Knocking Another Year Off The Counter

Stay safe, everyone. See you in 2022. We cats PURR.

Bye, Betty

By Miss Kubelik

Gosh, as if this New Year's Eve weren't depressing enough! Not only did Montreal lock down last night (10 PM curfew, all restaurants closed, etc.), but news has just broken that on the cusp of her big 100th-birthday celebration next month, the legendary Betty White has died.

Kind of spooky that the four remaining major cast members of The Mary Tyler Moore Show all died in 2021: Betty, Cloris Leachman, Gavin MacLeod and Ed Asner. Every one of them was wonderful, but we'll miss Betty the most: She was a great friend of animals and a generous supporter of species conservation. We cats salute her, and we PURR.

(IMAGE: White House photo by Pete Souza)

Credit Where Credit Is Due

By Zamboni

The news business is in the toilet. The only thing that matters is money, via clicks and likes and shares. Which means that Michelle Wolf's brutal and brilliant stand-up performance at the 2018 White House Correspondents' Dinner was exactly right: Journalists love Donald Trump. He was, and is, their gravy train.

And the media probably can't wait for Benedict Donald's January 6 press conference at Mar-a-Lago next week. It won't be a "press conference," of course — it'll be a hours-long, wounded, self-pitying, nonsensical diatribe, with no questions allowed. It shouldn't be given a second of airtime. But sadly, the coverage will no doubt be wall-to-wall.

Meanwhile, the media's take on the Biden Administration has been unbelievably negative. After all, why recognize the accomplishments of the current President when you can get loads of eyeballs aiding and abetting his predecessor, the democracy destroyer?

But some of the pundit class are starting to come around. Here are a few observations by Norman Ornstein to help us close 2021. And if you have a platform, please amplify them.

"If we had said at Biden's inaugural that after his first year, with a 50-50 Senate and a margin of three or four in the House, the result would be $3 trillion in COVID relief and infrastructure, the best economic performance in 40 years, and a historic set of judicial confirmations, the common reaction would have been, 'Impossible!' ...No one should discount these quite remarkable achievements against multiple headwinds." We cats PURR.

Punching Out To Paradise

By Baxter

The wily Harry Reid, the Fightin' Mormon, has died at 82. 

We've lost too many people lately. The bright side of this one is that while pancreatic cancer usually kills swiftly, Senator Reid stared his down for three years. How very Harry. We'll miss him.

Cat Fight! "Schmeck" v. Rittenhouse

By Sniffles

See above: This is what Kyle Rittenhouse is now, since classless Oregon Biden-insulter Jared "Schmeck" outed himself to Steve Bannon today as a major Trumpster who thinks the 2020 election was stolen. Benedict Donald Junior has called "Schmeck" a hero. So now the Turning Pointers and the CPACkers and other right-wing nutcases will be clamoring for "Schmeck" to speak at their conferences, fundraisers and other super-spreader events. With poor little Kyle left in the dust.

Here's a scary thought: Either Kyle will go out and kill a few more people to get back into the Trumpsters' good graces, or some other crazy idiot will try something even more outrageous for the adoration of MAGA's madding crowd. Goodness gracious, but COVID can't fell these people quickly enough. We cats HISS.

Goodbye, Sarah

By Hubie and Bertie

Because the news media are made up of lazy people with no institutional memory, the majority of Sarah Weddington obits will be dominated by "observations" that Roe v. Wade, which she argued before the Supreme Court in 1972, is on the chopping block.

No doubt that Roe will be in the first paragraph of her many obits. What will probably not be as explored is how many liberal women emerged from Texas at the same pivotal moment in American social history. Weddington is one of them, but they also include Molly Ivins, Ann Richards and, of course, Barbara Jordan. 

We cats had the privilege of crossing paths with Weddington in 1981. She was meeting with our boss at the time, after which she retired to a typewriter in our office to pound out her notes. What we'll never forget is that she was the fastest typist we'd ever heard. This alone made her more competent than 99 percent of the men she competed with in her whole career. And how much more she accomplished than that. We cats personally thank Sarah Weddington for her service to us, and we PURR.

