A Jolt For Joe

By Zamboni

So now we're in the run-up to South Carolina. While Joe Biden performed well with African-American voters in Nevada, he needs to do something to shake things up.

We cats suggest he announce his running mate this week.

We've always been in favor of this, even back when the polls had him ahead and he was scaring the bejesus out of Benedict Donald (who then went on to commit impeachable offenses because of it). Biden's age, we thought, should compel him to name a running mate, pledge to serve only one term, and then hand things off to his veep as his heir presumptive.

Now that the cranky socialist from Vermont is proving equally frightening — to us, not to Trump — it's time for Joe to act. Call a press conference and make the big announcement with either Kamala Harris, Stacey Abrams or Cory Booker at his side.

It would give him a shot in the arm and blow the Bernie-is-scary narrative off the front (home) pages. And while Harris, in particular, seemed poised to endorse him weeks ago, she and Booker come from states Democrats will already carry in the fall. So our preference is Stacey Abrams. That would make us PURR.

P.S. Biden's fellow 78-year-old, Mike Bloomberg, could do this as well. Just sayin'.

On The Bright Side

By Baxter

There's been a lot of doomsday-ing going on among Democrats lately. We hold that awful debate in Las Vegas responsible — plus the scary news about Russia, and the finger-wagging of the Senator from Vermont, who seems to think that blaming the media is the answer to concerns about Vlad Putin giving him a leg up. Not good.

So this is your daily reminder that the first four caucuses and primaries (yes, including South Carolina) account for only 4 percent of the delegates needed for the nomination. As we write this, we have no idea how the results in Nevada tonight will translate into delegate selection. Check back with us after Super Tuesday.

Meanwhile, Roll Call has just proclaimed the House of Representatives further out of reach for Republicans this year, thanks to Democratic advantages in recruiting candidates and raising money. Even a Sanders nomination, which is not yet a given, would not necessarily upend that forecast. "There’s no guarantee GOP chances will dramatically improve because his effect isn’t likely to be universal," they say.

As for the Senate, Brian Schatz of Hawaii recently queried his followers: Which race are they most interested in/committed to winning? Our first reaction was: Do we have to pick just one? There are so many delicious opportunities out there. Right now we'd have to say we're most excited about Arizona, where astronaut (and spouse of Gabby Giffords) is leading "incumbent" Martha McSally by seven points. We can't wait to see Gabby standing by Mark's side when the lame-duck Mike Pence swears him in. We cats PURR.

A Laugh Before He's Pardoned

From Tales To Travesty

By Sniffles

Last night's Democratic debate was a frustrating and dispiriting horror show — what we saw of it. See, PBS had this fascinating show on about us: "Cat Tales"! How in the world were we supposed to skip that?

Watching a cat documentary was a much better choice than sitting helplessly by as the Democratic candidates tore into each other about who could remember the President of Mexico and who could not. The real matter at hand is the destruction of our democracy that gets worse by the day. The fact that nobody on that stage had the brains to say "Time out, everyone — we have to defeat Donald Trump" makes us simply crazy. And the moderators, who are just there to incite fights instead of asking serious policy questions, were, as usual, pathetic.

The only way to fix these goddamn debates is to remove the journalists completely. (Especially the repulsive poseur Chuck Todd.) Instead, get moderators who are subject matter experts to ask serious questions. Susan Rice, for example, could ask about national security and the hollowing out of the State Department. Laurence Tribe could weigh in on legal issues like the damage the Trumpsters are doing to DOJ. Bring in someone from the Brady Campaign to ask about guns, or a physician to pose questions on abortion. You get the idea.

And if the journalists say, "We moderate, or you don't get broadcast"? The hell with them. Stream it on the interwebs instead.

We also could lose the dumb, glitzy sets — and let's restore what's left of the DNC chairman's dignity by relieving him of crowd-warm-up duties. We've never been so embarrassed for anyone in our nine lives.

That's our rant. On the bright side, Clayton Williams has died. We cats still remember Ann Richards's reaction when he refused to shake her hand. ("Oh, Clayton, that's baaaad.") And we PURR.

Find The Key To The Panic Room

By Hubie and Bertie

We cats know that the wildly corrupt Administration now in Washington constitutes a national emergency. This November, we will #VoteBlueNoMatterWho. But on the cusp of tonight's Democratic debate in Las Vegas, let us make something perfectly clear.

Bernie Sanders is next-to-last on our list of candidates. (The person on the bottom is the only one for whom we would unequivocally not vote. But that person isn't getting the Democratic nomination, so it's not important.)

Why is Bernie where he is? We'll refrain from re-fighting 2016 and just tell you why we object to him now.

A 78-year-old socialist is never going to win an American Presidential election. Especially not a 78-year-old socialist who refuses to release his medical records after having had a heart attack last year.

