Alternate Universe

By Zamboni

From what we can tell, Secret Service pooh-bah Julia Pierson didn't change many hearts and minds at today's House Oversight Committee hearing. We cats are upset about that, because the idea that Barack Obama might not be fully protected kind of freaks us out.

But we still can't help speculating on one thing: The right's reaction if the Secret Service had employed less "restraint" against Executive Mansion intruder Omar Gonzalez than they did.

If the agents had acted like, say, a Ferguson, Missouri, police officer, teabaggers would have instantly screamed that the Muslim anti-colonial Kenyan dictator in the White House had told them to abuse-maim-kill-whatever a valiant, PTSD-riddled Iraq war vet. Impeach!

(You know they would have. We cats HISS.)

P.S.: We cats can't figure out why the House Oversight Committee can hold a hearing today, but Boehner can't call back the House itself to vote on the air war against ISIL. Anybody know?

Something To Ask Your Soon-To-Be-Republican-Senator

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have never been sure that Pundit World ever had a good read on the 2014 midterms — mostly because the elections are, let's face it, unreadable.

We've gone from an Obamacare-inspired Republican "wave" (remember that?) to "Obamacare doesn't matter" to foreign policy butting in to Democrats springing back to Republicans rising again. And who knows how many more permutations we'll see between now and Election Day?

But just for the sake of it, let's consider for a moment that Democratic seats like Tom Harkin's and Mark Udall's go Republican, and Mitch McConnell becomes Majority Leader of the Senate. Aside from Joe Biden suddenly needing to worry about the state of White House security, what could that mean for the country?

One word keeps popping into our heads: Personhood.

That's because Republican candidates everywhere are engaged in a series of desperate and specious "moves to the middle." Knowing that they can't get elected if they say that fetuses have more rights than born, grown women, they are soft-pedaling, parsing or camouflaging their views — or, in "Transvaginal Barb" Comstock's case, running away from the media to avoid talking about them altogether.

So here's the question for, say, GOP candidate Joni Ernst and GOP candidate Cory Gardner. Voters in Iowa and Colorado need to ask it — on the record, on the radio, on camera — today, and every day, between now and November 4.

"Will you pledge now that — when you arrive in the Senate as a member of the newly elected Republican majority — you will buck your leadership and refuse to vote 'yes' on a personhood amendment?"

And if they won't answer, ask again. If they still won't answer — ask why not. And keep asking. We cats PURR.

Member Of The Wedding

By Baxter

Calling David Brock! It might be time to start a "Media Matters" site north of the border.

Here's why: Until the other day, we cats were blissfully unaware of the existence of a buffoon named Ezra Levant, who works for the Sun News Network in Canada. Sun is a fellow traveler of FOX "News" here in the US, but clearly is jealous that its reach in the True North nowhere near matches that of Roger Ailes. So it employs morons like Levant, whose job is to say provocative things and grab some headlines.

Last week, for example, he accused Liberal leader Justin Trudeau of barging into a wedding photo uninvited. Then, bizarrely, Levant proceeded to spend the rest of his on-air time bashing Pierre Trudeau's sex life. Yep, that Pierre Trudeau — whose Prime Ministership most Canadians today don't personally remember, and who's been dead for 14 years. Hm.

(Meanwhile, in case you're worried, the bridal party smacked Levant down, big time — making it very clear that they invited Justin, who was attending a Liberal party meeting in the same hotel, to get in on the photographic fun. Sheesh.)

Whatever side of the 49th parallel they're on, right-wing nutjobs just can't resist the personal attack, can they? We all know, of course, that it means they got nuthin'. But we cats still HISS.

Strange Values

"I can tell you if it were not for my father giving his life to Christ, I would have been raised by a single mother."

Were we the only ones who noticed? "Ted" Cruz has insulted Bristol Palin. We cats PURR.

Well, Of Course.

