Maybe He'll Get The Seat Next To Helen Thomas

We cats announce that Baxter — ever the most intelligent, loving, well-read and intuitive of cat commentators — changed venues today. However, he will continue to post from the side of the angels. (All Democrats, of course.)

Romney Believes He Is A Victim, Refuses To Take Responsibility

By Miss Kubelik

The Washington Post is so desperate to shill for Dan Balz's book on Willard Mitt Romney and his pathetic Presidential campaign that the paper ran a very long excerpt in its print edition today. Ugh. We cats wish we hadn't seen that before breakfast.

But in case you're wondering if anything's changed in the World of Willy since November 6, 2012, the answer is: Not much. Romney is still revolting company — his wooden persona a total puzzle until you realize that's just what he is: a hollow, soulless shell of a man. Oh, unless you count the fact that he's now denying he ever said what he said about the 47 percent.

"Actually, I didn't say that," he brazenly declares to Balz. "That's how it began to be perceived."

Gosh. Aside from the fact that Romney is a lying sack o' you-know-what (as anyone who's seen the video knows), he and his handlers were obviously so unready for any blowback on his own idiocies that now he's left saying he didn't say what he obviously said.

See, here's the thing. A sophisticated Presidential campaign has something called "opposition research." And of its tenets is that you not only research your rivals' weaknesses — you explore those of your own guy, and be ready to answer for them when you're attacked.

The fact that the Romney operation was clearly surprised to be outed on stuff like the 47 percent and the Bain years is astounding. They'd had six years — from the time in 2006 when Willard first decided to run, to 2012 when the GOP grudgingly gave him its nomination — to develop responses for the less-flattering parts of his biography. Or the less-than-wonderful things he was sure to say.

We cats do not understand why journalists don't hold Silly Willy's feet to the fire on this question. After all, if he couldn't run a good campaign, why he could run the country?

Unless — unless... Willard and his imperious wife didn't let their team do that research. Because, of course, he was entitled to the White House, don'tcha know. Now, there's a thought.

"Your Winnings, Sir"

By Sniffles

Really? We're supposed to be shocked that:

• Liz Cheney is getting creamed by Mike Enzi in the polls?
• Halliburton destroyed evidence in the Gulf oil spill?
• Obamacare might actually work?
• Rand Paul is dangerous?
• Nobody likes Larry Summers?
• Steve King is a racist?

We cats have news: There's gambling going on in Rick's Cafe Americain in Casablanca.

The Age Of Whatever This Is

By Baxter

While enduring the unwanted, wall-to-wall coverage of the Anthony Weiner "sexting" scandal, we cats can't help but be reminded of The Age of Innocence — Edith Wharton's classic novel of a couple who were made for each other, but who nevertheless were hounded from polite society for conspicuously not consummating their relationship.

We're not saying that Weiner and his online paramours are doomed romantic partners from great literature. We're just reminding ourselves that in reality, Anthony Weiner hasn't done a thing. He's guilty of nothing more than wanting. His mistake was putting those desires — if Twitter and texts qualify as such — "in writing."

So, goodness gracious. Are we to the point where we're censuring people for expressing passion? With the royal birth this week, we cats are reminded that the House of Windsor's newest grandfather was once recorded comparing himself to his lover's tampon — and he probably will still become King of England when Queen Elizabeth dies. So, will Anthony Weiner have to forfeit his political future because he got his texting timeline wrong?

Apparently so. We cats are not huge fans of Weiner, but we have to admit that in the light of day, he's committed far fewer actual indiscretions than Bill Clinton. Yet unlike our feelings for President Clinton, we just want Weiner to go away. Why is that? Why are we not totally crushed by Weiner's sagging poll numbers, aside from the fact that we always suspected Christine Quinn would be the better mayor?

We realize we're asking more questions than we're providing answers. That's because human behavior is extraordinarily complex, and leaves us with myriad conundrums when we're trying to decide who should be elected to make important decisions in our behalf. We can only hope that we vote for people who have their public priorities — if not their private peccadilloes — under control.

In the meantime, although we're relieved not to be registered voters in NYC, we're tempted to forgive any transgressor who, Weiner or not, refrains from simultaneously lecturing the rest of us on how to live.

