End Of The Bromance

By Miss Kubelik

There were plenty of things we knew we'd never forgive Mike Pence for, even before 2016 — his support of the so-called "Religious Freedom and Restoration Act" chief among them. But mostly it was the fact that he's just a despicable, intellectually limited, right-wing dick who always punched above his weight. We were happy to see him self-implode in Indiana. And then, four years ago, Benedict Donald picked him to run as Vice President.

After his selection, Pence's newly unforgivable act was giving evangelicals cover to support Trump via his cringeworthy exhortation to "vote for this good man." What a cretinous toady. Having him a heartbeat away from the Presidency has been spine-chilling for the last four years — even though, yes, Benedict Donald should have been impeached and removed from office last February. Still — brrrr.

Well, now we could be on the brink of having President Mike Pence for a few days. If Trump were to resign, get removed by the Cabinet or be impeached, "Poonce" (as Julia Louis-Dreyfus dubbed him) could be America's Buddy MacKay. (For those of you who don't know Florida politics, MacKay became Governor for one brief, shining moment upon the death of incumbent Lawton Chiles in 1998.)

At first, implementing the 25th Amendment was deemed unlikely. Poonce, after all, has been the most obsequious of Vice Presidents, and he has ambitions for 2024. Why would he turn on Trump now, even if a Capitol Hill police officer was bludgeoned to death by the MAGA mobs on Wednesday?

But things have changed, because — as expected — new video has come to light of this week's insurrection, chief among them the Trumpy mob chanting "Hang Mike Pence." We can't imagine that Mother would be down with that. (Unless they nailed him to a cross and hung a sign on him that said, "Abortion is murder." Then she might be okay with it.)

And now, tonight, reports have surfaced that Pence actually isn't ruling out the 25th — so it seems pretty clear that after Trump incited supporters to try to hunt him down and kill him, and after Trump made no effort to contact Pence during the siege, Mikey has decided that Benedict Donald is not a very "good man" after all.

Mike Pence deserves no sympathy. He is an utterly inadequate, division-of-church-and-state-denying, misogynistic hater who as Governor of Indiana threw his state into needless economic turmoil and who should have been ridden out of politics forever for that episode alone. The fact that Benedict Donald plucked him from the ashes and put him on the ticket in 2016 is only one of thousands of actions that Trump should be made to pay for.

So it's particularly delicious that Pence is backtracking on the 25th now. He's caught between Trump and his own ambitions, in a party that will eat him alive if it doesn't splinter into two factions — à la the Whigs and the Know-Nothings — first. But maybe he just wants to be President for a week. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.