Tidbits and Cat Treats: New Year's Eve Edition

By Sniffles

We cats generally dislike New Year's. Instead of partying, we prefer to enjoy a big early meal and then head home to snuggle in for a safe, comfy evening. But even though the snow is flying in Montreal, and the Canadiens are on the TV, a few headlines are still getting our attention and generating thoughts. Here they are — and happy 2014!

The state of Utah is so freaked out about joining the ranks of marriage equality that it's asked the US Supreme Court for help. This is interesting for two reasons: First, Utah has already been turned down three times by the US Court of Appeals for the 10th Circuit. Second, they've had to appeal to Justice Sonia Sotomayor, who is assigned to the 10th. Gee — we think Justice Sotomayor is already pretty busy tonight.

Awww, that little CPACker we met at Union Station a couple of months ago must be very sad. A Florida law mandating narcotics tests for welfare recipients was struck down today as unconstitutional. Just another example of how the right wing doesn't mind government interference when it comes to sex, drugs, and (maybe even) rock n' roll.

Meanwhile, felicitations to the 2.1 million Americans — and counting — who, thanks to the Affordable Care Act, will get health coverage in 2014. To the tune of Ronnie and Mommie Reagan's favorite song, "It's very clear / Obamacare's here to stay."

And ya know, we hate to stir the pot, but we think Dean Obeidallah was right: The adopted grandkid really does make the Romney family look like the Republican convention.

Finally, while we usually use paw prints (or reindeer tracks) for Tidbits and Cat Treats, we would like to close out 2013 with this most excellent photo of three Presidents and a First Lady walking through the Lincoln Memorial on the 50th anniversary of the March On Washington. Despite all the trials, tribulations and Republican misbehavior that the nation had to go through this year, we cats Still Have A Dream. Sleep tight, everyone.

Hooray For Bad Karma

By Baxter

Yes, we know we're not a sports blog. But we cats remember asking once why we should care anything about football. The object of our ire at the time was Michael Vick, who was convicted of illegal gambling and animal abuse. Now, we wonder why we should be excited about a sport that rewards an accused rapist with the Heisman Trophy.

But maybe there's divine payback, even in the NFL. The Washington, DC football team just finished its season 3-13. This also happened to be the year that the campaign against its racist name reached a welcome crescendo. We cats sincerely hope that, come December 2014, the team will be called something else.

Is it fair? Who cares? Despite its current sad-ass record, the franchise has zillions of fans, is worth truckloads of dollars, and is not going out of business any time soon. Changing its name will not hurt it in the least. The Washington Wizards have survived just fine without a moniker that evokes gun violence and urban mayhem.

And besides, it's the right thing to do. Unless the Redskins want to keep courting the wrath of the gods — in which case they can prepare for a lot more 3-and-13 seasons.

Swiped

By Zamboni

We cats haven't shopped at Target since CEO Gregg Steinhafel spent company money on a known gay-hater and right-wing whackjob, Tom Emmer, in the 2010 Minnesota gubernatorial race. We had to punish Target for assuring us that they were a socially responsible and progressive company when — oops! They weren't. (Happily, Emmer lost to Democrat Mark Dayton. But as far as we know, he's still a hater and a whackjob.)

Today, however, our Target boycott has richly rewarded us, because — well, you know the 40 million reasons why. And to make matters worse for the folks who still shop there, after assuring hacked customers that their encrypted information was safe, it turns out that Target, um, lied. All of which has sent its brand favorability plunging.

So we're feeling very smug. On the other hand, we're not so pleased that A&E, after taking a principled stand against a racist and homophobe on some silly duck show, has reversed itself and decided not to suspend the guy after all. Why did they even bother to take him off the air in the first place? If it was to goose (pun intended) the ratings up, we cats hope that, Target-like, A&E's actions will come back to haunt it in the form of a long, torturous ratings slide in 2014.

Ah, well. Someday, little kittens, all companies will suffer as Target has for hating their potential customers. We don't know when that will happen, but we promise you that, eventually, it will. In the meantime, though, there are even "great places to work" that haven't yet seen the light. Which makes us cats HISS.

Getting A Gun For Christmas Should Only Happen In The Movies

We cats don't understand why anyone should care that Santa brought "Nikki Haley" a Beretta this year. But it's unbelievably gauche to tweet about that at the same time that the Newton police file is released.

