Black Thursday

By Baxter

Looks like the Cruz Caucus in the House of Representatives didn't want "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell to be the most humiliated Republican in the world this week. Thanks to them, John Boehner and his new "leadership team," Kevin McCarthy and Steve Scalise, are pretty embarrassed themselves.

Sure, Boehner and the boys may get their act together tomorrow and end up passing something on immigration and the border. But as the pundits have noted, the damage is already done.

So the Republicans are reduced to spluttering that President Obama should fix the problem without them, via executive order — the very thing they sued him for yesterday. This is total silliness. Because all Boehner has to do is bring the Senate-passed immigration bill* to the House floor, and it would pass with bipartisan support.

The Republicans, Nancy Pelosi told reporters today, "really don't believe in governance. The American people deserve better than this."

(*UPDATE: The Plum Line's Greg Sargent agrees with us: "If Republicans had passed immigration reform...it would have wiped away the need for Obama's deferred-deportation program and we wouldn't even be talking about expanding it, meaning no need for Republicans to fear more Obummer Lawlessness. Reform would have spent more on border security and helped unclog the courts, speeding the removal of arriving migrants, which Republicans support. If it had passed...we would not be talking about [Obama] acting alone to shift more resources from interior enforcement to the border, either.")

"I Love My Children Very Much. I'm Sorry They're Having To Go Through This"

By Sniffles

The Transvaginal Bob McDonnell corruption trial is astonishing. We cats had a live blog up on our computer all day, and just when we thought the testimony couldn't get any more cringe-inducing, it did.

And it's just beginning! Goodness gracious, Transvaginal Bob and his greedy cheerleader wife must truly fear prison — or have an exalted sense of righteousness — or both — to willingly subject themselves to such humiliation. In fact, it's so bad that we cats are thinking that even if "Bo" and "Mo" don't get convicted, we've enjoyed ourselves enough.

But then we wallow in the details, and we change our minds. Let's review them again, shall we?

• Daughter Cailin, weeping on the stand, claimed that she and her husband would have preferred a simple, backyard wedding and never thought to question a $15,000 payment for her catering bill from "Jonnie" Williams, a man she'd met for only 15 minutes.
• Son "Bobby" received golf clubs from Williams, and even though he thought the gift was "excessive," decided to keep them because Williams was his friend, not his parents'.
• Maureen wanted Williams's private plane to hopscotch across the Commonwealth, picking up her three adult children in two different locations and take them to the Homestead resort — a journey they could have driven in less than two hours.
• Williams flew daughter Rachel and a friend down to Florida for a lavish, beach-club-and-yacht-trip-filled vacation.
• Maureen told Williams that she and Transvaginal Bob were broke, adding, "The governor says it’s okay for me to help you, but I need you to help me with this financial situation." (That sounds pretty quid pro quo-y to us.) 

Yep, these McDonnells are truly the most embarrassing Republican family since the Palins. But the worst is Transvaginal Bob himself. He's not only guilty of forcing his rigid, narrow religious views into Virginians' personal lives by enshrining them in restrictive legislation. He isn't just a closet hater who wrote a homophobic master's thesis at Regent "University" and issued a Confederate History Month proclamation that completely ignored slavery. He is also a rotten, awful, horrible man.

How do we know? Here's how. He claims to adore his children. But for some strange, twisted reason, he refused a plea offer and insisted on this trial instead — this trial that is making his daughter cry, his son look like an idiot, and his family a laughingstock. If that's fine, upstanding Christian manhood, we cats HISS.

Correlations

You've seen this map, right? In the purple states, dogs are more popular than cats. States in green? Cat Country.

We Democratic cats see similarities between this cat-versus-dog America and some other interesting US maps. Think we're exaggerating? Check it out.

Here's the 2012 election, red versus blue:

Here's the Medicaid expansion map. States in blue accepted additional Medicaid monies under the provisions of the Affordable Care Act. States in yellow have not — and coincidentally, nearly all have Republican Governors. (Virginia is still yellow, but not because our Terry McAuliffe hasn't tried.)

Finally, here's marriage equality. This was a tough one, because it seems to change hour by hour, but it's pretty much up to date. States in green — well, you get it.

 

In short, we're seeing a lot of enlightened states, with Democratic Governors who care about the health of their constituents, with people who favor equal protection under the law, who voted for President Obama, and who own a lot of cats. It all makes us PURR.

Probing Questions

By Zamboni

Hoo boy. It's only the first post-jury-selection day for the Transvaginal-Bob-McDonnell-and-his-greedy-wife corruption trial, and already it's made headlines.

