Rumors

By Miss Kubelik

It didn't take long to notice last night that social media platforms was simply ablaze with chatter about Benedict Donald being... dead.

He hadn't appeared in public since Wednesday, and as we know to the best of our ability, his health is not good. Anyway, the trending topics and clever comments were hilarious (we lost count of the images of ready-to-pop Champagne). The interwebs were united in anticipation.

And then this morning, this blurry image emerged, and everyone stood down. "That's okay!" someone skeeted. "It was a good practice run for when he really dies!"

Trump may be alive, but he looks terrible (that is, if this is really him). Is the White House going to explain the weight gain and the fat face? Don't hold your breath. Our theory is that he was on Ozempic or Wegovy or one of those miraculous slimming drugs, but had to quit taking it because it had a contraindication with his medication for chronic venous insuffiiciency (or whatever serious condition he has).

The Trumpsters claim to be transparent, but of course that's total crap. There is so much we don't know. Perhaps we'll find out when "it" really happens — until then, we cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Town Hall Terrors

By Zamboni

In the last few weeks and months, Republicans who try to hold town halls or who just appear at events like ribbon-cuttings and openings have walked into buzzsaws of discontent. Their furious and frustrated constituents can't easily access them any other way, so they show up on all sorts of occasions and — well, scream. You can hardly blame them.

For example, earlier this week Congressman Mark Alford of Missouri was raked over the coals by town hall attendees, who told him, "Come down here and start trying to pay your medical insurance. Come down here and walk into Costco to try to feed your family. You need to take your head out of Trump's ass." Ouch!

GOP rep Barry Moore of Alabama was so freaked out at his town hall that he cut it short and ran out the back door.

So is it any wonder that Elise "Elsie" Stefanik hasn't held an unvetted town hall since 2019? She ran as a middle-of-the-road, aisle-crossing, problem-solving Republican in 2014, but as we all know, is now full MAGA. Couple that with the Republicans' complicity with Benedict Donald's big, ugly bill, and she's carrying a ton of political baggage. Which is why she got booed in Clinton County last weekend.

Now, since Benedict Donald scuttled her UN dreams, Elsie thinks she's going to run for Governor of New York. How is she going to do that without meeting the voters? Is she just going to do a kind of lame, Andrew-Cuomo-for-NYC-mayor campaign — friendly TV hits and name-calling on social media? New York is a big state, with 20 million people. We're not sure how she's going to pull it off. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: An Okay Week So Far Edition

By Baxter

Yes, the Centers for Disease Control is exploding tonight — but we cats are looking back on the first part of this week and not feeling too terrible. Here are a few reasons why:

Democrat Caitlin Drey won a state senate seat in an Iowa special election yesterday. Why is this exciting? Because the district that Drey carried went for Benedict Donald by 11 points last year. Since she beat her Republican opponent by 10 points, that's one big, beautiful swing in our direction. Add that to the state senate seat that we flipped in January in a district that went for Trump by 21, and it's pretty obvious there's somethin' happenin' here.

Also yesterday, a federal appeals court ruled that Pennsylvania must count mail-in ballots that have the wrong dates on their return envelopes. (Hey, sometimes people don't fill stuff out right.) This is a win for Democrats, who use mail-in voting more than Republicans do — and a big defeat for the GOP, which believes that voting should be difficult for everyone except them.

But that was the second piece of good news on the voting rights front. On Monday, a judge struck down Utah's Republican-gerrymandered maps and ordered the state legislature to go back to the drawing board. The best part? Benedict Donald whined about it on his silly social media platform today, but thanks to Gavin Newsom's brilliant parodies of his style, not in all caps. Gee, a lower-case tweet just doesn't carry the same sense of Trumpian grievance and outrage.

Finally, the Trumpsters have embarrassed themselves by failing to get a grand jury to indict the DC Sandwich Guy on a felony assault charge. This is almost unheard of — when the government presents a case, a grand jury almost always follows its lead. But the team led by Judge Box O' Wine just couldn't get it done, and now they have egg on their faces. Or maybe egg salad. Or salami. We cats PURR. 

