Count On It.

By Miss Kubelik

What is it with conservatives and the census? Do they just not want to count folks who don't look like them? Are they afraid "their money" is going to support "those people" if the government officially knows "those people" exist?

We cats are sadly asking ourselves these questions because the Trumpsters are taking a page from former Tory Prime Minister Stephen Harper of Canada, and are messing with the US census. Their ploy: trying to add a citizenship question. This, of course, will lead to undercounts and severely compromise the quality of the data.

They're cloaking the move in the robes of the Voting Rights Act — allegedly so they can better enforce it, they say — but we know that the Republicans have no interest whatsoever in that act or in applying it anywhere, so as the Parkland kids would say, we call BS on that.

In Canada, Harper canceled the mandatory long-form census and tried replacing it with a voluntary "National Household Survey," and echoes of the harm they did still reverberate across the country. Census data provide the foundation for a passel of public and private policies: health, infrastructure, economic development, education, you name it.

And we don't understand why the Republicans, who are the Tories' US compatriots in everything but name, would want to compromise data that businesses rely on to make decisions on investment, strategic planning and other important decisions.

So we keep coming back to "those people." But maybe it's not just about safety-net programs the right wingers don't want to pay for. Could it possibly be because, despite what they say, they don't want "those people" to vote? Hm! Why would that be? We cats HISS.

What Will Laura Ingraham Do When She Loses All Her Sponsors?

By Zamboni

We cats wondered if any other Laura Ingraham advertisers would drop her show after her lame "Holy Week" apology to Parkland shooting survivor David Hogg.

Well, holy moley — Nestlé just did. So that makes four out of 12. (Of course, we don't know why anyone would sponsor an unhinged racist hater like Ingraham in the first place, but we'll take it.)

Meanwhile, Republicans like Nicolle Wallace, Steve Schmidt and Ana Navarro have gone after Ingraham with a vengeance. Navarro even took a shot at Melania: "It's unjustifiable that she's been silent re vicious lies and attacks, particularly by Trump supporters, against Parkland students," she tweeted. "Girl, schtick's getting a little old."

Wow. We Democrats don't have to say anything, do we? Just step back and enjoy the show.

Seriously, though: We sincerely hope that when this hideous era is over, when America recovers from its trashing by Trump and we can all breathe freely again, that ridiculing, despising and threatening others will fall out of vogue forever — and that the anti-Semites, misogynists, racists and homophobes will go back in their rat holes, never to be heard from again.

It's probably not going to happen — but maybe it will, just a little bit. It sure would make us cats PURR.

(IMAGE: This is actually a sculpture from a really neat new exhibit at the Met. Check it out!)

Democrats At The Door

via GIPHY

By Baxter

We cats have lived in Upstate New York for less than a year, but we've already been canvassed for the 2018 Congressional midterms four times. And the Democratic primary isn't until late June!

We've been door-knocked by a candidate himself — a Bernie Bro (probably not our first choice, but obviously we'll vote for him if he gets the Democratic nomination). The others were volunteers, canvassing for other candidates in the race. One was in his nineties. The other was 16.

All of them were motivated by something we hold dear to our little feline hearts: getting our Republican Congresswoman — who votes with Trump and Ryan practically down the line but who tries to skate by as a so-called "moderate" — the hell out of office.

Of course, it's easier to reach voters when they register by party. But based on all the activity we've seen so far, it seems a sure-fire thing: Democrats are organizing, and we're seeing the azure-tinged tip of the coming wave. That makes us PURR.

Some More Great Signs From The March For Our Lives

Ostriching

By Sniffles

We cats heard rumors that FOX "News" didn't much cover the March for Our Lives on Saturday — and that if they did, they cast it as a look-at-those-Commies-who-hate-the-Second-Amendment rally. At the same time the right wing is going after the Parkland students with a vengeance. (Please, let's hope that Emma Gonzalez and David Hogg have bodyguards.)

You know what? If FOX and the Republican Congress and all those other lamebrains who are in the pocket of Trump and the NRA want to bury their heads in the sand, we say, let them.

If they wrapped themselves in a little cocoon of contentment this weekend, deriding the march, making fun of grieving teenagers, and sitting on their fat butts instead of getting out to register voters and organize — GREAT.

It was our side that was at every rally across the country this Saturday, signing people up for the midterms and collecting "commit to vote" cards. We cats love that, and we PURR.

