DNA Stands For "Don't," "No," "Absolutelynot"

By Sniffles

We cats have a rule not to trash other Democrats on this blog. Even if the opposition were not so terrible, infighting is ridiculous. But we're willing to make a quick exception today for Elizabeth Warren.

Clarification: We're not really trashing her. Her career fighting on behalf of consumers' rights is exemplary. We're happy that she's the bane of bankers' existence and a member of the Senate. But now that she's announced an exploratory committee for a 2020 Presidential run, we can't wait to receive her first fundraising email so we can immediately hit UNSUBSCRIBE.

Why? Because "Pocahontas." Warren committed the stupidest error of her life when she allowed herself to be goaded by Donald Trump and took a DNA test that raised more questions than it answered. Trump sure had fun with that! (And take it from us and the Interwebs — the memes will never stop.)

The most important qualification for the 2020 Democratic nominee is whether he/she can beat Benedict Donald. Warren has already proven she can't. We cats HISS.

Spitting Image

By Hubie and Bertie

Is there anyone who doesn't think the Republican Party has a woman problem? Oh — maybe the Republicans themselves. Or, at least, Republican men.

Take the GOP caucus in the House of Representatives. Stunned to be facing minority status (many for the first time), with their female members down to just a handful, they still think that if they only improve their messaging, they can stage a comeback with women in 2020. It's the PR — not the policies — that's the problem, they aver.

We cats say, fine, let them think that. But the Republicans could have already taken a small, symbolic step in the right direction last month, by electing a woman as chairman of the Republican Congressional Campaign Committee. Congresswoman Ann Wagner (R-MO) wanted the job, and it would have been a nice gesture to female voters that maybe, just maybe, the GOP hears them.

But whoops! — guess what? They didn't. Tom Emmer of Minnesota will spearhead the Republicans' efforts to climb back into the majority. Yep, a very conservative white dude will lead the charge to keep Republicans from being abandoned by American women for generations.

Here's how we'll judge his performance: How many of the candidates Emmer recruits to run for the 40 seats the Republicans lost will look and think exactly like him? We cats think we know the answer, and we HISS and PURR at the same time.

Dim On Perffaith

We cats are sick and tired of hearing stories about black people and other minorities being threatened and abused by Trumpster-types for simply going about their business in public. So we just had to share this.

Choice, And No Choice

By Baxter

We cats used to live in Ohio. Boy, are we glad we moved.

Today, the Ohio Senate failed to override a veto by Governor John Kasich of a "heartbeat bill" that would have denied the state's women their Constitutional right to choose. But it was only by one vote, and as the jackass Senate President reminds everyone, next session the anti-woman Republicans will have a supermajority in the state legislature.

We find it hard to believe that the majority of people in the Buckeye State want that level of government interference in their personal lives. Nevertheless, the sword of Damocles continues to dangle over female Ohioans — and over countless women in other states of the union.

Meanwhile, Ruth Bader Ginsburg was discharged from Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center yesterday. Talk about close votes — she ruled on Benedict Donald's asylum restrictions while she was hospitalized, resulting in a 5-4 smackdown. And with the Rapist Kavanaugh on the court now, what's to become of Roe v. Wade?

We can guarantee you that the anti-choice forces are already grooming court cases to send up to the SCOTUS so Roe can be struck down. And then women — and especially young women — all across America will have to decide what to do.

We cats are fixed, and therefore don't have to personally worry about Roe's fate. But we care anyway. Because a woman cannot be a free citizen unless she has the right to determine her reproductive destiny. With that in jeopardy, we HISS.

Benedict "Bone Spurs" Donald Screws Up Again

"Donald Trump and the White House communications team revealed that a US Navy SEAL team was deployed to Iraq after the President secretly traveled to the region to meet with American forces serving in a combat zone for the first time since being elected to office.

"While the Commander-in-Chief can declassify information, usually the presence of a special operations unit...showing their faces would not be revealed to the American public, especially while the US service members were still deployed. [T]he information is almost always classified and is a violation of operational security.

"'Even during special operation demonstrations for Congressional delegations or for the President or Vice President, personnel either have their faces covered or their face is digitally blurred prior to a release to the general public,' [a DOD] official said.

"The President’s video did not blur the faces of special operation forces."

 —Newsweek, December 26, 2018

Inconvenient Truths

When the President is a demon of darkness, we rely on people like the former Director of the Office of Government Ethics to shine a light.

Spirit Of Christmas

By Miss Kubelik

While Benedict Donald is whining about being "alone" in the White House (didn't Moose & Squirrel and Prince Fancy Pants fly back from Florida to be with him?), Beto O'Rourke is volunteering his butt off for migrants in El Paso, Texas.

That's because ICE released hundreds of them onto the streets without any help — no money, no resources. Revoltingly, ICE did this on Christmas Eve, and intends to release more people today and tomorrow. Beto is organizing volunteers to give the migrants food, clothing and transportation. He's also directing people across the country who want to help to give to El Paso's immigrant support organization, Annunciation House. (To contribute, click here.)

We got the terrible news today that another migrant child died in US custody today. Thankfully, at least the asylum seekers in El Paso are getting the help they need. We cats PURR.

No Holiday Cheer In Benedict Donald's World

By Zamboni

Admittedly, all the Presidents and First Ladies pictured here with their families on Christmas are Democrats. But if we cats wanted to, we could easily add holiday photos of Bushes, Fords, Eisenhowers and Nixons.

