Let's Have Some Censure-Ship

By Miss Kubelik

When you have as many lives as we cats do, you sometimes forget the paltry span of humans' existence. Nevertheless, it's dawned on us that Americans of a certain age are about to witness their THIRD Presidential impeachment (or near-impeachment) in living memory. Amazing!

And that doesn't even include the upcoming Bill Barr impeachment, the Mike Pompeo impeachment, and — who knows? — maybe even the Mike Pence impeachment. After all, Pence was yanked back from Ukraine President Zelensky's inauguration. What did Mikey know, and when did he know it?

Meanwhile, we have a suggestion for Madam Speaker and her Democratic caucus in the house. You guys are surely headed toward a Benedict Donald impeachment, but would it be possible to censure the bastard as well? We're thinking specifically about his Adam Schiff "arrest for treason" tweet. Let's get every damn House Republican on the record about that tweet, and whether that kind of behavior toward a fellow member should be allowed to stand.

But why stop there? Keep introducing censure motions for other tweets. The "civil war" quote immediately comes to mind — some think that it alone is grounds for impeachment. But we'll settle for censure. And then, let's call up every despicable thing Benedict Donald has ever said — from "enemy of the people" to Hurricane Dorian hitting Alabama to "the squad" and beyond — and censure him for those, too.

Sigh. Speaker Pelosi will not allow that, of course. But we can dream, can't we? We cats PURR.

Marching For La Terre Mere

Wow! Half a million people marched in Montreal yesterday with Greta Thunberg, joining folks who demonstrated in cities across Canada in huge rallies to save the planet. We're so impressed with Greta that we're ready to make her an honorary cat. And of course we PURR.

"Have You Read The Assignment?"

By Baxter

How many of us have been tortured by a teacher or professor for the sin of arriving to class without having to read the background materials? (That, of course, wouldn't include those of us who have been canny enough to teach books we haven't read. Those geniuses are few and far between.)

We cats flashed on this phenomenon because of the incredible number of lamebrain Republican Senators who have pleaded ignorance on the Ukraine whistleblower complaint. "Haven't read it." "Haven't read it." "Haven't read it, but if you want to talk about ethanol..."

Fie on them. This is, as people less refined than we are would say, bullshit.

There are any number of responses to the Republican "I haven't read it" dodge. They include:

1. Do your effing job.

2. So, what you're saying is that you don't care at all about the security of the United States?

3. So, what I hear you saying is that you're not concerned about the fragile state of democracy in Eastern Europe, and that you prefer that Vladimir Putin run roughshod over former Soviet republics without constraint?

4. If this thing is really about Joe Biden, why haven't you read it?

5. When will you read it? When will you have an extra 10 minutes? Isn't there one fundraising call you can put off — particularly given how popular the President is, and how close you are to him and his campaign — to take the time to read seven well-written pages?

6. Does this mean you still haven't read the Mueller Report?

We cats HISS.

Maybe You Shouldn't Be In The Country: Benedict Donald Commits Treason

By Sniffles

We cats are wondering if July 25 will someday be designated as an important national holiday. Because that's the date of the now-infamous phoner between Benedict Donald and Ukrainian President Zelensky. It now could become the day on which we formally observe the preservation of our democracy. Or the preservation of, as Benjamin Franklin said, "a republic — if you can keep it."

But that's only because of history's most famous whistleblower. If it weren't for him (and we think it's a him), we wouldn't know anything about that phone call or the Trumpsters' concerted campaign to get the newly elected government of Ukraine to "play ball" on Vladimir Putin's cherished goal: Blaming Ukraine for interference in the 2016 US election, instead of Russia.

Putin, who has already invaded and annexed part of Ukraine, wants Ukraine to be the bad guy. And in pressuring Zelensky not just to investigate Joe Biden but to perpetuate a baseless conspiracy theory about who was really responsible for 2016, Benedict Donald is obviously doing the bidding of Vlad.

At the beginning of July, The New Yorker published a way-too-long article (is there any other kind?) about Hunter Biden, and whether his life story was going to endanger his father's Presidential hopes. Knowing that Hunter is the wayward Biden child — unlike Beau, who was the straight-arrow star — we cats saw that story and said to ourselves, Oh, God, here we go. But we were wrong. Now we thank God that Hunter had business in Ukraine. Because if he hadn't, Benedict Donald would never have gone down this impeachable path. We cats PURR.

