Trump's Latest Epstein Gambit Won't Work

Trump and Bondi can try to "open an investigation" into a matter that just months ago they said didn't exist and didn't matter. But everyone can see this is a desperate maneuver. And when is it ever appropriate for the DOJ to pursue an investigation at the President's order anyway? They're stuck, and they know it. We cats HISS.

Worst Halloween Costume Idea Since Prince Harry's Nazi Afrika Korps Uniform

"Unknown to her, the clothes Mrs. Kennedy wore into the bright midday glare of Dallas lie in an attic not far from 3017 N Street...Those closest to her had vowed that from the moment she shed them, she would never see them again.

"She hasn't. Yet they are still there, in one of two long brown paper cartons thrust between roof rafters.

"The block-printed label...is 'Worn by Jackie, November 22, 1963.' Were the box to be opened by an intruder from some land so remote that the name, the date, and photographs of the ensemble had not been published and republished until they have been graven upon his memory, he might conclude that these were merely stylish garments which had passed out of fashion and which, because they were associated with some pleasant occasion, had not been discarded.

"If the trespasser looked closer, however, he would be momentarily baffled. The memento of a happy time would be cleaned before storing. Obviously this costume has not been.

"There are ugly splotches along the front and hem of the skirt. The handbag's leather and the inside of each shoe are caked dark red. And the stockings are quite odd. Once the same substance streaked them in mad scribbly patterns, but time and the sheerness of the fabric have altered it. The rusty clots have flaked off; they lie in tiny brittle grains on the nap of the towel.

"Examining them closely, the intruder would see his error. This clothing, he would perceive, had not been kept out of sentiment. He would realize that it had been worn by a slender young woman who had met with some dreadful accident. He might ponder whether she had survived. He might even wonder who had been to blame."

—William Manchester, The Death of a President, 1967

Pobre Donaldo

By Zamboni

Without addressing the sheer ridiculousness of the Trump "campaign" for the Nobel Peace Prize, we cats are tickled pink that María Corina Machado of Venezuela won it this morning. (Even more amusingly, one of our fave Nobel candidates, Chef José Andrés, tweeted in Donald's face: "In a way, this is your win, too." That's going to drive the Spotlight-Hogger-in-Chief out of his tiny mind.)

Machado has been in hiding since Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro refused to accept the results of the country's election last year (sound familiar?). "Maduro remains in power and has retained the support of Venezuela's military and key international backers such as China and Russia," The Guardian reports. "Donald Trump has ordered a major naval buildup off Venezuela’s Caribbean coast in recent weeks, which some suspect could be a prelude to some kind of regime change operation."

Maybe, maybe not. But two things seem true this morning: Vladimir Putin is not happy with the Nobel Committee. And the Trumpsters will surely try to gin up any looming US conflict with Maduro's Venezuela to give Donald the "emergency" he needs to declare martial law. (Which he can't do anyway, by the way).

So, Trump is having to start his day not getting what he wants — an award that he only desires because a Black man who's made him feel puny and inadequate for years received it in 2009. And the MAGAts must already be gearing up for next year's "campaign," yes? We'll see how the Gaza thing works out. Because here's a reminder: Jimmy Carter won the Nobel in 2002 not for his efforts at Middle East peace, but for the international humanitarian work of The Carter Center over two decades. (That mission continues today.) We cats PURR.

It's Not Easy Being Greenland

By Baxter

Well, if there's one gift that the first weeks of the Trumpocalypse has given us, it's a lot of information about Greenland. For example, the flag of Greenland is not, um, green. It looks like this. Pretty nifty.

Be honest — you didn't know anything about this gigantic territory of Denmark either, right? It's just been quietly sitting there at the top of the world for ages, without us giving it so much as a by-your-leave. But if you're Vladimir Putin with your eyes on controlling the Arctic, you've got Greenland on your mind. You're also keenly aware that Greenland is home to a US military base, which services NORAD, and as a Danish territory is part of the NATO military alliance.