Which means we're waiting for the day we hear all the ways that Ken Cuccinelli has committed adultery. Don't worry — they're, um, coming.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: George Edition

By Zamboni

Today we're regretting that we aren't betting cats — because we would have made, if not a tidy sum, some kind of sum wagering on the Royal Baby's name.

We had this sneaking suspicion it would be George, the name that the present Queen's beloved father took when he ascended to the throne in 1936. We also think it's a subtle message from Her Majesty to the ignorant chattering punditheads who keep wondering aloud if she'll abdicate. And the message is this: Piffle.

Overall, it's turned out to be a bit of a George-ish day.

For example, the Georgia Senate race has just been jumbled by Michelle Nunn tossing in her proverbial hat. We cats are feeling very smug, since we brazenly called that race for the Democrats not long ago.

George Zimmerman has allegedly come to the rescue of a family in a car accident. Um-hmmmm.

George H.W. Bush has shaved his head in a show of support with a young cancer patient. Okay, that's nice — but it still won't make up for putting Clarence Thomas on the Supreme Court.

And George Clooney is single again! Please note: We cats did not list these items in order of importance.

Actually, We ARE Amused

By Miss Kubelik

Oh, nuts. The first heir to the British throne has been born since the laws of succession were changed — and it's a boy.

We cats assume it wouldn't be too churlish to say, well, bummer. (And goodness gracious: At 8 pounds, 6 ounces, that is one big baby!)

Well, never mind. Although we also are annoyed by all the errors that American journalists make when they report on stories like this — calling English people "Brits" is particularly offensive — we recognize that plenty of folks beyond the House of Windsor are interested.

And there's always this saving grace: A boy baby means that Will and Kate can't name it "Diana." And we sincerely hope that when it comes to hairlines, the kid favors Mom's side of the family and not Dad's. On that note, we cats PURR.

Panic In Cootchy World

By Sniffles

Did we say that Terry McAuliffe had a good debate this weekend, and Ken Cuccinelli had a bad one? We cats know all. Here's proof: The Evil Forces of Cootch have hired a new debate coach.

In case you're tempted to say "big deal," listen up. The debate was on Saturday afternoon — in the middle of summer, when everyone's either on vacation or running errands. It was streamed live, not broadcast. So, although we're pleased that Terry did well, we understand that in reality, no voters saw it. Yet the Cuccinelli campaign rushed to hire a new coach less than 24 hours later?

Our feline intuition tells us that the Cootchy pollster had his little dials strapped tight to his focus groups, and got some very bad news. And given that Republican pollsters are incompetent, we can only imagine what the real voter impression of the debate was, if this one said Cootchy bombed. Since we'd assume they were paying special attention to independents and women, the results must have been frightening.

Then again, hiring a debate coach whose real talent is teaching angry white men how to appeal to other angry white men probably won't help much in the general election. But who are we to second-guess the team that delivered Virginia's electoral votes to McCain and Romney? (Whoops!) We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: You could almost call them Biff and Happy.)

If Virginia Is For Lovers, Ken Cuccinelli Wants To Outlaw Everything They Do

By Baxter

We cats were very pleased with our Democratic gubernatorial candidate yesterday. At his first debate with Republican Ken Cuccinelli (who never met a fetus he didn't like), Terry McAuliffe said that Cootchy's neanderthal stands on women's and social issues made it difficult to recruit professional women from Silicon Valley to come work in Northern Virginia's tech corridor.

We cats PURR — because that's exactly what our owner said when she guest-posted on Friday over at The Rude Pundit. Terry, you have great taste in blogs!

But back to the debate. Not only was it a good one for our nominee, it was a not-so-good one for the Cootch — who, we remind you, was rammed down the GOP's throat by ducking a primary. (Even Washington Post right-wing airhead Jennifer Rubin thought that was a bad idea.)

First, Cootchy had to spend precious debate time saying he thought Governor "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell should consider resigning. Ouch! Then, he had to admit that in addition to denying women their reproductive rights, he also hates gays. Yes, he repeated, those darn homosexuals are "soulless" and "self-destructive."

