Suitability

It's the last day of August, so we cats are allowed to devote one more post to sartorial frippery before it's time to get serious again.

Therefore, we take this opportunity to remind the world that a certain object of Republican worship used to wear tan suits. A lot of tan suits.

So... how come tan suits were okay when "St. Ronald" wore them? We cats HISS.

We LIKED The Tan Suit!

Of course, unlike us, the President can change out of his when summer's over. Happy Labor Day, everybody!

Holding His Nose — Holding The Bag?

By Zamboni

Jesse Benton thought that he could resign as Mitch McConnell's campaign manager on the Friday before Labor Day weekend, and that nobody would notice. Wrong! We intrepid cats were on the job so you wouldn't miss this.

We know we've been very focused on Transvaginal Bob McDonnell's corruption trial these last few weeks, but in the true spirit of Bob, this McConnell guy is just as scandalous. It's not cash-clothes-Rolexes-Ferraris for favors, but it's bribery all the same: paying an Iowa state senator to switch his 2012 endorsement from Crazy Lady Michele Bachmann to Ron Paul.

Everyone's focused on this as a McConnell story, and that's not incorrect. Mitch is already having a bad week, what with that Koch audio coming out and all. But Benton is the same guy who was caught a year ago, saying he'd have to "hold his nose" to work to re-elect Mitch. What people tend to forget is that he said he'd do it just because it would help Rand Paul. So this resignation is a Rand Paul story, too.

This lovely Jesse Benton person was Rand's campaign manager in his 2010 race for the Senate, so he was first in line to be Rand's right-hand man for a Presidential run in 2016. And now he's embroiled in bribery.

Now, mind you, Jesse's not been accused of a crime — yet. (He's just quitting.) We suggest that he dial up Transvaginal Bob and Maureen and ask them how they handled it when the FBI came a-knocking on their door. Ol' Jess will probably want to do things differently. We cats PURR.

Stuff Dreams Are Made Of

By Miss Kubelik

Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT) is toddling off to Iowa and a couple of other early-primary states to speak on income inequality. And because it's August and there's nothing else to talk about, everyone is abuzz. Is Bernie running for President?

Now, we cats have already selected our candidate for 2016, and it's not Bernie Sanders. But we have a lovely little Bernie Sanders fantasy — one that will never happen, but which we love thinking about nevertheless.

Our fantasy is that Ralph Nader — who loves to say that Democrats are as terrible as Republicans are — gets so excited about the idea of Independent Bernie Sanders possibly landing in the White House that he offers an endorsement. And Bernie rejects it.

Wouldn't it be great? "I hereby reject Ralph Nader's endorsement because more than anybody else, it's Ralph Nader's fault that America is where it is. Barack Obama has spent the last several years trying to undo the damage that Ralph Nader helped make possible by tossing the 2000 election to George W. Bush and Dick Cheney. If you loved the 2008 financial meltdown, the lies about WMD in Iraq, and the Supreme Court's decisions on Hobby Lobby, the Voting Rights Act and Citizens United, you have Ralph Nader and his ridiculous 2000 ego trip to thank for it. Ralph Nader, take your endorsement and shove it."

Of course, it's a silly daydream. But we'd love it if it somehow came true. We still wouldn't vote for Bernie Sanders for President. But we'd definitely send him a mash note.

Bob Botches The Subjective-Objective Test — And We Object

By Baxter

"Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell said many things on the witness stand today that were like nails on a blackboard. But this might have been the worst:

"Is [Bill] Goodwin a personal friend?" the prosecutor asked, trying to figure out why Bob didn't officially disclose that a Richmond businessman took the McDonnells on a $23,000 vacation. Transvaginal Bob said yes.

"How many children does Mr. Goodwin have?" the prosecutor asked.

"I think he's got three children," Bob said.

"What are their names?"

Transvaginal Bob admitted he didn't know. "I don’t know the family. I knew he and his wife, Alice."

(Emphasis ours. We cats HISS.)

Better Than The Ice Bucket Challenge

By Sniffles

We cats love the way DREAMers are starting to go up to Republican pooh-bahs and asking why they, the Republicans, want to deport them. First it was Steve King (who, ugh, complimented an Arizona State University graduate on her English) — and now, it's Paul Ryan.

