"Stop The Week, We Want To Get Off"

By Sniffles

You'd never know it from reading the pundits, but the Republicans had another one of their famous Very Bad Weeks. Yes, Michele Bachmann is bowing out. But the crazy lady from Minnesota is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. Get a load of the other bad news that's landed on Rancid Pieface's doorstep these days:

Medicare's solvency has been extended, thanks in part to lower costs ushered in by Obamacare. (But never mind, Bachmann will spend the rest of her term in Congress trying to repeal it.)

The RNC picked an Anglo woman with an "Mc" in her name to direct their official outreach to Hispanic voters. Hm, that'll work.

They lost their hoped-for top recruit to run against Senator Mark Udall in Colorado.

Chris Christie toddled around with President Obama again.

They got bitch-slapped by Bob Dole and Olympia Snowe and by an Oklahoma state legislator who bemoaned the GOP's war on women and asked, "What happened to the Republican Party that I joined?"

Their plan for catching up with the Democrats' digital dominance got a big thumbs' down from Silicon Valley.

They've nominated a wonderful pair for Governor and Lieutenant Governor in Virginia — two totally off-the-radar, right-wing, inseparable Bobbsey Twins (as the Lieutenant Governor candidate has made very, very clear). And oh, yes, their candidate for attorney general says that Virginia women who miscarry should report their miscarriages to authorities — just, you know, in case.

Ann Romney is publishing a cookbook, and Willard said he'd campaign for GOP candidates next year Those Romneys just won't go away, will they?

Why Not? The Republicans Aren't.

The Democratic Party is now the party of Lincoln.

Cat Fight! Stephen Harper vs. Everyone Else

By Baxter

Have you ever wondered if the Republicans are trying to stir up shocking stuff in Washington because the economy is doing better? It could be. But hard as they try, they can't hold a candle to our friends in Canada — which suddenly has become Scandal Central.

A rotund Conservative Senator improperly bills $90,000 in political travel expenses to the government, and is personally reimbursed by the Prime Minister's chief of staff to obstruct an audit. Chief of staff "resigns." The equally rotund Conservative Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, is allegedly recorded on a cellphone, smoking crack and saying, um, rude things. The Mayor denies the video exists, or says that if it does, it's doctored, but calls reporters "maggots" and fires his chief of staff.

Sex, drugs and money. What's not to love?

The crack cocaine thing wasn't an issue in Parliament today, but the Senate expense scandal was a whole 'nuther story. We cats are sure that Stephen Harper woke up groaning this morning, because he knew that today's question-and-answer period was going to be a nightmare — as indeed it was.

Now, we cats are watching the Canadian equivalent of "Hardball with Chris Matthews," and we're thinking we should call a five-minute penalty for fighting.

Our immediate takeaways? Two things:

The Rob Ford scandal was present in the House of Commons this afternoon, if only as a sidebar. Because in between puffs on his crack pipe on that video, Stephen Harper's good buddy from Toronto allegedly called Liberal leader Justin Trudeau an anti-gay slur. Trudeau was one of Harper's tormentors today, and oh, by the way — not that it matters — he's not gay. (But Tories are haters. Just sayin'.)

Second, back when he was in the minority, Stephen Harper was one of the first Conservative leaders to impose message discipline on his party — the Rovian kind that the Republican Party used to be so good at. And gosh, it was evident today. If we cats had a loonie for every time Harper and his minions said they'd been "very clear" about the Senate scandal, we could buy a lifetime supply of tuna fish — or heck, maybe even the entire Baltimore aquarium.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: Memorial Day Edition

By Zamboni

We cats traveled to Canada yesterday and are still recovering from the journey. But we haven't missed the following news stories. Here are our thoughts:

So teabagger Governor Mary Fallin of Oklahoma, accepting all the federal largesse that President Obama had to offer, still feels she had to lash out at big, bad, awful Washington. Do we need to remind her that the FEMA she knew under the most recent Republican administration is nothing like the FEMA we have now, under the aegis of a President who believes in the good that government can do? Guess so.

Since when did Newt Gingrich become some sort of Republican eminence grise? It was only a year ago that everyone was laughing at him and his bubble-headed wife. Sometimes, we cats are tempted to agree with the famous quitter from Alaska — that the media are pathetic. Although for different reasons, of course.