Corbett's Katrina

By Miss Kubelik

Well! It turns out that Republican Governor Tom Corbett of Pennsylvania might be known for something even more repugnant than restricting voter rights and giving women unnecessary ultrasounds. Yesterday, he let the good citizens of the Commonwealth drive on unsafe roads.

We cats were — thankfully — traveling in the opposite direction of two huge chain-reaction pileups, first on Interstate 81 and then, after we bailed out from 81, on Interstate 78. And although we didn't see it, there was another one on the Pennsylvania Turnpike: dozens of cars slamming into each other, others skidding into ditches, tractor-trailer trucks jackknifed, and ambulances and other emergency vehicles caught up along with everybody else in the miles-long backups.

Why? We'll tell you: The roads weren't treated. The Pennsylvania highways we traveled were slick and slippery, with lethal strips of pounded-down snow caked along the center lines and more snow coating the shoulders in dangerous slabs. Scary!

The only thing we can think of is that Corbett — who, as a Republican, doesn't believe in government, taxes or public works — declined to pay state workers triple-overtime on Christmas night and Boxing Day morning to salt and sand the roads.

We'll be interested to see whether anyone in the media, or anyone caught up in yesterday's highway cauchemar, will ask why the Keystone State was allowed to become a disaster zone yesterday. But it was pretty clear to us: If Corbett had to sign an executive order to get the road crews out there, he refused to use the pen in Pennsylvania.

(IMAGE: This AP photo doesn't begin to capture the carnage. We cats averted our eyes.)

UPDATE: Just in case Corbett's people are (still) reading this, we cats would like to remind everybody that the Republicans hold majorities in both houses of the Pennsylvania state legislature.

Visions of Sugar Plums

Tomorrow we cats will head north for the rest of the holidays. But between now and then, we're snacking on turkey dinner and wishing good things for Democrats in 2014. Merry merry, everybody!

Tidbits and Cat Treats: Christmas Eve Edition

By Sniffles

Finally! We cats are celebrating the fact that it's December 24, and since we won't set paws inside a retail space until after tomorrow, we won't hear any more loud and obnoxious Christmas music. Or will we?

(We don't have anything against Christmas music. Just the loud, obnoxious kind.)

Anyway, despite all the holiday cheer, the news rocks on. Here are a few items that have gotten our attention amid the egg nog.

Republican Governor "Gary Herbert" of Utah says that federal Judge Robert Shelby's decision overturning his state's ban on same-sex marriage has caused "a lot of chaos." Really? We cats aren't seeing chaos. We're seeing hundreds and hundreds of couples lining up patiently in the cold for marriage licenses and, then, celebrating joyously. If "Governor Herbert" wants to decry chaos, perhaps he should slam the improper expenditures that the Mormon Church made on behalf of Prop 8. A religious institution violating campaign finance laws, and not getting its tax exemption revoked? That, to us, is chaos.

Big story over at The New York Times about Chris Christie bullying people. We cats are happy for the coverage, but we do wonder why reporting a known fact is breathless news. Pretty soon we'll be seeing articles with headlines like "Romneys Felt Entitled To White House." (Or, "Brian Boitano Comes Out." Hey!—wait a minute...)

We've noted with interest that 2 million people visited healthcare.gov today. You know, just as Fahrenheit and Celsius intersect at minus 40 degrees, pretty soon the number of people who get coverage through Obamacare will equal the number of people who lost coverage during the administration of The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived.

Finally, congratulations, Alan Turing, for receiving a royal pardon 61 years late. And of course for being absolved for something he needed no pardon for in the first place. Homophobia is an enigma (pun intended). Merry Christmas, everyone.

Buzzin' 'Bout The Beehive State

By Baxter

We cats are just having a gay old time. We're reading the outraged comments of the folks over at our favorite right-wing corner of the Internet, Free Republic, over all those same-sex couples getting married in Utah.

They just can't understand it, they bleat. Where in the US Constitution does it say that gays can get married?

We cats have decided to perform a public service, and answer their hand-wringing entreaties. Here it is, folks: Here is the basic constitutional reasoning behind marriage equality — aside from that whole question of demeaning dignity, of course. Read and enjoy!

Amendment XIV, Civil Rights, Section 1:

"No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States, nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws."

(IMAGE: Hooray for Utah! And we're all getting our hair done to celebrate, right?)