"If People Aren't Careful, They're Going To Wake Up And There's Not Going To Be Rural Healthcare"

By Miss Kubelik

Here's an important story that the mainstream news media can't be bothered with covering (yet). But it's looming, and it's real, and it will have an impact on all our political futures. It's about how inaccessible healthcare is becoming in rural (read: Trumpy) areas of the country.

As Kaiser Health News reports: "Georgia’s Echols County, which borders Florida, could be called a healthcare desert.

"It has no hospital, no local ambulances. A medical provider comes to treat patients at a migrant farmworker clinic, but other than a small public health department with two full-time employees, that’s about the extent of the medical care in the rural county of 4,000 people.

"In an emergency, a patient must wait for an ambulance from Valdosta and be driven to a hospital there, or rely on a medical helicopter. Ambulances coming from Valdosta can take up to 20 minutes to arrive, said Bobby Walker, county commission chairman. 'That’s a pretty good wait for an ambulance,' he added."

Key facts not cited in the Kaiser coverage: Echols County gave 87 percent of its 2020 Presidential vote to Benedict Donald. It gave 88 percent of its 2018 gubernatorial vote to Brian Kemp over Stacey Abrams. Echols County is only 6 percent African-American. It's also worth noting that Georgia is one of 12 states that have not expanded their Medicaid programs under the Affordable Care Act, aka Obamacare.

We don't understand why Republicans don't want to keep their voters alive and healthy to participate in future elections. But with all the gerrymandering and other voter-suppression machinations going on, their willingness to kill their own supporters may be the thing that saves American democracy. In the meantime, we cats HISS.

In Case You're Wondering What Precedes "Letting The Cat Out Of The Bag"

 

Justin's Half-Century

By Zamboni

Justin Trudeau turns 50 today, which means that this famous photo of Canada's current Prime Minister riding the hip of a former one — his dad — was taken a mighty long time ago.

By a wacky twist of fate, Justin's younger brother Alexandre (aka "Sacha") was also born on Christmas Day, two years later. (Sadly, Michel, the third son of Pierre and Margaret, died in an avalanche in British Columbia in 1998.)

As for Justin, tweeps are marveling today at how he still looks like he's 25. We cats have a solution for that. Grow that pandemic beard back, Prime Minister! That would make us PURR.

La Veille De Noel

 

By Baxter

As Charles Dickens would say, "Let us all see to good use these wares might be put."

If you're in Montreal, consider taking a walk on the mountain. "It’s Montreal’s crown jewel, our pride and joy, and for good reason. It offers a little piece of countryside in the middle of the city.

"Walk up to the lookout and back down, and you’ve just spent a half-day outdoors, soaking up precious vitamin D, breathing fresh air and getting the blood pumping. And how about that lookout? It offers quite the view. Along the way, stop at Beaver Lake and go for a skate. Or bring a crazy carpet and take a run down the hill that faces it."

We cats are privileged to spend a lot of time in Montreal. If you're somewhere else, which we are at the moment, let's all pause for now and take a few minutes to breathe. We cats PURR.

A Very Brandon Christmas

By Sniffles

In the true spirit of Christmas, some dad on a holiday call with the President and First Lady tonight signed off with "Let's Go, Brandon" — to which Joe Biden said, "Yes, I agree."

This is either a President who frankly, my dear, doesn't give a damn — or who has decided that if he expresses support for the "Brandon" sentiment, he'll make MAGAts less likely to chant it.

Even Erick "Erick" Erickson, right-wing jackass extraordinaire, has decried the anonymous dad's "Brandon" ejaculation. So you have to know it was bad manners. But the Bidens handled it with more grace than the person deserved.

The best way to disarm idiots is to appropriate their insults. We cats send Christmas love to the Bidens, and we PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Just Before Christmas Edition

By Hubie & Bertie

Stockings are hung by the chimney with care, and the clock is ticking down. But the news doesn't stop. Here are a few stories worthy of note as we hurtle toward a second coronavirus Christmas.

Surviving family members are getting quite bold about trashing their COVID-deniers-dead-of-COVID relatives in obituaries. Here's an example from Schenectady: "Michael Joseph Malecki died needlessly from COVID-19 on Monday, November 15, 2021, at the age of 70. He did not believe in masks, tests, vaccines, or the virus; he was ill for less than 48 hours." When will these nutcases ever learn?

