Happy Birthday, Cesar (NOT Hugo) Chavez

By Baxter

Just when you think the Republicans can't get any worse, they do. We cats are stunned to find that folks in the right-wing blogosphere — including GOP talking heads who should know better — don't have a clue who Cesar Chavez was.

Goodness gracious, people! The guy has a stamp in his honor. After that kind of recognition, a nod from Google on Chavez's birthday is hardly an eyebrow-raiser. But for awhile today, when clueless Republicans weren't confusing the legendary US labor leader with the now-dead President of Venezuela, they were complaining that Google wasn't celebrating Easter instead.

We cats have news for these idiots. Easter's date moves from year to year. But Cesar Chavez's birthday will always be March 31.

And oh, by the way: If Jesus came back today, he'd be hangin' with Cesar and the United Farm Workers — poor people who pick rich people's vegetables. Not with you assholes.

Medical Error

By Zamboni

The young Cillizza lad over at The Washington Post has given his "Worst Week in Washington" award to GOP Representative Don Young, who — in unforgivably insulting Hispanic immigrants with a term we cats will not repeat — has apparently forgotten astronaut Alan Shepard's comeuppance in "The Right Stuff."

But we think that the award should have gone to the entire Republican Party. And for more than just a week. Goodness gracious, this alleged "reboot" is not going well, is it?

The latest casualty may be Mr. Face Diversity himself, the overly lauded Dr. Ben Carson, who caught everyone's attention by slamming Obamacare at the national prayer breakfast. Ever since, the GOP has been desperately plucking the edges of Carson's white coat in wide-eyed terror and muttering, "Please, please save us." But, alas for them: After a whirlwind flash of fame that's lasted almost precisely as long as Andy Warhol predicted, Carson first ran into a storm of protest from Johns Hopkins students — who don't care to hear what he has to say at their commencement — and then hit the political gaffe buzzsaw by comparing homosexuality to bestiality.

One thing you can always count on with these Republicans: In the end, they're just never able to hide the contempt they have for others.

But even if Carson were not a hater, we cats wonder: Why should anybody care what a celebrity neurosurgeon — who's about to retire, by the way — thinks about Obamacare? Surely all of his patients are funded. And if he's done any significant charity care — separating the conjoined twins back in 2004 comes to mind — it's no doubt the type that's reaped limitless great PR for both him and for Hopkins.

Ben Carson is Herman Cain without the pizza. And he can't deliver (ha, ha) the GOP from their woes. We cats PURR.

The GOP's Paltry "Portman Effect"

By Miss Kubelik

The whole world is talking about gay marriage. Really. If we cats were teabaggers or right-wing evangelicals, we'd be tearing our hair out, despairing of ever being able to get away.

But despite the enduring national conversation, aside from Senator Rob Portman, no Republican voices are being raised. Since Portman announced his support for marriage equality, only Democratic Senators have done the same. No Republicans have followed him. In fact, the GOP has been deathly silent all week.

You know what that means? That Portman has no influence in his party — none. Portman, the guy who was almost nominated for Vice President, can't bring a single Republican colleague along with him on what, as the GOP "autopsy" revealed, is a survival issue for the party.

It's amazing and interesting, and the pundits who are mindlessly parroting the words "Portman effect" aren't talking about it. But we cats still PURR.

UPDATE: We cats just browsed a few gay-rights-related comment threads on Free Republic. Did we say, tearing their hair out? It only took us a few minutes to find this: "I’m getting so damn sick and tired of gay this, gay that, and gay everything." Poor Freeps. Our liberal hearts bleed for them.

Pandering

So a couple of giant pandas arrived in Toronto yesterday, an event so momentous that even the Pillsbury Doughboy himself, Stephen Harper, showed up to greet them.

We cats say, big deal. We're crossing into Canada tomorrow ourselves, and we don't expect any brass bands, press scrums or shiny crates with "FEDEX" emblazoned on the sides. Even though as furry-faced ambassadors go, we're way more important.

But no worries, we'll post when we can. After all, we're dying to find out if Harper still has Karl Rove on speed-dial. Somehow, we doubt it!

And John Roberts Is A Flaming Liberal!

By Sniffles

Big marriage equality day today, and we cats paid a quick visit to our friends over at Free Republic, just to see how they're handling it. You know, we thought we knew our right-wing nutcases backward and forward, but they still manage to surprise us. For example:

They believe that every time marriage equality has been on the ballot, it's lost. We guess they've forgotten about Maine, Maryland and Washington State.

They're absolutely certain that only gay people engage in anal sex. How weird is that? We thought the whole world had seen "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo."

They're really worried about "Gomorrah," but they don't know how to spell it. And Erick Erickson doesn't know the difference between "number" and "amount."

Finally, here's the topper: Somehow, this marriage equality stuff — nine states and D.C. legalizing it, court cases reaching SCOTUS, polls turning in its favor — is all because of Communism. What?