Called To Account

By Zamboni

One of the things that distresses us cats about political discourse today is that so many nutjobs are never pressed to prove their most outrageous statements.

This is partly journalism's fault: The really good follow-up question is, sadly, a lost art. (Or even the good first question. We cats spent most of 2013 wondering why no one in the media bothered to ask Virginia Republican Mark Obenshain why he was supposed to be a "vote-balancing moderate" attractive to ticket-splitters — even though he'd endorsed reporting women who'd had miscarriages to the police.)

Well, here's an early Christmas present — and from West Virginia, of all places. A Democratic member of the state House of Delegates, Nancy Guthrie, has filed a complaint against Byron Calhoun, an anti-choice physician in Charleston, who says he regularly treats patients suffering from "botched abortions."

See, Guthrie correctly reasons that if this silly doctor is telling the truth, he should have been diligently reporting his shocking evidence to the West Virginia Board of Medicine. But, whoops! — the Board says they've received no communications from him.

We cats love this. Not just because Calhoun is unmasked as a liar and an hysteric, but because (surprise, surprise) he refuses to comment or otherwise defend himself to the press. In short, he's a coward. As for Delegate Guthrie, we cats PURR.

And The Nancy Reagan Award Goes To....

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have been eagerly awaiting the certain indictment of the greedy, grasping Transvaginal Bob McDonnell and his squeezing, wrenching, covetous wife on federal charges in their pathetic gifts scandal. That, we thought, would be the swellest Christmas gift of all.

But HISS, it is not to be — at least not until after the New Year. Transvaginal Bob's attorneys apparently convinced the feds to delay their decision until after Transvaginal Bob and the repulsive Maureen vacate the now-besmirched Governor's mansion. Nuts! Since T-Bob has caused such pain to so many Virginians — particularly female Virginians hoping to control their reproductive destinies — we cats were hoping that the DOJ would ruin his and Mo's Christmas.

Well, maybe it will, after all. How could anyone enjoy the holidays with that hanging over their heads? Meanwhile, we continue to marvel at a peculiar trait of so many Republican wives — one that we can only describe as a gigantic sense of entitlement.

We've called it the Nancy Reagan Award. But maybe we should change it to the Ann Romney Award, since Ann graced us with so many memorable moments last year. Remember her haughty response on Willard's tax returns, "We've given all you people need to know"? And who could forget this classic: "How lucky we are to have someone with Mitt's qualifications and experience and know-how to be able to have the opportunity to run this country"?

And now, Maureen McDonnell — with her $15,000 New York shopping spree, her "junkets for Johnnie" to promote their scam-artist friend's diet supplement, and her abuse of employees (most famously, her and T-Bob's lame attempt to throw her chief of staff under the bus) — may deserve to have our GOP-queen award named after her. That is, if she weren't such a soon-to-be has-been.

Somehow this just doesn't seem to be as much of a problem on the Democratic side of life. Can you picture Dr. Judy Dean acting this way? We can't, either. As for the Transvaginals and their pending and much-deserved indictment, all we cats can say is, our paws are crossed.

(IMAGE: "Bob, does this bedspread make me look fat?")

Duck's Arse

By Sniffles

As with other birds, we cats are very fond of eating duck. But we had to ask a friend what "Duck Dynasty" was. See, reality shows are just not our brand of catnip.

Now, though, you can't surf the Internet without seeing that the "star" of this duck "show" is in hot water because he's turned out to be a homophobe. Well, good. People who are haters deserve to be called out for it.

And, of course, cue the clueless Republicans, who are complaining that liberals are forcing "political correctness" on America and there's no free speech left. Bobby Jindal, for example.

We cats find this fascinating. First, would Jindal feel so charitably toward this Duck Dynasty person if he'd uttered slurs about people of Indian descent? Second, we thought that Republicans like Jindal were big capitalists — committed to preserving, protecting and defending the business community at all costs. So why don't they believe in the concept of "what the market will bear"?

Personally, we're glad that our country has reached a place in which language that slanders entire groups — from people of color to gays and lesbians — is no longer tolerated. And that corporations and media companies are increasingly sensitive to bigotry, penalizing their employees if they engage in it. (Yes, Alec Baldwin, that includes you.)