"Prime Minister David Cameron of Britain was overheard during a visit to New York this week telling the former mayor, Michael R. Bloomberg, that Queen Elizabeth II 'purred' when he called to inform her that Scottish voters had rejected independence in a referendum.

"'Look, I'm very embarrassed by this,' Mr. Cameron told reporters... 'It was a private conversation, but clearly a private conversation that I shouldn't have had and won't have again.'"

—The New York Times

Transvaginal Barb's Great Escape

By Miss Kubelik

One of the plaintive wails we cats see most often on right-wing sites like Free Republic is "Whatever happened to free speech?" They scream it every time they think that that those horrible liberals are squelching their right to be racist, sexist, homophobic — whatever.

So it's always surprising when a member of the teabag tribe allows her own speech to be muzzled. Like "Transvaginal Barb" Comstock after this week's debate with her Virginia Congressional opponent, Democrat John Foust. This chirpy blonde Comstock aide with the bow in her hair (hmm, not a good look, we think) clearly does not believe her candidate deserves to speak her mind.

Because you know what might happen? The voters of the 10th District might find out the truth about Transvaginal Barb's odious anti-choice record. Horrors! (Meanwhile, John Foust stayed and answered reporters' questions. Guess he doesn't have anything to hide.)

For this and many other reasons, we cats HISS at Transvaginal Barb and dump our dirty litter boxes over her head.

World's Dumbest Police Chief Flunks Grammar — and Decency — Test

"I want to say this to the Brown family. No one who has not experienced the loss of a child can understand what you’re feeling."

—Thomas Jackson, Chief of Police, Ferguson, Missouri

When do you use a double negative?

1) When you're stupid.
2) When you're trying really hard not to say what you need to say.

United They Scam

By Sniffles

As America approaches the first anniversary of the launch of Obamacare, we cats suddenly found ourselves staving off a shakedown by our employer-based health insurer.

This hairball-inspiring company is chomping at the bit to get us to sign up for its mail-order prescription medication delivery — not because it saves us money or is more convenient than going to the pharmacy, but because it helps make big bucks for them. We cats have already disenrolled from this "offer" twice (and we'll have to do it again in a year). But the snail-mailings keep coming.

Today's was a vague threat that if we didn't sign up for the mail service, we might have to pay full price for an expensive drug we take. Needless to say, we gave the hapless phone rep, who was unable to do anything but babble from a script, a piece of our mind.

But the whole experience made us wonder: How are folks enrolled in Obamacare who have just gotten medical coverage for the first time in their lives navigating through such sales scams? They must be utterly bewildered (and, we hope, not hoodwinked by scare tactics).

Now, don't get us wrong. It's always better to have health insurance than to go without, and the Affordable Care Act is a success. But experiences like today's make us cats pine for the single-payer option. Could negotiating a National Health Service — like, say, Canada's — really be more stressful than dealing with these money-grubbing insurers? We cats HISS.

A Pitcher Terry Branstad Doesn't Need

By Zamboni

Chris Christie is going to Iowa to — get this — raise money for the highly endangered Terry Branstad for Governor.

We cats are kidding. Terry Branstad is not endangered. Nearly all polls show him leading Jack Hatch by double digits (with only the ridiculous and ever-inaccurate Rasmussens touting a six-point margin in a transparent effort to excite a complacent Republican electorate).

You know, somebody on the GOP side should call Christie out on this. With gubernatorial races in Maine, Kansas, Michigan, Pennsylvania, Florida, Georgia and Arizona all at some risk of being lost — and opportunities for Republican pickups presenting themselves in states like Connecticut, Colorado and Illinois — why is the head of the RGA spending valuable time in, um, Iowa?

Are we sure this isn't about Christie and not about what's best for the Republican Party?

Not that we cats worry about either one. But we still HISS.

If You Add Another "K" To "Kris Kobach's" Initials, What Do You Get?

By Baxter

It looks like the Republican Party's desperate attempt to rig the Kansas Senate race is going to fail: The Kansas Supreme Court has sent Secretary of State "Kris Kobach's" latest lawsuit — in which he's trying to make the Democratic Party nominate a candidate to replace Chad Taylor — down to the Shawnee County district court to gather evidence.

