Is The Other Stiletto Heel About To Drop?

By Sniffles

Remember that scene in All the President's Men where the Nixon spokesperson pre-emptively denies that the White House had anything to do with the Watergate break-in? To Woodward and Bernstein (or rather, Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman), that was an intriguing tell.

The same kind of thing happened today. Moose & Squirrel made a speech in which she gratuitously brought up Jeffrey Epstein and declared, "I never been friends with Epstein." (Yes, that's a real quote from a woman who allegedly got an Einstein visa to enter the US and who is supposed to be fluent in multiple languages. PS: She also doesn't know how to say the word "trivial.")

Everyone is mystified. Why now? Tweeters and skeeters used to joke that the Iran war was launched as a distraction from Epstein. Was Epstein now being used as a distraction from the Iran war?

That wouldn't be surprising, since the consensus is that Benedict Donald got seriously rolled by the Iranians after he threatened to blow them up. He TACOed, of course — but it's no laughing matter. Here's how Obama deputy national security adviser Ben Rhodes sums it up:

"In the best-case scenario, Trump struck a deal to reopen a Strait that was open before the pointless war he started, with the IRGC demonstrating its control over the Strait and potentially extracting fees plus sanctions relief. Thousands of innocents —including hundreds of children — dead in Lebanon and Iran for no reason. US troops killed and wounded. US embassies and bases in the Middle East badly damaged. US standing in the world obliterated. US munitions badly depleted.

"Hundreds of billions spent. Prices up everywhere. More global economic fallout to come. Putin strengthened and enriched. Just a catastrophic situation even in the best of circumstances. A profoundly shameful episode in American history no matter what happens next."

The other prevailing theory about Moose & Squirrel is that something is about to explode from the Epstein files, and she was trying to get ahead of it. People, some of them goofballs, speculated if Russia, Iran, or Israel were involved. But we cats have another theory.

Maybe it's Denmark. After all, Trump has started bleating about Greenland again. Wouldn't that be delicious? We cats PURR.

Some Preliminary Scratched-Out Thoughts

By Baxter

Okay, it's Friday of the Week from Hell, and we have one thing to say to our fellow Democrats: No finger-pointing allowed. Kamala Harris ran a flawless campaign. And no, Joe Biden wouldn't have won. Stop that malarkey* right now, because we're going to have to save our energy for what's to come.

In the meantime, though, we will point fingers at our Twitter friends who are asking how it was possible that Harris got "less votes" or "a lower amount of votes" than Biden did in 2020. You mean "fewer" and "number," folks. Just because the world is going to end soon doesn't mean we have to squelch our inner curmudgeon. We cats HISS.

*This goes double and triple for the repugnant cable-TV talking heads — but then, we're not watching them, are we?

Tidbits And Cat Treats: You'll Only Hear It Here Edition

By Sniffles

Night Three of the Democratic National Convention was another great event. We cats probably can't add anything insightful to what's already been said and celebrated, so we've decided to put our curmudgeon caps on instead. Please indulge us.

We love Tim Walz, and are ecstatic that Vice President Harris picked him. But Tim, make this note: When you talk about IVF, you want to say, "This is personal for Gwen and me." You also want to say, "It took Gwen and me years" to conceive their children. (Gwen, you're an English teacher. You tell him.)*

(*For the record, former President Obama is guilty of this, too. We've never heard it from Bill or Hillary Clinton.)

When it comes to wanting to send Benedict Donald into the dustbin of history, we cats are at the front of the line. But can we all please stop using that phrase? "Dustbin" is a British idiom. Have you ever heard an American say it? Yanks say garbage can. Trash can. You know, where Donald Trump belongs.

Stephanie Ruhle needs to learn the difference between "number" and "amount." (Just another reason to skip watching MSNBC.)

