Hate The One You're With

By Miss Kubelik

So Willard Mitt Romney has squeaked by in a home state he was supposed to win in a walk, and the GOP is crabby. They have a frontrunner whom they cannot stand.

We cats appreciate their dilemma. Every time Willard pops up on our TV — with his awkward cadences and his gratuitous, McCain-ish "heh-hehs" and his bewilderment that the Republicans don't automatically indulge his sense of entitlement — we dive for the remote. How quickly can we get that repulsive man off our screens?

Even Rick Santorum, as hate-filled and un-Googleable and tyrannical as he is, doesn't make our skin crawl the way Mitt Romney does.

What a predicament: Everyone else in the GOP clown car — we can no longer call it a college — is appalling, too. The Republicans are saddled with such impossibilities that they might as well just call 2012 off.

We cats PURR.

UPDATE: We cats have been asked whether Willard will be victorious in Tampa this summer. We note Nate Silver's assessment: "Mr. Romney is doing just well enough (and not much better) to be on track for the Republican nomination."

Our own thought is that the way the GOP delegate rules are written, the answer at this time is yes. You can make the argument that Willard does not have an easy path to 1,144. But neither does anyone else. And brokered conventions only occurred when you had party bosses who controlled the state delegations. Those days died in 1964 for the Democrats, and in 1976 for the Republicans, if not earlier.

Voter Suppression: The GOP's Proudest Export

By Baxter

We cats are feeling vindicated. In the past, we've claimed collusion between Tory Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper and the Rove-inspired Bushies, and the world has laughed at us. Well, the world may be laughing no more.

Ottawa is engulfed in a voter-suppression scandal that would make Jeb Bush and the American Republican Party proud. Gosh, it's so shocking that even the French-language media are carrying it.

Long story short, robocalls were made to Liberal households in 34 ridings (the Canadian equivalent of Congressional districts) — claiming to come from either the Liberal Party or from Elections Canada, and either harassing voters or providing false polling-place information.

How similar to the Bob Ehrlich robocalls to black areas of Maryland, assuring voters that the election was won and they didn't need to vote! Liberal Party leader Bob Rae has called for an emergency debate in the House of Commons to address the issue today.

So. We cats have always suspected that Stephen Harper had Karl Rove on direct dial. Were we wrong? Somehow, we think not.

(PHOTO: Chris Wattie, Reuters)

Advice To Ricky: Take a TUMS

By Zamboni

We cats love it when right-wing idiots write our posts for us. Normally, we consider the blatherings of Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum to be beneath our notice. But he really goes off a cliff when he bitches about President Kennedy's 1960 speech to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association.

Just for the record, folks, here's some of what makes Santorum "want to throw up."

"I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute; where no Catholic prelate would tell the President, should he be Catholic, how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote; where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference, and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.

"I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish; where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source; where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials, and where religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.

"Finally, I believe in an America....where Catholics, Protestants and Jews, at both the lay and the pastoral levels, will refrain from those attitudes of disdain and division which have so often marred their works in the past, and promote instead the American ideal of brotherhood."

Empty Suit, Empty Heads, Empty Stadium

 (PHOTO: Scott Olson, Getty Images)

Tidbits and Cat Treats — Republican Screw-Up Edition

By Sniffles

We cats made a point of buying some Girl Scout cookies today. Why? Because we wanted to show support for a venerable community organization that's recently — and absurdly — been insulted by right-wing Republican idiots.

So, since Republicans have been spending the week making absolute fools of themselves, for your Friday entertainment here are a few other examples of same. Enjoy!

The Washington Post has given Virginia's Governor, the now-famous "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell, its "Worst Week in Washington" award for his pre-abortion ultrasound bill. Frantically trying to repair the damage, Transvaginal Bob and his Republican minions in Richmond are claiming that they had no idea their bill would have mandated such an invasive procedure. You know what we think? After this debacle — and the previous one in which he pretended slavery didn't exist — Transvaginal Bob has a real problem caring about people who don't look like him.

Willard Mitt Romney gave what was supposed to be a hugely important policy speech in an empty football stadium today. This guy's been running for President for a hundred years. Why don't his folks know how to advance an event?