This will most likely run out the clock on the ballot printing process. But apparently the Sunflower State Supremes weren't convinced that the Democratic shill who filed the suit on "Kobach's" behalf had standing in the case to begin with. (The shill, by the way, happens to be the father of a dude who works for the Brownback campaign. Ahem.)

We cats are not lawyers, but we assume that the plaintiff would have had to be someone who voted in last month's Senate primary. And since there were other races on the ballot, how do you prove that he actually did? That'll be interesting to watch as the lower court's fact-finding gets underway.

Meanwhile, we guess that "Kris Kobach" tried to argue that, by not placing a candidate name on the Senate ballot, Kansas Democrats were essentially disenfranchising not just the shill but everyone who voted on August 5. Gee, his concern for the rights of voters is touching. Until we think about all the anti-immigrant, block-the-vote legislation he's written for ALEC. We cats HISS.

Reflections On The Roosevelts

By Miss Kubelik

He was the most important President of the 20th century — maybe of all time. And she was one of the most admired American women ever. But Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt as parents? Um, not so great.

How do we know? Well, you could point to the 19 marriages that the five Roosevelt children tallied up over their lives.

But here's better proof: John Roosevelt became a Republican in 1952. James Roosevelt joined Democrats for Nixon.

FDR would not have been dee-lighted. We cats HISS.

Scotland Sheaths The Dagger

By Sniffles

Whew, that's a relief. We cats are no fans of the Tory party or of David Cameron, but we're pleased that Scotland has voted to stay in the UK. Let's pop some popcorn and re-watch "Local Hero" in celebration.

Meanwhile, here are a few take-aways we think are worth mentioning.

It appears that, unlike Gallup, Rasmussen and other lamebrain Republican pollsters in the US, the UK polls on the referendum did not suffer from Romney-itis. "Yes" was indeed ahead in one poll. It was a subsequent poll that showed the vote split 50-50 that threw Westminster into a panic.

Just as in Quebec nearly 20 years ago, the "yes" gang had the better optics — a niftier logo, more exciting events, and an air of cheerful destiny. We cats understand that the word "no" carries some special burdens, Madison-Avenue-wise. But goodness gracious, that "No, thanks" slogan was kinda dumb.

Gordon Brown, Mr. Stemwinder. Who knew?

The term "silent majority" might not make us hack up hairballs any more. We're thinking about it.

For reasons we won't go into, we think it's pretty cool that Fife put the "no" vote over the top.

Finally, in case you think Cameron has gotten off, ahem, scot-free on this, think again. His Conservative MPs are furious that he frittered away the campaign and then, in the end, had to give away the store. Although the Tories are probably loath to change leaders in the run-up to 2015, the next few months will still be fun to watch. We cats PURR.

Scotland Holds The Dagger, Part II

By Zamboni

Is it bad luck to feature this comic book cover of The Scottish Play on the day of the independence referendum?

Oops, perhaps we cats just tipped our paw on how we hope the vote comes out. Well, it's true: We agree with Paul Krugman that splitting from Britain would be a recipe for economic disaster. We also think that the UK's "No" campaign got caught with its pants down the same way the "Non" partisans in Quebec did in 1995. But then, we've said that before.

And while English, Irish and Welsh folks didn't descend on Edinburgh the way Canadians did on Montreal in show of amour, Gordon Brown did give a barn-burner of a speech. (Finally!)

So, now we can only sit and await the results. We think it'll be a long night, because 80 to 90 percent of Scots are expected to have voted today. How embarrassing for the other so-called participatory democracies of the world! Wouldn't it be great to have that kind of turnout in American elections? Of course, Republicans would have to let people who don't like them vote. We cats HISS.

Sunny Skies In The Sunflower State

By Baxter

The recent PPP poll out of Kansas is totally fun for a lot of reasons.

