We Can Use A Sharpie, Too

By Miss Kubelik

We cats received our stupid stimulus letter from Benedict Donald today. We're mailing it back to him, slightly altered, as you can see.

Trump is worried about his re-election. But writing chirpy letters about a bipartisan coronavirus relief payment isn't going to erase the economic damage he's caused (which as we all know is the only thing he cares about). Fake accusations of sexual assault against Joe Biden aren't going to work, either. And white guys with weird beards and guns storming the Michigan state capitol won't enthrall crucial suburban voters (or the 85 percent of Americans who support stay-at-home laws).

So right now, Trump looks like toast. Should it continue that way — and we fervently hope it does — we still don't want him to forget the number of Americans who are dying on his watch. We cats HISS.

(PS: If you'd like to do the same with your chirpy letter, just do a Google search for "How many people have died from the coronavirus," scrawl that number on the letter with a big Sharpie, and then mail it back to The White House at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, NW, Washington, DC 20500. Thanks, and you're welcome.)

Bad Numbers

By Zamboni

The political world is agog at the news that Benedict Donald has been screaming at his campaign pooh-bah, Weird-Beard Brad Parscale, because his re-election numbers have gone south. Fun!

It's even better that the polls Trump saw were from the Republican National Committee and his own campaign — not a lefty or egghead survey firm from inside the Beltway or academia. His own polls, LOL! Check out this juicy tidbit:

"At one point, [Trump] said he would not lose to Joe Biden, insisted the data was wrong and blamed the campaign manager for the fact that he is down in the polls... even [making] a threat to sue Parscale."

(We cats couldn't help thinking about the staffers who brought the news to Jimmy Carter that the bottom had fallen out in that last weekend before Election Day 1980. We don't remember Carter threatening to sue anybody. But then, Donald Trump is psychologically damaged, and President Carter is not.)

As long as we're on the subject of polls, let's discuss the latest one from NPR/PBS Newshour/Marist, in which "most Americans, except Republicans, disapprove of the job [Trump] is doing...more than half the country prefers that presumptive Democratic nominee Joe Biden handle the pandemic — and even the economy."

You read that right: "except Republicans." Nine out of 10 of them still said nice things to the pollsters about Benedict Donald. But we cats say tish-tosh to that, and here's why: The only people left in the GOP are the nutjobs. The party is shrinking to its Trumpian base. Scratch an Independent, you'll get a former Republican — so we find Independents' revulsion with Trump to be very, very interesting.

Will those folks be tempted to vote for Justin Amash in November? Maybe in a less-pandemicky year they might. But we already have 60,000 dead Americans, with who knows how many more by the fall. "A real success story," Jared Kushner called it. We call it something else. Voters will surely know that another four years of this guy will kill us all. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Even More COVIDiots

By Baxter

Looks like The New Yorker will have to reissue this cover art, except with Mike Pence.

On a visit to the Mayo Clinic today, Pence defended his decision not to wear a face mask. All he wanted to do, he said, was to "look [the Mayo staffers] in the eye and say thank you." At first we thought this was a joke, but as they say, you can't make this stuff up.

Meanwhile, the world is rightfully outraged. Declining to wear a mask is emblematic of so many things: Pence's sense of entitlement. His assumption that he can't have the virus because he's "tested regularly." The Administration's entire approach to the pandemic.

Folks are also deservedly upset with the Clinic, which didn't bar the door to him. Masks have been required there since April 13 — why didn't they insist on one for Pence? They put their patients and employees at grave risk. And why did someone on the Mayo social media team tweet that they had informed Pence's staff that masks were required — and then delete the tweet? Something is rotten in the state of Minnesota.

As for the Pence peeps, this screw-up just reinforces the feeling that they're headed for a massive blowout in November. If they can't get this simple photo-op right, how can they possibly fix the pandemic and the economy in six short months? We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

More COVIDiots

By Sniffles

"I don’t believe there are incurable diseases. God can heal anything. There are documented cases of God healing AIDS. God can cause limbs to grow out where they’ve been chopped off. God can raise the dead," said street minister Landon Spradlin back in 2016.

Looks like God has his work cut out for him, because now Spradlin himself is dead.

