucker not once but twice. It was Republicans who refused to convict. Which would have prevented him running again.

Meanwhile, we're wondering if Trump's "civilization will die tonight" tweet will have any effect on today's special election in GA-14. The former Congresswoman from that district, Marjorie Taylor Greene, published an absolutely scathing anti-Trump, anti-Iran-war post yesterday. Will that have any effect on the margin? Shawn Harris won't win — but could he come close, and put another scare into the GOP? (Right now, Harris is only three percentage points behind with 40 percent of the vote in.) That would make us cats PURR.

(UPDATE, April 8: Looks like Republican Clay Fuller ended up beating Shawn Harris by 11 points. Less than two years ago, MTG won re-election by 30 points. We hope Harris is willing to run again in November — it'll be fun to make Republicans spend money in a district they should be able to completely take for granted. We cats PURR.)

"Not What They're Paid For"

 A contemplative Randy Rainbow turns in one of his best. We cats PURR.

Time For This Again

"It's really difficult to cover [Trump] in a way that conveys how unhinged he is. That's kind of how people are trained to do political journalism. It's like, OK, what did he say that was newsworthy, what's new? So you kind of pick up those things and convey them to your audience. But in reality, when you actually watch his rallies, you see that they're full of hatred, he's lying constantly, and a lot of it is incoherent.

"It's true that he talks to the press a lot. But he doesn't really convey meaningful information."

—Aaron Rupar, in The Times

"Dignity, Always Dignity"

By Zamboni

This uplifting Easter message from Benedict Donald was not the last word from him today. He was seen later at his golf club in Virginia, not exactly looking chipper — but apparently the White House felt they had to produce him in some fashion because of all the Walter Reed rumors flying around. And now he's allegedly going to have a press conference on Monday at 1 PM.

Maybe he'll clear up why he keeps shifting his so-called "deadline" for Iran to open the Strait of Hormuz, but that's doubtful, isn't it? (Besides, don't we already kinda know it's all about manipulating the markets?)

It's easy to forget, what with all the (deliberate) chaos, that Trump has delayed that deadline at least five times. And who knows what he's going to say tomorrow? Is he going to give another meaningless Iran ultimatum, or will he announce who won the sweepstakes to be the next Attorney General? Or is the presser just to prove to the world that he's still alive? All we know is, reporters better ask good questions. (Sadly, they probably won't.)

This is all a handy reminder that the Republicans control both houses of Congress, and they could stop this madness any time they wanted to. We cats are disgusted, and we HISS.

Where No One Has Gone Before

 

We cats agree. The best thing about Artemis is that it's NASA, not Musk or Bezos, who can go fuck themselves. We cats PURR.

The Grey Lady Goofs

By Baxter

We cats have often noticed that headline writers have their heads up their ass. But it usually applies to local publications like the Albany Times-Union, not the vaunted paper of record, The New York Times. Well, we guess there's a first time for everything. (Unless, OMG, this isn't the first time.)

Readers across our nation are left to wonder if The New York Times really thinks that NATO is the "North American Treaty Organization," or if this error was a case of an intern gone rogue. Or worse, that their editorial staff really doesn't know the real, spelled-out name of NATO. That implies a whole lot of other, more serious stuff, which we cats don't really want to think about.

This year, Democrats need to message voters about the history of NATO and why it is so important. They need to explain that NATO is not an offensive, but a defensive, organization. (If people are reminded that NATO came to our defense after 9/11, that would make it crystal clear.) Voters also need to understand why NATO is crucial as a bulwark against Russian aggression. They can learn why Ukraine's membership is key to the future of the alliance — and why Putin hates NATO (and why Benedict Donald is doing Putin's bidding in trying to weaken it).

The state of journalism today is wildly worrisome. We cats would like to think that smarter heads will prevail, but to be honest, we're not sure. Until then, we worry, and we HISS.

Bondi Gets The Boot

By Sniffles

Rumor has it that a leading candidate to succeed the reviled and now humiliated Pam Bondi is EPA Administrator Lee Zeldin — the dude that we New Yorkers recently escaped having as our Governor.

Oh, lord, Zeldin is simply terrible. Which of course makes him no different from any of the other contenders — like Todd "I Brokered Ghislaine Maxwell's Cushy Relocation" Blanche. Zeldin has spent the last year gleefully gutting the EPA, menacing endangered species and presiding over the destruction of environmental safeguards that have kept us all healthier for decades. And as a Congressman from NY-01, he voted against certifying Joe Biden's 2020 election. So, yes, awful.

Zeldin would also be one of the least-qualified, if not the least-qualified, AG nominees. His only prosecutorial experience was in the military. He has no experience as a government lawyer outside of his stint at the Port Authority. He briefly had his own law firm before running for state office in New York. Will the 53 Republicans in the Senate really go down that road? It's definitely possible.

But whoever Trump picks, we can be sure of one thing: It will be a renewed, all-out war on Tish James, Adam Schiff, Lisa Cook, Jerome Powell and all the other folks Donald wants revenge on. As Al Jolson said, you ain't seen nothin' yet — because Trump is surely auctioning off the appointment to the highest bidder, whoever will promise to be even more slavish than Bondi was.

Hanging over all this is Donald's never-ending Epstein problem. And the Senate hearings are a guaranteed shitshow, especially if interim AG Blanche ends up being the nominee. Dear Judiciary Committee Democrats: Please get organized to attack in unison rather than going off on individual fishing expeditions. We cats HISS.