How ironic that this flap has occurred just as New Mexico has joined the ranks of marriage equality. And as a Methodist minister has gotten defrocked for declaring all God's children the same. A few steps forward, one or two back. Stay tuned.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: Ridiculous Republicans Edition

By Baxter

If you're like us cats, you found John Boehner's anti-teabagger umbrage the other day quite fakey. Excuse us, Mr. Speaker? You're only now calling out the extreme right wing of your pathetic party? Sorry, but you're the one who's "ridiculous."

However, he's given us a theme, and our unhallowed paws shall not disturb it, or the country's done for. But what the Dickens — here are some truly silly (and wonderful) GOP shenanigans that we cats are savoring today.

Right-wing-fanatic-posing-as-a-moderate Mark Obenshain has conceded to Democrat Mark Herring in the Virginia attorney general's race. This, dear readers, is the nanniest of all nanny-boo-boos. It means that the Old Dominion's party of the patriarchal divine-right-of-succession now has no one who is the logical (or even semi-logical) heir to take the commonwealth back in four years. The Republicans' idea that they could appeal to the statewide electorate by nominating three off-the-radar nutjobs was, of course, "ridiculous."

Apparently there's a documentary about the 2012 Romney campaign, "one man's quest for the Presidency." Okay, fine — but only if Netflix defines "quest" as: 1) Taking five-day weekends in the middle of the campaign, 2) doing one event a day (and a fundraiser in a state you're gonna win anyway), 3) sitting on your cash until it's too late, and 4) putting your fate in the hands of super PACs you can't control. Then, yes, we guess it's a "quest." We think, however, that Don Quixote would say that "quest" in this context is "ridiculous."

So the ever-ugly Charles Krauthammer thinks Democratic Senator Joe Manchin should join the GOP? That would be like Rhett Butler enlisting in the Confederate Army after the burning of Atlanta. "Ridiculous."

Finally, exciting news: The Obenshain concession means that the race to fill Mark Herring's Virginia state senate seat is underway, and the Republicans have nominated an anti-Semite. At this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge, we cats think its good to be mindful of our non-Christmas-celebrating fellow Virginians. Which means we won't give "John Whitbeck," who is truly ridiculous, the time of day. If you'd like to contribute to Democrat Jennifer Wexton instead, click here.

Losing Their Timing This Late In Their Careers

By Zamboni

Well, the Democratic hill to reclaim the House next year just got a little steeper. Congressman Jim Matheson (D-Utah) has decided to move on.

Then again, a couple of Republicans are throwing in the towel, too: Tom Latham in Iowa, and Frank Wolf, here in Virgina. Which makes us wonder about their sense of timing.

See, it's interesting that when John Boehner allegedly has the teabags on the run — when President Obama's approval ratings are in the ditch — when Obamacare is presenting this huuuuuge electoral opportunity for the GOP — and when the Republican Party's business wing has gone all-in to help so-called moderates beat back primary challenges — this is the moment that Wolf and Latham choose to bail.

Will they get any questions on this from the vaunted Fourth Estate? Yeah, right. In the meantime, we've got a Virginia House seat to fill. Calling Krystal Ball!

News Flash From Vatican City: Hope And Change?

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are not atheists: The ancient Egyptians considered us gods, so why quibble? But we're frequently disturbed at how religion tends to oppress more people than it liberates. Whether you're talking Islam, Protestant fundamentalism, Mormonism or Catholicism, it all seems the same — bad for women, bad for gays, bad for anybody with a brain.

That's why we're taking particular delight in the fits that Pope Francis is giving the right wingers. As we're sure we don't have to tell you, a pontiff like Frankie doesn't come along much. John the Twenty-Third comes to mind, but after his too-early exit he was succeeded by such a rash of jerks (yes, JP Two, we're talking about you), we despaired of ever seeing an interesting pope again.

Enter Frankie. Wow! It's been kinda exciting! Even though yes, the church has a long, long way to go and we're mighty glad we don't belong. Still and all, Frankie obviously has figured that at almost-77, he doesn't have a lot of time to make his mark. And make his mark is what he intends to do.

And all the conservative sputtering is too delicious for words. The Pope is a liberal! He's tolerant! He worries about the poor! He hates trickle-down economics! Pretty soon he'll be endorsing Democrats!

As Democrats who well remember how conservative US bishops twisted Catholic doctrine not only to promote peace-hating Republicans but demonize social-justice Democrats — "Deny John Kerry communion!" — we cats have only one reaction. We PURR.

