A recent CNN poll of Republicans in Iowa had Donald Trump significantly out in front, with the cross-eyed college dropout from Wisconsin third behind the crazy pediatric neurosurgeon who doesn't understand the meaning of the term "anti-Semitic."
Since the poll was conducted before this weekend's Iowa state fair, Trump's numbers are no doubt even higher. Amazing what giving a few kids helicopter rides can do.
However, we cats are most interested in the sorry-ass numbers that Jeb! Bush posted in that poll. He was in seventh place — tied with Squirrel-Haired Rand Paul and Baby Marco Rubio at 5 percent.
Wow, that's really bad. So bad that we speculated whether Jeb! would have to pull out of Iowa altogether. But then we remembered: Bush, as the alleged, Establishment-anointed "front runner," can't afford to pull out of Iowa. He also can't afford to stay in (and come in sixth, seventh or lower).
This got us started on all sorts of amusing parallel constructions. Examples:
Bush can't afford to speak the truth about the mess his brother, The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived, made in Iraq. But he can't afford not to admit that invading Iraq was a mistake.
Bush can't afford to talk about how egregiously he interfered with a family's personal medical decisions in the Terri Schiavo case. But he can't afford to talk about how (in the teabags' view) he let Terri Schiavo die.
Bush can't afford to admit that he said he'd do "probably nothing" for black voters in Florida. But he can't afford to avoid discussing how the GOP has to be more inclusive of minorities.
And it just goes on like that. We invite you to play this parlor game at your next cocktail party, and send us the best pairings. In the meantime, we cats PURR.
(IMAGE: "Trouble In River City," from The Music Man. We consider any hour spent in the company of Robert Preston to be golden.)
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