But...The Right Wing WILL Hate This Ad

We're still trying to figure this out: Why is the RNC upset with MSNBC? We are talking about the political party that's home to people like Richard Cebull, right? The kind of folks who fly the Confederate flag outside the White House?

We just wanted to check — because if the Republican Party that's so offended today is the same Republican Party that's trying to gut voting rights in the states, then we're stumped. Clearly, they're just trying to score points against a network they hate. We cats HISS.

A Great Response To The "Republican Response"

Happy Days Are Here Again — And It's All Cootchy's Fault

By Miss Kubelik

The exciting political news keeps rolling out of Virginia. Yes, we know the State of the Union address is tonight — and that coke-head Republican Congressman from Southwest Florida has resigned — and that Greta Van Susteren and Erick Erickson are in a cat fight. But right now, our eyes are trained on the Old Dominion.

Democrats are taking control of the state Senate at noon today, thanks to last fall's election of a tie-breaking Lieutenant Governor, Ralph Northam, and a subsequent special election to fill Northam's former Senate seat that we just won by eleven votes. Don't tell us cats that every vote doesn't count!

When the state Senate convenes today, we'll find out how Democrats plan to handle committee assignments, and whether Northam will use his vote to help determine them. If he does, Republicans will be very mad — even though that's exactly what they did when their guy was Lieutenant Governor.

Meanwhile, Governor Terry McAuliffe has declined to appoint a special prosecutor to defend Virginia's unconstitutional ban on marriage equality. As you can imagine, GOP legislators — led by a nutcase delegate from here in Prince William County — are sputtering in fury.

Surveying the Republican wreckage, we cats can't help thinking back to our favorite right-wing punching bag, Ken "Fetuses Should Be Able To Get Married, Too" Cuccinelli.

Just think: If the Cootch had stuck to his pledge not to run for Governor in 2013 — but wait his turn and run for another four years as Attorney General instead — he now could be re-elected and serving under Republican Governor Bill Bolling. He'd be gleefully closing more abortion clinics and denying more and more gay Virginians their rights.

But what's he got? The Macker in the Executive Mansion, Democrats in control of the Senate, and a permanent place in the political wilderness. We cats PURR.

Rand Paul Knocks Four Years Off Monica Lewinsky's Age, Tries To Make Her A Minor

By Zamboni

Rand Paul tried to score some backhand political points against Hillary Clinton yesterday by talking about Monica Lewinsky.

We cats thought, Monica Lewinsky? Who's Monica Lewinsky? And then it dawned on us — ohhhhh, that Monica Lewinsky.

"I think really the media seems to have given President Clinton a pass on this," Paul bleated. "He took advantage of a girl that was 20 years old and an intern in his office."

This living-in-the-past quote is funny and desperate on so many levels that we cats aren't sure where to start. So we'll stick with the Senator's most obvious, glaring error: Ms. Lewinsky may have been many things back in 1998, but 20 years old was not one of them.

The Republicans would love it if, on top of everything else they've called him, Bill Clinton were a pedophile. But he isn't. Heck, he's even getting awards from children's hospitals now. We cats PURR.

UPDATE: Note to President Clinton: We suggest you double down on whatever campaign and fundraising help you're planning to give Alison Lundergan Grimes against Mitch McConnell. Make Rand Paul come back to Kentucky, to try to save the career of the Senate colleague he hates.

A Shocking Consequence Of "Education Freedom"

By Sniffles

Oh, dear. The white boys in the Ron-Paul-run Iowa Republican Party are feeling beleaguered again. Why else would they have posted on their Facebook page a "flowchart" explaining who's a racist and who isn't? (For a better look, click here.)

Clearly, Republicans feel burdened by what they consider an unfair, outrageous brand — but nevertheless, the state party rushed to take the flowchart down as soon as possible. An embarrassing end to one of the GOP's worst weeks ever.

Still, while the flowchart is pathetic, we don't find it nearly as objectionable as the statement by the Iowa party chair. "We apologize to those whom were offended," A.J. Spiker said. What?

Look, we cats know that "who" and "whom" confuse a lot of people. But this is just so clearly wrong. (Ah, well. What can you expect from a home-schooling advocate? We cats HISS.)

