By Zamboni
Come CPAC time, we cats are always torn between making fun of them and refusing to give them more attention. But even this year, when they've clearly leaned big-time into The Crazy, we can't resist a few observations.
First, about Ted Cruz: What a sorry spectacle he was today. We're the first to admit we weren't watching, but from what we hear, he bombed — #TedCruzIsaJoke was trending on Twitter at one point. His lame Cancun quips were greeted by silence. And his Braveheart scream? Wow, how embarrassing. (On top of all that, he's fat! Check out video of him from 2016 if you don't believe us.)
Our theory is that if Benedict Donald does not run in 2024 — and the reasons for that are many — Ted Cruz will be one of the first Alternate Trumps to fall. You heard it here first.
And the Golden Trump? Wow. It's hard to imagine how evangelical ministers are going to spin that Bob's-Big-Boy-Benedict-Donald sculpture in their sermons this Sunday. Our guess is that they'll probably ignore it: It hits too close to the biblical home. But for the first time, we're kinda regretting that Charlton Heston isn't around to weigh in on this.
Let's just say that a dangerous new variant of the coronavirus has emerged in Florida, and its name is CPAC-CoV-21. Wear your masks, folks, because this virus is fatal. We cats HISS.
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