Our point is this: No matter how much we disagreed with them, past Republican Presidents behaved normally at the holidays and served as a good-will rallying point for all Americans, no matter what their faiths or belief systems. It's just something that Presidents do.

Except now. Today, we have a malevolent creature in the White House who is isolated and aggrieved — not even trying to wish the country well. "A picture of a lost and damaged soul," as a conservative writer for The New York Times put it.

Scary stuff, folks. We can only hope, as the world enters another Silent Night, that somebody on the national security team keeps Mr. Pity Party away from the nuclear football. We cats HISS.

Christmas 2018: A Summary, By The Incoming (Thank God) Speaker Of The House

"It's Christmas Eve, and Donald Trump is plunging the country into chaos. The stock market is tanking and the president is waging a personal war on the Federal Reserve — after he just fired the Secretary of Defense.

"Instead of bringing certainty into people's lives, Donald Trump is continuing the Trump Shutdown, just to please right-wing radio and TV hosts.

"Meanwhile, different people from the same White House are saying different things about what Donald Trump would accept or not accept to end his Trump Shutdown, making it impossible to know where they stand at any given moment.

"Donald Trump wanted the Trump Shutdown, but he seems not to know how to get himself out of it.

"As long as Donald Trump is guided by the House Freedom Caucus, it's hard to see how he can come up with a solution that can pass both the House and the Senate and end his Trump Shutdown."

These Days, It Pays To Accentuate The Positive

By Sniffles

It's Christmas week, and everything is terrible. We're wondering if America has spent a worse, more sword-of-Damocles holiday season than 2018. Maybe in the depths of the Great Depression? After the Kennedy assassination? We're finding it hard to come up with a parallel, because the nation's very institutions today are at risk.

And Vladimir Putin is doing cartwheels.

So let's focus on a happy political subject, shall we? Specifically, how fortunate the state of Hawaii is in its Senators.

It wasn't too long ago that the Aloha State was represented by two dudes with a ton of seniority — one of whom was a storied war (and Watergate) hero. When the two Daniels — Akaka and Inouye — passed from the scene, plenty of people asked if Hawaii could recover from losing their big clout in Washington.

Well, wonder no more. Hawaii is represented in the Senate by a badass and a Twitter fiend.

Mazie Horono is someone Donald Trump should think twice about crossing. A member of the Senate Judiciary and Armed Services Committees and an intrepid cancer survivor, Mazie has called out the Trumpsters — literally — on their BS many times. Asked about the current government shutdown, Hirono said, "Trump has to take responsibility for it. Any effort on his part to blame the Democrats will be such bullshit, that I would hardly be able to stand it."

Brian Schatz's tweets, meanwhile, continue to make us LOL. Even a 22-hour round-trip between Washington and Honolulu and back to Washington again did not keep him from hitting the nail on the head this week about the Republicans' idiocy. "Wheels down IAD ready to vote no on this stupid wall," he tweeted on Friday morning. He's also been trying to figure out Trump's strange obsession with a non-wall wall. "Can someone explain this slats thing to me?" he pleaded. "Update: No one knows why slats."

Summary: Hawaii has two great, progressive US Senators who reflect the diversity of their great state, are media savvy and, most of all, fearless. We cats love them both. And we PURR.

The GOP Is Killing America — And Women

By Hubie and Bertie

Today was the shortest day of the year. Thank God.

It also seemed like the longest. The stock market, Syria, the Mattis resignation, the "I won't blame you Democrats" Trump shutdown, on top of Mueller and the SDNY closing in... seems like somebody — either Benedict Donald or the Vichy Republicans — will crack soon. The only question is which one.

Meanwhile, in addition to letting the government shut down, the GOP has allowed the Violence Against Women Act to lapse. Again.

We cats would like our Republican Congresswoman, Elise Stefanik, to explain this to us. Elise was haplessly charged with recruiting more Republican women to run for Congress this year, to help bolster the GOP's female representation on Capitol Hill in 2019 and beyond. Suffice to say, she failed miserably. Gee! Maybe it was because of her party's policies, which are repulsive to any thinking person who has a vagina?

Stefanik, like her party, is a joke. Sadly, the rest of America isn't laughing. We cats HISS.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Impending Doom Edition

By Baxter

It's been another stellar week in the Drumpf Administration (not). The stock market is cratering, government's in chaos, and Benedict Donald is about to jet off to Florida to play golf while thousands of federal workers are furloughed right before Christmas. Trump sure is mad that his foundation got shuttered, isn't he?? (P.S. The Clinton Foundation, which Trump accused of all sorts of malfeasance, is open and operating.)

After all these dizzying adventures, we have a few thoughts.

Secretary of Defense James Mattis has resigned over Trump's withdrawal from Syria. (We hear his resignation letter is a real barn-burner.) Now Trump is making noises about leaving Afghanistan. We can only come to one conclusion: Trump is pulling troops out so he won't have to go visit any of them.

We have to admit we've only come to social media fairly recently, but we've never seen such a primal scream over the resignation of the head DOD guy. Suddenly, we have a case of the jitters.

Meanwhile, spare a thought for Senator Brian Schatz (D-Hawaii), who just flew 11 hours home for the holiday and, thanks to a Senate vote on a House bill that's not going to pass, has to turn around and fly 11 hours back to DC. Maybe he can use his flight time to figure out that whole slats thing. (P.S. Senator, when you do, please clue us cats in.)