An Oklahoma Congressman said it would be a good idea to kill a couple of U.S. Senators in order to get a budget passed. And Republicans think Barack Obama is the dangerous one? (But don't worry — Jeb Bush only finds the Republicans' rhetoric a little troubling.)

Finally, on the subject of dangerous people, one of the founders of the teabagger movement has stepped down after his felony arrest for trying to carry a Glock pistol on an airplane. And he's all weepy that New York City officials haven't returned his gun. Returned it?? Whatever happened to "my cold, dead hand"?

Maryland, Our Maryland

By Miss Kubleik

What a contrast. Virginia, under the leadership of Transvaginal Bob, is restricting gay rights and women's rights — while across the Potomac, the Maryland Senate has approved marriage equality legislation.

As we have written Transvaginal Bob and our member of the Virginia House of Delegates, we cats are embarrassed to be residents of the Old Dominion. Especially when compared to the Old Line State  — which we think has become decidedly New Line.

What If?

By Baxter

We cats now will leave the unfortunate subject of "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell to focus on the sorry state of the 2012 Republican clown college.

(This was a tough decision, because hot on the heels of tamping down his state-sponsored-rape bill, Transvaginal Bob has had his legislative minions in Richmond shove "personhood" to the back burner until after the Presidential election. What a craven political opportunist we have in Transvaginal Bob. But at the same time, we were awfully sick of looking at that ultrasound picture.)

So. It seems that the GOP had a clown confab in Arizona last night. We cats didn't watch a moment of it, but we admit we're confused.

See, after Willard Mitt Romney's surprise "victory" in Iowa, his romp in New Hampshire and his crushing-of-the-barbarians in Florida, the Republican nomination was supposed to be all wrapped up by January 31. Yet, here we are, facing another life-and-death, game-changing pair of primaries next week.

Not only that, but Willard is behind in Michigan, a state he was supposed to win in a walk. Here's how dire things are for Willard in his much-ballyhooed home state: If he picks up a point a day, every day, between now and Tuesday, he only wins Michigan by less than five points — less than half the margin he had over John McCain four years ago.

How's that for inevitability?

Then there's Arizona. This is a state that a month ago, no one figured would be on anyone's radar because it was a lock — a sure lock — for Willard. But here's Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum, within the margin of error there.

Again, what happens if Santorum holds Willard under a majority in Arizona, or holds the victory margin to five points? What if it's closer? What if Santorum wins? Don't get us started on what happens if Willard wins one/loses one next Tuesday. The questions are too numerous and head-spinning.

Therefore, we cats spare you any more revolutions du tete. The bottom line is that Mr. Inevitability could go into Super Tuesday having lost three, four, five or even six of the previous seven nomination races.

Who could ask for a stronger nominee than that?

(PHOTO: AP)

Bob Blinks

By Zamboni

Imagine that this gloved hand is Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell's, penetrating you with a transvaginal probe whether you liked it or not, and all because you had the temerity to seek the Constitutionally protected right to a safe and legal abortion.

Well, apparently Bob McDonnell himself couldn't even imagine it. Because he's waffled on signing the state-sponsored-rape bill that the Virginia House of Delegates has been preparing to send him for simply days now. He just couldn't see himself signing that bill and getting picked to run for Vice President this year.

(We cats have a little advice for Balky Bob: Watch your right flank, because the anti-choicers will be after you with a vengeance. And oh, by the way, the 2012 Republican nomination for Vice President? It probably won't be worth a lot. Just sayin'.)

So — what are we left with here? Chaos in Richmond, to be sure, but also the certain, and disturbing, knowledge that the only thing standing between an innocent woman and institutionalized rape in Virginia is a holy roller who wrote a college thesis on how women should remain at home popping babies every 11 months. Pretty scary.

Our sole consolation is how badly female voters will punish Republicans this fall. On that note, we cats PURR.

UPDATE: The Virginia House of Delegates has passed a bill calling for an transabdominal ultrasound, instead of the dreaded internal probe. Hey, Republican idiots! We cats have news for you: The transabdominal procedure is unacceptable, too. It's an invasion of privacy and we can't wait for someone to challenge it in court. Meanwhile, just because you watered this horrible legislation down, don't think that your Governor will escape forever being known as "Transvaginal Bob."

