Making America Explode In Diarrhea

By Hubie and Bertie

In case you were poised to celebrate the "IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED" event — and you all know what that means — please be informed that the video of Benedict Donald collapsing at the open door of the Presidential limo today is AI. Sorry, kids. (And if you think "IT'S FINALLY HAPPENED" referred to LeBron James: He just signed with the Philadelphia 76ers. Josh Shapiro is very happy.)

This is how the news unrolls these days. You really have to be on your toes when it comes to discerning real from fake. Sadly, in a time when most people fail a basic citizenship test, we don't have a lot of confidence that consumers of current events can tell the truth from lies. Still, the Democrats have an 11-point lead on the general Congressional ballot, so things can't be all bad, right?

On the bad side, the Trumpsters have clearly destroyed public health. Or at least they're working at it. Measles cases are the highest they've been since 2000, and the cyclosporiasis outbreak keeps getting worse. It's expanded to nine states, and even though New York is not one of them, we cats are avoiding salads for the foreseeable future. What we don't like is that Taylor Farms, a likely cyclosporiasis source whose CEO is a big Trump donor, reportedly begged the White House for a delay in implementing a recall. Are we surprised? Will anyone tell the Trumpsters? Because Fox News won't.

This administration doesn't give a damn about you and your family — not your grocery bills or the price you pay at the pump, but also, and most importantly, your health. They've driven the cost of coverage into the stratosphere, and have cut back on the regulations that protect us from malign actors like Taylor Farms. There's a reason we Democrats are in favor of keeping government on the backs of corporations — it's because we support the well-being of the American public. We cats HISS.

Target: Jon (And You)

By Hubie and Bertie

So Trump is speaking to the nation tomorrow night about — what, exactly? Iran? Greenland? Election security? A "potpourri"? We have no idea. But rumor has it that he's going to "reveal declassified intelligence" on 2020 "election fraud" in Georgia, and call duly elected US Senators Raphael Warnock and Jon Ossoff "illegitimate."

This will be Trump's newest salvo in his war against the 2026 midterms, which he knows he's going to lose. But it's not going to work, for lots of reasons. One, for us, sticks out.

First, for a little refresher course, let's step back a few years to the resignation of Georgia Senator Johnny Isakson, who stepped down in late 2019 due to health reasons. Governor Brian Kemp then appointed Kelly Loeffler to serve the remainder of Isakson's term. Loeffler was an ineffective doofus who was primarily known for her good hair. (She's head of the SBA now, and is currently stinking up the place with her performance there, too, as you'd expect.)

Anyway, Raphael Warnock beat Loeffler in the special election runoff on January 5, 2021 — the same day that Jon Ossoff beat Georgia's other Senator, David Perdue. That election flipped the Senate to the Democrats. (And we all know what happened on January 6.)

The thing is, though, after that, Warnock ran for a full term in 2022, and he won — so how by any logic could he possibly be "illegitimate"? It also means he won't be up for re-election again until 2028. By our way of thinking, then, Trump's targeting of Warnock and Ossoff is really mostly about Ossoff, who is on the ballot this fall. 

Despite Kellyanne Conway's mocking tweet back in 2017, Trump and the Republicans are scared of Ossoff — big time. And Ossoff's masterful performance during the Jay Clayton/DNI hearing today will only increase their fear (that, and the margin by which Ossoff leads the hapless, election-denying fool Mike Collins in recent polls).

Here's a swell idea that applies to both Georgia Senators: The moment Trump starts speaking tomorrow night, go to Ossoff's site (and Warnock's site) and send each of them a few bucks. Make a statement. Tell Trump you won't let him deny Georgians' votes — and yours. We cats PURR.

Keep Cool

Benedict Donald is descending into new levels of madness (how scared is he of Warnock and Ossoff?), but you don't have to care. It's too hot, anyway. So put the phone down, fix a cold drink, and put on some music. The news will still be there when you get back. We cats PURR.

Let The Combat Begin

By Miss Kubelik

One thing is certain: There is no shortage of awful people in South Carolina jockeying for Lindsey Graham's Senate seat.

