Charlie Crist, Baby Killer

By Sniffles

Did you think we cats had forgotten Charlie Crist? Oh, never! First, we used to be constituents of his — and second, we're hard-pressed to think of a bigger thorn in the GOP's side these days.

Gay Charlie comes from the fourth-largest state in the nation, and he is mighty, mighty ambitious. So we're certain he gives the Republican Party fits — especially when he vetoes bills that would have required women to get ultrasounds before obtaining abortions.

Crist said he thought the bill placed an inappropriate burden on a woman seeking to terminate a pregnancy. He was correct about that. But predictably, the right wing — which claims to abhor all government intrusion in Americans' lives — went nuts. (The mental cases over at Free Republic, for example, jumped all over not only Crist but a commenter who dared to say he thought the vetoed bill was an unwarranted intrusion into the doctor-patient relationship. Don't even try to be consistent on the GOP fringe, folks.)

This whole kerfuffle got us cats thinking: What would we do in November if we still lived in Florida? We feel a confession coming on. It's entirely possible that if we were voting in the Florida Senate race in 2010 we would cast our ballot for Charlie Crist.

Why? Because much as we like Kendrick Meek, Charlie has a chance. And thanks to the extreme rightward tilt of today's Republican Party, Senator Crist will drive them mad. For example, whom will he caucus with, should he make it into the world's most exclusive club? We cats suspect that a party defined by the famous quitter from Alaska and her "mama grizzlies" will not tolerate a baby killer in its midst.

Go, Charlie, go! We cats PURR.

Everything Old is New Again

By Baxter

We cats are grateful to our friends over at The Huffington Post, who — in commenting on a recent Newsweek cover featuring the famous quitter from Alaska — have directed us to the immortal H.L. Mencken's obituary for William Jennings Bryan.

This dusty historical reference, we're sorry to say, continues to be relevant today. Because charlatans and frauds who cloak themselves in religion or righteousness are, alas, always with us. Newsweek's cover girl is just the latest example.

It becomes crystal clear when you take a key paragraph from Mencken's Bryan obit; then, substitute "Palin" for "Bryan," and the present tense for the past:

"Palin is a vulgar and common woman... She is ignorant, bigoted, self-seeking, blatant and dishonest. Her career has brought her into contact with the first men of her time... It's hard to believe that she has been received in civilized societies as a high officer of state. She seems only a poor clod... deluded by childish theology, full of an almost pathological hatred of all learning, all human dignity, all beauty, all fine and noble things. She is a peasant come home to the dung-pile...

"The job before democracy is to get rid of such canaille. If it fails, they will devour it."

We cats PURR. We rarely post directly on Palin because we don't consider her worth our time. But this, we couldn't resist.

(IMAGE: "Inherit the Wind," United Artists, 1960)

Cat Fight! Carly Fiorina vs. Barbara Boxer's Hair

By Zamboni

We cats have a little advice for Republican Senate candidate Carly "Butch" Fiorina: When you have appearance issues yourself, it's not wise to attack your opponent's look.

We could continue in this vein, but if we did, we'd be sinking to Fiorina's level.

Yes, it's truly amazing that one of the GOP's rising female "stars" was able to wound herself so effectively, so quickly. But what really strikes us cats is how darn nasty Republicans are. Taking a page from the famous quitter from Alaska, Fiorina is clearly staking out her territory as the Grand Old Party's newest mean girl.

And we understand anew why Fiorina was fired by Hewlett-Packard. She not only drove the company into the ground — she didn't work and play well with others.

Obama's Home Town Takes the Cup

By Sniffles

The Chicago Black Hawks have won the Stanley Cup.

We cats are sure that the Obama-hating wingnuts over at Free Republic — who were so pleased when the Second City lost the 2016 Olympics — haven't noticed.


(PHOTO: Chris Sweda, The Chicago Tribune)

Tidbits and Cat Treats — Post-"Kinda-Sorta-in-a-Way"-Super-Tuesday Edition

By Baxter

Now is the time for all good cats to review yesterday's election results.

Arkansas — We cats are not crushed that the so-called Left was unable to defeat Blanche Lincoln yesterday. First, the Left in Arkansas is not left, if you know what we mean. But more important, we cats are tired of lazy journalists who latch onto a convenient narrative and beat it to death (e.g., the electorate's anti-incumbent mood). The country is much more complicated than that — which reporters would discover if they got their fat asses up from behind the computer and actually talked to folks. So, thank you, Senator Lincoln, for temporarily shutting these people up.