We cats have no quibble with religious people, provided they're not silly. Yes, we know most are, but many are not. Many actually follow the Golden Rule, love their enemies, and have confidence in earthly professionals like climate scientists, doctors and epidemiologists.

But boy, the silly ones sure do wear us out. Like this Spradlin dude, who went to New Orleans to proselytize at Mardi Gras, picked up COVID-19, and promptly checked out. Naturally, he was a big Trump fan who thought the coronavirus pandemic was a bunch of hooey. We wonder if he had health insurance. If he did, did he get it through Obamacare? And if he didn't, how much did his hospital bill cost us all?

This irritating story is only topped by the "Reopen North Carolina" organizer who just revealed that she has the virus and is in quarantine. Gosh! The only thing dumber than staging those protests is destroying your own message by announcing that you've tested positive. You just can't save these people from themselves, can you? We cats HISS.

Randy Undoes Trump, Spit Spot!

Unlike Benedict Donald, does Randy Rainbow ever fail? We cats PURR.

We Are Not Impressed.

In the latest edition of "Everything Trump Touches Dies," let us introduce you to the reputation of Dr. Deborah Birx — now permanently ruined by Donald Trump, and her willingness to appease him.

This is a woman with a huge AIDS resume who, until her paths crossed with Trump, was published widely, earned numerous awards, and enjoyed the respect of the medical world.

No more. Now she's just an enabler of a sociopath. She spends her time buttressing Trump's lies by failing time after time to contradict him. Yesterday was probably the worst example of that.

So, no Profile in Courage award for Birx. She needs to resign. (And we're sick of her scarves, too.) We cats HISS.

Look For The Helpers

By Hubie and Bertie

Governor Andrew Cuomo continues to educate and inspire Americans with his daily briefings (unlike somebody we know).

Because Andrew Cuomo doesn't riff or tell his constituents to drink bleach. He doesn't employ the cherished Republican tactic of making sweeping, stupid generalizations — like "all Democrats are socialists" or "unemployment insurance discourages work" — and then getting all umbrage-y when the lies are pointed out. No, Andrew zeroes in on a simple, reasonable question and then picks it apart with a scalpel.

Responding to Mitch McConnell's buffoonish suggestion that states declare bankruptcy, Cuomo gets to the heart of the matter: The states need federal support to pay for crucial services. "How do you not fund police and firefighters and teachers and schools in the midst of this crisis?" he asked.

This funding question has been a bone of contention between the two parties going back to the days of Reagan (who did more damage to this country than people often realize). It's a shame that it's taken 50,000 dead Americans to elevate it into the national conversation in a penetrating way, but at least, thanks to Trump's idiocy and Cuomo's brilliance, we're talking about it now. And maybe folks will keep it in mind come November.

If you're feeling wildly depressed about all this (we are), it's good to remember that not all Americans are cold-blooded vipers like Moscow Mitch. Today, Cuomo saluted a retired Kansas farmer who sent him an N95 mask to give to a doctor or nurse on the New York front lines. The man's wife is medically compromised and vulnerable to the coronavirus, but they wanted to share one of the five masks they had in their stash.

It's also great that the guy was from Kansas. We cats PURR.

Truisms For The Pandemic

By Miss Kubelik

As the pandemic continues and America's way out of it grows increasingly murky, some things have become, by contrast, crystal clear. Here are a few examples.

The mayor of Las Vegas, like so much of her city, is a cartoon. How did anybody vote for this ditz? Also, please note that most people with "I"s after their names are, in reality, Republicans.

Donald Trump's incompetence has killed Elizabeth Warren's brother. Chances that he expresses "condolences" by calling her "Pocahontas": 20 percent. Chances that he expresses condolences at all: Zero.

Republicans' hopes of ousting Democratic Congresswoman Katie Porter are flagging, and they're starting to think they should focus on beating her in the 2022 midterms instead. But there's no guarantee that a hardcore Trumpster doesn't decide to screw up their plans in the jungle primary and hand Porter an easy win in the general.

Sometimes it takes a pandemic for people to wake up and smell the coffee. Governor Andrew Cuomo delivered a pointed smackdown today to Moscow Mitch McConnell — who said he's against "blue state bailouts" during the pandemic:

"New York puts in to that federal pot $116 billion more than we take out. Kentucky takes out $148 billion more than they put in. Senator McConnell, who's getting bailed out here? It's your state that is living on the money that we generate."