Nancy Mace, surely, has been working the phones since midnight. Others in the mix include Pamela Evette, Nikki Haley, Joe Wilson, Ralph Norman, Russell Fry... the list goes on. All possibilities. All gross.

The good news is that they are so many, because the best outcome would be a knock-'em-sock-'em, dirty-double-crossing cat fight of a special primary that will kick off with filing day, July 21. The primary itself could take place in mid-August. Then we'll see what happens on Election Day, November 3.

Meanwhile, the governor will no doubt appoint a fill-in Senator, who could then also compete in the primary, or just be a caretaker until whoever wins in November takes over. We don't care — as long as the candidates rip each other to shreds over the next few weeks.

One thing we don't want is for Benedict Donald to put his thumb on the scale and clear the field. But even if he does that (and he's threatening to), the Democratic candidate, Dr. Annie Andrews, would be handed an excellent talking point — something like "First, Republicans try to pick their voters by gerrymandering. Now, they're trying to pick South Carolina's possible next Senator. Dictator Donald is denying you a choice." (Team Andrews, please wordsmith it.)

Speaking of Dr. Andrews, today would be an excellent day to send her a campaign contribution. Do it for Lindsey! We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: This Lindsey Laff is being shared on social media and is AI-generated. As for the newspaper... well, IYKYK. We cats PURR.)

Mitch, Still Missing

By Baxter

It's been a month, and still no explanation from Mitch McConnell's Senate office or from Senate Republicans about his current medical condition and his prolonged absence from Capitol Hill. And since we have a yawning vacuum, people (especially online) have rushed to fill it. This is no way to run a railroad.

We couldn't care less about Mitch McConnell, but we do care about transparency. Is this a dry run for the day that Benedict Donald checks out? Surely this White House would never, ever, be honest with the American people if Trump keeled over one night. We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Mitch, Est-il Mort? Edition

By Sniffles

It's been a really weird week, but there's much to feel positive about (despite what the MSM may be feeding you). Here are a few reasons why we cats are feeling optimistic in the wilting summer weather.

Despite his threats to wait until 5 PM on Monday, Graham Platner has formally withdrawn from the Maine Senate race today. For those of us used to a measure of graciousness from politicians (and yes, we realize that was a long time ago, or, at least, prior to Trump), this was a breath-exhale moment. The last thing we needed was for Platner to act like an entitled white Bernie Bro, and we're glad he didn't.

So the good Democrats of Maine can get on with nominating a new candidate to run against Susan Collins. As long as the special convention doesn't turn out to be a bloodbath, we cats think this is a good thing. It can only help gin up media coverage and enthusiasm — and of course we know now that Team Collins is disappointed (or is that "concerned"?) that they won't have the checkered Platner to run against.

The Cook Political Report updated its Governor Ratings to label four currently held GOP-held seats — Ohio, Nevada, Georgia, and Iowa — as toss-ups. (Of the four, Fox News polling has Keisha Lance Bottoms leading 52-47 in Georgia, Rob Sand leading 53-44 in Iowa, and Amy Acton leading Vivek Ramaswamy 50-49 in Ohio. The Cook ratings are subscriber-only, or we'd link to them, sorry about that.)

Meanwhile, Benedict Donald is refusing to sign the housing bill — allowing it to become law without his signature at midnight, and without any of the hoopla that Republicans had hoped would buy them good feelings with the voters come November. Sad!

The Gordie Howe Bridge between Detroit and Windsor is set to finally open July 27, after Canadian Prime Minister Mark Carney — the newly acknowledged leader of the free world by no less than The Wall Street Journal — got Team Trump to agree to a deal on toll revenues. Wow, folks, this is a really beautiful bridge (see above).

Finally, OMG, L'Affaire Mitch. Est-ce-qu'il est mort, ou vivant?

Nobody seems to know. What we can report per our research is that according to DC law, the next of kin (or designated surrogate) does not have to be physically present at the bedside to direct that life support be withdrawn. However, a witness must be there with the healthcare provider when the direction is given. So, Elaine Chao's presence is not required, but a witness's is? Film at eleven.