That Zelensky Moment

By Hubie and Bertie

Check out the look on the face of Ukraine's president, Volodymyr Zelensky, as he nervously eyes Benedict Donald (who, as always, is perched like he's sitting on a toilet). Worse than a hostage video, it's closer to a beheading video — or would be, if any of the victims in those videos had known what was coming to them.

Oh, God, what is he going to say now? Welcome, Mr. Zelensky, to Americans' everyday reality.

But here's a cheery note to savor: It looks as if Trump has had a fright of his own. The New York Times reports that he was unprepared for Nancy Pelosi's endorsement of impeachment yesterday, because he had called her to schmooze about the whistleblower that very morning. Pelosi cut him off. "Mr. President," she said, "you have come into my wheelhouse."

Surprise! Perhaps the world now knows Benedict Donald's true Achilles' heel (aside from everything he is, says and does). He has deliciously underestimated the first House Speaker with intelligence community expertise. And on top of that, she's a woman, you know.

Later, Donald pouted. As far as he was concerned, he declared, Nancy Pelosi "is no longer Speaker of the House."

Considering that Trump is goosing reporters to ask Mike Pence about his own involvement in this treachery, perhaps he's right. Soon, Pelosi might not be "Madam Speaker" but "Madam President." We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Impeachment Edition

By Zamboni

What a day! So many observations knocking around in our furry heads. Shall we dive right in?

Best line we've seen on social media so far: "Impeachment may be the first thing Donald Trump has ever earned." Well played, sir!

For the first time since we cats can't remember when, we agree with Chuck Todd. Yes, he really shut down Republican Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana on MTP Daily, but more memorable than that was his swift reaction to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi's statement at 5 PM. "This was an address to the nation." Absolutely.

Glad to see that everyone realizes that what we want to see is the whistleblower complaint they're withholding, not a White House transcript that can be doctored faster than a weather map.

Finally, we did a serious flashback on Florida Governor Lawton Chiles and Jeb Bush today. Bear with us while we explain. In his famous 1994 gubernatorial debate with Bush, Chiles warned the Republican whipper-snapper that "the old He-coon walks just before the light of day." Jeb was flummoxed, native Floridians guffawed, and the race was over.

Lawton was saying, don't count me out, son. Before today, so many pundits and politicos, including people we respect, had hammered Nancy Pelosi for "failing to launch" — when, it appears, the Speaker knew what she was doing all along. Unlike the Mueller report, Ukraine-gate is a simple story of Benedict Donald betraying his oath, and it's taking place practically in real time. Folks out in flyover country will get it. And the so-called vulnerable freshman Democrats whom Pelosi is bent on protecting have decided they don't need protection after all.

Write Pelosi off at your peril. She is a She-coon. We cats PURR.

16-Year-Old Future Nobel Laureate Trolls 73-Year-Old Future Convicted Felon

Death Stare

Greta Thunberg knows she's looking at a guy whose greed and perfidy are stealing her future. Yet think about how warmly President Hillary Clinton would have greeted her. We cats HISS.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Last Sunday In The Summer Edition

By Miss Kubelik

We cats feel the impeachment clouds gathering. Yeah, really, we do. We've been watching Speaker Pelosi carefully, knowing that she's letting Trump's crimes build to a crescendo — because timing is everything. This Ukraine conference call could be the thing that pushes it over. After all, the word "bribery" actually appears in the Constitution — as in, something Presidents aren't supposed to do.

In the meantime, a few ideas are kicking around in our heads. We'll share them before we have our midnight snack.

Do the Trumpsters want Elizabeth Warren to win the Democratic nomination? It's a question to ponder. If you get five of them in a room, you'll probably get five different opinions on that. After initially discounting her candidacy, we cats have been impressed with her campaign (and now she's two points up on Joe Biden in Iowa). But it was Biden who had the media moment this weekend. Stay tuned.

By the way, we're sick and tired of reporters allowing Trump to yank their chains. Biden is right. Instead of asking him about Hunter (a story that's already been debunked), they should ask Trump why he was attempting to bribe a foreign leader, and why he's blocking the whistleblower complaint from going to Congress. That is the story.

