Norm Coleman Doesn't Know What Day It Is

By Baxter

We cats have seen some pretty desperate spin over the course of our nine lives, but the Coleman take on today's court ruling against him is lame, lame, lame.

A Minnesota three-judge panel ruled that 400 absentee ballots be turned over to the Secretary of State’s Office to be counted by April 7. The Coleman forces wanted many more ballots to be considered, and to make matters worse, the 400 are from areas favoring Al Franken.

Faced with this latest blow, Coleman attorney Ben Ginsberg said the ruling was an "April Fool's Day order." Except — today isn't April Fool's Day.

Oops, sorry, Politico. Ginsberg actually called it an "almost April Fool's Day order." Sheesh. What a stretch.

We cats call on Norm Coleman to get a new calendar, realize how many months it's been since Election Day, and do what he wanted Al Franken to do on November 5: Throw in the towel so that the people of Minnesota can have two Senators again.

And we call on Harry Reid to look at his calendar and decide to seat Al Franken very soon. Like, sometime before Christmas.

Give Terri a Rest

By Sniffles

So the Schindler family just can't let poor Terri Schiavo rest in peace. And they won't give us any peace, either.

Like the tacky relatives we try to ignore at family reunions, the Schindlers just won't go away. Now they've convinced a Catholic front called "Ave Maria University" to hold a "national mass for Terri's Day." (That would be today.)

Terri's grasping, publicity-hungry brother, Bobby Schindler, convinced AMU founder Thomas Monaghan to hold the event. "It's a prestigious university," Schindler said. (Yeah, right. It's been in existence all of two years.) "Mr. Monaghan is a leader in the pro-life movement and has been very supportive of us," he added.

Mr. Monaghan also is the founder of an equally "prestigious" institution, Domino's Pizza. We cats haven't ordered Domino's for decades, and now you know why.

Well, have at it, guys. Knock yourselves out. Somehow, though, we think that no one at that mass today is going to mention the obvious: That Terri Schiavo's autopsy showed she'd suffered severe and irreversible brain damage. But then again, religious fanatics always ignore the facts. It's so much easier that way.

(Photo: Chris O'Meara / AP)

*Yawn*

Oh, God, the Freepers were boring today.

Lawton Chiles is Spinning in His Grave, and That's Probably Okay

By Zamboni

So Governor Tim Kaine of Virginia has signed legislation creating a "Choose Life" specialty license plate in that state. And abortion rights supporters are furious.

To which we cats say two things.

"Choose Life" license plates are stupid. And, big woo.

We feel we know whereof we speak, because we've spent a lot of time in Florida. Once, there was a governor in the Sunshine State named Lawton Chiles. He was an old-time cracker Democrat who was not exactly a poster boy for the choice movement. But when it came to the "Choose Life" plate, Lawton Got It. Every time it was passed by the increasingly Republican state legislature, he vetoed it. If our memories are correct, he vetoed it a couple of times.

Then, of course, Lawton dropped dead of a heart attack as he was exercising in his private gym. And Jeb Bush was elected Governor the next time, and "Choose Life" plates are now available in Florida. (By the way, as you can see, they're really, really ugly. Serves 'em right.)

But you know what? Abortion is still legal. And we've just been through the worst eight years of our lives. If the procedure has survived those eight years — and if President Obama gets a couple of Supreme Court nominations — it'll survive without government interference for many more years to come.

So let the anti-choicers have their stupid symbolic plates. We'll take the right to choose, thanks.

And as for Tim Kaine, we say, confusion to the enemy!

FOX "News" Hates the Troops

By Baxter

We cats enjoy the Canadian War Museum. It has a permanent exhibit devoted to peacekeeping — the country's primary military effort since the Second World War. There's no Vietnam, no Iraq. It's refreshing. (It's also nice that they allow cats in.)

Of course, there's one permanent exhibit that they'll eventually have to add: Afghanistan. That's because Canada has been fighting there, with little thanks or recognition from us, since 2001.

Today, though, Canada is a restless and conflicted about that commitment. The good news? President Obama's newly announced goals in Afghanistan mesh well with Canadian sentiment — to get the hell out, but not until 2011.

The bad news? Americans have managed to insult Canada and its Afghan war contributions once again. Specifically, an American nonentity named Greg Gutfield, who has a wee-small-hours-of-the-morning show called "Red Eye" on FOX "News." In a recent broadcast, Gutfield mocked Canada's desired 2011 pullout; in response, one of his panelists said, "I didn't even know they were in the war. I thought that's where you go when you don't want to fight. Go chill in Canada."

