Inconsistent News Network

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are confused. Apparently CNN is horrified that Donna Brazile gave John Podesta a head's-up about a question that someone was expected to ask at a town hall back during the Democratic primaries.

BUT, they continue to employ Corey "The Thug" Lewandowski as an "analyst" — even though the Trump campaign has continued to pay him since summer — and even though he's signed a non-disparagement/non-disclosure agreement that specifically prohibits him from saying anything negative about Trump or reporting any inside information?

This is crazy.

We don't necessarily disagree with CNN's decision today (although, since they had already accepted Donna's resignation more than two weeks ago, we're, um, confused again). But in light of their indulgent treatment of Lewandowski, it is all quite inexplicable.

If CNN has suddenly discovered its lost journalistic ethics, they need to apply them equally, all around. We cats HISS.

Scariest Halloween Ever?

Nah — not as long as we keep getting our vote out. Which is what we Democrats are doing. We cats PURR.

Creepy Clowns

By Zamboni

Just in time for Halloween, scary folk are turning up at Trump rallies.

There's the dude who kept staring at the press at an event in Phoenix and fingering an object that might have been a gun. He was escorted out. But, heck — at least he didn't yell "Jew-S-A" at the reporters, like some people (see above). Even Kellyanne Conway called that guy "deplorable."

Then there was the right-wing jackass who spoke to a Trump crowd in Vegas and openly fantasized about Hillary and Huma hurtling off a cliff, like Thelma and Louise. And the schmuck who brandished a Hillary doll with a noose around its neck at a rally in North Carolina.

We cats realize there are Neanderthals everywhere. But how in the world can Conway go unchallenged when she claims that these cretins "are not reflective of our campaign or our candidate"? Whose campaign and candidate are they reflective of? We cats think the clown shoe fits, and we HISS.

Trump Commits Voter Fraud!

By Sniffles

From the Department of Irony Department, a woman in Iowa has been arrested for voter fraud. She's a Trumpster!

You see how the mere hint of "rigged elections" can cause people to do ridiculous things? Take it from us — we Democrats are not impersonating people to vote multiple times, nor are we busing illegal immigrants to the polls. And Chicago legend notwithstanding, we are not recruiting people to show up to vote bearing the IDs of dead people.

But Donald Trump hammers the idea of rampant voter fraud, and this is what happens. Someone commits it! In his name! "I wasn't planning on doing it twice," the Trumpster said. "It was spur of the moment."

Idiot.

This is just the latest example of the chaos that Trump's lack of respect for the process can wreak. It ranks right up there with Trump's exultant bleatings about how the James Comey letter on the Weiner-Abedin emails is evidence of total, unequivocal Hillary criminality. WHUT?

Then again, that's okay. Let Trump and the Republicans overplay their hand — they're so good at it. But at the same time, we cats find it deeply disturbing that anyone would vote for a guy who has such contempt for the rule of law and for How Things Are Done.

The President — or a candidate for President — does not pronounce innocence or guilt. Not in America. Due process does that. That's why lynching is a no-no, right? But then, we don't expect Trump to understand that.

We do expect thoughtful voters to figure it out, though. And if they don't — hoo boy, the country's in trouble. We cats HISS.

Mark Kirk Is A Basket Of Deplorables All By Himself

By Baxter

In case you missed it, Republican Senator Mark Kirk of Illinois, who has distanced himself from the bigoted antics of Donald Drumpf, said something in a debate last night that was truly, breathlessly Trumpian.

After Democratic Senate candidate and Iraq war veteran Tammy Duckworth — that's her above, with the artificial legs — said that her family had fought for the nation since the American Revolution, Kirk, given a chance to respond, turned to her and said, "I'd forgotten that your parents came all the way from Thailand to serve George Washington."

Silence ensued. Duckworth did not reply. The moderator moved on to the next question. Awkward!

Was it the stroke talking, or did Kirk really mean to say what he did? We can't be sure, but we do know that Mark Kirk has an unfortunate habit of saying shameful things. Perhaps he should return to the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago to complete his treatment.

As for us, the first thought that crossed our minds was a question: Why do Republicans have such a problem with people who don't look like them — whether black, Native American, Hispanic or Asian? And don't they know that one of the most decorated units back in World War II was Japanese-American? We cats HISS.

We Still Don't Care About The Damned Emails

By Miss Kubelik

Gosh, does James Comey think that once Hillary Clinton wins the election, the crazy, held-hostage-by-teabags Republicans in Congress — assuming they hold their majority — are going to impeach him?

What else could explain the weirdly opaque letter he sent GOP committee chairs today about emails that the FBI is looking at on Anthony Weiner's phone? (The Weiner part of which, by the way, we didn't know from Comey but rather from intrepid reporting by The New York Times.)

