Talking Points For Pundits — As Clear As Black And White

By Zamboni

Last week was so momentous and satisfying that we cats are still doing our happy dance and feeling like we've barely recovered. But even though we're quaffing champagne and throwing confetti and sucking up every ounce of news coverage we can, we're nevertheless aware of what the pundits aren't yet saying. Here are a few points that we'd just like to get on the record.

Everybody is agog over President Obama's singing during that remarkable eulogy for Clemenza Pinkney on Friday, and we cats concur. But although the video has gone viral, is anyone focusing on the real eloquence of his sermon? ("Sermon" because, well, that's what it was. Thank you, Reverend President.) We cats were so impressed when Obama tied the immortal line "I was blind, but now I see" to white America's sudden understanding of how black Americans feel about the Confederate flag. Sheer, sheer eloquence — and a reminder that preaching can be uplifting when it's done by someone with intelligence and perspective.

As for the little prick who killed all those warm and welcoming people on June 17, has anyone mentioned when his trial(s) will be? It looks like he'll be tried by South Carolina for murder and probably also by the federal government for a hate crime to end all hate crimes. So most likely he'll be back in court first in October, and then in February 2016 — right in the middle of Presidential primary season. Heck, the South Carolina primary is February 20! The Republican Party can't be looking forward to that.

As for the so-called backlash against the removal of the Confederate flag, we cats say, piffle. Who's "renouncing history"? Not us. (In fact, we wish Americans understood more of their history. Can PBS rerun Ken Burns's "Civil War" any time soon?) That battle-flag rag belongs in a museum, or maybe in a Confederate cemetery, but nowhere else — especially on public lands. We cats applaud the gutsy woman who scaled the flagpole in Charleston and ripped the damn thing down from the state capitol grounds. It's a symbol not only of race hatred but of an armed insurrection against the United States — and we're surprised that all those faux patriots who defend it (and the opinion leaders who wring their hands over "renouncing history") don't understand that.

So that's it for the moment, although we're sure that more pointers will occur to us as the days go by (and the champagne wears off). Meanwhile, let's just say that we hope Pundit World will get more thoughtful about a lot of this stuff. They should stop bouncing between left-right and thinking that they do their jobs if they merely present both sides, and maybe inject a little nuance into their coverage instead. For inspiration, we suggest that they read, and reread, Obama's Pinkney eulogy. And we PURR.

Tonight, Our Union Is A Little More Purr-fect

An astonishing day. There's too much to cover in one or even 10 blog posts.

So we'll take a catnap and come back to it all, we promise. Because aside from that great Supreme Court decision today, we also had a Presidential performance extraordinaire. And that was after his remarks this morning in the Rose Garden.

Good night for now — and may we wake up tomorrow still striving to embody the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion... and all that other stuff. We cats PURR.

Even MORE Evidence For RBG's Good Mood

By Baxter

On the day that the Supreme Court affirms gay marriage nationwide, it feels good to quote a queen.

No, seriously. We're talking about England's late Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother. Her most magic moment may have come during the Second World War, when Buckingham Palace, previously unscathed, was blitzed. "I'm glad we've been bombed," she said, surveying the damage. "Now I feel I can look the East End in the face."

Amen to that, Queenie. When we cross the border into Canada this weekend, we'll be happy that, for the first time as Americans, we can truly look that tolerant, diverse, marriage-equality-affirming country in the face. We cats PURR and PURR and PURR.

Obamacare: Who's Smiling, Who's Not

By Sniffles

Surely the millions of Americans (some leukemia-ridden) who would have lost their Obamacare coverage if today's Supreme Court decision had gone the other way must be raising a glass tonight. And whew, we don't blame them. What a relief it must be to know that the GOP wasn't able to snatch their healthcare away!

Then just for fun, we started to wonder who else must be celebrating. Which led us to think about who wasn't. Here's who we came up with, on both sides.

Everyone knows how Antonin Scalia feels. He made it abundantly clear with all that bile and colorful language he spouted from the bench. ("Jiggery-pokery"? What century is he from?) But as long as we're on the subject of vocabulary, we'd like to say that it's highly amusing that the name "Scalia" is so close to the word "sclerotic." (As Casey Stengel would say, you could look it up.)

And of course our teabaggy friends over at Free Republic are definitely not putting on a happy face. In fact, they've been raging all day — not knowing whether to impeach John Roberts or move to Costa Rica first. But if there's a heaven, and if Ted Kennedy is there, he's one grin-bearing angel right now. (Would President Obama have pushed so hard for healthcare reform early in his first term if Kennedy had not died when he did? We wonder.)

