There Is A God

By Baxter

Sarah Huckabee Sanders says that God not only exists, He wanted Benedict Donald to be President.

We cats don't presume to know what God really wants. (We're gods, and we find that rather rude.) But here's a little development that God just allowed to happen — and we don't think it's quite the kind of thing Sarah Sanders would have in mind.

Attorneys for the Governor's office in Kentucky — currently occupied by an insufferable teabag, Matt Bevin — are demanding $225,000 from former County Clerk Kim Davis. It's payback for violating gay couples' civil rights when she refused to marry them.

Ain't America great? It doesn't matter whether Bevin is a religious nut like Davis or not. Secular government is secular government, and the bottom line is this: As the attorneys will argue in court tomorrow, Davis completely failed to do her job — one of the requirements of which is to issue marriage licenses.

Or should we say, "was"? Because Kim Davis's fat ass was handed to her in the last election. We cats PURR.

Here's Mudd In Your Eye

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are watching the snow fall and the temperatures drop, but are feeling warm and happy inside — because we learned today that Stacey Abrams will deliver the Democratic response to the State of the Union. It's so fabulous that Chuck Schumer understands not just her powerful political presence but that African-American women are the backbone of our party. (P.S. Can we hire someone to text us when Benedict Donald is done? Because of course we won't be watching him.)

Meanwhile, we've been amazed at the bad week Coffee Man is having, even though it's only Tuesday.

From the Twitterverse to his in-person appearances (a spectator at his Barnes & Noble book-signing called him an "egotistical billionaire asshole"), to a hapless visit to "The View," Coffee Man is getting the equivalent of a boiling-hot latte thrown on him. And as an infuriating proponent of the "both sides are to blame" canard, he richly deserves the abuse.

How ironic that it all started with Coffee Man's interview on "60 Minutes" Sunday night. It's not the first time that CBS News has started a potential candidate down the road to disaster — and it probably won't be the last. But it sure is satisfying. We cats PURR.

Not "Both Sides" Now

By Zamboni

We cats are partial to a particular brand of coffee, which we buy in the grocery store and brew at home. But we're prepared to give it up if a certain bored billionaire decides to run for President as an independent.

If Coffee Man is so concerned about the state of the country, there are many other ways he can help save it. Throwing a ton of money to support voter registration and oppose voter suppression is the first thing that comes to mind. A number of other worthy efforts await.

But what we find most objectionable is Coffee Man's contention that both political parties are responsible for the mess we're in now. This "both-sides-ism" drives us nuts.

It wasn't the Democratic Party that decided to demonize rather than respectfully disagree with the opposition. That distinction belongs to the GOP and Lee Atwater (whom God later punished with a brain tumor and early death).

It wasn't the Democratic Party that ran hateful racist commercials appealing to white fear. It was Richard Nixon who instigated the GOP "Southern Strategy,' and George H.W. Bush's team that created the Willie Horton ad.

It wasn't Democrats who looked at an incoming President of the other party and vowed to never work with him, no matter what. That was the Republicans, smarting from 2008. Never mind that the country was deep in the throes of the Great Recession: The GOP still wouldn't give an inch — on the stimulus, or anything else (see "Garland, Merrick").

Finally, it wasn't the 2016 Democratic candidate who injected hate, insults and ugliness into the political discourse, or who colluded with a hostile foreign enemy to win the election. And it wasn't a Democratic President who shut down the government for more than a month over a racist campaign promise that he can't keep.

We could go on, but you get the picture. We're awfully glad that Coffee Man's big announcement went over about as flat and cold as yesterday's brew. Still, we cats are annoyed. And we HISS.

Fallout

By Sniffles

Republicans are so worried! They just got their hats handed to them in the 2018 midterms, and now their party has suffered a needless, self-inflicted 35-day shutdown debacle. Not only has their criminal President looked like a fool, but they've cost the economy billions, infuriated ordinary Americans, and outed themselves as completely insensitive and out of touch with working people.

Actually, nothing about them is different. It's just that it's all out in the open, now.