Thanks, Gov. You make us cats PURR.

Fearing The Reaper

By Zamboni

A Democratic tweep has decided to stage a "Florida Grim Reaper Tour" to raise money for candidates like Phil Ehr (running against the odious Matt Gaetz) and Christy Smith (running for Katie Hill's former Congressional seat in a California special election May 12).

With the Reaper costume ordered and arriving soon, his "tour" will begin May 1, just as some states' stay-at-home orders start to lift. As former Florida residents, however, we cats can't stop thinking about how hot he's going to be under that cloak. Still, you have to admire his creativity and pluck. It reminds us of the man in the chicken suit who showed up at "Chicken George" H.W. Bush's rallies in 1992.

The Reaper is sure to encounter lots of people on the beach. We've seen plenty of crowds walking the sands since the Sunshine State's bumbling Republican Governor caved and reopened them. But what about the other southern states — like Georgia — that are letting businesses like hair and nail salons, gyms, and massage parlors open while their COVID-19 death rates are still on the rise?

Our theory: Those businesses aren't going to see a lot of customers, despite those "spontaneous" anti-lockdown demonstrations. The instinct for self-preservation is strong. If our pet groomer opened tomorrow, we'd be tempted to book an appointment — but probably wouldn't take the risk. And we've seen interviews with hairdressers and others who have decided to buck their Republican Governors and stay closed — for their own safety as well as their customers'.

Anecdotal? Yes. But we all know how Benedict Donald loves anecdotes. We can hear him now: "I'm not a barber, but go get a haircut. What have you got to lose?"

The Grim Reaper knows. We cats HISS.

#NeverAgain

By Baxter

This evening is the start of Yom Hashoa, Holocaust Remembrance Day. It's a reminder and also a warning.

A reminder that OMG, as crazy as life is in the pandemic right now, it could be SO much worse. If you need any further clarification of that, read this obituary of a 97-year-old Auschwitz survivor. You'll promptly feel guilty: Are you really crabby about having to sit in the comfort of your home with movies and Tostitos and video games?

It's also a reminder that there are tenacious Americans out there who are keeping our trash picked up, our subway trains moving, our grocery shelves stocked, our prescriptions filled, and more, many at risk to their health and maybe their lives. In adversity, the human spirit, both 75 years ago and today, is strong.

And it's a warning — that things could actually still get really, really bad. We have a dangerous autocrat in the White House, who is grabbing all the power he can (with help from Bill Barr and Mitch McConnell), and who is fomenting rebellion among people who march around with Confederate battle flags and swastika signs.

Some things to think about on this solemn evening. Oh, and don't forget to vote Democratic in November. It's the only way we get out of all this. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: The rock that Governor Andrew Cuomo is laying on the tracks to Auschwitz is inscribed "New York State Remembers.")

Bring On The Red Panda!

Sometimes, it's Sunday night after another brutal week of Americans dying for no reason and you just want to have a snack and go to bed. Sounds like the perfect time for a picture of baby red pandas. Sleep tight, everyone! We cats PURR.

COVIDiots

By Sniffles

Now there are two people we admire who have lost nonagenarian parents to the coronavirus: First it was jazz guitarist John Pizzarelli's dad Bucky, and now it's writer Benjamin Dreyer's father Stanley.

But sure, let those MAGAts protest against the stay-at-home orders. Have at it, folks. Catch the coronavirus to own the libs.

We'd be remiss if we didn't point out that there's less to these demonstrations than meets the eye. Many just have a few dozen participants. But the media hype them — because they see ratings in conflict, even in a pandemic. (Note for those of you keeping score at home: More than 5 million Americans took part in the anti-Trump women's marches in January 2017.)

We just hope that when these Trumpy jackasses do get sick, none of them takes a ventilator away from a person of color with underlying conditions — or grabs an ambulance from another patient who tried to follow the rules and just got felled by bad luck. We cats HISS.

Itching To Open

By Hubie and Bertie

Benedict Donald is off the deep end today. (Wait until he sees these nine minutes of delicious video from New York Governor Andrew Cuomo. A thrilling takedown.)