We cats will cut Cootchy this much slack: If he was talking about Ken Mehlman, he was onto something. Kenny Boy, who helped elect the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived in 2004 by demonizing gay people — and probably inspiring a suicide or two in the process — is one of the most soulless people we know.

Maybe we'll get a chance to tell him so, when he comes to Virginia to campaign for the Cootch. What, you say? He's not? Well! Kenny Boy Mehlman might not be "self-destructive" after all — if he doesn't hang around with losers. We cats PURR.

(PHOTO: Saturday's debate. Who looks happy?)

The Front Row

By Zamboni

Presidents don't often make news at news conferences any more. Washington is so adversarial and scripted, administrations are so cocooned, and journalists so lazy that White House press briefings are no longer edge-of-your-seat events.

So to make headlines at such affairs, chief executives are often left to devices such as showing up unannounced, as President Obama did yesterday. We cats are not criticizing this. His comments on Trayvon Martin were not only necessary, they were even more thrilling and thought-provoking than they might otherwise have been, because we did not know they were coming.

Kind of ironic, then, that the day after this remarkable occurrence, journalist Helen Thomas dies. Many, many times in days more quaint, it was Helen Thomas who asked the questions that forced Presidents to make news. The Washington Post lists several of them in its Thomas obit today, and to our vast regret the Post (a shadow of its former self, we might add) does not also print the answers those Presidents gave.

We cats have written about Helen Thomas twice before. Three years ago, we blasted her for the Gaza comments that ended her distinguished career. In 2008, we said that she was one of only a handful of journalists who deserved the wall-to-wall obits that Tim Russert got when he died. We'd write both posts all over again — word for word.

We're sorry that the obits we're reading today have that awful paragraph about what Helen said in 2010. But even if she hadn't messed up so badly, we're pretty sure she won't receive plaudits of Russertesque proportion in death. Although she was brilliant, fearless and barrier-breaking, she was 92, a woman, and not pretty enough to be on TV. And she doesn't have a not-ready-for-primetime son who's being promoted and protected by MSNBC.

When We Americans Have Our Trayvon Martin Conversations, We Should All Invite This Guy

Women Get Rude

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are big fans of The Rude Pundit, so we were sad when we heard he'd be on a well-deserved vacation this week. But then he opened his site to bloggers from around the country eager to trash the Republicans on abortion and women's rights, which made us glad.

And then, we got even gladder — when he asked the person who opens our cans of Fancy Feast and who changes the bag in our Litter Genie to contribute, too. Talk about making us PURR!

You'll find her and her fellow guest posters here. After reading them all, if you're feeling madder than a wet cat, contribute to NARAL Pro-Choice America here, and send some money to Planned Parenthood here.

Tata Madiba

American pollsters frequently ask U.S. voters which presidential candidate they'd like to have a beer with.

We cats observe Nelson Mandela's 95th birthday today, knowing that although we'd love to meet him, we are not worthy to be in his presence — with or without the beer.

Visions Of The Future

By Sniffles

Gosh, with all the headlines lately about how Obamacare is benefiting ordinary Americans, the Republicans and their enablers are sure going full steam ahead in response.

This pathetic post from The Fiscal Times is only one example. Here's their schtick: Employers hate Obamacare. So they won't hire new full-time workers, and may eliminate some full-time positions — instead, creating part-time positions, and not working the people who fill them enough hours to allow them to qualify for healthcare coverage.

We cats call piffle on that. Because even if that happens in the short term, here's what will happen in the long term:

• Those part-time employees will be able to get subsidized coverage through their state health exchanges.
• Since Republicans are admitting that, even if they're only part-time, Obamacare will create new positions, those jobs will offer a lifeline for the unemployed and the underemployed, who will be able to potentially take on another part-time job.
• Those additional jobs will put money in the hands of low-income wage earners — which will help spur economic activity, because those wage earners will spend, not save, that extra cash.
• That, in turn, will lead to more hiring. And folks who were previously unemployed, but who now are getting current job experience (and new job skills), will become more desirable employees.
• As hiring picks up and the number of people seeking jobs ticks down, the pressure on employers to make their jobs more attractive will increase.