Well, so much for assuming that the Freeps would ever dip a toe in the real world. Because just a few threads away, they're discussing Palin-Bachmann 2016! Bless their little bubble-encased hearts.

Evolving

By Baxter

On the evening of the day that our Senator, Mark Warner, has announced his support for marriage equality, we cats are thinking about others who opposed it in the past.

Specifically, two: Bill Clinton and Ken Mehlman. They offer a particularly interesting contrast on how folks "evolve" on this issue.

President Clinton signed the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996 as — if you accept this look back in The New York Times — a purely political dodge. Republicans hoping to put him on the spot as he sought reelection sent him the bill, knowing they had the votes to override if he chose to veto. So rather than play into their hands, Clinton signed DOMA in the dark of night. Today, a remorseful Clinton, like that famous woman he's married to, is strongly for marriage equality.

Ken Mehlman is himself gay. We knew this, but we didn't "know" it, if you know what we mean. Ken Mehlman also used to be chairman of the Republican National Committee, and he helped craft a 2004 reelection strategy for The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived that was purposely anti-gay and designed to flip big states like Ohio into Bush's column in November. Mehlman has since come out (ho, hum), expressed his regret, and is campaigning for marriage equality across the country.

While we cats are glad that both Clinton and Mehlman have come to Jesus on marriage equality, we see a striking difference. One man — who we think the entire world can agree is not gay — has been struggling for 17 years with a political decision he made because he can empathize with people who are different. The other — who we never doubted was in the closet — chose, in the name of political expediency, to demonize people who are exactly like him.

We'll take the straight guy who empathizes, thank you.

Living In Infamy

By Zamboni

We cats never thought we'd say anything nice about Bob Dole, the man who gave us the phrase "Democrat wars." But The Boston Globe's retrospective on the Senate's scuttling of the UN disabilities treaty back in December is forcing it out of us.

In short, today's Republican Party is so bad that it makes its former chairman, Senate Majority Leader, and nominee for President and Vice President — all roles in which he perfected the fine art of bitter partisan snarling — look like a statesman.

We suggest you read the story, which the Globe thankfully has placed in front of its paywall (although who knows for how long). But just in case you don't get to it, here's a stab at a recap, plus our usual collection of cogent cat comments.

The weasel in the piece — and there are many weasels — is Republican Senator Jim Moran, who was for the treaty before he was against it. The fact that, like Dole, he's from Kansas just rubs salt in the wound.

On the Republican side, the treaty was scuttled primarily by a teabagger home-schooling nutcase from Virginia, Michael Farris, and his partner in crime, former Senator and perpetually un-Googleable Rick Santorum — both of whom screamed that it would force parents of disabled children to have abortions.

Sheesh. Everything is about lady parts with these guys.

The Globe explains that Farris and Santorum saw an opportunity to "[play] into fears that the United Nations threatens American sovereignty." What they actually meant was, "[play] into old, outdated, ridiculous fears that..." But we doubt they'll run a correction.

Former Republican Attorney General Richard Thornburgh, a strong backer of the treaty, was shocked at the teabaggers' silliness. "It is one thing to face down a rational argument, quite another to deal with fantasies and exaggeration," he said. Dick, the base of your party has been living in la-la land for four years now. When are you GOP leading lights ever going to call them on it?

When Moran switched sides and was asked about his change of heart, he stripped his response of all possible personal pronouns. "That was an early position," he said. "It was trying to be helpful to Dole." "That"? "It"? Way to avoid responsibility, Jim.

Then Moran miraculously rediscovered the word "I." Was he saying he'd never been for the treaty? "No," he responded. "I'm saying I tried to help it come to the floor, and had never made a conclusion as to whether I was for it or against it." Since the article cites Moran's previous declarations of support — that he would be "standing up for the rights of those with disabilities" — we cats say, Jim, you lie.

Here in a nutshell is why the GOP is in such dire straits these days: "All of the 38 votes against the legislation were cast by Republicans. Many of them walked off the floor without greeting Dole...[John] McCain, a 26-year veteran of the Senate, said it was his worst day in the chamber." Well, guys, are we men or are we mice?

Finally, the Globe's attempt to aver that Democrats are equally to blame for the Senate's hyper-partisanship is, like the rest of the media's false equivalencies, tiresome. We cats are compelled to point out that the example they cite — Harry Reid's accusation that Willard Mitt Romney hadn't paid taxes for 10 years — has never been proven wrong.

Lest We Furr-get: "Bibi's Bet"

By Miss Kubelik

With President Obama wrapping up his trip to the Middle East today, we cats thought it might be fun to compare and contrast his visit with Willard Mitt Romney's excursion last July. Here goes.

Obama gave a highly praised speech to Israelis — and the world — in Jerusalem. Willard held a Republican fundraiser on foreign soil.

