A Matter Of Debates

By Miss Kubelik

Now that Democrats have captured a state senate seat in Wisconsin — in a rural district that the Porn-Star-Fan-in Chief carried by nearly 20 points in 2016 — talk of a Democratic wave this year is intensifying.

All 435 members of the House are up for re-election, as well as 33 Senators. So there are sure to be some marquee debates. (That's assuming, of course, that the GOP will be able to recruit candidates for all these races. We hear they're having some trouble.)

What we cats would like to see in 2018 is this: After all the issues have been argued, and the talking points spewed, moderators should do a "lightning round" at the end of each debate of yes-or-no questions. But here's the thing: Answers can only be "yes" or "no." No scripted phrases, no hemming or hawing, no attempts to deflect. Just "yes" or "no."

And here are some questions we'd like to hear asked. (Answers from Republicans will be of particular interest.)

• Do you agree with Donald Trump that the President has ultimate and unchecked authority over the Department of Justice? Yes or no?
• Do you believe that the nation's drug policy should be coordinated by a 24-year-old whose only post-college work experience was with the Trump campaign? Yes or no?
• Do you believe, as Donald Trump does, that he won a plurality of the popular vote for President in 2016? Yes or no?
• Do you believe, as Donald Trump says, that at least five million fraudulent votes were cast for Hillary Clinton in the 2016 general election? Yes or no?
• Do you believe that Donald Trump won the greatest Electoral College majority ever by a first-time candidate? Yes or no?
• Do you agree with Donald Trump that the press is an enemy of the American people? Yes or no?
• Do you agree with Donald Trump that climate change is a hoax perpetrated by China? Yes or no?
• Do you agree with Donald Trump that Haiti, El Salvador and African nations are "sh*thole countries"? Yes or no? — after which you are permitted, if you are a person of any decency, to either throw up or go take a shower. We cats HISS.