We cats are amazed, even after eight years of George W. Bush, that we still have the capacity to shock. But these remarks shocked us. We thought all right wingers — particularly those on FOX — considered war, and the people who wage it, sacrosanct. But perhaps we should have anticipated this. After all, Bush took his eye off Afghanistan and invaded Iraq to avenge his daddy's failure. Why not, therefore, diss Canada, even though it's lost proportionately more soldiers there than any other ally?

Disgusting. We HISS and GROWL at these FOX idiots. And when the Canadian War Museum finally opens its permanent Afghanistan exhibit, we hope they devote a room to miscreants and assholes. They could call it the Greg Gutfield Exposition Hall.

Less Than an Hour to Earth Hour

By Sniffles

It's almost time to turn out the lights — to show our support for the fight against climate change.

We're doing this because:

• We love Ed Norton (and President Gore);
• The right wingers over at Free Republic think it's a crock;
• Cats see very well in the dark; and
• We all need to prevent global warming.

We cats know we won't be taking up space on this planet forever. But we still care what happens to it after we're gone. Ready, set, go!

Just One Reason He's the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived (There Are Many)

By Zamboni

Seven and a half years on, it's infuriating to see the following headline on the home page of The Washington Post:

"Obama Unveils Plan to Defeat Taliban, al Qaeda."

No, we're not mad at President Obama. It just strikes us that this should have been taken care of a long, long time ago. By somebody named Bush.

You remember him: He was President when America was attacked on September 11, 2001. In fact, just about a month before, when given a Presidential Daily Brief entitled "Bin Laden Determined to Attack Within U.S.," he said to the aide presenting it, "All right, you've covered your ass now." Then he went fishing.

For some reason that we cats will never understand, Bush has always received a pass on this. But if his cavalier attitude toward September 11 beforehand, and his cynical exploitation of it afterward, weren't egregious enough, turning his back on Afghanistan to promote a manufactured invasion of Iraq was even worse.

Remember "smoke 'em out"? Ha. Nearly 3,000 people died on September 11, and the U.S. has lost 4,177 soldiers in Iraq. We wonder how their relatives feel when they recall that Osama bin Laden is still alive and at large.

So now, all these years later, it's President Obama who has to finish the job. Let's hope history doesn't cover George W. Bush's ass on this one.

Cat Fight! Bunning Goes After McConnell

By Baxter

Oooh! If you live in Kentucky, make sure you don't invite both of your Senators to the same party. They'd scratch each other's eyes out.

Cranky old nutcase Jim Bunning is blaming his lackluster fundraising on fellow Kentuckian Mitch McConnell. (Oh, and also on John Cornyn from Texas.) "When they recruit someone to run against you in a primary, it puts doubt in people's minds that you are going to finish the race," the highly endangered Senator Bunning groused.

McConnell and Cornyn have denied recruiting candidates, despite the fact that Kentucky's Senate president has met with the National Republican Senatorial Committee, which Cornyn chairs. Rowr! Those boys play dirty, don't they?

Goodness gracious. With "friends" like this, Jim Bunning might want to start saying a few prayers. Maybe Sarah Palin is available to join him. (Just make sure there aren't any McCain campaign staffers in the room.)

Memo to Michael: The Freepers Are Just Not That Into You

By Sniffles

We cats have refrained from saying much about Michael Steele's recent re-emergence — although we were mighty tempted by his failure to show at the GOP-Bobby Jindal gig the other night.

However, now that the madcap right-wingers at Free Republic have weighed in on his latest antics, we simply have to share.

The failed Maryland Senate candidate and Rush Limbaugh boot-licker has told CNN that he'd "consider" running for President. This comment, and Steele's claim that his Limbaugh dust-up was all part of a cunning plan, has made the Freepers go wild.

As usual, their reactions to such patent silliness are miles better than anything we liberal cats could add. So allow us to get out of the way and Let The Rage Begin.

"Not only NO, but HELL NO!"

"What a charade. He should be so good and step down. It’s embarrassing."

"Is this guy for real? What a bufoon [sic]."

"This idiot needs to be booted out of the RNC leadership NOW."

"So, the Chair of the RNC thinks Rush is the enemy?"

"I wish Rush would get some conservative celebrities together and just start a new party, frankly. The GOP is moribund."

"What are the rules for a recall? We need to take immediate action before Steele totally screws the 2010 elections."

"Steele is nuts. Totally nuts, just like his fellow RINO, McCain."

