So's Your Mother

By Zamboni

It is our humble opinion that Representative Alan Grayson of Orlando hit the nail on the head when he said that the Republican stance on health care means that they want Americans to "die quickly."

Why? Because it's long been clear to us cats that the GOP only cares about people before they're born — and then only after they die. Why else would they scream incessantly about abortion and the burdens of the so-called death tax? Why would they incite killers of abortion providers and also implacably oppose health care reform?

However, at the same time we recognize that President Obama would not consider Representative Grayson's words helpful to the current debate. As sympathetic as we are to Mr. Grayson and his commitment to health care reform, we must agree.

Yes, the right wing has engaged in extreme, over-the-top language. And they have done so since January 20, 2009. But as gratifying as tough talk is — and the Republican health care plan surely is "don't get sick" — it doesn't necessarily help that our side is piling on.

In a perfect world, Representative Grayson's language would force the Republicans to acknowledge their inappropriate behavior. Alas, this is not a perfect world. Nevertheless, we can hold ourselves to certain standards of behavior, even if Republicans won't.

So can we please all use our inside voices and ratchet the rhetoric down a tad?

Why We Haven't Been Enticed by Facebook — and Now, May Never Be

By Sniffles

We cats won't even repeat the story that inspires this post — except to say that if it's a joke, anyone who lived through the assassinations of the 1960s could not possibly be responsible for it.

We trust that the Secret Service is investigating; however, we're concerned that they're overworked.

Everyone? This is not funny, okay?

Now, If Only Incivility Could Have Died With Him....

By Baxter

Back in 1996, after William Safire called Hillary Clinton a "congenital liar" in print, we cats would clip the odious man's "On Language" columns from The New York Times and mail them back to The Gray Lady.

"We have no need of this," our enclosed note would invariably say.

It was a small, futile way to express our outrage, but in those days before the Internet it was the only thing we could think of to do. Needless to say, The Times never acknowledged our protest, although Mrs. Clinton responded to the former Nixon speechwriter's attack in her usual classy way.

Well, we cats can put away our scissors. William Safire won't be writing any more columns.

That Old Republican Sense of Entitlement

By Zamboni

There's an interesting little political dust-up going on out in California. It appears that Meg Whitman — a Republican who thinks she deserves to be Governor — has barely voted her entire adult life.

An investigation by The Sacramento Bee reveals that the former CEO of eBay (remind us cats to cancel our membership) did not register to vote in the numerous places she's lived since turning 18 in 1974. The first registration that the newspaper found was in San Mateo County in 2002. But Ms. Whitman failed to vote in California's gubernatorial recall election the following year.

Why was The Bee looking so hard? Because Ms. Whitman told them to.

"In an interview, Whitman said she was registered as a Republican before coming to California [in 1998], but declined to say where the public record might be found. 'Go find it,' she said."

Now.... let us get this straight. The Unhinged Fringe demands that President Obama produce his birth certificate. When he does, it isn't good enough, and they demand that he cough up more. Either way, in their eyes, the onus is on him to deliver.

But when questions arise about Meg Whitman's voter registration, she gets to say "Go find it"?

We cats HISS at the double standard. In the meantime, though, we think the former Miss eBay may be regretting her previous statement. As Gary Hart discovered, it can be dangerous to dare journalists to do their jobs.

(PHOTO: Hector Amezcua, The Sacramento Bee)

Bad Old Days vs. Good New Days

By Sniffles

On the occasion of President Obama's first address to the U.N., let us take a few moments to remember The Bad Old Days.

The Bad Old Days were when the rest of the world hated us. Yes, you ignorant yahoos at Free Republic and other right-wing sites, you may think that's a good thing — but it's not.

The Bad Old Days were when the United States went at it alone. For why that's bad, see above.

The Bad Old Days were when America ignored seriously pressing problems. Middle East peace and global warming come to mind. Inaction on each is astounding, because the fate of the planet can rest on either or both.

Who was in charge during The Bad Old Days? You guessed it. Bush-Cheney, that's who. (Note to Bushies: Guys, it's time to take down your re-election website.)

Therefore, we cats PURR at President Obama and The Good New Days. Things may not be perfect — as some demand — but 1) it's only been eight months, and 2) things can't possibly ever be as bad again as they were in The Bad Old Days.

P.S. That link to the Obama inauguration on YouTube that we just provided reminds us that Chief Justice John Roberts still deserves to be run over by a parade float. As Bugs Bunny would say, what a maroon.

(IMAGE: Doug Mills, The New York Times)

The Full "What"?

By Baxter

If we cats hear the expression "the full Ginsburg" one more time, we're going to scream. Have you ever heard a cat scream? It isn't pretty.

Which means the political pundits in Washington better be reaching for the ear plugs. Over and over, from Politico to Howard Kurtz to everyone in between, we kept reading about President Obama's full you-know-what — i.e., appearing on five talk shows over the course of a single Sunday.