Republicans Rejigger Their 2016 Calendar, Meh

By Baxter

Just a fast post tonight to ask why, oh why, when the media cover the Republican National Committee's decision to condense their Presidential nominating calendar for 2016, no one ever explains the reason the GOP convention was pushed back so late in the first place.

Because in 2004, when they renominated the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived, they wanted it to coincide with the anniversary of September 11. That's right: The Republicans wanted to milk as much PR as they could from the deaths of nearly 3,000 people — deaths the Worst Person could have tried to prevent, but didn't.

That is obscene. And it's equally obscene that nobody seems to be reporting it. We cats HISS.

(P.S. The GOP's reasoning is faulty, anyway. “If Mitt had been nominated on July 1 versus September 1, the chance of him being President would be exponentially higher," claimed a committeeman from Massachusetts. How? By giving Mitt eight more weeks of vacation? By allowing him to squander two more months of money on untargeted ad buys and inadequate web applications? Somehow, we think not.)

Stop The Week. The GOP Wants To Get Off.

By Zamboni

A full year after the last time the Republican Party met and performed its since-ignored "autopsy," the GOP has just closed out what has to be one of its worst weeks in history.

Even we cats are agog at the crap that's hit them lately. Of course, all of it is their fault, and, in our humble opinion, completely deserved — but, still. Let's review the latest, shall we?

• Fat Mike Huckabee gave us another priceless War On Women newsclip, pontificating about something he knows absolutely nothing about. (Sex.)
• Steve Pearce jumped on that bandwagon, too, declaring in a new book that women should submit to their husbands. Hm.
• Anti-choicers froze to death, trying to "march for life" in Washington's subzero temperatures.
• A famous Republican child-porn enthusiast killed himself.
• Former Virginia Governor "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell and his greedy, Stella-Dallas-reincarnated wife were indicted and arraigned on 14 federal charges.
• The ever-creepy Eric Cantor pledged to rush his "no federal funds for baby killing" bill to the House floor, jumping it to the head of the line while millions of Americans languish without an unemployment insurance extension.
• Virginia Republicans went all tinfoil-hatty over Attorney General Mark Herring's decision not to defend the Old Dominion's ban on gay marriage. "I don't know what the difference between a dictatorship and this is," one state senator screamed. Did he miss last fall's election?
• The Christie parade marched on — with new subpoenas issued and Ken "Fetuses Should Get EZPass Priority" Cuccinelli calling for Christie to "step aside" as head of the Republican Governors Association.
• Haley Barber called Hoboken's Dawn Zimmer a "lady mayor."
• And last but not least, Netflix began streaming the new documentary, "Mitt" — a painful reminder to Republicans of their not-so-glorious recent past. We should all as lucky as Mrs. 47 Percent, "consoled only by her horses." What?

Have a great weekend, GOP! We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Daily Kos)

(UPDATE: Goodness gracious, how could we cats have overlooked the dramatic indictment of the repellent Dinesh D'Souza on campaign finance fraud? This was one of the most satisfying events of the week! We hope Dinesh has lots of horses to console him.)

The State Of The McDonnells

By Miss Kubelik

News flash on Virginia's newly indicted former Republican Governor, "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell: T-Bob turned down an offer from federal prosecutors that would have let his squeezing. wrenching, grasping, clutching, covetous cheerleader wife off the legal hook.

How very interesting. Not because we cats think that Maureen is the sole culprit in L'Affaire McDonnell, but because under the offered deal, T-Bob would only have had to plead to a single count of felony fraud. A lot simpler than both of them getting hauled up on 14 charges. Hm!

On the eve of their arraignment — which these self-entitled people tried and failed to put off — we cats are now wondering which McDonnell will rat out the other McDonnell first.

We also were thinking that once everything is said and done, they might end up getting a divorce. But given their sorry financial state, we doubt T-Bob and the grifter could afford to split up and live apart. Maybe Maureen will move in with one of the daughters. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: The one dress that Jonnie Williams didn't buy. We cats are reminded that former US First Lady Rosalynn Carter bought her inaugural ball gown off the rack in 1971 in Americus, Georgia. Mrs. Carter's lack of pretension — especially in light of Maureen McDonnell's pathetic greed — is, in hindsight, refreshing.)

Only A Real Princess Can Pull This Off

By Sniffles

We cats promised more posts on the indictment of Virginia's former Republican Governor, "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell, and his fake-blonde wife Maureen on 14 felony counts — and we will not disappoint.