"[F]ormer first lady Maureen McDonnell had a crush on wealthy benefactor Jonnie Williams, Sr. and considered him her favorite 'playmate,' a defense attorney told jurors today," the Richmond Times-Dispatch reports. Williams, we are told, "showered her with the attention she craved."

What? We cats have questions.

Why is Maureen's "crush" a defense? It just adds fuel to the prosecutors' fire. What better way for a spoiled, mad-as-a-wet-cat former cheerleader to get back at her neglectful Governor-husband by making him do illegal stuff for her favorite... oh, sorry, but we can't repeat it without hacking up a hairball. Our point is this: Bob still did the stuff.

And — marital problems? What's that about? Maybe one of Transvaginal Bob's character witnesses, Ken "Fetuses Should Drive Ferraris" Cuccinelli, can explain why a devout couple like the McDonnells didn't get marriage counseling from their clergyman like every good Christian man and wife are supposed to do.

We just hope that Transvaginal Bob, as he sat and listened to this embarrassing tripe, felt like somebody was sticking a probe up a body cavity. As for us, in the words of Alan Jay Lerner: "How simply frightful! How humiliating! How delightful!"

(IMAGE: Northern Virginia Magazine)

Another Bad Day To Be Bob Marshall

By Miss Kubelik

Could our gay and lesbian friends get hitched in Virginia in 21 days? We cats can't wait to hear, because a federal appeals court has just declared unconstitutional the Marshall-Newman amendment — Virginia's same-sex marriage ban.

Our guess is that the diehard opponents of marriage equality — including our silly delegate to Richmond — will whine all the way to the Supreme Court. But still, it's another bright spot on an already fun day (jury selection is underway in "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell's corruption trial even as we meow).

We'll keep our ears pricked for further developments. But meanwhile, we never fail to laugh at how the haters keep citing ancient polls and elections to support their bans. Virginians voted against marriage equality eight years ago. Today, the people have completely flipped on the issue — something that "the Family Foundation of Virginia" never mentions.

Here's a question for you: If we discover that at some point a majority of Americans were against the Revolution, should we hand ourselves back to Britain? We cats PURR.

(PHOTO: Virginia marriage ban plaintiffs Tony London and Timothy Bostic, by Daniel Sangjib Min, Richmond Times-Dispatch)

"A Potentially Humiliating Spectacle"

By Baxter

Depressed about the state of the world lately? If you've had your fill of crashing planes, fighting in the Middle East, and immigrant children accused of carrying the ebola virus, take heart — "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell is coming to your rescue.

That's because the corruption trial of Virginia's former Republican Governor and his squeezing, wrenching, grasping, clutching, covetous wife starts tomorrow! Which means that while we're having a lovely, relaxing Sunday evening right now, Bob and Maureen are, um, not.

We cats are so looking forward to this trial that we're actually thinking of missing a few naps to follow it. Meanwhile, here are some thoughts on the excitement to come:

Defense attorneys are allegedly going to claim that Maureen accepted baubles from bogus-pill-pusher "Jonnie" Williams without Transvaginal Bob's knowledge. In short: Bob will throw wifey under the bus, like any good Christian husband should.

Defense attorneys also will try to slam Williams for boasting to Bob that he knew Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton. We cats think this could backfire. Jurors might wonder why, after hearing something like that, Transvaginal Bob didn't run screaming into the night.

Even in their final days in Richmond's Executive Mansion, Maureen was trying to cadge free stuff. She demanded four boxes of Christmas ornaments that belonged to the state. "The Citizens Advisory Council for Furnishing and Interpreting the Mansion...offered to let her pay for them," The Washington Post reports. "She declined." What else is there to say?

Oh, maybe one thing: We cats would like to have a dollar for every time that, over the coming weeks, a pundit will call the McDonnell downfall a "tragedy." Sorry, folks. The tragedy is what Transvaginal Bob and his repulsive party, with its unbending majority in Richmond, have done to the women of Virginia and the overall state of the Commonwealth. Which makes us cats HISS.

(IMAGE: Jonnie and Maureen, before the roof fell in.)

Funny, You Don't LOOK American!

By Sniffles

Republican Congressman and all-around idiot Curt Clawson tried to brush off his behavior in a House hearing on Thursday by semi-blaming it on his staff for not "fully briefing" him. But he's just the latest example of the GOP's attitude toward people who don't look like them.

Clawson indulgently told State and Commerce Department officials Nisha Biswal and Arun Kumar, "I'm familiar with your country; I love your country," and urged them to tell the folks in New Delhi to work with the US economically. "I ask cooperation and commitment and priority from your government in so doing," he said. "Can I have that?"