(IMAGE: By the way, in case you were wondering: Yes, we are. Any questions?)

Note To Chris Cillizza: You"re Not As Bad As Jennifer Rubin. Congrats, Or Something.

By Sniffles

We cats are not big fans of the young Chris Cillizza lad over at The Washington Post — not because he's evil, but because he is so often callow and accepting.

Which is our snarky way of saying that we disagree with his pronouncement that President Obama had the "Worst Year in Washington." How is it that the President, whose approval rating has never dipped below 38 percent, had a rougher year than Congress, which — thanks to obstruction, scandalmongering and a complete lack of productivity — currently stands at 9?

For sure, Obama's had it tough. Gun legislation died, Ed Snowden leaked and ran, and the healthcare.gov launch was a mess. But it was Congressional Republicans who shut down the government, cost the economy $24 billion, and made everybody hate them — and who, in the end, were stared down into submission by the President. And it's the Republican Party that's now engulfed in open civil war.

So, back to Cillizza. We cats hate to be hard on him. But like so many in the Beltway echo chamber, he didn't put any original thought into "Worst Year." He just repeated what everybody he talks to is telling him. "The Fix" needs some fixing. We cats HISS.

Now, THIS Is Where Shopping Is A Pleasure

Where Have You Gone, Rancid Pieface? Your Party Turns Its Lonely Eyes To You

By Baxter

Yesterday we cats wondered aloud if Paul Ryan would get a primary challenge next year. While we don't have the answer yet — and we wouldn't be surprised if it's "yes," what with the teabags and the Freepers up in arms — our thoughts this Friday evening are turning to the Senate.

Things have been very cranky in the upper house, but that's not why we're writing. We're thinking specifically of all the money that the GOP is going to have to spend defeating nutcase Senate candidates in 2014 before they can even begin to pivot to the general election.

Let's take the incumbent Republicans first. Lindsey Graham has a primary. Lamar "I Hire Child Porn Enthusiasts" Alexander has a primary. Pat Roberts has a primary. Thad Cochran has a primary. John Cornyn has a primary. (Okay, Steve Stockman is a clown, but still.) Mike Enzi has a primary, and boy, don't we know that! And of course, Mitch McConnell has a primary — not to mention a difficult November if he survives.

Then, of course, there are Republican primaries for open or Democratic seats. Look for things to get ugly in Iowa, Georgia, North Carolina, Minnesota, Nebraska, Colorado, New Hampshire, Virginia and Louisiana. (Those last two are particularly delicious. Virginia will nominate their anti-Mark-Warner candidate at a party convention filled with whackjobs. And Louisiana is an open primary in which a run-off ensues if no candidate gets 50 percent plus one — which means more opportunities for GOP candidates to tear each other apart.)

Republicans have so far avoided nasty primaries in West Virginia, Michigan and South Dakota — but of those, Michigan and South Dakota could still see a late challenge, so stay tuned.

Bottom line, we're seeing a huge money drain here. We cats don't understand why the Beltway media haven't woken up to this yet — is fundraising boring? — but we're happy to be the first to point out that Rancid Pieface and whatever donors he has left in the Republican Party have their work cut out for them next year.

And, oh — by the way, when is the Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee going to dump Ted Cruz as a vice chairman? Because we're not seeing him helping the GOP's Establishment crowd much. Which makes us cats PURR.

(PHOTO: We first spotted this priceless Pieface-related image at Princess Sparkle Pony's Photo Blog.)

Cat Fight! Republicans vs. Republicans vs. Republicans vs. Republicans

By Zamboni

Wow! Remember our rule for the Current State of the Political World?

It boils down to one thing: Would we cats rather be Us (Democrats) or Them (Republicans)? Now, we're sure that someday, somewhere, sometime, the forces of nature will shift, and the GOP will once again be ascendant. That's just the way of the universe — the pendulum swings. But goodness gracious, it sure isn't swinging yet. And we are so glad we're Us.

What else can happen? The Republicans are publicly imploding over a budget deal that their 2012 VP nominee just crafted with a mom in tennis shoes. The Breitbart nuts are livid over the firing of Paul Teller from the Republican Study Committee. The Freepers are tied up in knots over Ted Cruz's presence at the Mandela memorial. And last but not least, a top aide to Senator Lamar Alexander was just arrested for possessing kitten porn.