James Comey has gone from the principled guy who protected the comatose John Ashcroft from the evil Alberto Gonzales as Ashcroft lay inert on his hospital bed to a malleable, confused mess of a man who has placed himself in an untenable position — dealing with an investigation that has yielded nothing, yet finding himself susceptible to and buffeted by political winds that his own party has whipped up over 25+ years of Clinton derangement syndrome. Not a pretty picture.

Secretary Clinton was absolutely right to hold her press conference tonight and demand more information. Comey cannot be allowed to play coy.

In the meantime, as far as Donald Drumpf and the Republicans in Congress are concerned, they are reacting true to form: in short, overreacting. The sky is falling, Clinton is corrupt, it's worse than Watergrate, and one innocuous letter from the FBI director is proof. We're sure that Drumpf will do several rallies (sorry, "shows") over the weekend and work up his rabid crowds into a new frenzy of "Lock her up!" and "Execute her!" In fact, we're counting on it.

We also hope that, as Jason Chaffetz and other Republicans in Congress champ at the bit, the Democrats will remind voters that a vote for GOP candidates like Rep. Barbara Comstock is a vote for six off-the-charts-rabid Texans to be Congressional committee chairs for the next two years. Just sayin'. We cats HISS.

Go Ahead, Trumpsters, Make Our Day

By Zamboni

Donald Trump's ragtag army of true believers is muttering about armed rebellion.

Perhaps they're looking at the forecasts, or hearing their candidate's dark warnings about "rigged" elections (ignoring how many crucial states are run by Republicans) — or just feeling like the tide has turned, with depression starting to sink in.

We cats agree that some kind of tide is turning now, if it hasn't already. We remember when the bottom fell out from under the Democratic ticket in 1980 — and although 2016 for the GOP isn't going to be as swift and dramatic, we will be very surprised if, thanks to the repugnance of her opponent and her own vast organization, Hillary Clinton doesn't just prevail but surpasses expectations. So the folks that Trump calls his "fan base" must be sensing it. And determined to reject it.

Although we don't doubt that the diehard Trumpsters are sclerotic, we think their threats of "revolution" are as empty as their candidate's suit.

First, their predictions are anecdotal. To our knowledge, no pollster has gone into the field to ask Freepers and Breitbarters and Stormfronters if they're really going to grab their pitchforks and their guns and march in the streets. But we'll keep an eye peeled for that.

Second, the Trumpsters who do forecast revolution seem to be putting it on someone else. "I'm more of a peaceful person," said one. "But I do think there will be a large amount [sic] of people that [sic] are terribly upset and may take matters into their own hands."

Finally, they say the rebellion will start once President Hillary comes for their guns. Which, of course, is never going to happen (sigh).

To these reasons, we cats will add our personal conviction that the raging Trumpsters are all hot air and laziness. So we'll be pretty shocked if they manage to get up from their computers and their couches to storm the Bastille. Still, it'll be interesting to watch — and depending on how big Hillary's margin is and how silly they look, it may even make us PURR.

The GOP's Ongoing Guerre Against Girls

By Sniffles

Republican women are worried. Is their party driving women away?

The answer, of course, is yes. How could they not? Donald Drumpf, a disturbed, erratic, narcissistic, needy, know-nothing pussy grabber, is at the head of their Presidential ticket, and legions of equally seriously disturbed, clueless guys are trotting out to defend him on said grabbing. We cats haven't run into a lot of women who dream of cuddling up to Rudy Giuliani or Newt Gingrich.

Now, Gingrich has really gotten crazy on that subject, accusing FOX "News's" Megyn Kelly of being "fascinated with sex."

Republicans, as always, have problems with words. Just as Drumpf himself couldn't get Vice President Biden's "gym" comment right the other day (he called it a "barn"), Gingrich must have meant "obsessed" rather than "fascinated." But, whatever. Here's the bottom line: Gingrich downplayed sexual assault by verbally assaulting the female anchor who was quizzing him about it.

We think that a serial adulterer and wife hater like Gingrich treating Kelly that way has probably just pushed another 50,000 GOP-leaning women out of the Drumpf column and over to Hillary Clinton. After all, Gingrich committed at least a double flagrant foul: 1) gratuitous mansplaining, and 2) accusing  a woman who utterly lacks a history of sex fascination of being, um, fascinated with sex. With no moral standing of his own, by the way.

Republicans may try to dismiss the Gingrich-Kelly dust-up as a ridiculous incident. But in our opinion, the suburban women who hold the key to this election won't laugh it off so easily. (Donald Drumpf, meanwhile, congratulated Gingrich on "an amazing interview.") We cats PURR.

