Biden Hands The Gotcha Back

By Hubie and Bertie

The ever-underprepared* "Meet the Press" anchor Chuck Todd interviewed Joe Biden on Sunday and asked Biden if Benedict Donald, due to his woeful coronavirus response, had "blood on his hands."

"That's a little harsh," Biden responded, and he was right to do so. Todd, as is his wont, had asked a gotcha question that easily could have turned into a news-cycle-dominating event — something that wouldn't have done a bit of good for Biden but which we're sure Todd would have loved, ratings-wise. Biden wisely chose not to play ball.

Don't get us wrong. We cats are entirely willing to lay the coronavirus deaths of Americans — whether they're 100,000, 240,000 or 2.2 million — at Donald Trump's feet. But the country wasn't ready to hear that on Sunday, and they may not be ready for some weeks yet. And whenever it happens, the first person to say it shouldn't be Joe Biden.

Well, so much for "whenever," because it happened on Monday. In a scathing editorial, The Boston Globe declared, "As the American public braces itself for the worst of this crisis, it’s worth remembering that the reach of the virus here is not attributable to an act of God or a foreign invasion, but a colossal failure of leadership."

After listing the Trumpsters' many failings on the pandemic front, the Globe concluded with this: "The months the administration wasted with prevarication about the threat and its subsequent missteps will amount to exponentially more COVID-19 cases than were necessary. In other words, the President has blood on his hands."

Expect more of this as coronavirus deaths continue. With every loss, more and more Americans will be ready to hear it. In the meantime, we applaud Biden for his able handling of Todd, and we PURR.

*If you have to ask the genesis of this insult, you are not a Hillary Clinton fan.

Not Exactly Shipshape

By Miss Kubelik

The USNS Comfort entering New York Harbor was a sight to behold today. We cats took a moment to appreciate this vista before resuming our coronavirus grumpiness.

Why are we crabby? Because Republicans are killing people.

Pretty soon the numbers of COVID dead will pass 9/11 levels. And then they'll equal the number of Americans killed by George W. Bush and Dick Cheney in Iraq. And then they'll creep up toward the 58,000 we lost in Vietnam. Next up: Surpassing the 89,343 Americans who died of AIDS on Ronald Reagan's watch.

That's right: Reagan killed nearly 90,000 people. Who knew? But now the Trumpsters are spinning 100,000 to 200,000 coronavirus victims as an acceptable level — a "victory" because it would be far less than the two million predicted by the UK's Imperial College.

It's unthinkable that an administration would be okay with the deaths of 200,000 Americans. But what the Trumpsters are missing is that COVID-19 is going to kill a lot of their base — not just a bunch of liberals in New York, New Jersey, Illinois, California and Connecticut.

The mayhem we're seeing in New York City will visit cities in red states soon, especially if governors in Florida, Mississippi and Alabama don't start clamping down and pastors of megachurches keep holding services for thousands of people. And then what will the MAGAts do? Still blame New York? We cats are disgusted, and we HISS.

"As The President Fiddles, People Are Dying"

Quote in the headline: Nancy Pelosi, today.

Image: Kate McKinnon, 2016.

Meanwhile, North Of The 49th Parallel...

By Zamboni

While Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau continues to earn good marks in his handling of the coronavirus pandemic, the opposition team isn't doing so hot.

The national Conservative Party has finally decided to pull the plug on their leadership race, with which, in their Trumpishness, many party members had hoped to forge ahead despite the pandemic. Not only did a round of public dithering damage their brand, the Conservatives hamhandedly announced the postponement just a day after the final deadline to enter the race — and then refused to extend it.

Somewhere, Justin is smiling.

Out west in Saskatchewan, a provincial cabinet member tweeted that everyone should just deal with the pandemic by praying and repenting. Greg Ottenbreit, minister of highways (as opposed to, of a church) quoted the Old Testament and said, "I guess it worked a few thousand years ago. Couldn’t hurt." Actually, it kind of could — if people take his advice to heart and decline to seek medical help. And yes, in case you're wondering, Ottenbreit's political party is conservative, center-right. He's deleted the tweet.

Saskatchewan isn't leading in the number of people with coronavirus (Quebec is). But we're feeling a little smug that 18 of its 134 cases have been traced to a snowmobile club rally that was held on March 14 in Lakeland, at the foot of beautiful Prince Albert National Park. We (and our woodland creature friends) despise snowmobiles — that's what dogs are for! We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Sledding in Prince Albert Park)

E Pluribus Not Unum.

By Baxter

The nation's coronavirus death toll has passed 2,000. Which means we're heading into 9/11 territory.

So it's ironic that Donald Trump is setting up New York City to take the blame for "infecting" other states — like Florida, whose white-supremacist Republican governor has failed to take significant action to guard the health of his citizens.

