Nous Sommes d'Accord

Maybe Ted Will Try To Bring A Concealed Weapon Into the Capitol

By Zamboni

We cats hope we're wrong, but we have a sneaking suspicion that someone is going to try to pull a Joe Wilson at tomorrow's State of the Union address.

After all, why not? The Republicans have never sunk lower. They're absolutely crushed that Obama was re-elected, so they've been spending their days either throwing constant temper tantrums or desperately (and futilely) trying to reboot. Karl Rove has started a civil war with his new "We Hate Teabaggers" PAC, and TIME magazine has anointed a baby-faced Cuban as the GOP's "savior" in the never-ending Republican leadership vacuum. Have things ever been worse?

So.... if you're a right-wing, Obama-hating, gun-clinging, gay-despising, anti-choice teabagger Congressman who has a chair to warm in the House chamber tomorrow night — and if you need to raise a boatload of money from the Freepers and such folk (or just sell a bunch of T-shirts and bumper stickers) — wouldn't you stage a disruption?

In fact, wouldn't you invite Ted Nugent to attend?

Swindlers' List

By Miss Kubelik

It's been three months since the election; we're a few weeks past Inauguration Day, and we're coming up on the State of the Union Address. So we cats think that for all those right wingers who are alleging voter fraud, it's time to put up or shut up.

Take our word for it, the conspiracy-mongers are out there. They're teabaggers and Freepers — who otherwise seem kind of down and dispirited — but who still rouse themselves for a multiple-comment thread of umbrage any time someone asserts pro-Obama electoral irregularities on the Internet. Pathetic!

Therefore, to all the wingnuts, we say: Tell us. Tell us the specific precincts in which Romney votes were suppressed or uncounted. Tell us how many of them Romney would have won (if the dreaded Obama machine hadn't been handing out free cell phones, that is), and by how much, and what difference those precincts and Congressional districts and uncounted thousands of votes would have made in the Electoral College. We cats want numbers. Oh, and some proof would be nice, too. Names of disenfranchised Romney supporters would be swell.

Somehow, though, we're not holding our breath. The right-wing nut cases have no figures. They have no facts. They just like to rant to each other in the echo chamber, and reinforce each others' opinions about imaginary electoral skullduggery that they're certain is true.

Meanwhile, here's the irony: Despite the Freepers' screaming about ACORN, and Hurricane Sandy, and Chris Christie, and all the other stupid things that were supposed to have tossed Election 2012 Obama's way, the President probably would have won by 6.5 to 7 million votes — instead of a mere 5 million — had the superstorm and Republican voter suppression never occurred.

We're just pointing this out to ensure that, as we all settle in for our SOTU watching parties, the teabaggers understand just how small a minority they've become. We cats PURR.

Lest We Furr-get: Republicans, Judging From Afar

By Sniffles

Chris Christie's umbrage at recent comments by Presidential physician Connie Mariano have given us cats a big, fat case of deja vu.

"I find it fascinating that a doctor in Arizona who has never met me, never examined me, never reviewed my medical history or records, knows nothing about my family history, could make a diagnosis from 2,400 miles away," Christie said.

So heartless of that mean doctor, right? We're sure that many of Christie's fellow Republicans have rushed to agree.

But at the same time, we wonder: How many of them were on the other side of things back in 2005, when medical doctor and then-Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said this:

"I question [Terri Schiavo being in a persistent vegetative state] based on a review of [her] video footage, which I spent an hour or so looking at last night in my office. She certainly seems to respond to visual stimuli."

We cats remember the Schiavo farce well. And we guarantee that Bill Frist never met Schiavo, never examined her, never reviewed her medical history or records, and knew nothing about her family history.

No doubt about it: Frist and Tom DeLay and Jeb! Bush and all the meddling Republican busybodies should take Christie's advice to "shut up." (And stop interfering in Americans' private lives. But they never will, will they?)

A Jewell Of A Cabinet Pick

So, now that President Obama has replaced a man with a woman to offset the woman he replaced with a man, can we all just call it Even Steven and get on with our lives?

Not Working

By Baxter

With Valentine's Day creeping up on little cat feet, it's time to take a fresh look at the odd bromance that blossomed last year between the heartless accountant from Wisconsin and Willard Mitt Romney.

Yes, we know — these guys are yesterday's news. But recently, an anonymous Republican tamped down the prospect of Paul-Ryan-for-President in 2016. "[Ryan] has no interest in the sheer grind of campaigning. It's hard to see him having 'what it takes.'"

Gosh, we cats thought: Who does that remind us of? Of course! Good ol' Willard — who often only did one campaign event a day, spent last Labor Day weekend (Labor Day!) on vacation in New Hampshire, and generally made it clear that he felt entitled to the Presidency. No wonder he and Ryan got along like a house on fire.

It's just more proof of the Republicans' lack of work ethic — which amazes us, especially when they're such scolds about the "takers." Think about it: Their 2012 boys find the campaign trail too arduous. Their 2008 running mate quit her day job in a huff. Their chief strategist thinks he can fix the GOP's teabagger-primary problem with a bunch of money and few quick ads. And to a person, from their obstructionist Congressional second-in-command to their Medicare-cutting Governor from Louisiana, Republicans swear the only problem they have is their message — not their policy positions.

