Another Lucko

Let's end the month with warm wishes for former First Lady Rosalynn Carter, who, as The Carter Center announced this week, is suffering from dementia. We can't claim to have any inside scoop from Plains, but from the news reports, it sounds as if the Carters' sunset days are landing gently. That makes us happy. We cats PURR. 

(IMAGE: Mike Luckovich, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

...But Lucko Nails It

Please send this to every MAGA fool who's ever said Joe Biden was a doddering, dementia-ridden old fool who can't find his pants in the morning and falls off his bike all the time. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Mike Luckovich, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Alberta Botches It...

By Hubie and Bertie

Lefty Canadians on Twitter are in despair tonight about yesterday's provincial election in Alberta. Canada's most right-wing province voted to keep the Conservatives in power, as they're wont to do — but this time, alarm bells were ringing since the current Premier is a MAGA-y nutjob who loves Ron DeSantis — and who has been generating gasp-inducing headlines in a way that even Marjorie Taylor Greene might envy.

Danielle Smith is a joke as a politician, but she's an elected Premier now, and she's dead set against any action on climate change. Unless she somehow self-destructs along the way, she'll surely give Ottawa and the federal Liberals huge headaches on that issue. As for Albertans, they could easily find their healthcare privatized, their books banned, and their pension savings snatched from the country's federal plan and absconded into a risky plan of Alberta's alone. Not good.

On the brighter side, the race was very close, with the New Democratic Party shaving the UCP's margin to 49-38 — a swing of 15 seats. Their party leader, former Premier Rachel Notley, will head the largest official opposition in Alberta history. It won't be easy for Smith to govern a province that's split 50-50 between its rural and urban constituencies.

It would have been so much better for Canada if Alberta had repeated its election of 2015 and put the NDP in charge. But the resurgence of the NDP is a heartening sign, and we cats choose to PURR.

Terrible Person, Terrible Tweet

By Miss Kubelik

It goes without saying that Dinesh D'Souza is an awful excuse for a human being. But what has suddenly triggered him into this recent racist rant? (That is, beside the fact that he's already a racist.)

Perhaps Dinesh just can't bear all the Black folk whom Joe Biden appointed to his Administration — beginning with Kamala Harris as his VP, of course. Did the images from Memorial Day 2023 remind Dinesh that not only is our Secretary of Defense African-American, so is the incoming Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff?

And then there are the prominent Team Biden African-Americans who are spending their time these days kicking Republican ass. Shalanda Young, director of the OMB, just brokered the much-MAGA-hated deal on raising the debt ceiling. Speaker-in-waiting Hakeem Jeffries is, so far, almost Pelosi-like in managing his House caucus — unlike a certain dude named Kevin on the other side of the aisle.

Or maybe it's just that Dinesh sees the walls closing around his pardoner, Benedict Donald — walls that are being pushed by Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg, Fulton County, Georgia, DA Fani Willis, and New York State Attorney General Letitia James.

Whatever the reasons, we cats are glad to see all this Black power arrayed against the forces of evil, and we PURR.

Winners And Losers

 

By Zamboni

Lots of fun in Washington these past few days as the championship teams visit and celebrate their wins. Here are the LSU Tigers, who seem perfectly happy to be at the White House with the Bidens, talking-head pundits notwithstanding.

In Texas, though, things haven't been quite as jolly. Republicans have raced to impeach Attorney General Ken Paxton, which they did today in a lopsided vote despite Benedict Donald and Rafael Cruz attempting to intervene on Paxton's behalf. Kind of interesting! Of course, the few Democrats in the Texas House also voted to impeach, because Paxton has been insane and corrupt since Day One. But otherwise, they stood aside and watched the Republicans tear themselves apart.

Two takeaways from this Lone Star State self-immolation: This is what happens when one party is in such firm control for such a long time and goes so whack-jobby — they start eating their own. (Ohio knows what this is like. Perhaps at some point, Florida will find out, too.)

Second, while Trump had no choice but to weigh in (Paxton is a loyal foot soldier), he would have been better off just staying out of it. Cruz, too. Instead, they both come off looking weaker. Colin Allred is surely taking notes, and as for Trump, the GOP must know he's circling the toilet bowl. Problem for them is that they can't finally flush him away yet — and may never be able to. We cats PURR.