Obama: Cool Cat

Lest We Furr-get: The Real Elephant In The Room

By Sniffles

In the reportage of Republican hand-wringing over the possibility of a contested convention this year — Eugene Robinson's column today being just the latest example — we cats have yet to hear anyone articulate the real reason the GOP finds itself in such a fix.

The party that always nominates "the person next in line" had an idiot in the second spot in 2008.

Seriously. There's no other explanation other than the fact that John McCain, in an act that in our view was pretty close to treason, selected a running mate who — although adored by the GOP's bloodthirsty base — was patently unqualified to be President. This near-miss by the country, which soundly rejected McCain-Palin that fall, has become a festering wound for the party ever since. Would Republicans be thrashing about like this if it were otherwise?

Let's face it: The famous quitter from Alaska is a fool. So this year the GOP has had to tentatively anoint a frontrunner who actually came in third last time. But they don't love him, and the teabaggers detest him. That reality — along with primaries that award many delegates on a proportional basis — is making the GOP toss and turn and call for Daniels, Christie, Ryan and even Bush in its sleep.

After President Obama wins, we cats think the Republicans will look back on 2012 and find many reasons for their failure. But we're sure that almost no one will have the guts to blame Sarah Palin.

Meanwhile, This Is What Virginia Is Forcing On Women Who Seek Abortions

Happy 50th Anniversary, Senator Glenn

He helped us beat those darn Russians.

The Rise of Ricky

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have mixed feelings about the amazing poll numbers we're seeing in the 2012 Republican clown college.

While Michigan appears to have tightened between Rick Santorum and Willard Mitt Romney, Texas is taking our breath away: Santorum at 45 percent! Gingrich second with 18! Romney in third — third! In a possible winner-take-all primary! (Goodness gracious. We're catching the dreaded Jim Robinson Exclamation Point Disease.)

On the one hand, we're loving this. The GOP is so torn between its ostensibly reasonable, inside-the-Beltway head and its grass-roots, red-meat, hating heart that the clowniest of the 2012 clowns — with the possible exception of Donald Trump, who never actually got in — now is the "conservative alternative" to a frontrunner the Republican establishment views only tepidly, and whom the rabid base loathes. As one of our favorite bloggers would say, Fun!

On the other hand, despite the fact that he's alienating mainstream voters left and right, Santorum's antics are kinda depressing. It's just so deflating to see all these old issues — matters on which society has admirably and already progressed — re-introduced into the national conversation. Topics like the President's faith, not to mention women's health, contraception and the value of public education all fall into the category of what our attorney friends would call "settled law" — and we're wondering why the hell we're even discussing them again.

It's as if after the automobile was invented, somebody said, "You know what? Let's revisit the horse and buggy."

Or, after TV came into being, the powers that be declared, "Never mind. We're happy with radio."

Or, when germs were discovered and the X-ray was developed, doctors responded with, "Oh, that's nice, but let's go back to bleeding."

In other words, do you think the iPod is immoral? Then stick with the Walkman, and vote for Santorum.

Are the Republicans committing political suicide with this antediluvian nonsense? Definitely. But although that pleases us, we cats resent having to spend an iota of energy on this stuff. Therefore, we HISS.

The GOP, Unprotected

By Baxter

We cats are getting the impression that the Republican Party, which already has made an unholy mess of its 2012 primary/caucus season, is heading into some treacherous waters.

You're wondering, what? They're not already there? We admit that's a compelling argument. After all, the GOP has not only managed to run through more flavors of the week than Baskin-Robbins, they've crafted a nominating calendar that practically guarantees a long, drawn-out race, screwed up every caucus they've run to date, and hammered each other relentlessly with negative ads. And in just the last few weeks, they've repulsed millions of American women (you know how) and Hispanics (check this out!!).

No wonder the only way the Koch brothers see the Republicans winning this year is by suppressing the Democratic vote.