For decades, there's been absolutely no reason for anyone to vote GOP. Nobody in the Republican Party cares about them. We re-learned that from Willard Mitt Romney's "47 percent" video, back in 2012, and with the ascendance of Donald Trump, the Republicans have gotten even worse. But what offends us almost more than Trump are the Republicans who thought they could surrender to Trump's takeover of their party and just slink by, avoiding any damage that the narcissistic sociopath they nominated would inflict on the country.

When we picture Republicans like that, we see the moronic grin of the ever-opportunistic Paul Ryan. But there are many more just like him.

"I hope we get some common sense," New York GOP Congressman Peter King said after the shutdown, wringing his hands. What we think you will get, Mr. King, is a bunch more Republican retirements — especially among the teabags who were elected in 2010 and have never had a taste of life in the minority. We cats PURR.

Iron Madam

By Hubie and Bertie

Today was a great day — not just for the 800,000 federal employees who will go back to work, but for anyone who believes in the Founders' vision of America. We have co-equal branches of government, ya'll.

Nancy Pelosi knows how to do her job so well that she makes Ronald Reagan's girlfriend— Margaret Thatcher, the so-called "Iron Lady" — look like a wimp.

"Our diversity is our strength, and our unity is our power. And I think that's what the President underestimated," the Speaker of the House said today. We cats PURR.

Wilbur, Bewildered

By Baxter

Wilbur Ross is in the news today, and not for a good reason. Actually, it's kinda been that way for awhile now, since Ross lied to Congress about that obscene citizenship question the Trumpsters want to add to the census. But today Ross hit a new low. He just doesn't have a clue about people who aren't as freaking rich as he is.

Speaking of furloughed federal workers who are about to miss their second paychecks tomorrow, Ross burbled, ""I know they are [going to food pantries] and I don’t really quite understand why."

Wilbur Ross may not be as pretty as Marie Antoinette was, but other than that it seems they have a lot in common. It's worth remembering that Ross, who is worth $700 million, has been seen in $500-a-pair velvet slippers with the seal of the Department of Commerce embroidered on them.

Madame Guillotine may not be waiting for Ross, but we sincerely hope that lying to Congress will get him hauled off to the hoosegow. Meanwhile, the Democratic ads for 2020 just keep writing themselves. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

What A Difference Control Makes, Part II

By Miss Kubelik

What were we cats just saying about the good things that happen when Democrats take charge? Hot on the heels of enacting election reform, the New York State legislature has passed sweeping reproductive rights bills to head off any damage that the Clarence Thomases, Samuel Alitos and Brett Kavanaughs of the world might do statewide to Roe v. Wade.

Governor Andrew Cuomo signed it into law on the 46th anniversary of the original Supreme Court decision with Sarah Weddington, the lawyer who successfully argued Roe, at his side.

It's too bad that we who believe in reproductive rights have to take this action in the first place. But it's still good to know that we live in a state where, in the words of our State Senate's majority leader, "women's health matters...women's lives matter...[and] women's decisions matter." We cats PURR.

What A Difference Control Makes

By Zamboni

On Martin Luther King Day 2019, we cats are sad to report that the Voting Rights Act is gutted (thanks to our conservative Supreme Court), and Republicans are still working hard to disenfranchise people of color across America.

Here in New York, though, things are looking up.

You might be surprised to learn that the Empire State has some of the crappiest election laws in the country. We have no early voting, no same-day registration, and a passel of other rules and regs that are rightly described as "horrific." When we moved here, we were surprised to find out how restrictive it all was — and that state and federal primaries were held on different days. Crazy.

But just last week, the state legislature passed bills to fix all of that. Hello, primary election consolidation! Welcome, no-excuse absentee voting! Hurray for pre-Election-Day ballot casting! We cats are thrilled.

And why was all this suddenly possible? Simple. In November, New York voters turned the State Senate majority-Democratic for the first time in 10 very long years. Which meant that the election reform bills that the lower house had been passing over and over again were finally, finally able to be blessed by the Senate. Our newly Democratic Senate.