Silence Is Not Golden

By Baxter

Shutting down the vote count in the state of Florida in 2000 handed the White House to George W. Bush. (Remember him? The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived? Of course, that was before Benedict Donald.)

Now, Miami-Dade County has restricted Amanda Gorman's poetry in its public schools on the basis of a complaint by a single parent — who has turned out to be an anti-Semite with ties to white supremacist groups. But that's Florida under the helm of Ron DeSantis. In short, the state that gave Bush the Presidency is on a right-wing roll, curtailing freedoms, suppressing the vote, denying body autonomy, and basically rigging everything so that Ron can run for President without having to disclose his expenses or step away from the governorship. Ugh.

But this Nazi-ish book banning made us wonder: When Bush II was in the White House, America's First Lady spent her time championing libraries, literacy, and language. As someone who earned a degree in library science, Laura Bush couldn't stop talking about how important it was for kids to read and to learn. Books, how she loved them.

So where is Laura the Librarian now? Why doesn't she speak up about what's going on in the state that put her at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue? The state that elected her brother-in-law governor twice?

Republicans are such cowards. While we dearly hope they will finally destroy themselves over Benedict Donald in the next couple of years, it would be nice if some of them would call out the fascism that the GOP is fomenting across the country. We cats are frustrated, and we HISS.

Rhonda Fails To Launch

By Sniffles

After a mishap-laden and underwhelming soft rollout, the Ron DeSantis for President campaign needed to project an aura of credibility and competence tonight. You'd think that even the most clownish staff could manage to pull that off, at some point — at least once. Especially with a big assist from Elon Musk.

Alas, for them, it was not to be. The much-touted "Twitter spaces campaign announcement" crashed and burned just now with moments of silence, microphone echoes, and other hiccups. Thirty minutes later, they were finally able to start the broadcast, but how many of their mere 100,000 listeners had they lost by then? And all the headlines will be about the technical difficulties, not anything DeSantis said.

Dark Brandon wasted no time making fun of the whole thing (see above). And goodness gracious, we can't wait until Benedict Donald weighs in! He'll be brutal. 

So, not a bad day. In addition to Rhonda's and Elon's rapid unscheduled disassembly, Trump is all mad about his March 2024 court date, and the dude who put his feet up on Nancy Pelosi's desk on January 6 got sentenced to four-plus years in the hoosegow. We cats PURR.

UPDATE: The rapid unscheduled disassembly ended up with an audience of 300,000. That compares unfavorably with AOC's video game stint on Twitch (430,000) and April the giraffe giving birth (1.2 million).

Banning Amanda In Ron DeFascist's Florida

Here is the text of Amanda Gorman's poem "The Hills We Climb," which she read at President Biden's inauguration and which schools in Miami-Dade County, Florida, just banned.

When day comes we ask ourselves,
where can we find light in this never-ending shade?
The loss we carry,
a sea we must wade.
We've braved the belly of the beast,
We've learned that quiet isn't always peace,
and the norms and notions
of what just is
isn't always just-ice.
And yet the dawn is ours
before we knew it.
Somehow we do it.
Somehow we've weathered and witnessed
a nation that isn't broken,
but simply unfinished.
We the successors of a country and a time
where a skinny Black girl
descended from slaves and raised by a single mother
can dream of becoming president
only to find herself reciting for one.
And yes we are far from polished.
Far from pristine.
But that doesn't mean we are
striving to form a union that is perfect.
We are striving to forge a union with purpose,
to compose a country committed to all cultures, colors, characters and
conditions of man.
And so we lift our gazes not to what stands between us,
but what stands before us.
We close the divide because we know, to put our future first,
we must first put our differences aside.
We lay down our arms
so we can reach out our arms
to one another.
We seek harm to none and harmony for all.
Let the globe, if nothing else, say this is true,
that even as we grieved, we grew,
that even as we hurt, we hoped,
that even as we tired, we tried,
that we'll forever be tied together, victorious.
Not because we will never again know defeat,
but because we will never again sow division.
Scripture tells us to envision
that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree
and no one shall make them afraid.
If we're to live up to our own time,
then victory won't lie in the blade.
But in all the bridges we've made,
that is the promise to glade,
the hill we climb.
If only we dare.
It's because being American is more than a pride we inherit,
it's the past we step into
and how we repair it.
We've seen a force that would shatter our nation
rather than share it.
Would destroy our country if it meant delaying democracy.
And this effort very nearly succeeded.
But while democracy can be periodically delayed,
it can never be permanently defeated.
In this truth,
in this faith we trust.
For while we have our eyes on the future,
history has its eyes on us.
This is the era of just redemption
we feared at its inception.
We did not feel prepared to be the heirs
of such a terrifying hour
but within it we found the power
to author a new chapter.
To offer hope and laughter to ourselves.
So while once we asked,
how could we possibly prevail over catastrophe?
Now we assert,
How could catastrophe possibly prevail over us?
We will not march back to what was,
but move to what shall be.
A country that is bruised but whole,
benevolent but bold,
fierce and free.
We will not be turned around
or interrupted by intimidation,
because we know our inaction and inertia
will be the inheritance of the next generation.
Our blunders become their burdens.
But one thing is certain,
If we merge mercy with might,
and might with right,
then love becomes our legacy,
and change our children's birthright.
So let us leave behind a country
better than the one we were left with.
Every breath from my bronze-pounded chest,
we will raise this wounded world into a wondrous one.
We will rise from the gold-limbed hills of the west.
We will rise from the windswept northeast,
where our forefathers first realized revolution.
We will rise from the lake-rimmed cities of the midwestern states.
We will rise from the sunbaked south.
We will rebuild, reconcile and recover.
And every known nook of our nation and
every corner called our country,
our people diverse and beautiful will emerge,
battered and beautiful.
When day comes we step out of the shade,
aflame and unafraid,
the new dawn blooms as we free it.
For there is always light,
if only we're brave enough to see it.
If only we're brave enough to be it.