As if those headaches weren't enough, the whispers have started in top GOP circles about what to do if Willard Mitt Romney can't win Michigan in 10 days. They're frantically shuffling through the primary states with late filing deadlines, trying to figure out if there's a potential candidate who can win enough delegates to serve as a kind of human "morning-after pill" should Willard wilt in the Wolverine State.

Of course, there hasn't been a multi-ballot nomination at a national party convention since the 1950s — but the GOP's been so ham-handed this year that we cats are confident they can manage it.

This is a dangerous way to live. The Republican Party is riding in a careening clown car that's packed with teabaggers, libertarians, Bible bangers, white supremacists, rednecks and effete inside-the-Beltway types who think they can decide what's best for everybody.

Nobody's wearing their seat belt. And nobody's got an aspirin to hold between their knees.

A Big, Fat Miscalculation

By Zamboni

Like everyone else in the world, we cats knew that the Republican bully from New Jersey, Chris Christie, was going to veto the marriage equality bill that hit his desk this morning. Our only question was whether he was going to, um, sit on it until after the close of business — hoping that no one would notice going into the holiday weekend.

Well, sorry, Chris. You can run but you can't hide. And we hope that New Jersey Democrats will be able to find the 15 votes they'll need to override you by the end of 2013. Meanwhile, we're completely unconvinced by your "let the people decide" argument. We know, of course, that if gay marriage had first been approved by New Jersey voters at the ballot box, you'd be screaming for the courts or the legislature to intervene.

But wait, there's hope. Here we were, gagging over the Garden State, when suddenly we got a news flash from Annapolis. The Maryland House of Delegates did a 360 on its previous vote and approved marriage equality tonight. After a stop at the state Senate, the bill should head to the Democratic Governor, who has said he will sign it.

So there you have it, folks. It's just as clear as it could be. Democrats are in favor of equal rights. Republicans — notwithstanding that fine speech by Representative Maureen Walsh in Washington — oppose them.

Or at least, one big guy in New Jersey certainly does.

(IMAGE: Our apologies to Roscoe Arbuckle, but we'd rather look at him than at you-know-who.)

A Little Kidding In Honor Of The Kid

By Sniffles

We cats were trying to figure out how to mark the passing of Gary Carter, who was a Montreal Expo before he was a New York Met and later was an Expo again. But this isn't a baseball blog — it's a political one, and Gary was probably a Republican to boot. Then, a friend sent us this video, and our problem was solved. Rest in peace, Kid.

"The Gals Just Put It Between Their Knees," Ha Ha

We cats say: The Republican Party just committed political suicide.

Are Women Waking Up?

By Miss Kubelik

We cats heard the most amazing thing yesterday. Chris Matthews was discussing the recent birth-control-coverage kerfuffle with E.J. Dionne and Andrew Sullivan. Sullivan said that polls showed a clear win for the Administration. Matthews and Dionne cautioned that the issue could still carry political danger for the President — although they concurred that Obama may have picked up support from "women who care about contraception."

Yeah, only about 98 percent of all the women in America. Maybe Chris needs to get more females on his show.

Now, we cats are liberals, but we aren't the kind of radical feminists who seem to scare Rick Santorum so much. For example, we haven't given to the National Organization for Women since Eleanor Smeal claimed that Ronald Reagan couldn't possibly be worse than Jimmy Carter. (And we're not about to start giving to them now.) But we're wondering if it's possible that we'll look back on 2012 and say, gee, the Republicans shouldn't have pissed so many American women off.

That's because in just a short time, we've witnessed some remarkable events. We've seen the Susan G. Komen foundation implode under a tsunami of protest when they tried to cut funding to Planned Parenthood. And we saw President Obama outmaneuver the Catholic bishops while supporting Catholic women and families (in fact, all women and families).

Yet at the same time, here in Virginia, the House of Delegates has just advanced a "personhood" bill — not to mention another bill requiring transvaginal ultrasounds of women seeking abortions in the Commonwealth. (Yes, Virginia, your government wants to stick a probe inside you — and you'll have nothing to say about it.)

We cats, being fixed, rarely trouble ourselves with seeking birth control or abortions these days. But with these recent, high-profile fights about issues most Americans consider long settled, the country may finally be noticing something we've known for a long time: that the Republican Party has lost its mind.