Wow, tough crowd. But hang in there, Michael Steele! From our perspective, your cunning plan is working just fine.

Yes, Got Milk

By Zamboni (again)

This is either a picture of a clouded leopard cub, or... according to Republican Senator Charles Grassley... an AIG bonus baby.

No, wait. It's feeding from a bottle, not "sucking the tit of the taxpayer." So we guess it's a clouded leopard.

And so much cuter than your average derivatives trader!

(Photo: www.cloudedleopard.org)

I Can't Look.... Can't Look...

By Zamboni

It's okay, cute little clouded leopard cub, you can relax now. Two more of your fellow endangered leopards were born safe and sound at the National Zoo's Conservation & Research Center.

But perhaps the little guy in this picture is reacting to the fact that after a blessed period of silence — which we've all mightily enjoyed — Michael Steele is back on T.V. Eeek!

(Photo: www.cloudedleopard.org)

Media = One Big Horse's Behind

By Baxter

Worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, and they're breathlessly discussing... the President's laugh.

We're so not amused by this tomfoolery that we refuse to even link to the clowns who started it. We'll send you to Media Matters instead.

We thought it was time to put aside childish things. Guess that's impossible in what passes for journalism today.

UPDATE: We cats missed last night's press conference due to a previously scheduled engagement. But having read the coverage today, we're not changing our equestrian description one bit. In fact, we're doubling down on it. These Washington journalists just don't get President Obama, and he obviously prefers it that way. After all, 40 million people watched last night, which means an awful lot of folks got to see a bunch of White House reporters make fools of themselves.

Anger Management

By Sniffles

So a wave of populism is sweeping over the country in response to the AIG bonus scandal.

We cats don't disagree (although we think that the "Lifestyles of the Rich and Infamous" tour of AIG executives' Connecticut homes was a bad idea). Americans should be angry about the mess that the Bush Administration left the country in. They certainly didn't get angry enough about other things — wars of choice, torture, spying on Americans, ignoring the August 6, 2001 Presidential Daily Brief, etc.

But we digress. Rage at AIG is a good thing. We cats, for example, would love to GROWL, HISS and slash deep, painful scratches into the fleshy, hard-to-heal parts of those greedy executives' forearms. It's just that we're a little weary of it all, because we were never ones to adore captains of industry in the first place. We've always expected them to be avaricious, self-absorbed and, oh, yeah, Republican.

So despite all the fawning coverage from the media, businessmen were never included in our most-admired list. However, we understand that others felt differently — and now, we suspect, part of people's anger is probably based not only on vexation with the misuse of taxpayer dollars but also on the deep-seated disappointment that only groupies can feel.

Therefore, we have a suggestion for every corporate-giant admirer who's feeling a tad let down. Try seeking out better role models.

Ours? Morris Dees (above), one of the founders of the Southern Poverty Law Center. Sure, he's personally wealthy, but that's not why we esteem him. It's because every day, he puts his life on the line for something that really matters.

Try it sometime. You'll feel better.

"Happy" Anniversary: Worst Foreign Policy Mistake in the History of the United States

Six years on, and trillions of dollars and more than 4,000 U.S. soldiers' lives later, we'd still like to know what "mission" has been "accomplished."

Somehow we doubt that Bush's "book" will answer that question. But in the meantime, we PURR at Suze Orman. Boy, is she right!

Republicans Support Biggest Honkin' Tax Ever

By Zamboni

Okay, the bill is probably unconstitutional, but it sure was fun to see 85 House Republicans vote "yes" on taxing AIG's executive bonuses at the elephant-heart-stopping rate of 90 percent.

Even Minority Whip Eric Cantor voted for it! Maybe he and John Boehner talked beforehand and decided to cancel each others' votes out. Or maybe it was because Lawrence O'Donnell — to whom we send a big, admiring PURR — spanked and shamed him on today's edition of "Morning Joe." Poor L'il Eric couldn't complete a single sentence of his robotic Republican talking points, much to Joe Scarborough's chagrin.

Meanwhile, we GROWL at Republican Senators John Kyl and Lamar Alexander, who groused today that President Obama was doing too much — and should concentrate on the economy instead of appearing on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno." Thanks, John and Lamar, but we think President Obama is communicating with the American people, and he's focused just fine.

The More Things Change, The More They Stay the Same

"My father always told me that all businessmen were sons of bitches."

—John F. Kennedy, 1962

AIG Execs = A Litter of Nursing Kittens

By Baxter

Republican Senator Charles Grassley of Iowa certainly has had some memorable moments in the last few days. First he says the AIG executives receiving $165 million in bonuses should apologize and commit suicide. Now he's likening them to — well, just watch.

