Suggestions For Normalcy

By Zamboni

Recently we cats opined that the election of 2020 would be a throwback to 1920 in one respect: After years of Benedict Donald's grifting, his indignities against the office and his abuse of both power and people, voters will be dying for a Return to Normalcy.

Democrats will benefit from this yearning, provided we nominate the right candidate. (By that we mean, not Marianne Williamson.) One of the reasons we think Joe Biden is formidable is because personality-wise, he represents goodness, decency and the politics of joy.

So it's surprising that Biden (or any other Democrat) hasn't yet issued a list of "get back to normal" pledges. To fill the vacuum, therefore, we've come up with a few ourselves. Try these on for size:

• Real serious stuff first: The United States will immediately re-enter the Paris Climate Accord.
• The White House Press Secretary will be a competent person who has never been arrested for DUI and who will hold press briefings at least four days a week.
• No violations the Hatch Act. As in, no shilling for fashion accessories, etc., on the White House lawn.
• No tweeting. Ever.
• The President will sit back in his/her chair like a normal person, not perched on the edge like a toilet. 
• All Cabinet and other Senate-confirmed positions will be real people, not "acting."
• Everybody is going to treat everybody else with respect.
• Holiday decorations in the Executive Mansion will be merry merry and happy happy — not something out of a haunted house.
• The President will attend the Kennedy Center Honors again.
• The Presidential Records Act shall not be flouted. No more illicit document storage on secret servers. No yammering with world leaders on unsecured phones.
• There will be complete transparency on the President's physical and mental health. And the First Spouse's, come to think of it.
• The First Family shall have a pet. Preferably a cat (but dog OK).
• No evangelical nutcases on the public payroll.
• Red baseball caps verboten (except at Nationals Park).

And of course, all those horrible policies, judges, executive orders, etc. that this awful Administration has committed will be reversed. There's just no room to record them all here.

This is the list for now — take it and run with it, Democrats. We cats reserve the right to add to it, and we PURR.