Pundit World has gone bats over the Senate news, as they rightly should. Independent candidate Greg Orman is beating the incumbent Republican, Pat Roberts, by seven points among voters who think that Democrat Chad Taylor is still in the race — and by 10 points when they're told he's not. Seventeen percent are "not sure." But if Pat Roberts hasn't made a sale with on-the-fence folks after 17 years in the Senate, he's not gonna make it now.

Another exciting result is that the ever-execrable Sam "Brownback" is trailing his Democratic opponent, Paul Davis, by four points, with 14 percent undecided. (The Roberts Rule mentioned above also applies to Sammy, who — first as Senator and then as Governor — has been in office for nearly two decades. And who has caused more destruction to Kansas than the twister that carried Dorothy off to Oz.)

We haven't even mentioned the fact that Kansas's racist, xenophobic and slimy Secretary of State, "Kris Kobach," is only ahead of his Democratic rival by one point, 43 to 42 percent. Wow!

So those numbers are all big news. But there's more. Buried a few pages down are some fascinating Presidential results. Hillary Rodham Clinton, Democrat, is competitive in this deep-red state.

The most that Hillary trails any of the possible Republican candidates mentioned in this poll is by six points, and that's against a guy who's never going to get the GOP nomination because the teabags hate him: Little Jebbie Bush.

Fat Chris Christie (ditto) only beats her by two points. She's behind Fat Mike Huckabee by three, and Rand "Circus Shirt" Paul by two. And she beats teabag hottie Rafael Cruz, 44 percent to 41 percent.

Kansas, you're giving us Cheshire cat grins. We are hereby crossing our paws that the Republicans nominate a true right-wing nutcase in 2016 — so he can go down to defeat to Hillary and her 400 electoral votes. We cats PURR.

Barb = Bob

By Miss Kubelik

The Republican Party is on the social-issue hot seat in this year's swing-state midterm elections, and we cats couldn't be happier.

One of those swing states is our own, Virginia — which means it's been amusing to see candidates like Chinless Ed Gillespie fumble for an excuse for the GOP's war on women. Getting all umbrage-y and declaring that his religious beliefs should be off-limits for debate is pretty ironic, considering Chinless is a former national chair of the party that constantly tries to legislate its, um, religious beliefs.

And in the Virginia Congressional district next door to ours, we have the ever-odious GOP candidate Barbara Comstock, a right-wing nutcase who is trying to fog over her extreme record to fool Northern Virginia voters — but who is being unerringly called out by the fabulous John Foust.

Comstock responded to this latest Foust ad by huffily countering that she "was running for Congress, not the Supreme Court." As if her anti-choice positions won't matter! This is specious to the max. Do we have to remind Comstock that Congress holds the federal purse strings? Must we dredge up the many, many times that Republicans have denied funds to health initiatives involving abortion? No wonder that FitzSimmonds guy — a fellow Republican — called her a, well, you know.

We cats have a different nickname for Barbara Comstock. In the Virginia House of Delegates, Comstock has supported the full range of anti-choice Republican legislation — including the nefarious ultrasound bill championed by former Governor (and newly convicted criminal) Bob McDonnell. So let's call her "Transvaginal Barb." We cats PURR.

Tony Auth, 1942-2014

We cats were sad to learn of the passing of The Philadelphia Inquirer's longtime cartoonist. But for his great body of work, we PURR.

"Almost" Evil?

Well, no biggie. We cats love the Koch Sisters.

Lest We Furr-get: The Good Goodell

By Sniffles

Once upon a time, there was a Senator from New York. This Senator was appointed by Governor Nelson A. Rockefeller to succeed Robert F. Kennedy after he was killed.

This Senator voted against funding for the Vietnam War, and he championed clemency for draft resisters. He supported environmentalism, and believed in social justice and in helping the poor. And since he'd been a conservative member of the House, his 180-degree turn to liberalism inspired Spiro Agnew to call him "the Christine Jorgensen of the Senate."

This Senator's name? Charles Goodell.