While we're certain this will spell doom for the GOP in November, we still urge all women (and men) who "care about contraception" to show up at the polls this fall and toss these idiots out on their collective butts.

UPDATE, February 16: Two female members of Congress have walked out of Darrell Issa's hearing on contraceptive coverage today in protest that all the scheduled witnesses were men. Carolyn Maloney and Eleanor Holmes Norton thus refused to allow Issa and his fellow Republicans to cast the issue solely as one of "religious liberty" and not women's healthcare. Good for them! We cats PURR.

"A Thoughtful, Respectful Debate"

By Baxter

What a nice early Valentine. The Democratic Governor of Washington, Christine Gregoire, has signed that state's gay-marriage bill into law.

So on this 13th day of February in 2012, we have seven states and the District of Columbia. Slowly but surely, America — the country where, allegedly, anybody can grow up to be anything — is inching toward marriage equality.

We cats will not dicker about the details of the Washington law just now. Yes, we know it will not take effect for 90 days, and yes, we know that opponents are marshaling a petition campaign against it. Never mind that. We'll simply savor the moment — because you see, once the march toward progress begins, it can almost never be reversed.

One thing from today that amused us: A lonely, anti-marriage-equality guy in the happy, raucous crowd shouted "Don't betray Christ!" as Gregoire signed the bill. He was quickly drowned out.

We cats would just like to tell that person, whoever he was, that 1)., This is a matter of civil law, and has nothing to do with religion, and 2). Jesus Christ, whom we generally admire, never said squat about homosexuality. Squat.

Um, Don't-Betray-Christ Guy? Rudely shouting nonsense during a bill signing is not part of the (as Governor Gregoire put it) thoughtful, respectful debate that Washington State held on this important issue. So we cats say, STFU.

Let's Fight ALL The Old Culture Wars

By Zamboni

Feeling like you're in a time warp lately?

The members of the 2012 Republican clown college have apparently decided it's not enough to scream about that quintessential 1970s issue, abortion. Now they're turning the clock all the way back to 1960s with their inexplicable assault on birth control. (Is that a losing issue, or what? Only to be surpassed by that futile right-wing boycott of Starbucks. Yeah, that'll happen.)

Well, we cats say, "Chickenhawks, beware!" Because all this silliness has given us an idea.

If the Republicans insist on re-opening these ancient and long-settled cultural issues, we counter by demanding that the question of draft dodging be once again brought to the fore. No, we're not talking about Bill Clinton. Instead, we'd like to ask a whole passel of prominent Republicans who are old enough to have served in Viet Nam where the hell they were, and what the hell they did.

For example, what was that Dick Cheney said, about having had "other priorities" back then? How about Karl Rove? And don't forget Willard Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich, Mitch McConnell and Fred Thompson. (Not to mention the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived, who, as we know, spent the war flying reconnaissance over Iowa.) More recently, howzabout John Boehner, Roy Blunt, Jeb Bush, George Allen and Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum?

Don't rush to research these names, folks. The answer in all cases is easy: They did not serve.

Yep, we cats are ready to re-argue this question. We hope the chickenhawks are!

We Figured We'd Better Make Up a Song About Newt Before He Crashes and Burns for Good

I'm Newtie G. the First, I am,
Newtie G. the First I am (I am).

I've been married to two women before
But couldn't go to hospices, not — any more.

'Cause everyone had a malady! (Malady!)
Why should I deal with cancer or MS? (Or MS!)

Callista's my third, tempor-arily,
Newtie G. the First, I am.

(Second verse, different from the first!)

I'm Newtie G. the First, I am,
Gonna put the Spanish on the moon, I am.

Think I'll send the gays to go up there, too,
This way Earth is perfect for just me and you.

'Cause everyone is an enemy! (Enemy!)
Diversity's really just a drag. (It's a drag!)

My future has two terms, it's destiny.
Newtie G. the First, I am.

(MUSIC: Sung to the tune of "Henery the Eighth I Am," of course.)

(LYRICS: Actually, we can't claim them as our own. But see "Oh, How Sad" [photo, right].)

(IMAGE: Borrowed from this guy, who loves Nixon. Kind of appropriate.)