Ryan ignored the DREAMers who confronted him at his stupid book signing. But we think this is a really good gig. In fact, we have a few suggestions for how members of groups that Republicans despise could carry it forward:

• African Americans could approach Tom Corbett or Pat McCrory (or any other Republican Governor) and ask, "Why don't you want us to vote?"
• A gay couple could write to RNC Chair Rancid Pieface and say, "Why don't you want us to get married?"
• Black residents of Ferguson, Missouri, could walk up to pro-Darren-Wilson demonstrators and ask, "Why don't you want us to live?"
• And, of course, a woman would go up to Transvaginal Bob McDonnell and ask, "Why did you want to stick me with an ultrasound probe?" 

We cats PURR.

Bob's For Sobs

By Zamboni

The Transvaginal Bob McDonnell corruption trial just keeps getting more and more astonishing. Yesterday, Bob wanted to read aloud for the jury an endless, endless e-mail he wrote to his wife (and which we're sure his attorneys coached him to perform with just the right amount of chin-quivering and voice-quavering). Fortunately for all involved, Judge Spencer stopped him.

Still, it's been entered into the record, in all its seventh-grade glory. Read it only if you're studying to be a psychiatrist or if you just can't get enough of how willing the Transvaginal one is to humiliate himself in order to avoid heading to the hoosegow. (Or if "I want to be in love, not just watch movies about it" is your idea of literature. Sheesh, Bob needed a good editor.)

Much of the media focus has been on Bob's betrayal of Maureen, but why should anyone be surprised? This is a guy who has so little regard for women that he invaded their doctors' offices and butted into their medical decisions. The fact that he's a cad is hardly a shock.

A couple of questions, though, do pop into our minds:

FLOVA was such an abusive boss that a pair of high-priced consultants had to be brought in for months on end, to try to set things to rights. How much did we, the taxpayers of Virginia, pay for their services? And can Bob pay us back?

Bob said he enjoyed driving Jonnie Williams's Ferarri because he was "entitled to be normal." Normal people drive Ferarris?

If Bob and Maureen were so strapped for cash when they were younger, why did they keep having babies? Is that the Republican idea of personal responsibility?

Did Bob agree to the cash and the loans and the $20,000 shopping trip and the Ferrari and the Rolex watch and the cognac and the golf games and all of the rest of it because he was afraid of getting yelled at?

Bob laments in his endless, childish e-mail to Maureen that God "has not yet answered [his] prayers" about their marital woes. Gee, why not?

Well — maybe God is angry about the transvaginal probes. Ever think of that, Bob? We cats PURR.

The Supremes Have Stayed Marriage Equality In Virginia, And It's Okay (For Now)

Just a quickie in case you're wondering: Although the execrable Michele McQuigg was one of the Virginia officials begging not to have to marry gay people to one another, our Democratic Attorney General, Mark Herring, also wanted the Supreme Court to stay the lifting of the Old Dominion's marriage ban (although for entirely different reasons).

Herring wants marriage equality to get to SCOTUS in a fast but orderly fashion. Here's what he said today:

"It is still difficult to expect Virginians to wait to exercise what I believe is a fundamental right, especially when we are so close to our goal... I reluctantly agreed that a stay was warranted in light of the way the Supreme Court handled a nearly identical case in Utah — and because of the potential that an adverse Supreme Court ruling might cause children adopted by a second parent to have that adoption heartbreakingly invalidated, death benefits conferred to grieving spouses taken away, and spousal benefits families thought would pay the bills thrown into limbo.

"Virginia's case is waiting for the Supreme Court's review, as are several others from around the country, and I have petitioned for an extraordinarily speedy review from the Court. Virginia families suffer each day that this decision is delayed."

It Coulda Been A "Game Change"

By Miss Kubelik

We cats had a sudden thought while reading through today's McDonnell trial coverage: What if Willard Mitt Romney had picked Transvaginal Bob? You know, as a running mate?

While we're not sure what ultimately tipped the scales against McDonnell, we can all speculate that the greedy Maureen pitching Ann Romney on Anatabloc at a campaign event in South Carolina couldn't have helped. On the other hand, it may have been more of a case of Willard just liking Mr. Widow's Peak from Wisconsin just a whole bunch better than he liked anybody else.