North Carolina Congressman and all-around traitor Madison Cawthorn and his bride of just eight months have announced their divorce, and, amusingly, people are measuring their marriage in Scaramuccis. Cawthorn has blamed the demands of his job for the split, but why do we think that he's abused her, physically, mentally, and/or emotionally?

Has anyone else noticed that the supply-chain-and-delivery crisis that was supposed to swamp America for the holidays... um, hasn't happened? After weeks of screaming about impending disaster, The New York Times grudgingly did yesterday. This logistical bullet was dodged for two reasons: 1) Joe Biden, and 2) reasonable people doing sensible things, like buying local and shopping early. Congratulations, everyone! Now, if only the mainstream media would catch up.

Finally, speaking of doing sensible things, we did not know that the writer Joan Didion, who died today, was descended from 19th-century settlers who left the Donner Party to find another route to California. Hooray for American pragmatism. We cats PURR.

TCM Remembers, 2021

 

Turner Classic Movies salutes those we've lost in 2021. Nice ending this year — although the actor in question would probably be furious that TCM picked "that movie." Too bad. These days, it's important to celebrate a character who was anti-Nazi. We cats PURR.

White House Cat Update

With a new German shepherd puppy joining the First Family, the rumor is that the cat will arrive in January. Uh-huh. Obviously, the Bidens don't want their new feline climbing all these beautiful (non-Melania) Christmas trees! We will PURR when the cat arrives.

If Ponto Can Wear A Mask, So Can We

By Miss Kubelik

We cats timed our trip to Montreal just right. New COVID restrictions went into effect at 5 p.m. today, closing bars, entertainment venues, gyms, and more. So right now, New York Governor Kathy Hochul is looking smart to have implemented mask mandates a couple of weeks ago, while Quebec Premier François Lagault is clearly playing catch-up. Time to go home, we guess!

Meanwhile, here are a few other stories that are getting our attention.

The walls are continuing to close in on Benedict Donald and his merry band of insurrectionists. Trump is issuing fraught statements that seem more off the wall than usual — even for him — and trying to sue New York Attorney General Tish James, to forestall the inevitable. (It won't work.) House members like Marjorie Taylor Greene are upset that their phone records are being handed over. And the New Year may bring serious discussions about Section 3 of the 14th Amendment. (What's that, you ask? As Casey Stengel said, you could look it up.)

Our fave cop crush, Metropolitan DC police officer Michael Fanone of January 6 fame, resigned from the force today and announced he will join CNN as a commentator. OMG, does that mean we'll have to watch cable news again??? Boycotting it has been so nice, but Fanone!

We kinda think Joe Manchin is into bad performance art and that he's going to cave. Again.

The Bidens have adopted a new puppy, another German shepherd they've named Commander. Okay, Major needed a new pal after Champ went over the Rainbow Bridge. But WHERE IS THE CAT WHERE IS THE CAT WHERE IS THE CAT? We cats HISS.

Brittlestar To The Rescue

With Randy Rainbow on tour, we're grateful this holiday season to have funny videos from Stewart Reynolds to keep us grounded. (P.S.: "Plan Ahead" applies to next year's midterms, too.) We cats PURR.

Being Annoyed.

By Zamboni

Looks like we're all spending Sunday morning being mad at Joe Manchin again. As always, we cats refuse to join in the outrage. It's too exhausting — and contrary to rumors we've heard, Manchin is apparently more open to a voting rights bill, which is probably more crucial than Build Back Better at this point.

Meanwhile, the Senate has confirmed 40 Biden-appointed judges this year. That kind of thing doesn't nearly get as much attention as legislative fights do, but it's a record. (The pundits fawned over Benedict Donald getting 19 judges through in 2017. Biden and the Senate Democrats have doubled that.)