One Of Our Favorite Signs Of The Day

Maybe you gotta be from Northern Virginia to get this. Or maybe you just have to be sick of Republican House members skating by as so-called "moderates" while they vote extreme right-wing down the line. We cats used to be from Northern Virginia, and we definitely are sick of GOP imposters. Which means we PURR.

Going To The March In DC Today?

GOP Patriotism? We Call BS.

By Miss Kubelik

When Republicans tell you they love America and defend the Constitution, don't believe them. From the headlines we've seen lately, they have a complete and total disregard for democracy.

Cross-eyed Governor Scott Walker in Wisconsin is refusing to hold two special elections, one for a state senate seat and the other for the state house, because he's afraid the GOP will lose them. (Sorry, Scott, but you've been ordered to do it anyway.)

Republicans in Pennsylvania are trying to impeach the state supreme court justices who ruled against them on their transparently hideously gerrymandered Congressional map.

Now, Roy Moore supporters (pedophile sympathizers?) have been caught wandering-red-handed, trying to get the attorney of one of Moore's accusers to drop her case and deride her in the media. Of course, Breitbart was involved.

So Republicans believe in democracy? Please. The next time they try to beat their chests as super-patriots, ignore them. Because their dedication to self-governance is about as genuine as a tweet in which Donald Trump uses the word "excoriate." We cats HISS.

John Bolton Is Going To Be The New National Security Adviser

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The 11th Commandment (Nice While It Lasted)

By Zamboni

In defending his call to Vladimir Putin, Donald Drumpf, in his usual unhinged and heedless fashion, attacked both President Obama and George W. Bush. No surprise re Obama, but we cats got thinking about his going after Bush. It's not the first time. We wonder: When have Republican incumbents ever attacked their Republican predecessors?

Did George W. ever go after George H.W., even on Iraq? Was George H.W. ever critical of Ronald Reagan? And did Reagan ever attack Gerald Ford, even during the 1976 primary fight? Things got pretty heated at their convention that year, but Nancyman got his speech after Ford locked up his delegates, and everything was sunshine and roses.

And not only did Ford not attack Richard Nixon — he pardoned him.

So the question remains: Why do today's Republicans stand by and watch Drumpf tear their party to shreds, trash other Republicans and destroy all the norms of acceptable Presidential behavior?

Does Putin have naughty videotapes of all of them? Nah — they're probably in thrall for money, not sex. We cats HISS.

Misspellings? Typos? They Give Us No Peach.

By Baxter

Finally, a flagship of traditional media has not only noticed that Donald Trump can't spell but has posted an entire article about it. Which is a good thing, especially for those of us who patrol parts of the Interwebs, making gentle grammatical corrections. Trump's tweets are particular offenders. They've irritated us for many reasons, one of which is his — and his White House's — lack of respect for the majesty and grandeur of the English language (hat tip: Alan Jay Lerner).

The Trumpsters' inattention to the written word also implies something alarming: a similar inattention to the important issues they're writing about. This does not help us sleep at night. If there's one thing that the Trump crowd has shown in 14 months, it's that when they're not committing treason or dismantling the government, they're skittering from one thing to another, out of control and clueless. As we know, that all starts at the top. Scary.

The word we're looking for is carelessness. To paraphrase a writer we admire: "They were careless people, the Trumps — they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made."

Yep, that's one hell of a mess we Democrats are going to have to clean up after November. But we're looking forward to it — if we can all survive that long. In the meantime, we cats HISS.

The Abbey's A Full House

By Sniffles

We cats think it's neat that Stephen Hawking's ashes are going to be interred in Westminster Abbey — just a stone's throw away from Charles Darwin, Ernest Rutherford and Professor Hawking's erstwhile poker buddy, Isaac Newton.

It's also swell that this is how the Very Reverend Dr. John Hall, the Dean of Westminster, explained the decision: "Other famous scientists are buried or memorialized nearby... We believe it to be vital that science and religion work together to seek to answer the great questions of the mystery of life and of the universe." We cats PURR.

Face Grift.

By Miss Kubelik

While we readily admit that we're active on Twitter and realize that that social media platform could also be doing dastardly things, we cats just can't refrain today from saying Thank God we're not on Facebook.