Anyway, even before Cuomo destroyed him in this morning's news conference, Trump had already gone full 25th amendment, tweeting demands for the "liberation" of Virginia, Michigan and Minnesota. All three have seen small-to-middling demonstrations of teabaggers, bought and paid for by the DeVos family. So Trump is fanning the flames. As Washington state Governor Jay Inslee has pointed out, doesn't that constitute fomenting domestic rebellion? (He means violence.)

We were trying to figure out why Benedict Donald is so obsessed with these mean, mean Governors. Sure, a lot of them are Democrats and lead states that didn't vote for him and still won't. But Michigan? He won it in 2016. And Minnesota is on his wish list. Why would he risk alienating voters there? It makes no sense, but we have a theory.

Trump knows that his ace in the hole this November is the economy. It's the only reason swing voters might go for him, much as they dislike his boorish antics. And now that the coronavirus has cratered it, he's desperate to get it cranking back up in time for the election, right? Simple enough.

Trump's problem is that he can't get the economy back on track just with teeny states like South Dakota, Arkansas and Mississippi. He needs the economic engines of New York, California, and the industrial Midwest. (Of those, only Ohio is headed by a Republican.) So big-state Democratic Governors hold Trump's political future in their hands. That's probably not their biggest concern at the moment (their constituents' health is), but their decisions on "reopening," if they make them responsibly (and they will), could spell Donald's doom.

This drives Trump crazy. So he flails and flails.

What's weird is that trying to reopen the economy in one fell swoop, without testing and tracing and safeguards, will just send it back down the toilet again. Why don't the Trumpsters get this? We cats are still stumped about that, and we HISS.

(IMAGE: Joshua Bickel, The Columbus Dispatch)

Still Trying To Look On The Bright Side

By Miss Kubelik

Although it's been a pretty good week for Joe Biden, we cats are feeling a little flat heading into Friday. Governor Cuomo has extended our stay-at-home order until mid-May, and Benedict Donald is getting free political-rally airtime that the Fairness Doctrine would have damn well rectified if Ronald Reagan hadn't scuttled it.

On the other hand, look at this photo of Los Angeles and how clean the air is. Isn't it gorgeous? And isn't it plain that human beings are the scourge of the planet? With nobody commuting to work or flying anywhere any more, Mother Earth gets a chance to breathe.

On top of that, it appears that the meat-packing industry is taking a hit from the coronavirus, which means that beef shortages could follow soon. Maybe the pandemic will give humans the chance to re-evaluate the destructive ways they live. Meanwhile, it can't be a bad thing for their health if they ingest less red meat.

And the recent crash in oil prices, experts have speculated, could further prod drilling companies to turn their focus to low-carbon energy technologies instead.

Hey, we're just looking for those silver linings. Mainly because we don't know how anything is going to even inch back to normal without those damn tests. We cats HISS.

What's A "Check"?

We cats received our coronavirus relief money today. How do we know? We checked our online account and saw an item marked "IRS." (Sure beats "Donald Trump"!) Thanks, Nancy Pelosi. We cats PURR.

Ralph Northam, Wild-Eyed Commie Lib

By Zamboni

If we cats weren't so happy with Andrew Cuomo (*sigh*) and with being just a few hours away from the Canadian border, we'd consider moving back to Virginia. That's right — kick out that nice couple who bought our old house in Manassas and enjoy the crazy hippie commune that that left-wing extremist, Ralph Northam, has allowed the Old Dominion to become.

Wait a sec — we thought Ralph was a mild-mannered pediatrician with no chin who may (or may not) have posed in blackface for his med school yearbook. And no, we still can't get over the fact that med schools have yearbooks, but we digress.

Our point is that Northam has always been known for his moderate Democrat-ness. But look at all the cool stuff he's gone and done:

Made Election Day in Virginia a state holiday. And he took away an outdated Confederate holiday to do it. WE LOVE THIS.

Eliminated the photo ID requirement at the polls and extended poll closings on hour, from 7 PM to 8 PM.

Expanded early voting. (Yes! No more need for tortured "I can't vote on Election Day" excuses.)

Signed into law protections for LGBTQ Virginians and instituted gun background checks.

Imagine! All these fabulous steps to making Virginians' lives safer, better and fairer. Stuck-in-the-mud Bernie Bros and other stubborn "progressives" should take a lesson here: A vote for the "moderate" Democrat is always, always, always better than a vote for the party of Trump. (And not voting counts as a Trump vote, too.) We cats PURR.