It's obvious: There is no other reason for Benedict Donald to jabber on about annexing Greenland except that to Putin's bidding. Trump is a Russian asset and traitor who has no business sitting in the White House. But as the saying goes, here we are.

The latest salvo in the Trumpy "Let's Take Greenland" campaign was their attempt to send Usha Vance on a "cultural tour" and charm offensive. The concept was a load of crap, and Greenlanders weren't buying it — firmly closing their doors on any American advance team that asked them to host her for a visit. Now, with Signalgate and her creepy husband JD threatening to join her, the whole idea has become completely toxic — so bad, in fact, that the trip has been scaled down to one pop-in at the Pituffik military base.

Poor Usha! Poor JD! How simply frightful! How humiliating! How delightful! We cats PURR.

No More Amigos

By Sniffles

Remember the days of The Three Amigos? (No, not the Steve Martin movie, but the trilateral North American Leaders' Summit.) Considering what's going on these days, you probably won't be surprised to be reminded that from 2017 through 2020, no summit was held. Justin Trudeau hosted the 2016 event in Ottawa, and then it was crickets until Joe Biden convened it again in Washington in 2021.

We don't have high hopes for another summit any time soon, what with Benedict Donald calling Canada "our 51st state" and Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum threatening to sue Google for bending to Trump's idiocy and labeling the Gulf of Mexico as the "Gulf of America." Yes, Donald has managed to annoy Mexico again — a country we haven't been on the serious outs with since 1836. Incredible.

As for Canada, things haven't been this bad since 1812. And here's another reason to root for the True North in the Four Nations Face Off, which will face the US again in the final after defeating Finland yesterday. Team USA's general manager has called for Benedict Donald to attend Thursday's game. "We would love it," he burbled. Barf.

The final will be held in Boston, so it's unclear whether either national anthem will get booed as the Star-Spangled Whatsitz did on Saturday in Montreal. But seeing as how Boston is a short plane ride from Canada, and that Trump was roundly jeered by the crowd at the Super Bowl, it could get interesting. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Then And Now

By Hubie and Bertie

In February 1939, a crowd of 20,000 fascist sympathizers gathered in Madison Square Garden for a rally hosted by the German American Bund. It seems incredible now, because as we all know, less than three years later, the United States would be at war. The attack on Pearl Harbor effectively silenced the "America First" movement as the country joined the fight against Japan and Nazi Germany.

But that was 80-plus years ago, and maybe in 2024, the idea of the American Bund is not so incredible after all.

That's because since the rise of Donald Trump, home-grown Nazis, Proud Boys and other miscreants have gathered and marched again in America. Trump has emboldened them to come crawling out from under their rocks and broadcast their hate. On January 6, 2021, at his urging, they attacked the Capitol and tried to overturn the 2020 election.

Now, Trump has announced that he, too, will hold a rally in Madison Square Garden on October 27. (Prices in New York City can be pretty high, so we agree that it would be a good move to get the Trump campaign's rental payment in advance.)

At the American Bund event, 100,000 people protested outside. Since it seems foolhardy for Benedict Donald to spend the last few weeks of his campaign in a reliably blue state, you can only imagine that a big, violent counter-demonstration is what he's hoping for. Back in 1939, then-Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia dispatched nearly 2,000 uniformed and undercover police officers to keep things calm. What will Mayor Eric Adams do this year? We cats hate to even ask, and we HISS.

Debate Divination

By Miss Kubelik

Gee, Team Trump is running out of time to make excuses for not showing up at Thursday night's Presidential debate. Although their minions sure are pushing the "Biden must be tested for drugs" line hard, aren't they? Tells you something.

So instead of not backing out, perhaps the plan is to have Trump show up — but stalk off as soon as something happens that he doesn't like (like the muted microphone rule that he has, of course, agreed to).

If he does turn up, recall that Trump knows nothing about policy — which he wouldn't be able to discuss anyway, thanks to his cognitive decline. So his only recourse will be to act like a drama queen, particularly if Biden does something very Dark Brandon-y.