We're rooting for Greta Thunberg to get the Nobel Peace Prize. Especially since convicted felon Dinesh D'Souza is on Twitter trying to liken Greta to the Nazis. (Something about blonde braids.) And of course Benedict Donald would be furious if she won. Can we write a letter or send an email or something?

Hooray! Arab lawmakers in Israel have come out in support of Benny Gantz as the next Prime Minister — and Benjamin Netanyahu is, as we expected, behaving like the vicious toddler he is. Arabs are "stealing the election," Netanyahu screamed, because they want to "destroy us all." Take note, Americans, because this is exactly how Benedict Donald will conduct himself should he lose next year.

Finally, tomorrow is the first day of fall. Just one more autumn until we can boot the Trump traitors and quislings out of office. We don't know yet who the Democratic nominee will be, but we can all focus on some Senate races in the meantime. Consider a donation to Amy McGrath in Kentucky, Sara Gideon in Maine, Mark Kelly in Arizona or Jaime Harrison in South Carolina — great candidates all. We cats PURR.

Unqualified (With Or Without Turban)

By Zamboni

We cats have this feeling that Megan McCain is not long for "The View." Not that we watch it, mind you — we just run across tweets and news flashes when she acts up on the set, which seems to be quite often. (Wearing strange turbans included.)

Now, McCain has walked off the set after an altercation with Ana Navarro, who had the nerve to tell Megan to stop yelling at her. From what we hear, she returned eventually — but gee, if you needed evidence that McCain was elevated to a position that she couldn't handle just because of her last name, this was it. (Not unlike Ivanka Trump trying to horn in on that world-leader conversation at the G-20, and getting brutally cut for it.)

The most striking thing about the McCain-Navarro dust-up is that we instantly knew which side we were on. There was a time not so long ago when we would have said "a pox on both your houses." Today, in the time of Trump, there's no question: Go, Ana! We cats PURR.

Whistleblower Madness

By Sniffles

Forgive us cats if we're repeating what you've already read in the wonderful world of the Interwebs, but we have a few baseline observations about Whistleblowergate. Ready? Let's go.

The whistleblower is surely a single individual. But this whole thing is more than one person. This is a concerted effort by a group — who knows how large — of intelligence community professionals who have had enough of Benedict Donald's perfidy and treason. Which is a good thing. But no single person could be leaking so strategically to so many news outlets. It takes a village.

On that note, it's interesting how the leaks about the story have been judiciously spread around over the last week. The Washington Post, The New York Times and, now, The Wall Street Journal have all been afforded scoops, day after day. Who's next up, The Los Angeles Times? It's possible. Whoever is behind this unmasking of Trump's treason, being effectively blocked from going to Congress, is relying on the media — not just the "liberal media" — and is doing it systemically and methodically.

As for impeachment? Well! We remember that Nancy Pelosi said you had to get all your evidence first — and, most important, you had to have the American people behind the idea. So tonight we're wondering if folks on Main Street will understand that it's wrong to withhold foreign aid to an ally unless that ally digs up dirt on a domestic political opponent.

We think they'll get it — after all, did the folks who ended up supporting impeachment in 1974 really understand what obstruction of justice was all about? In this case, maybe clear-thinking Americans will decide they hate the idea of impugning a former Vice President who just lost his other son.

The only thing that's missing here, obviously, is the Republican Party's willingness to be patriots first, partisans second. Sadly, we're not seeing a lot of Barry Goldwaters, Hugh Scotts and John Rhodeses in today's GOP crowd. We cats wait and watch, and in the meantime, we HISS.

That Was Then, This Was Now?

By Baxter

Back when we cats were kittens, we were in a high school talent show. One of the acts was a performance of this 1953 novelty song (originated by a Canadian group, we might add) by two good friends of ours — who sang it in turbans, flowing robes and brownface.

It was more than 40 years ago, in front of an all-white and very appreciative audience. Everyone loved our friends' performance and thought the song was hilarious. Nobody questioned their costuming. But we cats have thought about it often lately, as politicians in the US have been caught in old photos sporting makeup that spoofs racial minorities.

Now, a similar picture of Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has surfaced from a 2001 "Arabian Nights" party. He immediately met with reporters on his campaign plane and said the following: "This was something I shouldn't have done many years ago. It was something that I didn't think was racist at the time, but now I recognize it was something racist to do. And I am deeply sorry."