Baskets

By Baxter

We cats think that our party knows what it needs to do to maintain our position in the future. 1) Remain tolerant and inclusive. 2) Realign our notions about how to make the economy work, so that we can bring in people who have felt left behind. 3) Always, always ask everybody for their vote — even if they don't agree with us. (Asking for somebody's vote is a form of respect.)

The Republicans? Wow. We don't know what the heck they're going to do. They are so fractured that their former chairman has predicted a "great awakening" to cleanse themselves of stain of Trump. Until then, the GOP is beating itself up over the lost opportunities of 2016. Pudgy Frank Luntz, for example, has sobbed that this year's election "should have been a slam dunk" for the Republican Party.

That's a little simplistic. It hews to the tired adage that the nation is automatically ready to swing to the other side after two terms under one party. It ignores a whole bunch of other factors — mostly economic — that can determine whether or not the country truly ends up wanting to change horses in midstream. And it also ignores the Republicans' complete inability in the last several cycles to nominate somebody whom the voters can look at and say, yeah — I know that person will have my best interests at heart for the next four years.

The GOP's nominees have consistently failed to meet that test. Had they done so, by Luntz's reasoning, 1992 should have been a "slam dunk" — 2008, too. And 2012. And, of course, this year. Instead, Donald Drumpf embodied the hate and rage of only a slice of the Republican electorate — which as we know the establishment foolishly thought they could humor and coddle through another primary season without consequence. As Drumpf would say, wrong!

Perhaps we need to ask the GOP to redefine the expression "slam dunk." We cats HISS.

Need A Champion? Bet On Joe.

By Miss Kubelik

Let us take a moment to praise Joe Biden.

We cats understand that on the issues, Joe has had a bit of a checkered past where women are concerned. His non-performance during the Clarence Thomas-Anita Hill hearings was pretty disappointing. We know women today who, 25 years later, still have trouble forgiving him — not just for letting Thomas slip through the Judiciary Committee's fingers but for totally not getting it. You know — it.

Because we have a soft spot for Joe, though, we are going to assume that now, all these years later, he does, um, get it. In our view, he has an appreciation for what women have to go through in their personal and professional lives, but it's an understanding that's leavened with a charming dash of don't-you-dare-insult-my-sister, corner-bar umbrage.

Hence his sponsorship and passionate support for the Violence Against Women Act. And hence his recently expressed desire to beat up Donald Trump behind the gym.

As the nation is perhaps on the brink of electing its first woman President and repudiating its most vile party nominee, we welcome any and all converts to the cause of humans behaving decently. For most of his life, Joe Biden has behaved just that way. Which makes us PURR.

Losing Stamina

By Zamboni

Donald Trump likes to accuse Hillary Clinton of sleeping all the time. But after checking out his behavior at his Pennsylvania rallies this afternoon, we think Trump should take a few naps himself.

Today he was "subdued," "gloomy," "slowly plodding," and in "a dark funk." At one rally he actually talked about the possibility of defeat. Donald Trump is definitely not having fun any more.

So will he keep his promise to do three rallies a day, every day, until November 8? And if he does, will he get so tired and down that he'll really start to lose control — verbally, emotionally, physically? After mocking Clinton's pneumonia and making dark suggestions about her health, Trump on the brink of actual as well as political collapse would be a sight to see.

Or will it be just another pledge he reneges on — like vowing to compete hard in blue states like Connecticut, New York, New Jersey, California, Oregon and Washington?

We cats suggest that he sleep on it. In the meantime, we HISS.

Canada Shares The Love (And Politely Demurs On The Most Important Point)

By Sniffles

Does Donald Drumpf personify the most obnoxious American you've ever met? Quite possibly. He's rude, ignorant, a braggart, full of himself, and more than likely to lunge for your lips or your breasts or your billybush if he's just met you and you happen to be a woman.

But after months of vitriol, Drumpfian idiocy and Republican enabling of same, here comes a breath of fresh air from our Neighbor to the North. Out of the blue, like a maple-flavored, goose-down-clad flash mob, Canadians have taken to social media to console and assure us that everything's okay.

"Tell America It's Great" has already inspired tons of positive tweets in support of the land of E pluribus unum — citing classic American attributes like "Your incredible national pride," "Your desire to aid a world in crisis" and "Your drive to always lead the charge for change." "You have Oprah!" another tweeter enthused. And "Nobody does road trips, baseball parks, parades and fireworks better than the US," declared yet another.

Okay, as unsentimental as we are, we admit that these tweets make us a little misty-eyed. But more important, it's clear that all these nice Canadians know the truth: It is not America that has lost its mind — just one of its political parties.