See why it's so important to elect candidates with "Ds" after their names? It means more people get to vote. It means that our democracy can survive. And that America can get closer to actually being what it claims to be. We cats PURR.

Lest We Furrget: 10 Years Ago Today

This was the day that we felt a whole lot better as a country, even though we learned that the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States couldn't read.

About That Gillette Ad...

By Sniffles

Gillette has caught some blowback from its "We Believe" commercial, which is interesting since yesterday, on the National Mall, a scene from the ad played out in real life.

A Native American man was surrounded and taunted by a group of boys from Covington Catholic High School — that would be Covington, Kentucky, home state of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell — who had gone to DC to participate in the March for Life. You won't be surprised to hear that they also were wearing red "Make America Great Again" hats. Ugh.

The Native American, Nathan Phillips, was participating in the Indigenous People's March, which was held the same day as the anti-choicers' confab. Phillips is a Vietnam veteran and a former director of the Native Youth Alliance.

Suffice it to say that whoever does media relations for this Kentucky high school is having a bad weekend. The school's contact information is all over social media, and Covington's administration has apologized and announced it's looking into expulsions. Meanwhile, people across the Twitter machine are attempting to out the Covington kids by name. We wish them great success in doing so, since these children's lives deserve to be ruined forever.

And now, all you MAGA miscreants and others who were offended by the Gillette ad: Please tell us again why it was so off-base? We cats dump our dirty litter boxes on your heads, and we HISS.

Our Worst Nightmare

By Hubie and Bertie

History refresher: Harry Truman could have run again for President in 1952, but decided not to.

Truman could have thrown his hat in the '52 ring because he had ascended to the Presidency just three months into Franklin D. Roosevelt's fourth term. See, in 1947, Republicans in Congress were so shell-shocked by FDR's long reign that they passed a law establishing the 22nd Amendment, which was ratified by the states in 1951. The amendment limits any President to two terms, and it also addresses any Vice President who, like Truman, succeeds a President who dies in — or otherwise leaves — office.

To wit: A Vice President who fills an unexpired Presidential term lasting more than two years is disallowed from winning election as President more than once.

Why are we cats quoting this dry Constitutional stuff? Because impeachment and/or resignation chatter is cresting mightily inside the Beltway and on social media — thanks to Buzzfeed's scoop that Donald Trump instructed Michael Cohen to lie to Congress (a federal crime).

We'd advise everyone to cool their jets. Because unless Donald Trump resigns before January 21, 2019, the ever-execrable Mike Pence would not just succeed him, but be eligible to be President for the next 10 years. He could run as an incumbent in 2020 and in 2024.

Include us out. We would rather deal with a wounded and impotent Benedict Donald than be saddled with a religious fanatic and hater to whom the media would undoubtedly grant the honey-est of honeymoons. It's the stuff nightmares are made of. We cats HISS.

Where's Mitch?

By Baxter

Is this photo adorable, or what? These are Democratic House freshmen, paying a visit to the Senate side of Capitol Hill to seek out Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. (Yes, that's Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez peering out of the elevator.) Needless to say, they didn't find him. Turtle Man was AWOL.

Which means that today was a real cheer-inducer. Goodness, how on message House Democrats are about the shutdown. And why shouldn't they be? Their fearless leader, Madam Super-Speaker, kicked off the day by taking away Donald Trump's TV privileges for January 29.

The freshmen dropped off "end the shutdown" letters to McConnell in his Majority Leader's office, his Senate office, at the cloakroom and on the Senate floor. No Mitch anywhere. But they promise to keep looking.

We love this, because with all the news swirling around alleged Russian asset Benedict Donald, all thinking people know that a major co-conspirator is McConnell, who refused to issue a bipartisan warning about Russian interference in 2016. These exploits by AOC and her House colleagues can only help the American people better understand how perniciously the Republicans are working against them.

P.S. Was McConnell absent because he was curled up in the fetal position somewhere over the renaming of Louisville's airport? Fans of Muhammad Ali want to know. We cats PURR.