Finally, worth repeating: As we've mentioned before, one of our favorite grammarians and punctuation experts, Benjamin Dreyer, has laid down the law on the possessive versions of Harris and Walz. It's apostrophe-s: Harris's and Walz's. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Convention Eve Edition

By Baxter

Well, team, the Democratic Convention is almost here. How interesting that the talking heads seem to be walking back their previous dire forecasts that Chicago 2024 would be more like Chicago 1968. Humph! We were in Chicago in 1968, and those pundits — who probably weren't even born yet — have no idea what they're talking about. (Handy reminder that Democrats also convened in Chicago in 1996.)

Here are a few convention-eve observations as we stock up on Doritos and get ready for our watch parties:

Vice President Harris and Governor Walz toured western Pennsylvania today using these nifty wheels (above). Tweeps were oohing and aahing. Gosh! This campaign is so exciting, we're even gushing over the buses!

Puzzled about possessives? A lot of journalists we follow appear to be struggling with apostrophes and s's when it comes to our 2024 nominees. It's easy-peasy, folks: apostrophe-s in both cases. "Harris's surging poll numbers." "Walz's likability." You don't even have to think about it.

Rumor has it that Benedict Donald will speak from behind bulletproof glass at future outdoor rallies. Guess that means we have a gun problem in America. Will any reporter ask him about that?

Finally. after a successful golf cart parade a few weeks ago, The Villages in Florida turned out big today for a Harris-Walz grass-roots organizing event. This, maybe more than anything, should be a sign to Team Trump that they're in big trouble. We're not saying Florida's going blue (although with abortion and weed on the ballot, there could be a chance), but elections are won and lost on the margins. We cats like our odds these days, and we PURR.

Baths

By Sniffles

So the great Benedict Donald Bloodbath Brouhaha continues into its second day — third, if you count Saturday, when he made that awful speech in Dayton, Ohio. Jeez, Trumpsters are ruining baths now. Is nothing sacred?

As Casey Stengel would say, you could look it up — so we did. First, members of the media and the Twitterverse should learn that "bloodbath" is one word. Second, its principal definition is "a great slaughter." The definition "a major economic disaster" comes in third, usually with "market" preceding it. Nevertheless, Republicans and MAGAts are desperately trying to spin Trump's bloodbath remark as a reference to the auto industry, which, we shouldn't forget, Trump neglected during his term with a lot of empty promises.

They think this is going to fly because of Trump's habit of speaking like a mob boss (never quite explicitly saying what he means, but leaving it open for his loyal gangsters to interpret and carry out). But thanks to his obvious cognitive deterioration, Trump is no longer verbally adept enough to pull this off. His mind flits around like it never did before. Which means that his lack of specificity allows people to interpret it any way they want. (As did the Morning Schmoes, for example.)

And since Trump saluted the insurrectionists at the beginning of his show — even playing some January 6th bastardization of the national anthem — how does he deserve any benefit of the doubt? We cats HISS.

English Lesson

 

By Sniffles

Here is Representative Jamie Raskin's response to Liar, Cheat and Fraud George Santos, who sent this egregious note to every member who voted against expelling him from Congress.

In addition to his spelling and grammar corrections, Raskin added:

"I appreciate your note and only wish someone had proofread it first.

"Meantime, you should apologize to the people of New York for all of your lies and deceit. I know you must have thought you could get away with it all in the party of Trump, but the truth is resilient.

"P.S. It's not shameful to resign."

We cats are climbing up into Congressman Raskin's lap and making biscuits. And PURRING like crazy.

Nobody Said They Were Smart

 

PS: Internal polling is showing this Trumpy idiot in a statistical dead heat with her Democratic challenger, Adam Frisch. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Survival Of Democracy Edition

By Zamboni

Ah, Friday night! We can all relax — except for those humans who have to work tomorrow, and for cats, who never work. But it's the end of a busy week, so we have some thoughts. Here they are.

Right wingers up in Canada are bitching about a snap election that cost $600 million to produce similar results to the election in 2019. First, if Erin O'Toole and the Conservatives had won, they wouldn't be saying a word. Second, do you know how much the Cyber Ninjas' "audit" of Arizona cost? And how many more Republican-controlled states are rushing to uselessly spend money doing the same? Please.