Not much is certain right now, except for this: 1) McConnell's staff is stonewalling. 2) Senate Republicans who say they've talked to Mitch are lying. 3) The EMT team rolled him into the ambulance with "no urgency." Live your life in such a way that all this doesn't happen to you, and that people don't make fun of you when it does. We cats HISS.

Oh, Lordy, As They Say

By Hubie and Bertie

How many individual scandals can you roll into one big, fat, ugly, stinky, scary scandal? By our count, it's three.

The "Somebody In The White House Gave Maggie Haberman and Jonathan Swan Recordings from the Situation Room" Scandal — It was bad enough that Regime Change authors Haberman and Swan had a blow-by-blow of the Sit Room Epstein confab in the first place. But tapes? OMG. "Such a taped leak would be a shocking breach of one of the most secure settings on Earth," Axios reports. "Independent recording devices in the Situation Room are forbidden."

The "Republicans Will Excuse Serious Breaches in National Security As Long As They're the Ones Doing It" Scandal — That scrambling sound you hear is Lindsey Graham frantically trying to concoct a defense of the indefensible that he can then parrot on TV and social media.

The "My Book Is More Important Than Your Right to Know" Scandal — Reporters like Haberman and Swan sitting on alarmingly massive scoops just so they can write and sell books months later is everything (well, nearly everything) that's wrong with journalism today.

Finally, not a scandal, but a haunting refrain: Can you imagine the reaction if something like this happened under Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, or Joe Biden? Every one if them would be impeached, tarred and feathered, drawn and quartered, and then shot. But Donald and the Trumpsters? Don't hold your breath. We cats HISS.

Seat Of Power?

By Hubie and Bertie

In 1945, just back from Yalta and weeks before his death, Franklin D. Roosevelt apologized to Congress for addressing them from a chair instead of standing at a lectern. "I hope you'll pardon me for this unusual posture of sitting down," he said, "but I know that you will realize that it makes it a lot easier for me not to have to carry about 10 pounds of steel at the bottom of my legs."

It was a rare FDR acknowledgement of his polio-induced disability. He and his staff masked it so efficiently — and the press cooperated so thoroughly — that many Americans probably wondered what he meant by the "10 pounds of steel" reference. We can picture them listening to their radios and saying, "Wait, what?"

So, okay, we cats adore Franklin Roosevelt. But we have at least two quibbles with him. The first is the obvious one — the Japanese-American internment camps. The second is his lack of candor with the American people about his health in 1994-45. Although we pretty much understand why he did it, there's no excuse for his having kept VP Harry Truman in the dark about the atomic bomb and more.

Having admitted that, we have to say that the current cloak of silence around Benedict Donald's situation is extraordinary. We are well past a time in which the press would willingly collude with a popular President to come less-than-clean about his health, right? (We're thinking not just of FDR but of JFK.) But Trump isn't even popular now. So what's stopping journalists from demanding answers about Trump's health?

He's disappearing for days (if not a week) at a time. He's making appearances and giving remarks sitting down. He's repeating speeches from one event to another. He's got ewwy punctures on his neck, swollen cheeks, and bruises on his hands — not to mention weird bulges under his suit coats and trousers. WTF is going on?

This is the exact situation that the 25th amendment, enacted in the wake of John F. Kennedy's assassination, was meant to prevent. It guarantees that we will have a functioning President in the event of a current President's death, resignation, removal, or incapacitation. Sadly, the "incapacitation" part requires the Vice President and the Cabinet to take action. Which is not going to happen, right?

The thing about the Constitution is, it's not perfect. We can make it better. That's what amendments are for. So maybe we need an amendment to improve the 25th amendment? We cats PURR.

Powerful On The Outside, Fragile On The Inside

By Hubie and Bertie

Just this past Monday night, former Montréal Canadien Claude Lemieux carried the torch into the Bell Centre for Game 3 against the Carolina Hurricanes. More than 20,000 Habs fans cheered him — for his history with the team, and for the current Canadiens (who've made it far into the playoffs when they weren't even expected to play one post-season game). It was a magical moment for Montréalers.