There's been no order from Ron DeSantis to close the beaches or stay at home. Thanks to him, thousands of people from every corner of America poured into the Sunshine State for spring break, partied on the not-closed beaches, and then fanned back out across country, carrying the coronavirus with them. But never mind. Now DeSantis is setting up roadblocks at the state line and stopping cars with New York plates.

Way to unite the nation, Trumpsters. Is it November yet? We cats HISS.

Deleted Tweet.

On the interwebs, vileness lives forever. We cats HISS.

Numbers.

By Sniffles

We cats are really good in English, but with the economic numbers that have come out today, it's math that's catching our attention tonight. Try these on for size.

Benedict Donald won the Electoral College in 2016 with an alleged margin of approximately 80,000 votes in Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin. Right now, the US has 83,329 cases of coronavirus.

Hillary Clinton beat Trump by approximately three million votes. In one week — this week — Trump's lack of response to the coronavirus pandemic has cost 3.2 million Americans their jobs.

Here are this week's new claims for unemployment compensation for the following states — and Trump's 2016 margin of victory in each one:

• Michigan — 129,000 claims / 11,000 votes
• Ohio — 188,000 claims / 450,000 votes
• Pennsylvania — 379,000 claims / 45,000 votes
• Wisconsin — 51,000 claims / 23,000 votes

How mad are each of those people going to be come November? We cats switch our tails, and wait.

We Won't Be There, Donald.

Is there anything more upsetting than Republicans promoting human sacrifice? "Everything to Trump is transactional," Sarah Kendzior warned America, "and all of you are the transaction." We cats HISS.

An Open Letter to Elise Stefanik

By Hubie and Bertie

"Dear" Elise Stefanik,

We read in the paper that you want to open an investigation into China and how it handled the initial outbreak of coronavirus. How about focusing your attention on something a little closer to home — as in, your New York Congressional district?

We cats live here. Last we checked, the 21st district was part of New York State. But the rumblings coming out of Washington are that if our Governor doesn't flatter the current occupant of the White House enough, New York won't get what it needs to fight the coronavirus. Not just New York City — but cities and towns in NY-21 and across the Empire State.

We're wondering if you're okay with this.

A reminder: The state of New York sends far more in federal taxes to Washington than Washington returns in support: $27 billion more, in fact. And red states pay far less. But it shouldn't come down just to money. It's a question of basic human decency.

And that's a test that you've been failing a lot lately.

You went full-bore Trumpy during the impeachment hearings, and your knee-jerk, MAGA Twitter mob has attacked people relentlessly since. But is it possible that you're willing to sacrifice New Yorkers' lives — including those of your own constituents — on the altar of Benedict Donald's personality disorder?

People in NY-21 will need ventilators, too. Are you looking out for them? If not, we know someone who will. We cats HISS.

Well, Of Course.

Klobuchar Is Classy, Rand Is A Rat

By Miss Kubelik

About a week ago, former Republican Congressman and Presidential candidate Ron Paul published an online piece about the coronavirus. He called Dr. Anthony Fauci a "fearmonger" and freaked out that, in the pandemic, the mayor of Champaign, Illinois, had banned the sale of — you guessed it — guns. "People should ask themselves," Paul wrote, "whether this coronavirus 'pandemic' could be a big hoax."

Then yesterday, news broke that the elder Paul's son, Kentucky Senator and renowned jackass Rand Paul, had tested positive for the virus. He'd had his test days before, but had continued to attend Senate functions, including a GOP caucus luncheon in close quarters. He worked out in the Senate gym and went for a swim in the pool. Five Senators are isolating, one of whom, Mitt Romney, was mocked by Benedict Donald at his Sunday afternoon White House lie-fest. (Do we need to note here that both Pauls are physicians? Incredibly, yes, they are.)

Controversy immediately erupted as to why Rand Paul was able to be tested for COVID-19 so quickly, particularly since he was asymptomatic at the time. Since "Anybody that wants a test can get a test" is proving to be the "If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor" of the Trump era, it's a legitimate question. Not even folks with coronavirus symptoms have access. Why did Rand Paul?

The Paulites and Trumpsters may bluster back with "Well, he's a Senator!" We cats say, piffle. Here's why.

This morning, Democratic Senator Amy Klobuchar of Minnesota announced that her husband has been diagnosed with coronavirus. He has pneumonia and is in a hospital in Virginia. In her official statement, Senator Klobuchar made one thing perfectly clear:

"I wanted to let my colleagues and constituents know that since John and I have been in different places for the last two weeks and I am outside the 14-day period for getting sick, my doctor has advised me to not get a test. As everyone is aware, there are test shortages for people who need them everywhere, and I don’t qualify to get one under any standard."

That, dear readers, is the difference between a responsible public servant and a selfish, arrogant bastard. That is the difference between a good person and a cad. That is the difference between a Democrat and a Republican. We cats HISS.