The most interesting thing about the end of this video — to us cats, at least — is the expression on Senator John Cornyn's face. (He's standing behind Grassley at the press availability.)

Gosh, he looks unhappy. Is he vexed that his fellow Republican is going after their good buddies in the financial world? Or is he thinking about the recent Sarah Palin screw-up? (Geez, talk about not being able to run a railroad.)

Right Wingers Support AIG Bonuses

By Sniffles

Like their heroes Rush Limbaugh and Rick Santelli, those lovable nuts over at Free Republic think that the AIG executive bonuses are fine, just fine.

One claimed that President Obama is expressing outrage about the bonuses because he "wants hysteria against capitalism." Others buy the notion that the only qualified people in the financial world are the bonus babies at AIG, who are irreplaceable.

"These 'retention bonuses' are contracts written years ago," one lectures, apparently agreeing with the Lawrence Summers Sunday interview that the White House press corps pounded Robert Gibbs on today. He goes on to shout, "The employees deserve every penny! You are not a conservative if you believe that the President or Congress can void contracts!"

And then there's the Freeper piece de la resistance: "AIG bonuses = hysterical non-issue to stir up the humors of the hoi polloi."

What makes these Freep folks think that they, themselves, are not part of the hoi polloi? Yet how quickly they make excuses for those who truly are not. (Although we give the poster credit for knowing the true meaning of an expression that sounds like its opposite.)

This St. Patrick's Day, The World Likes Us Again

And that's worth having a pint for!

We Heart Carolyn Maloney — while Rush Hearts AIG

By Zamboni

Here's a tax plan that even Republicans can love.

Representative Carolyn Maloney (D-N.Y.) has introduced legislation to tax those outrageous AIG executive bonuses at 100 percent.

We cats love it! It's perfect! So nice and neat and clean and pretty. And we're sure the government could use the income, too, since they've got some middle-class IRS refunds coming up next month.

Sure, there's always Barney Frank's idea of firing the AIG executives. Who needs 'em? We're certain that there are plenty of laid-off whiz kids in the financial world who are desperate for jobs, and who'd be willing to work at AIG for far lower bonuses. And heck, they might even earn them for a change! But tempting as that is, we just find Representative Maloney's idea completely PURR-worthy.

And while we're at it, could we please also tax Rush Limbaugh's income at 100 percent? Since he supports the AIG bonuses, after all...

UPDATE: While, like you, we cats are spitting mad about this AIG situation, we suspect that Republican Senator Grassley's suggestion that the execs in question commit hara-kiri is, um, maybe a little over the top. And silly. We're more interested in something that's enforceable.

We're Just Ga-Ga for Gibbs

Thank you, Robert, for making our day. And Chip Reid of CBS (not in this video, because he's an idiot and we don't want to give him any space on this blog) can go jump in the lake.

Freepers = Illiterate, Confused

By Baxter (again)

Here's a follow-up to the Levi Johnston interview: The Palin adorers over at Free Republic are very upset. But instead of focusing on Levi and Bristol's immorality, or on the failures of abstinence-only education, they — you guessed it — blame the media.

"This was more ambush than interview," one fumes. "The media is [sic] a cancer," huffs another. "What the hell ever happened to the children of politicians being off limits to the press?" splutters yet another.

And then somebody posted this little gem (above). A bumper sticker, perhaps? Goodness gracious, we know it's Monday, but our little Freeper friends are just a mess.

First, the Levi interview was on ABC, not NBC. Second, Levi is not the child of a politician — a meth maker, maybe, but not a politician. Third, what??

And they scream about immigrants not speaking English!

Not Made in Heaven

By Baxter

Levi Johnston, that famous Alaska son of a meth dealer, is sticking with the charade that his relationship with Governor Sarah Palin's daughter Bristol didn't just consist of a few blow jobs and a one-night stand.

(Sorry to be vulgar, but this story involves vulgar people. And sometimes we cats just have to call 'em like we see 'em.)

The 19-year-old father of Bristol's child, a mere child himself, told ABC News that the engagement was off because they "needed time to grow up," and "I'd like to get back together with her." Um-hmmmmmm.

The knee-jerk dunces on the Republican right, for whom Sarah and her family can do no wrong, might buy this line. But we cats aren't fooled. We knew the minute we saw the bewildered Mr. Johnston at the Republican Convention that this marriage was so not going to happen.