We don't know about you, but we love waking up to headlines that Trump lost...again. How many times is it now — 78? We've lost count.

We would comment on Marjorie Taylor Greene's latest shenanigans, except she's been removed from all committees and marginalized, so we're not going to give oxygen to her otherwise. If you love her so much, you can look her up on the Google machine.

By the way, on the subject of self-determination, it's worth noting that the Quebec National Assembly — which styles itself as a "national assembly" even though it's the legislature of a Canadian provincial government, and which has traditionally gone against the status quo for that very reason — has just unanimously passed a bill outlawing anti-COVID-vaccine demonstrations within 50 meters of a hospital, school, or healthcare or vaccination clinic. So there.

Finally, why can nobody on the other side in the US (the other side being anti-democracy, un-American autocrats) spell? Lauren Boebert tweeted today that she wanted to "imeach" Biden. Gee, nobody proofreads any more, do they? We cats HISS.

Will Democracy Survive? Will Grammar?

A quick note for our friends on cable TV news: Clothing is hung. People — even Mike Pence — are hanged. Unless, of course, the Trump insurrectionists fail, and he escapes with his life. We cats HISS.

Republicans Are So Bad At This

By Miss Kubelik

We cats hope that John Lewis lies in state in the Capitol Rotunda, and that some sort of funeral (with masks and social distancing) can be held. If it is, we hope that Joe Biden beams in by video, because we want him to stay healthy.

Meanwhile, tributes to John Lewis are pouring in from Americans who knew, loved, admired, respected and cherished him. Oh, and from Republicans, too. They're not doing very well.

Baby Marco Rubio tweeted this photo of himself with... the late Maryland Congressman Elijah Cummings.

Benedict Donald couldn't wait to head out to the golf course, so he said nothing personally. But later, some obviously-home-schooled White House flunky tweeted on Trump's behalf that "Melania and I send our prayers to he and his family." GACK!

Acting DHS Secretary Chad Wolf tweeted that because of Lewis, "America is a more just place" — hours after, indulging his inner Pinochet, he sent anonymous storm troopers into Portland, Oregon, to disappear protesters.

Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, a former member of Congress, was asked to comment on Lewis at a coronavirus press conference today. After much head-tilting and fidgeting, DeSantis replied, "Do you have a question about the topic at hand?"

Despicable. But at least DeSantis hasn't had the bill to restore the Voting Rights Act sitting on his desk for 225 days — like Mitch McConnell, who shamelessly put out a Lewis statement anyway.

Simple human decency: a bridge too far for Republicans. We cats HISS.

Service To Posterity

Since the Trumpsters have been completely ignoring the Presidential Records Act, we cats are doing our bit and reproducing this tweet that Benedict Donald apparently deleted.

Oh, and it's "Biden," of course. We cats HISS.

Let's Root Out Homophobia (And Bad Passive Tense)

By Zamboni

Tom Hurd and Dylan Toften, a gay couple in Root, New York, will receive a $25,000 settlement after their town clerk denied them a marriage license in 2018 (2018!). The clerk also publicly apologized at this week's town board meeting.

But before you start popping the champagne, check out what she said:

"On July 30 of last year, there was an unfortunate incident involving Mr. Thomas Hurd and Mr. Dylan Toften, who came to my office seeking a marriage license."

"There was an unfortunate incident"? WHUT? How about something more accurate and responsibility-taking, like "I broke the law by refusing to issue Mssrs. Hurd and Toften a marriage license"? Jeez. So Reaganesque, so "mistakes were made."

It would be nice if this grammatically challenged clerk lost her job. We're also wondering why the town of Root "will amend its policies to permit [gay] marriages." "Will"? Hello! The Supreme Court's decision in Obergefell v. Hodges was nearly four years ago. What the heck is the town of Root waiting for? We cats HISS.

A New Low

By Baxter

Did you know that Honduras, Guatemala and El Salvador were Mexican countries? Neither did we.