From A Distance

Dear Randy, what would America do without you? A lot less laughing. We cats PURR.

Bottom Line.

"COVID-19 is an American catastrophe, a slow-motion disaster only now coming into view. When its true proportions have been measured, it will make the early government response look even more outrageous than it already seems. What’s happening here, in this country, was avoidable. Nearly every flaw in America’s response to the virus has one source: America did not test enough people for COVID-19."

—Alexis C. Madrigal and Robinson Meyer, The Atlantic, March 21, 2020

Pull The Plug

By Zamboni

That's it, everybody. Stop broadcasting the White House coronavirus pressers. They're dangerous.

Sure, cable news got a charge (and fabulous ratings) out of airing Donald Trump's "shows" live in 2016. And they've continued to do so since his Russian-assisted election. But now, Trump's White House briefings, and his tweets, are literally putting lives at risk.

Trump is not just beating his own chest in celebration of his (non-existent) wonderfulness, he's spreading disinformation that could kill. Case in point: He tweeted that a combination of hydroxychloroquine and azithromycin would fight COVID-19. In reality, taking those two drugs together is hazardous to your health. Plus, lupus patients, who take hydroxychloroquine for their disease, are now finding it scarce thanks to Trump-inspired pandemic panickers.

This is on top of the fact that Trump is using the briefings as a substitute for his shows. He needs adulation (hence the fact that everyone on the podium is forced to laud the Dear Leader), and he needs to put the press in its place. What he doesn't realize is that this is all backfiring on him in a monumental way. Outside of his cult, Americans are either throwing up all over him, or tuning him out and listening to their state and local officials instead.

Yes, we know the journalistic rule that everything a President does is newsworthy, so you have to cover it. But everything is different now. Trump is putting lives in danger. He needs to be stopped. Can the Secret Service make a citizen's arrest? We cats HISS.

The Pen Is Mightier...

(IMAGES: Top: Michael de Adder. Above: Bill Bramhall.)

Maybe You Shouldn't Be In The Country: Republicans Don't Care About You

By Baxter

Have you noticed the right-wing and Trumpy voices trying to tamp down criticism of Dear Leader by saying "Now is not the time for partisan politics," or "Let's not revisit the past, let's focus on the present and the future"?

Humph. "Now is not the time" means that now is definitely the time. And we cannot focus on the right things to do, now and for the future, unless we recognize the screw-ups that have happened in the past. And oh, there are so many. (See Dr. Fauci's body language, above.)

Example: "US intelligence agencies were issuing ominous, classified warnings in January and February about the global danger posed by the coronavirus while President Trump and lawmakers played down the threat and failed to take action that might have slowed the spread of the pathogen, according to US officials familiar with spy agency reporting," The Washington Post reports.

Not only did they "play down" the pandemic — Republicans sold stock and cashed in. In one GOP Senator's case, she bought stock in the company that makes telework software. Gee, how'd she know that?

These Republicans are despicable. Their actions are indefensible. But it could help explain why no Republicans have yet stood up meaningfully to Trump.

It's because they are just like him. They don't give a rat's ass about anybody but themselves. And Trump, by being his awful, vile, subhuman and incapable-of-empathy self, gives them cover to be just as awful, vile, subhuman and incapable-of-empathy as he is. Perhaps with not as many people noticing.

We don't predict sweeping political deaths lightly. But we're really beginning to wonder if there will be a Republican Party after 2020. Or will they break up into the Whigs and the Know Nothings? Either way, Democrats will be able to run against Trump for decades longer than we were able to run against Herbert Hoover. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Bottom Of The Barrel Edition

By Sniffles

Today, the world may have moved from panic over the coronavirus to outrage over the stupid things people are doing. Here are a few news stories that we think really stand out.

Faithful readers may be aware that we cats are no fans of the Olympics, which have long been hijacked by hate (1936), murder (1972) and farce (1994). Athletes have been punished (1968) and ridiculously glorified (1976, 1984). And Avery Brundage — ugh. Now the stupidity continues, with hundreds of morons and fools showing up for the "torch relay" in Japan — putting themselves and others at risk during a pandemic. Can we just cancel already?

Are we all agreed that no paper except Charmin, et. al., can be flushed? If this frustrates you, we suggest you try a litter box instead — and scoop your business into a Litter Genie or the trash. Works for us.

Then there's that jackass county commissioner in Kansas who says his state won't have a coronavirus problem because they don't have a lot of Chinese people. JFC.

Nothing, however — except maybe everything Benedict Donald does, every minute of the day — compares with the stupidity of Senators who sold stock after secret intelligence briefings on the pandemic. It looks like North Carolina Senator Richard Burr's name is getting attached to the scandal, but it also has engulfed Loeffler of Georgia, Johnson of Wisconsin, Inhofe of Oklahoma, and, sadly, Feinstein of California. (Unlike the Republicans, we Democrats never claim to be perfect.)