Obama asked Israelis to put themselves in the Palestinians' shoes — to "look at the world through their eyes." Willard said the Palestinians' low GDP was due to their inferior "culture."

Obama met with Palestinian President Abbas. Willard blew him off.

Obama said "peace is possible." Willard refused to endorse the two-state solution. (Which was pretty much in the spirit of that secretly recorded Boca Raton fundraiser, where he said the Palestinians have "no interest in whatsoever in establishing peace...the pathway to peace is almost unthinkable.")

Obama got his new BFF (although still a pain in the ass), Bibi Netanyahu, to finally talk to Turkey. And maybe even talk turkey. But for Willard, the Middle East "is going to remain an unsolved problem...we kick the ball down the field and hope that, ultimately, somehow, something will happen to resolve it."

Gee, looking back at all the Romney shenanigans, who would you rather have in the White House? Not Netanyahu's guy! We've been mighty proud of our President this week. We cats PURR.

Skin In The Game

By Sniffles

You know how they say that support for marriage equality has exploded recently because people have come to realize that they know, and in some cases love, people who are gay?

That's the theory, and we cats think it's a good one: Once you have a personal reference point, a la Rob Portman, your eyes tend to be opened.

We were wondering if the same would be true of guns. Would personally knowing someone who's been murdered with a firearm make Americans realize the inherent folly of the Second Amendment? We sure hope not — because with more than 300 million guns floating around the United States, that's a lot of victims. But we kind of wondered after we saw the look on Colorado Governor John Hickenlooper's face today, as he paused before signing gun-control legislation — just a few hours after his prisons chief was shot and killed.

And then, of course, there's California Senator Dianne Feinstein. It was Dianne Feinstein who announced to the world that San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and Supervisor Harvey Milk had been murdered by a nut with a gun back in 1978. It's informed her position firearms ever since.

So, do we all have to know someone who's shot — or get shot ourselves — before we get sane on the Second Amendment? Or will it just take the Newtown Police Department releasing crime scene photos from Sandy Hook? We cats are almost on the verge of urging that they do. In the meantime, write your Congressional representatives here — and tell them that although you didn't personally know George Moscone, or Harvey Milk, or any of those Newtown kids and teachers, they need to honor those people and do the right thing.

A Quickie: Vanishing Act

So a few weeks ago the neocons — like this idiot, Dan Senor — were all over the talking head shows, just screaming about what an awful, horrible, traitorous Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel would be.

Apparently, that was then, this is now. Because this is the 10th anniversary of the invasion of Iraq. Where are Dan Senor and his neocon friends today?

Just wondering.

Numbers Don't Lie (Even If Republicans Do)

By Baxter

As kittens, we cats were a lot better at English than math. But even we can see through Rancid Pieface's latest boast about the RNC's big plan for minority outreach.

Pieface is preening that this year, the Republicans will sink $10 million into sending hundreds of party operatives into minority neighborhoods nationwide. Their mission: To win back the voters they've scared and offended. Instead of just "parachuting" in, he says, the RNC will plant these folks on a long-term basis to talk up the GOP and all the good things it's gonna do.

We cats say, big deal. Here's why.

These operatives are going to be paid. That's right, they'll be RNC employees. And Pieface says there will be "hundreds" of them. So, okay, let's say that the party hires 200 people — 200 being the lowest number that could qualify as "hundreds" — and pays them each $50,000 a year. (That's the low end of what we suspect the RNC usually shells out to staffers.) Whoops, there's your $10 million!

And what about travel? Office supplies? Promotional materials? Cellphones? Computers? Coffee and doughnuts? Are they part of the $10 million? If not, who's picking up the tab for those?

In 2012, the Obama campaign had nearly 800 field offices across America, with 2.2 million volunteers who contacted one out of every 2.5 people in the country. But the RNC is going to get it all done with, um, 200 paid lackeys and no budget?

If only the smug, self-satisfied inhabitants of Pundit World would just educate themselves on campaign organizing and run some numbers. They'd realize that the only thing calculated here is Rancid's ploy to distract them from the RNC's cluelessness. We cats HISS.

UPDATE: Well, here's one pundit who smells a rat: "$10 million sounds like a lot, but in political terms it is a pittance...$10 million is what Republican fat cats find in their couch cushions."

Conversion, um, Queries

By Zamboni

We cats have seen online suggestions that the GOP is way cool with Rob Portman's come-to Jesus-conversion on marriage equality. Really? That's not we're seeing at paranoid right-wing corners of the Internet like Free Republic. The Republican base is bleating fire and brimstone. Rob Portman, they say, will burn in hell forever.

But since the GOP elite appears to be trying to skate by with a nod and a wink on gay marriage, we cats just have to call them on it. We'll address our questions to Senator Portman, in case he actually tries to answer them. Here goes:

Senator Portman, since you say you are "very supportive" of your son's decision to come out, how would you describe your position on the gay-bashing constitutional amendment that you, Ken Mehlman and Karl Rove put on the Ohio ballot in 2004?