Why else would they rush to reassure us that our institutions and our legacy won't be besmirched by the demagogic jackass that the Republicans have nominated this year? They don't make us all own this debacle. But we'd bet that if Canadians were less kind, and if someone started a hashtag "Tell Republicans They Suck," more than a few would be tempted to chime in.

But let's not end on a sour note. We cats don't know what will happen to the GOP in the coming weeks and months, but we do know that despite the antics of the Party of Lincoln's nominee, America will get through this. We're so grateful for neighbors who have our back. And we PURR.

Hillary Did Just Peachy-Dory In The Debate. Drumpf And The GOP, Not So Much.

By Baxter

So it's kind of a bad night for Ivanka Trump. Hours after her statement that Donald Drumpf would accept the election results if he loses, her daddy stepped up to the lectern at UNLV and pulled the rug out from under her.

Now Ivanka knows how Drumpf's hapless running mate feels.

Drumpf's disqualifying comment has also put establishment Republicans in a pretty pickle. What the heck do Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell do now? Can they possibly avoid the press for 20 days straight? It will be a sight to see.

And by the way, this was also not a great night for Barbara Comstock. The odious anti-choice Republican who is fighting for her political life in Virginia's 10th Congressional District was just handed a crap sandwich by her party's Presidential nominee. Drumpf equating women’s reproductive freedom with non-existent abortions that take place in the fourtth week of the ninth month? … Yeah, that'll play well with Comstock's suburban female constituents. We cats PURR.

P.S. If our headline puzzles you, click here.

We're On The Lookout For Those Vote-Frauding Mexicans And Syrians

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are thrilled that President Obama has weighed in on Donald Drumpf's ridiculous bleatings about the election being "rigged." Statements from the Presidential bully pulpit are always welcome, particularly comments as withering as Obama's were today.

And how hilarious is it that Drumpf is threatening to send his merry band of frustrated-white-guy ne'er-do-wells out as vigilante poll watchers? One Ohio guy even told a reporter that he'd be watching for "Mexicans, Syrians and people who can't speak American." (WHUT?)

We have our doubts about whether the folks you see at Trump rallies will actually be able to rouse themselves to poll-watch — in the "inner cities" or anywhere else. The couch and the beer keg beckon, you know? But if Drumpf does manage to inspire 10,000 of his most devoted yahoos to try and intimidate our voters, it won't bother us.

Why? Because we can't imagine, say, an 80-year-old, 100-pound African-American grandmother being cowed by these guys — not after all the voter suppression crap she's seen over the years.

And maybe more important, that'll be 10,000 Trumpsters who'll be wasting their time standing guard over nothing instead of working on Republican GOTV — making phone calls, going door to door and driving folks to the polls. Sounds good to us! We cats PURR.

Good Money After Bad

By Zamboni

What's the best thing about the Donald Drumpf campaign insisting that it hasn't given up on Virginia and saying it will spend $2 million on advertising here?

We don't have a Senate race.

See, this is why we're so sure that Drumpf World doesn't know what it's doing. Wouldn't it be better for them if they allocated those bucks to states like Pennsylvania, New Hampshire, Missouri, Nevada and Wisconsin, just to name a few? In other words, states with either highly endangered Republican Senate incumbents or a wildly competitive race for an open seat?

Sure it would. But we won't make a habit of advising them.

Hey, wait a minute — can they spend $4 million here? We cats PURR.

Matchless

By Sniffles

Going into the 2016 general election, we all pretty much knew that Hillary Clinton would overwhelm Donald Drumpf in one particular category: her campaign surrogates.

President Obama, Vice President Biden, Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren are just some of the people not also named Clinton who are out on the hustings for the Democratic ticket. And with last week's speech in New Hampshire, Michelle Obama has proven herself to be the classiest of all. (So good, in fact, that she's headed to Arizona on Thursday, a fact that we think is very fun.)

So, We're wondering: Who do the Republicans have, female-wise, who could possibly hope to answer Mrs. O? Is there anyone who could step up to the plate and respond for the women who somehow are inexplicably not repulsed by Drumpf's "grab 'em by the you-know-what" tape?

Melania Trump? Somehow we can't see her claiming the moral high ground — not just because she's the wronged party and rarely if ever ventures out in public (#Moose&Squirrel). Karen Pence? A cipher. The Republican girl Senators? Kelly Ayotte is kind of busy right now, falling off the tightrope she's been trying to walk in her New Hampshire re-election bid. Deb Fischer has proven herself to be a spineless hypocrite. Susan Collins? Oh, please, that voice. We'd rather listen to Moose&Squirrel.

That leaves us with — drum roll — the famous quitter from Alaska! But where is Sarah Palin? We've asked that question before, and we're still waiting for the answer. We cats HISS.

