Hate The One You're With

By Miss Kubelik

So Willard Mitt Romney has squeaked by in a home state he was supposed to win in a walk, and the GOP is crabby. They have a frontrunner whom they cannot stand.

We cats appreciate their dilemma. Every time Willard pops up on our TV — with his awkward cadences and his gratuitous, McCain-ish "heh-hehs" and his bewilderment that the Republicans don't automatically indulge his sense of entitlement — we dive for the remote. How quickly can we get that repulsive man off our screens?

Even Rick Santorum, as hate-filled and un-Googleable and tyrannical as he is, doesn't make our skin crawl the way Mitt Romney does.

What a predicament: Everyone else in the GOP clown car — we can no longer call it a college — is appalling, too. The Republicans are saddled with such impossibilities that they might as well just call 2012 off.

We cats PURR.

UPDATE: We cats have been asked whether Willard will be victorious in Tampa this summer. We note Nate Silver's assessment: "Mr. Romney is doing just well enough (and not much better) to be on track for the Republican nomination."

Our own thought is that the way the GOP delegate rules are written, the answer at this time is yes. You can make the argument that Willard does not have an easy path to 1,144. But neither does anyone else. And brokered conventions only occurred when you had party bosses who controlled the state delegations. Those days died in 1964 for the Democrats, and in 1976 for the Republicans, if not earlier.

Voter Suppression: The GOP's Proudest Export

By Baxter

We cats are feeling vindicated. In the past, we've claimed collusion between Tory Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper and the Rove-inspired Bushies, and the world has laughed at us. Well, the world may be laughing no more.

Ottawa is engulfed in a voter-suppression scandal that would make Jeb Bush and the American Republican Party proud. Gosh, it's so shocking that even the French-language media are carrying it.

Long story short, robocalls were made to Liberal households in 34 ridings (the Canadian equivalent of Congressional districts) — claiming to come from either the Liberal Party or from Elections Canada, and either harassing voters or providing false polling-place information.

How similar to the Bob Ehrlich robocalls to black areas of Maryland, assuring voters that the election was won and they didn't need to vote! Liberal Party leader Bob Rae has called for an emergency debate in the House of Commons to address the issue today.

So. We cats have always suspected that Stephen Harper had Karl Rove on direct dial. Were we wrong? Somehow, we think not.

(PHOTO: Chris Wattie, Reuters)

Advice To Ricky: Take a TUMS

By Zamboni

We cats love it when right-wing idiots write our posts for us. Normally, we consider the blatherings of Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum to be beneath our notice. But he really goes off a cliff when he bitches about President Kennedy's 1960 speech to the Greater Houston Ministerial Association.

Just for the record, folks, here's some of what makes Santorum "want to throw up."

"I believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute; where no Catholic prelate would tell the President, should he be Catholic, how to act, and no Protestant minister would tell his parishioners for whom to vote; where no church or church school is granted any public funds or political preference, and where no man is denied public office merely because his religion differs from the President who might appoint him or the people who might elect him.

"I believe in an America that is officially neither Catholic, Protestant nor Jewish; where no public official either requests or accepts instructions on public policy from the Pope, the National Council of Churches or any other ecclesiastical source; where no religious body seeks to impose its will directly or indirectly upon the general populace or the public acts of its officials, and where religious liberty is so indivisible that an act against one church is treated as an act against all.

"Finally, I believe in an America....where Catholics, Protestants and Jews, at both the lay and the pastoral levels, will refrain from those attitudes of disdain and division which have so often marred their works in the past, and promote instead the American ideal of brotherhood."

Empty Suit, Empty Heads, Empty Stadium

 (PHOTO: Scott Olson, Getty Images)

Tidbits and Cat Treats — Republican Screw-Up Edition

By Sniffles

We cats made a point of buying some Girl Scout cookies today. Why? Because we wanted to show support for a venerable community organization that's recently — and absurdly — been insulted by right-wing Republican idiots.

So, since Republicans have been spending the week making absolute fools of themselves, for your Friday entertainment here are a few other examples of same. Enjoy!

The Washington Post has given Virginia's Governor, the now-famous "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell, its "Worst Week in Washington" award for his pre-abortion ultrasound bill. Frantically trying to repair the damage, Transvaginal Bob and his Republican minions in Richmond are claiming that they had no idea their bill would have mandated such an invasive procedure. You know what we think? After this debacle — and the previous one in which he pretended slavery didn't exist — Transvaginal Bob has a real problem caring about people who don't look like him.

Willard Mitt Romney gave what was supposed to be a hugely important policy speech in an empty football stadium today. This guy's been running for President for a hundred years. Why don't his folks know how to advance an event?

An Oklahoma Congressman said it would be a good idea to kill a couple of U.S. Senators in order to get a budget passed. And Republicans think Barack Obama is the dangerous one? (But don't worry — Jeb Bush only finds the Republicans' rhetoric a little troubling.)

Finally, on the subject of dangerous people, one of the founders of the teabagger movement has stepped down after his felony arrest for trying to carry a Glock pistol on an airplane. And he's all weepy that New York City officials haven't returned his gun. Returned it?? Whatever happened to "my cold, dead hand"?