Senator Portman, have you publicly apologized to Ohio LGBT individuals, as well as to their friends, families and supporters who were demonized by your political allies in 2004? If not, do you plan to do so?

Senator Portman, you say you learned two years ago that your son is gay. Why were you silent during the gay bashing from Republican candidates up and down the ballot in 2012? Was it your ambition to be Vice President?

Senator Portman, Willard Mitt Romney was for gay rights before he was against them. As someone who has evolved from homophobe to marriage equality supporter, what is your personal opinion of Republicans like Romney who move the opposite way on the issue?

Senator Portman, now that you've endorsed marriage equality, what will you do tomorrow, and the day after that, and the week after that, and the months and years after that, to promote marriage equality and gay rights, both within and without the Republican Party? In short, does your change of heart involve any real political leadership, or is it just words?

Senator Portman, you have a history of supporting Presidential candidates who espouse anti-gay, anti-marriage-equality positions. Will you now absolutely rule out the possibility that you could endorse a Republican for President in 2016 if that candidate is opposed to marriage equality and gay rights?

Finally, Senator Portman, can you name one prospective Republican candidate for President in 2016 who is in favor of marriage equality and gay rights? Uh-huh. We thought so.

Note to Rob Portman: The Subject Cannot Be The Object

By Miss Kubelik

We cats appreciate the fact that Republican Senator Rob Portman is driving conservatives crazy today with his reversal on marriage equality.

We just have one complaint: Portman needs a grammar teacher.

"My son came to Jane, my wife, and I [sic], and told us that he was gay." Of course, that should have been "came to Jane, my wife, and me."

We cats have no idea how somebody makes it to the US Senate, or pens op-eds for The Columbus Dispatch, for that matter, without knowing basic English. (And a big HISS to the Dispatch copy editors for not correcting it, either.)

However, we might give Portman a pass. Just this once — and only because he followed up his error with this: "He told us that he was gay, and that it was not a choice, and that’s just part of who he is, and that’s who he’d been for as long as he could remember.”

So kudos to the near-Vice-Presidential nominee for pointing out the obvious. Because a lot of Republicans apparently need that. We cats PURR.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: CPAC Silliness Edition

By Sniffles

Okay, we're forced into it. It's time to write about CPAC, before the clown confab ends.

The nutty conservative conclave has been just so over the top this week that we cats have decided to do a grab bag of observations. Yes, we know that each one of these items is worth a post in itself. But if we did that, we'd never get around to our 16th nap of the day. So here goes.

• Irony: A bunch of right wingers are not only meeting in the bluest county of a blue-blue state — Maryland just outlawed the death penalty. Haw!
• Cowardice: Jeb! Bush has induced good pal Al Cardenas to leave him off tomorrow's straw-poll ballot. Are we surprised? Of course not. He doesn't want to come in fifth to Rand Paul.
• Inquisitiveness: Speaking of Kentucky's Senator Nutjob, when will the CPACkers figure out that he hates Israel?
• Amazement: Can we just ask? What is with Marco Rubio's perspiration problem? If Richard Nixon were alive today, he'd be sweating the competition.
• Anticipation: Everyone's been so wacky, and the Rand Paul adoration so intense, that we wonder what the famous quitter from Alaska will have to do to steal the spotlight back. Can anybody say, "Mardi Gras"?
• Speculation: Did Rick Perry bump into Willard Mitt Romney backstage? Awkward!
• Consternation: Wayne LaPierre's found a new way for Republicans to talk about rape.
• Curiosity: Didn't we just see Rob Portman's name badge, lying unclaimed on the registration table? Guess why!! 

More tomorrow, after the meaningless straw poll — and the gaiety at the Gaylord wraps up. In the meantime, we cats PURR.

Window Dressing

By Baxter

Oh, dear. We cats just can't write about CPAC yet. There's so much to discuss, so much to laugh at — we just can't choose. Gosh!

In the meantime, then, we'll focus on the latest GOP travails in the Sunshine State.

Jennifer Carroll, Florida's Republican lieutenant governor, has resigned after being questioned in a racketeering investigation. (Just what Governor Rick Scott needs, yes? A reminder of his own crooked past.) Anyway, as the first African-American and first woman elected to that office, Jen was one of the Republican Party's rising stars — so it must be quite a blow for them to lose her.