Meltdown

By Baxter

Well, thanks to Benedict Donald, we're back to The Wizard of Oz again. We cats don't watch the daily propaganda sh*tshow that emanates daily from the White House these days — we prefer to nap, eat tuna or watch Governor Andrew Cuomo — but from what we can tell, today's "briefing" was worthy of the Wicked Witch.

On top of flailing wildly, berating reporters, and showing crazy videos, Trump went full Nixon this afternoon, times 10. Gee — remember those quaint days when Tricky Dick told David Frost, "When the President does it, it's not illegal"? Good times. (At least Nixon burped out that little beauty after he'd left office, when he was no longer a threat.)

If Donald Trump were not a disordered personality, if he weren't a sociopath, if he were even remotely human, we'd almost feel bad for him — because, as his performance today showed, he's obviously completely rattled about the multiple analyses of his coronavirus failures (by The Washington Post, then The New York Times, and now, USA Today). But then we think about the 23,604 Americans who have died from COVID-19 so far, and we're like, nuh-uh.

People have not only lost loved ones, they were unable to be with them when they died, and can't even hold funerals. They'll be scarred forever. But Benedict Donald has had zero — absolutely zero — words of condolence for them. Sociopaths can't comfort people. But as we've seen, they melt down rather easily.

You think today was bad? Wait till Trump finds out that his Wisconsin Supreme Court candidate just lost last week's election. You remember: The one where the Republicans forced Wisconsinites to put their lives at risk and vote during a pandemic? Gosh! The GOP got the election they wanted — and still had their butts handed to them. We cats PURR.

Lest We Furr-get: 75 Years Ago

By Sniffles

This year, April 12 happens to be Easter Sunday, but for us devoted Democrats it will always be a date that lives in infamy — when President Franklin D. Roosevelt suddenly died in Warm Springs, Georgia.

He was only 63. But then, he had some unhealthy habits. And there was that Great Depression and world war to guide America through. Suffice to say that at the time of his death, he looked a lot more careworn than in this handsome portrait.

Reflecting on FDR makes us wonder about the current occupant of the White House, and how much the character of the person who sits in the Oval Office matters. Check out this piece in today's New York Times for a clearer picture if you have a few minutes. See, when you have a sociopath and narcissist in FDR's chair, disasters like global pandemics end up killing many more Americans than they need to.

What if Roosevelt had been like Benedict Donald, and refused to use the powers of his office to help the nation sinking into depression back in 1933? What if, when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor, FDR had decided that the states and not the nation should wage World War II? What if, instead of asking all citizens to heed the call of national unity, Roosevelt had pitted Americans against each other — and threatened reporters and profiteered off the war to boot?

Thankfully, history is what it is, and FDR is rightly recognized as the greatest President of the 20th century. Now, in the 21st, it appears that Americans may truly understand what kind of loser we have at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. That must be why, when we clicked on the "Happy Easter, Mr. President" trend on Twitter, we saw that it wasn't about Benedict Donald — but Barack Obama. We cats PURR.

King Kong And Godzilla Have Nothing On Us

From what we've heard from friends (and from the curve that's apparently flattening), New Yorkers are, in fact, staying home. But in case anyone's tempted to stray, there's this. We cats PURR.

Not Opening Soon.

By Hubie and Bertie

Benedict Donald seems to think that he has the authority to order the country to "reopen" on May 1 — despite all the health experts declaring that doing so would cause a deadly resurgence of COVID-19. He's even calling it "the biggest decision" of his life.

With The Wizard of Oz broadcast on Turner Classic Movies tonight, our response is simple: "Rubbish! You have no power here. Begone — before somebody drops a house on you."

Which is our polite way of saying that we'll follow the guidance of Andrew Cuomo — just as Californians will follow Gavin Newsom, Illinoisans will heed JB Pritzker, and Michiganders will follow Gretchen Whitmer, etc. Those MAGAts who are unlucky to live in backward red states, well, good luck. You're going to need it. We cats HISS.

Suffering In Suffolk

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have been waiting for red America to realize that the coronavirus isn't just hitting those godless blue cities like New York, San Francisco and Chicago. They have the luxury of believing that in states like Iowa and the Dakotas, whose governors have refused to implement statewide stay-at-home orders. But the virus is coming.