Today, the hockey world learned that Claude Lemieux has died. The four-time Stanley Cup champion apparently committed suicide overnight in a furniture showroom that his family owns in Lake Park, Florida. He was found by one of his sons in a warehouse at around 3 AM.

Now, we cats understand that the current political state of Florida is pretty depressing. So maybe flying back there from a delirious city of Montréal was a bummer. But when you see how composed and, by all accounts, happy Lemieux looked just a few nights ago, this news is truly shocking. He was only 60. He looked fit and as if he had many years ahead of him. And tens of thousands of people had just poured a whole bunch of love onto him. What the heck happened?

We cats can only think: Nothing that we'll understand immediately. And if the Lemieux family doesn't care to share, nothing we'll understand ever, if at all. The bottom line is that we can never know what burdens people are carrying. So if you encounter a person who seems rude, surly, or unpleasant, try to think that maybe that person is suffering something you can't, or maybe shouldn't, comprehend.

Unless it's Donald Trump, of course — or Stephen Miller, or any of the Trumpsters or MAGAts. They deserve no benefit of the doubt, because they have no consciences, and carry no burdens. We cats HISS.

Paxton Wins Endorsement — Cornyn, Senate Republicans, And Texas Kids All Lose

By Hubie and Bertie

The Republican Senate runoff in Texas is next Tuesday, May 26. And now the hapless incumbent, John Cornyn, has gotten a nasty surprise.

Benedict Donald had neglected to support either Cornyn or his crazy and corrupt primary opponent, state Attorney General Ken Paxton — even though he had promised an endorsement ages ago. Then, he somehow let it slide, and some pundits and observers were wondering if he'd just stand aside and let things play out.

Well, not anymore. Today, Trump endorsed Paxton.

Cornyn is stunned, and Senate Republicans are furious. Paxton, they believe, is the much weaker candidate, so Trump may have just handed the seat to Democrat James Talarico (wouldn't it be loverly)? Majority Leader John Thune, who had been lobbying Donald for Cornyn, tried to get past reporters without saying much of anything beyond "It's his decision." We cats offer a shake of the hand and a fat Daniel Webster cigar to the first journalist who asks, "And you're surprised?"

Any Republican who's shocked by this is too stupid to be in the Senate. But there they are. It's baffling how they continue to delude themselves about the malevolent toddler who controls their party. Each one of these guys is certain that he'll be the one to figure out, sidestep, or somehow survive Trump's wrath.

And one other thing: If they had been paying attention, they would have noticed Paxton's "settlement" with Texas Children's Hospital last week. The unholy agreement is making the hospital pay $10 million in Medicaid reimbursements (even though it denies any fraud took place), fire five doctors who provided gender-affirming care, and establish a "detransition clinic" (ugh). In other words, Texas Children's caved to Paxton and agreed to bully trans kids.

Did these shocked Republicans not figure out that maybe Paxton timed the settlement to force an endorsement in his Senate race? After all, transgender people are one of the groups at the top of Trump's hate list. It's kind of beyond coincidental, don't you think? We cats HISS.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Stuff We Don't Love Edition

By Hubie and Bertie

There are times when the news isn't so bad. This past week didn't qualify. Here are the stories that we found especially annoying today.

Why in the world would Governor Jared Polis commute the unrepentant Tina Peters's jail sentence? Especially now, with all the Trumpy election f*ckery going on around the midterms. This is a despicable act — and by a Democrat, no less. As Senator Michael Bennet said, Peters "broke the law, undermined our elections, and was convicted by a jury of her peers. With Trump continuing to attack Colorado, we must stand strong for our institutions and the rule of law." (And Jared, you can kiss any Presidential ambitions you had goodbye.)

In the category of "Not A Surprise," SCOTUS has refused to let Virginia use the new map that the voters endorsed and which the Virginia top court unceremoniously tossed out. You'd think we'd be used to it by now, but the hypocrisy of the Roberts Court is still breathtaking — they allowed Texas's mid-decade gerrymander, even though it wasn't approved by anybody except Greg Abbott. Maddening.

