A New Low

By Baxter

Did you know that Honduras, Guatemala and El Salvador were Mexican countries? Neither did we.

We also don't know what "Mexican countries" are. There is only Mexico. Of course, there's Mexican food, and Mexican music, and Mexican artists. And the Mexico attraction at Epcot. But Mexican countries? Hm.

We cats have often found ourselves disgusted at the chyrons we see on cable news — usually because of misspellings and other grammatical goofs. But this is a new one. Not only is it stupid on its face, it feeds the foolish bigotry of your typical FOX viewer.

Sigh. Remember the good old days, when we joked about the sitting Vice President saying he wished he'd studied Latin before going to Latin America? How innocent we all were. Today we are drowning in ignorance and hate, and FOX "News" is a big reason why. We cats HISS.

Deep Bench

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have had a thought. Actually, we have lots of thoughts — but today we had one in particular:

That, as disastrous as Donald Trump is for America and the world, he and his hideous Administration of gangsters, criminals and grifters have been very good for the Democratic Party.

Is that a bad thing? Or is it that, by energizing the Democrats and decimating the GOP, Drumpf may have consigned the Republicans to the wilderness for years to come (first, while we fix everything they broke, and second, while we get some serious progressive policy enacted)?

And how do we know that he's been good for us? Well, let us count the ways.

1. Americans are so disgusted with both the behavior and the policies of Donald Drumpf that they are turning out to see our 2020 Democratic candidates in droves.

2. Americans are so disgusted with and repelled by Drumpf that they're giving tons of money to our Democratic candidates.

3. Americans are so disgusted with and repelled by Drumpf that the vetting process for our Democratic candidates has been accelerated. Pete Buttigieg is Exhibit A on this. Of course, he's also brilliant and adorable, but still, he's 37 years old and mayor of South Bend, Indiana, and you get the idea.

4. Americans are so disgusted with Drumpf that all 2020 Democrats are getting a serious look-see by the press. Jay Inslee's climate change message is resonating. Cory Booker gets time to talk about how his faith affects his politics, and in language that people understand. Kamala Harris is seen as what she is: a force to be reckoned with. Beto gets to be Beto beyond 2018. And so on.

Not only that, but the folks who normally would be expected to cheerlead the Republican Party's revival — Jennifer Rubin, David Jolly, Nicolle Wallace, Bill Kristol — are walking away.

This is comforting to know in a week in which the press has bought hook, line and sinker the Attorney General's phony letter about the Mueller report. Before we get too depressed about how gullible and shallow the media are, we can hold fast to the depth of the Democratic bench, and how much people seem to be appreciating it. And we PURR.

We Love New York

By Zamboni

With budget bills that are scheduled to be voted on in Albany this Monday, New York is set to become the second state after California to issue a ban on single-use plastic bags.

Baby steps, we know. Bags should be outlawed across the universe — and New York will allow some exceptions, like for restaurant takeout. But it still has us Empire Staters cheering, because it's a nudge in the right direction.

After all, what's wrong with good old paper? It's recyclable, and if our fellow shoppers want to ask for paper over plastic, they can chip in a nickel a bag and help support New York's Environmental Protection Fund. So it is all good.

We hope this new law — which is a direct result of the state legislature flipping Democratic last November — will give AOC and the other Gen Zers who are freaked out about the uninhabitable planet they're going to inherit reason to smile for at least a minute or two. We cats are right there with them. With our nine lives, we'll be around a lot longer than Donald Drumpf, Mitch McConnell and all the other Republicans who block and destroy sensible environmental laws. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Cat Fight! Barbara Bush Vs. Nancy Reagan

By Sniffles

If there's a Washington title more ridiculous than "First Lady," it's the awkward and condescending "Second Lady," right? So stupid. But we cats are highly amused by the upcoming biography, The Matriarch, by Susan Page, particularly the juicy bits about how much the "Ladies" — the First (Nancy Reagan) and Second (Barbara Bush) — hated each other.

Boy, if there's ever a fight you don't want to pick a side in because both parties are despicable, this is one. The first was a third-rate actress and imperious phony, while the second was a self-entitled patrician who styled herself as a tart-but-lovable grandmother because was white-haired and stout. Oh, and as it turns out, she made a habit of compromising her beliefs.