But it doesn't do any harm to imagine, especially since it's so fun. Because Transvaginal Bob's defense continues to portray Mrs. Transvaginal Bob as Wife From Hell. Today, her image also morphed into Boss From Hell.

In January 2012, the entire Governor's Mansion staff wrote a letter that threatened mass resignation if Maureen didn't stop abusing them in "screaming phone call[s]" and "nasty e-mail[s], during work, in the evenings, on the weekends and on holidays."

But wait, there's more: "We come to work every day wondering what the climate will be," the letter says. "'Who will get it today, and to what degree?'...Every one of us has mentioned the sick feeling we get when we see FLOVA on the caller ID, just wondering what we might have done wrong this time."

Gosh! Who does that remind you of? The greedy cheerleader, thrust into a role she had no preparation for, apparently terrorized people with erratic, unpredictable and childish behavior. And there's even a shopping spree!

No doubt about it: Picking Transvaginal Bob for the ticket would have placed a selfish, abusive, entitled, belittling bully right in the center of Team Romney. But Willard picked somebody else. Maybe the Republicans really did learn something from 2008.

The Photographer Who Took This Picture Has Been Arrested

We cats are outraged. Where would our country be without photojournalists?

Here's where: We would never have seen a soldier dying in the Spanish Civil War, demonstrators hosed by police in Birmingham, Alabama, or sailors kissing nurses in Times Square on V-J Day.

Free Scott Olson, now!

How's It Feel, Bob?

By Baxter

Did you think we cats had forgotten all about "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell and his greedy fat cheerleader wife, just because all this other serious stuff — like Iraq and Ferguson and immigration and Rick Perry's abuse of power — has been going on?

No! In fact, heck no! Transvaginal Bob and the repulsive Maureen's trial on the 14 felony counts that resulted from the government's, um, "probe" into their shady dealings with a vitamin salesman continues to provide welcome and wonderful relief from weightier issues of the day.

Not that we think that the charges are inconsequential — far from it. We just love, love, love the fact that the defense, which kicked off its cat-and-pony show this morning, has had to rely on vague assertions of "Oh, gee, Bob is such an honest and frugal guy," in between cringeworthy trashings of his loving Christian spouse. It got so bad, actually, that Maureen's attorneys asked today that the McDonnells be tried separately. (The no-nonsense Judge Spencer refused the request.)

We're also soaking up the comings and goings of Bob himself, swarmed outside the courthouse by reporters, whose scrum he navigates with non sequiturs and a Xanax-inspired dopey smile. This guy used to be in charge of the entire Commonwealth? Horrors!

We cats richly savor the fact that a man who — with his execrable attorney general — violated the privacy of countless Virginia women and their doctors, is now being assaulted by the media, the prosecutors, his former staff, his family, and, ultimately, us political rubberneckers. Is there someone who more richly deserves this? Well, yes — maybe the Cootch. Still and all, we cats PURR.

P.S. Unlike the McDonnell-adoring Janet Kelly, we cats would never dream of bothering God with the details of a stock purchase. Some people should never be let near the reins of government.

Lest We Furr-get: Back When The GOP Was A Lot More "Grand"

By Sniffles

Let's observe the death of former Senator James Jeffords (I-VT) by remembering that he used to be a Republican. And his kind of Republican doesn't exist any more.

• Jeffords voted against the Reagan tax cuts of 1981.
• He voted against the nomination of Clarence Thomas to the Supreme Court.
• He voted for the Brady Bill.
• He voted for the Family and Medical Leave Act.
• He supported affirmative action, Clinton-era healthcare reform, and ending the ban on gays in the military.
• He opposed that stupid Republican "Flag Desecration Amendment" (which we cats are almost afraid to mention lest somebody take up the cause again).

You will not find a Republican taking any positions like these today. Not one. Yet we cats say, the GOP needs more Senators like Jim Jeffords.

Unfortunately, there don't seem to be any Baby Jims around these days. So we're left with this: Until the Republican Party either destroys itself or manages to somehow pull itself back from Nutcase World, it will continue to suffer. And sadly, so will the rest of us.