(PHOTO: Collier Schorr for The New York Times)

Arson? We're Betting Hoax.

By Baxter

Gosh! Have things gotten so bad for the Republicans that they're firebombing their own campaign headquarters?

Seriously — you didn't think that "attack" on the GOP county office in North Carolina was real, did you? We Democrats don't know the first thing about explosive devices. Heck, we barely even own guns. And the "graffiti" scrawled on a nearby building — "Nazi Republicans, leave town or else" — was the stuff of bad movies.

Nope, it's pretty clear to us that this Trump HQ torching in a crucial swing state is fakefakefake — a 2016 version of Ashley Todd. All they need to keep their base riled up is a Trump-Pence volunteer to turn up with an "H" carved in her cheek.

We'll be the first to admit it if we're wrong, but right now this North Carolina incident smells like some Drumpf supporter's idea of a lefty hate crime. Sadly, real hate crimes are usually committed against people who agree with us, not them. We cats HISS.

Knock, Knock

By Miss Kubelik

"Who's there?" A Democratic Party volunteer, that's who.

We cats spent all day today working a staging location for Hillary Clinton canvassers — not just in battleground Virginia, but in one of the Commonwealth's key counties. "Prince William has become a majority-minority district, voting largely Democratic for the past few cycles," reports CNN. Fifty-three percent of our neighbors here in PWC are non-white — in short, the folks that Donald Drumpf, Steve Bannon and the other bigots in Republican World view as lesser beings.

Well, we Clintonistas are working hard to get them to the polls. Today, our own staging location sent out nearly 80 volunteers to knock on 3,500 doors. And we were far from the only Hillary people to be fielding canvassers in Prince William County on this lovely October day. Some voters our folks spoke to reported no similar sightings of Trump volunteers.

Surprising? Nope — not since the Drumpf campaign abandoned Virginia for other key states they're in danger of losing. We cats are keeping our nose to the grindstone and our paws on the doorbells. And we PURR.

Trump? Not Our First Choice.

By Zamboni

Or even our last choice. Is there something lower than last?

Apparently a lot of people in Arizona agree. Hillary Clinton is ahead of Trump there now.

Do we know that she's leading by just a point? Sure. But it doesn't matter. What's more important is that the Trump campaign is having to make some very difficult decisions right now, none of them pleasant. Do they race to pour in resources to save the Grand Canyon State — a place that they never dreamed would be a problem? And since politics is a zero-sum game, which states will get stiffed so they can play defense in Arizona?

Indiana, maybe? It should be safe Republican territory. Heck, Mike Pence is from Indiana. But — whoops! Trump's lead is only four points there now. Down seven since August, and inching close to the margin of error. They can't afford to abandon Indiana now.

And of course they must keep trying to win Florida, Pennsylvania and Ohio, big battlegrounds with expensive media markets. Hm.

The Trumpsters are up against a brutal reality: the electoral map. They have to allocate their increasingly scarce resources to swing states that are not adding up to 270. Oh, and did we mention? Hillary's already at 287. We cats PURR.

Not Unlike The Surrender At Appomattox

By Sniffles

Maybe Bob Dylan winning the Nobel prize for literature is the least-strange thing that happened today.

Donald Trump lashed out at the Clinton campaign and the media this afternoon, whipping his pitchfork brigade to such a frenzy that they surrounded reporters with verbal abuse and obscene gestures after the rally was over. The New York Times — hardly the Clintons' BFFs, we can't help noting — responded to Trump's vast left-wing conspiracy grenade by basically saying, "Go ahead and sue us, you jerk."

Then Trump pushed back against a People magazine writer's groping accusation by saying, "Look at her." (Actually, she's blonde and pretty.) Hacked Clinton emails kept coming from Trump running mate supporter Vladimir Putin (and we're still waiting for that bombshell the Trumpsters keep promising will come). And Michelle Obama did an epic take-down of the Republican nominee, without once mentioning his name, in a remarkable speech in New Hampshire.

But because all politics is local, we cats choose to focus on what's just happened in Virginia. The Trump campaign is pulling up stakes — abandoning our 13 electoral votes to Clinton-Kaine.

Whee! We figured that, what with the schisms between the campaign and the Republican National Committee, the Trump effort in the Old Dominion would pale in comparison to ours. But now that we know that the GOP and Trump Tower's "best brains" are cutting off money, personnel and other resources here, we will truly outshine them in voter registration, supporter identification and GOTV.

Think we Democrats will now sit back and take it easy? Guess again. We have a ton of voters to get to the polls, and a few odious GOP House members to try to knock off.

So we will be out there in force — this weekend, and every weekend between now and November 8. We cats PURR.