After Barr, Brexit And Burgers, Some Relief

By Miss Kubelik

We cats found ourselves looking around for some good news today. No, not the silly stuff we see on our phones about kids with cancer raising money to save the snail darter. (Or something like that.) We wanted actual good news that we can take to the bank on a dark, dismal day.

And we found some! Here you go:

Donald Trump attempted to do an end run around Madam Super-Speaker by inviting Democratic House members to lunch at the White House to talk shutdown. To a person, the Democrats refused to take the bait. Or maybe they just thought they'd get leftover Wendy's.

A federal court judge halted the Trumpsters' plans to add a citizenship question to the 2020 census. Oh, and Wilbur Ross? When is he going to be impeached for lying to Congress? (He sure could be convicted of being ugly, which in his case is a high crime and misdemeanor.)

Canada granted asylum to Rahaf Mohammed, the young Saudi woman who was about to be deported back to the Kingdom to face — well, think about Jamal Khashoggi, and you get the idea. Yay, True North! We also love the fact that Foreign Affairs Minister Chrystia Freeland personally greeted Mohammed when she landed in Toronto. Wouldn't it be great if she had a female taxi driver too?

Finally, the best news of all: Randy Rainbow has a new song parody. You're welcome. We cats PURR.

House GOP Steering Committee Meets, Confiscates Steve King's Hood

By Zamboni

Official Republican repudiation of hate in their ranks has been so unimpressive — and in Donald Trump's case, nonexistent — that we cats didn't expect much from House GOP leaders regarding racist hater Steve King from Iowa.

We still don't. But at least tonight they've decided that King, a nine-term representative, would be barred from all committee assignments in the 116th Congress. This means that Iowa will have no Republican voice at the committee level anywhere in the House.

King is not happy. "Leader McCarthy's decision to remove me from committees is a political decision that ignores the truth!" he bleated. ("Ignores the truth"? The dude wondered aloud when the term "white supremacist" had become "offensive.")

Anything unpleasant that happens to Steve King makes our day. (And makes Trump even grumpier than he already is, we suspect.) But we're also breaking into Cheshire cat grins to think that finally Republican leaders have felt some heat for their party's bigotry and intolerance — at least, enough to make them do something. We cats PURR.

Lest We Furr-get: The Previously Worst

This dude used to top historians' lists of Worst President Ever because he punted on preventing the Civil War. He also doesn't look like the brightest bulb in the chandelier, does he?

Then James Buchanan got lucky, because about 60 years later this jackass came along. With his Teapot Dome scandal and his mistress in the closet, Warren Harding taught America what a mistake it was to elect a guy because he "looked" like a President.

Finally, there's old Tricky Dick, who would have been impeached and removed from office for obstruction of justice if he hadn't resigned first.

These three Presidents are all pretty terrible — greedy, inept, power-mad, resentful, weak, the list of adjectives goes on and on — but we'll say this for them: None of them colluded with a hostile foreign power against America. We cats HISS.

P.S. Yes, we cats know we left out George W. Bush, the Worst Person Who's Ever Lived from the pre-Trump era. We will deal with him soon in a separate post.

Donald Trump, World's Largest Hairball

By Sniffles

We cats loathe Donald Trump, and have always thought the worst of him when it came to Russia. We knew that Vladimir Putin hated our candidate, Hillary Clinton, and we knew that Trump had business interests in the former Soviet Union and that nothing else mattered to him — not even the well-being of the United States of Amerca.

(We'll refrain from digressing into the Republicans' affinity for "Country First"-type slogans, but only because John McCain is no longer around to defend them.)

Anyhoo, yes — we have long been convinced that Trump is a Russian asset, and have even tweeted as much. Still and all, last night's New York Times story — about the FBI opening an investigation into same — hit us like a punch. We literally felt sick to our stomachs.

Now, The Washington Post has published a story about Trump keeping his Putin meetings secret. Does that mean that in the run-up to the Mueller report, we're getting a leak a day?

Maybe. But here's what we're still waiting for: media retrospectives on Hillary Rodham Clinton's warnings from 2016— about how dangerous Donald Trump was, how he would toe the Putin line on foreign policy, military decisions, national security... the whole nine yards.