Lest We Furr-get: The Plane Truth About Women Who Fly

By Sniffles

Although we cats are delighted to see Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum mucking up the 2012 Republican clown college, we don't want to lose sight of the important fact that... well, he's a moron.

He's helpfully reminded us of that this week. With his "three-way" primary and caucus wins on Tuesday, and the subsequent media attention he's received, he's given a bunch of interviews — a few of which have turned out to be "oopsies."

Such as when he starts yammering away on something he knows absolutely nothing about: women in combat.

Right-wing crank and all-around bad writer Jennifer Rubin asked Santorum, for example, to clarify his remarks about how "emotions" could cause problems when it comes to women actually fighting in wars. His clarification was silly enough, but he couldn't just leave well enough alone. "'It's not a matter of putting women in dangerous roles,'" he tells Rubin. "Women are fully capable of 'flying small planes.'"

Ricky, Ricky, Ricky. Like most members of the home-school set, you probably have no idea that women in the military flew planes as far back as World War II. Quite big ones, too. (See above.)

They were WASPs (Women Airforce Service Pilots). They didn't fly in combat, but 38 of them died in the line of duty in 1943-44. They were tough, brave, patriotic dames, and they'd whup your sorry butt in about two seconds, Ricky dear.

Lest We Furr-get: Where Babies Were Birthed

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have generally been loath to spend time and space on the whole birther thing, since it's obviously a waste. Unless, of course, it's an opportunity to show how stupid the other side is.

Case in point: A judge in Georgia, the reddest of red states, has ruled that the President of the United States is a citizen of same.

Well, duh.

We suggest that Orly Taitz and the other mentally ill people who follow her train their fire on Willard Mitt Romney, whose father was born in a Mormon colony in Mexico.

Not because we think Willard is ineligible, but because these racist birther nuts seem to have a problem with parents born in foreign countries. Hey, if that concern applies to Obama, it applies to Romney, right? Equal opportunity prejudice, folks!

Tidbits and Cat Treats — Santorum Trifecta Edition

By Baxter

We cats hardly knew what fates we tempted when we wished for Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum to pick up a couple of primary/caucus states last night. We said "a couple" because we figured that hoping for all three would be, well, greedy.

But for those of us who love seeing the 2012 Republican clown college running around like chickens with their heads cut off, the results in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado were more fun than a giant catnip kicker (see above). Yum!

Our heads are spinning with election thoughts. So without further ado, here they are:

We find it fascinating that Willard Mitt Romney won Minnesota in 2008 but now comes in third. We're equally thrilled that while he carried 60 percent of the Colorado vote four years ago, he got beat by almost six points there last night. And the vote margin in Missouri was a jaw-dropping 30 points. Hubris, tsk!

Needless to say, how incredibly embarrassing and humiliating for big Willard endorsers Tim Pawlenty (Minnesota) and Roy Blunt (Missouri). Make room for them in the Nikki Haley Club.

We should add, though — because we dislike Pawlenty so much — that with 8,207 votes in Minnesota, Willard did far better in Timbo's home state than Timbo himself did in Iowa after four years of campaigning there. Pathetic.

Willard now has lost five of the first eight clown college contests. We cats find his definition of "inevitable" about as credible as the Bush Administration's definition of "Mission Accomplished."

On the Cute Headline Patrol, Le HuffingtonPost Quebec reports that Santorum's wins have given him a "tour de chapeau." For those of you not into French or hockey, that's a hat trick. 

But the best part of this morning's coverage was provided by NPR, which pronounced Ricky's sweep a "three-way."

Ooooh, Ricky, tell us more!

(PHOTO: CapesTreasures.com, Provincetown, Massachusetts)

And On Top Of Everything, It's Charles Dickens' 200th Birthday

By Miss Kubelik

We cats don't know about you, but we've had a very nice day. The Susan G. Komen foundation continued to crumble, and the America-hating Republican right kept up their outrage over Clint Eastwood's latest foray into advertising.

And of course, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals basically told the Mormon Church and its homophobic fellow travelers to take a hike. There are so many ways to celebrate this, but let's just say that the Family Research Council is not pleased.