NEW! Randy Rainbow

Randy Rainbow helps keep us sane as we navigate this nightmarish Trumpy timeline. We cats PURR.

"You Are Neither Wanted Here, Nor Needed Here. If You Hurt My People, Nothing Will Stop Me."

Illinois Governor JB Pritzker shows all of us how you stand up to a bully. "Gavin who?" LOL! We cats PURR.

Five-Alarm Fire

 

This compelling image is either the British burning the White House on August 24, 1814, or it's whoever next occupies the Executive Mansion destroying Benedict Donald's awful MAGA trash and cheap, ugly gewgaws. It probably won't take something quite as drastic as a full-bore blaze. But when the time comes, we cats volunteer to help pry the fake Trumpy gold off the walls and jackhammer the Mar-a-Lago patio into oblivion. That would make us PURR.

Repurposing

By Sniffles

When we cats are traveling in Canada, we make a point of not buying American products. Why annoy the locals? Besides, we agree with them. Benedict Donald has insulted them, and their fury knows no bounds. Which means their boycott of all things American is still in force.

Sometimes this is easy to remember, other times, not so much. It's too easy to grab a bag of Starbucks out of force of habit or if you're not paying attention. But often, Canadian groceries will have helpful maple leaf stickers or signage to direct you.

At your friendly neighborhood café and bar, some decisions are made for you. Bourbon is nowhere to be found, as you'd expect. But others are trickier to remember. Don't bother asking the barkeep for Tito's vodka — it's made in America. (If you're avoiding anything Russian, too, Quebec options are available.) There will be no wines from California (or Washington or Oregon or Upstate New York). And if you were hoping to buy a bottle of something American and drink it in private, forget it. Provincial liquor stores have pulled it all off the shelves.

Team Trump shows no sign of suddenly becoming sane, so what was going to happen to all that booze? Believe it or not, it was all going to be poured down the drain — but there's been a change of plan, at least in Quebec. The Société des Alcools du Quebec just announced that instead of destroying it, they will donate the unwanted American wines and spirits to charity fundraisers and culinary/hospitality schools.

Trump is still a blithering idiot — there's not much we can do about that. But this is kind of a win-win. The banned booze stays off the shelves, but still goes to good use. And the boycott stands. We cats PURR.

SCOTUS Needs To Sing The Sorry Song

"This is Calvinball jurisprudence with a twist. Calvinball has only one rule: There are no fixed rules. We [the Supreme Court] seem to have two: that one, and this Administration always wins."

—Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson, in dissent, NIH v. APHA

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Donald Is Ridiculous (And Let's Hope We're Not In Trouble) Edition

By Hubie and Bertie

It's been a few days, but maybe it's finally time to make some comments about the "Disasta in Alaska" and yesterday's meetings in Washington. Things must not have gone well, because Benedict Donald is suddenly babbling about how he's worried about getting into heaven.

Helpful hint: Donald is surely an atheist, and doesn't believe in heaven, or hell. He's just a narcissist who's panicked about his secrets coming out. (That would be L'Affaire Epstein, of course.)

But we digress. Here are a few observations that we simply have to get off our furry chests:

Rolling out a red carpet and applauding the arrival of a dictator and war criminal is beyond sickening. But those are the things Trump does when he's nervous about his upcoming performance review, right?

The American people need to be told why Team Trump came out of the Putin meeting looking frightened and ashen. (Was Donald ashen? He's usually orange.) Scary thoughts range from nuclear threats to Putin revealing he was actually an imposter. But in our corner of social media, the popular guess was that Vlad announced he had the full Epstein files.

Whatever happened, even the shills at FOX "News" couldn't spin the atmosphere as anything but negative. The summit press conference was cut short, the luncheon was canceled, and everybody got on their planes and left. This is so bizarre — competent White Houses do not allow shitshows like this to happen, they just don't. And as they say, a picture (see above) is worth a thousand words.