We cats have heard all day that, behind the scenes, the Republicans are relieved that they don't have to deal with the fallout of an adverse SCOTUS ruling. Horrors — they might have had to come up with an alternative! But balancing that out, we think, is the big headache they're going to have in the 2016 clown car race. The words "litmus test" come to mind. (And just imagine how rigid that litmus test will be if the Supremes uphold marriage equality nationwide!)

Finally, of course, we cats are thrilled. Sure, it might have been fun to watch Paul Ryan and his fellow House goofballs try to cobble together an ACA replacement by the middle of next week. But thanks, we'll take today's King v. Burwell decision over that any day. Many Americans will sleep easier tonight, thanks to the Supreme Court, and that makes us PURR.

First Evidence For RBG's Happy Mood

"Congress passed the Affordable Care Act to improve health insurance markets, not to destroy them."

—Chief Justice John G. Roberts, Jr.

We'd Like To See Fewer (Not Less) Republicans Like This

By Miss Kubelik

Sigh. Once again, we cats are trying to decide what to be more outraged about: Some idiotic South Carolina Republican making crass remarks about a national tragedy, or using bad grammar doing it.

The jackass in question, State Representative "William Chumley," is all bent out of shape that the nine Mother Emanuel shooting victims in Charleston didn't pack heat, or at least resist. We guess. What else could he mean when he burbles the unbelievably insensitive statement that his fellow state legislator, Clementa Pinkney, and the eight others "waited their turn to be shot"?

How does "Chumley" know? Was he there? Does he have hard evidence on how fast the white terrorist fired and reloaded? Is it possible that the white terrorist fired first shots to disable everyone, and then finished them off while they lay helpless or maybe already dead? Has "Chumley" spoken to the one eyewitness the white terrorist allowed to live? Is "Chumley" a cretin and a fool?

Yep to that last one.

And here's the icing on "Chumley's" very unappetizing cake: If the victims had had guns or fought back, he said, "We'd have less funerals than we're having."

When a Republican like "Chumley" says incredibly stupid things to disparage the dead and wound their already suffering survivors, we cats want to SNARL and claw his face off. But when he mangles the English language at the same time, we simply have to echo this uneducated South Carolina lowlife and ask: Why doesn't somebody just do something?

UPDATE: Oy, here's another baddie from a silly Republican flag defender in Topeka, Kansas: The head of the state division of the Sons of Confederate Veterans, he said, "should be knocking heads together instead of just laying [sic] down and rolling over." FAIL!

Flag Facts

By Zamboni

We cats love the province of Quebec. We love Montreal and Quebec City, adore Quebec wine and cheese, and wish we spoke the beautiful French language better. But we don't fly the Quebec flag, even for fun.

Why? Because people might think we are separatists. Which we are not.

See, that's the thing about symbols. They can carry meaning and messages that are not only powerful, but perhaps completely different than their creators intended. Quebec's provincial flag is a pretty one. But because the Parti Quebecois and the folks who want to split from Canada wave it for a cause we don't support, we avoid it.

We bring this up as a helpful illustration to America's current national discussion of the Confederate battle flag. Of course, there's one crucial difference: The designers of the Confederate flag clearly never meant their banner to be anything but a symbol of the dissolution of the Union. Later, it was seized upon by Southerners vehemently opposed to civil rights. (We've never seen Quebeckers flaunting the fleur-de-lis as they burn crosses, bomb churches, and shoot or string up innocent black people.)

We cats just want to go on the record that both notions — slavery, and separation from the American union our founders worked so hard to craft — are repugnant. And we HISS at anyone who would wear, bear or defend a flag that, like it or not, symbolizes either one.

Lest We Furr-get: The GOP And The Racists

By Baxter

One of the most heartening developments in the wake of the awful, awful event in Charleston last week is that the business community has seen the light on the whole Confederate flag thing.

Sears, eBay and Walmart shoppers looking for Stars and Bars paraphernalia will have to go elsewhere now. eBay will stop selling it, too. And it appears that the driving force behind Nikki Haley's call for the flag's dismantling in South Carolina was chamber of commerce types who — envisioning millions, maybe billions, of dollars in sales and corporate relocations slipping through the Palmetto State's fingers — frantically burned up the phone lines to both her and Lady Lindsey Graham.

It's a perfect microcosm of the Republican Party's ongoing dilemma: How to satisfy the more pragmatic, let's-just-make-a-buck businesspeople who traditionally support the GOP but at the same time not piss off the ferociously emotional right-wing ideologues who are forever looking for an excuse to leave it. All it takes is one glance at the furious comments on sites like Free Republic to know that this current incarnation of the Republican conundrum isn't going very well.