This Memorial Day, famous Army veteran Bob Dole believes he no longer has a home in the GOP. Gee, Bob, ya think? Have you been stewing these past six months over that humiliating Senate vote on the disability treaty, and are just now publicly bleating your hurt? What took you so long? After all, there was never any question: Any Republican who worked with George McGovern to help craft the federal food stamp program would be run out of today's GOP on a rail.

Finally, speaking of George McGovern: We cats well remember how the Republicans vilified him in 1972 as an anti-American candidate of "amnesty, acid and abortion." How ironic, since McGovern flew 35 bombing missions over Europe in World War II. Unlike Dole, McGovern wasn't wounded in combat. But guys like them were a far cry from the Republican chickenhawks who sent thousands of Americans to die in fake, ginned-up war in 2003.

So, let's think of George and Bob— and John Kerry, and Max Cleland, and Chuck Hagel, and Daniel Inouye, and Charlie Rangel, and Joe Sestak, and Jimmy Carter, and John Glenn, and Al Gore — and say thanks, guys, for your service (military and public). We cats PURR.

And How Long Before We Find Out He Was Gay?

By Miss Kubelik

The Boy Scouts have half-stepped into the 21st century by voting today to allow openly gay youngsters to join. But once those Scouts turn 18? They're out. No gay adult leaders allowed!

Despite this ridiculous — and probably unenforceable — decree, we cats have decided to look on the bright side of life and say, hooray, Boy Scouts. Why? Well, because further change is inevitable — and oh, yes, the paranoid maniacs over at Free Republic are beside themselves, which always make us happy.

Poor Freepers. Couldn't they see this, um, coming?

Guess not. Here are just some of the gems they've posted in the last few hours: "The sodomites have won again!" "The Boy Scouts can go to hell." "The destruction of America is going full bore." "The Scouts have spit in my face." "The country has gone insanely liberal." And our personal favorite (not): "Gay is the new black, apparently."

We cats have a suggestion for the Freeps and all their racist homophobic friends in Angry World. On Tuesday, a far-right-wing gay hater named Dominique Venner walked into Notre Dame Cathedral in Paris and shot himself dead at the altar. He left a suicide note claiming that his opposition to France's marriage equality and gay adoption laws drove him to it.

We cats think this is an excellent idea. Not only did the Notre Dame suicide remove one of the most loathsome figures from French politics, it puts an interesting new spin on the term "pro-life"(which, since he was a traditionalist Catholic, Venner undoubtedly was).

So, have at it, Freepers! Since you're so upset about the Boy Scouts — and since goodness knows you love guns as much as you hate gays — please do man up, follow Venner's example and shoot yourselves.

In fact, we have the perfect candidates to get things started: Fred Phelps and his pathetic flock of fools at the Westboro Baptist Church.

Cat Fight! King vs. Inhofe vs. Coburn vs. Cole vs. Lukas vs. Lankford vs. Bridenstine vs. Mullin

By Sniffles

We cats were hoping that the Congressman from the Second District of New York would run into the senior Senator from Oklahoma in the halls of the Capitol today.

And punch him in the mouth.

That's because we saw the ever-creepy James Inhofe tell Chris Jansing on MSNBC that federal disaster aid to his tornado-ravaged state would be "totally different" from the Superstorm Sandy bill he voted against in January. Totally different!

If Peter King was watching, he must have blown a gasket, because we're not sure Congressman King's blood pressure has gone down since his colleagues took that despicable Sandy vote. (And kudos to Jansing for asking the question, by the way. Inhofe shouldn't be able to give a single tornado-related interview without having Sandy flung in his face.)

King calmed himself enough to give a gracious statement to the press today. "I don’t want to hold the people of Oklahoma responsible for what elected officials are saying," he said. Take that, Senator.

If it's any consolation to King, we cats think that what goes around may be coming around. The all-Republican Oklahoma Congressional delegation is split on whether any aid to their suffering state should be offset by spending cuts elsewhere.

Since the GOP budget hawks did not prevail in offsets for Sandy, Oklahomans could reasonably ask why their aid should be similarly held hostage (and possibly delayed).

This isn't a mere cat fight. It's more of a rumble. We cats PURR.