Canfield Drive Meets Tiananmen Square

We cats can't imagine feeling so strongly about something that, unarmed, you face down somebody who could kill you in an instant, just to make your point. But these guys both have a lot of guts.

Somehow, The People of Ferguson Look A Lot More Dignified Than We Do When They Do This

By Zamboni

The police in Ferguson, Missouri must be really mad that they've been defanged by Governor Jay Nixon and the Highway Patrol, and are no longer allowed to run around like tough guys in their cool camouflage and helmets and boots, carrying semiautomatic rifles and pointing them at reporters, kids and little old ladies.

Why else would they have trotted out that inarticulate fool they call a police chief to label — and perhaps libel— shooting victim Michael Brown as a crook (and to, yes, finally ID the officer who killed him)?

They even blindsided Ronald Johnson, the new dude in charge. “I would have liked to have been consulted,” Johnson said this morning. Way to go, Ferguson cops: Diss the black guy from Highway Patrol while you're at it. Good move.

So, yes, they're mad. Their vanity is wounded. So they decided to lash out with a disgusting "press packet" that provides Wilson's name, but no details of the shooting, and plenty of documentation about what a horrible person Michael Brown was — just as we're going into the weekend in a town that's this close to boiling over again. Brilliant!

The police say that Brown left a convenience store with items that, unlike Trayvon Martin, he didn't pay for. None of that matters, since the sentence for that crime — if indeed it was committed — is not death.

So we cats HISS, and stand in solidarity with the aggrieved people of Ferguson. Paws up, don't shoot!

Not A Cat Fight: The Clinton Headlines The Media Didn't Write

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have finally read the oh-so-controversial interview that Hillary Rodham Clinton granted The Atlantic and are wondering what all the fuss was about.

Wait, we know — it was about a Pundit World that wants to dumb-down complex and interesting thought and make it a gigantic Clinton-Obama kerfuffle. Well, move along, everybody. Nothing to see here.

Two examples of what we mean:

Yes, Clinton criticizes the US's failure to arm the Syrian rebels. (This should be no surprise, since she takes the same position in her book.) Then, after she's famously asked about the Obama "Don't do stupid [stuff]" mantra, she says this:

"I think [President Obama] was trying to communicate to the American people that he's not going to do something crazy. I've sat in too many rooms with the President. He's thoughtful, he's incredibly smart, and able to analyze a lot of different factors that are all moving at the same time. I think he is cautious because he knows what he inherited, both the two wars and the economic front, and he has expended a lot of capital and energy trying to pull us out of the hole we're in."

Second example: Clinton says, "When you are hunkering down and pulling back, you’re not going to make any better decisions than when you were aggressively, belligerently putting yourself forward." Everyone has taken this comment on American retrenchment as a slam against the current occupant of the White House. Wrong.

Like Clinton's strong endorsement of Israel, this remark is aimed at Rand Paul, who is clearly (and clumsily) running for President. And Clinton knows there's a big split in the Republican Party between interventionism and retreat — among other things.

We cats could go on, but we don't want to lecture. Our advice boils down to this: Don't let the pundits tell you what you're supposed to think about this interview. Read it yourself. Don't just read about it.

"Pray For Them So They Will Learn We Do Not Hate Them"

By Baxter

Today we cats received an endless and convoluted email from Michele McQuigg, Clerk of the Circuit Court in Prince William County, responding to a message we sent her the other day. It wasn't until we finally got to the end of the 15 (15!) paragraphs that we realized she was trying to explain that, contrary to our request, she wasn't going to fire Muslim-hater Bob FitzSimmonds, her deputy.

Whew, when you have to explain that hard, you know you're wrong.

We could have written the hapless McQuigg back and asked her about the recent vandalism at the Manassas Mosque. We wonder: When a prominent county official posts an anti-Muslim rant on his Facebook page, is it sheer coincidence that this mosque gets obscenities scribbled on it and its glass door smashed?

Sounds like a hate crime inspired by you-know-who. Meanwhile, the mosque's imam responded by turning his other cheek. Who's the role model here?

We cats call upon McQuigg once again to fire that jackass — and until she does, we HISS.