And we cats say: May it haunt them forever. After all, the racists and the bigots and the lynching defenders have found a comfortable home inside the GOP ever since Richard Nixon launched the Republicans' Southern Strategy in 1968 and '72. That's because the Democratic Party, led by Texan Lyndon Johnson, recognized that Martin Luther King, Jr. and the civil rights movement were on the right side of history, and were willing to enact legislation that brutally punished Democrats at the polls for generations. (John F. Kennedy didn't live to see it happen, but that's what we cats call a profile in courage.)

Meanwhile, Republicans have coddled and courted racists, excused them, reframed their roles, and have even spoken at their events — all while trying to maintain the fiction that GOP is somehow acceptable to soccer moms and other mainstream voters. It has made us ill for years, and we cats are thrilled that perhaps at last the charade is over.

Here is the God's honest truth about the Confederacy and its silly emblems. We can't say it any better, so we'll just quote Sally Jenkins in today's Washington Post. (And maybe not drive on Jeff Davis Highway for awhile.) We cats PURR.

"The Confederate battle flag is an American swastika, the relic of traitors and totalitarians, symbol of a brutal regime. The Confederacy was treason in defense of a still deeper crime against humanity: slavery. If weaklings find racial hatred to be a romantic expression of American strength and purity, make no mistake that it begins by unwinding a red thread from that flag."

Note To Nikki: Cancel Those Vice-Presidential Aspirations

By Sniffles

Well! Now that Nikki Haley and her fellow Republicans are caving left and right on the Confederate flag (which gives us HUGE Cheshire cat smiles), a new item has vaulted to the top of our to-do list: Get Terry McAuliffe to put the kibosh on Virginia's CSA specialty plates.

(Not that we see a lot of them around here. Our theory is that they've been supplanted by Virginia's Gadsden flag plates, which came on line in 2012 or so. Those, we see a lot of. Funny how cars with those plates always seem to have a fat white guy behind the wheel.)

But we digress — which we don't mean to do, because as soon as we could, we raced to the paranoid teabaggy corner of the Internet known as Free Republic to see what they were saying about Governor Haley's 180-degree spin on the battle flag of the Old South. Funfunfun, because boy, are they mad! We cats will step back now and let the Freepers do the rest:

"Nikki, you are dead to me. RINO."

"She apparently likes to sleep around."

"I hope she took a shower after hugging Clyburn."

"All white men must die. That’s the goal."

"This may the worst week for Western civilization in a while. We may see both the criminalization of the Confederate flag and Christianity this week."

"Governor Nimrata Randhawa... the adulteress slut."

"Women in leadership. Hmmmm..."

"She sure ain’t no southern belle."

"The time has come for Nikki H. to be voted out of office. She has no roots to South Carolina and obviously respect for or interest in our history."

"Half the people who vehemently oppose the display of the Confederate flag(s) don’t even know who their daddy was was [sic], much less who the [sic] great grandfathers [sic] or great grandfathers [sic] were or what they did or what they fought for. Those of us who know should, and will, remember."

(Meow! Why do we think this last little Freeper was already deep into the moonshine when he posted? We cats PURR.)

Casey Back At The Bat

By Miss Kubelik

Looks like a big abortion case will go back before the Supreme Court for the first time since Planned Parenthood v. Casey. This is thanks to foaming-at-the-mouth Republican legislators in Texas, who are doing everything in their power to keep a Constitutional right literally out of the reach of women by forcing most of the clinics in the vast Lone Star State to close.

How are they accomplishing this? By a dastardly tactic that Ken "My Fetus Is Better Than Your Born Woman" Cuccinelli tried to do here in Virginia — but which, thank goodness, Governor McAuliffe and other statewide Democrats are rolling back: enacting regulations that require abortion clinics to be as elaborately outfitted as hospitals.

"We're doing this for women's safety! We're doing this for women's health!" they bleat.

We cats say, piffle.

If the Republicans are so worried about women's health and safety, that concern would surely show up in their overall legislative record, right? But somehow, outside of abortion, which they hatehatehate, we're not seeing any GOP interest in or concern for women's welfare.

For example, where's the Republican-backed legislation for:

• Maternal and infant health clinics for underserved populations?
• Maternal nutrition programs for the poor?
• Tuition forgiveness, scholarship, residency and fellowship programs to encourage OB/GYNs or ARNPs to practice in poor, rural areas?
• Breast cancer screening programs?
• Subsidized access to birth control?
• Sensible, science-based programs on sex ed and birth control in middle schools and high schools?
• Support for FMLA? For equal pay?

And on and on... you get the idea.

So, mendacious members of the not-so-Grand Old Party, we cats call you out on this. And we dump a thousand dirty litter boxes in your underwear drawers. And, of course, HISS.

Yep, Take It Down

"I had a friend die Wednesday night for no reason other than he was a black man. Senator Pinckney was an incredible human being."