We don't know why this Trudeau photo is just coming to light now, or if he knew or remembered that it existed or, if he did, why he didn't get out in front of it earlier. But he's put into very simple words how we now feel about our friends' performance of "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)." Can you imagine someone in 2019 doing the same thing with Bombay and Mumbai — dressed like, say, Mahatma Gandhi? Nope. A teachable moment. We cats switch our tails, and think.

What Nice People.

By Sniffles

Every now and then it hits you like a wave — how genuinely awful Republicans, and especially Trumpsters, are.

Such as, you wouldn't even want to get behind them in line in the grocery store. See one coming your way on the sidewalk, and you run screaming across the street. The latest batch of reprobates, we're sorry to say, is particularly striking.

There's the newly-former GOP State Senator from Pennsylvania who was arrested for having child porn on his phone. That's just one small step down from abusing a 13-year-old with Jeffrey Epstein, you know? We weren't surprised when we heard he was a Republican. And if you check his Senate record, you see lots of interesting votes, like "yes" on protecting juvenile victims of human trafficking and on boosting interception of electronic communications. Oh, the irony!

Then we have a dude in Rhode Island who's pleaded guilty to threatening to go all Jeffrey Dahmer on a Harvard professor who supports reproductive rights. Matthew Haviland — a Trumpster, of course — expressed a particular interest in eating the professor's eyeballs. Haviland looks kind of like a harmless goof (see above), but he obviously isn't — since he could be hauled off to the hoosegow for up to five years. Good riddance.

Finally there's Trump himself, who never lets a day go by without acting like an ass. The latest is his reaction to the death of journalist Cokie Roberts. The Speaker of the House and the 44th President of the United States issued somber statements of appreciation. Trump said, "I never met her. She never treated me nicely."

Oh, Benedict Donald, STFU. We cats are not unbridled fans of Cokie Roberts, but does everything really have to be about you? How we long for a President who acts like a grownup. You make us hack up giant hairballs, and we HISS.

Answered Prayers?

By Hubie and Bertie

Could it be? Could Benjamin Netanyahu really not have been able to achieve a majority government in Israeli's election today?

Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease let it be true!

Netanyahu is one of the world leaders we most despise. (You don't have to ask who's first on the list.) And if the exit polls that we're seeing in Israel hold, it'll be interesting to observe Bibi's behavior. We expect it to be extraordinarily Trumpian — whining, throwing tantrums, blaming the press, alleging voter fraud. There are hints that he's already started. It will surely foreshadow Benedict Donald's reaction should we defeat him next year.

But we're waiting for the real stuff. A lot of people lie to exit pollsters.

By the way, turnout in Israel today was close to 70 percent. You know, if we could get anywhere close to that in 2020, all will be right with the world. We cats PURR.

Suggestion Box.

By Miss Kubelik

We cats can't bring ourselves to watch the Democratic debates, mostly because we can't stand the punditheads and media pretty boys who moderate it. They totally buy into Republican talking points when they ask their questions, so why should we bother?

Unless, of course, the DNC decided to invite subject matter experts as moderators — not blow-dried idiots like David Muir.

We're thinking Fred Guttenberg on gun violence, Madeleine Albright on foreign policy, Sarah Kendzior on America's slide into autocracy, and Cecile Richards on reproductive rights and healthcare. Would that be possible? If so we cats would be glued to the set.

Moderators like these would ask the questions that need to be asked. And maybe we'd get the answers that America needs to hear. If that happens, we cats would PURR.

(PHOTO: Getty Images)

Whatever Works.

By Hubie and Bertie

Look, everybody: There's no guarantee that America will have a free and fair election next year. We're seeing alarming reports about Russian penetration into voter registration data in swing states — and the Republicans, traitors all, are doing nothing to protect us. So we have to go after these Quislings with all the ammunition we have.

Which is why we're thrilled that New York State prosecutors have subpoenaed Benedict Donald's tax returns going back to 2011. The target: payments to Stormy Daniels to hush her up about Trump's tiny dick. (Oops, did we say that?) But who knows what else they'll find? Quite a treasure trove about the Trump crime syndicate, we think.

We cannot let Trump enablers in the GOP squawk about process here. Screw them. We need to pour as much fire onto the enemy as we possibly can. Whatever brings the bastards down, will bring them down. The very future of the American experiment in democracy is at stake.