Today's theme: What's the cheesiest revelation in the juicy 43-pager that federal prosecutors issued yesterday?

Was it Maureen's frantic plea to a staffer about how she and Transvaginal Bob had no money, and that the inaugural clothing budget was going to break them? Or maybe the photo of Transvaginal Bob behind the wheel of a $200,000 Ferrari that Maureen gleefully e-mailed to Jonnie Williams, the car's owner? Perhaps it was the buying, selling and subsequent re-buying of Star Scientific stock — carefully timed so that Transvaginal Bob would not have to report any of it? Or the eye-popping list of goodies that the McDonnells will have to surrender if they're convicted?

It's a feast of sensory overload, seamy and wonderful. But if we cats had to choose, we'd pick Maureen McDonnell's frantic effort in early 2013 to return all the clothes Jonnie Williams bought her on that now-infamous, $15,000 New York shopping spree — and the lie she concocted to cover the spree up.

To Jonnie she writes: "I truly hope your daughter will now be able to enjoy these lovely outfits and show them off on many grand occasions. If not, I'm sure there are many exemplary charitable organizations like we talked about [emphasis ours] who [sic] would welcome the opportunity to auction them for a wonderful cause, having been worn only once by the first lady of Virginia to her daughter's wedding at the Executive Mansion and celebrating her 35th wedding anniversary with the Governor."

This is beyond hilarious — first, that the daughter of a wealthy man would want to wear (or would fit in) Maureen's sweaty cast-offs, no matter how expensive they were. Second, that any charity would build a fundraising auction around those same sweaty cast-offs. It is low, laughable, and grandiose — all at the same time.

If Lloyd Bentsen were still around, he'd say this to Maureen McDonnell:

"Maureen, I knew Princess Diana. Princess Diana was a friend of mine. And you, Maureen, are no Princess Diana."

We cats PURR.

Cootchy Speaks... About Someone Else's Governor

By Baxter

We cats are so excited! The feds have finally indicted Virginia's former Republican Governor, "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell, and his squeezing, wrenching, grasping, clutching, covetous cheerleader wife, Maureen. Fourteen counts of greed, duplicity, mendacity and wealth-envy. Hooray!

Yes, we had to wait longer than we thought, but it was worth it. The 43-page document from the grand jury makes for some amazing (if smarmy) reading. If we cats took showers, we'd grab another one — but we'll have to be satisfied with some extra grooming instead.

There are so many interesting nuggets to discuss that we're afraid it's going to take way more than one post. For example, it's now obvious why Maureen wore a cheap bedspread to Transvaginal Bob's inaugural gala. (Although she was begging for a New York shopping spree, Jonnie Williams didn't give her one until after they were in office.) We also loved all the selling and buying of Jonnie Williams stock, timed so that investigators would be thrown off the scent. (They weren't.)

But today, we are most fascinated by the fact that McDonnell's would-be successor, Ken "Fetuses Deserve New York Shopping Sprees, Too" Cuccinelli chose today of all days to speak out about that other former GOP "golden boy," Chris Christie. The Cootch says Christie should step down as head of the Republican Governors Association.

We were wondering when a member of the GOP would be brave enough to say this. Haley Barbour? Rancid Pieface? Ed Gillespie? Nope. Guess you have to be a washed-up politician to stand up to Chris Christie. (Unless you're Dawn Zimmer, the "lady mayor" of Hoboken.)

You know, there are very few things we agree with Cootchy on, but he is completely right about the Republicans' alleged 2016 "savior." What a contrast to the weenies who run his party, and to the cable news celebrities who are going easy on Christie because he's a "friend." Meanwhile, we'd be interested what Cootch, as a Jonnie Williams gift recipient himself, has to say about Transvaginal Bob's and Maureen's legal fix. We know it's not karma, but it's a supremely gratifying case of just deserts.

Fervent Hope: Sochi Games Fall Flat

By Zamboni

We cats still hate the Olympics. Not only are the games overblown, tedious and self-important — the so-called "coverage" of them (translation: NBC News will air countless "news items" that are thinly veiled commercials for their broadcast) is ad-laden and jingoistic.

And if that's not enough, now everyone is running around screaming about terrorism.