Our primary motivation not to join up was one of privacy — as in, we didn't want to be found by anybody we haven't already kept in touch with. We had no desire for reunions with "old pals" from the animal shelter, the PetSmart "Adopt a Cat" display, or the Miami neighborhood we used to roam and kill rats in. They call it "the past" for a reason, you know?

And then the more we learned about Mark Zuckerberg, the less we wanted him to have our data. It was feline intuition. To us, Zuckerberg was the Ted Cruz of social media — we just didn't like the guy.

We made the right call. Not being on the Face Thing means that Cambridge Analytica didn't scoop up our information with 50 million other Americans'. (As we said, who knows about Twitter, or for that matter, Blogger by Google. But as far as Facebook goes, we're safe.)

It's just another of a gazillion reasons to vote in November and take Congress back. While it looks like Cambridge Analytica's reckoning may have arrived, the Democrats need to get back in charge of Capitol HIll and drag Zuckerberg's skinny ass in front of a committee or two, under oath. Seeing him squirm would give us the most pleasure since Pharma Bro was hauled off to the hoosegow. (That is, if Zuckerberg isn't indicted first.) We cats PURR.

The Anti-Trump Odd Couple

By Zamboni

Did Andrew McCabe ever dream that he'd be in the same headline as Stormy Daniels? Why are we cats suddenly anticipating a rush of porno movies with big-breasted blondes seducing buttoned-up G-men? Not that we watch any films like that, of course. (Of course.)

Meanwhile, we're impressed with Stormy's attorney, Michael Avenatti. First, because he's kinda scary — we wouldn't want him to catch us clawing up the bottom of his favorite upholstered chair. Second, we love a man who answers a question with a single syllable. "Was your client threatened?" "Yes." "Was she physically threatened?" "Yes."

But even more impressively, Avenatti cuts to the heart of the nonsense that the execrable Trump-fixer Michael Cohen has tried to throw in his and Stormy's way. "How," asked Avenatti in a devastating tweet, "can President Donald Trump seek $20 million in damages against my client based on an agreement that he and Mr. Cohen claim Mr. Trump never was a party to and knew nothing about?" Perfect.

Strange that so many Americans are pinning their hopes on the legal fortunes of an adult film star, but we can't blame them. After the McCabe firing and the Dowd comments and Trump's furious tweetstorms, we were relieved just to wake up this morning to find our government still in quasi-working order. And with James Comey firing back at Trump on Twitter and coming out with a book soon, we find ourselves in the odd position of rooting for the guy who helped tank Hillary's Presidency. It's all too hideous, and we cats HISS.

Can We Stop?

By Baxter

We cats admit it: We have never been charmed by bathroom humor. It's not only icky, it's lazy and obvious. Witty people never rely upon it.

So we find it interesting that White House Chief of Staff John Kelly has decided to try to buttress the Trumpsters' false timeline on the Rex Tillerson firing via toilet jokes. Kelly has claimed that he gave Tillerson a head's up on his sacking by telling the Secretary of State — fourth in line to the Presidency, we might add —  while he was, um, traveling back from Africa and on the throne.

Ugh, ugh, ugh! Can we please go back to the days when grownups ran the government? We don't have to travel too far... just any time prior to January 20, 2017 will do. (And yes, we know all about Lyndon Johnson screaming at aides from the john. We don't approve of that, either — or the fact that every movie about LBJ these days can't resist depicting that particular scene. Enough, already.)

We're not prudes. We'd just like to insist on a certain amount of decorum when it comes to the Executive Branch. To those who would accuse Bill Clinton of debasing the office of the Presidency, we would simply assert that back then, at least we never had to entertain anybody's bowel movements, only blue-dress semen stains — one of the more preferable bodily emissions, in our view.

When Barack Obama was briefed on the more salacious parts of the Steele Dossier, he apparently asked his national security adviser, Susan Rice, "Why am I hearing this?" We couldn't agree with President Obama more. Can we please return to something more genteel, or is that absolutely not possible? We cats HISS.

If I Catch This Snowflake, Maybe It'll Turn Out To Be Leslie Gibson

By Sniffles

Well, this just makes our weekend. Not only did Maine's newly famous Republican hater Leslie Gibson get a Democratic opponent for the state house this week — he's quit the race.

Perhaps Gibson's lack of a Democratic competitor was what emboldened him to vilely tweet about Parkland shooting survivor Emma Gonzalez. "There is nothing about that skinhead lesbian that impresses me and there is nothing that she has to say unless you're a frothing at the mouth moonbat," he said. He later tried to apologize and deleted his Twitter account, but the cat, as they say, was already out of the bag.