Incredibly, Charles Goodell was a Republican. And he was the father of NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell.

And you know what else? If he'd still been in the Senate, Charles Goodell would have voted for the Violence Against Women Act 20 years ago today. Just saying. We cats PURR.

Foust Is Fab

This ad gives us Cheshire-cat grins. If you agree, support John Foust for Congress here.

The Way It Was

Visiting New York, we cats gazed upon the World Trade Center many times, but never entered it. So we were pleased to see that The New Yorker is helping spread the word about some recently discovered, haunting WTC interiors. The photos, which also include views from the restaurant Windows On The World, were taken by an Estonian immigrant who worked the night shift there in the summer of 2001.

It just goes to show you: One, that although works by Rodin, Calder, Lichtenstein and Picasso were lost when the Twin Towers were destroyed, some unexpected art has survived. Two, that you never know what important contributions immigrants are going to make to the history of our country.

Virginia Is For Crooked Republicans

By Zamboni

We cats will be in front of our TVs tonight to watch President Obama's address to the nation on ISIL (and maybe on other intractable problems that he inherited from The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived).

Yep, ISIL would not exist today had it not been for the Cheney-Bush Administration's mission-not-accomplished. Like other bloggers, we're still astounded that those "we'll be welcomed like liberators-it'll be a cake walk" Bush guys haven't been banished from polite society for all time.

Well, never mind. While we await the speech, events in the Old Dominion have continued to occupy our furry minds. Allow us to share.

For example, guess what? Nearly 70 percent of Virginians think that Transvaginal Bob McDonnell and his greedy, grasping cheerleader wife were rightfully convicted of corruption. Gosh! Will our McDonnell-related fun never end? We're wondering how Bob explains all this stuff that's happened to him, since Jesus is supposed to be on his side.

Meanwhile, presenting an incredible contrast to Bob and Maureen's excesses, Democratic Governor Terry McAuliffe is writing checks to reimburse people who give him gifts worth more than $100. (We'll have to talk to him about the name of the Washington football team, though.)

And Virginia Republicans are still being naughty. The ever-odious Barbara Comstock has been caught not reporting $85,000 in income that her PR firm racked up in 2012 in the fruitless attempt to make Willard Mitt Romney President.

So here's the deal: Comstock, who is running for Congress, has already violated Congressional ethics rules. But we think the most delicious thing is that the news broke the day after the McDonnells' conviction. Bad timing, Babs! We cats PURR.

Lest We Furr-get: Who's Not Doing WHAT On Immigration?

Just a quickie for the record: We all remember that the Senate passed bipartisan comprehensive immigration reform in June 2013, don't we?

Which means the House of Representatives has sat on its fat Republican butt on immigration for more than a year.

We're not sure why the President isn't pointing this out every chance he gets, but in lieu of him doing it, we will. And HISS.

Scotland Holds The Dagger

By Miss Kubelik

Are there enough hotel rooms in Edinburgh? With a new poll showing the Scottish independence "yes" side overtaking the "no" vote — an increase of more than 20 percentage points over the last month — we cats think it might be time for a UK version of the 1995 Unity Rally.

Back then, when it looked like Quebec was about to bolt from Canada, more than 100,000 people flocked to Montreal three days before the vote, to show their love for La Belle Province and to say, "Please don't leave!"

Did it help? Probably — but not by itself, since then-Prime Minister Jean Chretien dangled some conciliatory constitutional goodies as well. Still, though, before the rally, the Quebec "oui" side had enjoyed a distinct PR advantage. The huge outpouring of affection from the rest of the country appeared to stanch the bleeding. (See, like the "no" side in the UK today, the Canadian "non" camp in 1995 had been caught napping. Not good.)

Quebec separatists later groused that Air Canada had unfairly lowered fare prices to help Canadians from across the vast country attend the rally. In that spirit, we suggest that the hapless David Cameron try to work the same deal with British Rail. Meanwhile, in punishment for his Tory party's hostility to the Scots, we cats pee on his shoes.