Serves Vladimir Putin right. Not that we cats would have been going anyway, and we want all the openly gay athletes who are attending to represent the United States to return home safely. But after all of Pootie's execrable antics — supporting Assad in Syria, equating gays with pederasts, and shielding Edward Snowden (enjoy that free society over there, Ed) — we are hardly crying big tears on his behalf.

Besides, an outstanding American figure skater recently got screwed by the USOC after giving a flawless performance at the championships. What a farce. Tell us again — why should we care about all this?

P.S. This Olympics-related story, however, is kind of fun.

Unintended Consequences

By Miss Kubelik

Goodness gracious, what a confluence of stories out of Oklahoma this week. Yes, Tom Coburn is leaving the Senate, but two other news flashes grabbed our attention, too.

The first one concerned the Sooner State's ban on same-sex marriage. A federal judge struck it down on Tuesday, declaring that it violated the US Constitution. The second one was about a satanic temple in New York, which has asked to erect a statue of Beelzebub on the grounds of the Oklahoma state capitol. Why? Because a marker with the Ten Commandments is already there. First amendment, don'tcha know.

We cats are sure that the teabaggers in Oklahoma would not have these headaches had they not: A) legislated hate into their constitution, and B) endorsed one faith with their silly commandments monument.

Or did they not know that in addition to guaranteeing freedom of speech and the press, the first amendment prohibits the government from establishing a religion? We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Judge Kern's ruling makes us want to leap for joy.)

Philo-mania

By Sniffles

The great Judi Dench was nominated for an Academy Award yesterday. Although this is not an entertainment blog, we cats are using Dame Judi's most recent Oscar nod as the news peg on which to hang our amazing discovery that — when we were kittens — we knew the child at the heart of the film "Philomena."

This is kind of embarrassing, because the book on which the film is based has apparently been out since 2009. But it's taken this long — not to mention the production of a Hollywood movie — to make us realize the connection. We can only say that we've been busy, blogging about the election of America's first African-American President and all the political events that have occurred since.

But Martin Sixsmith's story has hit hard with us, and mostly in a good way. It has cleared up some mysteries we've lived with over the course of our nine lives. And without giving away too many plot points (we hope), it's made us reflect anew on the stunning decline of the Republican Party in the last 35 years.

Oh, sure, they've won Presidential elections. (Or "won," as the case may be.) But year after year, bit by bit, the GOP has painted itself into an impossible electoral corner — clinging to narrow, intolerant policies and positions, even as the country has moved beyond them. Pretty soon, the only people left in the Republican Party will be old, white, straight, male Southerners — business owners, and working men who have been convinced to vote against their own economic interests.

Without (again, we hope) giving too much away, our accent is on the word "straight." We wish we could ask Philomena's son how he feels about his political party today. Since we don't expect him to tell us, perhaps somebody like Ken Mehlman would chime in. Ken Mehlman — who has been strangely silent, not just about this, but about so much else. For that, and for all Republican hypocrisy, we cats HISS.

Chinless Takes It On The Chin

By Baxter

Whenever we cats are busy chasing mice or grooming ourselves, we know that we can always go to our paranoid right-wing friends over at Free Republic for a quick size-up of the GOP political landscape. We were particularly interested in their reaction to former RNC chair Ed Gillespie's announcement that he'll run for Senate in Virginia this year.

Quick note to Chinless Ed: You've got your work cut out for you. Because to get the Republican nomination to run against Mark Warner, you need to sway a state party convention of nutcase teabags who, um, don't like you much.

Here are some of the choicest Freeper comments. We cats PURR.

"We wouldn't still have Obama as POTUS if Gillespie had: 1) not joined in the GOP-E trashing of Sarah Palin, and 2) given Romney such crappy strategic advice as his 'senior adviser' (not that I cared about Romney anyway). So, NO SALE!!!"

"Meh."

"Ed Gillespie has the personality of a wet, used paper napkin, the spine of soggy pasta, and the inspirational ability to be able to put a stadium of rabid Patriot fans to sleep during a Brady two-minute comeback."

"I’m so excited I could go back to sleep."

"I'm voting for Howie Lind at the Convention. Gillespie is just another RINO. We need a choice not an echo."

"Gillespie is running to make sure Warner wins re-election."

"If the GOP cannot offer me Conservative candidates, I will stop voting."

Trenton, You "Clearly" Have A Problem

By Zamboni

There he goes again. In his State of the State speech yesterday, Chris Christie clung to his lame, Reagan-y, Strunk & White-violating dodge, "mistakes were made." Except this time, he added an adverb.