But see, this is the trouble that the GOP gets into all the time — because they think they can shove forward a few women and people of color to prove how "diverse" they are. And then those candidates or officials turn out to be disasters. Like:

• David Rivera — You know it can't be good when even Republicans describe you as "pathological" and "Nixonian."
• J.C. Watts — Mr. Family Values turned out to be Mr. Fathered Kids Out Of Wedlock.
• Bobby Jindal — As Chris Matthews said, "Oh, god."
• Ted Cruz — The new Joe McCarthy should remember how the old Joe McCarthy ended up.
• Mia Love — Wasn't she supposed to be in Congress by now? Hm!
• Michael Steele — Indeed, Mikey's found a second act on MSNBC. But he embarrassed himself in a Maryland Senate race, and then the RNC couldn't wait to get him out of his (expensively redecorated) chairman's office. Poor Mikey.
• Clarence Thomas — Oh, please.
• Sarah Palin — Perhaps the ultimate example of disaster, yes?
• Allen West — Crazy man. We rest our case.

How much easier it would be if the GOP would just stop hating on women and minorities. As any good businessperson knows, you can't attract quality recruits if your policies repel them. We cats PURR.

CPAC At The Vatican

By Zamboni

He's lean, he's mean, he's Argentine — and according to our more gullible pundits, he's "ready to shake things up." We cats say, piffle.

Yesterday was just another reminder of the extraordinarily political nature of the Catholic Church. Because by choosing a pontiff who's the same age as John McCain, the Cardinals have clearly made a desperate play for time.

Like the Republican Party, the Church knows it has to change. It hasn't a clue how it's going to change. And it doesn't want to change. But its powers-that-be needed some space to be able to figure that out. So they elevated a guy who will probably be dead in a few years. (And they managed to throw a bone to Latin America at the same time.)

It's just so cynical and transparent that we're amazed no one in the slobbering press has bothered to point it out.

(IMAGE: Pope Francis.... Grumpy Cat. Same person? You be the judge! Our phones are open.)

The Man Behind The Movie

By Miss Kubelik

We cats will opine more about this later — but here are a few quick thoughts on the Scott Prouty, "47 percent" videographer and Willard Mitt Romney's very own Deep Throat:

How delicious that the campaign of a Mormon teetotaler could be nearly destroyed by a bartender.

Prouty brought his camera because he was apparently hoping that, a la Bill Clinton, Romney would pop into the kitchen and meet the staff after the event. Gosh, just imagine! If Romney had just taken the trouble to do that, the video may never have seen the light of day.

(But as we all know, Clinton could hardly bear to leave campaign events. Romney couldn't wait to run away.)

Come 2016, every Republican Presidential campaign's advance team will have to sweep fundraiser sites for recording devices and bugs. And of course, forbid them at the door — and, given the state of modern technology, we cats aren't sure how they're going to pull that off.

On the bright side, Silly Willy may benefit from the Prouty reveal in one unexpected way: The right-wing haters at CPAC just might give him a standing ovation this weekend. Because disparaging half of America to rich people in private is the one thing they can love him for.

Bolling Cootchy Over

By Sniffles

Okay, so the old queens in the long dresses didn't elect a new Popemobile occupant today. Big deal. We cats couldn't care less what's happening in that gathering of withered dowagers in Rome — they are so tainted, so clueless, so yesterday's news.

On the other hand, things are popping in the gubernatorial race here in Virginia. That, we care about.

It seems that Republican Lt. Governor Bill Bolling, snubbed by his party, has finally decided that he won't run as an independent this year. Which leaves the field to the Democratic candidate, Terry McAuliffe, and the most right-wing right winger we know. That would be Ken "Cootchy Hootchy" Cuccinelli — who never met a fetus he didn't think had more rights than its already born and fully functioning human mother.

When we first heard the Bolling news, we cats thought, oh, darn. It would have been swell to see him run as a reasonable Republican and pull support from Cootchy. But then we learned that Bolling refused to endorse anybody, and we figured that, in the end, that was a-okay.

See, Bolling's unwillingness to toss his support to Cuccinelli sends a clear message to business-oriented Republicans that Cootchy does not deserve their votes. Instead, Bolling is leaving it up to those folks to decide whether they should: A) sit the race out, B) swallow hard and support someone who's going to lead their party off a cliff, or C) vote for a guy who's going to make it harder for Virginia companies to recruit young and progressive people to live and work here.

While an endorsement of our pal Terry would have been nice, it's the lack of a Cuccinelli endorsement that carries the political day. On top of which, we now know that Bolling won't provide independent voters, turned off by the Cootch, with an alternative candidacy — and a safe place to hide. We cats PURR.

GOP: A Party That Divides, Which We Cannot Stand

By Baxter

We cats had absolutely no intention of blogging about Jeb! Bush again so soon. But he's on this silly book tour, begging people to buy his latest gobbledegook so he can pay for his daughter Noelle's rehab. Which means that when he goes on all the talk shows, he has to get attention by saying something provocative.

The latest: President Obama won the election last year by "dividing the country." Opined the porcine former Florida Governor, "I think [Obama] ran a campaign of them and us."

Oh, be still our little feline hearts. A campaign of "them and us"? Does the brother of The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived have the vapors?

