Woe Is Willard: Romney's Anti-Choice Trifecta

By Zamboni

We cats can't decide if we want Hurricane Isaac to hit the Republican convention, or if we'd just be satisfied with the tempest that may take place inside the Tampa Bay Times Forum.

Back in the day, we thought that any kerfuffles within the convention hall would be due to the Ron Paul folks, who took over a bunch of delegations right under Willard Mitt Romney's nose. But, no. It appears that although much of the mainstream media have yet to take serious notice, a wildfire is raging among the GOP's most virulent anti-choicers.

Yep, the no-exception folks are apoplectic over Silly Willy. Not only has he endorsed a rape-incest-life-of-the-mother exception for abortion, but he did it in the same week that the GOP platform put its foot down in the exact opposite direction. (Which raises the question of as to what other parts of the platform he declines to support.)

Not only that, Romney has forced running mate Paul Ryan to to reverse himself and say that while he personally believes in a no-exception policy, he is willing to go along with Romney's position on the issue. Hm. We cats didn't know that was a negotiable item for the firebrand anti-choice crowd. (We also think that Ryan's plagiarism of President Obama is pathetic, by the way.)

So, in one week, the untrustworthy-on-abortion-in-the-first-place Romney has: 1) thrown a leading Christian advocate for the unborn under the bus, 2) thrown the Republican Party platform's abortion language under the bus, and 3) humiliated his courageous, no-exceptions, anti-abortion Catholic running mate. Wow!

Could Willard's real, secret, rabidly pro-choice position be any clearer in the eyes of the Christian crusaders? We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Todd Akin... looking particularly martyr-y, yes?)

Republicans, Tied Up

By Miss Kubelik

Journalists: Need to confirm Patrick Gaspard's statement about Paul Ryan today? Sure. Just ask us.

In other words, yes, indeedy — Paul Ryan did "look like a cat in a ball of yarn" when he attempted to talk about the messy topics of rape and abortion yesterday.

It's just another example of the tangle into which Republicans have ensnared themselves. We cats PURR.

Ill Winds

By Sniffles

Why do the media always seem to assume that things will go right for the Republicans? Do they have that much invested in a tight Presidential race — to ensure they have something to talk about 24/7 between now and November 6?

Guess so. Because nothing the GOP does these days seems to go right.

The Ryan roll-out — meh. Romney's trip to London, Israel and Poland — a disaster. The New Hampshire summer vacation? —Why was Ann driving the Ski-Doo? The Republican primaries? Don't get us started.

And now, the Todd Akin self-immolation. No wonder GOP Senate candidates are telling reporters to go (CENSORED) themselves. Even worse — it looks like the Republican National Convention might get rained out.

(We cats think that is great, by the way. Because jackasses like Akin are always invoking the name of God. And if God doesn't send a hurricane, who does?)

But here's the most delicious news tidbit of the day: A new NBC/Wall Street Journal poll of African Americans is in, and it's one that, while not completely shocking, still manages to leave you breathless.

Obama: 94 percent. Romney: 0 percent.

This is an amazing accomplishment. John McCain reaped 4 percent of the African American vote in 2008. And The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived — after doggedly courting religious black Americans — got around 11 percent. But zero??? Positively mind-boggling.

We cats assume this is a combination of Romney-Ryan's pathetic positions on domestic policy, the Republicans' relentless demonizing of President Obama, plus the fact that until 1978, the Mormon Church specifically banned blacks from its priesthood.

But what's most delicious to us is that the favorite nickname for the President over at that nutcase corner of the Internet known as Free Republic is "Zero."

Well, Freepers: Who's Mr. Zero now?

We cats PURR.

Akin To Mitt: Diss One's For You

By Baxter

We cats were once again planning to write about those naked Republicans running through the streets of Israel, screaming and drunk.

Okay, they weren't running through the streets. They were swimming in the Sea of Galilee (presumably because, despite how highly they think of themselves, they cannot walk on that body of water).

But, Todd Akin once again interferes.

The firestorm continues unabated — partly because talking about "legitimate rape" is completely, utterly and unalterably unacceptable, and partly because the woman-hater from Missouri has told his fellow Republicans in no uncertain terms to take a hike.

Including his party's presumptive Presidential and Vice Presidential nominees. Paul Ryan was apparently the only Republican able to reach his Congressional colleague yesterday by phone. No dice. But Akin saved his most delicious public smackdown, which he delivered to Sean Hannity on radio, for Willard Mitt Romney:

“Don’t you think he may have built this thing up and made a bigger deal about it than he needed to?" he said. “Why couldn’t he run his race and I’ll run mine?”

Wow! So much for Romney and Ryan as the putative leaders of their party. That pesky man Akin is simply not falling into line. What have we cats been saying for, like, eons now? That the Romneybots aren't in control of their campaign? We're beginning to wonder if they have control of anything.

Tampa should be very interesting.

Todd Akin: The Freepers React

"What the hell is there to apologize for? He was simply implying if abortion was legal in the case of rape, some women would make false claims of rape to get one. That is a fact. There is nothing wrong with a pro-life candidate stating that."