Then yesterday, Democrat Eryn Gilchrist filed to run against him. Sore loser Leslie — who, we must point out, hasn't even lost anything yet — folded his tent today.

We're actually sorry to see him go. We would have loved watching him for the next eight months, stumbling all over himself in contrition — because of course the Parkland kids, and everyone else on social media, were never going to let him off the hook.

On the other hand, there's another Republican candidate contesting the seat, so who knows what would have happened to ol' Les? Let's just say that we're damn glad we have a candidate in that race. State houses matter. Go, Eryn! We cats PURR.

Eryn Of The Greene (Maine, That Is)

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are loyal to our political party, but we're perfectly willing to call it out when it does something stupid. Such as allowing a race for any political office to go uncontested.

We believe in the 50-State Strategy and Run Everywhere. Why let any Republican sashay into office without having to work for it? Give the voters a choice, for God's sake. We don't care how red the state or the district is.

But another reason to contest every race is that you never know when lightning is going to strike — especially now. The GOP is so off-the-charts awful these days that bolts seem to be raining from the skies — with Republican Congressmen quitting, or just not running again, because they've sexually harassed their office workers, asked staffers to carry their babies, or told a mistress to get an abortion.

The latest such OMG-don't-let-this-jackass-go-unopposed situation was up in Maine, where Leslie Gibson, a Republican state house candidate, recently made the news for calling Emma Gonzalez, a Parkland, Florida, school shooting survivor, "a skinhead lesbian." AND, guess what: Gibson had no Democratic opponent in his race — and today was the deadline to file!

Rest easy, everyone. Democrat and Greene resident Eryn Gilchrist filed her paperwork to run against Gibson this afternoon. "After reading Mr. Gibson’s comments, I thought that the people of Greene and Sabattus deserved a representative who will respect people and try to work through their differences to make our lives better," she said.

We're going to send our newest Democratic candidate a few bucks so she can teach this bigoted, NRA-loving Republican moron a thing or two. (You can, too — just click here.)

Whew! Good for you, Eryn — and a happy St. Patrick's Day to you! We cats PURR.

Thoughts And Prayers

By Zamboni

Sorry, American-flag-wearing, Bible-banging female Trumpster in Pennsylvania's 18th Congressional District: All your beseeching of the Almighty couldn't drag your porn-stache candidate, Rick Saccone, over the finish line last night.

But maybe God wasn't even listening to her. Maybe he was too busy talking to Stephen Hawking about the laws of science — which, if you think the deity is responsible for everything, God must have created. Right? Oooh, never mind — now we've got her head spinning.

In the meantime, we're excited about Conor Lamb winning this Pennsylvania squeaker. Although we were a little annoyed that it wasn't by six points like Monmouth University said it would be. So we're left with trying to decide if it was better to have Saccone wiped out immediately — or tantalized with the prospect of winning, only to be crushed in the end. Guess we'll have to go with the latter.

Meanwhile, the ever-loathsome Paul Ryan decided to point out the obvious and call PA-18 a "wake-up call" for Republicans in Congress. But if it's a "wake-up call," what will woke Republicans do? Investigate Trump-Russia? Really fix Obamacare instead of trying to destroy it? Give up trying to control every uterus in America? Quit suppressing the vote? Call out Trump when he acts like a boor? Do anything to protect our sacred democratic institutions instead of helping to tear them down?

Sadly, we fear the answer to these questions are no. The Republicans may get their "wake-up call," but they will continue to do nothing — except maybe double down on selling their ridiculous tax bill, killing Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, handing out mulligans to hypocrites and traitors, and toadying to the NRA. We cats HISS.

(PHOTO: Jeff Swensen, Getty Images)

"A New Age Of Ignorance"

By Baxter

Trumpy behavior appears to be everywhere. We cats are sad to report that it's even popped up in our favorite city, Montreal.

By Trumpy behavior, we mean people behaving rudely and boorishly, and when they're called on it, they double down. Along the way, they indulge in ugly stereotyping and hate. Have we missed anything?

Here's the story: In the Montreal neighborhood of Outremont, which has a large community of Hasidic Jews, a group of non-Jewish residents was annoyed with having to stop behind the Hasids' school buses so often. To protest the inconvenience, they showed up at a borough council meeting wearing... um, rectangular yellow patches on their lapels.