“Mistakes were clearly made,” he said. “And as a result, we let down the people we’re entrusted to serve."

You know what? Even when you throw in the modifier "clearly," "mistakes were made" is still a passive construction. Which means Christie still refuses to  acknowledge, or take any responsibility for, his staff's (and maybe his) heinous act of political terrorism.

Maybe he keeps repeating it because it's all he's got left. But saying "mistakes were clearly made" is "clearly" offensive political speech. And throughout this entire affair, the allegedly beloved Chris Christie tough talk is "clearly" MIA.

(IMAGE: One of Barry Blitt's best, no?)

"Tomorrow's Front Page Is Whatever The Managing Editor Drove Past On His Way To Work"

Chris Christie to the press, January 9, 2014:

“I have had no contact with David Wildstein in a long time, a long time, well before the election. You know, I could probably count on one hand the number of conversations I’ve had with David since he worked at the Port Authority. I did not interact with David.”

Photo obtained by The Wall Street Journal (above):

"Governor Chris Christie is seen with David Wildstein, in red tie, on September 11, 2013, before a ceremony on the 12th anniversary of the 2001 World Trade Center attacks in Manhattan...September 11 was the third day of the lane closures in Fort Lee, New Jersey."

(We cats think maybe it was a bad idea to create a traffic jam that made Journal editors late for work. Any takers on that?)

Books 1, Beacham 0 (and Delgaudio = Dumb)

By Miss Kubelik

Why do we cats not believe a word Eugene Delgaudio says?

"Who?" We'll explain. Eugene Delgaudio is the Sterling District member of the Board of Supervisors in Loudon County, Virginia. He is a Republican and — as you might expect these days — a right-wing nutcase. And he just nominated another whackjob, Andrew Beacham, to the Loudon County library Board of Trustees.

This nomination caused a stir, because in addition to Mr. Beacham's other distasteful qualities, he once tore pages out of a Koran during a demonstration outside the White House. Seems that Delgaudio didn't see a problem with putting a destroyer of books in charge of, well, books. But now pressure has come to bear, and with Delgaudio poised to withdraw his name, Beacham has done him one better and resigned.

Beacham is an idiot. But we're beginning to think he's a tad smarter than Eugene Delgaudio, who swears up and down that he didn't realize that Andrew was Andrew. "I appointed somebody I should've known was active in the national political sphere," he protested. "I didn't know."

Eugene, welcome to the Internet. Or, better yet, Twitter. We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: The Cat Site. "Hey! There's a page missing here!")

Not Even Second-Runner-Up

By Sniffles

Now that Chris Christie's George Washington Bridge scandal has engulfed him, it's amusing to us cats that in their rush to anoint a new GOP "frontrunner," the media keep ignoring the existence of the Republicans' 2008 Vice Presidential nominee.

Dan Balz at The Washington Post is just the latest offender. Hand-wringing over the fact that the press-fav'd New Jersey bully may be permanently wounded — and thus impede pundithead prognostications — Balz scrambles to mention every possible alternative: Perry, Santorum, Huckabee (Huckabee?), Rubio, Cruz, Paul, Ryan.

Well, not every one. Where, oh where, is the famous quitter from Alaska?

Now, we know that omissions like this drive the Freepers and their fellow teabaggers nuts. But that's because they like Sarah Palin. For those reasoned, prudent, clear-thinking Americans who don't (i.e., for the rest of us), it shouldn't be cause for consternation, right? It's just a reflection of how cartoonish she's let herself become... correct?

Well, yes. But also, no. Because invariably, when the pundits do this, they're writing and speaking in terms of how obediently stratified the Republican Party is. "There is no experienced heir apparent with an inside track," Balz says. "Anyone who doubts that Republicans have been a hierarchical institution need only look back at past nomination contests." In that context, the name of John McCain's running-mate should definitely make the list.

Well, we cats will not quibble. The more the Beltway crowd passes Palin over, and the more that establishment Republicans acquiesce to that, the madder the teabags will be. Which makes us cats PURR.

Isn't It A Lovely Day To Get Caught In The Rain?

By Baxter

It just won't stop monsooning here in Virginia, but we agree with our newly sworn-in Governor that we've rarely seen a nicer day. It's good to be Cootchy-free.