Biswal and Kumar treated this moron far more graciously than he deserved, which is probably for the best. But what is it with Republicans and people of color? Clearly, Clawson looked at these two faces attached to those names, and assumed they couldn't possibly be from the land of E Pluribus Unum.

We cats have an idea: Let's show Clawson a picture of Bobby Jindal, tell him he's the Prime Minister of India, and see if he agrees.

"The NFL Wants Your Money. It Will Do Nothing Else For You."

We cats are grateful to Keith Olbermann for getting us through the Bush years. Now, we're glad that he reminds us to be outraged.

What's Next, Ford's Theater?

By Zamboni

In the 1968 film "The Producers," a woman walking out of "Springtime for Hitler" proclaims to her husband: "Well! Talk about bad taste!"

That's the first thing we cats thought of when we heard that members of "Open Carry Texas" demonstrated at Dealey Plaza in Dallas, site of the John F. Kennedy assassination.

We'll know that these small-organ'd men are serious when they try to gather in front of the Washington Hilton. Until then, we cats SNARL and dump our dirty litter boxes over their heads.

(P.S.: Answer to the question in our headline: Probably.)

Feet To The Fire

By Miss Kubelik

Maryland gubernatorial candidate Anthony Brown has done something we wish more Democrats would do: Force his Republican opponent to own or disown a right-wing whackjob in his party.

The nut in question, Michael Paroutka, is a candidate for Anne Arundel County Council, a race that normally doesn't grab big headlines. But Paroutka is a secessionist, belongs to the League of the South, a racist organization that the Southern Poverty Law Center has dubbed a hate group, and believes in "God-based" government. (His god, of course.)

Republican Larry Hogan's campaign went into immediate repudiation mode (which is an interesting comparison to, say, Rand Paul — who took forever to unload a John Wilkes Booth admirer who calls himself "The Southern Avenger" from his Senate staff). But in the process, Hogan's spokesperson said something curious about Paroutka and the League: "Those [racist/secessionist/teabag] views have never been a part of the Republican Party and they never will."

Ahem, Mr. Larry Hogan Spokesguy. Those views are totally part of the Republican Party. Did a Democrat call Barack Obama "the food stamp President"? Did a Democrat accuse him of "Kenyan, anti-colonial behavior"? Did a Democrat call him "a subhuman mongrel"? Do Democrats hold signs that show Obama as a witch doctor? Share emails with pictures of watermelons growing on the South Lawn? Parade outside the White House gates with the Confederate battle flag?

Republicans can pretend that their party doesn't welcome haters into its ever-smaller tent, but the world knows better. We cats HISS.

"What's Excruciating Is Seeing Your Father Lying There In A Pool Of Blood"

We cats probably don't agree with murder-victim family member Jeanne Brown on the death penalty, but she gets huge points for saying "lying" and not "laying."

Going Around, Coming Around

By Baxter

We cats were watching an HBO documentary on the defeat of California's Prop 8 when something suddenly dawned on us about Ted Olson: Does he ever think about how, by winning Bush v. Gore, he helped put in office the very people whose negligence killed his wife on September 11?

Which got us started on more unintended consequences. Here are a few that are ripped from more recent headlines.

In a few weeks, Scotland will vote on whether to stay in the United Kingdom — or call it a day after more than 300 years. It's partly thanks to Conservative Prime Minister David Cameron's austerity and privatization policies, which the Scots hate. (In which case, we advise US teabaggers and Americans for Prosperity to cancel that vacation in Edinburgh. They won't be warmly welcomed.)

We already know that Republican dilly-dallying on immigration, their hatred for Obama and their desperate embrace of the teabags is killing them with Hispanics and rallying African Americans to establishment GOP candidates' side. Now, it looks as if, thanks to changing demographics (and growing minority populations) in Georgia, we soon may add the Peach State to the blue-state list.

Ted Nugent's racist piggery is hitting him in the pocketbook now. Good. Our nutjob friends over at Free Republic must be screaming about this, so once again, let us cats remind them that the Nugent concert cancellation has nothing to do with free speech and everything to do with What The Market Will Bear.

Finally, there's Israel's ben Gurion airport, temporarily off-limits to American, Canadian and some European carriers due to a nearby rocket attack by Hamas. Yes, Hamas is to blame for this. But we suspect that the rockets would stop (and commercial flights could resume) if only Israel would release its stranglehold on Gaza and let the Palestinians out. There, we said it.

"It's The Least That Decency Demands"

By Sniffles

Ever since we cats saw this disgusting picture two days ago, we've been wondering if Vladimir Putin knows how screwed he is.