Bottom line? Barring a new economic meltdown, we cats think we'll see more unemployed working in some capacity, more people who want to work working, more pressure on companies to offer competitive pay and benefits, and more wage earners spending more money and putting more ooomph into the economy.

Maybe we cats have stars in our eyes, but we see a whole lot better than humans do. Especially right-wing humans. So thank you, Obamacare. We cats PURR.

Memo To Liz Cheney: Avoid Cliches Like The Plague

By Baxter

Who is advising Liz Cheney? Her Senate campaign announcement video doesn't have an original thought in it. 

Here's just a snippet. (Fair warning: We cats are expert nappers, so if you're operating heavy machinery, we advise you to stop reading now. But if you're having trouble sleeping these days, dive right in.)

"We can get our nation back on track... President Obama and his liberal allies will try to stop us every step of the way. But if we fail to take up this challenge... our very freedoms will be at risk... I believe deeply in the values that have made our state and our nation great...  [I]t is necessary for a new generation of leaders to step up to the plate... [W]e can no longer afford simply to go along to get along. We can’t continue business as usual in Washington... [W]e are taxed more than enough already... Wyoming needs a strong voice in Washington, someone who knows how to get things done and isn’t afraid to fight for what’s right."

-->

We cats *snore.*

Cat Fight! Liz Cheney vs. Mike Enzi

By Zamboni

Wow, the daughter of the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived (If Indeed He Were A Person) has announced her candidacy for the US Senate from Wyoming — the same day that the Cowboy State's incumbent Republican Senator, Mike Enzi, has announced his. As Rick Perry would say, oops.

We cats are having a hard time seeing a downside to this. Liz tossing her SS helmet into the ring means that a wad of Rocky Mountain GOP money will now have to go to Wyoming instead of Montana and South Dakota. And a bunch of other states — like North Carolina or Iowa — could get shortchanged by the RSCC, too.

As if that weren't fun enough, this cat fight is sure to expand to include ambitious young whipper-snappers like Rand Paul, who has already taken Enzi's side.

Wyoming Democrats, the ball's in your court. Please nominate somebody, in case both of these scrapping Republican candidates completely self-immolate. In the meantime, we cats PURR.

S'Wonderful

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have occasionally opined on how Republicans are turning the states they control into places nobody would want to live  — passing laws hostile to unions, teachers, women, minorities, poor people, and anyone who wants to learn science, not fantasy, in their public schools.

Add "stand your ground" laws to that list. And now we're seeing the unhappy fruits of the havoc that Marion Hammer, the Koch brothers and Jeb! Bush have wrought: Stevie Wonder is boycotting Florida.

The music legend will refuse to set foot in the Sunshine State, or any state, in which "stand your ground" lets people shoot first and claim self-defense later. Unfortunately, that's a lot of states. But for obvious reasons, we don't blame Stevie for starting off with Florida.

In fact, we think a boycott of "stand your ground" states could be exactly the right response. After all, if liberal performers really cared, the only live acts you'd see in, say, Kansas would be Ted Nugent and Ozzie Osborne. (And they'd be arrested there for drug possession.)

So, we have a few suggestions for what should happen next: Let's see "The Book of Mormon" bow out of the Broward Center next season. NFL players tweet resentment about playing the Dophins, the Bucs and the Jaguars at home. Authors pulling out of the Miami Book Fair. And no sports champs ever celebrating at Walt Disney World.

But if that's not your cup of tea (or your bowl of milk), you can always support "Justice for Trayvon" by showing up at one of these.

(P.S. We cats couldn't help noticing that Wonder issued his boycott-Florida statement from Quebec City, where he was performing and where "stand your ground" does not exist. Lucky Canadians.)

We Cats Have A Suggestion For The Next Ex-President Barack Obama Should Invite To The White House

Would this be so difficult? Not only has Jimmy Carter been proven right on Iraq, energy conservation, voting rights and more, but he's won the frickin' Nobel Peace Prize. Which is more than any Reagan or Bush has ever done. Again, just sayin'.