Bogie Must Have Whistled For Her

We cats are sorry to report that a loyal Democrat has left us tonight. But in a spirit that we hope she would have appreciated, we have to say this: Lauren Bacall — whom we encountered at the 1977 Inaugural Gala — was one of the rudest celebrities we've ever met.

Oh, well, no matter. We'll remember her this way instead. So long, Betty. We cats salute you, and PURR.

We Still Believe In A Place Called Hope

By Sniffles

Okay, let's talk about the US Senate.

Recent events have made the situation more dire for Democrats (although the latest prognostication comes from the Post's young Cillizza lad, who as we know, dutifully scribbles the talking points that his Beltway Republican sources give him). Still, we cats may be in the process of re-evaluating our tried-and-true measuring stick: Would We Rather Be Us Than Them?

We're about 50-50 on that right now. Not ready to give up yet, but recognizing the increasing dangers. And yes, it's shocking to think who would be in charge of what Senate committee should the GOP take control.

Also, Team Obama might also want to brace themselves for a certain impeachment, over whatever. This would be orgasmic for the Republican Party's nutcase base, but would be terrible for the country (but of course that's never stopped the GOP before). And you heard it here first: It would destroy the GOP forever.

But never fear: 2016 is right around the corner, which means that any Republican-controlled Senate elected in 2014 would flip right back again. That's because next cycle will be more of a disaster for the GOP than this year is for us. Check out some of the 23 Republican seats they'll have to defend next time around:

• Pat Toomey's in Pennsylvania
• Rob Portman's in Ohio
• Ron Johnson's in Wisconsin
• Richard Burr's in North Carolina
• Mark Kirk's in Illinois
• Possible open seat in Arizona (since McCain will be 100 by then)
• Possible open seat in Iowa (Charles Grassley, ditto)
• Possible open seat in Florida (as Baby Marco runs for President)

Tempted to say, "So what?" Consider this: How will the Republican Party fare nationally less than two years after they impeach America's first black President? And how will the name "Hillary Rodham Clinton" at the top of the Democratic ticket affect races down the ballot?

Will Democrats be able to take back Blanche Lincoln's seat in Arkansas? Will Kelly Ayotte get swamped in New Hampshire? Will the Democratic candidate get a leg up in the race for David Vitter's seat in Louisiana? And overall, where will the GOP play offense in a clock-cleaning Presidential year? Nevada? California? Washington? Illinois? Our answers are no, no, no and no.

So hang on, everybody. The next two years are not going to be pretty either way. But we agree with a guy named Barack Hussein Obama: Don't rely on history that's written in 10-minute intervals. Go the distance. Take the long view. We cats PURR.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: Nixon Anniversary Edition

By Zamboni

We cats have nine lives — so we well remember how we felt 40 years ago today when we saw Richard Nixon give that really weird speech in the East Room and then lift off from the South Lawn and out of Washington forever. One word says it: Yippppeeee!

So we're in a pretty good mood today, even though some of the latest headlines aren't so hot. Here's a quick round-up of our thoughts before our next nap.

We cats refuse to have kittens over what the US is doing in Iraq. To quote one of our faithful readers, we're delivering some humanitarian aid with a few bombs on the side. Read all about it here, before our brief attention spans get captivated by the next big thing. Sheesh.

If the repulsive and whiny Bob FitzSimmonds — who recently resigned his post with the Virginia Republican Party — called a GOP Congressional candidate a "twat," what does he call his boss at the circuit court, Michele McQuigg, behind her back?

We don't understand why Rand Paul gets to plagiarize but John Walsh doesn't.

Finally, although Richard Nixon left the White House four decades ago today, sadly, the politics he ushered in on the Republican side are still with us. Nixon's "Southern strategy" and Agnew's "effete corps of impudent snobs" have morphed into the aggrieved bleatings of the teabaggers and racists of today. We cats hope to have 10 or 11 or even 12 lives, so we see demographics change to the point where Nixon descendants and all-around jackasses like Rick Santorum, Ted Cruz and Mo Brooks are gone forever. That would make us PURR.

Train Wrecks (Or, "What About Bob?")

By Miss Kubelik

We cats get very impatient with the young Cillizza lad over at The Washington Post. When he's not transcribing what his Republican sources tell him word-for-word — without any insight or analysis — he appears to dash off careless columns in five minutes or less, because he has to.