Today's GOP just doesn't want to do the hard stuff: networking, organizing and, most of all, listening to the people they want to reach. They just want to slap on a new label. How ironic, then, that Eric Cantor's hashtag for the "new" Republican Party is "#MakingLifeWork." They want everyone else to work. Just not them.

"Tagg," You're It?

By Zamboni

It appears that this little "'Tagg' Romney for Senate" boomlet may actually be real. Of course, that's after the cute naked guy and too-liberal-even-for-Massachusetts-Republicans former GOP Governor have both said they're not interested in running.

You remember "Tagg" — he of the tight, constipated Romney smile, he who threatened to punch out the President of the United States?

Well, we cats just can't let this one go without comment.

First, this could be America's opportunity to drive a final stake through the Romney heart. After all, what the heck have they won in their lives? George Romney was elected Michigan Governor, but lost his bid for President. Lenore Romney lost a race for Senate. Willard has only won ONE race, and has lost too many to count, including the gubernatorial re-elect in 2006 that he was too chicken to attempt. One more defeat and the nation has to ask: Who are these people and why do we care?

The Romney name is not loved in Massachusetts. Remember 2012? He lost to Obama by double digits. Maybe Bay Staters resent the fact that he repudiated that healthcare plan they enjoy so much.

Is Ann Romney pushing her oldest boy to avenge his father's loss? It kind of reminds us of Barbara Bush egging the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived to pay America back for 1992. And we all know how well that ended (September 11, Iraq, the economic crisis, etc.).

The right wing will go nuts. A "Tagg" candidacy will probably guarantee a right-versus-hard-right Senate primary. Which sounds like a good waste of a lot of Republican money and the disgorging of much GOP venom. Republicans worried about rebuilding the national brand must be reaching for the TUMS.

A former Navy SEAL is considering a run. It would be interesting to see a combat vet go up against a guy whose idea of military service is driving a minivan back and forth across Iowa in 2007.

Finally, if "Tagg" runs, he may awaken a sleeping giant. We cats were just going to toss a few bucks Ed Markey's way, but if Ed's opponent is a repulsive Romney thug, sign us up for a lot more. (Hmmm.... is that why CNN is suddenly reporting that a "Tagg" bid is "unlikely"? Stay tuned.)

UPDATE: Well, that was quick.

OMG, It's You!

As we bid farewell (for now) to one of America's greatest Secretaries of State, here's proof that even Hillary Rodham Clinton can be star-struck.

(PHOTO: Saul Loeb / AFP-Getty Images)

Richard Milhous LaPierre

By Miss Kubelik

Are you scratching your head, kicking yourself for not thinking of it before, and desperately wondering how you can get on the NRA's enemies' list?

After all you'd be in good company: the American Academy of Pediatrics, the American Jewish Congress and Anti-Defamation League, Common Cause, the Environmental Action Fund, the Gray Panthers, the ILGWU (of "Look for the union label" jingle fame), the National Council of La Raza, the Police Foundation, the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, the United States Catholic Conference, the YWCA, Lauren Bacall, Tony Bennett, k.d. lang, George Clooney, Julia Roberts, Sean Connery, Ethan Hawke, Spike Lee, Anne Rice, Leonard Nimoy, Patrick Stewart, Diane Keaton, Bette Midler, Sylvester Stallone (!), Robert Redford and Jerry Seinfeld — plus some large corporations, media conglomerates and even a few dead people — are all on it. Clearly, it's the NRA against the world.

Well, never fear. Here's all the information you need.

Write the NRA an e-mail here.

Send the NRA a snail-mail letter to: 11250 Waples Mill Road, Fairfax, VA 22030.

And if you're in a rush, here's a sample message:

"Dear NRA, Please, please, please can I get on your 'enemies' list'? Not only do I want my name next to Alec Baldwin's, Steve Buscemi's, Jodie Foster's and Garry Trudeau's (I'm at least as cool as they are), but it would be an honor to be hated by you. Thank you a million times for including me!"

(This is just a suggestion. We encourage you to have your own fun with it. For example, Kevin Bacon's on the list. Of course.)

In the meantime, we cats PURR.

Hagel Changes His Mind, Republicans Lose Theirs

By Sniffles

Gosh! Senator Roy Blunt (R-MO) has decided he can't support Chuck Hagel's nomination for Secretary of Defense because Hagel is "too inconsistent."

This, you may or may not recall, is the same Roy Blunt who heartily endorsed Willard Mitt Romney for President, and served as his Willard's top campaigner on Capitol Hill.

We cats are trying to understand the logic of this. See, Willard is kinda famous for his "inconsistency" on important issues. Here are just a few examples:

• Supported, then opposed, campaign finance reform.
• Believed in climate change, then wasn't sure.
• Was before FEMA before he was against it.
• Favored the stimulus in 2009, opposed it in 2012.
• Banned assault rifles, then joined the NRA.
• Liked giving a pathway to citizenship, then said that Arizona's immigration law was a "model for the nation."
• Said he opposed same-sex marriage, but refused to sign a Republican "pledge" against it.
• Supported a woman's right to choose, then — well, you know. And then there's that personhood thing. Eek!
• And finally, of course, having invented healthcare reform, he now hates it.

So, we all know why in 2008 John McCain called Willard "the candidate of change." What we don't get is why such, um, "inconsistency" was okay in Roy Blunt's book.