So if Trump is impeached or convicted — or not impeached or convicted and run out of office on a rail, we'll see — because he paid $130,000 to Stormy Daniels and not because he colluded with Vladimir Putin to destroy the US? We'll take it. As long as we prevail. Afterward, history will judge him for the rest. We cats PURR.

Okay, But This Should Be A Cat

By Zamboni

We cats can remember a time, not so long ago, when Republican talking heads like David Frum, Jennifer Rubin and Ana Navarro really made us hack up hairballs. How amazing is it that today, in our Great Trumpian Darkness, we find ourselves eagerly turning to their comments and their tweets. They are truly outraged at Benedict Donald, and they never stop saying so.

Here's an example that reminded us anew: Ana has tweeted that she met up with Joe Biden today in Miami. Joe Biden! Did Navarro, newly married to the former chairman of the Florida Republican Party, for God's sake, ever envision a day when she'd seek out the current front-runner for the Democratic nomination? And did we ever imagine that she'd look up at him with such an adoring smile?

Here's what she wrote: 

"Chacha met her Uncle Joe Biden in Miami today. We both think America should never again elect (even though not by the popular vote) a President who is not capable of showing affection to animals. It’s a bad, bad sign." (We don't know what that "Uncle" bit is about, but once again, we completely agree.)

There will come a time when Ana and her ilk make us hack up hairballs again. In fact, we can't wait — because it will mean things are back to normal. In the meantime, we say: Way to go, girl. We cats PURR.

Cain Is Unable

By Baxter

You've probably heard about Briscoe Cain, a Republican state representative from Texas who fired off a threatening tweet to Beto O'Rourke last night that was a creepy echo of the Bobby Kennedy assassination. The O'Rourke campaign has reported Cain to the FBI.

Personally, we think that another tweep's characterization of an AR-15 as a "high-powered penis substitute" hilariously hijacked the conversation. But Beto, whatever his chances for the 2020 Democratic nomination, is definitely saying things that need to be said.

And Beto has history on his side here. Australia famously instituted a gun buyback program after a 1996 massacre of 35 people in Port Arthur, raking in 650,000 weapons in the process. Afterward, the country's rates of both murder and suicide dropped dramatically.

Yes, the Australian government at the time was center-right, and as we all know, only Nixon could go to China. But the NRA isn't what it used to be, and we're sensing an important shift in the national gun debate. Briscoe Cain's AR-15 might indeed be a penis substitute, and his pro-gun bluster a thing of the past. We cats PURR.

We Had The Bullhorn. Where's The Bully Pulpit?

By Sniffles

It's "only" been 18 years, but how things have changed since the Twin Towers first fell.

Osama bin Laden is dead (thanks, President Obama), a new tower has risen, and calming fountains fill the old towers' footprints. On the other hand, a few things are the same. We're still in Afghanistan, for example.

But the biggest change is in the Republican Party. Having once demanded fealty to the heroes of 9/11, they now couldn't care less.

How do we know? Today, Republicans in the North Carolina State Legislature promised their Democratic colleagues that no important votes would be taken during a September 11 memorial event. And then, once the Democrats had trooped off to commemorate, they promptly overrode the Democratic Governor's veto of the state budget.

In short, the hell with honoring the victims of 9/11! We must slash money for schools behind the Democrats' backs!

Decent people everywhere have expressed outrage at this. But you know who it would be especially nice to hear from? George W. Bush. That's right, the former Worst Person Who's Ever Lived — at least until Benedict Donald came along — needs to say something.

It was Bush who stood on the rubble pile with that stupid bullhorn, pledging to hunt down the 9/11 perpetrators and to always remember the dead. Sure, he was a hypocrite about a lot of it — invading a country that didn't attack us, for example. But we sure would appreciate it if he could tear himself away from his third-rate artist's easel for five minutes and condemn this. Until he does, we cats HISS.

Drive Them Crazy

Former CIA agent Valerie Plame is running for Congress in New Mexico. Her launch ad is getting a lot of attention. The operative word appears to be "Badass." We cats PURR.

FDR At Home, August 1944

You can argue with a lot of what FDR did. Japanese-American internment is probably at the top of the list. But OMG, how fabulous to know he was at the helm during the Depression and World War II. We cats PURR.

2020? Or 2024?