Pussy Power

By Baxter

Back in the day — and for about a half an hour — a woman was Prime Minister of Canada. Specifically, this woman, Kim Campbell.

Campbell was a Tory and her tenure as PM in 1993 was a fast, unsuccessful one. But prior to that, she served as a justice minister, and today she has some strong opinions on Donald Trump.

"He has described himself as a sexual predator," Campbell declared after viewing the "Access Hollywood" tape. "Unconsented sexual touching is a sexual assault. And somebody who does that, who thinks he has a right to do that, who does it thinking that it’s a reflection of his value because he’s a celebrity, et cetera... I mean, that is predation."

We agree. But we also know how Donald Trump would react to Campbell's statement. He'd call her a loser. Fat. Ugly. Disgusting. Hardly worth walking in on naked.

We know a lot of Democratic women who can't wait to vote for Hillary and against Trump. But it appears they'll be joined by a ton of Republican — or, should we say, Tory? — women too. We cats PURR.

Lest We Furr-get: A Tale Of Two Cousins

By Miss Kubelik

Al Gore, always the dry wit of whom we cats have been fond, campaigned for Hillary Clinton in Miami yesterday and declared himself "Exhibit A" as to why your vote matters. Really, really matters.

We thought that was an interesting confluence of events, since the total screw-over of President Gore back in 2000 began with a Bush cousin named John Ellis — while today, Republican World is roiled by a vulgar "Access Hollywood" tape featuring a Bush cousin named Billy.

Perhaps a little background is in order.

John Ellis Bush, working the FOX "News" "decision desk" on Election Night 2000, instructed the network to call Florida for the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived — even though every other news outlet was saying, whoa, wait a minute. Thousands of hanging chads, one Brooks Brothers riot and a Bush-engineered Supreme Court pronouncement later, Al Gore got cheated out of the Presidency he had won.

Fast forward 16 years to Donald Drumpf's epic Pussy Galore weekend, and we find that there's another, um, Bush involved.

That Billy Bush — whose media persona is apparently that of a clueless celebrity hanger-on with no moral, intellectual or ethical grounding — was present for what may prove to be the most important disqualifying event in Donald Trump's political life and failed to alert the Jeb! campaign back in the GOP primaries, even when Trump was trashing Jeb! every second and implying that he was low-T....

Well, it's too ironic to fathom. Is the Bush family still speaking to him?

And the idea that a bumbling member of the Worst Person clan might help deliver the White House to another Clinton in 2016 will be sweet payback for the nefarious acts of John Ellis Bush in 2000.

We hope that President Gore can find some wry amusement in all of this. And we jump in his lap and PURR.

Donald Trump Is Doing WHAT?

By Zamboni

There are a couple of hard and fast rules in politics, at least that we cats know of. One is that when your enemy is busy destroying himself, don't interfere. (And boy, is Donald Drumpf doing exactly that.)

Another is that politics — and, therefore, campaign management — is the allocation of scarce resources among competing choices. Now, it's 28 days to Election Day, and that rule is coming into force, big time.

And what's happening to our respective major-party efforts? On the Democratic side, Hillary Clinton is fighting a one-front war against the Republican forces of darkness. And she's fighting it with superior weaponry: Clinton-Kaine, the pro-Clinton super PAC and the Democratic National Committee all boast greater resources than Drumpf, his super PAC and Rancid Pieface's RNC.

Meanwhile, Drumpf has inexplicably plunged himself into a two-front war: against Hillary, and against his own party. He's gone after Paul Ryan, John McCain and — well, heck, everybody. While he's likely not spending any money to feud with the GOP establishment, he is spending the scarcest resources of all: his time and credibility. And down the line, it could also affect his cash by drying up prospective contributions.

Allow us to repeat that we're loath to reach for the easy Nazi analogy. But what's going on in the Republican Party right now is so amazing that we can't help thinking about Hitler choosing to invade the Soviet Union at the same time he was fighting the West. And we all know how that turned out. We cats PURR.

And Speaking Of Halloween...

Keeping The Chair Warm For HRC

By Sniffles

Just in time for Halloween, the nation watched as Hillary Clinton was forced to debate the ghost of Andrew Breitbart.

If you found last night's slugfest in St. Louis a tad depressing, here's why. Where else could that town hall go but someplace dark and dismal, when one of the combatants was an unrepentant hater and sociopath? We cats try to avoid reaching for Nazi analogies, but we found ourselves wondering if they held town halls in Germany in 1932.

Hillary Clinton has infinite patience. And it's a good thing, too, because she needed it. As usual, she had an impossible task: Try to talk intelligently to millions of people about policy and issues while simultaneously fending off and/or ignoring gutter-level attacks on herself and her family. And as usual, she succeeded.

