Are you tired of being threatened with physical violence by your male GOP colleagues? We don't blame you. We would be, too — faster than we could open a can of tuna if we had thumbs.
So we have a suggestion. Why not join us Democrats?
We're not claiming that our party is completely bereft of grownup men who behave like nine-year-olds. But we'd be really surprised if, say, our Texan Joaquin Castro called you out for a duel. Never in a million years would Barack Obama threaten to withhold federal funding from your states because you didn't vote his way. And while we're at it, let us just say here and now that we've never once heard Jimmy Carter use the allegedly Georgian phrase "snatch a knot in your ass."
(By the way, Senators, your party has been this way for awhile. Remember George H.W. Bush bragging about how he "kicked a little ass" in his 1984 debate with Geraldine Ferraro? Ugh.)
What, then, are you waiting for? We Democrats will welcome you with open arms. Because we believe in government, we're easy to work with. You'd have a swell bunch of Democratic women colleagues, like Amy Klobuchar and Tammy Duckworth and our own Kirsten Gillibrand. Heck, we even have Al Franken! You'd have a lot more fun over here with us.
Besides, it would make Mitch McConnell's life so, so miserable. That would make us PURR.
Sincerely,
The Democratic Cats
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