We also don't know what "Mexican countries" are. There is only Mexico. Of course, there's Mexican food, and Mexican music, and Mexican artists. And the Mexico attraction at Epcot. But Mexican countries? Hm.

We cats have often found ourselves disgusted at the chyrons we see on cable news — usually because of misspellings and other grammatical goofs. But this is a new one. Not only is it stupid on its face, it feeds the foolish bigotry of your typical FOX viewer.

Sigh. Remember the good old days, when we joked about the sitting Vice President saying he wished he'd studied Latin before going to Latin America? How innocent we all were. Today we are drowning in ignorance and hate, and FOX "News" is a big reason why. We cats HISS.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Fake Emergency, Day 3

By Zamboni

We cats are busy digging our bomb shelter and stocking up on MREs for the emergency, but we have a few quick observations on the day:

We're so proud that our state, New York, is among the 16 that are suing Benedict Donald over his phony declaration. Even prouder that our former state, the Commonwealth of Virginia, is suing, too. Don't ever think that it doesn't matter who your state Attorney General is.

Were we the only ones who noticed the artful use of the passive tense in the first sentence of Roger Stone's apology to Judge Amy Berman Jackson? While he may realize that threatening the judge could get him hauled off to the hoosegow, his weenie "should not have been posted" mea culpa was no mea culpa at all. Haul him off and gag him, Judge.

Finally, we did not watch Andrew McCabe's "60 Minutes" interview, but we understand that Scott Pelley asked McCabe how he felt about Trump calling his wife a loser. Here's what McCabe should have said:

"Well, Scott, it was painful. But the pain I felt is, I'm sure, nothing compared to the pain the First Lady feels hundreds of times every day, when the subject of her husband's serial adultery and serial payoffs to mistresses comes up for public discussion — and when 'Mar-A-Lardass' trends on Twitter." We cats PURR.

ER Time

By Baxter

What's worse than having Donald Trump declare a fake national emergency? Looking at Twitter and seeing "Democrat President" trending. Repeat after us: DEMOCRAT IS A NOUN, NOT AN ADJECTIVE.

But never mind — this is no time to get all worked up over Republican hate speech creeping into the language. Not when Trump and the GOP are setting a dangerous precedent on national emergencies. (A lot of folks in the GOP agree with that, by the way.)

Just think, as all those tweeps are speculating, about what the next Democrat in the Oval Office could do. President Kamala Harris, no doubt, would immediately declare an emergency on climate change. (And she'd be right.) And on this one-year anniversary of the Parkland school massacre, gun violence is another obvious crisis.

By why stop there? Here are a few more emergencies we cats would like to see declared:

Women's reproductive freedoms are in grave danger. Roe is hanging by a thread, and there's — what? — one abortion clinic in all of Mississippi?

A BBC cameraman was attacked at the Trump hatefest in El Paso and everybody's treating it like business as usual.

Measles is back. Thanks, stupid anti-vaxxers.

Worst of all, millions of cats and kittens are looking for furr-ever homes. Most don't make it. We cats know how lucky we are, and we PURR.

The Fall Of The House Of Ryan

 

By Baxter

What a joyful day it was on Capitol Hill. (And how long has it been since we've been able to say that?) Not only did the House of Representatives start looking like America again, but over in the Senate, cracks started appearing in Benedict Donald's wall.

Our only quibble: Those blue buttons that Democratic House members were wearing in support of Nancy Pelosi were slightly misspelled. Correctly, it would be "Madam Speaker." (Not "Madame.") Otherwise, no complaints. We cats PURR.

P.S. Yes, we know that Kyrsten Sinema is a Senator and not a House member. But her powerful presence made Mike Pence so visibly uncomfortable that we just had to include her. Love the fact, too, that she got sworn in on a law book, not a Bible. We cats PURR again.

The Difference Between "Tyranny" And "Terror"

By Sniffles

Today we cats were very grateful that on September 11, we didn't have a loved one on United 93. Not just for the obvious reasons, but because we think a double-fist-pump is probably inappropriate when one arrives for a memorial honoring that doomed flight's valiant dead.