And then we heard that he put out a wheedling statement at 1:40 AM, "calling" for an investigation of the MH17 shoot-down. He must be feeling the heat from a world recoiling in horror — not just at the vision of drunken, ski-mask-wearing hooligans looting the crash site, but at the thought of innocent people's bodies lying for days in Ukrainian fields before being callously tossed around in black garbage bags.

Sadly, it wasn't Pootie's earlier treatment of Russian gays and lesbians (much lauded by the right wing here in the US) that's brought such condemnation on his stupid head. But if Europe is willing to agree to tougher sanctions and if FIFA takes the next World Cup away from him, we won't argue.

Meanwhile, our President took to the microphones this morning to keep the pressure on. But first, he signed an executive order protecting LGBT federal employees — which was an extra-delicious repudiation of everything Pootie stands for. We cats PURR.

Unwise

By Zamboni

See this? All these people (and more who don't fit into the picture frame) are waiting to get into Remote Area Medical program, held yesterday in Virginia in Wise, a town of about 3,000 near the Kentucky border. The Washington Post reports that 4,000-plus people had shown up by 4 AM for free medical and dental treatment. Some waited 30 hours for care.

Governor McAuliffe visited, too. Yes, we cats know he has a Medicaid expansion to push, but we hope Richmond Republicans — who, we're sure, must enjoy excellent healthcare — take a moment to read some of the stories of the people who depend on RAM.

If they do, perhaps they'll be heartened by this: Many members of the generally white, low-income crowd in Wise yesterday weren't big fans of President Obama — despite the fact that Medicaid expansion under the Affordable Care Act is meant to help people like them. "Obama is closing all the coal mines, so now the mines can't afford to offer us insurance," said one.

Um, no.

What are we cats to think? We certainly want our fellow Virginians, whether they admire Barack Obama or not, to get affordable, dependable healthcare. It helps them, helps hospitals, helps the economy, and helps us all. It's a no-brainer. But we can't understand how people can stand in line for free medical care and tell a reporter things like, "We're hardworking, hillbilly mountain people. We're too proud to beg and bum."

Ma'am, you are begging and bumming. We're happy you can do so, because RAM once a year is better than nothing. But it's the Republicans in Richmond who are keeping you begging — instead of allowing you year-round access to a government program that you need and sincerely deserve. We cats HISS.

The Right Wing's Putin Fan Club Takes A Hit

By Miss Kubelik

Our nutty teabag friends over at Free Republic sure loved Vlad Pootie when he started making life miserable for Russian gays and lesbians. So we cats were wondering how they were feeling now that it appears that Vlad helped seal the horrifying fate of 298 innocent people on MH17.

The answer: Conflicted.

They don't want to believe the worst of Pootie since, like them, he's such a devoted gay hater. But they're not happy to see his fingerprints on yesterday's shoot-down. But, but — they despise President Obama so much that they're also leaning toward wild conspiracy theories.

In the spirit of public service, we cats hereby present some of their choicest comments:

"Not defending anyone here but it seems like flying a commercial jet over a war zone with known automated air defense systems in place is a bad idea."

"Putin says Ukraine bears responsibility. Who knows? Maybe he’s right."

"Going by who stands to benefit from the event, the finger must point at a Western-backed black op to knock this plane out of the sky over Ukraine."

"All the US is doing is looking for a cause for war in Ukraine. Well, a 'police effort' or covert op, or what have you. But basically they want Ukraine to get in the EU. This gives the West control over Ukraine’s government."

"Could US intelligence have done this? You bet."

And here's the prizewinner:

"If Vladmir Putin wants to poke The One in the eye with a stick, I will be glad to sharpen one up for him."

How the teabags hate America. We cats HISS.

The Ziegler Award

By Baxter

Is it because of the 40th anniversary of Watergate that today's Republicans are paying unique homage to the master of misstatement, Ronald Ziegler?

You remember Ron: The former Disneyland tour guide turned White House spokesman who, after denying Nixon Administration involvement for ages, was forced by the scandal's steadily emerging smoking guns to say, "All my previous statements are inoperative"? Yeah, that worked.

Republicans in 2014 aren't having much more luck than the late, unlamented Ronnie Z.

Take the newest Republican bright light from Arizona, State Representative Adam Kwasman — who showed up with his fellow teabaggers to confront an allegedly arriving busload of undocumented children and oh, we don't know, shoot or stone them or something. Turned out the bus was from the YMCA, taking local kids to camp.

Kwasman tried to dodge the fallout by deleting a tweet and fumbling through a squirmworthy interview in which he claimed the YMCA kids — who actually were amused and taking pictures of the crazy old white haters with their cellphones — were "sad."