For example, say that Biden points out how many elections Democrats have won since SCOTUS overturned Roe two years ago tomorrow. Or mentions that Trump couldn't fill a Temple University venue that Biden himself had packed in Philadelphia earlier. Or maybe he'll make a joke about whether Trump's probation officer knows where he is. The possibilities are endless, and any one of them could cause (allow?) Benedict Donald to flounce away in a huff.

We're still betting Trump doesn't show, but if he does choose the walk-off route, you heard it here first. We cats PURR.

P.S. A warning to journalists out there: In your run-up to Thursday as well as in your after-coverage, please don't treat the debate as if it's normal. It won't be. We cats HISS.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Random Monday Observations Edition

By Zamboni

It was a busy Monday, wasn't it? Here is our rather mixed bag of reactions from the news we encountered.

No, Benedict Donald  did not have 100,000 people at the Saturday rally in New Jersey. You know they're desperately lying because their fans and minions (some of whom should be hauled off to the hoosegow, like Roger Stone) have been posting photos of a 1994 Rod Stewart concert in Rio and claiming it's the Jersey shore. Pathetic and transparent — but they hope that if they repeat it often enough, folks will believe it. (They also hope that they won't get challenged on it by reporters, which they probably won't.)

The only other thing we can think of from Saturday's event is that Hannibal Lecter is apparently on Trump's veep shortlist.

Michael Cohen testified in the Manhattan criminal trial today. From what we can tell — and we really wish this trial was on TV — he was calm, cool and collected. (This after all the stupid cable news talking heads were predicting that as a witness, he'd be volcanic and dicey.) Bad news for the defendant. It was also touching how Trump brought two new emotional support Senators with him. JD Vance in particular must be worried that Lecter is edging him out in the Veep Sweep.

It was good to see that very few tweeps were hand-wringing over the latest battleground-state poll from The New York Times. Gosh, we're tired of news organizations platforming polls with misleading headlines just to get freakouts going so they get the clicks. For example, the registered voters environment favors Benedict Donald, while likely voters are more favorable to Biden. "That the Times centered their headline and graphics around the results with registered voters was an editorial choice," Democratic strategist Simon Rosenberg dryly observed. He added: "Many in the business right now are, in my mind, overselling polling's accuracy, predictive value and relevance."

(The many failures of the Times are for another post. Stay tuned.)

Finally, kudos to George Conway for coming around to our view that the current Trump criminal trial is, of the four cases hanging over Benedict Donald, the perfect one to start with — and not just because the others are tangled up in delays. Yes, we all know that Trump lies as easily as he breathes. But, as Conway says, "The alleged lies in People v. Trump strike at the core of his moral putrescence — and Trump knows it. They are lies allegedly meant to cover up a tawdry man's tawdry behavior. The case truly embodies Donald Trump. And for that reason, I think, it deeply disturbs him." We cats PURR.

For Heaven's Sake, Grab A Sweater, Donald.

By Hubie and Bertie

Poor Benedict Donald. Nothing is going right for him these days. He's in criminal court in Manhattan, being forced to listen to potential (and ultimately excused) jurors rightfully disparage him and saying their loathing of him meant they couldn't be fair. Quite a change from the deluge of sycophancy he's used to at Mar-a-Lago and in other, friendlier environs. And he's cold. The courthouse is "freezing," he whines.

How can he be chilly? His antics both inside and outside the courtroom are landing him in hot water. Judge Merchan smacked him down the other day for muttering at a just-excused juror, and chided him today for checking his smartphone in court. Most important, prosecutors have averred that he's broken his gag order no fewer than seven times since the start of trial, and the judge has scheduled a hearing for next Tuesday on that. Trump could be fined or even hauled off to the hoosegow. Surely if he were anyone else, he'd already be there.

All this misbehavior is making life more difficult for his own attorneys — and consequently, his case. In trials with normal (i.e., non-narcissistic, non-sociopathic) defendants, the defense team is routinely apprised of the names of upcoming witnesses. The prosecutors argued that they can't follow that routine courtesy, because Trump would tweet and intimidate them on his failing social media platform. "I can't fault them for that," Judge Merchan said. So now Trump's lawyers will have to be prepped and ready for every witness, every day, just in case.