Giving Glenn Heartburn

By Sniffles

We cats are liberals. But if there's one thing we can't stand, it's liberal losers. Lefties who will cut off their own noses to spite their faces. Political bedfellows who, turning a blind eye to Republican extremism, insist that Democrats who aren't perfect are just as bad as the GOP.

So, oh, thank goodness: One of the giants of journalism has publicly reprimanded our not-good-friend, the ever-cranky Glenn Greenwald. After Greenwald exulted in NSA brat Edward Snowden's ability to bring the US to its knees, Watergate legend Carl Bernstein said this:

"That's an awful statement. It's one thing to say that Mr. Snowden possesses some information that could be harmful, and that could be part of the calculation that everybody makes here. It's another to make that kind of an aggressive, non-reportorial statement [that] a reporter has no business making."

Amen, Brother Bernstein. See, we cats have tussled with Greenwald before. After figuring out that he couldn't even take pleasure from President Obama's Nobel Peace Prize — even though it was a total rebuke to the George W. Bush crowd whom he hates — Glenn Greenwald was nobody we'd want to have a can of Friskies with. Or a beer.

Glenn, you're gay. Time to start acting that way. Find some joy somewhere. Understand that issues aren't always black and white — see the nuances, explain the intricacies, find the fabulousness. We know you can do it.

But if for some reason you can't, STFU. Because you're a pain in the ass, and you're giving the Freepers ammunition. Just sayin'.

Be Careful Out There

By Baxter

George Zimmerman has been acquitted of killing Trayvon Martin, who committed the unforgivable crime of Skittling While Black. And we cats HISS — because we know who's really to blame for Trayvon's murder.

Zimmerman? He's just a tool. It was Marion Hammer who put the gun in his hand, the Koch brothers and ALEC who gave him the ammunition, and Jeb Bush who pulled the trigger.

And the GOP has probably already booked a speaking slot for Zimmerman at their 2016 convention.

In the meantime, for those of you who live in "stand your ground" states like Florida, Texas, South Carolina — and even Maine, Massachusetts and New Hampshire — we suggest that you Be Aware Of Your Surroundings. Some goon with a gun may not like the way you look.

Republicans: Guns For Protection Okay, Feminine Protection Totally Not

We cats will have more to say about the GOP's war on women next week. But in the meantime, now that the Texas Senate has passed Rick Perry's draconian abortion bill, we have a suggestion. Going forward, angry citizens should greet Republican politicians at events like town halls by pelting them with tampons.

(IMAGE: Armed and ready!)

Even Jimmy Stewart Would Be Spinning In His Grave (If He Were Alive Today)

By Zamboni

Just as the two terms of The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived and his partner in crime, The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived If Indeed He Were a Person, made us yearn for the comparatively benign years of Richard Nixon — today's House and Senate Republicans have us begging to go back to the days of Bob Dole as Senate Majority Leader. Or even Newt Gingrich as House Speaker.

After all, goodness gracious. Both those guys were awful in their own respective ways, but — at least stuff got done. The wheels of government continued to turn, jobs were filled, services were funded. Filibusters were a rarity, and dramatic — something special, like in a Frank Capra movie. Ideology was not injected into the most basic of programs, like food stamps.

Today, House Republicans think that Americans going hungry is no longer important, so to please agribusiness, they pass a farm bill with SNAP stripped out of it. And Senate Republicans have abused the filibuster to such an extent that Harry Reid is ready to push the button and declare nuclear war.

As frustrating as all this is in the short term, in the long run there may be some silver linings. First, we cats suspect that former GOP Presidential nominee Bob Dole is mighty mad. We've never been big fans of the guy who coined the term "Democrat wars" (and probably permanently enshrined the pejorative adjective "Democrat" in the English language). But after being rejected on the ADA treaty, and now seeing his food-stamp legacy shredded, Dole must feel the Republican Party has left him. Little wonder that Elizabeth Dole is hinting that Hillary's the one to beat in 2016.

Second, it is clear that the American people blame the GOP for Washington's major malfunctions. That, coupled with their ticking demographic time bombs and their insistence on taking right-wing positions that nobody agrees with, bodes ill for Republicans' ability to elect future Presidents.