So yes, people are commenting on ths a lot. Also on Benedict Donald's first tweet of the day, which wasn't about the terrorist attacks or the nearly 3,000 people who died — it was about himself, and how victim-y he's feeling about the investigations swirling around him.

People are also sharing the audio of Trump's tasteless observation on TV 17 years ago that — with the destruction of the Twin Towers — he now had the tallest building in Lower Manhattan.

Awful behavior all around. But our attention today was grabbed by something else: Trump's claim in his oddly (for him) subdued speech that the US would "never, ever submit to tyranny."

That line sent us to the good folks at Merriam-Webster. A tyranny, they tell us, is an oppressive power, especially when exerted by a government. It is also a government in which absolute power is vested in a single ruler.

While we don't doubt that it exerted a form of tyranny over the minds of its highjackers, and that Osama bin Laden* was its unquestioned leader, al-Qaeda was not a government. It was and is a terrorist organization. So we must take issue with Trump's use of "tyranny," even though we know he was just parroting Republican talking points and is too stupid and lazy to ever look it up.

One more thing: A "tyranny" sounds like Vladimir Putin's Russia to us. So we'd say that our nation has, under Trump, definitely already submitted. We cats HISS.

*Finally brought to justice by President Obama. Just sayin'.

Somebody In Pennsylvania, Please Track Down This License Plate

By Miss Kubelik

We cats usually shy away from spreading the haters' propaganda, but this one is so bad — and the license plate is so clearly visible — that we just had to share.

Aside from our hope that this driver gets some sort of ticket — for driving around with unsecured cargo in his flatbed, maybe? — we take solace in our belief that his days of bold racism are desperate and numbered. (And what's with the multiple exclamation marks after "Stand"? Why do these Trumpsters and right wingers never write correct English?) We cats HISS.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: People Being Stupid Edition

By Baxter

Did you know that according to the AP, John McCain's caisson made its way yesterday to the Senator's Annapolis "burial sight"? Neither did we. It's just one of the many examples of human stupidity we've run across recently. Here, for your Labor Day non-enjoyment, are more.

Trump idiot Sam Nunberg is mad that Jared and Ivanka got bad seats at McCain's Washington service this weekend. "I find it contemptible that the McCain family couldn't seat them in a better, more respectable section," he bleated. "More respectable"? WHUT? It's the National Cathedral. Are there non-respectable places to sit in church?

We also wonder why Jared and Ivanka, Orthodox Jews that they are, were able to attend a Christian service on a Saturday and ride in a car to get there. (We assume Joe Lieberman had dispensation from his rabbi, since he didn't ask Al Gore to deliver his eulogy for him.)

As for the Republican hypocrites on the Hill, this column says it all.

White supremacists have wasted no time fielding racist robocalls against Florida Democratic gubernatorial nominee Andrew Gillum. We're not exactly surprised, but — they've resorted to minstrelsy? Oh, please. Does anyone under the age of 80 even know what that is?

Finally, thanks, anti-vaxxers: Cases of the measles just broke a decade's-old record in Florida. We don't know anything quite as stupid as gullible parents who eat up anti-government talking points based on a long-discredited study. This is what happens when right wingers, especially those led by a corrupt former healthcare executive, run things. It's Republican "pro-life" in action. We cats HISS.

Heather Deserves Better

By Zamboni

We cats are pretty fed up with the language people are using about the death of Heather Heyer in Charlottesville, Virginia, last year. The passive tense is disturbing — and yes, we're talking about "both sides."

Here's NPR on the subject: "One year ago, a car rammed into counter-protesters during a violent white nationalist rally..."

Correction, NPR: A white supremacist drove that car into the crowd. The car didn't drive itself.

And here's Donald Drumpf tweet-farting this morning in his usual idiotic way: "The riots in Charlottesville a year ago resulted in senseless death and division."

Nope, Benedict Donald. Charlottesville didn't "result" in Heather Heyer's death. Her death "resulted" because a neo-Nazi took deliberate aim at her. We cats call that murder, and we HISS.