You know what, guys? You need to come up with a more original metaphor. William H. Ginsburg (hey, all you young people, guess who he was) appeared on every Sunday talk show more than 10 years ago. And while he has faded from view, there remain other Ginsburgs in the world — namely, a sitting Supreme Court justice. We hesitate to think what "the full Ginsburg" might mean if it applied to our Ruthie.

In short, the expression is old, it's tired, and it doesn't work any more. But you inside-the-Beltway bubbleheads just seem to write for each other these days, not us. Oh, and as your editor might tell you (if, indeed, you have an editor): You need to stop being so goddamn lazy.

Fat Mike Wins

By Zamboni

So former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee has won the straw poll of the nutbags at this weekend's "Value Voters Summit." Whoopee.

We cats recall that former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney eked out a win on this same prize back in 2007. "Fat" lot of good it did him in 2008. No pun intended, of course.

Meanwhile, on behalf of President Gore and all the Democratic politicians who've had to endure jokes about weight, we're still waiting for someone to notice that Mike is getting massive again.

John Edwards, Total Jerk

By Sniffles

We cats tend to cut politicians a lot of slack on their personal lives as long as they don't lecture the rest of us on how to conduct ourselves. (Newt Gingrich, Henry Hyde, David Vitter, John Ensign, Mark Sanford, et. al., please take note.)

But we have to break with our tradition this time. Because we simply must declare that former Senator John Edwards is a complete moron.

John, we were disappointed in you after your 2004 Vice Presidential debate with Cheney, in which you were only marginally better than the lamebrain Joe Lieberman was in 2000. But now that the media are reporting that you're close to admitting paternity of that other woman's child — and that you allegedly promised her you'd marry her after your wife Elizabeth died of cancer — we are disgusted.

Ugh. We cats SNARL at you, and pee on the cuffs of your Brooks Brothers slacks. Come back to us in about 30 years, after you've atoned for this behavior with a ton of Ted Kennedy-like good works. In the meantime, you can't blame us if we hope that Elizabeth outlives you by decades.

Huck's Heft

By Baxter

Mike Huckabee is getting fat again.

The right-wing former Governor of Arkansas is famous for the diet that helped him lose 120 pounds a few years ago — and the book he wrote about it. But we cats have noticed that Huckabee is looking like he's dived into a few too many bags of Whisker Lickin's lately. Here he is at this weekend's "Values Voters Summit." You be the judge.

This is fascinating to us on a lot of levels, but mostly because we've yet to hear any journalist or public figure comment on it.

Remember how mercilessly we all had to discuss Al Gore's weight? And just recently, how George W. Bush said of Hillary Clinton, "Wait 'til her fat keister is sitting at this desk"?

Well, we still harbor hope that someone will mention it. Maybe Mitt Romney — since he and the Ample Arkansan will be fighting tooth and nail in the "Values Voters" Presidential straw poll.

Tidbits and Cat Treats — Rosh Hashanah Edition

By Zamboni

On the Republican racist front, Representative Roy Blunt (R-MO) referred to the President today in simian terms. "You have to play the ball where the monkey throws it," he told the right-wing nutheads at the so-called Values Voters Summit. Well, now. Even if Roy Blunt wasn't a bigot — and since he's a Republican, the odds are higher that he is — you'd think he'd have brains enough not to say something like that. Or, maybe not.

Republican racism is nothing new, by the way. Remember that 21 years ago George H.W. Bush rode to the White House on the back of Willie Horton. And Ronald Reagan kicked off his 1980 Presidential campaign with a "states' rights" speech in Philadelphia, Mississippi (site of the 1964 Freedom Rider murders). Not to mention years of bad behavior before that. Wonder how they've gotten away with it for so long? It's partly because the people who determine what is discussed in the media are insiders, not outsiders — and they are not comfortable acknowledging that half of the muckety-mucks with whom they consort are overt racists. Our humble opinion.

Poor Max Baucus. Nobody likes him, everybody hates him, he'd better eat some worms.

We cats have a friend who thinks that George W. Bush is completely uninterested in women. Not that Bush is gay — but that all he cares about is cocaine and alcohol, not sex. (After all, he and Laura may have only had to do it once, right? Daughters Jenna and Barbara are twins.) Well, now we know this friend is right. According to former speechwriter Matt Latimer, Bush said of Sarah Palin, "I'm trying to remember if I've met her before. What is she, Governor of Guam?" Now, we cats heartily dislike Sarah Palin. But we think she's physically attractive enough that a normal straight guy who wasn't hooked on coke and booze would remember meeting her.

Finally, in that same Latimer book, Bush allegedly said of President Obama, "This cat isn't remotely qualified." We are offended. What does George W. Bush know about cats?

Happy New Year!