Amazingly, this Kwasman jackass is not the only Republican stumbling around verbally this week. GOP Congresswoman Renee Elmers advised her party to connect with female voters by bringing their policy arguments "down to a woman's level." And of course, there's the perennially creepy Todd Akin, who is continually fascinated with the subject of rape — and astounded that he keeps getting into hot water for it. What's the big deal? he whined today. "I misspoke some words."

You know what, Republicans? A party that tolerates idiots like this is a national embarrassment. As far as we cats are concerned, you're all inoperative.

(IMAGE: Ronnie Z was chinless before Chinless Ed Gillespie was.)

Cat Fight! Kansas Republicans vs. Kansas Republicans

By Sniffles

In case you thought Mississippi was the only red state in which the GOP was self-destructing, think again. There's a whole lot the matter with Kansas these days.

The reign of Governor Sam Brownback has been so disastrous for the state (tax cuts for the wealthy leading to a $338 million budget shortfall) that 104 Republican leaders have endorsed Brownback's 2014 Democratic rival, Paul Davis.

This is so great. Not only is the entertainment value for us Democrats high, but it's another example of the crazy stuff that's flying semi-under-the-radar, that could throw monkey wrenches into the pundits' everything's-rosy-for-the-GOP prognostications.

Yes, the endangered Brownback is a Governor. (And former Senator, actually.) But as in Mississippi, his state Republican party is cracking at the seams, with the delicious, added uncertainty of teabag rage. How mad will the GOP desertions to Davis leave the Sunflower State's right-right wing, and will they take it out on Republican Senator Pat Roberts in his August primary?

Don't laugh. Ken "Fetuses Are More Important Than Fully Born Immigrant Children" Cuccinelli's Senate Conservatives Fund just announced a big ad buy against Roberts, starting as early as tomorrow. No doubt Cootch and his gang will use establishment Republicans' treachery against Brownback as an extra lever to nudge angry teabags to vote Roberts out next month.

Which is fine with us. The state of the state of Kansas never troubles our many catnaps. But we love it when Republicans fight. Which means we've been doing a lot of PURRing lately.

The Pedro Pans Of Today Would Be Given The Hook

Contrast the way Jack Kennedy's America embraced Cuba's Pedro Pan refugees with the teabag xenophobes who today are grabbing guns and chasing busloads of kids out of town.

We cats would love it if the former Pedro Pan children would speak up about this. Barring that, it would be nice if everybody would just shut up and listen to the Pope.

More Evidence That Haters Against Immigration Reform Cannot Speak, Write Or Spell English

An empty warehouse that was being considered as a temporary shelter for immigrant kids, in — you guessed it — a predominantly Republican area of Westminster, Maryland.

(PHOTO: Jenna Johnson, The Washington Post)

The Mississippi GOP Is (Pardon The Expression) Committing Suicide

By Zamboni

A year ago, this is what Pundit World was saying about the Mississippi Senate race: There was no way that Thad Cochran was going to lose. It was a totally safe seat for which he would waltz to victory without even breaking a sweat. In fact, the Democrats may not even put up a credible candidate.

Today, what do we have — now that Cochran couldn't win his primary outright, and squeaked by in a runoff only by calling on Democratic votes, outraging his teabagger opponent (who won't go away)?

• The party is brutally split — thanks not just to the way Cochran won, but also to disgusting teabag tactics (invading a nursing home and taking a video of the dementia-afflicted Rose Cochran).
• The previously revered-in-Mississippi Barbour name is mud, and African-American voters got a GOTV practice run for November.
• The Democratic nominee, Travis Childers, would have been competitive in his own right; now, in the wake of this GOP mess, he may have an even better chance against Cochran.
• One of the local teabag leaders, implicated in the Rose Cochran nursing-home episode, killed himself.

And that's just the beginning! Still to come: To what extent will the party base in Mississippi stay home this fall? And what ripple effects will the Mississippi madness have on teabag turnout across the country?

We cats don't have those answers yet. But we look at this list and we see lots to PURR about. So we do.

(IMAGE: Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times Free Press)

She's Not Their Headache. She's Their Brain Tumor.

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have done some thinking since an NBC/Wall Street Journal poll came out that showed most Americans — including four in 10 Republicans — want the Famous Quitter from Alaska to shut up.

Yep, America is more sick of her than even of Dick Cheney. And those four in 10 Republicans must be alarmed that Sarah Palin's latest babblings about impeachment will turn Democrats' fortunes around.

However, while the GOP can wish the Famous Quitter away, they are the ones who created her. In fact, we cats would go so far as to say the entire party has been Palinized — populated across the board by empty political performers instead of policy makers.