Maryland, Our Maryland

By Miss Kubleik

What a contrast. Virginia, under the leadership of Transvaginal Bob, is restricting gay rights and women's rights — while across the Potomac, the Maryland Senate has approved marriage equality legislation.

As we have written Transvaginal Bob and our member of the Virginia House of Delegates, we cats are embarrassed to be residents of the Old Dominion. Especially when compared to the Old Line State  — which we think has become decidedly New Line.

What If?

By Baxter

We cats now will leave the unfortunate subject of "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell to focus on the sorry state of the 2012 Republican clown college.

(This was a tough decision, because hot on the heels of tamping down his state-sponsored-rape bill, Transvaginal Bob has had his legislative minions in Richmond shove "personhood" to the back burner until after the Presidential election. What a craven political opportunist we have in Transvaginal Bob. But at the same time, we were awfully sick of looking at that ultrasound picture.)

So. It seems that the GOP had a clown confab in Arizona last night. We cats didn't watch a moment of it, but we admit we're confused.

See, after Willard Mitt Romney's surprise "victory" in Iowa, his romp in New Hampshire and his crushing-of-the-barbarians in Florida, the Republican nomination was supposed to be all wrapped up by January 31. Yet, here we are, facing another life-and-death, game-changing pair of primaries next week.

Not only that, but Willard is behind in Michigan, a state he was supposed to win in a walk. Here's how dire things are for Willard in his much-ballyhooed home state: If he picks up a point a day, every day, between now and Tuesday, he only wins Michigan by less than five points — less than half the margin he had over John McCain four years ago.

How's that for inevitability?

Then there's Arizona. This is a state that a month ago, no one figured would be on anyone's radar because it was a lock — a sure lock — for Willard. But here's Rick "Don't Google My Name" Santorum, within the margin of error there.

Again, what happens if Santorum holds Willard under a majority in Arizona, or holds the victory margin to five points? What if it's closer? What if Santorum wins? Don't get us started on what happens if Willard wins one/loses one next Tuesday. The questions are too numerous and head-spinning.

Therefore, we cats spare you any more revolutions du tete. The bottom line is that Mr. Inevitability could go into Super Tuesday having lost three, four, five or even six of the previous seven nomination races.

Who could ask for a stronger nominee than that?

(PHOTO: AP)

Bob Blinks

By Zamboni

Imagine that this gloved hand is Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell's, penetrating you with a transvaginal probe whether you liked it or not, and all because you had the temerity to seek the Constitutionally protected right to a safe and legal abortion.

Well, apparently Bob McDonnell himself couldn't even imagine it. Because he's waffled on signing the state-sponsored-rape bill that the Virginia House of Delegates has been preparing to send him for simply days now. He just couldn't see himself signing that bill and getting picked to run for Vice President this year.

(We cats have a little advice for Balky Bob: Watch your right flank, because the anti-choicers will be after you with a vengeance. And oh, by the way, the 2012 Republican nomination for Vice President? It probably won't be worth a lot. Just sayin'.)

So — what are we left with here? Chaos in Richmond, to be sure, but also the certain, and disturbing, knowledge that the only thing standing between an innocent woman and institutionalized rape in Virginia is a holy roller who wrote a college thesis on how women should remain at home popping babies every 11 months. Pretty scary.

Our sole consolation is how badly female voters will punish Republicans this fall. On that note, we cats PURR.

UPDATE: The Virginia House of Delegates has passed a bill calling for an transabdominal ultrasound, instead of the dreaded internal probe. Hey, Republican idiots! We cats have news for you: The transabdominal procedure is unacceptable, too. It's an invasion of privacy and we can't wait for someone to challenge it in court. Meanwhile, just because you watered this horrible legislation down, don't think that your Governor will escape forever being known as "Transvaginal Bob."

Obama: Cool Cat

Lest We Furr-get: The Real Elephant In The Room

By Sniffles

In the reportage of Republican hand-wringing over the possibility of a contested convention this year — Eugene Robinson's column today being just the latest example — we cats have yet to hear anyone articulate the real reason the GOP finds itself in such a fix.

The party that always nominates "the person next in line" had an idiot in the second spot in 2008.

Seriously. There's no other explanation other than the fact that John McCain, in an act that in our view was pretty close to treason, selected a running mate who — although adored by the GOP's bloodthirsty base — was patently unqualified to be President. This near-miss by the country, which soundly rejected McCain-Palin that fall, has become a festering wound for the party ever since. Would Republicans be thrashing about like this if it were otherwise?

Let's face it: The famous quitter from Alaska is a fool. So this year the GOP has had to tentatively anoint a frontrunner who actually came in third last time. But they don't love him, and the teabaggers detest him. That reality — along with primaries that award many delegates on a proportional basis — is making the GOP toss and turn and call for Daniels, Christie, Ryan and even Bush in its sleep.

After President Obama wins, we cats think the Republicans will look back on 2012 and find many reasons for their failure. But we're sure that almost no one will have the guts to blame Sarah Palin.