Here's the thing: West Virginia isn't going to elect any other kind of Democrat than Joe Manchin. And as maddening as he and what's-her-name from Arizona have been, the Senate (and the House) have gotten a hell of a lot done this year with extremely narrow majorities. If America wants to stop this craziness and have more wildly popular legislation passed, it needs to elect more Democrats. (Note to Democratic message mavens: Please explain this to voters in 2022, over and over and over.)

But as long as you're spending time being mad, spare some ire for these folks: Teresa Greenfield, who only carried eight of Iowa's 99 counties, Maine's Sara Gideon, who couldn't find a way to beat the vulnerable Susan Collins, Steve Bullock in Montana, who lost to Steve Daines by 10 freaking points, and North Carolina's own Cal Cunningham, who sexted his Senate campaign into oblivion. None of these Democrats won in 2020, and if they had, we wouldn't be in this fix. We cats HISS.

(UPDATE: We need to add DNC Chair Jaime Harrison, who ran against Lady Lindsey in South Carolina, to that losers' list.)

Here We Go Again

By Baxter

Before we cats left New York, Governor Kathy Hochul had just re-implemented a mask mandate in the state. Last we checked, several counties (including ours) were deciding they weren't going to comply. Still, social pressure can be effective.

Hochul's wise to do this, because the new variant with the dumb, unpronounceable name is starting to wreak havoc. In Quebec, with cases rising, Premier Francois Legault just announced some new COVID restrictions. Restaurants, bars, stores and other public places will be cut back to 50 percent capacity, starting Monday. The Canadiens played in front of absolutely no fans tonight. (A pity, since they're terrible this year, and they won.) And if you were thinking of having 20 of your best friends over for Christmas Eve egg nog, better cut that list back to 10.

This pandemic is an epic, rolling disaster, with many twists and turns. But you really have to wonder how it would be playing out if the US and other countries (Brazil comes to mind) had had clear-thinking and prudent people in power last year instead of autocrats and sociopaths. We cats are disgusted, and we HISS.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Bad Journalism Edition

By Sniffles

Snow and freezing rain? Well, it beats a derecho. When are people going to wake up to the threat of climate change, we wonder? Meanwhile, here are some news stories that are capturing our attention tonight.

How hilarious is it that FOX "News" performers were frantically texting Mark Meadows on January 6? And that they're still trying to downplay the seriousness of the attack on the Capitol? These people are a joke. If you were waiting for an excuse to do so, now is the time to write your cable provider and tell them to drop the Rupert Murdoch Sedition Channel from their lineup immediately.

Jake Sherman of Punchbowl News has been forced to admit that some of the texts to Meadows that the January 6 committee members made public were from him. So in other words, Sherman was a player in the event and didn't reveal that fact whenever he reported on it or talked about it. And he never revealed that Meadows was aware of what was happening at the Capitol and did nothing. Sherman not only deserves to lose his job, he needs to be drummed out of polite society forever.

We've heard gossip that Keith Kellogg, national security adviser to Mike Pence, is cooperating with the January 6 committee (they've already subpoenaed him). It seems pretty clear that there are some Cheneys in the background, twisting arms behind the scenes. Don't assume that Dick (the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived If Indeed He Were a Person) and his execrable spouse Lynne are taking the threats to daughter Liz lying down. But what intrepid journalist will break this story?

The media drumbeat about Joe Biden's low poll numbers and "annus horribilus" (we kid you not) is tiresome and stupid. Biden's approval rating has rebounded to 49% (Benedict Donald was in the low 30s at this point in his term). With COVID recovery money in people's pockets, tons of folks vaccinated, the Infrastructure Law passed, more first-year Biden judicial nominees confirmed than Trump had at this point, and America's global reputation restored... well, if 2021 is supposed to be horrible, we'd hate to see a really bad year. We despise the media and their clueless narratives, and we HISS.

A Few More Thoughts On Mr. "Democrat Wars" (And The GOP)

By Hubie and Bertie

The revelations keep coming about how awful today's GOP is. Tonight, members of the January 6 committee read more texts and messages they received in the Mark Meadows document dump as the full House votes on holding Meadows in contempt. What we've seen in the last few days is convincing: The committee knows what it's doing. And they're making serious progress.