Do It Again

By Hubie and Bertie

E. Jean Carroll has decided to seek additional damages from Benedict Donald after he went on that ridiculous CNN "town hall" the day after a Manhattan jury found him civilly liable for defamation and sexual abuse, and proceeded to do the defamation part all over again.

Today's court filing said that Trump's CNN blather "show[ed] the depth of his malice toward Carroll, since it is hard to imagine defamatory conduct that could possibly be more motivated by hatred, ill will or spite...This conduct supports a very substantial punitive damages award in Carroll's favor to punish Trump, to deter him from engaging in further defamation, and to deter others from doing the same."

We cats are subscribers to E. Jean's substack thingy, and the comments from fans there tonight are wildly amusing. "Sue that fat old traitor for $500 million this time, E. Jean!" "I always knew you'd be the one to stand up to Der Gropenführer!" "Sue that bloated pile of human garbage into oblivion!" "You have done what an entire wing of sniveling cowards in America's political system doesn't have the backbone or the courage to do — demand accountability of the dumpster fire!"

When E. Jean and her lawyer Robbie Kaplan appeared on MSNBC after the verdict, Carroll said she'd been insulted in the past by better people than Trump. Back in 1971, Canadian Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau said much the same thing about Richard Nixon. Don't you love it when folks you admire nail America's two worst Presidents? We cats PURR.

One Last Image From The G7

Root for photos like this to drive Vladimir Putin crazy. He got booted from the G8 a few years ago, and now the President of Ukraine is warmly welcomed at the G7 in Japan. Bonus points for the fact that it also bugs the hell out of MAGA Republicans in Congress. We cats PURR.

The Right Stuff

This image of the G7 Western leaders Putin hates just struck us — what can we say? We cats PURR.

PMJT, Standing Up For Human Rights

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau called out right-wing Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Miloni over Italy's stance on LGBTQ2S+ rights at the G7 summit. Check out the look on her face. We cats PURR.

Stupid Doesn't Stop At The Border

By Miss Kubelik

The right wingers are doing a lot of self-kneecapping these days. Mike Pence declares for a six-week national abortion ban. Kevin McCarthy paints himself into a corner. Fox "News" admits a story they touted was made up. Tim Scott decides he should run for President. Ron DeSantis opens his mouth.

But we're not sure there's anything stupider than what's going on in Alberta right now. They have a provincial election on May 29. Their choices for premier: a Trumpy nutjob named Danielle Smith, who is incumbent not because she won a previous election, but because she succeeded the provincial party leader after he resigned, and Rachel Notley, a former premier from the New Democratic Party.

Smith's shamelessness was on full display the other night during a leaders' debate, as she lied about job losses under the NDP, the carbon tax, and her recent interference in the provincial justice system. "Smith is very good at looking believable when she’s saying things that aren’t true," said one political scientist.