Too bad these crazy kids weren't spayed and neutered before it was too late — or at least given some intelligent education on birth control. Oh, well. Maybe the baby will grow up, rebel, and become a Democrat.

(Excruciating Photo: Getty Images)

Tidbits and Cat Treats, 4.0

By Sniffles

None of these items merits a post in and of itself, because most involve people who either are nutcases or better off banished to the far side of the moon. But we couldn't pass them up without some commentary.

Dick Cheney — the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived If Indeed He Were a Person — is still mad that George W. Bush didn't pardon his convicted-criminal aide, I. Lewis "We Refuse to Call Him 'Scooter'" Libby. Awwww, too bad. Should make a nice postscript to the upcoming film "Fair Game," which we hope will star Sean Penn (sigh, PURR).

The members of the inside-the-Beltway "Gridiron Club" are miffed that President Obama won't attend their dinner on March 21. He'll be the first President since Grover Cleveland not to dine with those creaky, self-important blowhards during his first year in office. We cats say, Good for you, Mr. President. What better way to say that family matters more? This is Change We Need.

And then there's that freshman Republican Congressman from Florida who, in a move (we guess) to appease his party's crazy base, has introduced legislation to compel Presidential candidates to offer up copies of their birth certificates.

The true target, of course, is President Obama — although "Obama has actually produced a copy of his Hawaii birth certificate, and it has been certified by the state," reports Politico. No co-sponsors for the bill have yet emerged.

We cats say, fine — you Republicans keep focusing on this ridiculous non-issue, ever-marginalizing yourselves, while the rest of us fix the country that Bush and Cheney broke.

Video du Jour

Stupid — and Smart

By Zamboni

If their lives had not overlapped, we cats might have thought that Diana, Princess of Wales, was reincarnated as Sarah Palin.

Why? Because while Diana failed her "O" levels and later readily (and famously) admitted that she was "as thick as a plank," she was so gifted at managing her image that she drove the Royal Family batty for 16 years.

Governor Palin, while even thicker than Diana — do we really need to revisit why we know that? — also seems to understand public relations quite well. We cats have found it very interesting, the way she's cozied up to Texas Governor Rick Perry — to head off a potential female rival in Kay Bailey Hutchison — and how she's gone conspicuously silent during the Republican National Committee's recent travails.

One more trait they share: physical attractiveness. We cats are unconvinced that the world would have cared about either Lady Diana or the former Alaska beauty queen if they'd looked like Camilla Parker Bowles. (Sorry, Your Highness — but since you've got him now, and have that wardrobe of fabulous hats, we hope you'll forgive our little swipe.)

Yes, the late Princess of Wales may have been a genius at public relations. But as we all know, she also made a lifetime of terrible choices — including getting into that Mercedes, driven by a drunk, with a hapless Egyptian playboy whom she trusted to protect her. Whether Governor Palin ever makes a similarly bad choice remains to be seen.

Supporting the Troops

By Baxter

We cats can't stay away from Free Republic for long. Their idiocy is just so addictive.

And we've been visiting it a lot in the last few days, to see what, if anything, the Freeps had to say about First Lady Michelle Obama's visit to military families in Fort Bragg, North Carolina.

You know the one — when the soldiers and their families couldn't stop hugging her? Surely the Freeps, who vigorously laud and defend the armed forces at every opportunity, would have some reaction, we thought. After all, they're the right-wingers who say nutty things like, "It’s not right that our brave soldiers have to serve under a Kenyan-born Marxist Islamic usurper who releases terrorists from Gitmo."

Well, after a few false starts with Free Republic's search engine, we've finally unearthed some comments. Yes, there are the usual mean-spirited, knee-jerk bozos who accuse her of just using the visit as a PR stunt. And some really racist posts that aren't worth repeating.

And then there are these: "I cant [sic] ding her for any of this," and "Good for her. Much-needed attention from a prominent public figure."

Yes, we know it's only two. But it's a start.

Fake News

By Sniffles

So we're all still reeling from the spectacle of a host of a fake news show telling the host of a financial news show that he's — well, a fake.

And the fake financial guy, with hangdog looks and a contrite tone in his voice, basically admitting that the fake newsman is right. (If you need proof, take a look at his obsequious body language in the picture above.)

Our furry little heads are still spinning over this, but not too much for us cats to send an affectionate PURR in Jon Stewart's direction for his recent service to the country. If we could, we'd jump up on Mr. Stewart's lap and nuzzle him under his chin.

We just think it's really a shame that it takes a comedian to call people like Jim Cramer on the carpet. Where are all the journalists? Alas, there are none left, we fear.