But bad as the Republican Party is now, let's take a moment to reflect on just how terrible they've been for — well, decades. The recent death of Bob Dole was a reminder that their perfidy is not just some overnight development. It's been percolating for ages.

When Dole talked about World War II and Korea being "Democrat wars" in his Vice Presidential debate with Senator Walter Mondale in 1976, it was shocking. As it should have been. Never before had a national candidate cast the conflicts that America fought in as partisan exercises. Mondale — also deceased this year, with no fawning events held on Capitol Hill that we saw — expressed outrage in his low-key, Upper Midwest way. Too bad more Democrats who were veterans of "The Big One" and Korea couldn't have spoken out, too.

Daniel Inouye, who lost an arm fighting in Italy (and who was in rehab with Dole), or Charles Rangel, who never shied from a fight, or even George McGovern, who flew multiple hazardous bombing missions over Europe, all had the experience and credibility to rake Dole over the coals. None did, that we know of. The Greatest Generation sure was tight-lipped, weren't they?

If they had, they could have pointed out that it was prominent Republicans who hampered America's response to the gathering clouds of the Second World War. Isolationists like Idaho Senator William Borah, Ohio Senator Robert Taft, and of course, the First Dude of America First, Charles Lindbergh, all helped tie FDR's hands — before the attack on Pearl Harbor freed the United States to enter the war, defend Britain, and fight the Nazis as well as the Japanese.

Long story short, Republicans have rarely been on the right side of things.* Some of them used to be environmentalists or pro-choice, but those folks are all long gone now. The GOP is a menace to America, and we cats HISS.

*Okay, the Civil War. But that's one of the only times.

Contemptible

By Miss Kubelik

We cats just watched the live coverage of the January 6 committee's vote to hold Mark Meadows in contempt of Congress.

Nicely done! It wrapped in just a shade over 45 minutes, allowed everyone to make statements, and was oh-so-not-boring. Accent on "not," everybody. Hoo, boy.

You probably never dreamed that you'd hear Liz Cheney say the English translation of merde in a Congressional committee meeting, but if you watched tonight, you did. And those unnamed members whose texts to Meadows Adam Schiff read? Are they looking for bunkers to hide in, because they know their names are going to come out eventually? Or do they not think they're in trouble? (Spoiler alert: They are.)

Meanwhile, Donald Trump Jr. is out of the will — not that he hasn't already been given the heave-ho already (he apparently doesn't even have direct-texting privileges with Daddy), and not that there will be anything to inherit when Benedict Donald dies. Like the FOX "News" Christmas tree that burned, Trump World is a hollow fake.

As for FOX: Three of their on-air personalities were name-checked by the committee just now, and what were the network covering? Not the hearing. And at the top of the hour at 8 pm, still not the hearing.

Never mind. They're coming for you, Donald. We cats PURR.

"Bluexit"

By Zamboni

It's not clear why Mark Meadows gave up the 36-slide PowerPoint on how the Trumpsters were planning to commit treason — and then decide to stop cooperating with the January 6 committee. We don't care. The important thing is, we have the PowerPoint.

And the fact that it was presented to members of Congress means that anyone who saw it and said nothing needs to be charged/convicted/expelled/undergo-a-colonoscopy-without-anesthesia. Just sayin'.

Meanwhile, tweeps we follow and admire have advanced an interesting counter-argument to the Trumpsters-destroy-democracy scenario. If the Trumpsters succeed, why shouldn't the blue states — rich, populous and prosperous — engage in a federal tax strike?

After all, red states like Mississippi, West Virginia and (particularly, tonight) Kentucky depend upon federal dollars — mostly paid by states like New York — to stay afloat. So if the Republicans shut down democracy — if they end voting rights, reproductive rights, and marriage equality, and gerrymander minority-majorities in Congress — blue states should simply say, nah, nuh-uh, we're not supporting this. "We have the numbers, we have the business, we have the dollars. If we choose to shut down, everything shuts down," explains one of the "Bluexit" tweeps.

Of course, this won't work until corporate America realizes that the greater good (for the country and for themselves, long-term) relies on their not supporting Nazis who give them tax breaks. But aside from that, it's an interesting argument. And it's basically the analysis about why the North beat the South in the Civil War: bigger, stronger economy, more solid tax base, larger population. (And now you have to factor in the effects of climate change, which are hitting red states a little bit harder than blue states.)