Is there a reason we're not seeing replays of Hillary's predictions on the news, night after night? Asking for 65 million Americans who voted for the smart woman who wasn't a traitor. In the meantime, we cats HISS.

Oh, Say, Can You AOC

By Hubie and Bertie

When Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez beat Joe Crowley in the Democratic Congressional primary in New York's 14th district, we cats were shocked — and sorry. We liked Joe. And we were certain of one thing: party-discipline-wise, this new House member was going to be a pain in the ass.

And so she's proven to be, in some ways. But House Democrats should cool their jets, because Republicans have made the very serious mistake of going after AOC themselves.

Trying to impugn her college-days dancing? Please. We cats are graceful as heck, but Ocasio-Cortez's moves are better than any of ours. Fake nude photos in The Daily Caller? Well, that went well, not. (There's also that little issue of FLOTUS posing bare-butted for real, but never mind.) For each one, AOC had a snappy comeback, and each backfired.

You wonder why the Republicans are so stupid as to target Ocasio-Cortez when they could just sit back and watch her roil her fellow Democrats — but then you remember how much the old white guys in the GOP want to control women. So right now, count us Democratic cats solidly in AOC's corner. We cats PURR.

P.S. This stupidity also extends to a certain former Senator and 2000 Vice Presidential nominee — whom Ocasio-Cortez just humiliated on the Twitter machine. Gosh! If anybody knows what it's like to not be the future of the Democratic Party, it's Joe Lieberman. We PURR again. 

Madam Super-Speaker

By Baxter

Remember the pundits who predicted that Donald Trump would benefit from a Democratic House of Representatives? Oh, how convinced they were: Trump relishes a fight, he loves having an enemy, he'd grow stronger from all the sparring.

Well, guess again.

Meanwhile, it's funny how nobody seemed to predict that same thing about Nancy Pelosi. But it's pretty clear that after only one week into her second Speakership, Pelosi's in full command — and Trump is slamming and flailing and storming and complaining.

Last time around, Pelosi served under a Democratic President, and despite her incredible legislative achievements, the pundits and prognosticators never gave her credit where credit was due. Now, she's up against a sociopath who's damaging the country in ways too numerous to count. And she's calling 'em like she sees 'em. Check out this press briefing from today, and the number of zingers she launched — all of them one hundred percent on target.

It's Pelosi who's stronger from the sparring, not Trump. When will the talking heads figure that out? We cats PURR and HISS at the same time.

Yes, Virginia, Virginia Is A Blue State

By Miss Kubelik

Not too long ago, Virginia Republicans, under the rule of now-disgraced Governor "Transvaginal Bob" McDonnell, said in no uncertain terms that Democrats in the Old Dominion were irrelevant. Democrats, they were sure, had no bench, and no hope of ever overcoming the natural electoral advantage that the state GOP had.

What a difference a decade makes. Here's the latest reason we know: A pro-gay-rights Democrat has won a special election to fill the State Senate seat left vacant by newly inaugurated US Representative Jennifer Wexton, who in November kicked Republican Congresswoman Barbara Comstock to the curb. Jennifer Boysko didn't just eke out a victory — she won by 40 points.

And now Democratic Governor Ralph Northam will need to call a special election to fill Boysko's House of Delegates seat. Will Virginia Republicans even run anybody?

Meanwhile, the last two Republicans to have run statewide, Corey Stewart and Chinless Ed Gillespie, are riding off into the sunset — Stewart to quit politics and be a white supremacist full-time, and Chinless to return to the B-list political talk-show circuit. And what about Transvaginal Bob? After all these years, he's filed for divorce. (Bob's apparently just figured out that Maureen was an embarrassment to him. Not bright, that one.)