And now, please, can we have our Transvaginal Bob McDonnell indictment? The election's over, the transition is over, and it's time for the feds to get on the stick and do what they were ready to do last month.

Do we cats seem greedy? Please forgive us. It's just that after four years of Virginia's chief executive pretending slavery didn't exist and trying to shove ultrasound wands up the women of Virginia, we think it's high time that Transvaginal Bob and his squeezing, wrenching, grasping cheerleader wife get their just deserts.

Oh, and we forgot to mention the fact that our now-former (hooray!) attorney general, Ken "Fetuses Are Better Than Real Babies" Cuccinelli, had to recuse himself from the McDonnell case due to a conflict of interest — forcing the state to hire a law firm (and us taxpayers to foot the bill). It may not be as attention-grabbing as shilling for Antabloc or dictating women's private healthcare decisions, but it's just as maddening.

Ah, well — we cats will let nothing, not even the weather, darken our moods today. We'll just sound a note of caution to the taxpayers of the state of New Jersey: If you get the attorney general Chris Christie wants you to have, be ready to pay for some pretty expensive legal fees yourself.

(PHOTO: Richmond Times-Dispatch)

Yes, New Jersey, You CAN Recall Chris Christie

By Zamboni

We cats have wondered aloud whether the good people of New Jersey could start a petition to recall their lying, conniving, vengeful, petty, bullying Governor, Chris Christie.

After some research by our intrepid loyal correspondents, we are happy to report that — yes! Garden State voters, we think you can!

Here are the key quotes from the New Jersey Statutes:

"The people of this state shall have the power to recall, after at least one year of service in the person's current term of office, any United States Senator or Representative elected from the State, or any State or local elected official in the manner provided herein" (emphasis added by us cats).

"'Elected official' means any person holding the office of United States Senator or member of the United States House of Representatives elected from this State, or any person holding a State or local government office which, under the State Constitution or by law, is filled by the registered voters of a jurisdiction at an election" (emphasis again added by us cats).

"An elected official shall be recalled from office upon the affirmative vote of a majority of those voting on the question of recall at a recall election, which shall have been held after the officeholder shall have served one year of the term of office from which the person is sought to be recalled.

"A recall petition demanding that an election be held for the purpose of deciding whether an elected official shall be recalled from office shall be signed by a number of registered voters of the jurisdiction of the official sought to be recalled equal to at least 25% of the persons registered to vote in that jurisdiction...

"A recall committee shall collect the required number of signatures...within...320 days, when the Governor or a United States Senator is sought to be recalled."

So, Garden State — what are you waiting for? You've got one year! Get the campaign going today! We cats PURR.

"Mistakes Were Made"

By Miss Kubelik

What a fun morning! Watching Chris Christie belatedly fake-apologize to everyone except the reporters whom he mocked and abused for pursuing the George Washington Bridge closure story is a truly hilarious experience.

We can't help but notice Christie's careful, Reaganesque use of the passive tense in certain areas, as well as his silly assertion that this event is not the work environment he's striven to create. Of course it is.

"Blindsided"? "No knowledge or involvement"? If you believe that, we cats have a bridge in New Jersey we can close for you.

UPDATE: "I am not a bully" has eerie but amusing echoes of "I am not a crook." Coincidentally, Richard Nixon was born 101 years ago today. Happy birthday, Tricky Dick! Your political heirs are obviously alive and well, and you must be very proud.

Tidbits and Cat Treats: Christie Cauchemar Edition

By Sniffles

How ironic that a guy who rode to re-election on his response to Superstorm Sandy should now be guilty of a Katrina. Because, yes — thanks to the orchestrated closing of the George Washington Bridge, someone has died.

The sad tale of the elderly Fort Lee woman who was denied a fast response to her medical emergency is, of course, only part of this picture. We haven't yet heard about the little kids who peed in their pants when their school buses got caught in three-hour traffic jams. We haven't yet heard about the people who missed out on job opportunities because they couldn't get to their interviews. We haven't yet heard about the wages lost by employees who were late to work for a week.

We haven't yet heard about all these things — but we will. Because this story has more legs than a centipede. In the meantime, here are a few political thoughts that we've had on this truly amazing day.

Dear Rancid Pieface, now who is surrounded by scandal?

We bet the guys who wrote Double Down are fit to be tied — their silly book needs a major update. And — Robert Gates? Who's that?