So Nancy kept crossing George and Bar off her White House party lists? Horrors! That must have really hurt in 1985, when our Nation's Capital went batsh*t crazy for the visiting Prince and Princess of Wales. (We know, we were there.) We wish Bar had gotten quite as upset over her and her husband's knuckling under to anti-choice nutbags in the Republican Party. She had believed that women's reproductive decisions were "personal" — "but after her husband joined Ronald Reagan's anti-abortion ticket in 1980, she kept her views to herself."

Pathetic.

As for Bar's horror at Donald Trump? We'd bet money that it had nothing to do with a disgust at Trump's general odiousness and everything to do with the fact that he belittled (and beat) her adored and equally self-entitled son "Jeb" in the primaries. And you can draw a straight line from George H.W. Bush's 1988 campaign, with its Willie Horton race-baiting, to the rise of Benedict Donald and his build-the-wall hate.

Finally, although not as important as the enabling the rise of the GOP's new fascism, there's this: An anonymous member of the "Bushes' inner circle" confirms to Page that GHWB had a long-running extramarital affair. (Ugh.) Remembering how aghast the Bushes were in 1992, not just to have lost the White House after only one term but to lose to someone they saw as a lesser man than Poppy, we just have to say that Republicans' hypocrisy continues to know no bounds. We cats HISS.

Fred Is Dead

By Hubie and Bertie

Here's how you know all that "Jexodus" crap the Trumpsters are throwing around is just that — crap.

We just ran across the obituary of a man who has made the world better by leaving it: Fred Malek. GOP fundraiser, Marriott executive, Jew-hunter extraordinaire.

At the behest of Richard Nixon, an anti-Semite who was President 45 years ago, then-Republican Party deputy chair Fred Malek diligently worked to root out Jewish employees at the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

"See, the Jews are all through the government, and we have got to get in those areas," Nixon said to Bob Haldeman on one of his infamous White House tapes. "We’ve got to get a man in charge who is not Jewish to control the Jewish."

That man was Malek, who turned up a handful of folks at the BLS who were subsequently reassigned and/or demoted. You can see from his obit that it haunted him the rest of his life. Good. It should have.

So, with this storied history — of which this tale is only a tiny piece — why would Jewish Americans be stampeding to the Republican Party? The answer is: They're not.

On a similar note, we cats will deal with the new Barbara Bush revelations later. In the meantime, we HISS.

From The Salt Lake Tribune

We'll just leave this here. And of course we PURR.

And Now, Something That Has Nothing To Do With The Mueller Report.

By Baxter

Okay, maybe it does. As in, don't let the fascists win.

Today we cats ran across the obit of the last eyewitness to the 1937 destruction of Guernica during the Spanish Civil War — which was immortalized by Pablo Picasso in this painting. German and Italian planes, warming up for World War II, killed 1,600 civilians that day.

We're posting this as a reminder that liberal democracy is fragile, and it's important that we step up to preserve it. Today in the US, we may not have Nazis bombing our cities, but we're still in danger.

So here's a chilling reminder of how bad things can get:

"During World War II, Picasso, living in Nazi-occupied Paris, recalled a German officer popping into his studio to see his work and pointing to a large photograph of the Guernica painting. Did you do that, the officer asked. 'No, you did,' replied the maestro."

Nobody's Read The Muller Report.

By Miss Kubelik

Maybe not even Bill Barr.

We cats decided we needed to let a day (or nearly a day) go by before we'd even dare to opine on the Barr-Mueller sh*tstorm that hit yesterday afternoon. As of now, things are still shaking out, from what we can tell. But we'll go ahead and chance a few observations.

The four-page letter that Barr released yesterday is not what Mueller said. It is what Barr said Mueller said, plus a head-scratching "no obstruction" conclusion that has no supporting documentation. If we've learned anything from years of watching events this complex unfold, it's that headlines (and story lines) will change.

The most important headline we've seen so far, ironically enough, is from POLITICO: "Pelosi wins breathing room on impeachment." This is correct, and it is good. Impeachment is a political process, not the same as a court of law. Democratically controlled impeachment hearings would change the political dynamic in ways we probably don't want — right now. First, they would cast Benedict Donald as a victim, an identity we already know he loves to embrace. And if by some miracle the Senate voted to convict, they would give us President Pence, which cannot, cannot, cannot happen.

Investigative hearings, however, are just fine.

Meanwhile, "no collusion" as a re-elect battle cry? You've got to be kidding. Even Trumps have to have higher standards than that.