Well, maybe the Republicans will find a candidate for Boysko's legislative seat after all. Surely there's some lonely Stewart knock-off who, undaunted, will pledge to wage vicious social-issue warfare in multicultural, progressive Fairfax County. He'll be tilting at windmills in a sea of blue. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Wall-To-Wall Craziness Edition

By Zamboni

We cats are pleased that Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer will rebut Donald Trump's made-up "emergency" address to the nation tonight. It's so SOTU, isn't it? And that's made us wonder: Has Trump just unwittingly stepped on his own State of the Union? We'll think on it awhile. In the meantime, here are a few other observations for another nutty day.

Trump says that Pelosi, as a "good Catholic," should support a border wall because the Vatican has one. Boy, we would have loved to have been in the room when Speaker Pelosi heard that one. Because you know, when the Founders were developing our system of government, the Vatican did not exactly make their list of models to emulate.

Speaking of rebuttals, the idea of sending Beto O'Rourke back to the border tomorrow — to publicly correct the certain lies and inaccuracies that Benedict Donald will tell tonight — is a good one. Who do we call/write/tweet to make that happen? (Oh! — here you go.)

Failed Republican Senate candidate/white supremacist Corey Stewart is leaving politics. Boo-hoo! No doubt he took a poll and saw that his chances for re-election to the Prince William County, Virginia, Board of Supervisors were negatory in the extreme. But instead, he's cloaking his decision as Virginians being out of touch with his ideas. "Until and unless the Commonwealth is ready for my views on things," is how he put it. We cats vote for "unless." But if Corey's stuck on "until," perhaps he could move to Alabama or Mississippi.

Trump says that federal workers missing paychecks during the shutdown should "make adjustments." We wonder: What "adjustments" would those be? Not pay the rent? Not pay the heat? Not buy gas or groceries? Since the White House switchboard is on hiatus and people can't call Trump to ask for clarification, we suggest they call their Republican Senators and members of Congress and ask them: 202-225-3121.

Finally, a word about a word. "Emergency" connotes something of extreme and immediate urgency. That's why you go to the emergency room when you have a heart attack. On a national level, it's the Pearl-Harbor-9/11-type event. It is not four guys on the terrorist watch list trying to cross the Rio Grande. We cats despise Donald Trump's misuse of language, but especially this. And we HISS.

Hoovervilles, 2019

By Sniffles

We cats heartily endorse Chris Van Hollen's idea, that his fellow Senate Democrats should refuse to consider any unrelated legislation until the Senate votes to end the Trump Shutdown.

In the meantime, we hope that people are making videos of the garbage and other crap piling up in the national parks for our 2020 campaign ads. It's so obvious that Trump thought shutting down the government merely meant stiffing 800,000 federal employees, and nothing more. Emergency plans to use non-budgeted money to clean up the parks now would be laughable if they weren't so upsetting.

We also approve Richard Painter's suggestion that federal workers who can't pay their bills camp out in "Trump Towns" — and use the sanitary facilities — at Benedict Donald's Washington, DC hotel and at Trump Tower in New York. "The mayor and police chief can keep the place nice and clean, just like a detention center on the border," Painter says. "Keeping visitors and emoluments flowing into Trump properties is surely their top priority."

That merits a Cheshire cat grin! We also PURR.

Toto, I Don't Think We're In Kansas...

By Hubie and Bertie

Pat Roberts has chosen the first few days of the 116th Congress to declare that he won't run for re-election in 2020. Wow, that didn't take him long, did it?

Was it the "impeach the motherfucker" comment? AOC dancing her way into her Congressional office? Or Nancy Pelosi racking up win after win after win in media coverage and public opinion, as new energy has been injected in the previously desultory Congress? Whatever — Roberts has obviously decided WTF, he's outta there.

AND you know what? The idea of picking up this Senate seat is not totally far-fetched.

Democrats almost won Kansas's other Senate seat last time — and now we have a Democratic Governor. We won one of four House races in Kansas, and almost won a second one. Plus we've flipped a slew of state house and state senate seats — capped off by a handful of female state legislators who have switched parties.

Not to mention that we expect the Republicans will have a divisive Senate primary. Pop the popcorn, grab a seat!