Does Benedict Donald care? Of course not. Not only is he contemptuous of everything that makes a human being human, he doesn't understand how he's undermining himself. Why else would he refuse to stand for the jurors like the rest of the court, including his legal team?

"I have never observed a defendant refuse to stand and face the jury," said a former federal prosecutor. "Trump's disrespect for the jury is unwise." We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Actions, Meet Consequences Edition

 

By Baxter

It's been a busy week, and we cats are trying to catch up, because next week looks like it's going to be even more lit. And that's saying a lot after eight days of great jazz, a flawlessly performed Beethoven symphony, and "Randy Rainbow for President" (not to mention a total solar eclipse). Here are a few items we're digesting along with our three breakfasts this morning.

Who runs Stormy Daniels's Twitter account, and why do we think it's actually her? She so sassy and funny. While she'll no doubt be more demure when she takes the stand in Benedict Donald's upcoming hush-money trial (it starts Monday!), she's still making a serious case for national treasurehood online.

Did you hear about the pro-Palestinian activist who threatened the city council of Bakersfield, California (and who's in big, big trouble for it)? During the meeting's public comments section, she told the council, "We'll see you at your house, and we'll murder you." Is she nuts? And isn't that what actually has already happened — to Israelis on October 7?

Following his "deeply weird" meeting with Benedict Donald yesterday, Preacher of the House Mike Johnson is sure to find out that Everything Trump Touches Dies. Meanwhile, the interwebs are having a field day with both Johnson's and Trump's body language: Johnson did a backhand thumb gesture toward Trump when he said the words "hardened criminals," and Trump clearly made Johnson walk in back of him at their exit. (Johnson briefly considered giving Donald a friendly touch on the back, but then quickly changed his mind.) Hilarious!

Finally, we've seen it suggested that President Biden's turnaround in national polling didn't start with his barn-burning State of the Union address, but instead, around the time of the Super Bowl. You see what happens, MAGA, when you start trashing Taylor Swift? We cats PURR.

Load Of Crap.

By Sniffles

Yesterday, Benedict Donald said that he was going to be arrested by the Manhattan DA on Tuesday and that his loyal followers should take to the streets. (See above.)

No doubt some yahoos in northern Idaho read that post, immediately threw a couple of shotguns in the back seat of their pickup, and took off for New York City. (Never mind that they can't afford the hotel prices there.) They're probably somewhere in Kansas about now.

And surely other MAGA idiots are en route to Palm Beach — while others have made plans to withdraw all their money from the First Bank of Bumfuck, Arkansas, another one of the silly protest schemes. Personally, we'd love to see Trumpsters tank some rinky-dink hillbilly bank, and all the brouhaha that would ensue. It would be most amusing!

But we couldn't help asking why, with only Trump's word to go on, everyone else assumed it would indeed be Tuesday. Turns out we may have been right.

Trump's legal team is apparently sending a rebuttal witness to the grand jury tomorrow. This is a defendant's right, but will probably slow things down. You also have to believe that it was in the works well before Benedict Donald riled up everyone yesterday morning.

Can we stop letting him yank our chain? We're talking to the fun people we follow on Twitter, but, most of all, we're addressing the media. Please, journalists, can you grow up? We cats HISS.

Imminent, As They Say

By Miss Kubelik

Since Trump's mobster lawyer is now saying that Benedict Donald will give himself up at Mar-a-Lago next week without causing a scene, it looks like our weekend will be consumed with anticipation of an arrest. Wow! This kind of talk is almost as fun as the actual indictment.

All that said, bear in mind the following:

• Trump will spend all weekend trying to fundraise from his base. As the world's Grifter Extraordinaire, he'll have to do that before he gets hit with a gag order.