It's an amazing talent, one for which Clinton gets far too little credit. We saw it for 11 hours in front of a spittle-spewing Congressional committee last fall, and again for 90 minutes last night. When she gets to the Oval Office, she will be a rock. We cats PURR.

"Lord, Give Me The Confidence Of A Mediocre White Man"

Nobody Held A Gun To Their Head

By Baxter

There's one thought we cats can't get out of our minds as we watch the Republicans grapple with their epic Pussy Galore Weekend.

It wasn't enough that Donald Trump insulted and maligned everybody he insulted and maligned before his vile, adolescent and borderline-criminal "Access Hollywood" banter hit the airwaves on Friday — was it? Until then, the Republican Party may have been less than thrilled that the Freepers and the teabags and the haters had prevailed in the primaries, but still, they went along with the Trump coronation, hoping they could somehow paper over his hideousness and make it back to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

We're cats, so we have to remind the GOP of the old adage about riding the tiger and ending up inside.

Particularly repugnant are Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan and Rancid Pieface, who still refuse to disown their execrable nominee. But make no mistake: Everybody's a jackass here, from John McCain to Kelly Ayotte to Ted Cruz (ah, especially Ted Cruz... bad timing on that endorsement, Ted). Maybe the only Republican with any integrity these days is Lindsey Graham.

So, sorry, GOP — you need to own this. You have to admit that you cravenly tried to appeal to racism, bigotry, misogyny and xenophobia by going along with Trump — or even, in Mike Pence's case, calling him a "good man." But here's the thing: You don't get to toss him off the ticket. The American people deserve the opportunity to vote against this horrifying buffoon. We cats HISS.

Take It From Us: Pussies Don't Like To Be Grabbed

By Sniffles

Gosh, Kelly Ayotte's "role model" isn't having a very good day all of a sudden, is he?

We cats will have more to say about the latest Donald Trump bombshell — just as we hope to hear from all those Christian conservatives who have tossed in their lot with him (yes, we're looking at you, Mike Pence). But for now, let's just point out the irony of this tape surfacing on the same day that President Obama signed a new sexual assault measure into law. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

P.S.: Apologizing "if anyone was offended" is not an apology.

Uggghhhh.... Writing Insightful, Accurate Election Analysis Is SO HARD

By Miss Kubelik

Presidential polls are currently showing Hillary Clinton with a moderate but durable lead over Donald Drumpf, so what's a pundit to do? If you're Joe Scarborough, you flail around — trying to reconcile Clinton's advantage with the assumption that after eight years of Barack Obama, 2016 is a "change" election.

Sure, it's a change election for the angry white male teabag mobs who want to "take their country back." But what if, for the rest of us, it's a "more-of-the-same-thank-you-very-much" election?

After all, why wouldn't it be? Obama saved the nation from the worst economic meltdown since the Great Depression, gave more than 20 million Americans access to affordable healthcare coverage, rescued the auto industry, drove the unemployment rate back below 5 percent, stopped Iran from getting nukes, opened up Myanmar and Cuba, wiped out "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" and presided over the establishment of marriage equality as law of the land. Just a few reasons why America doesn't need to be great again.

Nobody in Pundit World is saying this, of course — which may help explain why the false notion of Clinton and Drumpf as equally horrible so stubbornly persists. Although some journalists are onto this idiotic narrative and have written thoughtfully about it, overall, we cats must blame the press for its lazy stenography — and we HISS.

Indefensible: That's What You Are

Gosh, those Clinton campaign folks are quick on the draw, aren't they?

Just As The Cat Fight Wraps, A Fabulous Smackdown On A Woman's Right To Choose

By Zamboni

A lot of people are saying — really, we've heard it from a lot of people! — that Mike Pence didn't defend his running mate enough at last night's VP debate and, in fact, drew some surprising distinctions between himself and Donald Trump. (So much so that Trump is said to be miffed, which his campaign manager has been forced to deny.)

What Pence does have in common with Donald Trump, however, is a weird vocabulary. He accused Tim Kaine of being programmed to say certain things, but as always with the 2016 Republican ticket, there's a whole lot of projection going on. Pence so cravenly repeated certain attack phrases during the 90-minute slugfest that — well, let's just call it a heartbreaking, feckless, insult-driven, pre-done avalanche of whipped-out Mexican things, shall we?

And of course, Matt Lauer is feeling great today. He is no longer the worst moderator in history.