How do we know? Let's take the 54 useless votes to repeal Obamacare, for example. They're useless, indeed — but not only because repeal always dies on arrival in the Democratic Senate. It's because the GOP never offers its alternative.

As the Affordable Care Act recedes as a 2014 campaign issue, the Republicans are trying to slink away from this — but we cats think they should be called out for their Famous-Quitter-style lack of seriousness. They have Obamacare backwards: What they should do is pass a healthcare reform package of their own first, and then address repeal. But they don't — which means that they're just screaming for the sake of screaming.

It's positively Palinesque. It's no substance, all show. It's more proof that people who don't believe in government should never be allowed to govern. And sadly, that describes the entire Grand Old Party today. We cats HISS.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: Tuning Out The Extremists Edition

By Baxter

Summertime.... and the GOP's crazy. We cats hate to keep singing the same tune, but the Republicans aren't letting up, are they? Here are a few observations that crossed our minds between Saturday naps.

So Willard Mitt Romney dashes up to that place in New Hampshire where he declared his failed 2012 candidacy and endorses Scott Brown — and Brown's already-not-great poll numbers against Jeanne Shaheen drop to 12 behind. With a favorable rating of just 31 percent! Perhaps this is what happens when people find out that an anti-Obamacare guy has an adult daughter enrolled in his insurance, thanks to... Obamacare.

Speaking of which, the Affordable Care Act has officially reduced the ranks of the uninsured by nearly 10 million, with the uninsured rate falling to 13.4 percent of adults. Just imagine how many more Americans would be gaining coverage if their red-state Republican Governors would expand Medicaid! Prediction: In five or so years, when mortality, cancer and other rates fall everywhere but in those red states, Republicans will blame Obama.

Meanwhile, things aren't looking so red-hot up in red-state South Dakota. A contestant choked to death in a hot-dog-eating contest. After attempts to revive him on the scene failed, the man was rushed to a local hospital, where he was pronounced dead. We cats would like to know: Did this guy have health insurance? If so, was it through Obamacare? Would the local Chamber of Commerce, which sponsored the speed-eating, care to comment on the deceased's insurance status? Hm, we thought not.

Finally, a follow-up to our previous post about not missing Gadsden flag license plates while we were in Canada. Here's another thing we've noticed about the True North vs. the US: Right-wingers in Canada don't plaster the backs of their cars with dozens of bumper stickers. Are they just less angry than American teabags? You be the judge! We cats PURR.

An Inconvenient Boob

By Sniffles

Oh, how the Republican Party would love for their whackjobs to go away, so they could pull the wool over voters' eyes and take over the Senate (or more). Sadly for them, though, since the GOP has sold its soul to Teabag World, it's increasingly difficult to pull that off.

Latest case in point? The highly inconvenient book by Neanderthal former Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin, who has suddenly decided he was right about "legitimate rape" all along. Which has made the Republican Party go, pardon our French, batshit.

We cats don't usually use profanities, but in this case we think they're justified. Because here's what some of the brightest lights of the GOP have said about Akin's newfound defiance:

"Todd Akin is an embarrassment to the Republican Party and the sole reason Claire McCaskill is still part of Harry Reid’s majority."

"Todd Akin has no one to blame for his loss but Todd Akin."

Whoa. How fast can we, the Republican establishment, run from the monsters that we not only created but took to our bosoms, thinking we could control them?

Make no mistake: The GOP is scared. Sure, all the punditheads say that the Senate map favors them this year, and we cats don't dispute that. But, it should be noted: Stuff Keeps Happening. As in, five old guys on the Supreme Court saying that your boss can dictate your birth control decisions. As in, Scott Brown is embarrassing himself in New Hampshire. As in, Bob Beauprez has a 47 percent video of his own. As in, Mark Pryor is leading his teabag opponent by 11 points.

So we cats are happy to report that Todd Akin still thinks that he knows how lady parts work. Let's have every Republican official, and every Republican candidate, asked to defend or explain Akin's remarks. Because in a just world, that's what would happen. Which would make us cats PURR.

Jeb! Hearts The "Hang 'Em High" Crowd

By Zamboni

Paul LePage, Maine's whackjob Governor, is somebody who squeaked into office in a multi-candidate race and whom we cats would dearly love to see shown the door this year. We've always known he was bad news — rude, crude and racist, like so many of his teabag friends.

Until recently, though, we just didn't know how bad.

Turns out that LePage has held eight meetings, totaling 16 hours, with members of Maine's "Sovereign Citizens," discussing — among other things — executing Democratic state legislative leaders for treason.