• If Trump tries to say anything negative about Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg after that, his bail could be revoked. Judges just don't allow defendants to say bad things about prosecutors on social media without consequences.

So, these next few days are Donald's last chance to fleece the flock. Rest assured that he'll milk the Stormy Daniels indictment for all it's worth, just to eke a few extra bucks from his ignorant MAGA crowd.

We can't decide what's more offensive — Trump's crimes against democracy, or his violations of the poor ignorant slobs who say they believe in him. Either way, he is one of the most despicable forms of humanity who ever walked the earth. We cats HISS.

Dear Mr. Adams, You Are Obnoxious And Disliked.

By Baxter

The creator of the comic strip "Dilbert" has self-defenestrated, and it's glorious to see. Scott Adams has been dancing up against the boundaries of acceptance for so long now that it's kind of a jolt to realize that he's committed professional suicide at last. But he has.

Adams went off on a racist rant in response to a Rasmussen poll that asked silly questions about whether it was "okay" to be white. Now, any sophisticated political observer would already know that Rasmussen polls are Republican-skewing and garbage. So it seems to us that Adams was just tired of playing the game, and finally decided to end it all with a bunch of nonsense tweets about how white Americans should "get the hell away from Black people." 

Adams was already on the ropes with his support for Benedict Donald and his opposition to COVID vaccines. Might as well finish the job, right?

Anyway, here are our predictions:

• Trump will woo him hard for a 2024 endorsement.
• He will be a speaker at the GOP convention.
• He will be signed as a frequent contributor to Fox "News," OANN, Newsmax or any of the other Nazi Party organs.
• Ted Cruz, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Lauren Boebert, and the other right-wing snowflakes will stampede one another to decry anti-Adams wokeism. There may be injuries in the process.
• Karine will deftly take him down from the White House podium.

That last one will make us cats PURR.

It Is Time For Them To Go-Go

By Zamboni

As our headline paraphrases Al Gore at the 1992 Democratic convention, let's observe that execrable Florida Governor Ron DeSantis should remember what happened to a couple of politicians from around that same time: George H.W. Bush and Michael Dukakis.

Democratic nominee Dukakis torched a 17-point lead in 1988 by, among other things, donning a helmet and riding around in a tank. You've all seen the photo. It invited ridicule — the death knell of all Presidential wannabes. (And yes, Bernard Shaw's rape-death-penalty question in that one debate didn't help. But Shaw is dead now, and Dukakis is still alive and at large.)

Four years later, Hurricane Andrew tore through South Florida, and the administration of then-President Bush Senior didn't, um, perform very well. We don't remember Bush showing up anywhere in white boots, but he seemed inattentive, and FEMA was slow and clunky. (And that was before Bush Junior screwed up Katrina.) Anyway, Bush Senior lost re-election to Bill Clinton a few months later. 

So here is Ron DeSantis in 2022, five weeks out from a match-up with former Governor Charlie Crist, and Presidential ambitions galore. And his disastrous post-Ian appearance in Fort Myers Beach strutting in his pristine booties may have just landed him in Dukakis territory.

Funny, you'd think that reports about a bad recovery response, and the fact that DeSantis paused aid from going to hurricane victims so he could get his white-boot photo op, would sink him faster. But whatever. Charlie Crist, the ball's in your court. We cats PURR.

Size Matters

 

By Hubie and Bertie

Is it possible that the petulant brat Ron DeSantis and his MAGA minions will admit that climate change exists now? Hurricane Ian hit Florida's west coast today as such a monster, they probably should create a Category 6. How did it get so strong so fast?

"The Gulf of Mexico has been unseasonably warm this summer, according to the National Weather Service," Axios reports. "And climate change is heating the Caribbean by a little over 1 degree Celsius (1.8 degrees Fahrenheit) per century."

But DeSantis, unbelievably, already started whining about not talking to President Biden last night (a conversation which, actually, did take place). It reminds us of Republicans' bitching about "the border crisis" while taking no action: Trump's wall didn't get built, Mexico didn't pay for it — and as Secretary Pete Buttigieg recently pointed out, DeSantis used to be in Congress, and got nothing done on immigration while he was there. Always easier to complain about problems to score political points with angry people than to try to solve those problems, isn't it?