By Hubie and Bertie

There are so many reasons to impeach Benedict Donald that we cats have lost count. However, we're aware that impeachment is not merely a legal proceeding — it's a political one as well. Therefore, unlike a lot of tweeps, we've been very patient with Speaker Pelosi's approach to the subject: You have to build your case.

It seems, though, that Trump's emoluments violations may have proved the tipping point. It's alarming that he's conscripted the US military into his corruption, because — we think — he sees the military as his backstop should he lose big in 2020 and subsequently refuse to vacate the White House. But is it possible that Trump could be impeached and removed before next November's vote?

Color us skeptical. The Founders' system of checks and balances is ingenious, but it's not built for speed. Still and all, we should consider the possibility. Trump's behavior is so erratic lately that anything could happen between now and this time next year.

Meanwhile, three Republicans have decided to primary Trump next year: Bill Weld, Joe Walsh, and now, Mark Sanford — despite the GOP's decision to scrap Presidential primaries and caucuses in four states. But we suspect it's all about positioning for 2024 — the first election after Trump goes down in flames (we hope).

Assuming that he does, that we clear-thinking Americans get our country back, and that the Republican Party doesn't instantly implode, here's what we could be looking at five years from now.

There will be at least three lanes in the GOP: the Mike Pence lane, the "real" Trump lane (i.e., far, far to the right of Pence), and the Party of Lincoln lane (the few folks in the party who want to restore a semblance of normalcy). So let's play a game in the meantime: In which lane is each of the declared anti-Trump 2020 candidates running?

We think Sanford and Weld are in the Party of Lincoln lane. Walsh is in the "real" lane. Nobody's in the Pence lane — not even Pence.

This, of course, will all change multiple times, so don't hold us to it. First, Pence will be tarred by his obsequious spending at Trump properties and whatever else the House uncovers in its ongoing Russia investigations. Second, many potential candidates lurk in the wings: Haley, Flake, Romney, Sasse, Amash, and God knows who else.

What we can be certain of is that the Republican Party will be grappling with suffocating fallout from the political shitshow to end all shitshows. We cats aren't usually profane, but there's no other way to describe the era of Trump. And we PURR.

Statements From Former Directors Of The National Weather Service And The National Hurricane Center

We are truly in Orwellian territory, everybody. We cats HISS.

UPDATE: In a tweet, the President of the National Weather Service Employees Organization stated, "Let me assure you the hardworking employees of the NWS had nothing to do with the utterly disgusting and disingenuous tweet sent out by NOAA management tonight."

The Dregs

By Zamboni

Here are two interesting items from the news — both of which could epitomize the sorry state of politics these days:

1. Coffee Man has decided not to run for President in 2020. We cats figured he was toast when he came out with that back-injury excuse a few months ago. But unsettlingly, we knew he always lurked in the background and threatened to disrupt our morning beverage of choice (since obviously we'd have to boycott his product). Today, however, he made it official.

Obviously, this is good news, but it came with a twist. First, we couldn't help noticing that tweeps were far more worried about Steve Schmidt's career than about Coffee Man, wondering if and when Schmidt would return to Pundit World. Also, what was that February town hall all about, CNN? Talk about totally undeserved. You really have egg (or would that be coffee grounds?) on your face.

2. As part of its latest rejection of democracy, the Republican Party is moving to cancel its 2020 primaries and caucuses in four states — South Carolina, Nevada, Kansas and Arizona — in order to pave an easier renomination path for Benedict Donald. It's disturbing for many reasons, but consider this little-recognized possible consequence.

There's always a danger in scrapping a caucus or primary. It can get party loyalists in the canceled states out of the habit of voting, which can lower turnout in subsequent primary and general elections. And the affected states may also find it more difficult to resurrect their primary or caucus for 2024.

Cancellations could affect certain cohorts of candidates. For example, conservative candidates may find a revived Kansas caucus will be harder to organize and have less of an impact. Hispanic candidates may find the same with Nevada.

But who cares if the party is weakened? What's important is rolling out the red carpet for King Sharpie, right? We cats HISS.

Hair-Raising

By Miss Kubelik

One of the best books we've ever read is When the Cheering Stopped, by Gene Smith, about the final decade of Woodrow Wilson's life.