Je Ne Pense Pas, Donc Je Suis

By Baxter

Rand Paul, who has not had a very good week, just keeps getting sillier and sillier. Now, with his party going all hawky on fighting the terrorist group that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney created in Iraq, Rand has had to insist that he's not an America Firster. Hm, not good.

It's a problem for Mr. Circus Shirt because, in one of George H.W. Bush's favorite words, it's a "pattern." Rand Paul is constantly having to deny that he's.... well, you name it: a racist, an anti-Israel isolationist, a whacko-bird opponent of voting rights, an anti-government nut job, et cetera. People voting for a President will want to know what Randy is, not what he is not.

Now, he's started attacking the 2016 Democratic front-runner on, of all things, climate change — pronouncing as piffle Hillary Rodham Clinton's assertion that global warming is a national security threat.

He is so wrong. Just consider the cost of relocating coastal military bases getting washed out to sea, dealing with natural disasters, and everything climate change will do to fan the flames of worldwide radicalism. Our planet's altering environment is one big, hairy menace that you can't find guidance on in the pages of The Fountainhead.

And by the way, here's another thing Randy got wrong: "I don't think we really want a Commander in Chief who's battling climate change instead of terrorism," he sniffed.

Really, Rand? So, you were in the room when we nailed Osama bin Laden? We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: Mr. Know-Nothing in Iowa this summer. We still can't believe he wore this shirt.)

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Bob's For Sobs Edition

By Sniffles

We cats are happily wallowing in all the post-conviction reportage of "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell and his greedy, grasping cheerleader wife. As we continue to wade through the coverage and the commentary, many thoughts have come to mind. Here are a few.

Why are we supposed to be surprised that Transvaginal Bob hung his wife out to dry? That's what all right-wing, so-called Christian men do. They hate women. Bob is not only not an exception — as some pundits thankfully choose to remind us, he's the poster boy.

Many in Pundit World are also expressing amazement that Bob could be so stupid. We cats agree. So, why did Willard Mitt Romney ever think this fool was eligible to be a heartbeat away from the Presidency?

Speaking of Willard, can he ask for his money back?

While we cats will miss the news from this highly entertaining trial, we have one consolation: At least we won't have to look at Bobby McDonnell any more. Who knew he had such a bratty face?

Remember how the only ammunition the Republicans could marshal against Terry McAuliffe last year was that he was supposed to be a "hustler" and a "sleaze"? Well, who's the hustler and the sleaze now?

Interestingly, we're not seeing a lot of sympathy for the McDonnells in our favorite Internet corner of right-wing paranoia, Free Republic. See, in their eyes, Bob's just not a conservative. He raised that transportation tax, don'tcha know.

Chris Christie, Rick Perry and Scott Walker? Look out. You're next.

Bob's For Sobs, Part II

By Zamboni

So: Do we get to hear all about Bob and Maureen McDonnells' broken marriage again — on appeal?

As you can imagine, we cats will have lots to say about Transvaginal Bob's and his greedy cheerleader wife's federal convictions today. But right off the bat, we were struck by his emotional meltdown in court when the verdicts were read. Does Bob feel humiliated, violated, wronged, vulnerable and sad? Well, good. That's what he forced Virginia women seeking abortions to feel.

And of course Bob's and Maureen's crimes are obnoxious and repellent. When Bob left the courthouse today, he said, "My trust remains in the Lord." How ironic. Because clearly we citizens of Virginia were never able to place our trust in him. We cats HISS and dump our dirty litter boxes on Bob and Maureen's stupid heads.

Swinging Both Ways

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are known for our gay-friendliness, but we'd also like to boast about our bi tendencies. As in, bipartisan.