Canadians are starting to figure out that the national Conservatives and their compatriots out in the provinces are trying mighty hard to Trumpify their politics. Like the MAGAts who threaten disunity in the United States, Smith has floated the idea of Albertan independence before — although she's probably soft-pedaling now that the province is burning and she's had to accept support from Ottawa and from firefighters across the country. Maybe Albertans are deciding they've had enough? We cats hope so, and we PURR.

(IMAGE: Signs of hope in Calgary.)

"Both Sides"

"Tonight on @wbaltv11: A man with an AR-15 has been showing up for weeks to a school bus dropoff for local elementary school students. Parents say their kids are afraid, the man says he’s protesting @GovWesMoore’s new gun control law. You’ll hear from both sides at 5 and 6 pm." (Pardon us cats while we throw up and HISS.)

Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200

By Zamboni

We cats are no admirers of The Wall Street Journal, especially since Rupert Murdoch bought it and allowed the right-wing zaniness of its editorial page to creep into its news coverage. But it performed an important public service back in 2015, when it pulled the curtain away from the swindler known as Elizabeth Holmes.

Now, the creepy Holmes, who was convicted of defrauding investors in her fake blood-testing company Theranos, has been ordered to report to prison on May 30 to start her 11-year sentence. It's about freaking time. Ramesh Balwani, her partner in crime (and ugh, former boyfriend), has already been hauled off to the hoosegow for his own, 13-year sentence. So why was Balwani treated differently?

Maybe because he didn't get pregnant a couple of times during his appeal and try to play the mommy card to stay out of jail, like Holmes did. Even now, she's been given the next two weeks to "make child care arrangements." Jesus, lock her up already.

It would be interesting if the press would ask for comments from the many Republicans that were duped by Holmes, including Bill Frist, the DeVos and Walton families, Robert Kraft, Henry Kissinger — and, ironically, Rupert Murdoch, whom Holmes had asked to quash the Journal's reporting. (George Shultz, however, is reported to be unavailable.) We cats HISS.

DeSantis Gets Dinged

By Baxter

Chalk up another reason why Ron DeSantis's pathetic launch as Mr. Invincible has been a disaster: His highly touted, far-right candidate for Mayor of Jacksonville just lost to the Democrat, Donna Deegan.

After the first round of voting in March, Deegan and Republican Daniel Davis faced off against each other in today's runoff. And gee, not long ago, pollsters were saying that the race was too close to call, with Deegan at 48 percent and Davis at 47. But now, Deegan has beaten Davis by more than five points.

It might seem like Inside Baseball, politically speaking, but it's important. Jacksonville is Florida's most populous city, and DeSantis had put a lot of his political capital behind Davis, making the Duval County GOP gleefully ready to claim victory. "The choice before all Duval voters is now clear," they exulted after the endorsement. "Will they support an avowed Leftist like ‘Defund’ Donna Deegan, who is determined to undermine law and order in favor of a woke agenda, or will they support our Governor and VOTE for Daniel Davis?"

Well, we know the answer now: When dictators like DeSantis get too cocky about themselves and Republican runoff candidates veer too far to the right, Democrats win. (Also, good grass-roots organizing and getting our vote out help.) We cats PURR.

Start Your Week Right, With Randy

Another excellent production by Randy Rainbow. Although we've only seen the movie "Hairspray" and not the musical, we think Randy was clever to pick a vehicle that features a male actor in prominent drag — Divine in the film, and Harvey Fierstein on the stage. We cats PURR.

Everything Old Is New Again

By Sniffles

President Biden spoke at Howard University's commencement today. He talked about how the Trumpsters, white supremacists and anti-democratic forces try to divide Americans against one another. It dawned on us that, although today's TV pundits might try to tell you different, this is not a new thing.

Here's Robert Redford in a funny bit from The Candidate (1972), in which his Senate hopeful character, Bill McKay, gets a little nutty from repeating all his stump speeches. But the sentiment he speaks about — Americans against Americans — is the same. We cats PURR.

Fantasies And Fearmongering

By Hubie and Bertie

House Republicans have a sadz. This week, lots of sadzs.

They've been furiously investigating the foreign business dealings of Hunter Biden, which pale in comparison to the Trump spawn's. What's a measely $10 million compared to $2 billion from the Saudis? We're not seeing Gym Jordan dragging Ivanka and Jared in for hearings, are we?