—State Representative Doug Brannon (R-Spartanburg) 

Doug Brannon — unlike the craven Lady Lindsey — has come to Jesus on the Confederate flag. He says he will introduce legislation in the next session to have the banner removed from South Carolina's statehouse grounds.

Let's hope that more Republicans come to recognize the flag for the rag of hate that it is. For our part, we cats just want to say we're sick of it: not just sick of the flag, but of the whole so-called "heritage" that it's supposed to represent.

We cats aren't usually profane. But it would be so wonderful if, in this centenary year of The Birth of the Nation, South Carolina decided to lose that fucking flag for good.

Dangerous, But Only Because Armed

By Zamboni

Well, this has been one heckuva terrible day. We cats hate to turn on the TV and see photos of lovely people who are now dead for no good reason other than this country's never-ending thirst for guns, guns and more guns. We're wondering if the father of the strangely spelled (and even more strangely coiffed) "Dylann" Roof feels any responsibility for the deaths of South Carolina State Senator Clementa Pinckney and eight others.

Why? Well, call us old-fashioned, but we cats can't imagine buying a .45-caliber pistol for a kid with a birthday. Especially one with an unhealthy admiration for apartheid and the odd notion that African Americans — even while they're being shot in the back and beaten and tasered and choked and wrestled to the ground and who knows what else by police officers nationwide — are somehow "taking over the country."

You know, we keep saying it, and like the President when he spoke about the Charleston massacre today, we are exhausted by it all. But we'll say it again: Give a loser like Roof — with his Moe Howard bowl cut and his white supremacist views — a handgun, and innocent people die. Keep the Glock out of his hands, and he stays in the basement eating Cheetos and chatting with other impotent men on hate sites, hurting no one.

Sorry, but we don't have anything more profound to say about Charleston than that. Except that we thought it was an interesting coincidence that the Supreme Court just happened to release today their decision relieving the state of Texas issuing specialty license plates with the Confederate flag. (Just the kind of thing "Dylann" Roof would put on his car, we bet.) The conservative justice who crossed the floor to vote with the lefties? Clarence Thomas. We cats PURR.

But... Isn't The Pope Infallible?

By Baxter

We cats aren't saying that. But we think that the Catholic passengers in the 2016 Republican clown car are supposed to think so.

So why are Rick Santorum and Jeb! Bush — and doubtless still to come, Rafael Cruz, Baby Marco Rubio and Piyush Jindal — bucking Francis on climate change?

'Cuz, the way we understand it, here's the deal:

• In the eyes of observant Catholics, the Pope is infallible.
• Rick, Jeb!, Rafael, Baby Marco and Piyush are practicing Catholics.
• The Pope says global warming is real, the science is real, and humans are not only in large part responsible for climate change, but also responsible for fixing the problem. (It's called stewardship.)
• Rick, Jeb!, Rafael, Baby Marco and Piyush either have already said — or, thanks to their obeisance to the Koch Brothers and the nutty Republican base, will have to say — that the Pope is absolutely, entirely, irrevocably wrong.
• But in the eyes of Catholics, the Pope is infallible.
• And Rick, Jeb!, Rafael, Baby Marco and Piyush are practicing Catholics....

And on, and on. We cats are confused, but for the time being, suspecting massive Republican mendacity, we HISS.

Lest We Furr-get: Who "Politicized" Religion?

By Sniffles

We cats want to say to Jeb! Bush and Rick Santorum and Marco Rubio and all those other self-righteous Republican Catholics:

When it comes to climate change, we're with the Pope.

(Wow! Did we just do that? Side with the guy who runs the big palace in Rome with all the old queens in long dresses? We did! There's no better measure of what a rockin' and rollin' pontiff ol' Frankie is than that.)

But back to the Republicans — specifically, Bush. He's just one day out of the official 2016 gate and has already said something hilarious. (Well, another thing that was hilarious.) Here's the latest: Bristling at the Pope's concern that humankind is abusing the planet God put them in charge of, Bush sniffed to Sean Hannity, "Religion ought to be about making us better as people, less about things [that] end up getting into the political realm."

HAHAHAHAHAHA, what a joke, Jeb!

Wait — it is a joke, right? After all, how can you take offense at somebody "politicizing religion" when your party began perfecting that strategy as far back as 1980? Do the names Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, James Dobson, Ralph Reed, Gary Bauer, Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, Tony Perkins, Judge Roy Moore, Fred Phelps, and Billy and Franklin Graham mean anything to you? (We cats are sure we've missed somebody, so please write us.) When you, Jeb!, personally cited your Catholic faith to justify interfering with a Florida family's personal medical decisions? We can't stop laughing.