What did Jeb! think back in 2004, when his brother's "re-election" campaign was based on these selflessly unifying themes?

• If you vote Democratic, your kids will go gay. But if you vote Republican, you will save the institution of marriage.
• If you vote Democratic, you will die. But if you vote Republican, that means you love America. You're either with us, or you're with the terrorists.

Not to mention the fact that in 2012, the Republicans — including Mitt Romney, their standard-bearer — made it very clear that if you're not a wealthy, white, Christian, male voter, you don't count.

Jeb!, in other words, is all a-flutter about a tactic that Obama and the Democrats did not practice, but which the Republicans have honed to perfection. In fact, they've done it since the days of Richard Nixon. So forgive us if we do a massive eye-roll over this faux GOP outrage now.

Finally, will anyone in the press call Jeb! out on this silliness? We cats aren't holding our breath. But in the meantime, we HISS.

Out Of the Frying Pan, Onto the Gridiron

By Zamboni

Since we cats don't set clocks or tell time, we have decided we're going to blissfully ignore the whole "spring forward" thing. Unless, of course, our owners forget to feed us at the right times.

And speaking of rituals, because the fabled Gridiron Dinner is closed to the press, we are always sorely tempted to dismiss it — even if it is top-hat-and-white-tie-and-tails. We just think that it's time for the Gridirons and the Supreme Court to get with it, and let the cameras in.

But in the meantime, President Obama was apparently very funny at last night's G.D., so we feel obligated to pause and salute him. Also Senator Amy Klobuchar, who pushed the edge of the envelope (as defined by the easily shocked elite males who make up most of the Gridiron audience).

What we didn't really care for was Governor Bobby Jindal's bit, which appears to have been almost entirely race-based. Ugh. Once again, Jindal thought he was going to nail it, but it sounds like he just ended up looking like a member of the Stupid Party.

Yes, Governor Jindal, we agree with you that the Gridiron is surely a thrilling event of yesteryear. But that doesn't mean you need to stoop to pandering to 50-year-old attitudes — especially when your party is having such problems appealing to people of color. It makes us cats cringe, and we HISS.

The Eyes Don't Have It

By Miss Kubelik

Goodness gracious, but everybody is going googly-eyes over freshman nutcase Senator Rand Paul and his filibuster this week. What a principled libertarian, to call out the executive branch on drones!

But while the far right and the far left are drooling over Mr. Filibuster, we'd like to ask the good Senator-who-doesn't-trust-the-government one question: What, sir, is your position on abortion?

Ah. He's against it. In fact, he's so against it, he supports a "personhood amendment." Which means that Rand Paul wants the government he hates, the government that he thinks is going to drone us all, to intrude in the most personal decision an American woman can make.

So, Rand, here's what we cats say: You're a pick-and-choose Libertarian.

You worry like heck about executive power when a Democratic President is wielding it — but you have no problem with the government controlling women's bodies and lives.

Just wanted to clear that up before we hand the White House to you in 2016. In the meantime, we cats HISS.

Jeb! Jeb?

By Sniffles

We cats had a thought today. What if Jeb! Bush, despite all the breathless speculation, isn't running for President after all?

What if he's running for... Florida Governor again?

Yes, we know it's kind of counterintuitive, because a politican is supposed to be constantly striving upward. And the White House is allegedly the next rung, especially for someone whose dad (not to mention The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived) was President. But when we thought about it, we could come up with several very good reasons:

• Rick Scott is going to be toast against Charlie Crist, and the only candidate who could "save" the Florida Republican party would be... you guessed it.
• Jeb!'s wife, Columba, is a customs criminal who will never be ready for prime time. At least, not nationally. But in Florida, she'd be fine — again. (In fact, when she was Florida's "first lady" for eight years, she was barely seen.)
• As Jeb! has rudely discovered on his silly book tour this week, he himself may even be a tad unready for the national glare. The last time he ran for office was 10 years ago. It might as well be a hundred. Times (and technology) have changed.
• The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived, having nearly wrecked the country, has made it impossible for a member of the Bush family to win a national election for at least another decade, probably longer.
• As Florida's Governor, Jeb! would be able to play Republican kingmaker in 2016. Much more fun than running himself.
• Jeb! would also be in the catbird seat to help his son's political career in Texas. Anybody who wanted a favor in Tallahassee would have to max out to George P. first.
• Good buddy Al Cardenas, now head of CPAC, is a former Florida state party chair and vice chair, and would surely help grease the wheels for 2014 and for all future Worst Persons.

Add it all up, and we cats think that the pundits might not be seeing the forest (or the Bushes) for the trees.

Starting Over (And Over And Over)

By Baxter

We cats recall plenty of buzz in the last few weeks that the sole Republican among the five candidates for Mayor of Los Angeles was the real deal — a serious, rising GOP star who could, someday, help lead his flailing party out of the wilderness and back to relevance in California.