Finally, our hero, Virginia Delegate Danica Roem (D-Prince William County), had the best riposte to Benedict Donald and his Imma-shutting-the-gummint-down hissy fit:

"When you’re President of the United States, your Christmas vacation to Florida should be the least of your concerns when your constituents — hundreds of whom are also mine — have their livelihoods on the line as federal workers and contractors. Stop screwing with their paychecks.

"Respect civil servants. Pay them and pay them on time." We cats PURR.

Farewell To A Failure And A Fraud

By Miss Kubelik

Paul Ryan has never held a job outside the public sector, which he is now leaving. We assume that he'll land cushily at some right-wing think tank, at which not much thinking will go on.

But at the moment Ryan is preparing his "farewell address" to the House of Representatives, over whose flip to Democratic control he presided as a lame-duck Speaker. It's hard to believe that anyone could make us long for the days of John Boehner, but Ryan pulled it off.

Mr. Ayn Rand has spent the last two years presiding over a ballooning deficit (now touching $779 billion) and busily not pushing back on Benedict Donald's perfidy and treason. He handed his party over to Trump in 2016 with barely a whimper, and it's gotten worse since. His silence about all the Trumpian outrages, punctuated by occasional bleats of feeble protest, makes us wonder how much NRA-laundered Russian money has filled campaign coffers. Not as much as that huge national deficit, but surely it's a lot.

For these and a million other reasons, we despise Paul Ryan as we loathe few other Republicans. He coasted along for years on a wholly undeserved reputation as a reasonable guy and a policy wonk, when in reality he was a far-right idealogue and a faux Catholic who never stopped trying to take safety-net support or healthcare away from his fellow Americans. Heck, even as the most important Republican in Congress, he couldn't save Wisconsin cheese. We cats won't miss him one iota, and we HISS.

FBI Guy Challenges House GOP To A Fight

By Zamboni

We cats generally greet any James Comey news item with a sigh and an eye roll. We'll never forget (or forgive) the fact that he stopped Hillary Clinton's momentum mere days before the 2016 election with another ridiculous email review.

Now he's decrying the Republicans' focus on emailsemailsemails, and obviously his protestations ring a little hollow. It's how we feel when we hear members of the mainstream GOP gnashing their teeth and hand-wringing over the Texas ruling on Obamacare. (You're so upset, don't bring the anti-ACA suit in the first place, you know?)

On the other hand, there are times when we're glad Comey's around. Like when he stopped Alberto Gonzales and Andrew Card from getting reauthorization for domestic surveillance from a hospitalized John Ashcroft in 2004. Or when he's letting Republicans have it after six hours of closed-door testimony today.

"At some point, someone has to stand up and face the fear of Fox News, fear of their base, fear of mean tweets, stand up for the values of this country and not slink away into retirement but stand up and speak the truth," he said. "Republicans used to understand that the actions of a President matter, the words of a President matter, the rule of law matters and the truth matters. Where are those Republicans today?"

So James Comey's driving the GOP and the Trumpsters crazy? Fine.

And remember this: If James Comey had not gotten under Donald Trump's skin the way he did, and inspired Benedict Donald to fire him, there would be no Mueller investigation now. On such slender threads the survival of democracy hangs. We cats PURR.

Will What Goes Around Come Around?

By Sniffles

What looks like a cheesy gossip site is reporting that Melania Trump is worried about Benedict Donald's health.

"Donald is still under immense stress right now...He feels like he’s being attacked from all sides and that his enemies will stop at nothing to bring him down, and Melania can’t help worrying about how his body is dealing with all that stress, which keeps growing by the day."

Are we concerned? Only because Mike Pence cannot, under any circumstances, become President. (The media would give him a honeymoon like you wouldn't believe.) Otherwise, since Trump murdered this little Guatemalan girl at the Mexico-US border, we couldn't care less. And we HISS.

Decreasing The Surplus Population

By Hubie and Bertie

It's amazing how durable the message of A Christmas Carol is. No, not that a curmudgeonly misanthrope could be made to see the error of his ways — but that human beings are so guilty of neglecting the least among them.

As you can tell from nearly everything he wrote, Charles Dickens was appalled by the plight of the have-nots. Scrooge's protest of "Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses?" echoes every time a privileged member of society protests that he needn't do more to alleviate the sufferings of his fellow human beings.

Similarly, how shocking and disgusting was the plight of Jackelin Caal Maquin, the seven-year-old Guatemalan girl who died of dehydration and malnutrition in the custody of US Border Patrol. The circumstances of her death, while she was under the care of the United States, were positively — well, Dickensian. We cats put the blame for this girl's death squarely on Donald Trump, and we HISS.

Another Great Take On Melania's Hideous Red Christmas Trees

26 Reasons To Rip The Second Amendment Out Of The Constitution

It's been six years since Sandy Hook — the same amount of time that many of its victims spent on Earth.

Today we cats are heading for a country that's a little saner about guns than ours is. But we're taking a moment to remember the children (and adults) who lost their lives in Newtown.

Final Days?

By Baxter

We cats fully expect the Trump saga to grind on for some time, but — goodness gracious. Today's panel discussions on the pundithead shows sure felt like August 1974. Trump's been rebuked by the Senate over Saudi Arabia, he was bitch-slapped by a 78-year-old grandmother in front of the whole world (which was his fault, by the way), his attorney's getting hauled off to the hoosegow (and maybe dragging him with him), and now the feds are investigating his Inaugural committee. And we haven't even gotten to Maria Butina and the shutdown yet.

