Willard's "I Give Up" List

By Baxter

Here is a tiny sliver of the standing-room-only crowd that turned out for the ribbon-cutting opening of our local Obama-Biden campaign office in Virginia. These folks are all fired up and ready to go, especially now that Willard has named the heartless accountant Paul Ryan to go down in defeat with him in November.

Which got us cats thinking about all the groups that Romney has given up on by picking Ryan. Goodness gracious, but the list is long.

But first, whom have they pleased? Rupert Murdoch, Bill Kristol and the inside-the-Beltway Republican establishment, that's who. Anyone else? We wonder. In fact, it's occurred to us that today might go down in history as the day that Willard officially lost the election.

Second, let's consider for a moment all the constituencies they're taking for granted. Southerners come to mind. So do evangelicals and any other non-Mormon, non-Catholic Christians. Not to mention Florida Cubans who were clamoring for Rubio. How let down they must feel.

But even above all that, picking Ryan means that the Republicans have clearly thrown in the towel on even trying to appeal to:

• Hispanics — Not even a token nod to you guys. Forget the GOP, Hispanic Americans. They hate you. Stay with us.
• Women — Paul Ryan voted against the Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act. (On top of everything else, we point that out in case you were thinking you could be swayed by the VP pick — who, you may have noticed, is not a woman.)
• African-Americans — Obviously, since Romney ignored Freeper calls for Allen West, you all are — surprise, surprise — nowheresville in the GOP. (P.S. We didn't see a single non-white face in the crowd gathering for the local Romney rally this afternoon. Just sayin'.)
• Anyone who cares about foreign policy — For the first time since we cats were kittens, the Republican ticket has no international experience, and the GOP can no longer brandish the "strong-on-defense" sword against us. Bless you, Barack Obama.
• Old white people — Amazing that Romney would be willing to frighten the Medicare crowd with his VP pick. So what if the Ryan plan calls for healthcare coupons only for people currently under 55? The question is: Where will they stop? Especially when they need to keep giving tax breaks to the rich?

Finally, this is not a group, but the Romneybots also have clearly given up on Transvaginal Bob McDonnell.

Poor Bob. Thanks to Virginia's weird one-term-for-Governors law, pretty soon he'll be out of office, with nothing left to do. The best he can hope for is that Romney wins and gives him a Cabinet position. Maybe Secretary of Vaginas? We cats PURR.

Tidibts & Cat Treats Meets Woe Is Willard

By Zamboni

The Silly Willy for President campaign is rolling into our quaint Civil-War-era town today, we presume with its freshly minted running mate in tow. But coincidentally — or not; you know how good our side can be at counter-programming — our latest local Obama 2012 office will hold its official ribbon-cutting opening just a few blocks away, at nearly the same time. After which we'll all get to work, organizing.

Therefore, we cats have time for just a few quick thoughts on this morning's news. Here goes.

Poor Willard. He so obviously was bullied by the right wing into this VP choice. And because of that, we think the Romneybots probably haven't properly assessed what effect the presence of Mr. I-Want-To-Kill-Medicare on the ticket will do in high-retirement states like Florida, Arizona and Nevada. Or what it'll do to other key states that tend to keep a lot of their retirees, like Ohio and Pennsylvania. Oh, well!

We want to see Paul Ryan's tax returns.

What happened to all the women that Ann Romney said they were looking at? Ann? Ann? Explanation, please.

Poor Tim Pawlenty, never a bride. We cats wonder how it feels to come in third or fourth in the veepstakes for the second campaign in a row. And what happened to Marco Rubio? Bobby Jindal? Guess you guys of color just didn't measure up.

And pity the evangelicals. Nobody on the ticket for them. No Sarah Palin this time around. Sorry, folks.

But by "choosing" Ryan, the Mormon Romney must foolishly think he's going to get a slice of the Catholic vote. He's actually thumbing his nose at the Nuns On The Bus instead. We cats don't think it's wise for anyone to cross those ladies. But then, who said the Romney campaign knows what it's doing?

(IMAGE: The bus we'd rather see in Manassas today.)

These Foolish Things

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have been thinking some more about the ever-entertaining mystery of why Willard Mitt Romney won't release his tax returns.

Most folks — quite rightly — are focusing on the big picture: Did he pay taxes? If so, at how low a rate? How much income did he shield? What's he really worth? How much of his wealth is in the Bahamas, the Caymans, Switzerland, etc.? All of those questions are important.