All that said, the question of obstruction was not, repeat, not put to bed. And as we watch the tug-of-war over AG letters and full reports and everything else, we're smugly thinking one thing: That the Democratic Presidential candidates, by choosing not to focus on Mueller on the campaign trail, are looking very smart. Barack Obama-like, they know we're in this for the long game.

And of course Benedict Donald will behave badly about all this (and already has), which will not redound to his benefit.

Finally, a note that is both discouraging and encouraging at the same time. Observers we admire have long cautioned us against assuming that someone would swoop in and smite Trump for all his nefarious crimes. A lot of folks on social media were pinning that on the Special Counsel (despite the myriad investigations of Trump at many, many levels). Now, we sense that many are feeling deflated.

You know what yesterday really showed? That we're like the Andes survivors — finally realizing that there is no one coming to save us. There is only us. We have to save ourselves.

The future of our American democracy depends on 2020. We cats sit, switch our tails, and wait.

May Day

One million people marched in London today to call for a new referendum on Brexit — and to display clever signs. We cats PURR.

King Of The Forest (Not Queen, Not Duke, Not Prince)

By Zamboni

This adorable photo tops a gruesome story that we cats, out of respect for delicate human sensibilities, decided only to link to without providing images.

Seems that a hunter in South Africa purposely killed a family of baboons and then positioned the bodies so that they would attract lions — which, of course, he also intended to kill.

It worked, but not in the way he intended. The lions attacked and ate him instead. Alive.

Reports are that they chowed down on everything except his head. No idea when his screaming stopped.

We loathe big-game hunters — so hooray for the lions! The only down side of this story: The hunter was not named Trump. We cats PURR.

Jimmy Carter, Still Flying High

By Sniffles

A good deal of Jimmy Carter's appeal when he ran for President in 1976 was his outsider-ness. It was a bare two years since the hideous Richard Nixon had had to resign in disgrace, and Washington needed fresh blood.

Another reason was that Carter famously promised the American people, "I will never lie to you." And gosh, you know what? He never did. How amazing that seems now, with Donald Trump fibbing a thousand times a day, every day.

Today, Carter officially became the longest-living US President ever, having just passed George H.W. Bush, and we hope he'll rack up many days more. Since he's brain-cancer-free now and fixated on celebrating the death of the last guinea worm, we say: Aim for 100, Mr. President!

It sure is satisfying to see Jimmy Carter — who, thanks to the Republicans' relentless revisionism, was a much better President than he gets credit for — outlive all those GOP clowns who ridiculed and belittled him. And how wonderful that he, and not Ronald "Tear Down this Wall" Reagan, received the Nobel Peace Prize. We're sure that rankled Ronnie and Nancy to their bitter ends.

True to form, the Carters had no big celebrations today. But we cats wish him and Mrs. Carter health and happiness for years to come. And of course we PURR.

Oh, Say, Can You AOC — Part Deux

By Hubie and Bertie

As we've mentioned before, we cats are perfectly happy to have the Trumpsters, the GOP and their idiot allies over at Fox & Friends pick on Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. Have at it, guys!

Why not? It just makes her star shine brighter and serves as an in-your-face reminder that we Democrats have a deep, deep bench. In addition to the thousands of great Democratic candidates running for President — that would exclude Tulsi Gabbard, who loves Bashar al-Assad, Bernie Sanders, who is not a Democrat, and after his stupid town hall flub last night, John Hickenlooper — 2017 and 2018 brought a ton of highly qualified young Democrats into elected office. Delegate Danica Roem of Virginia, for one. AOC for another.

Ocasio-Cortez is only 29 years old. Unless she truly screws up, she'll be around for years.

But we don't see her screwing up. When she beat Joe Crowley in their Congressional primary, we were surprised and, at first, unhappy. We liked Joe, and we were afraid that, as a House member, AOC was going to be a pain in Nancy Pelosi's behind. Then we realized how much Joe had taken for granted, and how lazy he'd gotten about his campaign. And of course once she got to Congress, AOC has been a pain not in Pelosi's behind but in the Republicans'. Good for her!

She's been terrific. Her trolling of the GOP online and her no-nonsense, substantive questioning in hearings have been both amusing and deeply satisfying. We cats say, you go, girl — and we PURR.