Whoops.

The next person in charge of L.A. will either be the city's first woman mayor, or its first Jewish mayor. And he or she will be a Democrat. But the next mayor of L.A. will not be the openly gay Republican fiscal conservative Kevin James. So, for the 973rd time since the 2012 election, it must be time to hit the ol' reset button on that GOP reboot.

We cats admit that as Republicans go, Kevin James might have been less objectionable than most. He's generally liberal on social issues (like — gasp! — marriage equality). But he had to back down during the campaign and say he kinda believed in climate change, and that maybe he'd been too "black and white" on immigration. And anybody who writes for TownHall.com is way off the right-wing charts in our book. So we won't miss Mr. James.

We just wonder where the Republicans are going to find the people who will save them. People who aren't retreads, who aren't total whackjobs, and who can win. We're not seeing a lot of those folks around, and we know for sure that they won't be at CPAC, either.

Meanwhile, the GOP "reset moments" just keep coming. Our favorite remains Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal telling Republicans they have to stop being "the stupid party." Because at the same time, he was announcing his plans to throw poor Louisianans out of hospice — even though all the facts and figures proved that cutting dying people off from long-term home and medical care would actually cost the state more than the Medicaid hospice benefit.

Whoops again!

Tidbits and Cat Treats: Pre-Snowquester Edition

By Zamboni

That's right, we said "snowquester." For those of you not in the Washington area, that's what silly Bob Woodward's newspaper has dubbed tomorrow's expected winter storm. From the Republicans' behavior in Congress these last few days, we can only assume that means it'll snow everywhere here except on the Pentagon.

Well, "snowquester" beats "Winter Storm Saturn," we guess. While we wait, we cats are firing up the space heaters and looking at the headlines. Here's what we've found.

Pundit World is breathlessly reporting on a Gallup poll that shows President Obama's approval rating plummeting. Our first reaction was, Gallup? Who cares? They've got to be wrong. Although we suspect the Romneys have put a lot of faith in these Gallup numbers.

Republicans are attacking Ashley Judd like crazy, and the poor dear hasn't even declared for Senate yet. They're calling her recent talk with students at George Washington University "bizarre." We think they're forgetting something. For more than 20 years, Kentucky's own Jim Bunning, who was — gosh! — a Republican, was the veritable king of bizarre. Shall we dredge up some of Bunning's choicest quotes, and ask Mitch McConnell how he stands on them? Uh-huh — we thought not.

El Presidente Hugo Chavez esta muerto. Does this mean Joe Kennedy will have to take down his "No One Should Be Left Out In The Cold" ads?

Sandra Day O'Connor is making the rounds on her book tour. Last night, Rachel Maddow inflicted an O'Connor interview on us, which, frankly, we found disappointing. You know what we'd ask if we had SDO'C sitting across from us?

"Justice O'Connor, you helped put George W. Bush in the White House. In August 2001, Bush banned federal funding for expanded stem cell research. Since your husband died of complications from Alzheimer's disease in 2009, do you feel in any way responsible for his death?"

And why stop there? Here are some other questions we'd ask:

"Justice O'Connor, as a legal scholar, do you believe there is any decision by the Court in the last 100 years that has had such disastrous consequences as Bush v. Gore?"

"The justices who formed the majority in Bush v. Gore have a long history of upholding states' rights. Why is Bush v. Gore one of the few instances, if not the sole instance, in which states'-rights justices have ruled against this principle?"

"Can you name another opinion in which you ruled against states' rights as you did in Bush v. Gore?"

"As a former Arizona state legislator, not as a former Supreme Court justice, what do you think of your state's restrictive immigration laws having been written by the Secretary of State of Kansas?"

Well, that would have been fun. Of course, we cats will never be able to ask those questions, and no member of the media will ask them, either.

But finally, and speaking of the Supreme Court: We cats have been pretty happy and amazed at the general rush to submit amicus briefs on same-sex marriage. And it reminded us that we needed to order some china pieces from Replacements, Ltd. in North Carolina. Why? Because Replacements suffered some hateful blowback from bigots when it endorsed marriage equality last year.

We assume that things are better now. But if you'd like to show your support for a clear-thinking, progressive company, visit their website and order something today!

Woe Is Willard: Looking Back Edition

By Miss Kubelik

We cats had forgotten how quickly we'd gotten used to not having Willard Mitt Romney in our face every day. And how nice that was. Until he showed back up again.

Yes, Silly Willy and his ever-irritating spouse sat down for an interview with Chris Wallace, and assured us that Willard would have totally solved that sequester thingy. (Sure he would have: by not slashing the military, but by gutting absolutely every other program that ever benefited a poor family, got somebody through a health crisis, or educated children on public TV.)