Smith chronicled Wilson's second marriage to Edith Bolling Galt, his triumphant visit to Europe to forge peace after World War I, and the shattering stroke that he suffered 100 years ago next month as he campaigned across the country for America's entry into the League of Nations. It was the stuff of novels, and it read like one.

Smith makes it clear just how much the White House deceived Congress and the American people about Wilson's physical condition from late 1919 until the end of his term. Did Edith Wilson essentially play President? Yes, when circumstances warranted, but what she mostly did was fiercely protect her husband. Nobody, especially Wilson's enemies, could know how disabled he was and interfere with his recovery.

More recently, the acolytes surrounding Ronald Reagan in his not-great second term surely helped conceal his advancing Alzheimer's. But we'll probably have to wait for another historian — hopefully with the writing talent of Gene Smith — to ferret out the details and set it down. More time will have to pass in which the concealers will feel willing to talk. (Maybe soon, though, now that Nancy is dead.)

Which leaves us with Benedict Donald. He's given this #Sharpiegate story legs for days now. But we're not sure what it's about. Does he have syphilis? Dementia? Or does he just live in a demented world?

Whatever the answer, this White House has been concealing more nefariousness than the amount of ice that's melted in the Arctic. And it's got to be far scarier than Edith Wilson signing Woodrow's name to a few letters. Assuming the Trump nightmare will ever end — and we're cautiously confident it will — the stories we'll hear in the decades to come will stand all our hairs on end. We cats HISS.

Montreal 360

Not a construction cone in sight, but otherwise these four minutes of speedy video definitely capture Montreal. Bon travail, Andrew Andreoli!

Broken Britain

By Baxter

With Hurricane Dorian swirling off the coast of Florida and the Carolinas battening down, you might be forgiven for failing to notice that the government of the United Kingdom is in shambles. But pay attention at least for a few minutes, because we cats are about to make a comparison.

Malevolent mophead Boris Johnson lost a critical vote in Parliament today when 21 members of his own Conservative Party, claiming that it would decimate the British economy worse than Dorian devastated the Bahamas, fought back on a no-deal Brexit. The group included eight — count 'em — eight former Cabinet ministers. And that was after a Conservative MP cost Johnson his majority by defecting to the Liberal Democrats, pointedly crossing the floor as Johnson was in the middle of a speech to Commons. (See video for the magic moment, above.)

Johnson has vowed to eject the 21 from the party, and that, folks, is the stuff of drama. Our poor Congress has nothing to compare. (What would you suggest, Ted Cruz's stagy reading of Green Eggs and Ham?)

But as wild as things are over there, we can't help thinking that we could use a similar dose of crazy in DC. Floor-crosser Phillip Lee has more guts than Susan Collins, Mitt Romney, Ben Sasse, Rob Portman, Lamar Alexander, Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio combined. Add those 21 Tory rebels and you've got more moxie than the entire Republican Party.

Come on, GOP — it's time for some of that British backbone! But since it'll never happen, we cats HISS.

R.P. Time

We cats can find absolutely nothing positive in the news today. The Bahamas are probably destroyed, Mike Pence is violating the Constitution, and Benedict Donald not only thinks the hurricane is going to hit Alabama, he's congratulating Poland on the 80th anniversary of the Nazi invasion that started World War II. There's nothing else to do but post red pandas! See you tomorrow.

School Days, School Days

By Sniffles

Happy Labor Day Weekend! (Or, as they say in Canada, Labour Day.) It's the official end of summer and time for back to school. And this morning, we cats are noticing something interesting on the social media thingy. Parents are tweeting about the criteria they and their kids are using to choose a college or university.

No going to school in a state with lax gun laws, like open carry. That leaves out, for example, Rice University or the University of Texas at Austin. (And yesterday's shooting in Odessa is an uncomfortable reminder of that.)

No earning a college degree in states that don't protect reproductive rights. So forget about the University of Nebraska, Brigham Young, Purdue or Ohio State.

States that make it harder for university students to vote should also be crossed off the list. Republican Governor Chris Sununu will have to answer when attendance falls at the University of New Hampshire.

So, here's a suggestion for American parents: If you're finding it impossible to select a college in a state that allows your child to live like a free human being, perhaps consider Canada? McGill University in Montreal is the alma mater of both William Shatner, Leonard Cohen and Justin Trudeau. Might be cheaper, too. We cats PURR.