You Can't Hate The Funder If You Love The Funds

By Baxter

We cats have launched a petition at whitehouse.gov that our good friends in the Obama Administration probably find irritating — and that many of you may also think is in poor taste. But here it is: We're against any federal disaster assistance going to the state of Oklahoma.

We don't care how correct and concerned Rachel Maddow is being about today's tornadoes, and that Oklahoma's teabagger Governor has already asked President Obama for help, and that the President has promised it. We are sorry that our federal tax dollars are going to this cause.

Yes, it's about Superstorm Sandy relief. (Three of five Oklahoma Congressmen voted against it.) Yes, it's about the teabag vilification of a decisively elected Democratic President. Yes, it's about denial of global warming. And yes, it's about Oklahoma refusing $50 million in federal money to implement Obamacare.

They won't accept subsidies for preventive healthcare, but they want emergency relief? Sorry, but that logic escapes us.

(And as one of our more sympathetic correspondents has pointed out: If the roles were reversed — and the Rushoids and the Freepers and their Republican friends believed in climate change — just imagine what they'd be saying about God's message to people who built suburbs without basements in them.)

You know what? Oklahoma gets back $1.35 for every dollar it sends to Washington. If the Sooner State dislikes the federal government so much, we cats say, let our tax dollars go to pay for wildfire relief in California. Here's the petition if you'd like to sign it.

(IMAGE: Superstorm Sandy. And now, sequestration is wreaking havoc on victims of this storm. Thanks for nothing, GOP.)

Angus's Beef

By Zamboni

Wow, we can hardly stand on our little cat feet today. We've been hit with a wave of Harpergate resignations and revelations and accusations. Excuse us while we pick ourselves up and groom ourselves. (Okay, done.)

For those of you who do not breathlessly check Canadian media every day, news flash: On the heels of the resignation of Prime Minister Stephen Harper's chief of staff in the Conservatives' expenses scandal, two Tory senators have also called it quits.

From the Senate, you ask? Why, no. These fine folks have not had the decency to step down entirely from Parliament's upper house, despite their alleged respective financial improprieties. They've merely resigned from the Conservative caucus.

We cats say, big deal. We realize that we're talking about a parliamentary system here, but this strikes us as lame. So they're foregoing the free party-caucus breakfasts they get when Parliament is in session? Are they still voting on legislation, albeit as independents? We're not sure we'd want this Senator Mike Duffy guy (above), who bears a striking resemblance to Jabba the Hutt, deciding "yay" or "nay" on issues that affect our lives. Just sayin'.

Meanwhile, the NDP's ethics firebrand, Charlie Angus, is demanding the Royal Canadian Mounted Police open an investigation into the senators' expense reports, and Harper's top guy writing a check to cover them. "I am concerned that such acts may violate the laws that the RCMP is charged with upholding and enforcing," he said. Ya think?

We cats are leaving for Canada later this week. Should be fun.

Rolling Heads

By Miss Kubelik

You have to say this for Barack Obama: When he fires somebody, it's fast, and it's brutal. Kind of like a drone strike.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, on the other hand, has no such surgical precision. Just this past Friday, he said there was no way Nigel Wright, his chief of staff, did anything illegal by giving a glad-handing Tory Senator $90,000 to cover his inappropriately billed travel expenses. Nope, Nigel wasn't going anywhere.

Until today. Suddenly, poof — Nigel's gone.

Hmmm, resigning on a Sunday — on Victoria Day weekend, no less. And with a press release. Did the PMO think no one would notice? But of course, the written statement did rush to declare that Harper was not "advise[d]" on what Nigel was doing with his checkbook. That, they want you to remember.

We cats think Stephen Harper has a rough week ahead of him. Because if Nigel thought he could spare his boss some grief by skedaddling today — well, let's just say Wright was wrong.

Vive La France!

Yes, we know that the marriage equality fight in France has been riven with discord, but now it is the law of the land. And we'd like to think that freedom fighters like Rick Blaine would approve. So, let the destination weddings begin!

Umbrellas

By Sniffles

Is there anything more American than Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds with an umbrella? Singin' In The Rain is the iconic symbol of Yankee "pick-yourself-up-dust-yourself-off" ingenuity and spunk.