It's so incredible that the guy who's considered the "establishment moderate" comes out with crap like this and nobody seems to call him on it but us feline bloggers. Our irritation is compounded by our concern that Bush will continue to be dubbed "the reasonable one" when nutcases like Donald Trump keep jumping into the race. Journalists, can we please order up some institutional memory? Until then, we cats HISS.

If Today Was Bush's Fort Sumter, We Can't Wait To Get To Pickett's Charge

By Miss Kubelik

Well, Michael Schiavo might not have "picketted" the Jeb! Bush announcement today — but thanks to our nutty right-wing friends over at Free Republic, we see that he was interrupted by pro-immigration protesters. And that was after some technical glitch delayed the event.

So, can you tell we cats were very busy, and didn't get a chance to lap up the Jeb! coverage? And since we're still pressed for time, we once again turn to the Freepers for incisive commentary on the man who (in their view) "let Terri Schiavo die":

"I am not voting for Jeb Bush and here’s a pre-emptive 'BITE ME!' to all the RINOs who will argue that I should!"

"Can’t vote for him. I’ll write in Cruz, but I won’t vote for the Shrub."

"Cruz!!! Screw the Jebster!!!"

"Bush is DOA and the RINOS and Republican elites had better realize it before they make another gross error."

"Wouldn’t be prudent to vote for more shrubs."

"I support Ted Cruz, a true conservative."

"At the point he declared illegal border crossings an 'act of love,' he became an enemy to the USA. "

And finally, here's our favorite, bar none:

"I find him arrogant and obnoxious. I would like to like him a little. But I am finding that hard."

That poor, struggling little Freeper! We cats PURR.

Michael Schiavo Should "Pickett" (Pun Intended) The Announcement

By Zamboni

So, Jeb! Bush will try to shake off his problems with a big campaign-hoopla thingy tomorrow? Maybe that's what he thinks he's doing — but today's story in The New York Times only made us laugh. Here are two reasons.

"By hiring [new campaign manager Danny] Diaz," the Times reported, "Mr. Bush wanted to send a clear signal that 'the culture of the Bush operation will now be a Pickett's Charge engagement campaign with his main opponents,' according to one Bush ally."
 
Pickett's Charge? The Bush campaign wants to emulate Pickett's Charge? Do they not know that Pickett's Charge was a dismal failure — the Gallipoli of the battle of Gettysburg, and a tactical error from which the South never recovered?

We cats say, fine. If the Bush campaign wants to get slaughtered the same way the Confederates did on that hot July day in 1863, we won't stand in their way. We just wish that, having heard such an inane remark from their anonymous Bush sources, the Times reporters had pointed that out — and asked for comment. Sigh.

The other "it is to laugh" moment in the article came at the end: "Advisers and allies of Mr. Bush believe that the race has only just begun and that Mr. Bush will have the money and a set of strong performances in the televised debates (or so they hope) to help him in the long fight for the nomination."

When has Jeb! Bush ever debated opponents in the past? Let's see: Lawton Chiles cleaned his clock in 1994, after which he prevailed over Buddy MacKay in 1998 and the incompetent Bill McBride in 2002. He hasn't debated in almost 14 years — and never against a cast of going-for-the-jugular teabagger clowns, with 12 other people on the stage. "Strong performances"? We cats won't hold our breath. Because we're too busy PURRing.

No Shame

By Baxter

It seems that nothing will cure Republicans of their holier-than-thou, we-know-better entitled tendencies. How else do you explain Jeb! Bush's  belief that a little shame can cure society's ills — especially when it comes to the behavior of women?

This makes us cats want to hack up a hairball. Not just because it is totally not Jeb! Bush's business who got pregnant and by whom and when, but because the Bush clan is so, so, so not qualified to throw stones, living in the huge glass houses that they do.

After all, how it can be anything but fair to mandate shame for:

• Columba, for her extravagant spending, her violation of US Customs laws, and her hiding of same from her husband, to whom (according to Republican evangelical belief) she must submit?
• Noelle, for her moral weakness, her drug and alcohol addictions, and the probable dicey behavior she engaged in to score more drugs?
• George P., for his aggressive womanizing as a young man in Tallahassee (when his dad was moral arbiter in the state of Florida at the time)?
• Jeb, Jr., Mr. GOP ambassador to the millennial generation, for his undisclosed but rumored "troubles" as a teen?
• And let's throw in brother Neil and his underage Thai prostitutes for good measure!

Really, the whole Bush family just screams out for Old-Testament, pillar-of-salt judgment and retribution. After all, Jeb!'s silly "Profiles in Character" book is the license to do so. So let's all indulge! We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Now, that's a scarlet letter.)

Play A Dirge For The Iowa Straw Poll

By Sniffles

So, should we blame Michele Bachmann? The Iowa straw poll is officially dead.