But we cats wonder if it has not dawned on the Republicans that they could be doomed in, say, the Senate as well — not just to a permanent minority status but to a pathetic permanent minority status. They've already lost the seats from states like Virginia, Colorado, Minnesota and New Mexico; they don't have a firm grip on North Carolina; they're gonna lose Georgia and Arizona next time around (our fearless prediction). And who knows what will happen to wild-eyed characters like Ted Cruz as Texas turns more and more purple?

All of which makes the GOP's filibuster abuse even more short-sighted and incomprehensible.

We cats would PURR, but we hate political stupidity. So we'll narrow our eyes, look askance, and switch our tails instead.

(IMAGE: Bob and Elizabeth Dole (r.), having a sad as they watch the disabilities treaty implode)

And We're Not Even Gonna Mention That His Stupid Drunken Son Got Arrested

By Miss Kubelik

Well! This Transvaginal Bob McDonnell scandal thingie is rising to amazing new heights, so we cats figured it was time we weighed in. Especially now that pundits are piling on and demanding not only his answers but maybe even his resignation.

To which we cats say, No, no! We're having too much fun for this to end. And besides, with a perfectly reasonable Democrat running against a right-wing maniac for Governor this year, we have no desire to upend that race. (What we would like to see is Ken Cuccinelli having to defend Virginia's same-sex marriage ban in an election year. But we understand that's in the works, so, hooray!)

But back to Transvaginal Bob. We cats said "amazing" in our first paragraph not because we're surprised at McDonnell's crookedness and hypocrisy. Ever since John Mitchell said "Watch what we say, not what we do," we expect that kind of behavior from the GOP. What's astounding is the breathtaking bush-league-yness of it all. Rolexes? Clothing sprees? Wedding food? Cash? This is the kind of stuff penny-ante criminals do. How embarrassing.

For us political junkies, though, there's really only one important question: How much did the Romney campaign know about this when they were considering Transvaginal Bob for Vice President? When everybody was all a-flutter that Bob and Maureen might be standing on that red, white and blue dais with Mitt and Ann? When Transvaginal Bob was enjoying the kind of fawning press that painted him as the Republicans' next big swing-state hope?

Our guess is, not much. See, although the Democrats haven't been perfect down the years, the GOP isn't known for vetting their veeps very well. We cats PURR.

Making Mark's Day

By Sniffles

"If there's anyone out there that has never said anything that they wish they could take back," Paula Deen implored, "please pick up that stone and throw it so hard at my head that it kills me."

Ms. Dean, if you're ever in the same room with the famous quitter from Alaska, get ready to duck. Because Sarah Palin has never regretted any of the profoundly stupid things she's said.

The latest is this ridiculous hint that she may run for Senate next year. As has been pointed out before we've taken pen in paw this evening, what piffle. We're just amazed that the punditocracy continues to take anything this woman says even halfway seriously.

And how mad are Mead Treadwell and Joe Miller? As nutty as those guys are (and that's plenty), they must be furious that the famous quitter has suddenly sucked up all the attention in the race and — more important — frozen the money. Because that's what happens when an idiot like Sarah Palin gets a question she wasn't prepared for and just blabs away.

Are we complaining? No way! We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Mark Begich, smiling.)

Dormez-Vous?

By Baxter

We cats have never understood why American media don't much cover Canada. Sure, the news there can be — pardon our pun — provincial. But what happens in the True North, our largest trading partner, can have a startling effect on U.S. policies and programs.

(A happy sidebar to this pathetic state of affairs is that someone creative managed to make a profit out of Americans' ignorance of Canada. Good on them.)

But meanwhile, a story has emerged that is neither provincial (although it happened in Quebec) or paltry. A runaway train ferrying crude oil has incinerated a small town called Lac-Megantic — and even before all the bodies have been collected, the fossil-fuel industry and its friends in high places have been hinting at the dangers of rail.

Surely, they have begun to posit, a pipeline would be safer.

Would it? We cats are unconvinced. Rail is one of the safest forms of land transport, and this incident has all the hallmarks of bizarre freakishness. But trust Prime Minister Stephen Harper, The Calgary Herald and other fans of big oil to already start the drumbeat: Keystone, Keystone, Keystone. (Of course, abandoning fossil fuels in favor of clean energy like solar and wind is the answer — but we realize this will not be accomplished tomorrow. So we're left with this nagging pipeline debate.)