So why is the famous quitter from Alaska — not to mention the rest of the right-wing blogosphere — railing against umbrellas?

We'll tell you why: Because President Obama used one the other day.

What were we cats just saying about the Republicans jumping the shark? We're sorry, but getting sheltered from the rain is something that goes along with the office of President of the United States. It also comes with being the Queen of England, and Augusta golfers, and Winston Churchill.

We thought that the famous quitter from Alaska, hater of the "lame-stream media" that she is, would have instantly appreciated the fact that the President and the Turkish Prime Minister got umbrellas — while the press had to sit in the open, in the rain.

If this is not a perfect example of how over the top Republicans have gone, we cats don't know what is. Because this will continue to hamper the GOP in their anti-Obamaism, we cats PURR.

The Shark Has Been Jumped

By Baxter

Let us cats lead us all into a chorus of appreciation for the notion of restraint.

Why? Because the political arena has had precious little of it lately. And that's where we see the Republican Party shooting itself in the foot.

"If the GOP base is driven into scandal hyperdrive," reports Greg Sargent in The Washington Post, "it 'will strengthen the party factions most dubious about any compromises with Obama,' while weakening the influence of Republicans 'who believe the party must reboot to restore its competitiveness for the White House.'"

Translation: Instead of Obama being crippled by "scandals," the Republicans could further be roiled, divided between the base and Beltway — not just about how to respond to today's events but going into 2014 and '16 as well.

We cats find this delicious. Even though AP and the IRS raise some serious concerns, the GOP is hobbled. Why? Because they've cried wolf too many times. You don't go totally over the top on birth certificates, healthcare reform, debt ceilings, abortion, climate change, sequesters, etc., without paying the price for it later.

If, in the early days of the Obama Administration, the Republicans had only conducted themselves with decorum — if they had accepted the President's social invitations, and agreed to work with him, and adhered to the old rules of Washington politesse (instead of outright accusing him of being a Marxist-Socialist-Kenyan bent on America's destruction) — they might have some credibility today.

But they didn't, and they don't.

Therefore, Louie Gohmert railing against Attorney General Eric Holder yesterday was nothing but a clown show. Gohmert has no dignity — unlike Tom Railsback, Elizabeth Holtzman or Peter Rodino in 1974.

Michele Bachmann using the "I" word is an immediate joke. Who would listen to Michele Bachmann?

Republicans established their nutcase credentials well before any of these juicy "scandal" opportunities came to light. If they had behaved like serious human beings in the past, maybe the world would listen to them today. But, sorry. They've blown it. We cats PURR.

The True North Strong And Scandalous

By Zamboni

Goodness gracious, but the Beltway gang is in full scandal mode. We cats are already bored with the Republicans and their gleeful hand-rubbing. Thankfully, we see a President who's cleaning house and calling a sideshow a sideshow. We've also noticed that he's getting a little gray — but then, he knew that was going to happen when he ran in the first place, right?

Which leads us to wonder: How gray is Stephen Harper these days?

You'll never see this on American websites, but the Prime Minister of Canada is having a little scandal of his own. It seems that Mike Duffy, a rotund Conservative Senator, improperly claimed reimbursement from the government for expenses incurred while he was — whoops — on a political trip. When he was caught and asked to pay the money back — about $90,000 CDN — Duffy's bank account came up a tad short. So Harper's chief of staff, Nigel Wright, wrote him a personal check.

Gosh. There are so many things wrong with that, we cats can't imagine why a politico with even semi-firing synapses would think it would be okay. "This looks and smells like a cash payout from the Prime Minister's Office," said NDP MP Charlie Angus, hitting the nail square on the head. "This is as about as serious as it gets."

L'Affaire Duffy is still unfolding, but in the meantime, here are some Tory take-aways:

Watch what we do, not what we say. Harper's Conservative Party, ironically enough, blazed their way to victory back in 2006 by exploiting a Liberal scandal.

We're just a chip off the old Republican block. In Harper World, being in power means you can do whatever you want. Sort of like when Karl Rove outed that CIA agent.

Shades of Transvaginal Bob. Harper's team is trying to claim that Wright's check to Duffy was just a personal gift, no big deal. If that doesn't remind us of Bob McDonnell and the shady friend who bankrolled his daughter's wedding, we don't know what does. We cats HISS.