Even though they held a breathless news conference about this, um, non-news, they ultimately had to admit that they've found nothing to link Dark Brandon to anything Hunter has done. "Their presentation underscored how little headway top GOP lawmakers have made in finding clear evidence of questionable transactions they can tie to Mr. Biden," The New York Times reports. (Check out their body language in these photos — particularly Gym's — and you'll see.)

The GOP was also eagerly anticipating a chaotic surge at the US border with Mexico once COVID restrictions expired Thursday night. Team Gym held screaming hearings about the coming invasion, and Trumpsters tweeted images of surging migrant crowds, to strike fear in the hearts of white Americans. (One problem: The photos dated back to 2018. Who was President then?) But yesterday the border was calm. Sorry, guys.

Finally, this week's House hearing on DA Alvin Bragg's indictment of Benedict Donald completely blew up in the Republicans' faces, thanks to witness Mark Pomerantz. Mind you, the hearings are an unconstitutional interference into the work of a local prosecutor, but that doesn't stop the House MAGAts. They thought they'd hit pay dirt with the prosecutor who resigned from Bragg's staff February 2022. But his opening statement — and subsequent refusal to answer questions — called them on their political theater, and shut them right down. You can read the statement here. We cats PURR.

CNN Crashes And Burns

By Miss Kubelik

Keith Olbermann described last night's CNN "town hall" with Benedict Donald as akin to the Hindenburg, but we're going with Buster Keaton's 1926 masterpiece, The General.

Did we watch the "town hall"? The answer is no. Like the Oscars, why waste your time when you can read all about it in three minutes the next morning? But online, we could easily and immediately glean that, under its new leadership, CNN believes they should become the new Fox. How far away are they from making an offer to Tucker Carlson? Don't laugh, it could happen.

Trump, of course, was his usual lying, whining, self-pitying, gaslighting self, running roughshod over the hapless Kaitlin Collins and egged on mightily by the wildly applauding studio audience. (No need to feel sorry for Collins — here's your handy reminder that she used to work for The Daily Caller.) If there's any justice in the world, CNN will experience the tremendous backlash they deserve. For our part, we have no plans to ever visit that channel again.

There are consolations, however: The New Hampshire audience is not, repeat, not representative of America, and anyone who tries to sell you that tired line is a BSer of the highest order. But the "town hall" handed Democrats across the country a lot of great campaign ads. (In fact, Team Biden has already done one.) Trump gave Jack Smith and Fani Willis additional ammunition as they weigh their January 6 and Georgia indictments. Women voters — key to anyone's victory in 2024 — got to hear Trump mock a sexual assault survivor. And E. Jean Carroll could possibly be due another $5 million. We cats PURR.

Canadians, Tired

By Zamboni

This has caused quite a kerfuffle on Canadian Twitter. (So has the recently unveiled passport design, ginned up by the Conservative Party, but that's a subject for another post.)

This ad is by the old Freedumb Convoy idiots who last year took over Ottawa, a crucial bridge between Ontario and the US, and a border crossing out west. They wreaked havoc for weeks, cost the Canadian economy a ton of money, and never really made it clear what they were "protesting." Vaccines? Maybe. But inevitably it all boiled down to the fact that they didn't like Justin Trudeau.

Long story short, these fools are still around, and their Trudeau loathing is unabated. So they promoted this "rally" for, um, whatever, and invited people to join them at a Canadian Tire in Oakville, Ontario.

That didn't sit well with Trudeau fans, many of whom retweeted the image and tagged Canadian Tire with demands for an explanation. There was also a whiff of a boycott. That got the company's attention, because they're not the only game in town — RONA, Walmart and, yes, The Home Depot are all options north of the 49th parallel.

Problem is, the statement that Canadian Tire put out was as unclear as the "F Trudeau" agenda. "Canadian Tire is not affiliated with this event and did not grant permission for use of its name, logo, stores or parking lot for this activity," it said. Okay, fine — but what are they going to do about it? Their parking lots are private property. Are they going to call the cops on Saturday? The Mounties?

The majority of Canadians think the Freedumbers are jerks, and wish they'd go away. (Or emigrate to the Trumpy portions of the US.) So we'll be keeping tabs on this story — after all, it sure beats watching Benedict Donald on CNN. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Elsie Must Be A Wreck Tonight

By Baxter

With the E. Jean Carroll verdict, and the late news that George Santos will face federal charges, Elise Stefanik has had one hell of a bad day.

