Thursday, April 7, 2016

Bush 5, Cameron 5

By Miss Kubelik

David Cameron has tied Jeb! Bush in the "How Many Times Can You Change Your Answer Without Answering" sweepstakes.

Caught up in the Panama Papers leak, the UK Prime Minister and/or the PMO have issued five, count 'em, five different responses about his family's finances and a slough of icky tax-evading implications. (This is not to say that everything revealed in the Panama Papers was illegal, but there's something very unsavory about that word "offshore," isn't there?)

First the PMO said that Cameron's money was nobody's business. Then Cameron said he had "no shares, no offshore trusts, no offshore funds." Then a spokesperson said, "The Prime Minister, his wife and their children do not benefit from any offshore funds." Then the PMO tried to say, whoops, the Camerons wouldn't benefit from offshore funds in the future.

Now, finally, Cameron has 'fessed up: Yep, he and the missus had shares in a tax-haven fund, which he sold before moving into No. 10.

Oh, David. You could have just rung up your good friend Jeb! Bush to find out what it's like when you keep flip-flopping on a simple question. (Yes, Jeb! would have supported the Iraq war. Well, on the other hand, that's a hypothetical. Then again, maybe he would have done things differently. Except the world is better off without Saddam Hussein, isn't it? Okay, goddammit, I wouldn't have invaded! Are you happy?)

We don't know what's in store for David Cameron — but we know where Jeb! Bush is right now. Hint: Not on his way to Cleveland to be nominated. We cats PURR.

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