Musings On Minnesota: Maybe 50 States Will Approve Gay Marriage Before Global Warming Destroys Us All

By Miss Kubelik

This is so great: The marriage equality bandwagon rolls on. With Governor Mark Dayton's signature, the Land of 10,000 Lakes just became the 12th state in the country to say, geez, yah, let's treat everyone the same, no matter whom they love.

And it's a party! As reported by The New York Times, "Thousands of Minnesotans gathered and cheered in 90-degree weather [as] Mr. Dayton, a Democrat, praised the choices of state lawmakers as changing the course of history...."

Wait — what? Why is Minnesota having 90-degree weather in mid-May? They're practically in Winnipeg!

Let's hope we can solve climate change and survive to celebrate the expanding freedoms enjoyed by our friends in the LGBT community. In the meantime, though, although he lived in another era, we really do think that Minnesota's most famous son, Hubert Humphrey — a storied champion of civil rights — is smiling somewhere.

The IRS Did "What"?

By Sniffles

Disgusted at the IRS? We cats are. Not because we think anything evil has been going on, but because they're dumb. And because we're seeing more maddening fallout from one of the most horrendous Supreme Court decisions ever made: Citizens United.

Yep, you can thank Antonin Scalia, John Roberts, Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito and Anthony Kennedy for this one. Here's a quick refresher: These fine gentlemen (note our scratchy tongues planted firmly in our furry cheeks) overturned two lower-court decisions and said it was okay for the conservative group Citizens United to fund an overtly political film — a hissyfitty screed against a certain Presidential candidate. (That candidate was, of course, Hillary Clinton. You can't make this stuff up.)

Earlier rulings had gone the other way because as an ostensibly grassroots education and advocacy organization, Citizens United was forbidden from engaging in activities meant to influence elections. But thanks to the Supremes, it was now not only possible for Citizens United to do as it pleased, it meant that any crazy nutbag political group could form and spend zillions as a "charity" — with little or no transparency or accountability. Think Koch, think Rove — and oodles of other groups looking to evade tax laws and shelter the names of their donors.

As a result, in early 2010 the IRS was inundated with applications from organizations clamoring for tax exemption. Many of them were inspired with hatred and fury for Barack Obama and (at the time) healthcare reform, and had the words "tea party" in their names.

Call us cats apologists, call us naive, call us liberal losers — but we wonder why it would be inappropriate for the IRS to give special attention to organizations that take their names from a famous anti-tax demonstration. Just sayin'.

But, never mind. Our biggest beef with the agency is that — surprise! — they suck at vetting and oversight. In this ridiculous post-Citizens United world, with everyone engaging in everything you can imagine and in an orgy of political secrecy, the IRS should have put the brakes on everybody — everybody — applying for tax exemption.

(Oh, and note to Acting IRS Commissioner Steven T. Miller: It's best to avoid that Reaganesque "mistakes were made" crap. Your use of passive tense in this matter is contemptible and lame.)

UPDATE: Well, you wouldn't know it from the IRS website, but Mr. "Mistakes Were Made" is history. It's interesting to us cats that while most headlines on this side of the Atlantic gingerly describe it as Miller "being asked to resign," our friends in the UK immediately got it right: "Obama Fires IRA Acting Chief." Jolly good.

Whistling

By Baxter

Just in time for the IRS kerfuffle — which has evoked memories of Watergateish excess but, according to Carl Bernstein, shouldn't — Nixon White House veteran Pat Buchanan has crawled out from under whatever rock he usually lurks to prescribe a sure-fire remedy for today's GOP.

A return to the Southern Strategy. Hooray! America isn't divided enough, is it, Pat?

Now, we know what Buchanan's doing here. And we're happy to say that when you send a message that's laden with nasty code words only a certain group will get, it's not a "cat whistle." First, we cats don't respond to whistles. Second, Pat Buchanan's pronouncements, on whatever topic, have always been repulsive.

But he's just doubled down on the Republicans' biggest woe: They've become nothing more than a party of the Old Confederacy, and, as we've seen, that scenario doesn't have much longer to run. As long as minorities, young people and women can vote (and goodness knows the GOP is working on not letting them), state after state is falling out of the Republican column. States like Virginia, Texas, Florida — maybe even Georgia, soon.