(Or it's already there, particularly in rural areas with megachurches that are defiantly holding services. As God tweeted, "See you all soon!")

Meanwhile, back in our neck of the woods, Suffolk County, which sits snugly on the eastern tip of Long Island, is setting some COVID-19 records. In New York State, it trails only New York City and Nassau County in the number of cases: 17,413 right now, thanks to 1,569 newbies. That's more cases than in Illinois (16,422), Florida (16,364) or Pennsylvania (16,239). Wow!

And who represents Suffolk County in Congress? That would be Lee Zeldin, Benedict Donald buddy extraordinaire. On Monday, Zeldin was forced to beg the White House for more N95 masks.

Here are some answers we want from Congressman Zeldin: How much did Suffolk County pay for the masks? Did they go through a for-profit middleman, who jacked up the price? Do he and his fellow House Republicans have investments in PPE? That kinda happens in the Senate.

And finally, have the masks arrived? See, this White House has a habit of making promises and predictions that later go "poof!" We cats HISS.

Larry's On It

With the worthless Boris Johnson in the ICU after heedlessly making light of the coronavirus epidemic, the debate rages: Are cats from infected households supposed to be kept inside, or not? The British Veterinary Association bumbled its initial response and has been forced to clarify. But never fear — Larry the Cat is marching up to the door of No. 10, demanding answers. Go, Larry!

A Message To The Wisconsin GOP

Well done, madam. See you in November! We cats PURR.

And If Bernie Could Drop Out After This, That Would Be Good, Too

By Zamboni

We cats are apoplectic about what's going on in Wisconsin. To sum up, the Republicans are using the coronavirus pandemic to suppress the vote, and their complicit stooges on both Supreme Courts (state and federal) are helping them do it. If this isn't a preview for November, we don't know what is.

However, from evidence we're seeing on the interwebs, Wisconsinites have decided to say a big "eff you" to the GOP and are defiantly standing in line to vote in their on-again/off-again/on-again/no-absentee-ballot-deadline-extension primary.

This is no way to run a railroad — or a state, or a country. But voting the Republicans' vile, corrupt asses out is the only way we'll save democracy and get back anything that passes for normalcy.

We're rooting for more proof of this voter defiance as the day goes on, and for every Wisconsin voter who decided to put on a mask, leave the house, and social-distance for hours in line at one of the state's few polling places — just to tell Donald Trump and the Republicans to go to hell. It's what we would do if we were there. We cats PURR.

Oh, Randy!

Dear UK, Can We Please Borrow Your Queen For A Little While?

"I hope in the years to come everyone will be able to take pride in how they responded to this challenge. And those who come after us will say the Britons of this generation were as strong as any. That the attributes of self-discipline, of quiet good-humored resolve and of fellow-feeling still characterize this country...

"Across the Commonwealth and around the world, we have seen heart-warming stories of people coming together to help others, be it through delivering food parcels and medicines, checking on neighbors or converting businesses to help the relief effort. 

"It reminds me of the very first broadcast I made, in 1940, helped by my sister. We, as children, spoke from here at Windsor to children who had been evacuated from their homes and sent away for their own safety. Today, once again, many will feel a painful sense of separation from their loved ones. But now, as then, we know, deep down, that it is the right thing to do.

"While we have faced challenges before, this one is different. This time we join with all nations across the globe in a common endeavor, using the great advances of science and our instinctive compassion to heal. We will succeed — and that success will belong to every one of us."

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Another Coronavirus Edition

By Baxter

Will the pandemic ever stop? We cats aren't sure, what with Benedict Donald encouraging the NFL to start playing again in September (a bad idea) and the Democratic National Convention delayed until August (probably a good idea). We can consult the science and models and data, but there's no question it'll take a damn long time for this nightmare to end. In the meantime, here are a few thoughts that popped into our furry heads as we perused the news.

Benedict Donald had another door-falling-off-its-hinges briefing today. What financial stake does he have in hydroxychloroquine? It must be something, because he keeps pushing it on people AMA (against medical advice). As for Trump himself taking the drug as he's suggested, we cats say, have at it, Donald: The epidemic has probably ruined any media honeymoon President Pence would get once you're dead.

