Rumors

By Miss Kubelik

It didn't take long to notice last night that social media platforms was simply ablaze with chatter about Benedict Donald being... dead.

He hadn't appeared in public since Wednesday, and as we know to the best of our ability, his health is not good. Anyway, the trending topics and clever comments were hilarious (we lost count of the images of ready-to-pop Champagne). The interwebs were united in anticipation.

And then this morning, this blurry image emerged, and everyone stood down. "That's okay!" someone skeeted. "It was a good practice run for when he really dies!"

Trump may be alive, but he looks terrible (that is, if this is really him). Is the White House going to explain the weight gain and the fat face? Don't hold your breath. Our theory is that he was on Ozempic or Wegovy or one of those miraculous slimming drugs, but had to quit taking it because it had a contraindication with his medication for chronic venous insuffiiciency (or whatever serious condition he has).

The Trumpsters claim to be transparent, but of course that's total crap. There is so much we don't know. Perhaps we'll find out when "it" really happens — until then, we cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Town Hall Terrors

By Zamboni

In the last few weeks and months, Republicans who try to hold town halls or who just appear at events like ribbon-cuttings and openings have walked into buzzsaws of discontent. Their furious and frustrated constituents can't easily access them any other way, so they show up on all sorts of occasions and — well, scream. You can hardly blame them.

For example, earlier this week Congressman Mark Alford of Missouri was raked over the coals by town hall attendees, who told him, "Come down here and start trying to pay your medical insurance. Come down here and walk into Costco to try to feed your family. You need to take your head out of Trump's ass." Ouch!

GOP rep Barry Moore of Alabama was so freaked out at his town hall that he cut it short and ran out the back door.

So is it any wonder that Elise "Elsie" Stefanik hasn't held an unvetted town hall since 2019? She ran as a middle-of-the-road, aisle-crossing, problem-solving Republican in 2014, but as we all know, is now full MAGA. Couple that with the Republicans' complicity with Benedict Donald's big, ugly bill, and she's carrying a ton of political baggage. Which is why she got booed in Clinton County last weekend.

Now, since Benedict Donald scuttled her UN dreams, Elsie thinks she's going to run for Governor of New York. How is she going to do that without meeting the voters? Is she just going to do a kind of lame, Andrew-Cuomo-for-NYC-mayor campaign — friendly TV hits and name-calling on social media? New York is a big state, with 20 million people. We're not sure how she's going to pull it off. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: An Okay Week So Far Edition

By Baxter

Yes, the Centers for Disease Control is exploding tonight — but we cats are looking back on the first part of this week and not feeling too terrible. Here are a few reasons why:

Democrat Caitlin Drey won a state senate seat in an Iowa special election yesterday. Why is this exciting? Because the district that Drey carried went for Benedict Donald by 11 points last year. Since she beat her Republican opponent by 10 points, that's one big, beautiful swing in our direction. Add that to the state senate seat that we flipped in January in a district that went for Trump by 21, and it's pretty obvious there's somethin' happenin' here.

Also yesterday, a federal appeals court ruled that Pennsylvania must count mail-in ballots that have the wrong dates on their return envelopes. (Hey, sometimes people don't fill stuff out right.) This is a win for Democrats, who use mail-in voting more than Republicans do — and a big defeat for the GOP, which believes that voting should be difficult for everyone except them.

But that was the second piece of good news on the voting rights front. On Monday, a judge struck down Utah's Republican-gerrymandered maps and ordered the state legislature to go back to the drawing board. The best part? Benedict Donald whined about it on his silly social media platform today, but thanks to Gavin Newsom's brilliant parodies of his style, not in all caps. Gee, a lower-case tweet just doesn't carry the same sense of Trumpian grievance and outrage.

Finally, the Trumpsters have embarrassed themselves by failing to get a grand jury to indict the DC Sandwich Guy on a felony assault charge. This is almost unheard of — when the government presents a case, a grand jury almost always follows its lead. But the team led by Judge Box O' Wine just couldn't get it done, and now they have egg on their faces. Or maybe egg salad. Or salami. We cats PURR. 

NEW! Randy Rainbow

Randy Rainbow helps keep us sane as we navigate this nightmarish Trumpy timeline. We cats PURR.

"You Are Neither Wanted Here, Nor Needed Here. If You Hurt My People, Nothing Will Stop Me."

Illinois Governor JB Pritzker shows all of us how you stand up to a bully. "Gavin who?" LOL! We cats PURR.