Finally, remember when yesterday's White House presser seemed like the total pits and that things couldn't get any worse? Good times. If you can't take any more of Benedict Donald's coronavirus craziness, try sending some money to your favorite Democrat. (For us, Joe Biden and Tedra Cobb come to mind.) You'll feel better. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: (One of Many) Coronavirus Editions

By Hubie and Bertie

Now you know why we cats take so many naps: It's a lot more pleasant than watching the news. Nevertheless, we've been picking up on a few headlines today. Here are some thoughts before we hit the hay again.

We're not Bernie Bros, but we couldn't agree more with our lefty friends that any corporate bailouts (airlines, hotels) must come with stringent conditions, and that the [EXPLETIVE DELETED] cruise lines need to be left out entirely — unless they're willing to change their registration from Liberia, et. al, to the United States.

We're feeling the absence of so many pleasures — going out to eat, getting haircuts, buying toilet paper — but one thing we don't miss is political rallies with carefully curated people standing behind the candidates on the podiums, holding stupid signs. Trump's MAGA "shows" are the worst, of course, but we're all guilty of this. In contrast, Joe Biden's solitary victory speech last night was a model of calm, decorum and good taste. More, please.

And speaking of last night: Maybe it's time for President Gore to talk down Bernie Sanders the way he talked down a defeated Howard Dean in 2004. His message back then: "This is really about the country. It's not about you."

Remember the Onion headline when Barack Obama won the 2008 election right after the financial meltdown? "Black Man Given Nation's Worst Job." If this November goes the way it's starting to look, they'll just have to drop in "Old White Guy" and their work will be done. And we're not the only ones this has dawned on. Here's a tweet from Max Boot, who is definitely not from our side of the political aisle: "So it looks like Joe Biden will be the second Democratic President in a row who will have to deal with the economic carnage that occurred during a Republican administration."

Finally, we cats are joining our fellow members of the animal kingdom in applauding this fact: Much of the environmental destruction that human beings daily wreak has been dented by the pandemic. The water in Venice's canals is clear again. Air pollution in China is down. Maybe the Arctic will stop melting? No doubt about it: The best way to save the planet is for people to be wiped out. But then, who would work the can opener? We cats PURR.

Joe Biden's Ad Team, Please Take Note

Without these guys at Eleven Films and Randy Rainbow, how would we keep our sanity these days? We cats PURR.

Livid

By Miss Kubelik

What's more depressing than our stock portfolio right now? The news that Idris Elba has tested positive for the coronavirus. We cats will have to rethink our leg-rubbing and lap-snuggling plans, because Idris was always at the top of our list.

And there's plenty more to get mad about. After acting like Republican stenographers for years (Judith Miller) (emails), The New York Times has performed a public service by summarizing all the ways that Team Trump has dropped coronavirus balls and made things worse. Read the whole thing, and you'll be incensed. Here's a quick timeline of just the lies that Trump told while the virus was taking hold:

January 22 — "We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China, and we have it under control. It’s going to be just fine."

January 30 — "We have it very well under control. We have very little problem in this country at this moment — five. And those people are all recuperating successfully."

February 10 — "Looks like by April, you know, in theory, when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away."

February 26 — "We’re going down, not up. We’re going very substantially down, not up."

February 27 — "It’s going to disappear. One day — it’s like a miracle — it will disappear."

March 4 — "It's very mild."

March 6 — "Anybody that wants a test can get a test."

That last lie may be Trump's worst. Remember how the GOP excoriated Barack Obama for "If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor"? How harmless that gaffe seems in comparison.

Today, Americans — both the sick and the only worried-sick — will be lucky if they get to see a doctor, any doctor, when they need to. There's one silver lining to all this. With everyone staying cooped up at home, pollsters will be a lot more successful in reaching furious voters. Forget Wall Street: Trump will soon see some numbers he really won't like. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

All Hat, No Cattle

By Zamboni

Well, that didn't take long. Governors across America are telling restaurants and bars (and right before St. Patrick's Day, ouch) to close their doors or only seat half their capacity. And the right wingers are losing their minds.

Just for yuks, we cats looked at the responses to Republican Mike DeWine's tweet that Ohio eateries and watering holes would go dark. "Overreaction!" "How dare you!" "We have rights!" In short, never get between a Trumpster and his Pabst Blue Ribbon en fut. But Milwaukee's own ridiculous "Sheriff" David Clarke takes the cake.

"It is now evident that this is an orchestrated attempt to destroy CAPITALISM," he bleated this evening on Twitter. "First sports, then schools and finally commercial businesses. Time to RISE UP and push back. Bars and restaurants should defy the order. Let people decide if they want to go out.

