Cry-Baby Ken In 2014?

By Miss Kubelik 

Ooooh! We cats are so excited. Why didn't anyone tell us that Ken "Love the Unborn, Hate the Born" Cuccinelli is thinking of running for Mark Warner's U.S. Senate seat next year?

True to form, the Cootch has just given a whiny interview to The Washington Post, in which he speculated on 2014 and blamed everyone for his gubernatorial loss except himself. (This, on top of his peevish election-night concession speech and his continued refusal to call the Governor-elect and concede. Goodness gracious, these Republicans are such babies.)

But never mind. How can we contact Cootchy and ask him to please, please run? Although we don't understand how he thinks he has the time or the wherewithal to pull it off, we'd love to see Cuccinelli in a knock-down, drag-out at another one of the Virginia GOP's far-right party conventions. It'll be him, that nutcase hater known as E.W. Jackson, and of course, the failed attorney general candidate, Mark Obenshain. And whoever else crawls out of the teabagger woodwork.

We just have two questions: How does the Cootch, who is really bad at asking for money, hope to compete against a self-funder who is probably the most popular politician in the state? And will he bring Ted Cruz in to campaign for him? We cats PURR.

Heritage Foundation Hates Immigration, Can't Speak English

"Let me be blunt: I'm sick of hearing the biased news media and the politicians in Washington trying to tell Americans like you and I [sic] what we're supposed to think."

—Fundraising letter from Jim DeMint, hilariously mailed to us cats

Right-Wing Rumble In Roanoke

By Sniffles

Hmmm, that's funny. Whole days have gone by, and we haven't noticed the Virginia attorney general's race flipping again. The winner and still champion is Democrat Mark Herring, by a whisker — 164 votes.

Although we know the results won't be certified for another week or so — and that the far-right-winger-posing-as-a-moderate Mark Obenshain could still go whining to his GOP pals in Richmond — we cats are already looking forward to the next Republican debacle in 2014.

That's when Democratic U.S. Senator Mark Warner will be running for re-election. And guess what? Virginia Republicans haven't learned their lesson: They're still planning to nominate their Senate candidate at an extremist-packed party convention.

Goodness gracious. This is exactly the same tactic that in 2013 allowed the party to foist upon the Old Dominion the most off-the-wall slate of candidates ever. And we all know what happened because of that.

So, since Virginia Republicans refuse to rescue themselves from their never-ending death spiral, we can't wait to see next June's pitched battle in Roanoke between — drum roll — Mark Obenshain and E.W. Jackson. Such fun! We cats PURR.

JFK 50: Part 6

"If anything happens to me, I have this knowledge that if I had lived to be a hundred, I could only have improved the quantity of my life, not the quality."

—Letter to Inga Arvad, September 1943

A Charter of No Value

By Baxter

Barely two and a half years ago, we cats opined on the then-new French law banning the Muslim niqab. Our take: Personally, we're not big on religious attire, but once you start calling one silly outfit out of bounds, where do you stop?

Now, we're sorry to say, the Parti Quebecois is going down the same road, seeking to forbid not only the hijab among public-sector workers in Quebec but the wearing of all "conspicuous" religious symbols. This, from a provincial government whose National Assembly (above) features a big honkin' crucifix on the wall.

Hilarious — except, not. Like the teabaggers in the US screaming about sharia law, the PQ has decided to attack a problem that does not exist. And already some prominent Quebec-based employers — such as the Jewish General Hospital in Montreal — have publicly declared that they will ignore the ban. (What will Premier Pauline Maurois do? Send in the gendarmes?)

As part-time Quebeckers, we cats find this whole thing very sad. While the PQ and its separatist allies cling to the past, Quebec and Canada are striding confidently into the future. Meaning that they're welcoming new Canadians from all around the world. A truly diverse and exciting society is being built in Montreal, but the ostriches in the rest of the province have yet to catch up.

We would only remind PQers of the words of Roch Carrier, author of The Hockey Sweater, a Canadian classic: "I was in a park recently and saw a Muslim couple," he said. "Her face was hidden by a scarf, and they were walking side by side, and in front of them was a child, I'd say, seven years old, wearing a Canadiens sweater."

And that, mesdames et messieurs, is Quebec's true religion. We cats PURR.

Cat Fight! Sarah Palin vs. Pope Francis

By Zamboni

We cats never thought we'd rush to defend a Pope, but when the famous quitter from Alaska is involved, you never know what will happen.

Referring to Francis, she recently babbled, "He's had some statements that to me sound kind of liberal, has [sic] taken me aback, has [sic] kind of surprised me."