So Benedict Donald didn't show up to work yesterday. (Can you imagine the reaction on the right if Obama had done that?) And today he gave a shaky interview to — who else? — FOX "News," in which he spread more lies and managed to raise more questions than he answered.

Clearly Trump is feeling the heat, so how is the rest of the Republican Party doing?

For example, with the Benedict Donald sh*tstorm raging on so many fronts, we have RNC chairwoman Ronna ROMNEY McDaniel on our minds. You have to raise a lot of money when you're in an important position like party chair. Are any deep-pocket donors taking her calls for Trump's 2020 re-election campaign? That can't be fun.

Then there's our Congresswoman, Elise Stefanik. She was charged with increasing female representation in the House Republican caucus, but after the Blue Wave was embarrassed to see it drop to 13. Not 13 percent. Thirteen women. So now she's distancing herself from the RCCC and is focusing her efforts on recruiting Republican women to run in 2020 through her own "leadership" PAC. Gee! We wonder how her outreach to potential candidates is going. How many are telling her they're no longer Republicans?

Mind you, we're not feeling sorry for any Republicans these days. There's no sign of a 2018 version of Barry Goldwater, John Rhodes or Hugh Scott striding up to the White House to tell Trump he's finished. The GOP tied its fortunes to this grade-Z mobster — so when we contemplate the end of Donald Trump, we also have to wonder about the party that was crass, weak, frightened, opportunistic and treasonous enough to nominate him. It may be their Final Days, too. We cats HISS.

The Guardians Of The Galaxy (That's Our Way Of Saying These Guys Are Superheroes)

By Miss Kubelik

In a big up-yours to Donald "Enemies of the People" Trump, TIME magazine has chosen murdered and threatened journalists as their People of the Year.

Naturally, we think that TIME should pick Cats of the Year, and put us on the cover every time. But this "Guardians" thingy is good. It was obvious that Trump was irritated by it, because he picked a fight with Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer in the Oval Office this morning with the cameras rolling. (We may be biased, but Nancy and Chuck won. Trump is on record, taking responsibility for a government shutdown. And "Please don’t characterize the strength that I bring to this meeting" is a Pelosi-to-Trump retort that will live for the ages.)

Meanwhile, while the hard-core Trumpsters will see 2018's Person of the Year as a big yawn — they don't care about journalists, and don't really understand the First Amendment — we find it a satisfying coda to some truly horrible and depressing stories. It doesn't quite make up for getting gunned down, charged with tax fraud, sent to jail, or strangled and dismembered by lackeys for a crown prince. But if Khashoggi were around, he might appreciate it. "It's...very rare that a person's influence grows so immensely in death," TIME's editor Edward Felsenthal said.

Why do we think that Donald Trump's influence will never, in the end, be even a fraction of these journalists'? We cats PURR.

Donald Trump Doesn't Want You To Do This

We all know how much the uber-hideous Trump cares about destroying a creation of Barack Obama's: It's more important to him than millions of Americans getting healthcare. What are you waiting for? Open Enrollment ends on December 15, so if you need Obamacare coverage in 2019, click here and sign up. You'll make us cats PURR.

Lock Him Up

By Zamboni

We all know by now that Donald Trump is the king of projection. Every accusation he makes is a confession, every slam on an opponent or disloyal former friend is an acknowledgement of something he's done himself.

Now, with the Democrats coming into power in the House of Representatives next month, the future Intelligence Committee Chairman is saying that Benedict Donald could be hauled off to the hoosegow.

"My takeaway is there's a very real prospect that on the day Donald Trump leaves office, the Justice Department may indict him," Congressman Adam Schiff said. "That he may be the first president in quite some time to face the real prospect of jail time."

A fitting fate for the major-party candidate who, during one of the major Presidential debates, threatened his opponent with just that.

So, short of refusing to vacate 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue (something we've worried he'd do), after Trump loses in 2020, how can he keep himself out of the slammer? Simple: All he has to do is resign on January 19 and have Pence (or whoever gets to be President for a day) pardon him. It would also have the added advantage of excusing Trump from welcoming Kamala Harris/Beto O'Rourke/Cory Booker to the White House the next day, and then go to the Capitol and have to sit and watch the guy/gal who beat him sworn in.

We're kidding, of course. Unless we're not. These days, you never know what's going to happen. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

The Donald, Him Not Be Very Best

By Sniffles

Those of us who had the "pleasure" of living through the Monica Lewinsky scandal remember how obsessed the press was with Hillary's reaction to the whole sorry saga. Would she stay with Bill? If so, would that make her a loyal wife, or a doormat? How would her handling of the Monica revelations square with her identity as a woman/feminist/First Lady/ambitious-person-with-lady-parts? (God knows the pundits never could, and still never can, handle the idea of an ambitious-person-with-lady-parts.)

Now, Robert Mueller has issued two sentencing memos that discuss illicit payments to silence women with whom Donald Drumpf had sexual relations outside of marriage. And not only is the evangelical community silent on the subject — we're not hearing anybody talk about Melania.

What is Melania thinking? Is she mad? Humiliated? Shrugging? Will she stay with Donald, or not? If she does stay with him, or if she divorces him after he's left the White House/dead/in prison, what does that say about her?

Crickets. Dead air. Is it because it's been 20 years, and times have changed? Or because the press is disgustingly, relentlessly Hillary-hating and hypocritical? We cats are betting on the latter, and we HISS.

A New York State Of Fine

By Hubie and Bertie

We cats have to say it: We're mighty glad to be living in a blue state.