Twitter Will Not Be Cowed

By Baxter

We cats like cows. Not just because they appear to like us, but they give milk, and we like milk. Yes, cows contribute to global warming, but as President Kennedy said, our problems are man-made, and they can be solved by man. (Or woman.)

Republican Congressman and all-around Trumpy quisling Devin Nunes does not like cows. At least, he does not like a parody Twitter account called Devin Nunes' Cow — so much so that he's suing it, and Twitter, and everyone else who's hurt his widdle feewings, for $250 million.

We heard about this and immediately decided to follow Devin Nunes' Cow. The account is now up to 226,000 followers, up from a couple thousand mere hours ago.

It's all very a-moo-zing, and Nunes is an idiot — but stop laughing for a second and realize what he's doing here: trying to silence political opponents by tying them up in frivolous lawsuits and costing them untold dollars in legal fees.

How despicable. How un-American. How Trumpian.

We cannot wait for this horrifying chapter in our nation's history to be over, and for all these acolytes of Benedict Donald to crawl back under their rocks where they belong. In the meantime, spare good thoughts for the cow. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: The Race To Date

By Miss Kubelik

We cats have been watching the 2020 Democratic Presidential contenders and taking notes. (And yes, for simplicity's sake, let's include Bernie Sanders in that group despite the fact that he is not a Democrat. He's an Independent who caucuses with the Democrats in the Senate, and our furry faces are blue from having repeated it so many times.)

Here are our observations so far. Bear in mind that this can change, but this is how we feel at the moment.

Inside-the-Beltway pundits may laugh at the number of candidates who have thrown their hats (or who are thinking about throwing hats) in the ring. But we cats love it. Unlike the Republicans, we have a deep bench and a ton of energy and enthusiasm on our side. These are strengths, and the more thoughtful members of the GOP (if there are any left) are surely envious.

While we generally refrain from trashing fellow Democrats, we are willing to break that rule for the Assad-loving Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii. How much is Vladimir Putin paying her to run? We don't know, but we're enjoying the paltry crowds she's pulling.

We will happily trash Coffee Man as much as we please, as we will anyone who threatens an Independent run. How delicious that he had to apologize for that incredibly stupid thing he said about the military.

On that note, we are head over heels in love with Mayor Pete, whose brilliant tweet first shamed Coffee Man into his mea culpa. Buttigieg has shone so well so quickly, and gotten so much good press, that we no longer have to look up the spelling of his name. Gosh, if only he were a teensy-weensy bit older and held a state or federal office.

Bernie Sanders is trying to fundraise off Beto O'Rourke's monster first-day money haul by pointing out in an email to supporters that "we more than likely had a lot more individual donations than he did." Whut? How ridiculous. This is beyond Inside Baseball. Even loyal Democratic primary voters don't care that much.

Kirsten Gillibrand's launch video was excellent. Ditto Cory Booker's.

We think Joe Biden will make an excellent Secretary of State since he, like Hillary in 2009, will have to repair relations with allies and clean up the worldwide mess that the Trumpsters have made.

We don't quite get all the Beto love, but we welcome him to the race because the Republicans seem very afraid of him. We are also very interested in hearing more from Jay Inslee.

Finally, our #1, top-slot candidate is still Senator Kamala Harris of California. She's smart, tough, beautiful, and in our humble opinion will run a hell of a general election race against Benedict Donald or whoever is President a year and a half from now. And the GOP is scared of her, too. They should be. We cats PURR.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

By Zamboni

In 2011, President Barack Obama traveled to Ireland and visited Moneygall, the town where his great-great-great-grandfather lived. Rapturous welcome. Can't imagine that happening anywhere in Western Europe with the current occupant of the White House.

We post this photo from Obama's Twitter feed because this St. Patrick's Day, we just want to feel happy for a little bit instead of outraged all the time. And of course we want to PURR.

Obamaesque

By Sniffles

On a terrible day like today, when we seem overwhelmed with awfulness, let us concentrate on elegance instead.

Like Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern of New Zealand, who donned a hijab in solidarity with her Muslim constituents (all 1 percent of them, we might add). This is a look that we've always wished we could pull off.

Like Pete Buttigiegg, Mayor of South Bend, Indiana, who is running for President. In the wake of the Christchurch attacks, he wrote a letter to the Muslims of his city. "We all live here as one," he said, "and whether you grew up right here in South Bend or whether this is your first year in America, you have an equal claim on the blessings of life in this community, and a great deal to contribute. And so we are thankful to count you among us."