"GO INTO THE STREETS FOLKS," he continued, really wound up now. "Visit bars, restaurants, shopping malls, CHURCHES and demand that your schools reopen. NOW! If government doesn’t stop this foolishness...STAY IN THE STREETS. END GOVERNMENT CONTROL OVER OUR LIVES. IF NOT NOW, WHEN? THIS IS AN EXPLOITATION OF A CRISIS."

Well, if Clarke wants to encourage a ton of MAGA maniacs to gather in public spaces and breathe on each other, we won't stop him. But it's interesting that a Casper Milquetoast like Mike DeWine was the one who set him off. He isn't even Clarke's governor.

In many ways, DeWine has been proactive and responsible avatar of the coronavirus response. He was the first governor in the US to close schools, and now he's shuttered the bars and restaurants. He's gunning for daycare centers next. Illinois and California have followed suit on the eateries (with New York, we bet, not far behind). Who would've put "Mike DeWine" and "tough love" in the same sentence before now?

Clarke, meanwhile, is a a loudmouth idiot who's going to get people sick, hurt or worse. He's already nauseating us. We cats hack up a hairball, and we HISS.

"Guys & Guys" (Mike Pence's Favorite Musical)

We're thinking of leaving Randy Rainbow everything in our will for helping to get us through the nightmare that is Trump. We cats PURR.

Note To Bernie Sanders: Pack It In

By Baxter

We cats would like to pen a letter to a cranky old man who loves to shout and finger-point — not something we'd want to tolerate for the next four years under the best of circumstances.

But considering the week that our country has just endured, we want it even less. We are all exhausted — more interested in where to buy a stash of toilet paper than hearing about income inequality. So, Bernie Sanders, hear our plea: Give up.

Is this ironic, considering that the countries best positioned to weather the coronavirus pandemic are those with universal healthcare? Yes. But even COVID-19 will not change this reality: The Democrats could sweep Senate races in all the low-hanging states, plus the iffy states, and still they would be short the crucial 60-vote margin for M4A because Vermont has a Republican Governor who would replace a newly elected President Sanders with a Republican Senator. Period, end of story.

And that's just on top of the fact that former Vice President Joe Biden is handily carrying the vote in demographics that Democrats will need to slaughter Trump in November.

Finally, there's this: Tuesday is another round of primaries. Biden is ahead by 43% in Florida, 30% in Illinois, 25% in Ohio, and 25% in Arizona.

Bernie, with all due respect: You are not more electable. Democratic voters are picking the man Trump so feared, he committed impeachable offenses to smear. Drop out. We cats HISS.

"The Con Man Behind The Curtain"

"[Coronavirus] is a massive failure in leadership that stems from a massive defect in character. Trump is such a habitual liar that he is incapable of being honest, even when being honest would serve his interests. He is so impulsive, shortsighted, and undisciplined that he is unable to plan or even think beyond the moment. He is such a divisive and polarizing figure that he long ago lost the ability to unite the nation under any circumstances and for any cause. And he is so narcissistic and unreflective that he is completely incapable of learning from his mistakes.

"The president’s disordered personality makes him as ill-equipped to deal with a crisis as any President has ever been. With few exceptions, what Trump has said is not just useless; it is downright injurious.

"The nation is recognizing this, treating him as a bystander... Donald Trump is shrinking before our eyes.

"It has taken a good deal longer than it should have, but Americans have now seen the con man behind the curtain. The President, enraged for having been unmasked, will become more desperate, more embittered, more unhinged. He knows nothing will be the same. His administration may stagger on, but it will be only a hollow shell. The Trump Presidency is over."

 —Peter Wehner, The Atlantic, March 13, 2020

Bonne Sante, Sophie

Sophie Gregoire Trudeau has tested positive for the coronavirus. We feel bad for her and hope that she gets well soon. On the other hand, she gets to self-quarantine with Justin. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: "We Have Nothing To Fear But Trump Himself" Edition

By Sniffles

So much coronavirus news to catch up on, and so many dollars lost from our stock portfolio. Although what goes down generally goes back up, this Wall Street wreckage is due to sheer Trumpian incompetence, and we cats are furious. Here are a few other COVID-19-related thoughts that our occupying us this dispiriting morning.

Gee. It looks like disbanding the National Security Council's global health security team and cutting the Centers for Disease Control's global disease outbreak budget by 80 percent were not good ideas. But we all need to remember (and journalists and talking heads must constantly remind us) that THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT TRUMP DID.

Somebody in Trumpworld needs to explain why not having a stupid and useless border wall is a national emergency, but not being able to test Americans for coronavirus isn't.

If MAGA fools around the country want to think this is all a hoax and are refusing to take steps to stay healthy, let them. Two possible upsides of a pandemic are less pollution and fewer Trump voters.