(Oops, we meant child porn, but you knew that. Can they go any lower? Sure, if it turns out that the guy belonged to a Republican Child Porn Committee. There might be one, you know.)

Oh, and more people are signing up for Obamacare. So, since the GOP's prospects seem so bleak, we just have one other question: Will Paul Ryan get a primary challenge? We can't believe we're asking that, but then again, we can. We cats PURR.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: Snowed-In Edition

By Miss Kubelik

Mother Nature and not Ted Cruz shut down the government today. Which meant that after shoveling snow, we cats had plenty of time to catch the headlines. Here are a few that warrant mentioning.

Why do the media never circle back to the authors of the Republican "autopsy" to ask how the "reboot" is going? We're just wondering, thanks to the latest outrageous, offensive and homophobic remarks by an RNC member from Michigan. We say "latest" because anti-gay slurs seem to emanate constantly from today's GOP. So why aren't reporters asking for comment from people like Ken Mehlman, Richard Tisei, Carl DeMaio, the authors of the "autopsy," and, of course, Rancid Pieface?

Oh, thank God President Obama shook hands with Raul Castro at the Mandela celebration today. Now we can talk about something other than that stupid selfie. (And did anyone notice that Castro bowed to Obama?)

We don't know in what world John Cornyn, the two-time head of the Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee, qualifies as a liberal — but that pronouncement's happened on the same day that Jim DeMint's Senate Conservatives Fund endorsed Pat Roberts' primary challenger. That's right, folks: John Cornyn and Pat Roberts — two bastions of the Senate's left-wing caucus.

Count us as completely unsurprised that Ron Paul says that Rand Paul will "probably" run for President in 2016. Unlike the rest of the lemmings in Pundit World, we cats have privately suspected that the GOP nominee next time will not be a Governor, but a member of the U.S. Senate. And the fact that the Paulites have taken over the party in key primary states like Iowa and Nevada is the kind of boring detail that nobody really notices until later — when it makes a difference.

Finally, we are awed and amazed at today's events in South Africa. It's pretty hard to be cynical and hateful when you see so much love pouring out from so many people (although we're sure the Freepers are managing it). We were concerned about the rain until we heard that Africans believe it marks the passing of a great soul. But of course, we all knew that already, didn't we? We cats salute Madiba, and we PURR.

South Carolina Half-Wit Won't Go Half-Staff

By Sniffles

The entire world is celebrating the life of Nelson Mandela. Except for one Pickens County, South Carolina sheriff.

A jackass named Rick Clark has refused to comply with President Obama's executive order that all flags on government property should be lowered to half-staff in the wake of Mandela's death. Clark claims that such an honor should be reserved solely for Americans.

We're wondering what his department did back in 2005, when the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived ordered flags to fly at half-staff for Pope John Paul II. And of course, John Paul was white, while Mandela was — not. (But don't you dare try to say this is racially motivated!)

Isn't it obvious what Clark is doing? He's laying the groundwork for teabaggers in the far-distant future to resist lowering the flag for another "African," President Obama.

We cats don't look forward to being proven right on this any time soon. But it's all plenty disgusting in the meantime. So we HISS.

A Slight Detour From The Norm

This is not a movie blog, but we cats must recognize today's passing of the exquisite Eleanor Parker. Anyone who thinks "The Sound of Music" is overly sentimental would do well do remember that screenwriter Ernest Lehman gave Ms. Parker the best line in the film. "Why didn't you tell me," she accuses sidekick Richard Haydn, "to bring my harmonica?"

"Shut Up And Deal"

 We cats know no greater profession of love.

—Shirley MacLaine, Kennedy Center honoree,"The Apartment," 1960

Cootchy Out, Chinless In?

By Baxter

Aw! It looks like we cats won't have Ken "Let Us Now Praise Famous Fetuses" Cuccinelli to kick around any more. At the Virginia Republican heads-in-the-sand confab at The Homestead last night, Cootchy announced that he wouldn't try to run against Democratic U.S. Senator Mark Warner next year.

(The Cootch also continued his streak of ungracious speeches, using his time in the Homestead spotlight to slam his fellow GOPers for deserting him. The very thing that Eric Cantor urged Republicans not to do any more. What were we just saying about heads in the sand?)

Well, never mind. Gearing up for a run — and thus riding to our funny-bone rescue — is maybe, just possibly, and totally tantalizingly: The Chinless Wonder, Ed Gillespie.