The question isn't what the Democrats will say about this. It's whether Republicans will stay silent on this umpteenth example of a high-profile person sending a big-time dog whistle to the haters who comprise the party's loyal base. We cats HISS.

P.S. As for the IRS, we'll have more to say about that anon. But we sure wish they'd go after the Westboro Baptist Church instead.

Panic

By Zamboni

Goodness gracious. We cats never dreamed we'd be writing about this so soon after our former Secretary of State's retirement. But the terrified GOP has forced us into it.

Their obsession with "Benghazi" — that is, the day that Ambassador Chris Stevens and three others were killed at the US consulate in Libya —has reached such a crescendo that they're now arguing over edits to an internal memo. What an eye-roller. The administration's worst sin last September was that they misunderstood a fast-changing situation in a war zone. Without even a Presidential Daily Brief that they could ignore!

The Republicans don't give a rat's butt about Chris Stevens or the other guys who died that day. All they care about is trying to destroy Hillary Clinton before 2016.

You can tell, because not only is Rand "Look At Me, Everybody" Paul attacking her in Iowa (gee!) — but now Karl Rove has gotten into the act. American Crossroads has released a video to get us all worried about — what? A coverup. Oh, okay. But a coverup of what? Who knows?

This is all so inside baseball that we cats just have to wonder what will happen in a few months, when Hillary Clinton still ranks as one of the most popular politicians in America.

Wait, we know the answer: Karl Rove will have blown another swift-boatload of money on nothing. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: New text from Hillary: "Hey gop boys yr polls suck 4 u.")

When Is The Re-Vote On Independency?

By Miss Kubelik

So the worst Speaker of the House who ever served says that his freshman Republicans deserve a vote on Obamacare. Why?

Is this the new law of the land? That each incoming Congressional class gets to re-vote every major piece of legislation passed by their predecessors?

If that's the case, when are the re-votes on Social Security? The Civil Rights Act? Medicare? Medicaid? (Wait, don't answer that.)

When is the re-vote on women's suffrage? The PATRIOT Act? The US declarations of war against Germany and Japan?

We cats don't understand why is no one in Pundit World is pointing out 1) how unacceptably stupid this is, 2) how moronic and worthless is John Boehner, and 3) how his caucus is run by a bunch of angry teenagers who hate America.

(IMAGE: The cast of the Broadway musical "1776." Shall we re-vote all the Tonys they won?)

Haters

By Sniffles

The Heritage Foundation has spent the last 24 hours or so squirming over a guy called "Jason Richwine."

You've probably heard the story by now. Jim DeMint's new employer put out this silly "report" that predicted immigration reform would cost the U.S. trillions. And now it's come out that one of its authors — Heritage Foundation policy analyst "Jason Richwine"  — is a white supremacist. (Here's a link to one of the icky, far-right websites he writes for, although curiously, they seem to have taken his stuff down.)

We cats say, goodness gracious. Remember the Heritage Foundation in the good old days, before DeMint took over? Now, just a few short months later, the organization has managed to embarrass itself beyond description. Great work, Jim!

It's also, of course, another sure nail in the coffin of the GOP's attempts to appeal to Latinos and other minority voters. If Republicans hang out with (and publish) racists who openly proclaim Hispanics as less intelligent than whites, it's hard to see how states like Texas won't turn blue in the next 10 years.

But see, here's the deal. Jim DeMint and his crowd don't have the corner on conservative haters. They lurk everywhere. Take this recent story that you may otherwise have missed:

"The Harvard professor and economics commentator Niall Ferguson issued 'an unqualified apology' over the weekend for suggesting that John Maynard Keynes was indifferent to the long-term implications of his economic theories because Keynes was gay and had no children."

Our first reaction was: John Maynard Keynes was gay? Cool!

Our second reaction? That the people who pass for today's conservatives — even academicians like Ferguson, with reasonably solid reputations — are prejudiced jerks. And their ideology makes their academic work — guess what? — worthless.

Mark Sanford Won "What"?

By Baxter

We cats are almost never wrong. But once in a very blue moon, it happens.