"Elsie" endorsed, raised money and campaigned for Slippery Santos, so we hope that as soon as the charges become clear, journalists stampede to her office, chase her in Capitol Hill hallways, and shove microphones in her face at every opportunity to get her to comment. They'll have to be dogged about it, because Elsie is a coward who avoids unscripted events like the plague — even in her own district, NY-21.

And in the Carroll v. Trump saga, Elsie faces more than just the embarrassment of having thrown in her lot with a sexual abuser. As it happens, the now-infamous Joe Tacopina, who browbeat Carroll on Trump's behalf during her gutsy testimony, is also involved in a home-district court case that Stefanik has been quite vocal about. He's defending a man who's been accused of causing the deaths of 20 people in a horrific limousine accident in Schoharie, New York, in October 2018.

You read that right — 20 people. Seventeen friends who had hired the limo for a birthday trip to a brewery, the limo's driver, and two bystanders all died when the vehicle's brakes failed on a steep hill. The limousine company's shady manager, Nauman Hussain, is on trial for manslaughter, accused of failing to keep the vehicle off the road, after a judge scuttled a previous plea deal that called for no jail time.

Tacopina has been too busy with the Carroll trial to show up in Schoharie yet, but he's expected tomorrow or Friday. Elsie has been very vocal about Hussein and his even shadier dad, who owns the limo company his son managed. A sometime FBI informant who's been home in Pakistan since before the accident, the elder Hussain hasn't bothered to come back to the US to support his son. And Elsie's been haranguing Christopher Wray about whether the Bureau has been protecting the Hussains because, you know, Deep State and all.

So, how does Elsie feel about her hero Trump's bully lawyer heading upstate to lead the Hussein defense? Will anyone ask her? We cats switch our tails and wait, and we also HISS.

Victorious

By Sniffles

The Carroll case was a civil trial, so we won't be able to see Benedict Donald's orange face atop an orange jumpsuit. At least, not yet. But today's swift verdict in favor of E. Jean today was mighty satisfying, wasn't it? And in less than three hours, too!

We're happy to stand corrected about the nervousness we felt yesterday. Even with a MAGAt or two on the jury, it appears justice can be done. (Does Donald Trump even have $5 million? Maybe not, but it doesn't matter — E. Jean made it clear she wasn't doing this for the money. She wanted to clear her name.)

Meanwhile, looks like CNN is still going forward with its execrable "town hall" with Trump tomorrow night. Plenty of tweeps have been screaming about this and raining down demands on @CNN to cancel the event. We won't be watching it, but at this point we think, heck, let them go ahead. Wouldn't it be great if Benedict Donald says something defamatory about E. Jean Carroll again, on live TV? Then she could turn around and sue him again! That would make us cats PURR.

Postively Ocher

By Hubie and Bertie

Is it just us, or was Benedict Donald more orange than usual when he was deposed in the E. Jean Carroll case?

It's hard not to focus on how awful he looked, but what he was saying was even worse. Instead of trotting out the "locker room talk" excuse that his frantic 2016 campaign team invented about the Access Hollywood tape, Trump basically doubled down on it. Yep, he said, "stars" have raped and pillaged down through the ages, because they can — "fortunately, or unfortunately," whatever that means.

Describing Donald Trump as a "star" because he had a cheesy reality TV show in the early 2000s is a real stretch. Katharine Hepburn was a star. Bette Davis was a star. Humphrey Bogart was a star. But this guy, even though he stumbled into the Presidency, is not a star, and never will be.

With the closing arguments over, the Carroll case will go to the jury tomorrow. We hope they'll give E. Jean justice, but we're nervous about it. Because after all the careful explaining by Carroll and her lawyers that "the perfect rape victim" doesn't exist, the verdict may rest on six men and three women continuing to believe that in some strange corner of the universe, it does — or should. We cats switch our tails, and wait.

Not Stamping Out The Monarchy Any Time Soon

By Miss Kubelik

We cats hope you had a lovely Coronation weekend. That Derby thing that also happened yesterday was problematic, but maybe the doings in London were, too. We saw lots of angry tweets about Camilla replacing Diana, who's been dead for 25 years. And in spite of the Crown's efforts to be inclusive, it's hard to argue with Black Twitter that anything starring the Windsors is the whitest thing you'll ever see.