(That's because SCs ridiculously believe that all citizens have the right to petition the government to change laws they don't like. These petitions are called "remonstrances." Once an official receives one — as several Maine legislators have — he or she must act on it or resign. It's the screwy story behind all the "traitor" accusations flying around.)

Now, we cats would like to point out one tiny detail that may get lost in all the let's-execute-the-Democrats threats. One of Loony LePage's enthusiastic fund raisers is none other than Mr. Reasonable, Mr. Savior-of-the-Republican-Party himself, Jeb! Bush.

Which brings us to a couple of questions: When are the media going to stop lazily repeating stock lines like "Bush is a moderate," and start connecting the dots? And why are this LePage guy and his Sovereign Citizens friends not in jail? We cats HISS.

Unconvincing Performance

By Miss Kubelik

As film buffs, we cats are aware that John Travolta's star turn in the 2000 stinker "Battlefield Earth" is considered by many to be the worst by an actor, ever. And we agreed — until we heard Ted Cruz's recent rant about Mississippi.

Cruz took to the ultra-right Mark Levin radio show to belatedly slam the kerfuffle between Senator Thad Cochran and his crazy teabag opponent, Chris McDaniel. "The conduct of the Washington, DC machine in the Mississippi runoff was incredibly disappointing," he opined.

Cruz couldn't have sounded less convincing than if he were reading from a script — which we cats were sure he was. Because back on June 25 — the day after the election — Cruz said something quite different: "I certainly congratulate my colleague, Thad." We cats know this because our off-the-radar fascist friends over at Free Republic were just freaking furious about it.

You read that right: We've never seen such blistering Freeper comment on their erstwhile hero, Cruz. "He’s condoning the disgusting RINO backstabber tactics," screamed one, "and not helping if it goes to court!" Wailed another, "Why didn’t Cruz just shut up until the possible legal challenge is filed?" (Of course, you'd never know any of this if you only read The Washington Post, because it completely failed to mention Cruz's earlier congrats to Cochran. If Katherine Graham were alive today, she'd be spinning in her grave.)

So it's clear to us cats that Ted Cruz is a weak sister — plainly taken to task by his angry, hateful base, and desperate to make amends. Don't make room on your shelf for an Oscar, sir. You won't be winning it.

Meanwhile, goodness gracious: What's it going to take for the Republican powers that be to give Cruz the boot? Since when did holding a leadership position in the National Republican Senatorial Committee not define you as a member of the "DC machine"?

Once again, the failure of McConnell, Cornyn, Moran, et.al. to rein in the quisling they invited into their inner sanctum ranks as one of the lamest acts of their sorry political careers. But don't rush to fix things, boys. Because you're all making us PURR.

Keep The Telescopes Working — But Right Now, Put Armageddon On Hold

By Baxter

We cats have a word or two to say about the United States Senate.

Over at The New York Times, Charles Blow is having kittens at the thought of the Senate going Republican this fall. He should. We cats have said privately many times that Barack and Michelle might as well pack their bags if that happens, because — just as in the Clinton years — the GOP would rather impeach than govern.

So we agree with our friend Charles that Democrats mustmustmust mobilize their voters and get them to the polls in November. And we agree from the outset that of the 2014 Senate races, South Dakota and West Virginia are looking very bad for us.

But that's two states. What's happening everywhere else?

We'll tell you, because that's where our contrarian natures are taking hold — and where reality may be interfering with the punditheads' prognostications (which, by the way, we've stopped listening to). Here's our take on 2014 to date.

We've been hearing for a year now about what a disaster this midterm is going to be. Yet Kay Hagan, Mark Begich, Mary Landrieu and Mark Pryor are all even in the polls or actually ahead. (In fact, Pryor, who was supposed to be dead, has been running a spirited campaign that no one thought him capable of.) If these races are such a done deal, why haven't Haley Barbour and The Wall Street Journal told the voters?

Alison Lundergan Grimes and Michele Nunn are ahead or even in Kentucky and Georgia. (P.S.: Why aren't the media labeling Mitch McConnell toast? By their standards, he would be.)

Michigan, Iowa, Colorado, Minnesota and Oregon — the so-called "expanding map" — are, indeed, tight races. But the Democrats in those states are still ahead. And in several, the Republican nominee has fallen back in the polls after the blush of nomination has worn off.

In New Hampshire, Scott Brown is a joke. Here in Virginia, Chinless Ed Gillespie is invisible. Mississippi is, as we know, an abortion for the Republicans (who as we know don't believe in abortion).

Meanwhile, the media aren't asking the following questions:

Will state public employees just lie back and let the GOP take power? Will young voters not show up to defend contraception, gay marriage, the environment, and voting rights? Will African Americans not step up and say "screw you" to Republicans who hate the President? Will Hispanics not vote to excoriate GOP inaction on immigration (and Ann Coulter's insults)? And most of all, will pissed-off teabaggers not stay home?