Well, at least they weren't Stars of David!

You'd kind of hope that once this egregious error was pointed out, the bus protesters would have taken off the patches and apologized profusely. If we cats had done it, we'd be so embarrassed we'd have to slink away for weeks. But not these folks.

"(The Jews) always bring up their painful past," was the protesters' spokesperson's retort. "They do it to muzzle us. We’re wearing the yellow square because the school buses are yellow. We are living an injustice. We are being persecuted by them."

See what we mean? Trumpy. Never admit a mistake, and for God's sake, never apologize. That's for losers. We cats HISS.

Rick Saccone Could Be Dumber Than Betsy DeVos

By Sniffles

Okay, Pennsylvania's Libre Law was named for a dog. We admit it. But it's a good law.

Libre was rescued as a puppy after being severely abused on a farm in Lancaster County. His story has a happy ending — not just because he's been nursed back to health, but also because his ordeal resulted in greater protections for pups and stricter penalties for animal abuse. Here he is, looking on as Democratic Governor Tom Wolf signs the bill. (We hear he put his paw print next to the Governor's signature.)

So, of the two Congressional candidates in tomorrow's special election in PA-18, which one do you think opposed Libre's Law?

Yep, you got it — Republican Rick Saccone. He was one of only 20 state reps to vote against the bill. A hundred and sixty-seven others thought it was a swell idea, and so do we.

You know what else would be swell? If Democrat Conor Lamb beats Saccone's butt tomorrow. The latest Monmouth poll says he just might. In the meantime, we have to wonder — how could two guys named Lamb and Wolf not be in favor of animal rights? We cats PURR.

UPDATE, March 13: Anything can happen in PA-18 today, but it sounds like Rick Saccone has seen some bad-for-him internal polling. He bleated last night that Conor Lamb and his supporters "have a hatred for our country... a hatred for God." The words of a loser-to-be, we think. Our paws are crossed, and we PURR.

When It Comes To Guns, We Want The Moon AND The Stars

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By Miss Kubelik

"What would happen," Marjory Stoneman Douglas student David Hogg wondered in a tweet, "if we treated every school shooting like an airplane crash with huge investigations and changes made to prevent others from dying?"

What, indeed? We cats think that's a great idea. In fact, we'd like to propose that until our nation can somehow wriggle out of the pernicious grasp of the NRA, it should create an NTSB for mass shootings.

Yep, just for mass shootings. It would take some of the pressure off the violent crime guys over at the FBI — something we're sure the Trumpsters would support since they're so worried about gangs like MS-13. And it would be great. Our proposed National Gun Safety Board (NGSB) would swoop in immediately to collect evidence, interview survivors and, later, testify to Congress about how banning the weapons involved would have saved X number of lives. We like it.

Seriously, though: In the wake of the Parkland shooting, can we as a society finally make guns as socially unacceptable as we've made cigarettes and drunk driving?

Can we put warning labels on them? Add anti-gun materials to health class curricula in public schools? Run commercials about how having a gun in the house increases your risk of violent death? And — big question here — can Hollywood stop glamorizing the gun the same way it's (pretty much) stopped glamorizing smoking?

Lots of ideas to consider. Maybe we can act on them after the Democrats take Congress back. In the meantime, we can ask the Parkland kids what they think, since that tends to drive Republicans right up the wall. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Thank God We Made It To Friday Edition

By Zamboni

Wow, it's Friday night. America has survived another week — just by the skin of its teeth, however. We cats are wondering how the Trumpsters are going to pull off this North Korea meeting when they don't have anybody in the key Asian diplomatic positions, and they don't know WTF they're doing. (Also, never mind that Trump just elevated Kim Jung-Un to the level of the American Presidency by agreeing to the confab — which is exactly what the little criminal from Pyongyang wanted. Stay tuned.)

In the meantime, these stories have captured our attention.

Can we pencil in a "0" after Martin Shkreli's seven-year sentence? And will he be raped in prison, or will his fellow inmates just not be that desperate? (We're rooting for the former.)

Where's Melania? And in the midst of the Stormy Daniels saga, where is the press? We seem to remember that after a week or so of the Monica Lewinsky tumult, Hillary Clinton was forced to don a pink jacket and sit down for a formal interview about it all. Why is Melania Trump not subject to the same rules? This infuriates us.