See, we never dreamed that if you ran for Congress and you: 1) were deserted by your party, 2) were caught trespassing at your ex-wife's house, 3) published an incredibly narcissistic and self-serving advertorial defending said trespass, 4) foolishly "debated" a cutout of the current House minority leader, 5) claimed you "didn't hear" your opponent when she questioned your hike on the Appalachian Trail, and 6) brought your mistress up on the dais when you won your primary runoff, you'd be guilty of really, really bad campaign management.

Well, you wouldn't. At least, not in the First Congressional District in South Carolina. We cats HISS.

UPDATE: Looking back in the light of day, we cats have decided this election has proven one thing: that if you're a Republican, and you win the Republican primary in this very Republican Congressional district, you win the seat. Which means, guess what? Mark Sanford will have a slew of primary opponents in 2014. We guarantee it.

The First State Becomes The Eleventh State

God love Joe Biden. And happily, how long ago this interview seems — even if it's only been exactly a year.

Chris Christie Thinks His Health Concerns Are Private

By Zamboni

"It was nobody's business other than mine," Chris Christie told the press today. He was talking about lap-band surgery for weight loss that he — surprise! — underwent in February.

Nobody's business? We cats say, please. Chris Christie is Governor of the 11th most populous state in the nation. And in that position he influences the daily lives of nearly 9 million Americans. But his health is not a public concern?

Reasonable people beg to differ. We cats say this knowing full well that one of our favorite Presidents, John F. Kennedy, hid his Addison's disease and other maladies from the American people. It is no excuse to note (which we do anyway) that 50 years ago, Camelot was another time and place — one in which the press corps was much less vigilant than today. Kennedy was wrong then, and Christie is wrong now.

In an era of Twitter and Tumblr and Facebook and blogs, Governor Lap-Band cannot justify keeping his surgery secret — even if he doesn't run for President in 2016.

In the meantime, we cats continue to be amazed at today's Republicans' lack of respect for the concept of public service. They want all of the perks, but none of the obligations. Because disappearing for weight-loss surgery without a word to one's constituents is really no different from hiking the Appalachian Trail.

(IMAGE: Okay, we cats couldn't bear to run a photo of Christie, and we happen to be reading Hilary Mantel's Thomas Cromwell novels, so here's a pic of another fat guy with a sense of entitlement. Enjoy!)

Marco Rubio Says He Hasn't "What"?

By Miss Kubelik

Marco Rubio is pretending he's never heard of Florida's "resign-to-run" law.

It's the Sunshine State statute that forbids sitting Senators from running for re-election and for President at the same time. And why is this question being raised? Because for some completely inexplicable reason — Republican desperation comes to mind — Baby Marco is being talked about as a GOP Presidential hopeful in 2016.

But Baby Marco's Senate term is also up that same year.

"I haven't even thought about it, to be honest with you," Rubio tried to claim in an interview. "I'm pretty busy here..."

Really?

Rubio has already been to Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina, and hasn't given a moment's thought to a simple law that would leave him unelected in four years? Or — even more improbable — he hasn't had any fantasies about 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in 2016?

Marco Rubio is either stupid, naive or a liar. Although all three are distinctly possible, we'll go with liar.

Don Cherry Is A Republican

By Sniffles

Well, no, actually. He's a Canadian. But if the cringe-inducing king of the clownsuit wearers were to change his citizenship to the United States, he'd fit right in with the Grand Old Party.

Let us explain. Lately, Cherry's been peddling this insane idea that female sports reporters shouldn't be allowed in NHL locker rooms because guys run around in the altogether there. But guess what? It isn't true: "The reality is that there are no half-naked men in the locker room and no reporters of either sex are permitted in the shower or dressing areas" (emphasis ours).

But that doesn't matter to good ol' Don. He's continuing his great crusade.

Cherry's blatant fibbing reminds us of the Republicans and their fondness for half-truths and untruths. Latest case in point: New Hampshire GOP Senator Kelly Ayotte, who has told her constituents that she voted against the Toomey-Manchin background checks bill because "it would lead to a federal gun registry."

Sorry, Senator, but the bill would have outlawed a registry, not create one. Thankfully, Ayotte seems to be suffering some fallout from her vote and her lies. But we haven't seen her backpedaling, have you?