So what could possibly put the icing on our cake? Well, howzabout if Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum wins a couple of states tonight? That would throw a monkey wrench in Willard Mitt Romney's plans.

With the Handel resignation and the tossing of Prop 8, the crazy, hating, nutbag base of the Republican Party has two very hot reasons to turn out for Santorum today. It could be Ricky's big break. We cats PURR.

UPDATE: We cats forgot to mention another possible motivator of the Santorum voters: the big contraception conflagration (gee, is it really 2012?). Our excuse is that it didn't cross our minds because, like all pets with responsible owners, we're fixed.

(IMAGE: Those people at Google are so clever!)

The Komen Katastrophe Kontinues

By Sniffles

Here's the latest on the Susan G. Komen debacle (the most stunning act of public self-immolation since this guy's in 1963). Anti-choice senior VP for public policy Karen Handel has resigned in a huff.

Of course, Handel is claiming that none of the Komen-Planned Parenthood disaster was political — when her quitting completely underscores the fact that it was.

Perhaps the SGK board decided someone had to take the fall for all this. They couldn't very well fire their founder, could they? (And Ari Fleischer might not have been a big-enough sacrifice — although any sane person would urge Komen to cut him loose, pronto.)

Or maybe not. Maybe they really are that stupid, and were bumbling around with a can of gasoline and a Zippo lighter for days until Handel decided to go all martyr-y on them. Who knows? However it happened, we're looking forward to reading what Handel's good friend Sarah Palin's ghost writer will have to say on her Facebook page.

This story is far from done. We cats urge any journalists looking for juicy follow-ups to start digging into Komen's 990 forms. What a treasure trove of information must await!

Osama Bin Laden Is Dead — And The American Auto Industry Is Alive

"The ad doesn't have a political message. It is about American spirit, pride and job growth." —Clint Eastwood

So we cats just want to know: Why do Republicans hate America?

Boys Will Be Boys

By Zamboni

The world is marking the start of Queen Elizabeth II's Diamond Jubilee. We cats would like to join the celebration, while at the same time acknowledge that in a constitutional monarchy, somebody usually has to die in order to have a change at the top.

So we'd like to salute Elizabeth's dad, who left us 60 years ago today — and who is somebody we're really glad ascended to the throne because... well, heck, at least he wasn't a Nazi sympathizer.

Let's also link him to Democratic politics by adding that Franklin Delano Roosevelt thought George VI was pretty cool. They got along famously well. Example: At one point on his 1939 tour of Canada and the United States, the former Prince Albert found himself alone with the 32nd President at happy hour.

"My mother thinks you should have a cup of tea," FDR said, presiding at the bar. "She doesn't approve of cocktails."

"Neither does my mother," said the King, gratefully accepting a martini.

On such foundations — conviviality, formidable mothers and strong drink — was fascism defeated and the free world saved. We cats PURR.

The Company He Keeps

By Baxter

So now that Willard Mitt Romney appears to be marching to the 2012 clown college nomination, it's fun to watch him jockey around the whackos who — thanks to the current sorry state of the Republican Party — he's had to buddy up to.

The latest: that wild and crazy endorsement from Donald Trump — which we had decided to ignore until Trump took complete responsibility for Romney's subsequent Nevada caucus win.

Coming less than a week after Willard axed the Bachmann debate coach who saved his sorry butt in time for Florida, this spin that Donald, not the candidate, won Nevada is great. Welcome to the wonderful world of birthermaniac control freaks, Willard!

And since other people seem to be doing so much of the heavy lifting for you, we're wondering what else you're not very good at. Singing, perhaps? We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Toxic Hominid. We cats must learn how to do stuff like this.)

"I Like Being Able To Fire People Who Provide Services To Me"

Republican martyr of the week: Brett O'Donnell, Liberty "University" debate guru and former Bachmann aide, sacked by the Romneybots for taking too much credit for Willard's Florida success.

(PHOTO: The Washington Post)

And Now, A Much-Needed Dose of Cute

 Meet the Toronto Zoo's newest polar bear. A 14-week-old baby boy — how sweet!