No, sometimes we feel like throwing up our paws and saying that nearly all the news we run across these days is fake. Cable news networks single out young female murder victims and mysteriously decide that we're all supposed to care about them. T.V. news anchors tout Springfield, Illinois as the birthplace of Abraham Lincoln. A gay escort from a defunct website gets White House press credentials and is called on — by name — by George W. Bush. Brian Williams asks his viewers what stories NBC Nightly News should cover. (What is that — the Tony Snow school of journalism? "I don't know, what do you think?")

At the risk of sounding like fuddy-duddy curmudgeons, we cats have to ask: Whatever happened to good old reporting? Or, as Jon said last night when Cramer averred that corporate CEOs lied to him, "I'm under the assumption that you don't just take their word at face value. That you actually then go around and try to figure it out."

Cramer just continued to sputter and look sheepish.

We cats don't know if Jon Stewart has managed to shame all of American journalism into looking in its very troubling mirror. But we sure hope he's made some sort of difference.

After all — at this rate, the government could, say, invade a sovereign nation on a complete and total lie, and nobody in the media would call them on it!

Lawyers to RCMP: Stop Bush

By Zamboni

A Canadian anti-war lawyers' group has asked the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to bar George W. Bush from visiting Calgary next week because he's guilty of war crimes.

Bush, they say is "inadmissible to Canada ... because of overwhelming evidence that he has committed, outside Canada, torture and other offences."

We cats couldn't agree more — that is, that Bush is guilty of crimes. But we think the good lawyers have this a little backwards.

(Not to mention those lovable right-wing nuts over at Free Republic, who don't seem to understand that the Conservatives are in power in Ottawa. "The Liberals do that every time Canadians are stupid enough to hand them political power at the federal or provincial level." Whoops.)

So, here's our message to our friends at Lawyers Against the War: Please, please, please let George W. Bush visit your country.

Then please, please, please let someone arrest him!

Tying him to the railroad tracks, in fact, would be far too good for him.

Quote of the Day (Week, Month, Year) (Part V)

"Single motherhood is like a farm team for future criminals and social outcasts."

—Ann Coulter, in "Guilty," in a chapter titled "Victim of a Crime? Thank a Single Mother"

Rush: Not Even Close, Therefore, No Cigar

By Baxter

Since Rush Limbaugh has been in the news so much of late, we cats thought we'd take a little trip down Memory Lane and check out his broadcast from November 4, 2008.

What fun! Yes, we know that good folk like Keith Olbermann have resurrected many egregious Rush remarks from days past — but just knowing that, on Election Day, Limbaugh was blabbing total nonsense while the Obama freight train was bearing down on him and his hapless dittoheads made this exercise particularly amusing.

Allow us to share some of the Fat One's most ridiculous prognostications with you. We've put them in quotes. Actual events follow in parentheses.

RUSH: "Now, ladies and gentlemen, I want to tell you what to look for.... In the first place I'm getting all kinds of reports from all over the country about turnout, and in some places it's low. For example, the Upper West Side of Manhattan, no lines whatsoever, which is unusual. My spy for the Upper West Side of Manhattan... you would figure there would be lines out the wazoo up there to vote for Obama, but my spy [says], 'There were long lines in 2004, there weren't any lines today.'" (FACT: The Obama campaign won several states by turning out their supporters to vote early. And President Obama won the state of New York, 62.2 percent to 36.7 percent.)

RUSH: "What I tried to say at the beginning of the program is I am not worried about Virginia and Pennsylvania." (FACT: President Obama won Virginia, 52.7 percent to 46.4 percent. He won Pennsylvania, 54.7 percent to 44.3 percent.)

RUSH: "Let me give you another state that's going to be close. Colorado is going to be close. The early voting polling numbers are very, very close. Ignore the polls out of Colorado today if you live there." (FACT: President Obama won Colorado, 53.5 percent to 44.8 percent.)

RUSH: "We've got a lot of people, the PUMAs, these are the women that are angry.... And these are the woman that are mad that Hillary got screwed by Barry [sic] and the gang in the Democrat [sic] Party, and they're out there, and they're urging people to lie to the exit pollsters and say they voted for Obama." (FACT: Eight million more women than men voted for President Obama.)

RUSH: "The networks are going to call the election before some of you have voted. That's in the template. They cannot wait." (FACT: The networks called the election for President Obama at 11 p.m., when the polls on the West Coast closed and the states of California and Washington put Obama-Biden over 270 electoral votes.)