And most especially not a 78-year-old who has lied — and had to walk back — statements about another 78-year-old candidate's health.

If Bernie Sanders gets the Democratic nomination, we'll vote for him. But he'll lose 40-plus states, the Republicans will hold the Senate, and we could possibly lose the House as well.

By then, we might as all start looking for rockets to another planet, because ours will be doomed. We cats HISS.

Happy Presidents' Day

Someday, the portrait on the wall will be a woman. (Ya gotta believe.)

Portis Passes

By Miss Kubelik

Charles Portis, who wrote a short novel that we cats simply adored when we were kittens, has died in a hospice in Little Rock, Arkansas. He had Alzheimer's, topped off by dementia — which is really too bad, because he crafted such a singular voice in True Grit's Mattie Ross that it makes us sad to think of it fading.

Mattie was a determined, dogmatic and not-to-be-crossed 14-year-old who, as the novel's first-person narrator, was looking back on her adventures as an even more opinionated, acerbic adult. Her political rants are hilarious. We have no idea how a shy Southern white man could inhabit a late-19th-century girl's and woman's mind so thoroughly. But he did. The book is a treasure.

We adored the 1969 movie. We allowed ourselves to like John Wayne in it even though his politics were terrible. But mostly it was because we had a kitten crush on Glen Campbell, who was a terrific singer but who could not act. We also have the 2010 Coen brothers' take sitting on our DVD shelf. One of these days we'll bring ourselves to watch it.

But whether it's John Wayne or Jeff Bridges, don't rely on the movies. Read the book. It'll take you a single afternoon — or less, because like all good stories, it moves. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: A 1969 True Grit lobby card. Remember lobby cards?)

Situation Normal All Stefanik-ed Up

By Zamboni

The Congressional district they call NY-21 is generally a quiet, picturesque place. Well, maybe not quiet during Saratoga racing season. But most times, we sedately go about our business in charming towns with pleasing historical cuteness.

Except when Trumpsters show up. This past October, a supporter of our Trump-ized Congresswoman, Elise Stefanik, shouted threats at a local newspaper reporter. Referring to the 2018 murders at the Capital Gazette in Maryland, the man brandished a toy gun and yelled, "Hang on Post-Star, we’ve got one coming for you over there, too."

The incident prompted the paper's editor, Ken Tingley, to immediately direct-message Stefanik about how dangerous threats to journalists are. He said his staff feared for their safety, and asked her to publicly denounce the man's behavior. Her response? Silence — until last week, when she sent Tingley a fundraising letter.

"Dear Kenneth, The radical Left has moved my name to the top of their list of conservative Republican members of Congress to defeat," Elise's letter declared. "I urgently need your help!"

And then she really rubbed it in.

"Of course, we cannot count on the biased media to expose the Democrats' horrible abuses of power, their flawed accusations, or their partisan motivations. The smug media elitists have become little more than the PR division of the Democratic Party."

This embarrassing move came in the same week that our solidly Democratic household received a similar Stefanik fundraising appeal. You have to wonder: Who on earth is running her direct mail? Somebody who doesn't know NY-21 — and who apparently is clueless that we have party ID in New York. A real Stefanik-style "Amateur Hour"!

Meanwhile, Elise Stefanik has made an enemy for life in the Post-Star. The next question is, will she ignore this, or snark back with a Trumpy attack? We cats think we know. And we HISS.

Two Years Later, And No New Gun Laws

On February 14, 2018, these people all died at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, because Mitch McConnell & Co. are slaves to the NRA. Let's honor the MSD victims by voting every single damn Republican out of office in November. Every. Single. One.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Fun February Factoids

By Baxter

Surveying the political landscape, we cats see a hodgepodge of curiosities. Here are a few that we're mulling over this evening.

Michael Bloomberg opened an office in New Hampshire the day after the primary. Counterintuitive? Not! Remember, he's in it all the way to November, no matter who the nominee is. And if Al Gore had carried New Hampshire and its four electoral votes in 2000, he would have won the Presidency outright. No Bush v. Gore. No Bush.

Democrats will have to work hard to raise money for their Presidential and Congressional candidates, so we can compete against the Trumpsters' deep pockets. But if Bloomberg is the Democratic nominee, folks won't have to send him a dime. Which means that a lot of money will be freed up for our House and Senate races. Another reason to think about liking Mike.

Clearly William Barr's little act today was a nefarious ruse to keep the New York City bar from going after his law license — or to stave off impeachment and worse. (Democrats still hold the House, you know.)

The Pentagon is diverting $3.83 billion from its budget to build Benedict Donald's stupid border wall. Here's your daily reminder that Trump always said Mexico would pay for it.

Bernie Sanders should release his medical records like he said he would. That is all. We cats HISS.