We mean, really blue. With the 2018 election in the rear-view mirror, our Governor, Comptroller, Attorney General, our two US Senators, most of our members of Congress, and the majority of members in the state legislature will all be Democrats.

Sure, we know Albany's reputation for corruption. But we'll take that over disgruntled losers trying to overturn or nullify election results. North Carolina Republicans famously tried to limit the powers of incoming Democratic Governor Roy Cooper after he beat Pat McCrory in 2016. (They lost in the courts, but the battles rage on.) Now, copycat Republicans in Wisconsin and Michigan are trying to do the same thing — and the GOP in Florida, where voters overwhelmingly supported re-enfranchising felons, is attempting to end-run that election result, too.

And maybe you've heard that outgoing Governor Paul LePage in Maine has been refusing for months to follow his constituents' wishes and expand Medicaid? Why do Republicans hate democracy?

We're so happy that in our part of the world, people with Ds after their names are in charge. We cats are tickled pink to be blue, and we PURR.

Don't Call Her Back, George

via GIPHY

By Miss Kubelik

Can we stop talking about those reprobates from the Face Thing running for President now?

We cats gagged when the idea was first floated, and we're definitely hacking hairballs up now. We could never bring ourselves to get on the Thing for a lot of reasons, but one of the main ones was that we instinctively loathed that Zuckerberg person and didn't want to have anything to do with him.

And we never bought a copy of Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In because we don't read crap like that. Also, we don't have kittens.

So we felt quite smug when we realized that not being on the Thing meant that we hadn't been exposed to their Russian trolls. We loved it when Congress hauled Zuckerjerk in to testify, and we took pleasure in his and Sandberg's contorted apologies for their 2016 transgressions. Every new outrage makes us so glad we didn't join the FB parade.

But Sandberg asking a creepy Republican PR firm full of anti-Semites and haters for dirt on George Soros really sent us over the brink.

We hear that Sandberg has tried to reach Soros by phone. He hasn't called her back. We hope he never does. Happy Hanukkah, you disgusting Face Thing jackasses. We cats think the world should unfriend you both forever, and we HISS.

P.S. Yes, we know that Twitter is probably just as bad. Let us know when Jack Dorsey tries to hire Definers Public Affairs for something. Until then...

How To Make Nice People Mad

By Baxter

We cats have just returned from Wisconsin, and we can testify that it's indeed cold there. But we never thought the place would remind us of warm, sunny Florida in 2000.

Remember the Florida recount that the Supreme Court halted, handing the President to the then-Worst Person Who's Ever Lived? (You know who the current Worst Person Who's Ever Lived is. Don't make us say it.) Anyway, we remember. We specifically recall how the GOP sent chinos-clad white boys to try to shut down the vote counting in Miami-Dade County. They called President Gore and his running mate, Joe Lieberman, "Sore Losermen."

Well, as it turns out, all that was just a massive case of projection. Because hard on the heels of the example just set by sour grapey Republicans in North Carolina, the Wisconsin GOP is trying to limit the powers of the incoming (Democratic) governor, Tony Evers, before he's even sworn in. Wow, the GOP's lack of respect for democracy is breathtaking, isn't it?

So outraged Wisconsinites have been turning out in droves in bone-chilling winter weather to protest in Madison. They even drowned cross-eyed college dropout (and defeated Republican incumbent) Scott Walker in lusty boos during a Christmas tree lighting ceremony. HAW!

We honestly didn't see that blind fury building in the pleasant people we encountered during our quick visit to the Badger State. But now that it's burst forth full-throated, at least we know that — unlike the Brooks Brothers Riot in Florida 18 years ago — the anger in Wisconsin is genuine and not staged. We cats PURR.

Before He Was With Her

By Zamboni

You know what your mother said: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." So we cats have tried to be restrained about the death of George H.W. Bush, because we wanted to see how it would all play out. And it's still playing out. But we can't resist chiming in with a few observations:

It is pathetic that a middling President like Bush would, according to pundits, attain an aura of greatness merely because he was nowhere near as bad as Donald Trump.

It is difficult to favorably eulogize the man who is responsible for Clarence Thomas's presence on the Supreme Court.

Unlike some, we're not moved to declare that Bush Sr. had "class." We well remember how he said he'd "kicked a little ass" after his VP debate with Geraldine Ferraro in 1984. That's about as far from classy as you can get.

Similarly, Barbara Bush called Ferraro a bitch and was never forced to admit it. Gee, what was it about Geraldine that made the Bushes' well-masked awfulness come out?

It is also similarly difficult to favorably eulogize the man who fathered George W. Bush, a war criminal who cannot travel to countries where he would be arrested for invading Iraq on a lie.

And it's tough to admire the guy who ran in 1988 on Willie Horton — the racist ad that paved the way for all other Republican racist ads. We assume that Bush Senior will have lots of notes to compare with Lee Atwater when he meets Atwater in hell.

So the best thing about the Bush news? That Trump will have to endure hours and days in which he will not be the center of attention. Our hopes that a eulogizer — like, say, Bill Clinton — would throw shade have been dashed, since Bill is not among the odd selection of speakers. But Trump will have to sit there knowing that the predecessor being honored cast the last Presidential vote of his life for Hillary Rodham Clinton. That makes us cats PURR.

Alone.

By Sniffles

One of the worst things about this nightmare of an administration is the abrogation of America's leading role in the world. This picture of Donald Trump at the current G-20 says it all. Our allies have abandoned us — while our adversaries believe (with good reason) that we are either in their pocket or they will not encounter any significant American resistance if they do something belligerent or violate human rights.