California — Carly "I Killed HP" Fiorina and Meg "Billions of Dollars Can't Buy Me a Makeover" Whitman were pushed so far to the right in their respective Republican primaries that we're wondering how in the general they'll be able to dial it back. Yes, the lazy press will probably allow them to do it — but surely the teabaggers won't.

Orly Taitz — Oh, darn. "Birther" idiot Orly Taitz lost her bid to be California's Secretary of State. Gosh, it would have been fun. But we're sure that Ms. Taitz is already blaming her defeat on the Muslim conspirators who planted Barack Obama's birth announcement in the Honolulu Star Bulletin 50 years ago.

Nevada — We cats are very sad that with Sue Lowden's embarrassing loss, the days of chicken suits at Republican rallies appear to be over.

South Carolina — So the boys in the state GOP establishment tried to take down Nikki Haley and failed. There is no downside to this. On the national party level, a victorious Haley will compete with Sarah Palin, Michele Bachmann and Liz Cheney for the title of Biggest Female Wingnut. On the state level, as a Sanford person Haley has been in open rebellion against her party's establishment for some time — even before they started talking openly about her sex life. Hard to see how a Governor Haley gets anything done.

Republican Party Overall — We cats agree mightily with E.J. Dionne that 2010's election results so far bode ill for the GOP. Republicans continue to marginalize themselves into an angry, white, regional party. (Take Meg Whitman, for example. As the new Latino hater, she's like Pete Wilson Redux. That worked out well for them, didn't it?)

We cats PURR.

Helen Thomas Screws Up

By Zamboni

One of the things we cats like best about the end of the Bush Administration is that we no longer have to endure White House briefings from the likes of Ari Fleischer. Our T.V. and computer screens are much better places without him.

So thanks a lot, Helen Thomas.

Don't get us wrong, we admire Helen Thomas. She's put Cheshire cat grins on our faces for many years — particularly when she was sparring with the execrable Mr. Fleischer and calling George W. Bush the worst President ever. In fact, we cited her as one of the few journalists whose death would be worthy of the wall-to-wall coverage Tim Russert inexplicably received back in 2008.

Now, however, Ms. Thomas not only has forced an awkward retirement on herself — she's given Arrogant Ari the opportunity to crow. This drives us cats crazy. (Oh, and by the way, as annoyed as we are by the Gaza thing, her remarks on Israel made us feel like hacking up a hairball. Substitute the words "blacks should go back to Africa" for "Jews should get out of Palestine," and — well, ugh.)

Interesting, however, that a dolt like Fleischer doesn't note the irony that Helen worked for the last few years for the Hearst News Service — or the fact that William Randolph Hearst, like most of his generation, harbored some pretty dark racism and anti-Semitism himself. But of course, why should a GOP flack ever criticize a fellow arch-conservative? Nope, only 89-year-old lefties are in their sights.

Well, we cats HISS at all this. Helen Thomas has just added a sad, unnecessary footnote to a brilliant career, and we're sorry.

A Day in the (Oh, John Boehner, Get a) Life

By Sniffles

We cats well remember our irritation when Paul McCartney decided to lecture Americans that they needed to get behind George W. Bush and everything he stood for after September 11, 2001.

So we were startled — although not necessarily displeased — when Sir Paul, in Washington last week to receive the Gershwin Prize for Popular Song, took an amusing swipe at the same Mr. Bush. Should we conclude, we wondered, that the surviving half of Lennon & McCartney (and don't get us started on how much we miss John Lennon) didn't really mean his pro-Bush comment from nine years ago? Or is he just an insincere opportunist?

No matter. We don't really go through our days worrying about what knighted British citizens say — except when the House Minority Leader suddenly decides to take umbrage.

That's right — John Boehner is demanding an apology from McCartney.

Goodness gracious. Can this be true? For several years now, Mr. Boehner's fellow Republicans and teabaggers have called Barack Obama every name in the book, from socialist to Communist to fascist to racist to, most recently, "raghead." And we haven't heard a peep from Boehner about any of that. But Paul McCartney can't make a joke about Bush?

We cats HISS.

Cat Fight! S.C. Republicans Go Nuclear

By Baxter

Oil spewing in the Gulf, Israel's blockade of Gaza, perfect games ruined — there's no shortage of earth-shaking news events that we cats could comment on today. What better time to focus on Nikki Haley's sex life?