RUSH: "For what it is worth, here is why John McCain just might pull it out today: 1) The new Battleground Poll has him down by 1.9 percentage points, as I said, 2) internal McCain polls show him gaining fast or leading in key states, and that's been the case for the past couple days, 3) the stock market is up today." (FACT: President Obama beat John McCain by 7 percent, the largest popular-vote margin ever for a non-incumbent.)

Keep flapping your yap, Rush Limbaugh! We cats love you, because you're such an incredible idiot!

And That's the Way She Was

By Sniffles

When Walter Cronkite turned against the Vietnam War back in 1968, Lyndon Johnson knew he was toast. "If I've lost Cronkite, I've lost Middle America," the 36th President said.

So we cats think it's altogether fitting that Katie Couric has won a Walter Cronkite Award for Excellence in Television Journalism, for her revealing series of interviews with Sarah Palin. Judges called Ms. Couric's work "a defining moment in the 2008 Presidential campaign."

In other words, Katie asked the questions, Governor Palin proceeded to self-destruct, and Middle America was able to see without blinders or distractions how woefully ignorant and unprepared the Republicans' Vice Presidential nominee was.

We only regret that Mr. Cronkite's and others' excellent journalism back in the '60s and '70s wasn't able to move America's involvement in Vietnam to a close any sooner. But then, things move faster these days.

In the meantime, we PURR at Katie Couric — for helping to save the country from an unmitigated disaster: "Vice President Palin."

Bushville

By Zamboni

In another echo of The Great Depression, folks who have lost their jobs and homes are living in tents — at least in Sacramento, California.

We cats wonder where else in America this is happening? Because if Sacramento is just the tip of the iceberg, we obviously have to give this phenomenon a name. Our first suggestion is in the headline of this post.

However, the possibilities are endless — because the folks who helped bring us to the brink of this abyss are pretty numerous, too. So let's consider "Cheneyville," "Paulsontown," "Greenspan Acres," "Bernanke Heights," "Grammburg," "Fuldport," "Mt. Thain" and, last but not least, "Cramer's Corners."

(Photo: Getty Images)

The Freepers Turn on Nancy

By Baxter

We cats never thought we'd see the day, but we have.

In the category of "Nobody Is Good Enough For Us But Rush Limbaugh and Sarah Palin," our conservative friends over at Free Republic — who think that Ronald Reagan was the second coming of Christ— now have the daggers out for Ronnie's beloved Nancy.

Why? Because Mrs. Reagan had the temerity to praise President Obama today for overturning George W. Bush's ban on embryonic stem cell funding. Is there anything that better proves how marginalized (not to mention hypocritical) these wingnuts are?

In case you don't believe us, here are some choice tidbits. Read and enjoy — if your head doesn't explode!

"Perhaps this new research will also find a cure for whatever demonic madness afflicts Nancy and her weirdo son Ron-Ron."

"She could have used her own money to fund the research if it meant so much to her."

"Nancy has always been pro-abortion. She’s always been a liberal. She was a loyal wife, and Ronnie brought out whatever was good in her. She cannot be very bright. There’s never been any evidence that she’s very bright."

"Let’s face it, Nancy has always been a little batty."

"What a strange and selfish woman."

America Leaves the Dark Ages

"[P]romoting science isn’t just about providing resources — it is also about protecting free and open inquiry. It is about letting scientists like those here today do their jobs, free from manipulation or coercion, and listening to what they tell us, even when it’s inconvenient — especially when it’s inconvenient. It is about ensuring that scientific data is never distorted or concealed to serve a political agenda — and that we make scientific decisions based on facts, not ideology."

—President Obama, reversing the ban on federal funding for embryonic stem-cell research, March 9, 2009

(Photo: AP / Ron Edmonds)

Now You (Don't) See Her

By Sniffles

Have any of you noticed what we cats have? What the heck has happened to Sarah Palin?

Until just recently, it seemed that we couldn't escape her, no matter how hard we tried. There was no camera she didn't love, from the Republican Governors' meeting in Miami to the turkey slaughter in Alaska to the Alfalfa Club dinner in Washington. Oh, and her (still unmarried) daughter's interview on Fox "News."

Now, suddenly, she's gone. She was a no-show at the National Governors' Association winter meeting and bowed out of appearing at CPAC (which was good news for an obnoxious, rotund talk-show host we know). And she's been completely silent on the latest travails of the Republican Party, from the disastrous speech by her fellow Governor, Bobby Jindal, to the Michael Steele-Rush Limbaugh dust-up.