But nice things happened, too. For example, Canada issued this stamp, its first to feature Charles. It's a flattering image — his ears and nose don't look quite so big, and his eyes seem less beady. But we wonder what kind of market there will be for it, especially in Quebec, where — putting the Diana stans to shame — they're still steaming about losing that Plains of Abraham battle to the British in 1759. The feeling's intensified since the last English monarch was crowned. Elizabeth II's coronation in 1953 brought hundreds of thousands of Montrealers out for a big parade, if you can believe it. Not so much this time.

Nevertheless, it appears that the True North is stuck with Charles for the foreseeable future. Canada, say the experts, "cannot become a republic without a constitutional amendment, and the Canadian Constitution is the world’s most difficult to amend." Throwing off the monarchy would require unanimous approval of both houses of Parliament and all 10 provinces. "We have never successfully used this impossible procedure," constitutional scholar Richard Albert helpfully reminds everyone.

So Canadians will probably do what they did with Charles's mum — lick stamps and use currency with his image, without much notice or thought. And savor the fact that their country consistently lands in the top five most-admired nations in the world. We cats PURR.

Classy Move.

First Lady Jill Biden and her granddaughter Finnegan evoked the Ukrainian flag in their Coronation wear. We cats PURR.

The Spirit Of Canada

"Canada is the land of opportunity. Canada is the land of generosity. Canada is the land of stability. Canada is the land of tolerance. Canada is the land of the rule of law. No, Mr. Poilievre, Canada is not broken."

— Former Prime Minister Jean Chretien, address to Liberal Party Convention, May 2023

PMJT's Barn-Burner

By Zamboni

Our American readers can be forgiven for not noticing how Trumpy the Conservative Party in Canada has become. 

But they have. Here are just a few examples: A total charlatan is running for premier of Alberta later this month, and Conservative leader Pierre Poilievre, possibly the most unappealing person to head the party since Stephen Harper, has been copying Benedict Donald in all his non-glory — acting obnoxiously in Parliament, and making accusations that are completely unfounded in fact.

In short, this is not the time for Canada's Liberal Party to disarm itself by declaring that its most popular leader, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau, should step aside. Au contraire: PMJT just announced that he intends to lead the Liberals to something no other Canadian leader has done for a century — win a popular mandate four times in a row.

We also love the fact that Justin talked about the "woke" obsession of Conservatives and then addressed Poilievre directly: "Pierre Poilievre, wake up!" Well done.

After his speech, Prime Minister Trudeau left for the coronation of King Charles III. Canada, after all, is still a member of the Commonwealth — and to disentangle itself from the monarchy would be, constitutionally, an arduous task. Don't expect it to happen any time soon. In the meantime, we cats salute PMJT, and we PURR.

The Nooses Are Tightening

By Baxter

Wow! Eight of the 16 fake Trump electors from Georgia have accepted immunity deals from Fulton County DA Fani Willis — which might explain why developments on that front have taken this long to unfold.

And that's just one of the many pieces of Trump-related news to break lately — none of them good for Benedict Donald.

Special Counsel Jack Smith is broadening his investigation into the Mar-a-Lago documents case — sending subpoenas to everyone in sight — and zeroing in on potential alterations to the MAL security videos. The Proud Boys were convicted on Thursday of seditious conspiracy. And Trump has mounted no defense in the E. Jean Carroll civil rape trial. In fact, the video of his October deposition in the Carroll case became public today, and it's just as disgusting as you'd expect. ("You wouldn't be a choice of mine, either," Trump said to Carroll attorney Roberta Kaplan, an openly out lesbian. Hilarious!)

Add to that the fact that Smith is investigating Trump's dealings with the Saudis, and Donald has just passed another terrible week. (And maybe Ron DeSantis shouldn't feel so sanguine, either.)

Dear readers, things are moving. Yes, it takes time, but would you rather have these investigations go fast, or be accurate? We vote for accurate. All these traitors, from the January 6 insurrectionists to Trump, have to be held accountable — and the American model of due process, even if it's a bit clunky for 24-hour cable TV, continues to be the envy of the world. Let's keep it that way. We cats PURR.

To Sir, Without Much Love

By Sniffles

The coronation of Charles Philip Arthur George (or "Philip Charles Arthur George," as Diana flubbed it at the altar in 1981) is Saturday, and the media are bending over backward to find new ways of saying how unexcited everyone is.