On the other hand, we think it's delicious that Stormy Daniels has better lawyers than Trump does and may very well force Trump to be deposed. Oh, what Paula-Jonesy karma! All that Clinton hate that the GOP ran rampant with could be coming back to roost.

Still and all, the latest abuse that the Parkland kids are taking on social media make us hack up a hairball. We're sick of mean, hateful, immature "bros," whichever side of the aisle they lurk on. We don't care if they're MAGA idiots or Bernie adorers — we hate them all. But if there's one idea that we find comforting, it's that women will help right the nation's course and set our path out of this long national nightmare. We hope that includes some civility on the Twit thing (and elsewhere). We cats love the Interwebs — but we still HISS.

On International Women's Day, Here's Someone Who Inspires Us

By Baxter

Once when we were kittens, we cats were thrilled to have the privilege of meeting Sarah Weddington. It was during the Carter Administration, and at one point she wanted to borrow a typewriter to capture some meeting notes. (Those were the days before computers, smartphones and tablets, friends. We said we were kittens.) And good golly, Sarah Weddington was the fastest typist we ever heard.

But we admire Sarah Weddington for talents that took her far beyond any IBM Selectric. In 1971-72, at the age of 27, she successfully argued Roe v. Wade before the Supreme Court — thus helping to guarantee millions of American women their reproductive freedom.

And yes, to steal Jimmy Kimmel's Oscar joke, we also picked Sarah Weddington today to annoy Mike Pence. We cats PURR.

Meanwhile, Right Wingers Admit That Barack Obama IS A Good Guy

"I was critical of President Obama. I was a lifelong Republican, I was critical of the Obama presidency. Everybody has to admit that Barack Obama is a class act. He was not an unethical president. He was a great father, husband, leader for our country. A man of — is there anybody in America who can possibly say that Donald Trump makes you proud? He makes me embarrassed. He makes me cringe. I can’t imagine there is anybody in the country who is proud to have somebody behaving this way in the White House."

—Max Boot, conservative, on CNN

Lest We Furr-get: Gary Cohn Is Not A Good Guy, Either

By Sniffles

The exodus from the White House continues, as another Trumpster whom the Beltway commenters were always tempted to crown as one of the "reasonable" ones resigns and sends the markets down.

But once again, let's not give in to lazy punditry and join the chorus of compliments for Gary Cohn. He deserves no adulation from anybody. Shall we review his record?

1. Trump embraces white nationalism. Cohn makes noises about resigning, but takes no action.
2. Trump says there are some white supremacists who are good people. See #1.
3. Trump refuses to condemn Russian attempts to subvert American democracy. Cohn does nothing.
4. Trump is a serial adulterer who cavorts with porn stars. Crickets from Cohn.
5. Multiple Cabinet secretaries become serial abusers of the public trust. Cohn looks the other way.
6. Cohn helps construct and win passage of a rapacious, soak-the-poor tax scam.
7. Cohn's tax scam will bust the budget like nothing ever seen.
8. Cohn helps devise a desperately needed $1.5 trillion infrastructure plan that's roundly branded a joke because there's only $200 million in it.
9. For more than a year, Cohn has been a willing accomplice to turning the government into the marketing and sales division of The Trump Organization and blowing a Grand Canyon-size hole in the Constitution's emoluments clause.

And now, Cohn has finally done the principled thing, resigning in protest of a childish, impulsive and economically destructive trade war launched by his boss.

Sorry — but a .100 batting average will not get Gary Cohn into the Noble Public Servant Hall of Fame. We cats HISS.

Lest We Furr-get: Thad Cochran Is Not A Good Guy

By Miss Kubelik

We cats will ignore the Sam Nunberg Clown Show for the moment to opine on the newly announced retirement of Senator Thad Cochran from Mississippi. Let's refrain from getting all squishy about little Thaddy, shall we?

Yes, we know that he's had his share of problems with the mouth-frothing nutcases on the extreme right wing. But just because Chris McDaniel and the Trumpsters are after him doesn't make Cochran a knight in shining armor. It's only because the Republican Party has gotten so, so bad that one is tempted to forget that Cochran is a reproductive-rights-opposing, Gorsuch-loving, NRA-endorsed hero of the Eagle Forum and other horrible people like them.