You know how Trump keeps touting the fact that he shut off travel from China as proof that he acted against the virus "quickly"? Guess again: People are still arriving on flights from China to the US, and are not getting screened when they land.

If the Trump-supporting evangelicals in the South want to gather en masse for Easter services, we say, let them. By the way, do you know how many rural hospitals have closed in the last decade? A lot. Fewer Trump voters is a good thing.

Chuck Todd should rot in hell for calling Hillary Clinton "overprepared" in 2016. You know what, Chuck? In a killer epidemic, with 8,500 Americans dead so far, and the dysfunction and denial of the Trumpsters laid bare, "overprepared" is sounding pretty good right now.

But let's try to close on a positive note: What are some of the silver linings of the COVID-19 epidemic? Well, maybe it will help usher in Medicare for All (or at least some version of it). Maybe the country will move more quickly toward vote by mail. And oh, yes — pet adoptions are already up. We cats PURR.

Donald Trump Is Killing Jazz

First it was Ellis Marsalis. Now it's Bucky Pizzarelli. Yes, they were both up in years, but neither deserved to be carried off by Donald Trump's coronavirus. Before, we were merely furious at the Administration's screw-ups on COVID-19. Now we're really mad. We cats HISS.

Non-Alternative Facts

By Sniffles

Our good friends at the Pennsylvania Democratic Party have created this calendar — a handy visual aid you can pull out whenever you need to push back against the Trumpster claim that impeachment got in the way of Benedict Donald's pandemic response.

These are all the days in February — each denoted by a clever little red icon — when Benedict Donald either loafed around Mar-a-Lago, played golf, attended a GOP fundraiser or held a MAGA rally (all on the taxpayers' dime). Also, please note: Trump was acquitted by his Republican Senate lackeys on February 5. Which means he had nearly the entire crucial month to jump on the coronavirus, but did nothing.

Perhaps the only thing more maddening than the knowledge that Trump is going to kill thousands of Americans is his attempt to rewrite COVID-19 history. His brazen lie that "I always knew it was going to be a pandemic" is a classic, but now fraudulent Georgia Governor Brian Kemp is giving him serious competition. Kemp is trying to claim that no one had any idea the coronavirus could be transmitted by asymptomatic people. (Um, Brian, the Centers for Disease Control is in Atlanta.)

This is not a Governor who is stupid. This is a Governor who's duplicitous. Just like his President. We cats HISS.

Yale Dude Spanks The New York Times

In response to the article "Trump Suggests Lack of Testing is No Longer a Problem, Governors Disagree," this lecture by infectious disease expert Gregg Gonsalves of Yale University is a pitch-perfect summary of the failures of journalism in the time of Trump.

"This [story] is journalistic malpractice.

"If we don't have scale-up of testing, we will be in lockdown for months and months. There is no debate on this, why frame it like there is one? Next: Trump says earth flat, scientists say otherwise. I don't care how important you think you are, how important you think The New York Times is as a newspaper, but the political desk has been abysmal on this. I say this as someone who has worked on infectious diseases for 30-plus years.

"From Peter Baker's now-infamous hot take of Trump as he 'struggles to find the balance between public reassurance and Panglossian dismissiveness,' your collective reporting on the political aspects of this have been off-the-mark. Everything is a Punch & Judy Show, and the real story of the absolute and continuing failure of the response to the coronavirus gets obscured in your reporting as 'who's winning the day' in DC...

"This is an emergency, act like it. It matters that you're failing, and it's not about a lowly reader trying to score points, but the fact that The New York Times eliding, equivocating on the federal response has consequences for millions of people.

"So, get better. Tell us, why four months into this we STILL have an insufficient number of tests — what happened politically that led us to this point, keeps us still incapable of rising to the task. Tell us...how a culture of amateurism, denigration of expertise took hold in this Administration...

"Do your job. We are facing one of the greatest challenges in American history, largely due to political failures of the current Administration. Dig. Find out what is happening, the roots of the failures. Name names. You have the resources of one of biggest papers in the US. Stop the transcription of press conferences, calls as the news in and of itself. Go deeper. Explain how current American politics led to this epidemiological and economic calamity, and how our leaders are or are not rising to the challenge.

"You may lose your access to certain prized sources inside the White House, the invitations to the best parties in DC, but you'll gain the respect of your readers and rescue your reputations from the disdain of history."