A perfect example is tonight's "Worst Week in Washington," which he awards to Maureen McDonnell.

Not to "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell. Not to Bob and Maureen together. But to Maureen McDonnell alone. We cats call know-you-what on that.

Chris Cillizza, for buying the silly McDonnell defense lock, stock and barrel — and for adding nothing new or thoughtful to the story — you get the Worst Journalist in Washington Award. "Congrats, or something." We cats HISS.

(PHOTO: Mark Wilson/Getty Images. This ran with tonight's Cillizza post. Note how awful Maureen looks. Note that Transvaginal Bob is smiling. We cats think this says it all.)

Let's Have A War On Whiners

By Baxter

Yes, we know. We cats have been salivating so much over that scrumptious McDonnell drama taking place down in Richmond that we've ignored the Republicans' other Virginia kerfuffle. Well, no longer.

And yep, it's about Republicans hating on people who don't look like them. The same week that the GOP is withering under the weight of Mo Brooks and his inane "war on whites," State Party Treasurer and Muslim-maligner Bob FitzSimmonds has finally resigned his position — with much grousing, of course.

"I will either need to stop posting on social media or step down from my party office," FitzSimmonds whined, after his Facebook rant (above) caused an uproar.

And wouldn't you know it, this jackass is from our very own Prince William County. (Which means his blood must boil every time he drives around, because PWC is a total melting pot of minorities. There's even an Islamic center down the road a piece.) If we could figure out where FitzSimmonds lives, we'd knock on his door and present him with a copy of all the nice things George W. Bush said about Muslim contributions to American society a few years back.

No doubt about it: Between the money-grubbing, Rolex-cadging and designer-clothes-begging that the McDonnell trial has revealed — Brooks's mewling about put-upon white people — and FitzSimmonds's stunned response to the sensible rejection of his racism — the party against entitlements is feeling mighty entitled. And boy, do they get mad when they're called out! We cats PURR.

(UPDATE: Incredibly, in real life FitzSimmonds is deputy clerk of the Prince William County circuit court. The pressure is starting to build on Court Clerk Michele McQuigg to fire him. If you agree, send her an email here.)

Fashion Don't: Rand Doesn't Know The Territory

 

Everybody's talking about Rand Paul's quick exit from the encounter that Iowa Republican and all-around racist Steve King had with the two DREAMers who (good for them!) confronted him.

But we cats were almost more appalled at this shirt. Rand looks like a line dancer from "Shipoopi"! Straw boater, anyone?

102 = 47

By Sniffles

So much good gossip about Transvaginal Bob McDonnell and his greedy cheerleader wife has come out at their federal corruption trial. It's wonderful enough to have Bo and Mo looking at a possible 20 years in the hoosegow — but add on all these juicy details, and we are in kitty heaven! Let's savor a few:

Maureen was so furious that "Jonnie" Williams couldn't buy her an Oscar de la Renta dress for the 2010 inaugural that she wrote a scathing email to the campaign adviser who nixed it — on Christmas Eve. "It had no basis in reality," said Phil Cox, now the executive director of the Republican Governors Association. "It was sort of an insane rant." 

Or take this exchange between Transvaginal Bob's staffers in early 2011: "102 loves Jonnie." ("102" was the Capitol Police's code name for Maureen.) "Why does she like him? Because he's loaded?" "Yep."

McDonnell staffers were also vexed that they were expected to beg favors for daughter Cailin McDonnell's wedding. "I knew this would happen," one crabby email said. "I quit." (The staffer didn't.)

But here's the best part: The trial has deliciously dragged in the name of Willard Mitt Romney — which you just gotta love. Turns out that back in 2012, Maureen tried to pitch Willard on Jonnie's unproven nutritional supplement during a campaign event in South Carolina.

Why? Because Jonnie was giving her and Transvaginal Bob thousands of dollars in loans, gifts, luxury vacations, gifts, designer dresses, gifts, rare cognac, gifts and Rolex watches to do so.

You know make that makes Maureen? The real 47 percent — entitled, aggrieved, a taker. We cats PURR.