It's pretty ironic that a GOP stalwart who voted a hundred times to repeal Obamacare can retire to take care of his health. How many Americans are also sick but can't afford to quit their jobs? We cats HISS.

All Is Not Quite Lost

"In the years ahead [little girls of color] will come to this place and see an image of someone who looks like them hanging on the wall of a great American institution. I know the kind of impact that will have on their lives because I was one of those girls."

—Michelle Obama

Comedy Sketches From The Black Hole

By Zamboni

We cats are relentless critics of the White House Correspondents' Dinner (which, we're sad to say, is looming on the horizon once again). It's unseemly that the Washington press corps cozies up to the office holders they're responsible for covering, and even turn it into a kind of Hollywod-on-the-Potomac. We hate it.

Can we say the same thing about the Gridiron Dinner? It's just as awful, but less visible.

Presidents have attended the Gridiron for more than 100 years, but it's always been private and off the record, so you'll never find it on C-SPAN. Still, word leaks out about what gets said and done. And last night's Gridiron was... ugh.

Unless, of course, you think it's amusing when journalists perform skits and sing parody songs about the news, nod, nod, wink, wink. You know what? Maybe that kind of thing worked in another era, when we actually had a competent grownup behind the desk in the Oval Office. Not now.

For Donald Trump to stand at the lectern in a room full of journalists and joke that he "likes chaos" ("It's really good," he said) is not only not funny, it's frightening. Because aside from Robert Mueller, reporters are the only people who are going to save us from this Trumpian nightmare we're in. And knowing the press's track record ("But her emails!"), and that they're sitting in a ballroom at the Renaissance Washington Hotel chuckling along with him, it's more frightening still.

How can we keep going with these lame inside-the-Beltway traditions when our government is disintegrating? It's just what Vladimir Putin wants, and it's pathetic and alarming.

Like the rest of America, we cats are tired of the tumult. We want it to end. We want to feel safe again. But we won't until these terrible people are gone. Please, Bob Mueller, hurry up, because the press won't save us. We cats HISS.

The Picture Of Dorian Kushner, Unveiled

By Baxter

We cats have observed in the past that Jared Kushner, with his creepy demeanor and strangely unfinished face, resembles Hurd Hatfield as Dorian Gray. Until now, we assumed that Kushner was merely a New York real estate grifter, an apple who didn't fall far from the tree, and a religious hypocrite — an allegedly Orthodox Jew who golfed with his sleeveless-dress-wearing wife on Saturdays.

Now, it's becoming clear that he's much, much worse.

Shady dealings abound, with Jared leveraging his White House influence to secure loans for his beleaguered company, which by our reading of the Constitution is a flat, flagrant violation of the emoluments clause. (We'll be happy to accept clarification from you Constitutional scholars out there.) And since we now know that he's had access to the nation's most sensitive intelligence without the proper clearance for almost a year, we shudder to think how many secrets he sold to the Russians. Or to Benjamin Netanyahu, for that matter.

Meanwhile, Republican super-patriots who always screamed that Democrats were weak on national security — even likening a Viet Nam vet Democratic Senator to Osama bin Laden — are silent.

The picture of Dorian Kushner is being revealed, and it isn't pretty. Wee Donald and his immigrant-hating Chief of Staff should get Jared's skinny ass out of the White House now, and throw Ivanka out with him. As for the complicit GOP, we'll deal with them in November. In the meantime, we cats HISS.

"Their" Needs To Be A Discussion About Levi Sanders

By Sniffles

We cats have generally refrained from criticizing Senator Bernie Sanders, for a variety of reasons.

First, we're always interested in Democratic unity, because the enemy is so clearly not in our own ranks but on the other side of the aisle. (Yes, we know Sanders is not a Democrat.) Second, there's nothing more obnoxious than an angry Bernie Bro, and we just didn't feel like making ourselves a target. And third, Bernie Sanders, with his yelling and his pointing, annoys us. Why waste pixels on him?

But now we must speak up about Bernie Sanders's son, Levi, who is running for Congress in New Hampshire. Not just because the Berniacs constantly complain about the Clinton "dynasty." (We haven't noticed Chelsea Clinton throwing her hat in the ring for anything, have you?) And not just because there are already several highly qualified Democratic candidates in the field — or because Levi Sanders has a history of controversial tweeting. (Who does that remind you of?)

No, we absolutely, positively must oppose Levi Sanders because he cannot spell. We cats HISS.