While capers are not our favorite film genre, we cats are already busy trying to think up madcap movie scripts for the trillion-dollar platinum coin.
First, the coin. Yes, we think it would be a neat way to resolve the debt ceiling — and mess with Republicans who are threatening to hold it hostage. And we already know, of course, who should be on it: The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived. After all, he's the jackass who squandered the Clinton surplus and put two wars and a Medicare drug benefit on the nation's credit card. If there were room on the coin for Bush's Republican enablers, we'd add them, too.
(And maybe there will be room. Some are suggesting that the coin be as big as a helipad, so no one could steal it.)
Still, assuming that the coin gets minted and that it's about the size of a drink coaster, it could be ripe pickings for Hollywood wordsmiths. Here are a few possibilities:
A hapless Bureau of Engraving & Printing employee accidentally tosses the platinum coin into the garbage with some inedible fudge his girlfriend's made. Trouble ensues. (And in a touching tribute to his father, Timothy Hutton plays the lead role.)
Five RNC-hired burglars are caught by an intrepid security guard when they attempt to steal the platinum coin. The elderly Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein — played by the equally geriatric Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman — are called out of retirement to report on the shocking story. (G. Gordon Liddy plays himself.)
In the new Bond film, Platinumfinger, Daniel Craig as 007 battles a devious international jewel thief who's gotten bored with stealing gold. (We guess that Anne Hathaway will have to play the daughter of Pussy Galore.)
Finally, a group of fortune-hunters played by semi-has-beens and B-listers is tipped off by a dying tuna factory worker that the platinum coin has been stolen and stashed. For two excruciating hours they try to beat one another to its hiding place — which, fittingly for whose image is on the coin, is "under a big W."
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