Nope, we cats think the Republicans (and particularly, the evangelicals) have no one to blame for the straw poll's demise but Jeb! Bush. Jeb!, who — even though his daddy won the Iowa caucuses in 1980, 1988 and 1992, and even though his brother, the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived, won them in 2000 and 2004 – did not even make a halfhearted phony statement about being interested in playing the poll. (These Bushes. They're so shallow and soulless, aren't they?)

Which means that thanks to his official lack of enthusiasm, Jeb! helped give cover to everyone else in the Republican clown car who subsequently said he wasn't going to play. And today, the Music Man died.

On the other hand, we cats are not exactly heartbroken. The death of the straw poll probably means a little less GOP organizing in the Hawkeye State, making it a tad easier for Hillary to pick it up in general. It also frees up time and money for each clown car member to campaign in other states. And with the primary calendar the way it is, it means the various clowns will probably get enough delegates in March to survive to an open convention. Good for us Democrats, we're thinking.

And no Iowa straw poll means one less opportunity for the also-rans to break out of the pack — so they'll have to go desperate earlier. Way good for us. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Cancel the tents, and the bands, and the corn dogs, GOP Hawkeyes. Your Republican Party ain't gonna give Iowa a try.)

Australian Couple Fails Jesus's Commandment, But Also Grammar

By Baxter

When we cats first read that a married couple in Australia has vowed to divorce if the country legalizes marriage equality, we thought it was a joke. In fact, a part of us still does. What better way to get 15 minutes of fame and sucker the media and the public at the same time?

But on the off-chance that they're serious, we just have to say, how ridiculous. They claim to be Christian, but as we recall, Jesus told his followers to "Love thy neighbor as thyself." (And how does someone else's marriage affect theirs? Baffling.)

But in the long run, we cats don't give a rodent's behind about these misguided people. Here's what really set us off: "This has been a big decision for my wife and I," the husband huffed self-importantly.

FAIL! We'll be happy to debate marriage equality with this loser as soon as he learns to speak the English language. We cats HISS.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Campaign Catch-Up

By Miss Kubelik

The last we checked, it was still 2015, but you know how those campaigns for the White House are. (Hint: endless, endless.) Sometimes we cats think that Parliamentary systems have it right: Weeks-long instead of months-long — or even years-long — electioneering.

But this is America. And if you're political junkies like we are, you still get into the campaign gossip, even at this relatively early stage. And goodness gracious, there was a lot of it today. Let's take stock.

So Baby Marco Rubio is constantly criticizing government spending but can't seem to control his own. As former residents of the Sunshine State, we cats well remember how fond Baby Marco was of charging personal stuff to his Florida Republican Party credit card, so today's New York Times story came as no surprise. What's interesting, though, is Baby's strategic decision to play the Palin victim card on every one of his financial problems. If he remains a serious candidate, it just dares journalists to dig more. Fun!

Meanwhile, Jeb! Bush is going through a rough patch. He's fired folks, his PAC might not crack the $100 million mark after all, and seasoned political watchers have pronounced him in official trouble. With somebody as established as Larry Sabato making the diagnosis, now the rest of the mainstream media will be required to pile on. More fun!

Over in the Buckeye State, John Kasich has recruited Fred Davis to his super PAC. Now, we fail to understand why the creator of the "I am not a witch" spot for Christine O'Donnell is a good pick, but we do know from other campaigns that Davis is a bomb thrower. So this could be interesting. Who does Kasich-under-Davis go after first — Walker, Bush, Christie? Because Jeb! is having such a bad week, we nominate him. But in general, we say, knock yourselves out, guys. Nothing we like better than a bunch of Republicans tearing each other apart.

And then there's Amanda Carpenter. Who? you might ask. She's the vile Ann-Coulter-wannabe of Republican digital media, and she's leaving Rafael Cruz's Senate staff to go back on her own. Hm. We can't help but think this hurts Cruz. And if she ends up with any other Presidential campaign, it'll be a huge embarrassment for him. Which after his behavior last week, he richly deserves (and then some).

Finally, let's take a break from the GOP clown car and make a brief mention of Hillary. The world has noticed her "vast network" of staff and volunteers. And this is a bad thing? We love it. So much better to be hiring on-the-ground organizers than frittering away big bucks on high-priced (and ultimately useless) consultants. In fact, we cats have yet to read or hear anything about her 2016 campaign that causes us concern or alarm. Which makes us PURR.

Out Of Step

By Zamboni

It's occurred to us cats that being gay is so trendy now — witness last night's Tony awards, for the latest example — that it's in danger of becoming passe. All this before the Supreme Court hands down its decision on marriage equality nationwide.

But Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is not waiting. He's already (pardon the expression) "come out" against same-sex marriage and has called for a Constitutional amendment banning it.