The take-away? We're really better off if we stay in this together. But it's mighty tempting to think about hitting the Trumpsters where it hurts. So we should all channel our inner Lincoln, right? We cats PURR.

The Putrid Press

By Baxter

The inside-the-Beltway hypocrisy about Bob Dole continued today, and yes, we know that President Biden took part. We're fond of Biden, but it doesn't mean we agree with everything he does. (Just most of the things he does.) Since Dole checked out on December 5, he has been lionized as a figure of bipartisanship. As we cats have noted, we beg to differ.

The Dole coverage (even by our hero Paul Krugman, alas) is just one example of the recent failings of the Fourth Estate. Here's a list of our latest grievances:

The economy — By all accounts, the country is in a Biden Boom. GDP, job growth and wages are all skyrocketing. Unions are empowered like they haven't been in years. But all the press can focus on are gas prices (going down, not that they've noticed) and inflation (temporary, by the judgment of most economists). We're in a global pandemic, folks. And nobody in journalism can bother to point out that no Republicans voted for any of the recovery measures — which, by the way, are working.

The midterms — Talking-head pundits are handing both houses of Congress over to the Republicans in 2022 without so much as a howdy-do. Yes, redistricting is worrisome. But "predicting" a GOP sweep is lazy commentary by mostly straight white men who don't want to consider what effect a SCOTUS decision on reproductive freedom, plus any of the other hot-button issues of the day, will have on passion and turnout.

The insurrection — Mark Meadows handed over to the January 6 committee a jaw-dropping PowerPoint presentation that (with bad-to-nonexistent graphics) outlined exactly how Team Trump intended to commit treason and overturn a fairly conducted, hassle-free 2020 election. (Just the Presidential election, mind you. Republicans were fine with all the House and Senate seats they won.) Why is the existence of this PowerPoint not a screaming headline everywhere???

Kamala Harris — Our extremely capable and appealing Vice President has been the subject of ridiculous coverage lately, from buying cookware in Paris, to pronouncing the word "the" wrong, to her preference for wired headphones. (In case you don't know, wired headphones are more secure than Bluetooth.) These stupid stories are just maddening reminders of the most successful right-wing ploy of the last 50 years: convincing the press that they need to show they're not really "the liberal media." It makes us cats sick, and we HISS.

Spellcheck

 This is great, but who's picking up all those other lines that are ringing?

Thank You, General James

By Sniffles

The both-sides, so-called-mainstream-media will try to spin this story into some sort of Democratic apocalypse, of course. But Attorney General Letitia James saying "Actually, never mind" on running for New York Governor is welcome news.

Not because we don't like her. We think she's great! We were just not looking forward to having to choose between her and Kathy Hochul. It was going to be tough.

Besides, as James herself has said, "There are multiple important investigations and cases that are underway, and I intend to finish the job." That includes going after Donald Trump, so yay!

Unlike what the talking heads are bound to say — because they like to gin up gloom and doom for ratings — less intra-party fighting is always a positive development. So let's keep it between Republicans, in places like Georgia and Pennsylvania. We cats PURR.

Remember When Jesus Said, "Blessed Are The Gun Owners"? We Don't, Either.

GOP members of Congress are rushing out holiday cards with photos of their spouses and children brandishing firearms. (Some of the kids look kind of shellshocked, actually, which is worrisome.) But Marc Murphy of the Louisville Courier-Journal had the right response. We cats PURR.

A Thousand Words, Indeed

By Hubie and Bertie

There was a fake Christmas card from "the winter White House" making the rounds on social media today. It purported to be from Benedict Donald, and was, as you might imagine, very bad. But the reason we knew it was fake was that it used an image of Trump in that awful, unflattering and obviously very uncomfortable tux he wore to meet the Queen in 2019. Trump has bad taste, but he would never do that.

But we won't re-post that photo, because this one is so much more delicious. Your Majesty, there are times when we think we love you, Ma'am. This is one of them. We cats PURR.