Like Chelsea Clinton, who was accosted by NYU students at a vigil for the New Zealand victims, and who responded with calm and empathy.

Like Dick's Sporting Goods, which in a retail profile in courage has pulled more guns and ammo from their shelves.

Finally, like Beto O'Rourke, whom we cats have not yet endorsed for President but who continues to say stuff we believe in. Here's his latest: "It doesn't matter if you got here six generations ago or six days ago. You are my fellow American." We cats PURR.

Take. The. Guns. Away.

By Hubie and Bertie

It wasn't so long ago that Jacinda Ardern, the Prime Minister of New Zealand, was best known for bringing her baby to the UN General Assembly. Wish that were still true today.

Instead, the world is re-learning who Ardern is after 49 people were killed in a white supremacist terror attack at two mosques in Christchurch. We cats were impressed with her calm, her cool, and her immediate declaration that "gun laws will change. Now is the time."

How lucky New Zealand is, not to have a Second Amendment or an NRA.

Meanwhile, here in the US our fearless leader was asked about the rise of white nationalism and whether he thinks it's a problem. After racially and ethnically motivated shootings in a Charleston church, a Sikh temple in Wisconsin, a synagogue in Pittsburgh, and now the mosques in New Zealand, Benedict Donald said, "I don’t really. I think it’s a small group of people that have very, very serious problems."

Yes, very serious problems, and lots and lots and lots of guns. It will take time to work on people's hearts, but the world can start solving the gun problem right now. Take them away. We cats HISS.

Ebullience Personified

By Baxter

Now here's a human being we'll miss: former Senator Birch Bayh of Indiana. Just reading his obituary in The New York Times, we're overwhelmed with how small the US Senate has become.

Title IX, lowering the voting age to 18, the 25th amendment — any one of those would be a signature career achievement. Birch Bayh did 'em all and more.

What had slipped our minds, though, was his campaign to eliminate the Electoral College. It's like he knew 2016 was going to happen! (And 2004... and 2000... sigh.)

Senator Bayh was 91, so we can't complain. For a human, he lived a long time. But we're still sad. For all his fellow Americans, he made life not only better but more fun. We cats PURR.

Cindy Lou Who?

By Miss Kubelik

One of the downsides of having nine lives is that you're cursed with annoying memories, particularly when it comes to calling out the bottomless hypocrisies of the GOP.

With all these stories coming out about Cindy Yang, who owned that South Florida "massage parlor" where Robert Kraft got blown n' busted— and how she was boasting on her now-defunct website that she could get Chinese businesspeople a golden ticket to Mar-A-Lago for a hefty fee — we've been thinking a lot about 1996.

That was when the Clinton-Gore re-election campaign was accused of raising money from Chinese interests (some even at a Buddhist temple), and Republicans were screaming, absolutely screaming, for a special counsel. Attorney General Janet Reno turned them down. "I try to do one thing: what's right," she said. "I am trying to follow the independent counsel statute as it has been framed by Congress."

Well! The GOP just never got over it. Congressman Dan Burton of Indiana was particularly whiny about it. What a pain in the butt he was.

Of course, back then there were no websites to advertise Presidential access for sale, and the world didn't yet know what a selfie was. So this latest Chinese scandal is a little more explosive. Still, have any Republicans spoken out about it? Or will it just be added to the giant pile of Trump crimes that threatens to overwhelm us all? We cats HISS.

"Cheerleader For The Porn-Star Presidency"

By Zamboni

This is the perfect answer to a hypothetical — something politicians are warned never to entertain. But we've rarely seen a candidate handle it so well, and with complete, uncanned sincerity.

Pete Buttigieg is from Indiana, so he knows his Pence. We cats think we're in love, and we PURR.

Shots In The Dark

By Sniffles

The last time we cats bit a human, it was because we were in the midst of being medicated. The human's finger was between our sharp little teeth and we just chomped. What can we say? The human should have been more careful.

We weren't against the medication, mind you — any more than the human was against the medication she received in the wake of this unfortunate incident. It included a round of antibiotics and a tetanus shot, and was gladly taken. Because you never want to mess around with tetanus.