On the sporting side, about 13,000 fans turned out in Quebec City's Videotron Centre last night to watch the Montreal Canadiens beat the Buffalo Sabres — on a jumbotron, not on the ice. No players skating in front of them, but they still cheered the Habs on to victory. But hey — let's try a new expansion team in Arizona or Atlanta instead. NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman just knows it's going to work this time.

And of course the biggest and most awful thing is the rapid re-descent into Jim Crow that we're witnessing since the Supremes' Callais decision. We haven't been this depressed since they overturned Roe and Southern states rushed to deny women their bodily autonomy. But if you're looking for a way to vent your frustration, make plans to join an All Roads Lead to the South rally tomorrow. We cats PURR. 

Time To Take The Keys Away

"This is not the behavior of a stable, healthy leader. Pope Leo, for his part, said he has no fear of the Administration and will continue to preach the messages of the Gospel. The rest of us, however, should be very worried about a Commander in Chief who is trying to govern the country between social-media binges, who attacks religious leaders in narcissistic frenzy, and who imagines himself as a deity. If an elderly parent did such things, most people would be concerned. The President doing such things is far more alarming.

"The American people must not look away, as they have done so often in the past. They must pay attention to the President’s deterioration, and insist that the House and Senate start acting like functioning branches of the government by asking the White House to explain what is happening, without insults or evasions, before the eyes of the country and the world."

—Tom Nichols, The Atlantic

Is The Other Stiletto Heel About To Drop?

By Sniffles

Remember that scene in All the President's Men where the Nixon spokesperson pre-emptively denies that the White House had anything to do with the Watergate break-in? To Woodward and Bernstein (or rather, Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman), that was an intriguing tell.

The same kind of thing happened today. Moose & Squirrel made a speech in which she gratuitously brought up Jeffrey Epstein and declared, "I never been friends with Epstein." (Yes, that's a real quote from a woman who allegedly got an Einstein visa to enter the US and who is supposed to be fluent in multiple languages. PS: She also doesn't know how to say the word "trivial.")

Everyone is mystified. Why now? Tweeters and skeeters used to joke that the Iran war was launched as a distraction from Epstein. Was Epstein now being used as a distraction from the Iran war?

That wouldn't be surprising, since the consensus is that Benedict Donald got seriously rolled by the Iranians after he threatened to blow them up. He TACOed, of course — but it's no laughing matter. Here's how Obama deputy national security adviser Ben Rhodes sums it up:

"In the best-case scenario, Trump struck a deal to reopen a Strait that was open before the pointless war he started, with the IRGC demonstrating its control over the Strait and potentially extracting fees plus sanctions relief. Thousands of innocents —including hundreds of children — dead in Lebanon and Iran for no reason. US troops killed and wounded. US embassies and bases in the Middle East badly damaged. US standing in the world obliterated. US munitions badly depleted.

"Hundreds of billions spent. Prices up everywhere. More global economic fallout to come. Putin strengthened and enriched. Just a catastrophic situation even in the best of circumstances. A profoundly shameful episode in American history no matter what happens next."

The other prevailing theory about Moose & Squirrel is that something is about to explode from the Epstein files, and she was trying to get ahead of it. People, some of them goofballs, speculated if Russia, Iran, or Israel were involved. But we cats have another theory.

Maybe it's Denmark. After all, Trump has started bleating about Greenland again. Wouldn't that be delicious? We cats PURR.

Leo Can't Go Home Again

By Hubie and Bertie

Here's where the first American pope will spend the Fourth of July: Lampedusa, the southernmost island off Sicily, and the historical entry point for African refugees into Italy. It's also known for its pristine beaches, delicious cuisine, and Sea Turtle Recovery Center. Sounds fabulous — but surely Leo will use his visit to stress the importance of welcoming the refugee (or, as Jesus put it, the stranger).

This is where he's going instead of accepting the Trumpsters' invitation to celebrate Independence Day in a broiling-hot Washington, DC filled with Hitlerian Trump monuments. Can you blame him? Especially after what apparently happened at the Pentagon this past January.