But what about the "little picture"? Are there other items in those returns that are not quite as awful but that are, to use a favorite Willy word, "disconcerting"?

For example, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts Employee Charitable Campaign actively participates in the annual United Way campaign. As Governor, Silly Willy might even have signed a "support the United Way" letter to state employees. So we wonder whether he himself contributed — or whether, tithed-out by the Mormons, he gave skimpily.

We cats think this is an interesting question, because many United-Way-supported social service agencies help meet the needs of indigent women and children — including providing such women access to reproductive health services. It would look bad if Romney didn't support the umbrella organization for those agencies — but at the same time, it would be anathema to the rabid right-wing maniacs who form the base of today's Republican Party.

On the other hand, since he used to support Planned Parenthood, will we see contributions to them? Horrors!

We cats bet if we could get our paws on this stuff, some of the smaller details could be easily spun to be equally or even more damaging.

In short, when it comes to Willard's tax returns, the little things might be as embarrassing as the big things.

(IMAGE: Tom the Dancing Bug by Ruben Bolling. For larger, click here.)

Woe Is Willard: Veep Sweep Edition

By Sniffles

We cats put no credence in any pundit-world speculation on whom Willard Mitt Romney will choose as his hapless running mate (*yawn*).

It's all nonsense. After all, this is the same credulous press who dubbed the famous quitter from Alaska "a Senate kingmaker," when that same "Senate kingmaker" got her butt soundly kicked in yesterday's GOP Missouri Senate primary.

Still and all, we've seen some interesting stuff in the run-up to le grand avertissement. For example:

Have you noticed how dead the chatter about Kelly Ayotte has been of late? We cats think that Silly Willy's embarrassing overseas trip has knocked candidates with no foreign policy experience completely off the list. Similarly, Willard's nightmare jaunt may also be behind the thinly sourced yammering about General David Petraeus (who has since set the record straight).

And now that we mention it, have you noticed how all the girl talk has kind of simmered down? For instance, Susana Martinez of New Mexico has been given a speaking slot at the GOP convention. As with Condoleezza "I Am A War Criminal" Rice and Nikki Haley, receiving such an assignment is generally taken as an indication that Martinez is officially out of the veepstakes. But, wait! — Ann Romney said that women were being seriously considered! Will anyone in journalism think to ask her about that if the top finalists turn out to be all boys?

And what were we cats just saying? Oh, yes. It's all ridiculous.

Nightmare Scenarios

By Baxter

So the Murdoch-owned Wall Street Journal is harping on that old Ronald Reagan chestnut, "Are you better off than you were four years ago," and averring that it's "looming" over 2012.

We cats have always disliked that question, and not just because Reagan asked it. It implies that the only thing Americans care about is financial self-interest, when we know there are people in this country who concerned about non-greedy issues like voting rights, reproductive freedom, the environment, etc.

And of course the other thing that annoys us is that this year, the answer is yes, we are better off. When the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived was in charge, the economy was cratering — and as imperfect as the 2009 stimulus turned out to be (thanks to Republicans, we might add), we were yanked back from the abyss.

Sure, things could be better — but not by returning to the policies that drove us to the brink of disaster in the first place. And speaking of Republican policies, let's turn this question around a bit, and ask if we'll be better off four years from now if:

• Women have to have shaming wands shoved up their you-know-whats, just for seeking a Constitutionally protected medical procedure?
• Indigent women are forced to give birth to unwanted or unplanned children who are then left to fend for themselves with no state health, housing or education resources to ensure even a minimal quality of life?
• Physicians who perform mother-saving abortions are clapped in jail for murder?
• The Supreme Court has another two or three Clarence Thomases?
• Our public schools have stopped teaching science?
• Our local governments can no longer pay for police or fire protection?
• The Koch brothers are torching the entire western U.S.?
• The United States is at war in Syria, Iran, Russia, China, Pakistan, Venezuela, Cuba and North Korea?
• Our taxes go up 100 percent so Willard Mitt Romney's can go down 50 percent?
• Medicare ceases to exist?

Nope, we will not be better off four years from now in Silly Willy's America. In fact, the very thought of it makes us want to hide under a couch.

Lest We Furr-get: GOP Dishes It Out, Can't Take It

By Zamboni

Gee, remember when that Clint Eastwood "Halftime in America" Super Bowl ad came out, and all those Republicans complained that it was a secret Obama commercial? (So they're falling all over themselves to apologize since Eastwood endorsed Silly Willy the other day, right? Nah.)