It's sad that Elaine Quijano couldn't control the conversation last night. Because we cats are sure that a lot of viewers switched to baseball after the first 30 minutes or so — and therefore missed what happened near the end, when Kaine made this brilliant challenge on abortion:

"Why doesn’t Donald Trump trust women to make this choice for themselves? That’s what we ought to be doing in public life: living our lives of faith or motivation with enthusiasm and excitement, convincing each other, dialoguing with each other about important moral issues of the day. But on fundamental issues of morality, we should let women make their own decisions.

"You should live your moral values, but the last thing governments should do is to have laws that would punish women who make reproductive choices. That is the fundamental difference between the Clinton-Kaine ticket and the Trump-Pence ticket."

Pence had no real answer. But he did manage to use the word "heartbreaking" again. (Does he have a uterus? What the hell does he know from "heartbreaking"?) We cats HISS. 

Turnabout Should Be Fair Play

By Baxter

Like Hillary Clinton, we are all, indeed, wondering what kind of a "genius" loses $1 billion in a single year. And why a guy who reported just under $3.5 million in income in 1995 was already declaring himself in the billionaires' club.

But we cats are also wondering this:

Back in July, Donald Trump encouraged the Russians to commit cyber-espionage on the US. And while the media noted it, everyone basically yawned.

Now, The New York Times has opened a manila envelope they got anonymously through the mail and has published its contents — a document that Donald Trump should have released anyway. But Trump's first reaction was to scream "lawsuit!"

Why is no one commenting on the ironies here? We cats HISS.

La Desaparecida

By Sniffles

President Obama says he can trace the rise of Donald Trump in 2016 back to John McCain's gravest sin — the selection of the Famous Quitter from Alaska as his running mate in 2008.

"I see a straight line from the announcement of Sarah Palin as the Vice Presidential nominee to what we see today in Donald Trump," the President told New York magazine, citing a "shift in the center of gravity for the Republican Party."

Gosh, what a coincidence. We cats were just thinking of Sarah Palin the other day. As in, where the heck is Sarah Palin?

Just a few weeks ago, her boy Trump was riding high! (Um — kind of. Sort of. For a little while. Not so much any more.) And remember when she endorsed him, wearing that strangely dominatrix-y outfit and belching forth her usual word salad? That was way back in January. Then she vanished. She didn't go to the convention. She hasn't been on the campaign trail. What gives?

We have several theories. The first is that with an idiot like Trump around, Palin seems redundant. So maybe the Trumpsters have told her that if she lies low and they win, there will be nice plum job waiting for her in the government she hates so much. And if they lose, there will still be a nice plum job waiting for her — but this time, at the Trump/Ailes Network.

Or, they could be saving her for a final two-week campaign blitz. At the rate things are going, though, that blitz — should it happen — will not be to battlegrounds states the Republicans hope to steal from Hillary Clinton. Instead, they'll have to ship Palin off to conservative enclaves in places like Iowa, North Carolina, southwestern Virginia and northern Florida. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Behavioral Issues Edition

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have a friend here in Virginia who pretty much nailed voters' problems with Donald Trump: He acts like a six-year-old. This weekend, though, you couldn't blame people for thinking that he's really more of a pathological 70-year-old. Here are just a few of the latest reasons.

Following last Monday's debate, the Trump campaign claimed that it raised $18 million in 24 hours. It was unclear how much of that total was in cash and how much in pledges — but knowing how these things work, we'd say that a fair chunk was in the "I owe ya" category. Well, since then Trump has spent the week slut- and fat-shaming a former Miss Universe, making wild claims about his debate-stage mic, denying his falling polls, getting hit by The New York Times on his taxes, and, just last night, going completely off the rails at a rally in Pennsylvania. So we're wondering: How many of those pledges will be honored?

(Meanwhile, the Clinton campaign raised $154 million in September — her best month ever. Now that's a campaign with stamina!)

Ivanka has come out with an ad aimed at women, trying to reassure them that since he has a child care plan, her daddy is not nearly as dangerous as they think. Ridiculous on its face. But after the week that Trump has just had, how is that message possibly getting through?

Speaking of women, how ironic that Trump accused Alicia Machado of having a "sex tape" when he appeared in a soft-porn Playboy video himself. We're wondering how evangelical Christians across America feel about that — not to mention the Mormons in Utah. And since Nevada has a lot of Mormons, too, is that part of the reason that Clinton is now up by six points there?

Finally, after reading Jenna Johnson's staccato-drumbeat reporting of Trump's rally behavior last night, let's all pronounce Howard Dean vindicated, shall we? We cats PURR.

39 Turns 92

By Zamboni

We cats may have nine lives, but we know that Presidents (and other humans) don't. Except maybe for Jimmy Carter, who celebrates his 92nd birthday today.

Many happy returns, Mr. President! We cats are rooting for you to outlive the last guinea worm, and we PURR.