While a distinct lack of across-the-aisle comity is keeping matters stalled in Washington — and you all know whom we cats blame for that — Democrats around the country have done a ton of aisle-reaching, both in recent elections and in the run-up to the 2014 midterms. To wit:

• In Alaska, the Democratic candidate for Governor has withdrawn from the race and instead will run for Lieutenant Governor on a ticket with a former GOP (now Independent) candidate for Governor.
• In Florida, former Republican Charlie Crist is the Democratic gubernatorial nominee.
• In Virginia, our own Governor McAuliffe ran a successful 2013 campaign with the tacit support of the then-incumbent Republican Lieutenant Governor, who was disgusted with the rightward drift of his party.
• In Georgia, the, um, effervescent Zell Miller has abandoned his romance with the GOP and, following in the footsteps of Republican John Warner, has endorsed the Democratic candidate for Senate.
• And the piece de resistance: The Democratic Senate candidate in Kansas has dropped out in favor of an Independent candidate who has a real chance of beating embattled Republican Senator Pat Roberts.

Yep, bipartisanship — at least, on our side — is bustin' out all over. We cats hope this is a real harbinger of some very interesting elections come November, especially in the Senate.

Why? Because wins by candidates like Greg Orman, Travis Childers, Mark Begich, Mark Pryor and Michelle Nunn would not only help keep the chamber in Democratic hands, but could bode well for actual governance. A healthy Blue Dog caucus in the Senate wouldn't churn out wildly liberal legislation — but it would help restore some semblance of order and get some work done. And drive teabag nuts like Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and Rand Paul off the radar screen.

Since we cats are always looking for the long view, all of that would make us PURR.

Burns and Allen, Abbott and Costello, Bob and Maureen

By Baxter

No verdict yet in the Transvaginal Bob McDonnell corruption trial, but we cats are hardly surprised. Bob and his greedy cheerleader wife face a passel of charges — 14, count 'em, 14 — and five and a half hours are barely enough time for the jury to get started.

So while we wait, we'll muse on the definition of a term that Bob and Maureen's defense teams are fond of using: "Tragedy."

We remember hissing as the trial got underway back at the end of July that we weren't going to stand for any characterization of the McDonnell doings as, um, that word. If there's anything this spectacle has made clear, it's that Bob and Maureen are simply horrible people who deserve every grief that's come to them and more. But on Friday in his closing argument, defense attorney Henry Asbill called the McDonnell marriage “the terrible tragedy at the heart of this misguided prosecution.”

Sorry, Mr. Asbill, but you need to get a dictionary. A tragedy is a disaster, a calamity, an unparalleled shot of misfortune. Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 is a tragedy. The collapse of that clothing factory in Bangladesh was a tragedy. The train derailment in Lac-Megantic, Quebec, was a tragedy. The conservative-Christian-but-ultimately-unholy union of Bob and Maureen just doesn't rise to that level.

But if Asbill persists, we cats have one question: If the McDonnells are such a tragedy, why are we laughing so much? We cats PURR.

Note To GOP: Next Time, Try Living Up To Your Campaign Slogan

By Sniffles

National elections almost never turn on foreign policy, but the Republicans sure are embarrassing themselves on the topic these days.

That's right, we said the Republicans. We know it's fashionable to criticize President Obama's responses to the current mess that the world is in, but in our view, the Grand Old Party is the one that we should all be glad is not in power at the moment.

As on so many other fronts, questions of foreign policy find today's GOP completely, almost unprecedentedly split. They're either the party of war ("bomb 'em, strafe 'em, boots-on-the-ground 'em"), or the party of Rand Paul ("don't get involved anywhere, and while we're at it, cut aid to Israel to zero"). When we cats watch this intraparty kerfuffle — and consider the roster of Republican fools who imagine themselves Presidential timber in 2016 — we'll take a "deliberative" Commander in Chief any day.

The saber rattlers have been getting the most headlines lately — and it's not hard to see why, since they're raising the specter of "another 9/11" to justify their noise. But if God forbid there were another 9/11, one thing is for sure: The GOP would never rally around the President the way Democrats did around the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived in 2001. In their book, even if America were under attack, hating Obama would still trump all. We cats HISS.