But tell that to the parents in Oregon whose unvaccinated six-year-old child ended up in the hospital with tetanus for nearly two months — unable to open his mouth, on a ventilator and squirreled away from any stimuli that might aggravate his muscle spasms.

Oh, and he racked up an $800,000 bill. Unclear who's paying for it.

Here's what drives us crazy. Even after the kid's agonizing hospital stay, the parents are refusing further shots.

Isn't that child abuse? At the very least, we cats hope that in 12 years or so, that unfortunate boy is able to get away from those disgusting flat-earthers who call themselves parents, find his own apartment, get his vaccinations and join the 21st century. We're rooting for him. In the meantime, we HISS.

Gag!

By Hubie and Bertie

Congratulations to the Democratic National Committee for shutting FOX "News" out of its 2020 Presidential debates. FOX has truly become a cancer on American journalism, and treating it as if it's a legitimate news network has simply got to stop.

And suddenly we're in the mood for Chinese food. Wonder why?

Well, more on that later, no doubt. (Jeffrey Epstein is not the only South Florida story that's potentially dangerous to Trump.) Meanwhile, we still haven't recovered from Benedict Donald's epic rant at CPAC last week. Our minds were boggled in 2016 that anybody could look at Trump and think they saw a President. He's exponentially worse now.

At one point during Trump's Castroesque two hours, he threatened to issue an executive order that would cut off funds to any college or university that doesn't allow right-wing haters like Richard Spencer or Milo Yiannopoulos to speak on campus. Free speech, everybody! The CPACers cheered wildly.

But CPACers also cheered the new gag orders on federally funded family planning providers who serve low-income patients. You know why, of course. We're still waiting for some woman who had a Trump-related abortion to defy her NDA and come forward, but for right now, we're confused. Isn't the right to discuss contraception and/or pregnancy termination free speech? We cats HISS.

The Best Brain?

By Baxter

So it seems that a rich white guy who likes to watch other guys rape his wife and who works for murderous despots and sells out his country in the process only gets about four years in the hoosegow from a Bush-appointed judge in Virginia.

That's infuriating, but it's good to know that that same rich white guy is going to be sentenced by a different judge in the District of Columbia next week. Deep breaths.

Also, we think that this light sentence makes it more difficult for Benedict Donald to pardon his nefarious friend. As B.D. himself would say, we'll see what happens.

Meanwhile, while we're on the subject, Fordham University apparently has released one semester of Trump's grades, revealing that he's not quite the brilliant mind he thinks he is. Thank you, Fordham — your timing is exquisite. We cats PURR and HISS at the same time.

UPDATE: We cats are not sure this transcript is real. We are investigating — but we'll still leave it up, because even if it's fake, it's GOT to be close to the truth.

Photo Phun

By Miss Kubelik

News flash: "The Republican Party of Virginia says it will give $1,000 to anyone who turns up a photo of Attorney General Mark Herring in blackface." (Just $1,000? Surely with that massive tax giveaway that Trump gave them, they can afford more than that.)

Well, never mind. This just proves that the Virginia GOP saw the whole blackface story slipping away from them, and they had come up with a gimmick to revive it.

So, fine. We will see them and raise them.

We cats will give 10 cans of tuna to anyone who can produce a photo of:

• Transvaginal Bob McDonald at the wheel of his scuzzball supplement scammer's Ferrari
• Transvaginal Bob McDonald showing off his Rolex from same scuzzball scammer
• Transvaginal's wife Maureen handing out the scuzzball's phony supplements at Governor's mansion events
• Any Virginia Republican elected official at a Klan rally (only eight cans of tuna for Corey Stewart, because he's too obvious)
• Any Virginia Republican elected official speaking to a white supremacist group (ditto on Stewart)
• Donald Trump on the arm of a woman not his wife

Whoops! How did that last one get in there? Is it because we know that Virginia Republicans, like everyone in the GOP, are hypocritical defenders of Benedict Donald? We cats HISS.

Checklist

By Zamboni

More good news about who will not run for President next year: Michael Bloomberg is taking a pass. We cats truly appreciate Hizzoner's statement that we must instead "nominate a Democrat who will be in the strongest position to defeat Donald Trump and bring our country back together."

We do have a suggestion for Bloomberg, however. Please, sir, feel most welcome to drop $500 million on taking back the Senate, protecting House freshman and destroying Coffee Man. Public service at its best!