Good Riddance, Bob

By Miss Kubelik

On second thought, perhaps we cats should explain why, with Roe v. Wade teetering on oblivion, we're not leaping to lionize the recently expired Bob Dole.

Will no one in politics or the press bring up his brutal anti-choice campaign for the US Senate in 1974? We haven't seen anyone mention it yet. But Dole was running scared against Congressman (and physician) William Roy, who, although he was not in favor of abortion on demand, had performed several of them in late-term situations. Well, you can just imagine what Dole said and did about that.

It was only a year after the Supreme Court said women had a right to determine their reproductive destiny, but Bob Dole helped put fearmongering and misogyny on the electoral map. He won, of course. We cats won't miss him, and we HISS.

Mr. "Democrat Wars" Checks Out

 

You know the old expression: If you can't say something nice about a person, don't say anything at all.

This Is MAGA

By Zamboni

It appears that the brilliantly named Crumbleys — however you pronounce it, it's Dickensian and funny — have been "uncommunicative and sullen" in custody. So fabulous.

We hope the Michigan jail they're in is as bad as the one in New York that drove Jeffrey Epstein to suicide. (If you believe he did kill himself, of course.) Epstein's cell was allegedly filled with mice and cockroaches. May the Family Crumbley endure that and more.

"We've not seen any remorse," the local sheriff said.

This is frustrating on the one hand, because the media attention has been on the perpetrators instead of the victims. So let's take a moment to honor 17-year-old Justin Shilling, who was an organ donor. A silent crowd gathered at the McLaren Oakland Hospital as Shilling's body was moved to surgery so his organs could be harvested. "We're here to bring light to Justin now," a classmate said.

(NOTE: Are you an organ donor? It's very easy to sign up, and if you're healthy and get in a car accident — or run into a Trumpster with a semiautomatic pistol — you can end up helping a whole lot of people.)

Meanwhile, we're loving the fact that the Crumbleys' lives have been ruined. Even if they aren't convicted of their involuntary manslaughter charges, and even if Trumpsters are raising money for them online (and we're sure they are), they no doubt will be fighting civil suits and other legal headaches until they die. And the Republican Party defends people like this at their peril. We cat HISS and PURR at the same time.

The Fugitives

By Baxter

We cats have been waiting for the perfect Trumpsters-Are-Awful-In-A-Microcosm story — and James and Jennifer Crumbley may have just given it to us.

Obviously, it's terrible that four innocent young people died at Oxford High in Michigan. We hate the country that we've become, awash in guns because of a misreading of the Second Amendment. In short, we wish that the Crumbley story didn't exist. But since it does, let's explain.

Fifteen-year-old Ethan Crumbley opened fire at school on Tuesday with a semiautomatic pistol that his parents had bought just the Friday before. That Tuesday morning, there was a parent-teacher conference about Ethan's previous, disturbing behavior — but nothing came of it, and Ethan's backpack was not searched. Not long after, Ethan started firing at his classmates, but not before his mother had helpfully texted him, "LOL, I'm not mad at you. You have to learn not to get caught."

Since then, prosecutors in Michigan have decided to charge the Crumbley parents with four counts of involuntary manslaughter. And now, the parents are on the lam.

WHOA. That's a pretty breathless move — but then, we never thought MAGAts would actually attack the Capitol, either. So, are we to assume that James and Jennifer (who loved Trump so much she was hoping he would grab her by the you-know-what) have abandoned their son? Who, we presume, is still in custody? What a party of law and order! What a party of life! What a party of personal responsibility!

If the parents don't return to be arraigned — and they were no-shows today — US Marshals and the Oakland County Fugitive Apprehension Team will have to search every MAGA yurt from the UP to the border of Indiana to find them. Because as we know from the Crumbleys' idol, Donald Trump, they consider themselves victims of the deep state, champions of gun rights, and answerable to no one. Meanwhile, their actions have guaranteed the families of the Oxford High victims a pretty shitty Christmas. We cats HISS.

(VIDEO: Oakland County prosecutor Karen McDonald announces charges against the Crumbleys, whose name has Dickensian implications we would love to discuss but cannot here.)