When all is said and done, we cats would still rather be us than them. Check back with us in November — but in the meantime, we PURR.

Dorothy Was Wrong

By Sniffles

We cats have been in Canada for the last two weeks. So while we were able to observe St. Jean Baptiste Day and Canada Day (complete with fireworks), the Fourth of July got by without us.

Actually, although we're looking forward to returning home, we have to say it was kind of nice to be out of the US for awhile. Because it meant we could be away from:

Guns. We see that lots of Americans shot one another over the holiday weekend. What's that about? Canadians have guns, too. They just don't seem to use them as much.

Ann Coulter. That woman — if indeed she is a woman — is so repugnant we usually barely take notice of her. But with her inane comments about the World Cup, she's managed to offend two key constituencies whose votes the Republicans dearly want and need. After all, who in the US loves soccer more than Hispanics and girls?

The boys on the Supreme Court. Why is it that, in Antonin Scalia's and Samuel Alito's America, gun owners and anti-choice crusaders have more rights than women needing contraception?

Teabaggers. Canadians don't drive around with Gadsden Flag license plates on their cars. So we don't miss those one bit. But we admit we're loving all the fights the Republicans are having down in Mississippi.

Richard Mellon Scaife — whoops! Never mind. We cats PURR.

A Tale Of Two Metaphors

By Zamboni

Which incident better illustrates the sorry state of the Republican Party? The aborted, post-primary Thad Cochran conference call, or the surely not-to-be-aborted, expected Cassidy grandchild?

We cats find it hard to pick.

In the Cochran call, which the Barbours orchestrated for the media in an attempt to put right-wing rage over Thad's primary defeat of Chris McDaniel to bed, GOP weaknesses were on full display when the call was hijacked by a teabag spewing racist comments. Austin Barbour was unable to cut off the intruder without ending the entire call itself — because the campaign either didn't think they needed a "mute" function or were unwilling to pay for it.

So we're left to marvel that the once-mighty Barbours not only underestimated the ability of their party's hate-filled base to upend their cocooned little world — they've supplanted the Romney campaign as Exhibit A of Republican technological helplessness.

Meanwhile, one state over in Louisiana, Republican Senate candidate Bill Cassidy has announced that his 17-year-old daughter is pregnant out of wedlock. Surely this is a failure of GOP family values, which more and more appear to not exist (see McAllister, Vance, otherwise known as "the kissing Congressman"). But wait, here's the real mind-bender: Both Cassidy and his wife are medical doctors.

Two physicians couldn't educate their daughter on effective birth control? If that's not an example of Republican head-in-the-Bible denial of science, we cats don't know what is.

Since it's impossible to choose one of these symbols of GOP demise over another, we cats will simply point to the Supreme Court — which has just descended into a Republican-boys-versus-Democratic-girls civil war over the very birth control that the badly parented Meg Cassidy should have been using.

We're glad we're on the side of reason when it comes to stuff like this. It makes us PURR.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: We'd Still Rather Be Us Than Them

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have a litmus test for how well or how badly things are going politically for us Democrats. Would we want to switch places with the Republicans? Although many pundits are saying we should, we have surveyed the news landscape and decided that the answer is no. Here are a few reasons why:

The new jobs report. Gosh — 288,000 jobs and the unemployment rate dips to 6.1 percent, and Dow just topped 17,000 for the first time ever. And that's with a weak, Republican-constricted stimulus. Imagine how good the economy would be if we'd passed a strong one!

President Obama is pushing back on Republicans' threats to sue, and keeping up with executive actions on issues people care about: climate change, immigration, infrastructure. Meanwhile, Rancid Pieface offers no GOP policy alternatives — the best he can do is flail away at Hillary Rodham Clinton. We think that voters would rather hear possible solutions to the country's problems than empty insults.

Big GOP donors are openly pining for their 2012 loser, Willard Mitt Romney, to run again. And if that's not fun enough, every time we check a news site or pick up a paper, we see The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived (If Indeed He Were A Person). What's not to love?

Finally, thanks to Hobby Lobby and their own inaction, the GOP is going to have to run this fall — not to mention in 2016 — on immigration and birth control. We Democrats are looking forward to pounding them over the head — and turning out voters — on both. So we PURR.

Happy Canada Day!

Tim Horton's is celebrating its 50th anniversary this year. As part of the celebration, the doughnut chain has given free coffees to members of the Canadian armed forces who have done their bit — or should we say, their Timbit? We cats PURR.