We also had another thought about that list of 81 Trumpsters from whom the House Judiciary Committee is demanding documents. It's such a breathtaking roster, and so illustrative of this Administration's perfidy, that we decided to create a "to do" list for anyone thinking about going to work for Benedict Donald.

Dear Idiot,

So you've received an offer from the Russian asset in the Oval Office? A word to the wise. Whether it's for a job in the White House, an executive agency, the RNC or the 2020 campaign, get ready to:

• Say goodbye to every friend/relative you have who is not a Trumpster.
• Say goodbye to your reputation (and, as in the case of Michael Cohen, maybe your freedom).
• Call your doctor and get prescriptions for Xanax, Ambien, etc.
• Hire a lawyer, or a bunch of lawyers.
• Start a GoFundMe campaign to pay your legal bills.

Last but not least, prepare to be thrown under a bus at some point. It's inevitable, when you work for gangsters. We cats HISS.

Rogues' Gallery

By Sniffles

We cats are pleased that Eric Holder has decided not to run for President. First, because we don't want anything bad to happen to him. Second, we cheer on his efforts to lift the wretched GOP curse of gerrymandering, a much better use for his time and one that's a true service to our nation. And maybe most of all, the thought of living through nearly two years of teabagger screaming about "Fast & Furious" made us want to hack up a hairball.

Otherwise, the Democratic field continues to grow, which is A-okay with us. What a deep bench we have, even if we find one or two of the candidates objectionable. (We're hoping they crash and burn on their own before we have to waste pixels on them.)

We Democrats will need to get serious about 2020 soon, because it is past time to end the United States' alarming transition to autocracy. As the House Judiciary Committee's list today shows, the conspiracy of obstruction, corruption and abuses of power is broad and deep. It involves mysterious accountants (Allen Weisselberg), in-over-their-heads sons (Eric Trump), two-bit hacks (Jerome Corsi, Roger Stone), insidious traitors (Jared Kushner, K.T. McFarland, Michael Flynn and Michael Flynn Jr.), mercenary thugs (Erik Prince), fat goofballs (Sam Nunberg), and evil lobbyists (the National Rifle Association). In a simple catalog of 81 names, the scope of the Trump disaster is manifested in all its awfulness. (And yes, we know some names are missing.)

Judiciary's list is also a brutal indictment of the spineless collusion of House Republicans, who for two years sat on their asses and did nothing about any of this. Finally, under us Democrats, Congress is doing its job — oversight, checks and accountability.

Michael Cohen was right when he told GOP committee members last week, "I did the same thing that you’re doing now for 10 years...The more people that follow Mr. Trump as I did, blindly, are going to suffer the same consequences that I’m suffering." Amen to that. We cats can't wait for that day, and we PURR.

Blowhard

By Hubie and Bertie

We cats noticed that "Fidel Castro" was trending on Twitter this afternoon. We wondered why. Castro's been dead since 2016. Turned out he was trending because Donald Trump gave a two-hour-plus speech at CPAC today — and people were comparing him to Fidel, who tended to go on a bit.

Yes, folks, two years into the Trump nightmare, we have officially entered Latin American dictator territory.

Did nobody at CPAC have to visit the litter box in those two hours? What if you were a dedicated Trump fan and claimed your seats two or three hours ahead of time? Did you pee in your pants? On second thought, don't tell us — we don't want to know.

It's been a crazy end to another crazy week. But this week, maybe a better crazy than before. Michael Cohen's testimony to the House Oversight Committee has helped lay the groundwork for future Congressional investigations — and possible impeachment — of this Trump kleptocracy. And it helped expose the craven caving to Trump that is the hallmark of today's GOP.

But one thing about Cohen's testimony left us chilled. "I fear that if [Trump] loses the election in 2020," he stated, "there will never be a peaceful transition of power."

It was scary to hear our worst fear confirmed — and by somebody in the know. So we cats appeal to Howard Schultz, Michael Bloomberg, and whoever else might be thinking of mounting an independent bid for President next year: WE NEED EVERY ANTI-TRUMP VOTE IN ONE BUCKET, PLEASE. Thanks, and we PURR.

West Virginia Is For Haters

Although we cats know that West Virginia has long gone off the deep end politically, we did have hopes of someday visiting The Greenbrier again. But after Republicans displayed this poster of Minnesota Congresswoman Ilhan Omar in the state capitol today, we guess we'll have to change our plans. And we HISS.