Chickens

By Sniffles

The religious right started rising to prominence when it helped Ronald Reagan win the 1980 election. Which means that for more than 40 years now, we cats (who have nine lives) have been warning low-information/no-information/uninterested voters that yesterday's Supreme Court hearing on Roe vs. Wade could happen. Alas, they never believed us.

But votes matter. Elections matter. And throwing your vote away on third-party idiots for stupid reasons also matters. Does it ever!

Yesterday's SCOTUS hearing was about all those Americans who thought it would be fun to support John Anderson in 1980. It was about voters who thought it would be in their financial interest to vote for Reagan and tax cuts, too. It was about everybody who thought Reagan's apparently-tossed-off-but-in-reality-carefully-planned 1984 quip about Walter Mondale's youth and inexperience was hilarious. It was about all the voters who thought Michael Dukakis looked ridiculous riding in a tank, or that Al Gore sighed too much in that debate — and why not vote for Ralph Nader anyway? It was for everyone who thought George W. Bush was a brave wartime leader. (Besides, there was something fishy about John Kerry and his Swift Boat, wasn't there?)

More than anything else, though, yesterday was about everyone who cared more about Hillary's emails than about their own personal freedoms in 2016. Vote for Trump or Jill Stein? Sure!

Folks, the email lady was right about everything — and now we're in the chicken-roosting stage of the game.

Maybe we have to end abortion to save abortion, to keep the Democrats in power, to punish the GOP for its nihilism and hate, and, most important, to save the Republic. We cats HISS.

Good News

By Hubie and Bertie

Want to cheer up? Here are some pieces of news that will brighten anyone's mood.

Stacey Abrams is running for Governor of Georgia again. And did you know that Democrats recently flipped more than 30 seats in statewide municipal elections there? The state is getting bluer and bluer. 

Joe and Jill Biden will attend the Kennedy Center Honors this weekend, restoring a celebratory Washington tradition that Benedict Donald trashed. Among the honorees: Bette Midler and Joni Mitchell. Yay! (But Mr. President: No need to do the same for the White House Correspondents' Dinner, just sayin'.)

A GOP canvasser in Wayne County who voted against certifying Biden's win in Michigan has died — you guessed it, of COVID-19. Good. He just freed up an ICU bed for someone who takes the pandemic seriously.

Republican Governor Charlie Baker of Massachusetts will not run for re-election, prompting the Cook Political Report to change the rating of the race from "Solid R" to "Lean D." (And they changed Georgia from "Lean R" to "Toss-Up," in case you're wondering.)

Finally, unlike the infamous Kyle Rittenhouse outcome, a set of actual legal consequences for shooting people to death could be in the offing: The 15-year-old Oxford, Michigan, killer of four high school classmates will be charged as an adult (which could mean life in prison), and his Trumpy parents might face unsecured-weapon charges. We cats say, LOCK THEM UP. And we PURR.

Lest We Furr-get: Plagues

By Miss Kubelik

It's easy to overlook when COVID is rearing its head again and so many important headlines are screaming at us, but today is World AIDS Day. Ah, yes, AIDS... our trial run at having a (Republican) administration that didn't care whether Americans lived or died.

(Coincidentally, it's estimated that since 1981, about 700,000 of our fellow citizens have died from HIV-related illnesses — and in less than two years, COVID has already surpassed that. Ye gods!)

But wait, there's more. Mark Meadows — that Mark Meadows, who is now allegedly cooperating with the January 6 committee — says that Benedict Donald tested positive for the coronavirus before he debated Joe Biden for the first time last fall. And he met with Gold Star families and didn't wear a mask! Are we surprised? Donald Trump is the biggest garbage person to have ever lived. But 46 had the perfect response to all this today. Nicely done, Joe.

Finally, the Supreme Court heard arguments about Mississippi's challenge to reproductive rights today. It was about as depressing as you'd expect. The one bright side (and one must always look on the bright side of life) is that any Republican who's banking on winning the midterms next year will not want SCOTUS to gut Roe v. Wade. But those election results from Virginia last month probably mean that punishing the GOP for ending abortion rights in 2022 will rest on whether white women in America value their reproductive freedom more than they hate Black people. We cats HISS.