Rather Silly

By Zamboni

James Brady is dead again. We cats say "again" not because the Jodie-Foster-fancier, John Hinckley, managed to do him in back in 1981, but because Dan Rather memorably killed him off on national TV not long afterward.

It was just another reminder for us cats: We are not fans of Dan. When he wasn't using stupid, illogical expressions ("This election is as tight as a tick"), or ending his newscasts with cringe-inducing, hairball-hacking sign-offs ("Courage"), it seemed like he was always giving members of the Bush clan undeserved opportunities to resurrect or redeem themselves.

Remember "How would you like it if I judged your career by those seven minutes when you walked off that set in New York?" Remember the way the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived got off scot-free forever thanks to Dan's screwed-up National Guard story? We cats do, and not fondly.

But in retrospect, we should have known this kind of stuff was coming. Case in point: With the 40th anniversary of the Nixon resignation right around the bend, we're seeing replays of this famous exchange between "Dick and Dan" that, frankly, we never thought was much of a take-down by either man. Sure, Rather got applause when he stood up to ask a question — awkward! But why engage with the ever-petulant Nixon, who needed no help looking more put-upon and victimized? And "No, Mr. President, are you?" makes no sense. Nixon had been re-elected in 1972 and wasn't running for anything ever again.

Watch and decide for yourself, but as far as we cats are concerned — and goodness knows we loathe Richard Nixon — this was not a great encounter. In fact, it gives us the cheaps, and we HISS.

Happy Birthday, Mr. President

 Today is Barack Obama's 53rd birthday, and we cats would like to send him our best — whoops, wait a minute! What's the legendary Marilyn Monroe doing with a fifth-rate vaudevillian like this?

Freepers: An Obvious Plot To Destroy America (That Franklin Graham Is In On)

By Miss Kubelik

No one should be surprised that the right-wing nutcases who deny science are freaked out about ebola.

Well, let us cats clarify that: They are not freaked out about ebola. Ebola that stays in Africa and kills black people is just fine. What they're freaked out about is two Americans infected with the virus coming home for treatment. Never mind that they'll be in total medical isolation and the risk to the general public is nil.

But we were still amazed when we got whiff of teabag types hating on two of their fellow citizens who, unlike them, have gotten off their duffs, gone to a tough part of the world to help others and gotten a bad disease in the process. Because get this: The doctor and the aid worker were volunteers with Samaritan's Purse, a Christian organization headed by — hang onto your hats — Franklin Graham! In fact, if you visit the group's website ("Helping in Jesus's name"), you'll see huge stories on the home page about these two selfless people who have put themselves at risk for their fellow human beings.

Under those circumstances, we thought we'd visit the goofballs over at Free Republic to see how they were reacting. Summary: In a decidedly un-Christian fashion. Here's a sampling.

"Keep them OUT of the country."

"I feel a whole lot better about myself for wanting to keep it over there."

"Americans are living in fear of ebola because we know all too well what will happen once it starts spreading."

"Glad I don’t live near Atlanta."

"Nobama just invited 10 heads of state from Africa into the US for a conference. Any one of those diplomats could be a walking petri dish."

"Just another way in which the Hero of Benghazi is protecting the country."

"If Obama can use ebola (in any way, real or by threat) to try to affect the mid-terms, he’ll do it."

"Even if there is no leak of infection, or outbreak, all one of Obama’s lackeys has to do is ‘imply’ that the ebola virus is spreading in the US, and the propaganda media will eat it up, even if NOT true and we will never know the truth."

And here's our favorite, paws down — because of course everything is a conspiracy:

"Wow! If ever there was the opportunity for a truly evil regime to remove ‘undesirables’ from the populace, this would be the perfect means to go about it!"

(PHOTO: Dr. Kent Brantly, the Samaritan's Purse physician the teabaggers hate. Maybe he's gay and has AIDS, too!)

More Wisdom From The Bible (King Bob Version)

"Those who want to get rich fall into borrowed Ferraris and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction."

Wisdom From The Bible (King Bob Version)

"For the love of Rolex watches is the root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for them have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs."

For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs. - See more at: http://bible.knowing-jesus.com/topics/Riches,-Dangers-Of#sthash.owtmPp4F.dpuf