(Also: Competent White Houses do NOT leave sensitive documents behind on a hotel printer for NPR to find.)

European leaders were so alarmed by all this that they canceled vacations and hopped jets to Washington to show President Zelenskyy support and hose Donald down. This, dear readers, is also bizarre. In normal times, foreign dignitaries' visits to the White House are announced months ahead of time, and meticulously planned. It is not normal for six heads of state and the heads of the EU and NATO to swoop in at a moment's notice. They did it because all the lights were flashing red, and we only know part of why.

In our opinion, it was an insult for these world leaders to be greeted not by the President but by the White House chief of protocol, a right-wing has-been who used to be a regular on John McLaughlin's syndicated talk show (also known in our household as "The Shouters").

Finally, this isn't the most important point, obviously — but it's highly embarrassing that all these important people were able to see just how thoroughly Benedict Donald has tarted up the Oval Office. (And turned the private study into a MAGA gift shop. Or is that grift shop?)

Meanwhile, Team Newsom just kept on trolling. They're so good that Benedict Donald has even stopped posting on social media in all-caps. Thank you for your attention to this matter! We cats PURR.

And BTW, Vacuum Cleaners *Are* Scary

 

It's not often that someone gets the better of a scientist like Neil deGrasse Tyson, but leave it to a cat! Let's all PURR.

"Elsie" Has A Bad Day

Elise Stefanik got a taste of what her support for Benedict Donald will mean for her (particularly if she decides to run for Governor of New York). She got booed off the stage twice yesterday in Clinton County — deep-red territory where US Representatives Paul Tonko and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez recently held their standing-room-only town hall. We cats applaud the fed-up voters of Upstate New York, and we PURR.

("Poor Elise! How simply frightful! How humiliating! How delightful!")

Hey, Battle River-Crowfoot — Today's The Day!

By Miss Kubelik

Canada will soon find out if the Conservative voters of Alberta's Battle River-Crowfoot riding will knuckle under and elect Trumpy party carpetbagger Pierre Poilievre (who was tossed out of Parliament on April 28), or pick a maverick like Independent candidate Bonnie Critchley.

We cats have sharp ears, and we can hear the knuckling already.

Battle River-Crowfoot is a deep-blue riding (in Canada, the Conservatives are blue and the Liberals are red). Their usual Tory MP was re-elected in April with 80 percent of the vote. While plenty of constituents seem annoyed about Poilievre using them as a stepping-stone back to Ottawa, most political observers expect him to win.

But by how much? We're hoping for an embarrassing underperformance — say, in the low 60s. We'll settle for low 70s. Of course, if and when PP is back in Parliament, Mark Carney will routinely eat him for lunch. That will make us PURR.

(UPDATE, August 19: Welp, PP ended up matching the previous MP's winning margin of 80 percent. But can we really blame the voters of Battle River-Crowfoot? They must have known that whether Poilievre won or lost, they'd never see him again.)

Cat's Meow

The MAGA-mocking Gavin Newsom memes are proliferating to the point where we could start a whole new blog, just for them. But this was obviously one we had to share. We cats PURR.

The Lion Roared

By Zamboni

We cats admire the French language and wish we spoke it better. (As in how you get to Carnegie Hall, the answer is "Practice.") But the gendarmes in the Office Québécois de la Langue Française are a bunch of French fascists.

OQLF's storm troopers have been stomping through Montréal, terrorizing store owners who have a smidgen of English in their establishments' names. It's all a result of the infamous Bill 96, which the provincial government forced through and which is part of the reason that the poll numbers for Premier François Legault and his party are in la toilette.

The agents of the OQLF have their work cut out for them. Unlike Quebec City, Montréal is French, but also English, Scottish, Irish, and Indigenous. (The city's flag illustrates this nicely.) It's also a city of immigrants. English is everywhere, but so are zillions of other languages. We can only speak for ourselves, but having English so handy actually encourages us to redouble our efforts to speak French.

