Cat Fight! Sanford vs. Bauer

By Sniffles

So the Republicans in South Carolina thought their current travails would get lost amid the wall-to-wall coverage of Senator Kennedy's death. Wrong!

Lt. Governor Andre Bauer — whom his fellow Republicans can't bear ascending to the big job because he's probably gay — has called on Sanford to resign and pledged he won't run for Governor himself next year.

Sanford fired back with another one of his on-camera meltdowns. Meanwhile, impeachment clouds started gathering and tantalizing Tweets began to circulate, accusing Sanford of continuing his extramarital affair.

We cats say, go ahead, South Carolina — impeach the bastard. But don't do it because he cheated on his wife. Do it because he's a preachy hypocrite who abandoned his job, misused tax dollars and betrayed the public trust.

In the meantime, we are amused by all this, but, in the end, unimpressed. The Palmetto Republicans' latest cat spat looks more like a kitten fight to us.

Call us when you boot the jerk from office.

Statement from Senator Robert Byrd (D-WVA)

"I had hoped and prayed that this day would never come. My heart and soul weeps at the loss of my best friend in the Senate, my beloved friend, Ted Kennedy.

“In his honor and as a tribute to his commitment to his ideals, let us stop the shouting and name calling and have a civilized debate on health care reform which I hope, when legislation has been signed into law, will bear his name for his commitment to insuring the health of every American.”

Edward M. Kennedy, 1932-2009

"You're Nothing But a Bunch of Racist Haters"

By Baxter

Republican Congressman Wally Herger of California is getting a lot of deservedly negative press about his approving response to a constituent at a town hall meeting who identified himself as a "proud right-wing terrorist."

What's getting lost in the coverage is the story of another attendee, a woman named Marisa Hewitt. She was so disgusted at the Congressman's and the crowd's behavior that she decamped the meeting — but not before noisily pronouncing judgment on them. And then she got in a scuffle on the way out (for which she may be charged, although she's claiming self-defense).

We cats think that Ms. Hewitt put her finger right on it, frankly. The "town hells," by and large, are not filled with people angry about health care reform. They're filled with people angry that Barack Obama is President.

As we've suggested to these jerks before, the American way to deal with such a situation is to figure out how to win the next Presidential election. In the meantime, though, we'd advise all "town hell" attendees to chill. We felines adore a good cat fight, but you humans are terrible at it.

UPDATE: And John McCain was booed at his town hall meeting today. His crime? Saying that President Obama respects the Constitution. Hoo boy, this is like a bad recurring dream.

Chew On This, NFL

By Zamboni

We're not dogs, but we cats feel we must show solidarity with our colleagues in the animal kingdom by expressing our disgust and outrage at the signing of Michael Vick.

Will somebody please tell us — why should we give a rat's ass about football? We didn't fault the entire sport when Vick turned out to be a criminal and a jerk. But we do blame the NFL when one of its leading teams is willing to give a guy who abused and electrocuted helpless dogs a highly paying job.

So we dump our dirty litter boxes in Vick's locker and pee inside his helmet. And as for you sports fans who are equally turned off — may we suggest the Canadian Football League? The CFL's Montreal Alouettes are doing very well.

Lutherans Recognize Reality

By Sniffles

Yay for the Lutherans! Leaders of the Protestant denomination in the U.S. voted today to allow non-celibate homosexuals to serve as their ministers. It was hardly close: the winning side clocked in at 68 percent.

Of course, while we cats nod approvingly at this development, we realize at the same time that it's a bit of an eye roll. Good gracious, people, it's 2009. If the founder of your sect had his moment of epiphany in the water closet, if you've been ordaining women and divorced folks for years, what took you so long?

Well, never mind. We won't look at gift horse in the mouth. And Lutherans, if this decision serves to, um, "flush" the homophobes among you out of the Church, then consider yourselves well and truly plumbed.

Is It Too Late, or Can We Still Impeach Bush?

Former Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge says he was pressured to raise the country's terror alert levels for political reasons.

Harper & Co.: A Bunch of Dirty Bums

By Baxter

Here's a little comfort for every political staffer who has ever made an embarrassing mistake in print. Say, for example, leaving the letter "l" out of the word "public."

Stephen Harper's office has topped you.

The Canadian Prime Minister, heading out on a five-day tour of the Arctic, issued a news release with a tiny but significant misspelling of the capital of his country's newest province, Nunavut.

See, add an extra "u" to "Iqaluit" and you get a word in the Inuktitut language for people who, um, don't wipe themselves very well.

“Hopefully this unfortunate typo, which we have corrected, will inform the greater public that there is no [extra] ‘u' in Iqaluit,” said PMO spokesman Dimitri Soudas.

Well, we cats — known to be fastidious for keeping ourselves clean — hope that Mr. Soudas will not issue a follow-up press release using the term "greater public." Could be dangerous.

But will we forgive his incorrect use of the adverb "hopefully"? Maybe not.

"We Are Tired of Greedy People Using Stupid People to Thwart Progress"

By Zamboni

We cats don't know who coined this headline, but we like it a lot.

We also love Congressman Barney Frank for giving the right-wing nutbags a richly deserved push-back.

Congressional Democrats, you may emulate Barney Frank — who kept things civil but who more than lived up to his last name — any time. We sincerely hope that whatever healthcare plan passes Congress includes coverage for Democratic spine replacements. Have at it, guys!

Congressman Frank, you are a man among men. We cats PURR at you.

And Speaking of Rodents...