We cats say: Ahhh, thank you, you madcap right wingers at Free Republic. We were wondering what "legitimate rape" was.

A New Primer On Ryan And Rand

By Zamboni

Okay, boys and girls: We cats have decided that this whole Todd Akin explosion has provided us with an important teachable moment. So, here goes.

1. Under the "personhood" amendment that Paul Ryan co-sponsors, the rape victims about whom Akin has spoken so compassionately (not) would have to bear their rapists' children.

2. Many of those children would then either die for lack of obstetric care — because Mitt Romney and the Republicans would defund Planned Parenthood and myriad accessible forms of female reproductive health services — or, postpartum, would starve to death for lack of food stamps, housing assistance and other human-service initiatives that Republicans call cruel government interference in the free market.

3. Ayn Rand, while rooting for the abortion, would approve of the poor, postpartum life of the rapist's child.

Any questions? And no, you can't ask the obvious one, as in, "Why do Republicans have their heads up their butts?"

GOP Is Achin' Over Akin

By Miss Kubelik

Wow! We cats have so much we could write about today, between creepy Republicans talking about rape and drunken, wild and naked Republicans cavorting in the Sea of Galilee. Plus Donald Trump, heading to Tampa! — How can we ever choose?

Actually, it's pretty easy. The Republican convention doesn't start for a week, and the naked Israel stuff isn't going away for awhile. Creepy Todd Akin, however, may only have hours left to live. So we're going with him.

Goodness gracious. The GOP is just tied up in knots, as well they should be. But we cats think that, over and above the Congressman's repulsive comments yesterday, Republicans are missing the point. "He doesn't represent us!" they scream. Oh, yes, he does, dearies. Yes, he does.

So, okay, they're trying to pretend that he doesn't, by diving into a fruitless argument about whether to allow abortions after rape. As far as we cats are concerned, limiting a woman's right to choose, and harassing her if she tries to exercise it, is like raping her in the first place. But, never mind — for now, let's let them fight with one another.

What truly amuses us is that earlier this year, there was some chest-thumping among the GOP punditocracy about how quickly Missouri Senator Claire McCaskill would run from President Obama if he had the — shall we say audacity? — to contest her state in 2012. They were positively giddy when Claire announced she wasn't going to the Democratic Convention. In short, like certain other weasels we know, Republicans were laughing themselves to death over the idea of McCaskill playing hide-and-seek with her President.

Now, we cats guess it's time to ask whether the Romneybots would welcome Akin at their candidate's side if and when Willard or Ryan set foot in Missouri?

The very thought must give Willard the willies!

66, Lookin' Mighty Pretty

By Sniffles

We cats would like to know why people call Bill Clinton "the Big Dog."

Okay, maybe we do know why. But he's so svelte and elegant now, we think a feline monicker would be more appropriate.

In the meantime, we raise a glass of (what else?) milk to our former Prez on his 66th birthday — and remember with fondness that he presided over the largest peacetime economic expansion in American history. Which the Republicans promptly wrecked.

We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Missive From Messina

To Matt Rhoades, Romney campaign manager
 
Dear Matt:

I am writing to ask again that the Governor release multiple years of tax returns, but also to make an offer that should address his concerns about the additional disclosures.

Governor Romney apparently feels that the more he offers, the more our campaign will demand that he provide. So I am prepared to provide assurances on just that point: if the Governor will release five years of returns, I commit in turn that we will not criticize him for not releasing more — neither in ads nor in other public communications or commentary for the rest of the campaign.

This request for the release of five years, covering the complete returns for 2007-2012, is surely not unreasonable. Other Presidential candidates have released more, including the Governor's father who provided 12 years of returns.

In the Governor's case, a five-year release would appropriately span all the years that he has been a candidate for President. It would also help answer outstanding questions raised by the one return he has released to date, such as the range in the effective rates paid, the foreign accounts maintained, the foreign investments made, and the type of tax shelters used.

To provide these five years, the Governor would have to release only three more sets of returns in addition to the 2010 return he has released and the 2011 return he has pledged to provide. And, I repeat, the Governor and his campaign can expect in return that we will refrain from questioning whether he has released enough or pressing for more.

I look forward to your reply.

Jim Messina
Obama for America Campaign Manager 

(To add your name to this letter, click here.)

(PHOTO: Daisy the Curly Cat)

Town Hall Terrors

By Baxter

Is Willard Mitt Romney scared of town halls?

We cats wonder, because he had to drag his running mate, Paul Ryan, with him to just such an event in New Hampshire this week.

So, let's get this straight:

Willard has been running for President for 20 years. His summer home is in New Hampshire. He's done hundreds of campaign events in the state over the last six years, including events for other candidates in 2006 and 2010. He shops on Main Street in tiny Wolfeboro. But he needs Ryan at his side to do a simple town hall? John McCain must be checking himself into a hospital, he's laughing so hard.

Of course, the best thing about it is that when Romney and Ryan campaign together, they cover much less ground. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Yes, we cats know that Sleepy Hollow is actually in New York. We point that out for the benefit of Republican Presidential candidates who are clueless about geography.)