Maybe she should try for a spot on Hockey Night in Canada. Don Cherry's not getting any younger, you know.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: First Sunday In May Edition

By Baxter

We cats haven't posted in the last couple of days because we've been attending the NRA convention in Houston.

KIDDING. We actually can't think of anywhere we'd rather be less. But goodness gracious, just try to open a newspaper or read a political website without running into those crazy people. It's impossible.

On that note, then, here are some catty observations on that confab and other items in the news.

The good news for us Democrats is all these Republicans with 2016 stars in their eyes who are prancing across the podium in Houston: Rick Perry, Ted Cruz, the famous quitter from Alaska, Rick Santorum, Bobby Jindal, etc. That's great, you guys! Just keep reminding everybody that you're against the thing that 90 percent of America wants.

By the way, we cats find it interesting that the GOP and its NRA allies continue to scream about how guns aren't the problem — it's lack of mental health services. So, why won't Republicans expand Medicaid, which pays for the bulk of it?

Speaking of mental health, there's still quite a brouhaha surrounding John Ragan, that lamebrain state senator from Tennessee — who is, of course, a Republican — who wants teachers and school counselors to out gay students to their parents. Seems that a silly group with the misnomer "StudentsFirst" has chosen this very guy as its "educational reformer of the year" — and still hasn't figured out how to backpedal on it. (Although they claim they oppose Ragan's bill. Hm.)

Ahhh, Steve King: not running for Tom Harkin's Senate seat in Iowa. While we're disappointed that Republicans won't have another potential Todd Akin problem on its hands, we find it intriguing that this King nutcase is taking a pass. Between Harkin and Charles Grassley, Iowa hasn't had an open Senate seat in centuries. This should be the perfect opportunity for "next-in-line" elected officials like King to make the leap. Yet they're not. More proof to us cats that, no matter what the pundits say, Iowa, Minnesota and others are no longer swing states — and Republicans know it.

Lincoln

No, not that guy. The other Lincoln.

Governor Lincoln Chafee of Rhode Island has signed legislation legalizing marriage equality in the Ocean State.

We cats just want to remind everyone that Lincoln Chafee used to be a Republican. But he left his party because his party left him.

Sandra Day O'Connor Said "What"?

By Zamboni

There has been so much Republican crap flying around these last few days that we cats realize we may have fallen down on the job by not commenting on all of it. But, in our defense, we've been busy. Napping and grooming, don'tcha know.

Still and all, the protestations from Sandra Day O'Connor — lamenting the direction the Supreme Court has taken since her retirement — have been too rich to ignore.

Poor Sandy! Now that her husband has died, she apparently doesn't have anything better to occupy her time. So, she's started ruminating on her tenure at the nation's highest court, and has decided that the boys there (not the girls) are ripping her legacy to shreds.

But — including not taking the case of Bush v. Gore?? Goodness gracious. We cats would feel sorry for O'Connor, except for the fact that we feel sorry for ourselves — not to mention the rest of the nation.

And of course, there's this:

When Al Gore was projected to win Florida in 2000, O'Connor, at a dinner party, appeared very disturbed — because she wanted to retire, and she wanted a Republican President to replace her. "This [Gore winning Florida] is terrible," she said.

You know what? We cats think there's no place in Hell deep enough or hot enough for Sandra Day O'Connor. And if you won't take our word for it, ask the 3,000 people who died on 9/11 — or the families of the 4,000 service men and women who died in Iraq — or the hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians we killed in a needless war of Bush-Cheney's making. We cats HISS.

Ted Cruz Is Going To "What"?

By Miss Kubelik

News report: "Controversial freshman Senator Ted Cruz is considering a 2016 Presidential run."

Really? The last we cats checked, Ted Cruz was born in Canada. Of course, the Senator claims that he's an American citizen by virtue of the fact that his mother was. But if that excuses Cruz, it kinda takes the air out of the anti-Obama birther balloon, doesn't it? Those right-wing nuts can't have it both ways.

Hey: If the crazy base of the GOP ends up hoisting itself on its own petard  — and if the thought of a Cruz candidacy makes the Republican establishment have kittens (which we're sure it does) — we cats say, let Cruz run.