Ew, no.
Better yet, would you commit suicide over him? By setting yourself on fire? Good God.
Incredibly, this dude will probably be in the House tonight for Benedict Donald's SOTU. He is Tony Gonzales, Republican of Texas, and he's embroiled in a sex scandal unlike anything we've ever seen. Word has it that Tony first pressured his Congressional aide, Regina Santos-Aviles, for nude pictures via naughty texts, and then eventually coerced her into adultery. (They were both married. Gonzales has six kids.)
Santos-Aviles's husband found out, and trouble ensued. Gonzales ended the affair in June last year, after which Regina ended it all, using one of the most ghastly suicide methods available. Jeez, give us pills any time.
Things have not gone well for Tonykins lately. The affair has rocked his upcoming March 3 primary against a former Republican opponent who almost beat him in 2024. And four conservative House Republicans — Thomas Massie, Lauren Boebert, Anna Paulina Luna, and Nancy Mace — have publicly demanded he resign. (He refuses.) Meanwhile, über-Christian Preacher of the House Mike Johnson, eternally hypocritical as always and worried about his slim majority, refuses to take a position on the resignation. But never fear — Mikey will "discuss the allegations" with Gonzales. Whew, we feel better now!
We're happy to have Tony Gonzales hanging around Republicans' necks for as long as possible. More GOP tsouris in 2026! We cats PURR.
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