How many Republicans have been knocked off the Presidential pedestal just in the last year? 1) Rubio, thanks to his sip of water and teabag anger over immigration; 2) Paul, overshadowed by the Cruz wave, embarrassed by plagiarism, and smothered by blasts on foreign policy from the neocons and The Wall Street Journal; 3) Cruz, from blowback over the disastrous government shutdown; and now, 4) Christie, proven to be a crude, callous, Nixonian bully.

Transvaginal Bob McDonnell must be happy that Christie has blown his "apology" speech off the nation's front pages. Bob probably hopes that it will push his criminal indictment below the fold, too. Nothing like a good scandal in New Jersey to take your mind off Virginia!

In that same vein, a certain closeted Republican from Illinois must be glad for the news reprieve as well. (But we cats are still Schocked, Schocked.)

Christie had one option on handling this correctly today, and he didn't do it. Instead of vanishing, he needed to call a press conference, and rain doom upon the venal fools who work for him. "Bridget Kelly: dead! David Wildstein: dead! David Samson: dead! Bill Baroni: dead! Anyone else involved in this: dead! And I promise the people of New Jersey I will get to the bottom of this!" It would have all been a lie, but better than running and hiding. Just more proof that all bullies are cowards.

Do they have recall elections in New Jersey? We cats PURR.

Child Abuser

"Is it wrong that I'm smiling?" 

—Mysteriously unidentified Christie person, about the manufactured, retaltiatory traffic jam on the George Washington Bridge

"No."

—David Wildstein, Christie's top guy at the Port Authority of New York & New Jersey

"I feel badly about the kids."

—Mysteriously unidentified Christie person again, referring to the children on school buses caught in the jam

"They are the children of Buono voters."

 —David Wildstein, in reply

Not Good, Yoda Book Is

By Baxter

There's no doubt in our furry little heads that Robert Gates' hissy fit of a book will end up on the remainder tables soon.

First, it's getting bad reviews. Second, it expresses deep admiration for The Worst Person Who's Ever Lived. That knocks it off our list of credible tomes right away.

But here's what really made us laugh out loud: Hillary Clinton, Gates says, opposed the 2007 "surge" in Iraq "because she was facing [Obama] in the Iowa primary."

Ahem. There is no Iowa "primary." As everyone — including even Rick Santorum — knows, Iowa holds caucuses.

Maybe Gates gets a pass because he's a military man and not a politician. But his editors surely don't. How to look stupid? Publish a memoir with errors like this. We (Cheshire) cats GRIN.

Follow The Money 2014

By Zamboni

We cats have noticed a pattern in a couple of recent news stories: Michael Bloomberg has given $2.5 million to the Senate Majority PAC. Richard Lugar has maxed out to Michelle Nunn's Senate campaign in Georgia. And John Warner has given big to her, too.

In other words, a billionaire who first got elected New York City mayor as a Republican is committed to keeping Harry Reid and the Democrats in charge in the Senate. And two former Republican members of that body are trying to take Max Cleland's seat back from the GOP.

You may ask, what's the big deal — especially when the Koch brothers have set up a $400 million evil right-wing empire?

True, we clear-thinking Americans will never match the Kochs dollar for dollar. But we've got to be competitive, and every contribution counts. Especially when Democrats can raise many millions more at the grassroots level.

So we're happy that Mayor Bloomberg has gone from spending ad money against David Pryor in Arkansas to forking over $2.5 million to Harry Reid. (And giving how much more before November?) And we're pleased to see that with establishment Republicans like Lugar and Warner shoveling cash to Democrats, the civil war in the GOP is alive and well.

Finally, don't forget to keep your eyes on the other prize. This could be a sign that that progressive billionaires like Bloomberg are getting active — early — for 2016. Which would make us cats PURR.

Us Cats Are Outraged About This

By Miss Kubelik

Here's another reason (as if we needed it!) that we're glad Ken Cuccinelli won't be our next Governor:

"Join Rand Paul and I in asserting our right to privacy."

That's from Cootch's announcement that he's throwing in with the crazy teabag from Kentucky and suing the National Security Administration over phone-record surveillance.

It isn't just that Cootchy sees no irony in citing privacy rights against the NSA at the same time that he violates Virginia women's privacy rights by butting into their most personal medical decisions.