Which means we're just two days away from the massive journalistic pivot, in which the narrative will become, "Oh, we thought no one was going to care, and it was going to be dull and irrelevant, but the pomp and pageantry (and the diverse attendees) have won us over."

Poor Charles. He's really trying, and you know that he and the Queen thought Brexit was daft, although they couldn't say so. But aside from all that, and the rest of the garbage that trails the Royal Family around in the popular press, the ceremony will no doubt be something to see. There hasn't been one in 70 years, for heaven's sake, and it'll be interesting to note all the deviations from 1953 — Hindus and Muslims, Indigenous dignitaries, etc. (Including the first Indigenous Governor-General of Canada. For us cats, we're just here for the Mounties.)

Another reason to watch — whether live or recorded — is that you have to go back to 1937 to find a coronation that included a Queen Consort. Check out this clip from The King's Speech to see how the filmmakers imagined George VI rehearsed. Kinda fun to picture Helena Bonham-Carter getting crowned beside him.

Which brings us to our final point: The late Queen's father is the primary reason we're tempted to harbor any feelings of respect for the House of Windsor. George VI wasn't raised to be King, but let's just say that ascending the throne in the place of his awful brother was a blessing for the family and the world. (They did Nazi that Abdication thing coming.)

The role of the UK's constitutional monarchy is always a topic worth debating. But in the meantime, let's all remember that, as The New Yorker has pointed out, when Charles was a young man in the 1970s, Britain was just one helicopter crash or off-piste ski accident from King Andrew I. Whew! We cats PURR.

May The Fourth Be With You

You knew somebody was going to do a Joe-bi Wan, right? We cats PURR.

"Our Team Is Texas"

By Hubie and Bertie

This excellent announcement video by Congressman Colin Allred of Texas raises a dilemma. We cats have Democratic friends who fervently believe in running everywhere. We also have friends who are equally as convinced that we have to focus our resources on races we can win.

For example, although Marcus Flowers was an attractive Democratic candidate in Georgia, he was never going to beat Marjorie Taylor Greene in her right-right-right-wing district, despite all the money that poured into Flowers's coffers from across the country.

So by that reasoning, when it comes to, say, holding the Senate in 2024, Democrats should allocate their resources to closer contests — races like Jon Tester's in Montana and Sherrod Brown's in Ohio. We get it. We haven't won a statewide race in Texas for ages.

Still and all, Allred is running to beat the ever-loathsome Ted Cruz.

So if you're thinking through your donation map for next year, our advice for the moment is this: Keep your eye on Allred. Cruz only won by a few points last time, and legal trouble looms ahead for him — thanks to the still-unfolding Republican disaster known as Dominion Voting Systems v. Fox News Network. It's only May 2023, after all. We cats PURR.

Adieu, Gordon

By Miss Kubelik

Gordon Lightfoot was more than an entertainer — he personified Canadian identity. So Canada is mourning his death today, and south of the border, we are, too. Losing him and Harry Belafonte in the space of a single week is tough stuff.

Even so, he was 84, and an early devotee of hard living (although he straightened himself up and flew right after a while). But you can't get away from the knowledge that we probably had him longer than we deserved to — and it showed. The last time we saw him perform, he was rail-then, wizened and old. But thanks to his artistry (like this wonderful song), he'll never Be Anything But Beautiful. We cats PURR.

Heavens To Metsy

By Zamboni

Tonight's Met Gala is honoring the work of designer Karl Lagerfeld — who was kind of a dicey character, but who is also now safely dead. Celebrities are showing up in all sorts of outré outfits, as usual. But for obvious reasons, we like this get-up sported by Jared Leto (a.k.a. Lagerfeld's pet cat, Choupette).

And the best thing about the gala? Ivanka Trump isn't there — and never will be welcome again, we hear. We cats PURR.

Signs Of Defeat?

 

Happy first day of May, on which the judge in the E. Jean Carroll v. Trump rape case has already denied mobster lawyer Joe Tacopino's move for a mistrial. Apparently Joey's feelings were hurt when it became clear that both Judge Kaplan and Ms. Carroll knew who Jonathan Swift was, and he didn't. Or else Tacopino is setting up the appeal after the jury rules for the plaintiff. We'll see. We cats PURR.