That's because furious, no-holds-barred, intraparty Republican fisticuffs mean just one thing: fun, fun, fun! You're probably familiar by now with the aforementioned Ms. Haley, who wants to be governor of South Carolina but who's been hit with not one but two allegations of extramarital naughtiness.

The latest one, as before, comes from a fellow Republican, Larry Marchant, who claims he and Haley had a one-night stand during a Salt Lake City school-choice convention. Aside from the obvious — that right-wing Christians who lecture other people on their lives should be the last folks cheating on their spouses — there are soooo many things wrong with that. We hardly know where to begin, but we'll try.

Sounds like Haley and Marchant were misbehaving on state business. Remind you of anyone — like the Appalachian Trail guy?

So they were at a conference to figure out how South Carolina parents could be reimbursed to pull their children out of public schools and send them to private (read: religious) schools, where no doubt the kids would be taught the virtues of abstinence and the sanctity of marriage. And that's where they decided to break one of the Ten Commandments?

Did they at least have the decency to pay for a cheap motel room on their own — or did they use one of their state-reimbursed hotel suites? Taxpayers have a right to know. Heck, we cats want to know.

How many calls did Haley make and/or receive on her state-paid mobile phone from her husband and children while she was in Utah, um, doing what she was doing?

Who in their right mind would travel to Salt Lake City for extramarital sex, anyway?

It's all very amusing, and it makes us cats PURR. The fact that the hapless Ms. Haley was just endorsed by the famous quitter from Alaska before the roof fell in — well, that's just catnip.

Lest We Furr-get: Fred Malek Edition

By Zamboni

Once an anti-Semite, always an anti-Semite.

We cats may sound unforgiving, but we find it difficult to believe that people who've harbored racial or ethnic hatreds ever really change.

That's why we're so appalled at an article in this morning's Washington Post, about uber-Republican Fred Malek. Herr Malek richly earns the "uber" characterization, and not just because he's given more than $1.3 million to the GOP over the years. It's because once again his Nixon-era, Jew-hunting past is catching up with him.

Recently released documents from the Nixon library reveal that Malek "supplied Nixon with a list of 13 people he thought had Jewish surnames" and coordinated other efforts to root out Jews at the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Nixon, you see, thought that there was a "Jewish cabal" at the bureau that was purposely giving pessimistic economic forecasts to sabotage him. Can we say "paranoia," anybody?

We cats don't know what's worse: That Malek did this? That he's currently an adviser to the famous quitter from Alaska? (Birds of a feather, and all.) That Republican Governor Bob "Confederate History Month" McDonnell of Virginia has appointed Malek to chair a state budget panel and now claims he was "unaware" of Malek's past? (Aren't we entitled to expect better from the governor of a major state — even one who was "educated" at the right-wing Regent University?)

We cats SNARL. We have no idea why any Jewish person would be a Republican. None.

(IMAGE: Conrad Veidt in "Casablanca," Warner Bros., 1942)

Would You Believe...?

By Sniffles

Well, that takes the cake. In a world in which Al and Tipper Gore can split up, anything can happen. And here are some of the other news items that are making our furry little heads spin tonight.

Surely... surely the famous quitter from Alaska isn't whipping up a teabagger frenzy against distinguished author and journalist Joe McGinniss — and potentially endangering his life. Is she?

So now Republican Senatorial candidate Mark Kirk, after claiming he won an award that he didn't get, is rumored to be gay. And, of course, he voted against the repeal of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Gee, maybe both sides can start over in that race.

While his constituents wade through thousands of gallons of oily muck, Senator David Vitter (R-LA) thinks BP should get a liability cap. Really? We cats would like to know what the outraged Louisianans we've seen on T.V. think about that.

That nutty Michele Bachmann is at it again. This time she's sputtering that President Obama is encouraging Israel's enemies by sending "signals of weakness." Hmmmm, let's see... how is he doing that? By killing Al Qaeda's third-ranking operative in Pakistan?

Finally, a few well-chosen words from Harry Reid. Republicans in Nevada will pick his 2010 opponent next week from a short list of extremists and mental cases. Did he have a preference, reporters wanted to know? No, the Senator quipped, "They all scare me." Sir, considering the direction the GOP is going in these days, we cats couldn't agree more.