Remember when the Department of Homeland Security issued a report on right-wing domestic terrorism, and the teabaggers blew a gasket? (Now that six innocent Sikhs have been shot to death by a white supremacist, they're taking it all back, right? Wrong.)

And remember when Saxby Chambliss said that a triple-amputee Vietnam vet was the moral equivalent of Osama bin Laden? That, Republicans aver, was just politics as usual — but now, let Harry Reid insist that Mitt Romney release his tax returns (like his daddy did), and the Lindsay Grahams, Rancid Piefaces and Transvaginal Bob McDonnells of the world get all umbrage-y about it.

Jeez, what a bunch of whiners. Sharron Angle, where are you? Tell them to man up!

(IMAGE: Our favorite puss, of course.)

Sikh & Tired

By Miss Kubelik

Boy, we cats can really tell we're in the dog days of August (and it's only the 6th, for heaven's sake) — the news is so dismal. Here is our list of complaints. We reserve the right to have more.

So once again, a fool with a gun has walked in on a bunch of innocent people and wreaked havoc. We don't know what we're more embarrassed by: our insanely violent culture and the weak laws that permit it, or the fact that so many hate-filled people apparently think that Sikhs attacked America on 9/11.

Meanwhile, FOX "News" doesn't know what anti-Semitism is. Are we surprised? What do we expect from a cable channel that says American Olympians aren't patriotic enough? (No, they only kill themselves for years in order to perform under tremendous pressure on an international stage for the glory of their country.)

And the Romneybots have raised more money than Obama-Biden again. Come on, people — let's get going!

Finally, though, a bright spot: The GOP is between a rock and a hard place on marriage equality. They can afford to be silent now, but we wonder how long their crazy base will allow that to continue. Tune in in, oh, say, three weeks.

No Returns

By Sniffles

So now Harry Reid is a "dirty liar."

GOP chair Rancid Pieface says that Willard Mitt Romney's secret tax returns are "just a made-up issue. And the fact that we’re going to spend any time talking about it is ridiculous."

Rancid doesn't get it. He's going to have to keep talking about this "ridiculous" issue until...  well, until his party's presumptive nominee — who doesn't have a great track record when it comes to telling the truth himself, by the way — gives the American people the 23 years' worth of information he willingly gave John McCain in 2008.

We can only assume that what McCain saw was really, really bad. Why else would anyone choose Sarah Palin as a running mate instead?

Fightin' Mormons

By Baxter

We cats actually have a copy of The Book of Mormon. We stole it last time we stayed in a Marriott, and we keep it in the drawer of our guest bedroom's nightstand as a joke for visiting friends.

But see, that's the point — it's a joke.

That's all The Book of Mormon can be, because it's too weird and wacky to a). read, and b). take seriously. Honestly, folks, we don't see a whole lot of difference between Mormonism and Scientology. As Walter Cronkite used to say, that's the way it is.

So! What are we to make of this huge dust-up between two of the country's most incredibly major Mormons, Harry Reid and Willard Mitt Romney?? Are major Mormons allowed to fight like this? Is it traitorous to the church, or is it considered to be, um, manly?

We cats have no idea. But as we're good Americans, there are a couple of things that we're absolutely sure of:

1. If somebody wants to be President, he (or she) should be willing to release years and years of tax returns. Why? Because a Governor from Michigan named George Romney started the trend.

2. Anybody who wants to be President should be willing to show voters that he shoulders the same burdens to society, even if he makes zillions of dollars more than they do.

3. Finally, and most important, if Willard Mitt Romney wants to shut Harry Reid up, all he has to do is release his tax returns.

Don't Count Your Chick-fil-A's Before They Hatch

By Zamboni

We cats think it's interesting that coverage of yesterday's "Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day" — promoted by Fat Mike Huckabee, who's looking like he's packing away too much fried food himself lately — is juxtaposed with a brand-new poll out of the Old Line State.

To wit: Marylanders favor their state's new marriage-quality law, 54 to 40 percent. If this margin holds, voters there will ratify the law via referendum in November.

Now, we cats do not consider even this wide lead a slam dunk. We well know that often, people want to appear open-minded when questioned by a pollster, but are perfectly happy to indulge their bigotries in the privacy of the voting booth. Still and all, we'll take it — because it's a reminder that the folks who stuffed themselves with chicken and waffle fries on Wednesday are on the wrong side of history.

Oh, and don't forget to show up with your favorite same-sex partner for tomorrow's National "We'll Show You, Dan Cathy" Kiss-In.