Memo To Paul Ryan: Don't Expect The Freepers To Vote You Prom King

By Miss Kubelik

Wow, Paul Ryan is such a weenie, isn't he? Here we cats thought that E.J. Dionne had already fatally skewered him for his Trump Timidity — but after what Ryan said today, E.J. might have a blistering addendum to write.

While we work to pick our jaws off the floor at the incredibly bad week the Republicans continue to have, here's a point of order. We have to view Paul's pusillanimity through two lenses: 2020, certainly — for which an endless parade of lip-licking Republicans (Cruz, Rubio, Pence [yes, Pence], Perry, Jindal, Ernst, et. al.) are already laying plans. And also, we need to see it through the prism of next week's primary election in Wisconsin's first Congressional District, where Paul Ryan faces a teabag insurgent, Paul Nehlen.

We've searched for some polling in that race, and so far our paws have come up empty. But from the latest reporting we've been able to find, it appears that Ryan is in no danger. Our crazy right-wing friends over at Free Republic, on the other hand, think otherwise.

Mind you, the Freepers are not in a happy state of mind. The conventions are over, the polls are bad, and their hero, Donald Drumpf, is suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune — all propelled, they believe, by the hateful Hillary, the liberal media and the Republican establishment. Very, very bad moods they are in. Which probably is why they're sure — or, at least, hoping — that Ryan will get his butt kicked next Tuesday.

We share these charming comments not because we necessarily think they're prescient — but because we don't want to lose sight of the civil war the Republican Party is in:

"Screw off, RINO jerk."

"You’re about to lose your own election, Ryan."

"I’m sick of Paul Pukefest Ryan...Please, Wisconsin — get rid of him."

"Ryan has certainly become an arrogant little wanker."

"It would so sweet if Nehlen managed to Cantor Paul Rino."

"Poofter."

"Wisconsin CD1 had better Cantorize this puke."

Have any of the Bernie-Hillary arguments sunk this low in the quagmire? We cats are thinking not. Heck, we don't even have a quagmire. That's a Republican problem, and we PURR.