And Willard claimed that he didn't mean all that 47 percent stuff he said when he thought he was speaking in private. So, let's get this straight: Is he saying he lies to his big donors? Or that he's lying to the rest of us? He seems to think this is not a problem, by the way.

Anyhoo, we cats have thought of a few questions that Chris should have asked the Couple Who Would Be President. Such as:

"Governor, Beth Myers, your former senior campaign adviser, recently added her name to a legal brief urging the Supreme Court to rule favorably on same-sex marriage. She was joined by Clint Eastwood, Marriott International, and Bain & Company, among others. You have close ties to these signers I've mentioned, and you currently sit on the board at Marriott. Did you have anything to do with their decisions to sign? And since you used to favor gay rights, and have said you won't run for office again, why didn't you sign the brief yourself?"

"Governor, in the 2012 general election, you lost Florida by fewer than 100,000 votes. Do you think voter suppression is responsible for that? For example, had Rick Scott not cut back early voting hours so dramatically, do you think that white working people who supported you would have been more easily able to vote and be counted?"

"Governor, your running mate, Paul Ryan, was unable to deliver the state of Wisconsin to you. You also lost two states you call home, Massachusetts and Michigan. Why did the people who know you best vote against you?"

"Governor, why did you think your pollster was smarter than Nate Silver?"

"Mrs. Romney, what did you do with the inaugural ball gown you picked out?"

"Finally, Governor, you're scheduled to speak at CPAC this month. Do you think the ballroom will be half-empty? Or will Al Cardenas perform a Jedi mind-mind to force people to attend?"

Dear Rancid Pieface: Come Fly With Us

By Sniffles

The John Boehner Memorial Sequester is starting to take effect. The air traffic control tower at our nearby regional airport is scheduled to close next month, leaving pilots to discuss their landings amongst themselves. We cats are wondering if we'll be able to hear the crash when the inevitable occurs.

But, never mind! The sequester is a good thing! Right?

We cats decided we needed to find a topic that would distract and amuse us. And it wasn't long before we found one: Rancid Pieface, chairman of the Republican National Committee.

See, it seems that Pieface is taking the GOP's poor performance with minority voters deeply to heart. He wants people of color to vote Republican. "I just sort of reached a boiling point on the issue," he said.

It is to laugh.

Rancid Pieface is the same guy who, as chairman of the Wisconsin Republican Party, repeatedly said "Obama" when he meant "Osama." (Yeah, just "accidentally," over and over again, confuse the world's most wanted terrorist with the first black President.) He's the same guy who helped elect a teabagger Wisconsin Senator who continually votes against the interest of minority voters. He's the same guy who helped elect a Governor who declared war on municipal and unionized employees, a large number of whom are minorities.

And when was the last time that Chairman Pieface called out a party official or Republican-appointed judge for sending a racist email?

Finally, this is the same guy who was rabidly endorsing efforts to make it impossible for "those people" to register and vote — and who just loves the idea of rigging the Electoral College for the GOP.

We cats suggest that, should Pieface need to fly back to Washington sometime soon, he take a flight that lands at our regional airport.

Pity Party

By Baxter

First of all, before we cats get into today's post, we just want to say, happy Breitbart anniversary. (Okay, we know that was really mean of us. But since Andrew Breitbart was one of the cruelest people who ever lived, we feel justified.)

Meanwhile, on to the news of the day!

No, we're not going to discuss the sequester. The President gave a wonderful press conference on it today, and we couldn't possibly improve on it — except that of course he meant "Vulcan mind meld," not "Jedi." (On the other hand, maybe he felt he had to purposely appeal to both the "Star Trek" and "Star Wars" camps.)

Instead, we cats are going to focus on something gossipy. Specifically, the weird-sad interview that Willard Mitt Romney and his entitled wife Ann gave to the always-embarrassing Chris Wallace over at FOX "News."

It seems that Willard is A-okay with having lost the 2012 election, but Ann is still struggling with it.

Are we cats surprised? No way. Of course Ann feels the pain more than Willard does. Willard never really wanted to be President. It was just an item to check off on his Bain to-do list, something to prove to his late father, something to do because of noblesse oblige. If he had really wanted the Presidency, perhaps Willard would have found a way to average more than one campaign event a day for two years. Maybe he would have done a campaign event on Labor Day. But, no.

Ann, on the other hand, did want it. She wanted America to worship her the same way it worshiped Nancy and Barbara and Laura. She wanted the country to point to her sons as examples of what good American sons should be. As a non-Mormon whose family was not welcome at her own wedding, Ann needed to be validated. So while Willard has shrugged and moved on to the next thing on his do list, Ann is in full anger-management mode. Oh, well!

(If there's one thing you can say about Jeb!, at least his customs-criminal wife hasn't been sitting around for the last 20 years planning her First Ladyship. We think.)

(IMAGE: Crazy man. He may be dead, but unfortunately his malevolent spirit lives on — in the House Republican caucus.)