How ironic that George H.W. Bush, who by contrast was a leading internationalist, should choose to check out at the same time that Trump is embarrassing the United States overseas.

We're intrigued by the reports that Bush wanted Trump to attend his funeral. Trump was barred from Barbara Bush's services in the spring — does this mean that the Kennebunkport clan has something nefarious in store for him at the George Senior services? We cats are fantasizing that they're going to insult Trump from the pulpit. So we were trying to think which eulogist would be best at throwing Trump shade, and we came up with one name: Bill Clinton.

Bill would do it brilliantly, of course, for all kinds of reasons: He's really smart. He's unequaled as Consoler-in-Chief. He got to be really close friends with Bush. And he has a ton of reasons to strategically insult the traitor who, with the help of a foreign adversary, stole the 2016 Presidential election from his wife.

We may actually be watching. We cats love a great funeral, and if Bill speaks, we will PURR.

A Tale Of Two Standards

By Hubie and Bertie

Paul Ryan is an abject failure as Speaker of the House. Even he admits it. "Two regrets I wish we could have gotten done," he bleated recently: comprehensive immigration reform and reducing the national debt.

Gosh! If only somebody like Paul Ryan, the Speaker of the House, could have done something about those! Everything would be better now.

Ryan has so many black marks against him, and yet the media have — for years, now — undeservedly treated him like a thoughtful, forward-looking policy wonk. When in reality he's nothing but a soulless, cruel, Ayn Randian idealogue. Why the press jumped on the let's-give-Ryan-policy-chops train, we'll never know.

Meanwhile, Nancy Pelosi is the most consequential Speaker of the House in our lifetimes. She knows her caucus, knows how to manage it, and makes huge policy history with legislation like the Affordable Care Act. (Yes, all you opioid-addicted West Virginians: You have Obamacare thanks to Nancy Pelosi.) And Pelosi is poised to assume the office again, to protect the nation against the ravages of the Trumpsters.

Yet the media never give her her due. She's too old, she's a poor public speaker, she has rebellion in her ranks, etc., etc., etc.

Ryan's the policy prince, while Pelosi's the doubted one? Please — we're so sick of this. Nancy Pelosi is a woman who is damn good at her job — and the fact that she doesn't get recognized for that is really starting to piss us off. We cats HISS.

Oh, Please.

By Miss Kubelik

These Virginia Republicans are hilarious. Actually, we don't mean that in a good way. We cats would laugh, except that we're hacking up multiple hairballs.

Defeated white dude Scott Taylor in Virginia Beach is whining that he was ousted from office on November 6 because Republicans — wait for it — embraced extremism and Donald Trump.

"Women said to me, 'I like you, but I've been waiting two years to do this,'" he bleated, having lost his Congressional seat in Virginia-02 to Democrat Elaine Luria. Taylor also blamed the state party's nomination of right-wing nutcase Corey Stewart, who ran unsuccessfully against Senator Tim Kaine.

Gosh! We had no idea that Scott Taylor had spent the last two-plus years campaigning vigorously against Benedict Donald, white supremacy, and all the other hideous ideologies and policies that his party had not only accepted but championed. We didn't have a clue that he'd commiserated with his outraged constituents so forcefully about their anger and frustrations. We can see why he'd be mad.

Wait — he didn't? He just stood by and let the haters and the Trumpsters take over his party, without a peep? Well, then, Scott Taylor can go f... you know the rest. We cats HISS.

Meanwhile, Down The Street From The Capitol...

We cats are clever and godlike, but the Methodists just one-upped us. They get a gold star, and we PURR.

Ding Dong, The Witches Are Dead (And Almost Dead)

By Baxter

So the incompetent racist, Cindy Hyde-Smith, survived not just her own idiocy but a spirited challenge from Democrat Mike Espy in yesterday's Mississippi Senate run-off. But Republican Congresswoman Claudia Tenney has finally had a house dropped on her in NY-22.

Both are dings (if not dongs) in the already battered Republican brand.

In case you think members of the GOP is celebrating the outcome in Mississippi, the smarter ones have chills running down their spines. Hyde-Smith underperformed by more than 10 points in the reddest of red-red states. It's a huge failing, one that augurs well for continued inroads by Democrats in the South. And the hard-core right wingers in the Magnolia State are licking their chops in anticipation of taking Hyde-Smith out in a 2020 primary. Consider her almost dead.

As for Tenney, although she gave Donald Trump a lot of love, it wasn't enough, and she really is dead. So much for Trump's theory that only people who distanced themselves from him lost.

The Republicans' willingness to champion horrible people like Hyde-Smith and Tenney is proof that they are not a party that believes in governing — only in tribalism. No matter how venal and inadequate the candidates (and these girls certainly were), the party will embrace anybody who can march in lockstep. For those of us with enough patience, it will be spell the GOP's doom. Meanwhile, we cats HISS.

Time For Some Soft Power (Smart Power, Too)

By Zamboni

We cats are still haunted by the photos of this family being tear-gassed at the Mexican border. We remember how, when we were kittens, Life magazine ran a shocking photo of "the napalm girl" — actually, a group of injured and crying Vietnamese children running from American bombs, one of whom had her clothes torn off from the blasts.

This photo above — of a migrant mom wearing a little girl's Disney pajama top and her terrified child — will be Donald Trump's napalm girl. Congratulations, Benedict Donald, on your most dubious accomplishment to date. You really are a horrible, horrible person.

