The apres-defeat Schadenfreude Festival continues: The Washington Post reports today that Willard Mitt Romney, adrift after losing an election he foolishly thought he would win, is trying to fill his unexpectedly empty days.
"Romney’s rapid retreat into seclusion has been marked by repressed emotions, second-guessing and, perhaps for the first time in the overachiever’s adult life, sustained boredom," the Post avers.
All righty, then! If Willard is bored, we cats have a few suggestions for him:
- Go on another Mormon mission — this time, to a country less glamorous than France.
- Travel the country on an "Official Mitt Romney Apology Tour To The 47 Percent."
- Volunteer in New Jersey for Hurricane Sandy relief.
- Join the military (finally!).
- Refile his tax returns and take his full deductions so he can pay less than 14 percent.
- Read all the binders full of women that his transition team prepared for him.
- Shock shelves at Staples. It's the holiday season — they could probably use the extra help.
- Deliver Papa John's pizzas. Maybe they'd let him include a flyer with each pizza that says, "Because you didn't vote for me, this pizza is costing you 15 extra cents."
- Since he once proudly touted his Michigan birth certificate, do gardening work for whichever Republican candidate he'll support in 2016.
- Start a tattoo-removal business.
- Design airplanes with windows that open.
- Work at a shopping mall, wrapping gifts.
1 comment:
This is brilliant. I find it infuriating that your clever posts like this are not in national publications.
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