It's the grammar. Why is it that Republicans who hate immigrants and want to make English our official language can't speak it properly?

We always suspected, and now we know: Ken Cuccinelli was just too stupid to be Governor. We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: He can't type, either.)

"Patriot"? Try "War Criminal"

By Sniffles

We cats are always intrigued by symmetry, so it's fascinating to see that two apparently dissimilar stories have hit at just about the same time: Al Qaeda has taken control of Fallujah, Iraq. And the daughter of the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived (If Indeed He Were a Person) has dropped out of the Wyoming Senate race.

What made us connect the two? Perhaps it was the statement that Liz Cheney issued when she withdrew, in which she said, "As a mother and a patriot, I know that the work of defending freedom and protecting liberty must continue for each generation."

We find that sentence revolting, for a couple of reasons.

Reason #1: In 2003, Liz Cheney's father and his puppet President, the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived, invaded a country that didn't attack us on 9/11, killing about 4,500 American soldiers in the process. Now, a key city in that country has been taken by the terrorist group that actually did attack us on 9/11.

Head-spinning, right? Wait, there's more. Imagine what the right wing would do if, say, Hillary Clinton dropped out of the 2016 Presidential race with a statement that began, "As a mother and a patriot"? Easy: They'd be screaming — SCREAMING — about Benghazi. So why aren't we on the left screaming about Iraq now?

Reason #2: "Each generation"? Pul-leeze, Liz. Do you really want us to talk about your father's five Vietnam draft deferments?)

Wow. Sometimes, the irony is too much even for us cats. Of course, we don't believe for a second that the alleged "Cheney family health crisis" is true. But if it is, wouldn't it be funny if the only possible match for a blood or organ donor is sister Mary? That would make us cats PURR.

Natural Born Nincompoop

By Baxter

Dear Canada: Ted Cruz is telling you to take a hike.

We cats hope that you're not feeling too bad. Although Mr. Nutcase is Alberta-born, he is renouncing you so he can run for President in 2016. Apparently he doesn't want to be associated with a sane, tolerant, climate-conscious and gay-marriage-friendly nation that quietly minds its own business. His loss!

It's laughable that Cruz thinks Americans would want him in the White House in the first place — but that's a topic for another post. In the meantime, we think it's pretty funny that the teabaggers and other whackjobs on the right consider Cruz eligible to be President at all. See, if the Canadian-born Cruz is American because his mom is from Delaware, even if Barack Obama was born in Kenya, which he wasn't, wouldn't he be American, too? (His mum was born in Kansas.)

Ah, well. There's no reasoning with these people. We just wonder whether they would have expressed their hatred for President Obama another way if Stanley Ann Dunham Obama had not died of cancer in 1995. We think she would have bitch-slapped the birthers to the moon and back — and we would have liked to have seen that.

As for Cruz, we'd tell our 33 million Canadian friends that we're sorry about the renunciation — but we suspect they're secretly relieved. Congratulations to them on losing a not-so-favorite son. And since we Americans appear to be stuck with this jackass, we cats HISS.

The Big Parade, Part Deux

By Zamboni

Happy news to report: The Women's Airforce Service Pilots got their float in the Rose Parade. To any of you dear readers who contributed to this effort, we cats send a big "thank-you" and many scratchy kitty kisses. And we celebrate the fact that it was a Democratic President, Jimmy Carter, who designated the WASPs eligible for military benefits in 1977. Hooray for the WASPs! We cats PURR.

UPDATE: We cats originally published this post a couple of days ago, but have since encountered technical difficulties with the video we included. So enjoy this still photo instead.

Felicitations

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are still engaging in New Year's festivities, but we want to take a moment this January 1, 2014 to say congratulations to all the Americans who have just gotten health coverage through the Affordable Care Act — and who maybe are about to see a doctor for their first time in ages, if not in their entire lives.

We also don't understand why the Koch brothers think that this is the most evil thing ever. Why is it bad that people get preventive care that's paid for, instead of waiting until their conditions become critical, and when we all have to foot the bill? Why is it better that society pays through the nose for uncompensated emergency room visits?

We're waiting for an explanation. Just like we're waiting to hear from Ken Mehlman why it was better to ram through all those gay-hating laws 10 years ago — so the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived could get re-elected and kill a whole bunch more US soldiers in Iraq.

Sorry, have we cats digressed? Whatever. We HISS.