Five-Alarm Fire

 

This compelling image is either the British burning the White House on August 24, 1814, or it's whoever next occupies the Executive Mansion destroying Benedict Donald's awful MAGA trash and cheap, ugly gewgaws. It probably won't take something quite as drastic as a full-bore blaze. But when the time comes, we cats volunteer to help pry the fake Trumpy gold off the walls and jackhammer the Mar-a-Lago patio into oblivion. That would make us PURR.

Repurposing

By Sniffles

When we cats are traveling in Canada, we make a point of not buying American products. Why annoy the locals? Besides, we agree with them. Benedict Donald has insulted them, and their fury knows no bounds. Which means their boycott of all things American is still in force.

Sometimes this is easy to remember, other times, not so much. It's too easy to grab a bag of Starbucks out of force of habit or if you're not paying attention. But often, Canadian groceries will have helpful maple leaf stickers or signage to direct you.

At your friendly neighborhood café and bar, some decisions are made for you. Bourbon is nowhere to be found, as you'd expect. But others are trickier to remember. Don't bother asking the barkeep for Tito's vodka — it's made in America. (If you're avoiding anything Russian, too, Quebec options are available.) There will be no wines from California (or Washington or Oregon or Upstate New York). And if you were hoping to buy a bottle of something American and drink it in private, forget it. Provincial liquor stores have pulled it all off the shelves.

Team Trump shows no sign of suddenly becoming sane, so what was going to happen to all that booze? Believe it or not, it was all going to be poured down the drain — but there's been a change of plan, at least in Quebec. The Société des Alcools du Quebec just announced that instead of destroying it, they will donate the unwanted American wines and spirits to charity fundraisers and culinary/hospitality schools.

Trump is still a blithering idiot — there's not much we can do about that. But this is kind of a win-win. The banned booze stays off the shelves, but still goes to good use. And the boycott stands. We cats PURR.

SCOTUS Needs To Sing The Sorry Song

"This is Calvinball jurisprudence with a twist. Calvinball has only one rule: There are no fixed rules. We [the Supreme Court] seem to have two: that one, and this Administration always wins."

—Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, in dissent, NIH v. APHA

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Donald Is Ridiculous (And Let's Hope We're Not In Trouble) Edition

By Hubie and Bertie

It's been a few days, but maybe it's finally time to make some comments about the "Disasta in Alaska" and yesterday's meetings in Washington. Things must not have gone well, because Benedict Donald is suddenly babbling about how he's worried about getting into heaven.

Helpful hint: Donald is surely an atheist, and doesn't believe in heaven, or hell. He's just a narcissist who's panicked about his secrets coming out. (That would be L'Affaire Epstein, of course.)

But we digress. Here are a few observations that we simply have to get off our furry chests:

Rolling out a red carpet and applauding the arrival of a dictator and war criminal is beyond sickening. But those are the things Trump does when he's nervous about his upcoming performance review, right?

The American people need to be told why Team Trump came out of the Putin meeting looking frightened and ashen. (Was Donald ashen? He's usually orange.) Scary thoughts range from nuclear threats to Putin revealing he was actually an imposter. But in our corner of social media, the popular guess was that Vlad announced he had the full Epstein files.

Whatever happened, even the shills at FOX "News" couldn't spin the atmosphere as anything but negative. The summit press conference was cut short, the luncheon was canceled, and everybody got on their planes and left. This is so bizarre — competent White Houses do not allow shitshows like this to happen, they just don't. And as they say, a picture (see above) is worth a thousand words.

(Also: Competent White Houses do NOT leave sensitive documents behind on a hotel printer for NPR to find.)

European leaders were so alarmed by all this that they canceled vacations and hopped jets to Washington to show President Zelenskyy support and hose Donald down. This, dear readers, is also bizarre. In normal times, foreign dignitaries' visits to the White House are announced months ahead of time, and meticulously planned. It is not normal for six heads of state and the heads of the EU and NATO to swoop in at a moment's notice. They did it because all the lights were flashing red, and we only know part of why.

In our opinion, it was an insult for these world leaders to be greeted not by the President but by the White House chief of protocol, a right-wing has-been who used to be a regular on John McLaughlin's syndicated talk show (also known in our household as "The Shouters").

Finally, this isn't the most important point, obviously — but it's highly embarrassing that all these important people were able to see just how thoroughly Benedict Donald has tarted up the Oval Office. (And turned the private study into a MAGA gift shop. Or is that grift shop?)

Meanwhile, Team Newsom just kept on trolling. They're so good that Benedict Donald has even stopped posting on social media in all-caps. Thank you for your attention to this matter! We cats PURR.

And BTW, Vacuum Cleaners *Are* Scary

 

It's not often that someone gets the better of a scientist like Neil deGrasse Tyson, but leave it to a cat! Let's all PURR.