Unbelievable. Never mind the faulty subject-verb agreement — what right does Sarah Palin have to criticize this guy? Is she Catholic? Is she a thought leader? Is she anyone of consequence at all?

If Palin wants to judge a Pope, she can slam Benedict — the guy who quit. Otherwise, as in myriad other areas of life, she's just not qualified. We cat HISS.

JFK 50, Part 5

"I think this is the most extraordinary collection of talent, of human knowledge, that has ever been gathered together at the White House, with the possible exception of when Thomas Jefferson dined alone."

—Remarks at the dinner honoring Nobel Prize winners, 1962

Happy 65th, Your Royal Highness

By Miss Kubelik

Okay, so Prince Charles turned 65 today. Barely anybody noticed, save for those Dianafans/Charleshaters who are taking the occasion to propose that Queen Elizabeth II abdicate in favor of Prince William — which will never happen.

We cats have an odd sympathy for Charles. Sure, he's been hamfisted in the past, but we can't help but think he would have handled things better had Uncle Dickie been alive to guide him.

Plus, we predict that when Charles eventually does succeed to the throne, the media and the bloviators and the opinion makers will say, Give the chap some room, everyone.

And you know what? Better to turn 65 in the comfortable circumstances of a happy second marriage than to have died in a Paris tunnel with a fly-by-night suitor whose chauffeur was drunk. Just sayin'.

This Ford's An Edsel

By Sniffles

We cats have been trying to decide what, if anything, to say about that buffoon up in Toronto, Rob Ford.

It's been tough. His behavior has been so outrageous that any comments from us would automatically seem superfluous. But we think it's reached a point at which we simply have to weigh in.

To say, in short, the following: Why is this repulsive individual even Mayor of Toronto in the first place? Who among the 2.5 million gentle souls who inhabit Canada's most deeply boring city looked at this guy and said, "Yeah, that's who I want running things"?

Did Hogtown think they had to mix things up a bit by voting in a fat, inebriated, crack-smoking misanthrope? Did they hope that Ford's colorful antics would not extend beyond incorrect grammar? (We hate to tell you, Mr. Mayor, but "I have drank alcohol in excess" is not proper verb construction.)

And then the answer dawned: Tory Rob Ford was elected after years of Liberal governance by focusing on budget issues and saying contrary stuff like, "We just need to get rid of these lifelong politicians that [sic] just give out money to special interest groups and don't serve the community." Remind you of anybody? It's a consolation that we who live south of the 49th parallel are not the only ones suffering from right-wing characters who embarrass us.

And then we wondered: Why are guys like this always Conservatives? Is there something in the Tory/Republican playbook that demands immature, over-the-top behavior?

Again, the answer was easy — at least, as far as the Canadians are concerned. Rob Ford exists to make Peter MacKay look smart, and Stephen Harper look svelte. We're not sure, though, that we can explain Ted Cruz, Steve King, Raul Labrador, Joe Wilson, Michele Bachmann, Louis Gohmert, Rand Paul and Sarah Palin.

Pushback

By Baxter

One thing that we lefties don't do as well as the goons on the right — and that we cats wish we were better at — is beat the drums relentlessly for stuff we believe in. Why is that? It must be because as clear-thinking, rational individuals, we're certain that the truth, or reasonableness, will win out in the end.

Don't bet on it! With the teabaggers on the scene, truth and reasonableness go right out the window. The teabags scream about people not being able to enroll in a program they want to kill, and care less about the 3,000 victims of a September 11 that took place when the Bush-Cheneys were in charge than they do about the four victims of a September 11 presided over by Barack Obama.

So we liberals and Democrats should all be out there pushing back, and pushing hard. On the ACA enrollment problems, for example, we should be boldly saying, big woo. More than 100,000 people are getting health coverage they couldn't have gotten before — and there will be more. And the folks who will need to get different coverage than what they've got now will get better, cheaper coverage. (And oh yes, in the words of Bill Clinton, the website will get fixed.)

On the Benghazi thing, why is FOX "News" completely ignoring CBS's retraction of their "60 Minutes" report? We should not only be howling about that (Media Matters can't do it all by themselves), we should be telling the managers of every restaurant, bar or health club with FOX on its TV to change the channel or else.

Happily, all is not quite lost in the pushback wars. After nearly three years of Republican assaults on abortion rights in the states, Democrats in Congress are finally stepping up with the Women's Health Protection Act of 2013. And (sigh, wring hands) it's going to be a heavy lift in the House. Who cares? Put those Republicans on the spot — make them take a stand (or basically declare their hostility to women by not even bringing it up for a vote).

Good things happen when we do stuff like that. Which makes us cats PURR.