Reports abound that a Defense Department under-secretary named Elbridge Colby summoned Cardinal Christophe Pierre, who at the time was the Vatican's ambassador to the US, and told him, "America has the military power to do whatever it wants in the world. The Catholic Church had better take its side." Rumor has it the Avignon Papacy was pointedly mentioned. The Cardinal was, um, not pleased.

And, it seems, neither was Leo. Not only has the Vatican permanently shelved any possible trip to the US for him in 2026, it's broadly hinting that the Pope may never come here at all — at least, not as long as this Administration is in charge. That must be disappointing for Benedict Donald, who loves to cozy up to famous folks who have golden gewgaws in their homes. Proximity to such people gives him validation.

Interestingly, Leo hasn't backed off his criticism of the Trumpsters one bit, and in fact has doubled down. So whatever the goal of this silly January meeting was, it looks like it backfired big-time.

Sadly, Americans who were hoping to see Il Papa toss out the first pitch for the Chicago White Sox this summer are out of luck. But we hope Leo enjoys some scuba diving and fresh seafood and couscous on Lampedusa instead. He deserves it. We cats PURR.

The Bat Man Speaks, Trump TACOs

By Miss Kubelik

Pope Leo may not have taken off after Benedict Donald with a baseball bat today, but when he spoke out against Trump's Iran threats, he might as well have. Leo knocked it out of the park, and as we all now know, Trump caved. Sadly, the farce will start all over again in two weeks.

This is why we try our damndest to limit our exposure to Donald Trump. He's simply not healthy for children and other living things.

We saw a lot of talk on the interwebs today about Congress. Leo himself actually suggested that Americans call their members and Senators to get them to do something. (Did the Capitol switchboard crash? You can only wonder.) We cats mostly lurked on the social platforms, but whenever we got the chance, we reminded tweeters and skeeters that Republicans are in charge of the House and Senate, not us. In Trump's first term, when we had control of the House, we impeached the motherfucker not once but twice. It was Republicans who refused to convict. Which would have prevented him running again.

Meanwhile, we're wondering if Trump's "civilization will die tonight" tweet will have any effect on today's special election in GA-14. The former Congresswoman from that district, Marjorie Taylor Greene, published an absolutely scathing anti-Trump, anti-Iran-war post yesterday. Will that have any effect on the margin? Shawn Harris won't win — but could he come close, and put another scare into the GOP? (Right now, Harris is only three percentage points behind with 40 percent of the vote in.) That would make us cats PURR.

(UPDATE, April 8: Looks like Republican Clay Fuller ended up beating Shawn Harris by 11 points. Less than two years ago, MTG won re-election by 30 points. We hope Harris is willing to run again in November — it'll be fun to make Republicans spend money in a district they should be able to completely take for granted. We cats PURR.)

Donald Crosses One Line Too Many. Mr. Kristi Noem Just Cross-Dresses.

By Miss Kubelik

There's a perfect headline in The Guardian tonight about Benedict Donald's latest Executive Order: "Trump Signs Order to Restrict Mail-In Ballots in Probably Unconstitutional Move."

Gosh, could American media write headlines like that? After all, as The Guardian correctly points out, "The US constitution gives the President no authority over elections, and expressly authorizes states to set election rules."(Look it up: Article I, Section 4, Clause 1.)

Take it from us, if an Executive Order from the President could magically fix problems with state-run elections, Lyndon Johnson wouldn't have troubled himself to make Congress pass the Voting Rights Act. He could have just wiped out Jim Crow and poll taxes at the ballot box with the stroke of a pen. But it doesn't work that way.

Donald's performative antics have gotten so silly, they deserve nothing more than an exasperated eye roll. Yes, Marc Elias and his valiant team at Democracy Docket will have to contest this latest EO in court. However, judges have become the biggest eye rollers of them all.

Take US District Judge Richard Leon, an appointee of the man we used to call The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived. (Trump long ago left George W. Bush in the dust.) Leon put a stop to Donald's $400 million Beyond Bad Ballroom today. It looks like the Congress will have to bless it now, and if folks on Capitol Hill value their jobs, they'll vote it down in a heartbeat. (Hint: It's not popular.)