Finally, Vice President Biden is going to speak about the outbreak today at 1 PM. It's becoming clear that Trump is so awful, he's forcing us to abandon the rule that the country only has one President at a time. The last time this happened was in 2008-2009, when the previous Worst Person Who's Ever Lived crashed the economy and Democrats had to ride to the rescue: Barack Obama tended to the crises at home, while Hillary Clinton mended fences abroad.

Everything Republicans touch dies. We cats HISS.

Hop In.

via GIPHY

Rumors were flying last night that Bernie Sanders was going to suspend his campaign either today or tomorrow. If he does, it would be completely out of character. But it would also be a patriotic gesture of the highest order. Trump has to go. We cats PURR.

Journalists: Stop Whitewashing This Crazy Presidency

So far, we cats have seen only this recognition of reality of Benedict Donald's insane press conference at the CDC on Friday. When will the rest of journalism step up? It's, um, kind of an emergency.

"As a reporter, in general I’m not supposed to say something like this, but: The president’s statements to the press were terrifying. That press availability was a repudiation of good science and good crisis management from inside one of the world’s most respected scientific institutions.

"It was full of Dear Leader-ish compliments, non-sequitorial defenses of unrelated matters, attacks on an American governor and — most importantly — misinformation about the virus and the US response.

"That’s particularly painful coming from inside the CDC, a longtime powerhouse in global public health now reduced to being a backdrop for grubby politics. During a public health crisis, clear and true information from leaders is the only way to avoid dangerous panic. Yet here we are."

—Adam Rogers, Wired, March 7, 2020

Nobody Likes Paul Gosar

via GIPHY

By Hubie and Bertie

One of the upsides of the CPAC virus (formerly known as the coronavirus) is that it's sent several particularly insufferable Republicans into Purgatory. Paul Gosar, the stupid dentist Congressman from Arizona who is so unlikable that his own siblings ran a campaign ad against him, is one of those. Having shaken the hand of CPAC Patient Zero, he's now self-isolating.

And so is Ted Cruz. Life is good.

Except there's still social media, so Gosar is tweeting away on the assumption that people care what he thinks. His latest musings — "Been thinking about life and mortality today. I’d rather die gloriously in battle than from a virus. In a way it doesn’t matter. But it kinda does" — is turning into an Internet meme. And not in a way he'd like.

Our question for this jackass is this: We're not seeing any military service in your bio, Zippy. When are you signing up? We cats HISS.

A Quickie: Don't Feed The Trolls

By Miss Kubelik

Wow! We cats have had notifications out the wazoo on Twitter today. And it was all because we had the nerve to criticize our Congresswoman, Elise Stefanik. It didn't take long before we got swarmed by Trumpsters and other disgusting people.

Of course, after that happened, we refused to engage. It's just common sense — although we're tempted, because you just have to wonder how many of the Elise partisans who were piling on actually live in her Congressional district. We suspect, hardly any.

What's most interesting to us is that the Trumpster trolls seemed most triggered by the idea that Elise could lose. We wonder if they would have reacted that way before Joe Biden started sweeping toward the Democratic nomination a little over a week ago. Because you know, with a strong Presidential ticket, interesting things can happen down-ballot. We cats PURR.

Sheldon Kicks Dirt On The "Ump"

By Zamboni

Senator Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI) isn't known as a firebrand. He looks like the nice dad in a sweater vest who opens the door on a nervous sixteen-year-old's first date. But he's come out guns blazing at John Roberts for his disingenuous pearl clutching over Senator Chuck Schumer's so-called SCOTUS "threat."

"As the architect of an 80-case barrage of partisan, 5-4 decisions for big Republican donor interests, Chief Justice Roberts has zero credibility playing umpire in any political squabble," Whitehouse tweeted. "Mitch McConnell’s effort to pack the Court is echoed by his effort to reassure the Republican justices of continued Republican political support."

Sheldon Whitehouse, Rhode Island is famous for you.

And yeah — we knew what Schumer meant, even if Roberts pretended he didn't. It was about the Court's GOP Senate enablers, who look like they may be out the door come November.

Addressing Justices Neil "Not Merrick" Gorsuch and Brett "Biff" Kavanaugh in particular, Schumer said, "You have released the whirlwind, and you will pay the price. You won’t know what hit you if you go forward with these awful decisions." Allow us to translate Schumer by citing just one example — abortion rights.

This summer, when Biff and Not Merrick join the rest of the right wingers on the Court and gut Roe v. Wade, Republican Senator Susan Collins (who is already underwater) will see her numbers in Maine drop another 10 percent. Democrat Sara Gideon will rake in $10 million. And what will happen in Arizona? Mark Kelly is already beating Martha "I Call Reporters Liberal Hacks" McSally in the polls. We can't imagine that the women of the Grand Canyon State will be stampeding to reverse that after Roe goes down the tubes. And look! North Carolina is already officially a toss-up! In short, chances are good that the Democratic Senate map expands as a result.