This is so great. You remember Chinless. He's the former Republican party chair and Beltway consultant who said he was going to fix the Romney campaign and then didn't. He's a lifelong political hack who's thinking of competing with a successful Democratic entrepreneur and real-life job creator. He's one of the gay haters who helped craft the 2004 anti-marriage-equality strategy for the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived. But most of all, he's a Washington insider who, at next June's nominating convention, is going to have to woo scores of rabid teabaggers who despise people exactly like him.

"It's a very winnable race," Chinless said. There's that GOP heads-in-the-sand thing again. We cats PURR.

There's No Topping This Tweet.

The Key To The Long Walk To Freedom

"I realized if I still hated them after I left [prison], they would still have me. I wanted to be free. And so I let it go."

—Nelson Mandela

How's That "Reboot" Going For Ya? (Reprise)

By Zamboni

From the "Cutting Off Their Noses To Spite Their Faces" file: A GOP jackass from Virginia, Representative Randy Forbes, has declared that his party should refuse to fund any gay Congressional candidates.

The two openly gay Republicans who are the subjects of Forbes's disdain are Richard Tisei in Massaschusetts and Carl DeMaio in California. Never mind that both of these guys have a reasonable chance to flip a couple of seats from the Democrats. They're gay, so they're bad.

While we cats sit back to watch the resulting infighting, we can't help but wonder how these two GOP candidates will function should they win their respective elections next year. Tisei, for example, says he'll work across the aisle on important issues. But how can he do that when there are colleagues on his side who think he has no right to be there? (Or no right to be, period.)

Well, it's not really our problem. If the GOP Congressional campaign committee wants to stiff strong candidates in winnable races, that's okay by us. But on principle, we still HISS.

The Only Thing The GOP Wants To Abort Is Obamacare

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are fixed, so we don't have to worry about having kittens, wanted or otherwise. But the Republicans' war on human women of childbearing age continues.

For example, catch this latest news out of Georgia. The Peach State has more women dying from pregnancy-related conditions than any other place in America: 35 maternal deaths per 1,000 live births. Just a few years ago, Georgia's rate was 20 per 1,000.

Gosh! It's a good thing that Republican Governor and all-around idiot Nathan Deal rejected Obamacare and the zillions of free Medicaid dollars he could have had from the feds. Because it's not as if they need any help with their healthcare down there.

And speaking of Obamacare, get this. Unable to repeal the Affordable Care Act or to get the Supreme Court to invalidate it, Republicans' latest gambit is to claim that the law is horrible because it butts into the patient-doctor relationship.

Really, GOP? Really? Let us cats get this straight. Obamacare is an evil government intrusion into our doctor's (or, in our case, our vet's) office — but it's okay to mandate that physicians prescribe unnecessary ultrasounds for women seeking abortions. And it's just fine to force docs to lie to women about the alleged medical consequences of terminating a pregnancy. And it's hunky-dory to make physicians have hospital admitting privileges before they can perform abortions. And we haven't even gotten to limiting access to birth control.

Do Republicans really not see the contradictions here? It is truly amazing. And while we cats are gladder than ever that our kitten-bearing years are behind us, we still worry about the GOP pushing American women back into the dark ages. Which makes us HISS.

Note To GOP: How's That "Reboot" Going For Ya?

By Sniffles

We cats can think of few things more insulting than to file federal income tax as a recognized married couple, and then have to turn around and check "Single" on a state tax form. Yet that's exactly what the Commonwealth of Virginia is forcing same-sex couples to do.

And surprise, surprise: The Virginia Department of Taxation made that decision after checking with state Attorney General Ken "I Hate Everybody But Straight White Males and Fetuses" Cuccinelli — who, as we've thankfully noted, will not be our Governor next year.

We look to Governor-elect Terry McAuliffe to right this repulsive wrong. But in the meantime, we take consolation in the fact that Virginia residents Mary Cheney and Heather Poe, legally married in Washington, D.C., will be forced to deny each other's existence on their Old Dominion form.

In fact, we wouldn't be surprised if Liz, Mary's hatemonger sister (and current family feuder) had a hand in this. We can just hear her phone call to Cucinnelli now: "Okay, Ken — I said I'd run for Senate in Wyoming so you could run against Mark Warner next year if you lost to McAuliffe. You owe me."

You know what they say payback is. We cats PURR.