Also today, US District Judge Randolph Moss permanently blocked a Trump EO that defunded NPR and PBS. "It is difficult to conceive of clearer evidence that a government action is targeted at viewpoints that the President does not like and seeks to squelch," Moss wrote.

The judicial branch is really the only guardrail left, which seems an odd thing to say in the era of the Roberts Court — but Trump is definitely feeling it. If Donald's in the dumps about all this, he can comfort himself that maybe he's not the most ridiculous person in his orbit these days. There's Kristi Noem, for example. We cats PURR.

We Have Our Marching Orders

By Sniffles

Yes, social media suffered a huge (and deserved) loss in court this week, and we're glad. But we cats wouldn't stay on platforms like Bluesky if they didn't give us a laugh. And sometimes it can even make us grin about a story that we'd seen and found disgusting and despicable.

Exhibit A: the news that Benedict Donald intends to add his signature to US currency, supposedly in honor of the nation's 250th birthday in July. What a bunch of horse hockey. There's no law prohibiting it — but once again, Trump is flouting a 165-year tradition, just to see if he can get away with it (he will) and to assuage his ever-fragile ego. For our part, if we ever received a bill with Trump's signature on it, we'd go to the bank and insist on exchanging it.

It is all sickening, Hitlerian idolatry, and we can't wait to get out of this nightmarish Trumpy timeline we all inhabit. In the meantime, Canada has ridden to our rescue, with this less-than-respectful riff on their own colorful currency. Wilfrid Laurier makes a good-looking Vulcan, doesn't he? Take inspiration from their creativity! We cats PURR.

A Royal Error

By Baxter

Nobody expected to see King Charles II in the news today, but there he was. And all because Jake Sherman of Punchbowl News either made a nearly (if not completely) understandable typo, or he really doesn't know his English monarchs.

Sherman tweeted this morning: "WH expected to announce that KING CHARLES II will make a state visit next month. Likely to include address to joint session." Okay, how is that going to work?

At first we thought maybe it was the White House that got Charles's number wrong. (They're not bright.) But on closer look, Sherman was quote-tweeting an earlier Punchbowl post that had it right. So it was Just Jake. Tweeps immediately jumped in with all sorts of Charles II jocularity. Did you know that was a thing? Apparently it is.

After a few hours, Sherman must have figured out what was going on. "King Charles III," he said. "Not Charles II. The latter died 300 years ago. Sorry." The tweet didn't really help, because the jocularity raged on. 

As everyone pointed out ad infinitum, Charles II was the 17th-century king who succeeded to the throne after the English Civil Wars. He was known for his love of opulent dress, his interest in the arts, and his spaniels. (And in Forever Amber, he was played by George Sanders, which was, take it from us, terrific casting.) Journalism's in a sorry state when we can't decide if Sherman's goof was a typo or not. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Clown Show, Clown Shoes

Does anyone know why the Cabinet members didn't just go online and buy Trump's cheap Florsheim shoes in the correct size? Why would grown men be willing to humiliate themselves for Donald? We cats HISS.

Tillis Is Tops (With Caveats)

By Hubie and Bertie

Lots of news in the firehose tonight, but what really stood out for us was Republican Senator Thom Tillis raking puppy killer Kristi Noem over the coals in today's Senate Oversight Committee hearing.

What we really like about it is that Tillis drew a direct line between Noem killing her dog to the lax training of the ICE agents who have detained, abused, and murdered American citizens, in Minnesota and elsewhere. That needed to be done, and was excellent work, Senator! Still, we wish that you and your fellow Republicans would not wait until (like you) you're retiring to call a spade a spade.

Our other question was: Why did Noem come to this Congressional hearing dressed like she was going to a party? Her hair was FOX-News-fluffed-out to the nth degree, she was flashing cleavage, and she was sporting a huge pair of dangling earrings. This is professional? This communicates her dedication to DHS's responsibility to protect Americans' safety? We think not. Please, universe, return us to the days of serious people at the head of serious government agencies, taking Congressional testimony seriously. We cats HISS.