We cats think this is great. In fact, it's exactly the move we hoped that leading Republicans would make. Why? Because marriage equality is supported by most clear-thinking Americans, and the latest polls affirm that. If the Republican Party wants to be outside the mainstream on this issue, we couldn't be happier.

So, Scotty — and the rest of the intolerant GOP field — have at it! We Democrats can't wait to welcome all the voters you're alienating with your hateful, narrow views.

P.S.: These most recent polls are especially satisfying in the wake of the brutal weekend that the Biden family just spent. Why? Because Joe Biden set the stage for the Obama Administration's embrace of marriage equality — and because the idiotic Westboro Baptist Church jackasses just got chased in Wilmington by 100 or so pro-Biden demonstrators, who believed that their beloved fellow Delawareans deserved space to grieve.

It's ancillary to the fact that the Westboro hatemongering has fallen completely out of favor with America, but we cats love that fact nevertheless. And we PURR.

"A Heart Is Not Judged By How Much You Love, But By How Much You Are Loved By Others"

Doesn't this picture say it all? We cats can't think of another Vice President's son (or daughter) who would have received the tributes that Beau Biden earned today.

WWSRD? (What Would St. Ronnie Do?)

By Sniffles

We cats are, um, not big fans of Ronald Reagan. We liked the other guy. (See above.) And we're even prouder that the "other guy" has been busy for the last 30 years waging peace, fighting disease and building hope — while Reagan spent his post-Presidency riding horses, withering away from Alzheimer's, and being generally useless on his California ranch.

But there's one thing we're pretty sure Ronald Reagan would never have done: Tell jokes about a well-liked Democratic rival while said rival was in the midst of burying his beloved older son.

It's so indicative of Rafael Cruz's lack of understanding of Ronald Reagan's character that he would have posted on his website a tribute to Ronnie today — on the 11th anniversary of his death — without an inkling of how Reagan would have shaken his head and clucked at Cruz's bad Biden behavior. So Cruz's Ronnie worship is laid bare: It's as hollow as the sympathy he expressed for the Biden family before a reporter called him out Wednesday night.

These effing Republicans say they're such great Christians. Piffle. The real Christian — in addition to Biden, of course — is on the right in the picture above. (Although we are wondering why he turned the Oval Office into a tropical rain forest.) We cats PURR.

And Here's The Family Cruz Thought It Was Appropriate To Joke About

We cats doubt that the Bidens are even aware of Rafael Cruz's existence this week, but if they ever are, it might be comforting for them to learn that sane people are barfing all over Cruz in their defense.

Here are just a few of the choicest comments about Cruz that we found over at New York magazine:

“Man, it’s going to feel good imagining Cruz's overwhelming sense of failure when he inevitably drops out of the race.”

“Ted Cruz is and always will be one sick, disgusting human. He will never be president of anything.”

“Ted Cruz is a tragedy no one should have to endure.”

“May even a scumbag like Cruz never suffer the loss of a child or a wife, though I doubt he’d handle it with even a fraction of the dignity and grace that Biden has.”

“Cruz is a classless, clueless bratty child who is always embarrassingly inappropriate.”

“Apologies can’t fix a lack of character, no matter how many mea culpas he issues. Moron.”

“When you’re a walking joke to begin with, you don’t know how to stop making them.”

“What a classless, clueless yahoo.”

“I wish he had drowned in Houston two weeks ago. Oh, don’t worry, I plan to go on Twitter in a few and apologize sincerely.”

“He nearly drowned in Houston? Which idiot saved him?"

(PHOTO: Patrick Semansky, AP)

Just Walk Up To Someone And Say "Rafael Cruz" And They Will Throw Up On You

By Baxter

The Biden family began three days of agonizing ceremony today as Beau Biden lay in honor at the state capitol in Wilmington. We cats checked in on some of the C-SPAN coverage and were amazed anew at the dignity and utter class of Joe, Jill, their kids and grandkids as they hugged and shook hands with the hundreds of people who came through the receiving line.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the planet, civility-wise, there's Rafael Cruz — who, while piously proclaiming sympathy for the Bidens when a reporter's microphone gets stuck in his face, still tells jokes about the Vice President at Republican events. This week, in fact.

Confronted by the reporter about it, Cruz simply turned and walked away. (Later, his staff issued a lame apology.)

You know what would have happened if a Democratic Presidential candidate had told a joke about the previous occupant of the Vice Presidency, had that previous occupant suffered a similar loss?

Here's what:

• The Second Amendment nuts would be screaming for someone to get a gun and execute the offending Democrat on the spot.
• FOX "News" would be playing video clips — of either the joke or the exchange with the reporter — endlessly for a week, bringing on scores upon scores upon scores of pundits to explain how incredibly offensive and inappropriate and typical of nasty liberals the whole incident was.