Somebody tell Ron it's not going to work with Ian. There's amazing video posted today that shows houses floating away in Naples and live sharks swimming up the street in Fort Myers. But just wait until the waters recede and people start realizing that they needed windstorm and flood insurance on top of their other coverage. They're in for a rude awakening — and it would be perfectly fine with us if they take it out on DeSantis at the polls in November. We cats PURR.

GOP Burned

By Baxter

Apparently it takes a bunch of sick and dying veterans sitting on the steps of the Capitol for six days and a furious Jon Stewart trashing them on all channels (including Fox and Newsmax) to force Republican Senators to cave and vote once again for the PACT Act.

Well, most of them, anyway. We've seen reports that the 11 burn-pit "no" votes were Crapo, Lankford, Lee, Lummis, Paul, Risch, Romney, Shelby, Tillis, Toomey and Tuberville. That's down from the 41 who voted in a hissy fit to kill the bill last week. (And it's another reminder that yes, Willard Mitt Romney continues to be terrible, and thank God he didn't get elected President in 2012.)

So we don't understand what any of this accomplished for the Republican Party — except to rile up another key constituency that they'll need in the fall and to be subjected to constant humiliation from Jon Stewart, who is — sorry, Senator Toomey — definitely not a "pseudo-celebrity." Jon has 1.5 million followers on Twitter. Toomey, 193,000.

And it may also have stirred the pot — and not in a good way for the GOP — on the race to choose Toomey's successor in the Senate. We trust John Fetterman will know how to keep Pennsylvanians damn mad about it, and that "Dr." Oz will be clueless as to how to defend it.

As for the rest of the 11 GOP deplorables, at least they stuck to their awfulness, unlike their colleagues who, after getting relentlessly pounded over it, voted for the same bill they opposed last week. It's hard to know who's worse. We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: The fist-bump that will live in infamy. Democrats, the midterms are coming. You know what to do.)

Turn The Page, Jordan

By Baxter

Just weeks ago, we cats were blissfully unaware of a cretin in Toronto named Jordan Peterson, and we had no idea how lucky we were. Now it's hard to escape him and his transphobic silliness. (Although Josh Hawley is trying very hard to top him.)

This deeply unlikable Peterson person is on the faculty at the University of Toronto, a job that we guess he bothers to perform when he's not spewing hostile nonsense on social media. For some reason, he has decided to go after the film actor Elliot Page, who recently transitioned and who, as you can see, appeared on the cover of Esquire magazine. So, good for Elliot, right? 

Apparently not, because this has driven Peterson mad. He raged against Page on Twitter, calling him by his dead name, using feminine pronouns, and accusing him of "converting" young kids — the whole nine yards. Twitter responded by tossing his account for awhile, but it looks like he's back. (After what the January 6 Committee revealed yesterday about Twitter's approach to Benedict Donald's seditious rantings in 2020, we're sadly not surprised.)

Peterson is obviously an ass, but there's something really weird about all this: Why does it matter? An actor, Elliot Page, has chosen to be his authentic self. What possible impact does that have on Jordan Peterson's life? None, that's what.

The only possible explanation is that Peterson is trying to bait the University of Toronto into firing him, so he can whine on whatever social media doesn't boot him off, play the victim on Fox "News," and make big money off his grievances. Elliot Page, please ignore this hateful buffoon. That would make us cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Friday Before Valentine's Day Edition

By Miss Kubelik

About this time in 1964, the Beatles were storming America. All you need is love, right? These days, it seems like there's precious little love around. Here are some people we cats are feeling crabby about.

Journalists who hold on to important information for their books — Disgusting. Woodward & Bernstein reported in real time, but Woodward & Costa kept details back so they could climb the New York Times bestseller list. Maggie Haberman is the most recent and offensive example. The good news: She's feeling the heat.