The justifiable outrage at the tear gassing made us wonder: When we are finally able to banish these evil Trumpsters from our government, will the rest of world just welcome us back? No doubt they'll be as relieved as we will — maybe more. (Remember how the Nobel dudes were so thrilled that George W. Bush wasn't President any more, they gave Barack Obama the Peace Prize?) But our allies and friends will also, rightfully, still be disgusted and mad. How will they react?

In case they need a little winning over, we need to bring out the big guns. Since we assume that Trump will have destroyed the country and the Republican Party so badly that the next President will be a Democrat, he or she (we hope she) will have to make some brilliant foreign policy appointments. How about Michelle Obama as Ambassador to the UN? Or Chelsea Clinton? Either would be a charming and effective diplomat who could mend much-damaged fences around the world. And either would make us PURR.

Our Favorite Take On The White House's Hideous Red Christmas Trees

We just have one thing to say to whoever created this full Handmaid's Tale treatment of the tacky Trump trees: You don't have to worry about Being Best. You are best. We cats PURR.

P.S. That Makes All Three Trump Marriages "Convenient Transactions"

By Sniffles

Gee, Mia Love just showed Donald Trump no love.

In the Utah Republican's concession speech — in which she finally admitted she'd lost her House seat by 700 votes — Love took Trump to task for violating Ronald Reagan's 11th commandment.

"The President’s behavior towards me made me wonder: What did he have to gain by saying such a thing about a fellow Republican? This gave me a clear vision of his world as it is," she added. "No real relationships, just convenient transactions."

Well, brava, Mia — but you're two years too late. We cats wonder: What would have happened if she had declared her disgust with Trump sooner? On the other hand, this year more than 30 Republicans chose to retire rather than run with Trump looming in the background. Or, they ran and lost because of him.

Two questions come to mind:

Will any punditheads observe that no other Republicans have had the guts to do what Love did? (Although, as we've already noted, she was late. But it still beats not at all.)

Will the press ask Utah Senator-elect Willard Romney to comment on Love's speech? Because she also slammed the party he headed in 2012 for turning off minorities. "We feel like politicians claim they know what’s best for us from a safe distance," she said. "Yet they are never willing to take us home." We can only imagine how vilely the teabaggers are trashing Love online right now. And we HISS.

Trump Is Tear-Gassing Jesus Now

"Verily I say unto you, inasmuch as you have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."

—Matthew 25:40

UPDATE, November 26: California Governor-elect Gavin Newsom tweeted it best: "These children are barefoot. In diapers. Choking on tear gas. Women and children who left their lives behind — seeking peace and asylum — were met with violence and fear. That’s not my America. We’re a land of refuge. Of hope. Of freedom. And we will not stand for this."

UPDATE #2: Tweet from US Senator Brian Schatz (D-Hawaii): "Cruelty is not strength."

The Age Of "Innocence Broken"

By Hubie and Bertie

Here apparently is the Turkey Day moment that drove right-wing America around the bend. We cats missed it live, since we never watch the Thanksgiving Day parade (Matt Lauer or no Matt Lauer), so we're just catching up. Neat!

But in the world of Republican haters and hypocrites, outrage reigns. "NBC and Macy's just blindsided parents who expected this to be a family program, so they could push their agenda on little kids," David Bozell whined on Twitter — which promptly ridiculed him.

It's always an "agenda" with these people, isn't it? It's never simply people being who they are. We cats HISS.

If There's A "Trump's America," This Is It

"I just don’t think it’s ever a good idea to ask Jews to identify themselves," said a passenger on a flight on which a man did just that. The man was arrested on arrival in Atlanta. We cats have had enough of this crap, and we HISS.

JFK 55

Thanksgiving 2018 happens to fall on the anniversary of Dallas. It's also a good day to remember when America actually had a President.

Happy Thanksgiving, Everybody

A scene from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, 1992: Librado Romero, The New York Times

We Are Also Grateful For Canada

By Miss Kubelik

Canada is such a welcome refuge for the Thanksgiving holiday. Nobody at our dinner table supports Trump. Everyone in Canada hates him.

Why else? Because Canada, at 40 percent, is the US's biggest supplier of imported oil — not Saudi Arabia, at a paltry 11 percent.

Besides which, as the CBC has noted, "Saudi Arabia has sought to boost oil prices by promising to pump fewer barrels in December. A week ago, it backed a proposal for OPEC nations to cut production by one million barrels per day."

So, on the eve of Thanksgiving, what's the bottom line? That Canada is a better friend to "America First"! Plus, Canadians don't murder and dismember journalists! We cats are using lots of Donald Trump-y exclamation points because we love Canada! And we PURR.

This Reeves Is A Real Superman

By Baxter

On the eve of Turkey Day, we cats are thankful for Judge Carlton Reeves, who just put anti-choice misogynist Mississippi legislators in their place.

Ruling their latest abortion ban unconstitutional and accusing them of "pure gaslighting," Judge Reeves twisted the knife in the side of the Mississippi GOP with this: "Its leaders choose not to lift a finger to address the tragedies lurking on the other side of the delivery room, such as high infant and maternal mortality rates... No, legislation like [the abortion ban] is closer to the old Mississippi — the Mississippi bent on controlling women and minorities."

Reeves is an Obama appointee. You see what a difference it makes when Democrats appoint judges and not Republicans? We cats PURR.