We cats have taken heart from President Obama's recent caution on Keystone. But in the wake of this disaster in a tiny village that no one had ever heard of in Quebec, we fear that Harper is burning up the phone lines to his friends in Washington — and that the Keystone promoters will use this horrific accident to make their dreams a reality.

Unless Americans wake up and realize what's going on. Will they? We cats don't know whether to HISS or PURR. Stay tuned.

P.S. We haven't even touched on Mexico in this post. That was deliberate. Americans' ignorance of our neighbor to the south, and the fallout thereof, is so overwhelming that it makes us dizzy. In fact, please pass us the tuna-flavored smelling salts. Thank you.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: Townie Edition

By Zamboni

We cats have have returned to the land of E Pluribus Unum to find the Washington, D.C. chattering classes agog about some new book that dishes dirt on Beltway types.

Sheesh. If this tome isn't completely emblematic of the capital's narcissism, we don't know what is. But okay, we'll bite. Here are our initial takes.

Are we supposed to be surprised that Ed Henry of FOX "News" gives everyone the cheaps and that Darrell Issa is a crook? Please.

Andrea Mitchell is the perfect example of how the media can't cover newsmakers they're friends with. And we don't care how many times Rachel Maddow has Mitchell on her show and compliments her on her "great reporting." It makes us hack up a hairball.

We're sure that Mark Kirk knows all about makeup.

Who is "Tammy Haddad"? And why should we care?

Finally, we'd like to know why Hillary Clinton's "F--- the White House Correspondents' Dinner" retort is supposed to be "shocking." We cats have been saying that for years. Good for you, Madam Secretary!

A July 4th Quickie

By Miss Kubelik

We cats spent this Independence Day outside the United States, but we had a nice little patriotic experience anyway.

Temporarily double-parked on a busy Canadian street, we were guarding our car — which, like the one above, still sports an Obama-Biden bumper sticker (or two) — when a local resident who was standing nearby and smoking a fragrant cigar saw us, approached, and said,"Happy July 4th."

We cats thanked him. And we're sure he never would have done that if The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived was still President. Just sayin'.

Paul Ryan Proves That Same-Sex Marriage Leads to Bestiality

America is doomed!

The "Freedom Party" Isn't Free

By Sniffles

When they haven't been exploding in rage over the Supreme Court's decision on marriage equality this past week, our good friends over at Free Republic are simply salivating over the possibility of Sarah Palin leaving the GOP to start a "Freedom Party."

Ooooh, we cats would dearly love that, too. But we have bad news both for us and for our friends the Freeps: Not gonna happen.

First, as we all know, with the exception of her pregnancies the famous quitter from Alaska is not known for carrying things to term. But more important, starting a third party takes round-the-clock hard work, a knack for organizing, and a ton of money. So before we cats get Chris-Matthews-type thrills up our legs, we wanna see the fundraising plan and the campaign budget first.

Here's what the quitter and her Freeper fans need to understand: It costs about $1 billion to run for President these days. (Just ask President Obama and Willard Mitt Romney.) Which means that the "Freedom Party" will need a whole helluva lot more money than Palin has in her "SarahPAC" account. For example, if 100,000 Freeps and teabaggers each gave $100, that's only $10 million. A start, but way short of a billion. And how many Freeps have a hundred bucks to toss away?

It also takes organization. Without an established political party apparatus behind it, the "Freedom Party" will have to start right now to get on the ballot in all 50 states in 2016. That means recruiting millions of volunteers to get zillions of signatures — more signatures than required, to be on the safe side — all of which need to be legal and not fake, and and all of which will need to be submitted by a plethora of deadlines. Is the famous quitter up to that?

Heck, OFA had 2 million volunteers to re-elect the President last year. We cats figure Palin will need 5 million.

Long story short, it's not as easy as the famous quitter thinks. Much harder than flying in and out of major metropolitan areas to appear on the local FOX stations with a wink, a new hairdo and $800 eyeglasses. It takes work — not something Sarah Palin is known for. Sorry, Freeps!