"Truckers" who make Canadians and Americans lose paychecks and jobs — The protests in Ottawa have closed the Rideau Centre mall and countless downtown businesses for two weeks now. Which means that retail workers have missed pay (or "paycheques," in Canadian parlance). Do the truckers care? Nope. Now, auto manufacturers have had to shut down due to lack of parts. The good news: Canadians are repelled, and may never vote Conservative again.

Journalists who screamed bloody murder over Hillary's emails but not Benedict Donald's destruction of documents — Our paper copy of The New York Times this morning did not, shall we say, have a banner headline about Trump eating Top Secret documents and flushing them down the toilet. Why not? The good news: More fodder for the January 6 committee and everyone else investigating Trump.

Canadians who support the truckers but haven't a clue — The Ontario Provincial Police is visiting the homes of people who have sympathized with insurrectionists on the Face Thing to make sure they understand what rights they have in a peaceful protest, and — most important — what they don't. Here's a video of one such visit. Hilariously, the Ontarian in this clip cites the Canadian Charter of Rights & Freedoms, which she apparently doesn't know the current Prime Minister's father, Pierre Trudeau, made happen. The good news: Hypocrisy exposed.

Finally, we're rolling into Stupid Bowl weekend, folks. Which means those of us who don't care about football have to dodge all the hype. But because of that, we're happy to graciously give the Puppy Bowl some plugs. Be sure to watch (there are kittens, too). We cats PURR.

Cat Fight! "Schmeck" v. Rittenhouse

By Sniffles

See above: This is what Kyle Rittenhouse is now, since classless Oregon Biden-insulter Jared "Schmeck" outed himself to Steve Bannon today as a major Trumpster who thinks the 2020 election was stolen. Benedict Donald Junior has called "Schmeck" a hero. So now the Turning Pointers and the CPACkers and other right-wing nutcases will be clamoring for "Schmeck" to speak at their conferences, fundraisers and other super-spreader events. With poor little Kyle left in the dust.

Here's a scary thought: Either Kyle will go out and kill a few more people to get back into the Trumpsters' good graces, or some other crazy idiot will try something even more outrageous for the adoration of MAGA's madding crowd. Goodness gracious, but COVID can't fell these people quickly enough. We cats HISS.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Early Holiday Decor Edition

By Zamboni

Is it just us, or are the Christmas decorations busting out early this year? It's not even December yet, and plenty of houses around us are sporting twinkle lights, wreaths and (GURK!) cheesy inflatables. But thank goodness, at least after years of dystopian holiday hellscapes wrought by Moose & Squirrel, the White House is back to normal again. (Now, FLOTUS, please put Jackie Kennedy's rose garden back.)

Meanwhile, here's what else is going on in the news.

After plugging his book on practically every talking-head show on the planet, Chris Christie's sales are, to put it charitably, underwhelming. The stupidly named tome (we won't repeat its title) has sold only 2,289 copies in stores, and ranks 15,545th on Amazon Kindle. This is so great. Look for it to join Benedict Donald's ridiculous covfefe-table book on the remainder shelf. Any time now!

It's also impressive that people appalled by the Kyle Rittenhouse verdict in Wisconsin are already working hard to make the little brat's life hell. Astoundingly, for someone who murdered two people and paralyzed a third, Rittenhouse thinks he'd make a good RN. So students at Arizona State University are loudly protesting his enrollment in nursing classes there. May Rittenhouse never enjoy normalcy for the rest of his days. He needs to be hounded forever.

Another truly despicable person hogging the headlines these days is super-bigot Lauren Boebert, Republican from Colorado. It's hard to know whether we should comment or just ignore her latest outrages, because obviously she's doing it to get attention and raise money. (Except some of it seems to be backfiring on her.) We just wish Boebert would call us so we could hang up on her, too.

Finally, while we're not panicking about the omicron COVID variant, we sure hope that the Canada-US border doesn't close again. But there are actions we all can take. If you haven't gotten vaccinated yet, do it — and if you have, get that booster shot! We cats PURR.