Obama Bows, Trump Kneels

By Zamboni

President Obama had a habit of bowing to people. It's unclear why this seemed to be a thing with him — perhaps because he spent a lot of his Wonder Bread years overseas — but we cats always thought he should cut it out. It's one thing to show respect to someone by inclining your head, but when it comes to foreign royalty, American leaders do not bow. That's why we fought the Revolution.

So we well remember when, back in 2009, the teabaggers and the right wingers went crazy, accusing Obama of having bowed to King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia at a G-20 meeting.

How quaint.

As with so much of the nightmare that is Donald Trump (who has curtsied to a Saudi king himself, it should be noted), today's unfathomable statement from the White House on the Jamal Khashoggi murder made us long for the days when the worst thing a President did was give an aging monarch a too-enthusiastic handshake. We cats HISS.

Business Model

By Sniffles

We cats are not atheists — because, ahem, we are gods, and we know it. But we've always scorned the evangelical community. Their narrow views of humanity, their intolerance and their money-grubbing hypocrisy all go directly against the teachings of Jesus. (We're sure we've missed something in that laundry list, but you get the idea.)

And there's probably nobody we despise as much as Donald Trump. He is so obviously a lout, a cheat and a misanthrope — one wonders how supposedly religious people can support him. Is it that important to them to control women by ending abortion? (Answer: Yes.)

But there's another reason that Bible bangers like Franklin Graham and Bryan Fischer adore Benedict Donald. They have so much in common.

Consider how Michelle Goldberg describes Trump in today's New York Times: "Donald Trump has failed at most things he's tried to do in life, with the crucial exception of selling himself as a success...as a self-marketer, Trump is peerless. He convinced people that he was a self-made tycoon despite receiving at least $413 million in today's dollars from his father, much of it...through legally dubious tax dodges. He was cast a paragon of business acumen on 'The Apprentice' when most banks refused to lend to him. And then, to America’s enduring disgrace, he was able to use his fictional reality-TV persona as a steppingstone to the White House."

Trump sells himself the same way evangelicals market the Lord. He and Graham, Fischer, Pat Robertson, Tony Perkins and all the other Jesus-y grifters are in the same business: swindling people. We cats (gods) look down from our lofty perches and HISS.

History's Knocking

By Hubie and Bertie

Mike Pence was all bent out of shape that celebrity "outsiders" like Oprah Winfrey and Will Ferrell campaigned door-to-door for Stacey Abrams in the Georgia gubernatorial race. "This ain't Hollywood," he mewled. "I’d like to remind Stacey and Oprah and Will, I’m kind of a big deal, too."

No, you're not, Mike. You're a very, very small deal. And your candidate in Georgia had to steal the election and suppress votes to win. Brian Kemp's legitimacy is in enough doubt now that his name will be synonymous with "Pyrrhic." (And incoming House Oversight and Government Relations Committee Chair Elijah Cummings is getting ready to investigate.)

Meanwhile, we have a question: Did Mike Pence knock doors for his chosen candidate? Because if Pence is such a "big deal," he should know that one of his predecessors as Vice President has done just that. Check out this story about Walter Mondale canvassing with Senator Max Baucus in Billings, Montana, 1978.

It sure would be great if the press would push back on these Trumpsters with, you know, actual political history. We cats HISS.

When "X" Means "Ex"

By Miss Kubelik

Here's a remarkable photo circulating on the Interwebs these days. It's a big celebration that Capitol Hill Republicans held at the White House with the sociopath who currently occupies the Oval Office. What were they all so happy about? Passing the House's version of the (ultimately failed) Obamacare repeal.

Now, before we explain the big red "X"s, recall for a second that nearly every idiot in Pundit World said that the Democrats' emphasis on healthcare in the run-up to the midterms was misguided.

You guessed it: Every Republican with a red "X" over his or her (mostly his) face in this photo was just defeated for re-election or quit.

We can't wait for that big red "X" in the middle! That will make us PURR and PURR.

Lest We Furr-get: A Script That Was Once Thought To Be Brilliant

By Baxter

This is not an entertainment blog, but we need to comment on the passing of screenwriter William Goldman.

His script for "All the President's Men" was superb. "The Princess Bride"? So good, it's inconceivable. His "Butch Cassidy," not so much.

We cats love both Paul Newman and Robert Redford. But nearly 50 years later, we find that Butch and Sundance don't wear very well. We think that "Slap Shot," another Paul Newman film, made just a few years later and written by Nancy Dowd, is more clever and interesting, and better stands the test of time. But we know that Hollywood has never rushed to lionize women, so — what else can we say? We cats switch our tails and look annoyed.

Slow Wave

By Zamboni

Can we all just agree that America had a blue wave on November 6?

One of the reasons we know is that crazy right wingers like Lou "Doddering" Dobbs are inventing wild stories about the outcome having been swayed by the votes of non-citizens. Gosh, when will somebody close the coffin lid on that guy?

But more important than Republicans making up fairy tales is the fact that House seats keep flipping. For example, Democrat Gil Cisneros has pulled in front in California's 39th district, and his lead is steadily growing. (The snowflake Republican is, as you'd imagine, squawking. Boy, they sure hate it when votes get counted, don't they?)

What looked like a respectable snag of the House on Election Night could become a game-changing triumph of 40 seats in the end. We like this. First, because it keeps the "Democrats win" story on the front page — second, because it's apparently driving Donald Trump crazy.

So the country might just be a little saner soon. We're about to hit the road to Canada in the snow, but in the meantime, we're savoring the notion of that slow-moving blue tsunami, washing over America. We cats PURR.