That's the whirlwind Schumer was talking about. He should know — he could be Senate Majority Leader by this time next year. We cats PURR.

Old Dominion To-Do List

By Baxter

Before we dive into one more Super Tuesday look-back, we're honored to announce that the Ken Mehlman Award will be given to former Republican Congressman Aaron Schock, who just (finally) admitted what the rest of the world already knew: He's gay.

Aaron, of course, had a wildly anti-LGBT voting record. But he wasn't fooling anybody. The minute he decorated his House office like it was Downton Abbey, well... we're schocked, schocked.

But back to Super Tuesday. As former residents of the Commonwealth, we cats are still lapping up the Virginia results. The state's exploding turnout and its solid shift to Joe Biden is just something you don't see every day, and it's going to matter in November. In the words of an aide to former GOP Governor "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell, "For many voters in Virginia, Joe Biden may represent a safe place to go to register their dislike for the current occupant of the White House."

Assuming Biden goes on to become our nominee (and maybe even if he's not), it'll be a stunner if Democrats don't win Virginia again in the fall. Hillary carried it in 2016, and it's just gotten more Democratic since. It's no longer a purple state. Color it blue.

So here's the list of what Biden's Virginia state coordinator has to do over the next few months. It's pretty uncomplicated.

1. First, the obvious: Carry the state for Biden-Harris (or Biden-Abrams) (or Biden-Booker) (or Biden-Whoever).

2. Protect the moderate, national-security House Democrats who were elected in 2018, like Abigail Spanberger and Elaine Luria. They came out in favor of impeachment on principle. Send them back to Congress.

3. Defeat our former Congressman, Republican Rob Wittman, in Virginia-01. We didn't call him Twitman for nothing.

4. Send 10,000 volunteers from southern Virginia over the border and into North Carolina to campaign for Biden.

5. Send 10,000 more volunteers from Northern Virginia up Route 15 into Pennsylvania, to knock doors for Biden there.

Those last two items are especially important, and if the current situation holds up, Biden's Virginia state coordinator will most likely have the luxury to do them. We cats PURR.

Super Tuesday Grab Bag

By Sniffles

Right at this very moment, Bernie Bro extraordinaire Chris Hayes is hosting his MSNBC show, and he seems very crabby. He's trying to hint that evil swaths of the Democratic Party were clearly determined to stop Bernie Sanders on Super Tuesday. Former Senator Barbara Boxer keeps trying to tell him no, it was the voters, stupid. Although we found the exchange mildly entertaining, we turned it off. (No need to stick around for Rachel Maddow since Bernie himself will be her guest.)

Let's be honest: After last night's Biden blowout, and with an additional state (Maine) piling on, we're not in the mood for crankiness and finger-wagging. We're doing some slow, satisfied exhaling instead. And here are a few thoughts that have bounced around our furry heads.

First, shall we state the obvious — that the massive turnout in Virginia, North Carolina and elsewhere was not just a warning to Bernie (who cannot grow his base) but to Benedict Donald and Vladimir Putin? If the Trumpsters and #MoscowMitch McConnell refuse to secure our elections, the only thing we can do is vote in such massive numbers that even the Russians can't skew the result.

Virginia stood out, numbers-wise, and we have a few theories why. It's home to many federal workers, the intelligence community (the CIA is in Langley), and Norfolk, which is — no kidding — the world's largest naval station. Trump has gutted and disparaged the federal government, fired James Comey, demonized Andrew McCabe and other FBI careerists, disrespected his National Security staff, believed Putin over his own intelligence officers, insulted deceased Annapolis graduate John McCain, and undermined the chain of command by pardoning a Navy SEAL for war crimes. Yesterday helped prove that thanks to all that, he's lost votes he's never going to get back.

On another note, think of the millions of dollars that endangered GOP Senate incumbents like Martha McSally wasted on ridiculous TV ads, trying to tie their Democratic opponents to Bernie Sanders. Even if you're not a particular fan of Joe Biden, you can at least love it that Republican idiots frittered away money they'll wish they had later.

Meanwhile, it sounds like Michael Bloomberg will continue to bankroll his anti-Trump efforts through November. You can tell that Trump is panicked because he's frantically trying to stoke the Bernie-was-robbed narrative. Bloomberg, meanwhile, went up in our estimation by staying true to his reputation as a data guy: He looked at the numbers and faced the music, quickly and cleanly. Would Bernie Sanders have done — will do — the same?