Komen Kaves

By Miss Kubelik

Forget nominating anyone else for Worst Case of Self-Inflicted Brand Damage Ever. The Susan G. Komen foundation wins it hands down, probably for the rest of the 21st century.

In case you haven't heard, the Komen Klowns have reversed themselves on their silly decision to defund Planned Parenthood. Surprised? Gee, it's only been a week of outrage, condemnation, and out-and-out civil war. Sorry, Republican establishment, teabaggers and other crazy right-wing fools: You're out. Komen saw the writing on the wall, and blinked.

However, the dilemma for them is that, like us, people will not be assuaged. The damage is done. There have been too many conflicting stories, too much early defiance, and too little contrition for Komen to ever be trusted again. Besides, their statement today was too smarmy and squishy to make us believe they've truly come to Jesus.

We cats will be very interested to see: A) whether Susan G. Komen's heavily Botoxed founder or their violently anti-choice vice president for public policy will resign, and B) how low the turnout for the next race for the cure will be. As Mitt Romney would say, "bet you $10,000" it's way, way down.

UPDATE: Yes, the Freepers are very upset about Komen's reversal. Most telling comment, which we love: "BTW, this is a nice preview of exactly what will happen with Romney on this issue, too." We cats PURR.

That Other Endorsement

By Sniffles

Here's more proof that teabaggers are amateurs. We know they hate Willard Mitt Romney. They'd rather die than see him get the Republican nomination. So why are they so slow to back someone else?

Case in point: It's absurd that failed Nevada Senate candidate Sharron Angle waited until this week to endorse Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum.

Angle is supposed to be such a righteous anti-abortion warrior. And she allegedly has a large, grassroots teabag organization throughout the Silver State (except, of course, for Sin City). Since Santorum's candidacy is all about controlling women's reproductive destinies, and since Angle's network is just what he'd need to compete with Romney and Ron Paul, why did she wait?

An endorsement days before the Nevada caucus is great for her media clips, but not so terrific for her 2012 clown of choice.

Imagine if she had endorsed Santorum the day after he came in second — whoops, no, won — Iowa. If she had, he'd be in great shape now in Nevada. It also would have been nice PR boost for him before New Hampshire swallowed him up. And maybe she could have persuaded him to skip Florida (a waste of his time and money), and concentrate directly on Nevada instead. Oh, well, we'll never know, will we?

We cats don't understand this strange lack of intense focus from people like Angle, who are supposed to be such niche fanatics. Perhaps... perhaps they don't really believe the stuff they say they do. In which case, they should all go work for the Susan G. Komen foundation.

(IMAGE: Don't ask us. We have no idea.)

And Now, A Few Words From the Marie Antoinette Wing of the GOP

"I'm not concerned about the very poor... That's not my focus."

—Willard Mitt Romney, February 1, 2012

"Well, this is bad. It...strengthens the stereotype of Romney as the patrician who is only aware of the poor as people who clean the streets and wash his car."

—Charles Krauthammer, conservative columnist

If Susan G. Komen Were Alive Today, She'd Be Spinning In Her Grave

By Zamboni

We cats don't do Facebook. But if we did, we'd post a comment there to Susan G. Komen for the Cure, as thousands of other Planned Parenthood supporters have.

Instead, we had to content ourselves with visiting the charity's website and e-mailing them directly.

Our message? That they obviously care more about opposing the Constitutional right to a safe, legal abortion than about helping poor women get screened for breast cancer. (We didn't save a copy of our note, but as we recall, the phrase "rat's ass" figured in it somewhere.)

So Komen's silly new vice president is anti-choice? Fine — who cares? Unless, of course, her personal views compromise the avowed mission of her organization. In which case, we think that the government should investigate Susan G. Komen for misuse of charitably collected funds.

And Willard Mitt Romney just said he's "not concerned about the very poor" because they have a "safety net." With fools like the folks at Susan G. Komen basing healthcare policy on rabid right-wing ideology, we cats beg to disagree.

UPDATE: It looks like a small civil war has broken out between the national headquarters of Susan G. Komen and its state and local affiliates. Good! We also like one commenter's idea of sending any Komen donations to Planned Parenthood instead.

UPDATE #2: Mayor Michael Bloomberg, bless your heart.