So, to recap: Cory Gardner in Colorado is running scared. Susan Collins in Maine is running scared. Thom Tillis in North Carolina and Martha McSally in Arizona ought to be running scared. And now we've got an open seat in Kansas. How soon before we're talking John Cornyn? We cats PURR.

On The Shoulders Of Giants

"Wearing white for our swearing in was a small way we could honor those who paved the way for us. Their journey might have been slightly different, but our struggle to achieve full equality is the same."

—US Representative Ilhan Omar (D-Minnesota)

The Fall Of The House Of Ryan

 

By Baxter

What a joyful day it was on Capitol Hill. (And how long has it been since we've been able to say that?) Not only did the House of Representatives start looking like America again, but over in the Senate, cracks started appearing in Benedict Donald's wall.

Our only quibble: Those blue buttons that Democratic House members were wearing in support of Nancy Pelosi were slightly misspelled. Correctly, it would be "Madam Speaker." (Not "Madame.") Otherwise, no complaints. We cats PURR.

P.S. Yes, we know that Kyrsten Sinema is a Senator and not a House member. But her powerful presence made Mike Pence so visibly uncomfortable that we just had to include her. Love the fact, too, that she got sworn in on a law book, not a Bible. We cats PURR again.

Lest We Furr-get: The Way It Used To Be

By Miss Kubelik

Benedict Donald's behavior was completely off the wall today — pun intended. We wonder how much more America can take. (At least, by tomorrow, the Democrats will be in charge in the House of Representatives. That can't happen quickly enough.)

In the meantime, though, Trump has gotten so weird that we've started feeling nostalgic again for how the White House used to run — you know, when a grownup was in charge. Will it be able to get back to normal after this Trump sociopath leaves?

We prefer to be optimistic and say yes. So here are some things we'd like to see:

High-level White House jobs and political appointments, including ambassadorships, will be filled. People will stay in them for more than a few days, weeks or months.

White House press briefings will not only take place more frequently, they will actually happen. Other press-related occasions like the holiday reception will also resume without fanfare. (We cats don't care about the White House Correspondents' Dinner, which is an idiotic event.)

The President will have shared his/her tax returns with the American people, and it will not be considered odd.

Cabinet officers will not lie, cheat or steal.

The White House will issue official statements and other documents without grammatical and punctuation errors.

Our allies will be our allies again, and not be insulted, hung up on, or otherwise made to feel nervous or unsure. Likewise, our adversaries will once more be rightfully wary and warned.

Nazis, white supremacists and other haters will stop feeling able to abuse minorities and other people in public.

Most important: The President will never, ever tweet. That will make us cats — and everybody — PURR.

If Joe Says It's So

By Zamboni

We cats have a soft spot for Joe Biden. Just that — a soft spot. We believe he was a terrific Vice President for Barack Obama, and with the exception of the Senate Judiciary Committee hearings on Clarence Thomas and Anita Hill, he was a good US Senator.

He was never our first choice when he ran for President earlier, but we would have been more than okay with voting for him if he'd won the Democratic nomination. We were pleased when Obama picked him as his running mate in 2008.

And today there's no doubt in our minds that he's running for President again. Even before analyses like this came out, we were completely convinced when, on Election Night 2017, he called Virginia Delegate-elect Danica Roem to congratulate her on becoming the first transgender member of the state legislature. A former Vice President doesn't do that unless he wants to line up his Democratic ducks in an important primary-season state like the Old Dominion.

Despite smart moves like that, we're not sure that Biden understands the obstacles he would face in a 2020 run. We've seen way too many tweets from women who swear they'll never vote for him because of what happened to Anita Hill. And there's a real hunger in the Democratic for new young leadership — how else do you explain the phenomenon that is Beto O'Rourke?

So Joe needs to think about a couple of things. One is that he'd better get Professor Hill to endorse him — in fact, not just endorse him, but appear with him at a media event and stand next to him and swear that everything is okay now and she thinks he'd be the greatest President ever. The other is that he should pledge to only serve one term, and announce his pick for VP right away. And that pick had better be a woman. Just our two cents. In the meantime, we cats welcome the New Year, and we PURR.