(Of course, we can't imagine Hillary Clinton, Martin O'Malley, Lincoln Chafee or Bernie Sanders doing such a thing, but never mind.)

So, what are we to do about Rafael Cruz? Not much, we think. We expect that he'll soon be pushed from the very crowded 2016 Republican clown car — preferably while it's going at about 80 miles an hour.

How do we know? Well, check out some of the comments that people posted at the nonpolitical site known as YouTube. We rest our case. And we PURR.

"What a dick."
"What a stand-up guy."
"What a vile and truly evil to the core, walking flesh sack."
"What a disgusting and shameless man."
"He’s a dick. Plain and simple."
"How did this creep get elected to anything???"
"What a disgusting excuse for a human being. What a sh*t stain."
"One word: VILE."
"This idiot has dug his own grave."
"Too bad he couldn’t be a human being 14 seconds and apologize."
"Adios, dipsh*t."

When Parizeau Channeled His Inner Lott (Or Vice Versa)

By Miss Kubelik

Jacques Parizeau died this week. Before you ask what team he played for and if he won any Stanley Cups, let us cats explain that Parizeau did not come from the world of hockey — except that he used to be premier of one of the sport's most ardent homes, Quebec.

And 20 years ago this October, Jacques Parizeau nearly convinced Quebeckers to break away from Canada and start their own country.

You can read all about it in this book, but here's the bottom line: The "no" side won with just over 1 percent of the vote. For those of us who care that Canada remains united as well as strong and free, it was a mighty close shave.

That's one reason we cats are kind of unmoved by Parizeau's departure. The other reason is what he did after he lost the election.

So confident of the outcome that he neglected to write a concession speech (gee, who does that remind us of?), Parizeau stepped up to the microphones and said this: "It's true that we were beaten but we were beaten by what? By money and ethnic votes." Eeek! By the end of December, he was out of politics. The president of the Rabbinical Council of Montreal perhaps put it best: "Defeat is a test of character which Parizeau has failed."

But lest we Americans start feeling superior to the frustrated Quebec separatists of 1995, let us remember that only a few years later, Trent Lott pulled a Jacques Parizeau when he said that the United States "wouldn't have had all these problems over the years" if the country had just elected Dixiecrat and segregationist Strom Thurmond President in 1948. Whoops! — there went Trent.

It's interesting to us cats that both of these, um, gentlemen got in trouble by dissing whole groups of their fellow citizens. This is something that we particularly dislike, and which the millions of idiots who slime other people on social media could take a lesson from. But sadly, too often, unlike Lott and Parizeau the perpetrators are rarely made to pay.

And you know what? Here in America, a whole lot of them are Republicans. We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: Jacques Parizeau, October 30, 1995, committing political suicide.)

Gold Dress? Check. Gold Medal For Grammar? Check.

By Zamboni

We cats are not sure we have anything to say about Caitlyn Jenner. Although she's transitioning from Bruce — and many congratulations on that, by the way — from what we can tell, she's still a Republican. Ugh. Make the break, Caitlyn, make the break!

But aside from all that, this quote from Jenner in Vanity Fair caught our eye:

"If I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never ever did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, ‘You just blew your entire life.'"

We cats PURR in Caitlyn's direction for saying "lying" and not "laying." Well done!

And The Sky Is Green And Pigs Can Fly

By Sniffles

As the passengers in the Republican clown car piled on fellow clown Rand Paul for his opposition to the PATRIOT Act, Jeb! Bush dropped some real doozies. As in, statements based on fantasy, not fact.

"What I admire most about my brother was he kept us safe. And I believe people will respect him for a long time because of that."

Kept us safe! Does Jeb! think that we're all going to forget that the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived presided over 9/11? That his famous response to the CIA officer who delivered the August 6, 2001 Presidential Daily Brief was "Okay, you've covered your ass now"?

And here's the other Jebbian gem, addressed more or less to Paul: "I know what will happen if there is an attack on our country. A lot of people [will] say, 'Where were you?'"

And where was the Worst Person on September 11? Reading My Pet Goat in a Florida schoolroom. Of course, that was before he hopped on Air Force One and scampered around the country like a scared rabbit.

We cats never cease to be amazed how the Worst Person gets a pass on this. We hope, sincerely hope, that on the day that Bob Schieffer is claiming that the press wasn't "skeptical enough" of candidate Barack Obama in 2008, some journalist somewhere has the balls to ask Jeb! about these outrages in 2016. "Kept us safe"! We cats HISS.

Things That Remind Us Of Things (Again)

We cats can't help it: Whenever we see Rand Paul like this, we think of Lee Harvey Oswald. Are we crazy?