Heck, we don't even know if she's accepting stimulus money yet, but with Alaska's oil revenues falling and state budget troubles afoot, we suspect she will.

Not that we miss her, mind you. But it's interesting when a media whore suddenly stops soliciting her johns.

In the Category of Unfortunate Metaphors...

"I am putting the [Republican] party on a 12-step program of recovery. This is going to take some time, it is going to take some effort. But we are prepared to move forward and to state the case... to the American people that we have something to offer."

—Michael Steele, (soon-to-be-former?) RNC Chair

Nature Abhors a Vacuum

By Zamboni

But that's what exists in the Republican Party right now. Which explains why a repellent person like Rush Limbaugh — who also knows what's good for his personal bottom line — can so easily fill it.

What we cats didn't expect in the wake of Limbaugh's outsized behavior was the flaccid response of Republican elected officials.

Just try to picture something for a minute. The terrorists have attacked on September 11, and the nation is in shock. The President speaks before Congress to rally the country. What would have happened if Tom Daschle or the other Democratic leaders had responded to the crisis by saying they hoped Bush would fail? They would have been roundly excoriated as traitors, driven from office, shunned from all society.

Well, of course we don't have to carry that analogy any farther, because the Democrats patriotically rallied around the President. In fact, we cats remember a photo of Daschle and Bush embracing as if they were brothers — never mind that Bush and his party successfully gunned for Daschle's Senate seat three years later.

What today's Republicans don't seem to understand is that we're now engulfed in an economic 9/11. And the American people don't appreciate folks — especially well-fed, incredibly rich folks like Rush Limbaugh — rooting for our President to fail.

So here's our challenge to Republicans: If this fat Limbaugh blowhard is not the head of your party — if you think that his vituperative, self-aggrandizing rhetoric is tearing your party apart — then, repudiate him.

Or, embrace him. One or the other; you can't have it both ways. You must choose.

Oh, and "Life, Liberty, etc." are in the Declaration of Independence — not the Constitution, You Idiot

By Baxter

We cats are loving the Rush Limbaugh tangle that the Republican Party is caught up in — and if we could, we'd laugh at Limbaugh's, er, rush to play into the hands of that very smart former Congressman and ballet dancer who sits about three steps away from the President of the United States.

To that end, we hope that every Republican elected official is asked to agree or disagree with the following statement: Do you want the President to fail, too? Because that means the country fails. No dithering or evading, Governors Jindal, Palin, Sanford, et. al. — just a simple yes or no. (It would be nice if they could be asked to accurately quote the preamble to the Constitution, too.)

But underlying our glee is a total puzzlement about the whole Limbaugh phenomenon. Not that we don't understand how he came to command the airwaves after the death of the Fairness Doctrine. We just can't imagine why the working-class, retired-military and trailer-park folks who post over at Free Republic worship him so.

After all, Limbaugh is a thrice-divorced, hate-spewing prescription drug addict whose behavior hardly conforms to Christian values. But even over and above that, he has nothing in common with the Freeps. He doesn't live in their world, and has no concept of their economic struggles. Last year, he signed a $400 million contract with Clear Channel Communications to renew his show.

Perhaps one day a Freeper will explain all this to us. In the meantime, we hope someone asks Jim Bunning how long Limbaugh has to live. He's gained all his weight back and more, and at CPAC, he looked like he had trouble breathing. Something very unhealthy is going on.

Limbaugh v. Steele: Our First Take

By Sniffles

Is there anyone tonight who believes that Michael Steele is not toast?

Since he's already apologized to Rush Limbaugh for declaring the Big Fat Idiot's speech to CPAC "incendiary" and "ugly," we cats suspect that some operators behind the scenes are moving quickly to ease the hapless Mr. Steele out of his position as RNC Chair.

But here's the problem: How do they do it? Surely they'd need a majority of the 165 or so locally elected state party officials to elect a new chair. Do they convene a mass conference call? If so, how do they pull that off without it leaking to the media?

And how do they do it without having Mr. Steele's successor a). already chosen, and b). waiting in the wings?

And how do they make all this happen, knowing that Mr. Steele has fired all the previous RNC staffers and surely was moving in people of his own?

Finally — how much money do we think the Republican National Committee is raising right now? Er, maybe not so much.

Ho, hum. So glad none of this is our problem!

UPDATE: According to Politico, Republican leaders now are (privately, of course) very worried that by electing Steele they've made a terrible mistake. And, oh, by the way, we take back that bit about Steele moving in new people — the RNC "is being run by a pair of consultants."