We doubt it. He'll probably grouse to Rachel tonight about "corporate interests" and the "establishment." Gee — for some reason, we didn't look at the photo of that exhausted voter who waited in line for seven hours at the polls in Houston and thought, "Now, that's a member of the corporate-cum-establishment elite." Sanders's argument rings false about Joe Biden, too. The Biden campaign was so broke it was practically hand-drawing its own campaign signs and flying Rubber-Band Airlines before the Democrats of South Carolina lifted Joe on their shoulders. But whatever, Bern. We cats HISS.

Bellwether

By Hubie and Bertie

Super Tuesday 2020 turnout in the Commonwealth of Virginia was 1.3 million voters — nearly double the number of people who voted in 2016. That's good, right?

That got our attention, because in Virginia, there's really no early voting as most people know it. They have "absentee in person" voting, in which you go and present ID and state a logistical reason you cannot vote on Election Day: a lengthy commute, or a trip out of town, or having to care for a disabled family member — stuff like that.

This means that nearly all of the Virginians who turned out today had seen and heard the news out of South Carolina this weekend. Which leads us to believe that it's Joe Biden — not Bernie Sanders or anyone else — who is driving Democratic turnout.

Today's voting isn't over, and Sanders isn't going anywhere (alas), but it's clear to us that Democrats are deciding that this is the way it's going to be. We're going to nominate someone who so terrified Trump that he committed impeachable offenses to slander him. That's our story, and we're sticking to it. We cats PURR.

"Hardball" Turns Soft, Squishy

By Miss Kubelik

Well, the stock market sure seems to like the way all those Democrats — Beto, Mayor Pete, the wily Mormon Harry Reid, Amy, and others — have been endorsing Joe Biden. No joke! Benedict Donald tried to blame the Trump Slump on Wall Street's worries about the Democrats. So by that logic, the markets were obviously thrilled today.

Biden and his endorsers are about to hold a rally together in Dallas, counter-programming to Trump's "show" in North Carolina. (Will he call the coronavirus a "hoax" again?) But as if today were not already dramatic enough, Chris Matthews just announced that he's history.

Matthews's retirement/firing/resignation/whatever from MSNBC was so long in coming. His offenses over the years are too many to list here (although the last straw, as you probably heard, was that #MeToo caught up with him last week). We've long felt that he deserved the heave-ho just for his most annoying habit — interrupting people all the time. He seemed to do it to everyone, not just women, but we'd bet money that he did it to women more often than to men.

It turns out that Matthews could always dish it out, but not really take it. And now MSNBC can hire someone who will let guests finish their sentences. We suggest expanding Nicolle Wallace's show to two hours to start. After that, they can figure out what to do with the other hosts in the run-up to Rachel Maddow at 9 PM. None of those people really thrill us (although Ari Melber is cute).

But one last word in between gloats.

Once a jackass, always a jackass. Matthews handled his exit gracelessly tonight. The shocked look on Steve Kornacki's face gave the game away: Matthews was expected to finish his full "Hardball" hour. And didn't. We can't say we're surprised, but it made the tearful, cringe-inducing tribute Kornacki delivered at the end of the show all the more hairball-hack-worthy — and totally undeserved. These on-air cable personalities take themselves way too seriously. We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: Steve Kornacki's deer-in-the-headlights moment.)

The Fixer

By Zamboni

Joe Biden's win in South Carolina last night was so overwhelming that "Biden's VP" is trending on Twitter. While that's a little bit premature, team, it's still worth thinking about. And over the last few hours, we cats have been giving some consideration to different kind of Joe Biden appointment.

Nope, not the Supreme Court or Attorney General, although those two will loom large if a Democrat wins in November. We're thinking of somebody who could oversee all the repairs that will need to be done to the US government after the disaster that is Trump.

Benedict Donald has run our government into the ground like it's one of his casinos. The State Department is hollowed out. DOJ is a politicized mess. The CDC and pandemic programs have been slashed and trashed. America's national security team is being purged. And hardly anyone has a permanent boss — not Homeland Security, not FEMA, not Labor — there are so many "Actings."

Just like the economy, the Republicans have broken the government and now we Democrats will have to fix it. Putting competent, patriotic Americans in the Cabinet will be a good start. But since things have gotten so bad under Trump, the next President — whichever Democrat that is — will need to appoint a federal-government-fixing "czar": someone who can ensure that resumes are vetted, positions are filled, and the wheels of Washington can get oiled and churning again.

May we suggest a few candidates? Martin O'Malley and Terry McAuliffe are both former Governors who, while they were in office, had thousands of constituents who were federal employees. Their executive experience would make them top-notch candidates for this job. They're each the kind of person who would inspire confidence in a newly inaugurated Democratic President.

One more thought: Ron Klain, who ran the Obama Administration's Ebola response, also has a keen sense of how the departments and agencies need to — and should — work. But he may be busy: Coronavirus is calling. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.