Nevertheless, the OQLF is undeterred. Their latest target was an English-style pub in an area of the city known as Little Burgundy. The pub, The Burgundy Lion, is nice. Also, its very English name celebrates its neighborhood. Here's a quick primer from The Montreal Gazette:

"Little Burgundy holds a special place in Montréal's Black history. Known as the 'Harlem of the North,' it was a destination for Black immigrants and railway workers and the cradle of the city’s jazz scene, which shaped Montréal's cultural identity and gave it an enduring international reputation. It's where jazz legends Oliver Jones and Oscar Peterson lived, just 12 doors apart, and where their style of play was shaped."

Leave it to the fascists to try to erase people of color. We're happy to report, though, that the pub owner stood his ground, and the OQLF surrendered. As they should have. Take that, Frankie. We cats PURR.

"MAGA, Am I Doing This Right?"

Yes, Team Newsom and your supporters — yes, you are. We cats PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Gavin Newsom Edition

By Baxter

Between Gavin Newsom's social media posts and the DC Sandwich Guy, this week has given us something precious: the License to Laugh.

Yes, America, you can work to save democracy and have a good time at the same time. (But mocking Nazis and other autocrats didn't start with Team Newsom. There was Charlie Chaplin in 1940's The Great Dictator, and "Springtime for Hitler" in The Producers in 1968. And probably others that we're not thinking of right now.)

And, of course, the sandwich puns just write themselves.

Here are some of our favorite things about the week. Feel free to add your own:

The name "Election Rigging Response Act" is perfect. We're not gerrymandering — they're cheating.

If you look at the responses to Newsom's tweets, you'll see many, many unhappy Trumpsters. Just for fun, scroll through a few. You'll find lots of freaking out about the use of all-caps and sentence fragments, all with zero self-awareness. Consider the nerve struck.

"Karo'LYIN' Leavitt" is truly Webby-worthy.

Other excellent parodies of the sick and cultish MAGA hero-worship are proliferating.

As one of the nation's most trenchant political observers has speculated, it's possible that IRL Gavin Newsom may be an asshole. "Meaning of course he's perfect for this mission."

Finally, Hunter Biden has managed to dupe Moose & Squirrel into keeping L'Affaire Epstein in the headlines for weeks. Nothing to do with Gavin, but nicely done! We cats PURR.

We're Sensing A Trend

Seems like only yesterday (actually, it was Tuesday) that we appealed to members of our party to follow the Newsom social media team's excellent tweeting/skeeting strategy. And look! (PS: Read to the end.)

Well done, North Carolina Democrats!

"Donald Trump Has Poked The Bear"

Governor Gavin Newsom made the rounds today after announcing California's Election Rigging Response Act. Here he is chatting with historian Heather Cox Richardson. We cats PURR.

Gavin Is Not Done

 

Okay, we cats are hooked. We're going to be watching tomorrow's press conference in California to see what Governor Gavin Newsom has to say. In the meantime, we PURR — big time.

Probably The Quintessential Kennedy Center Moment

 

We cats have posted this video before, but for some reason, it's trending on social media today. We can't imagine why. We cats PURR.

"How Can You Remain Positive When The World Is So Chaotic?"

Wind the clock — or, fix another cup of coffee. As Tony Kushner has observed (and as EB White would probably agree), the world only spins forward. We cats PURR.

He Should Have Given Them A Knuckle Sandwich Instead

By Sniffles

Believe it or not, Halloween is more than two months away. But OMG — there are bags and bags of treat-size candies on sale in our grocery stores right now, and spooky greeting cards are filling our drugstore shelves. And has pumpkin spice already reared its ugly head?

Well, if you're getting a jump on your 2025 Halloween party costume, look no further than Subway Sandwich Guy.

The as-yet-unnamed resident of the District of Columbia was so upset at the presence of Trump-deployed federal officials on U Street, NW, that he threw a foot-long wrapped sub at one of them. The chase was on. We were all hoping he got away, but alas — he was nabbed, and it looks like he'll face some charges. (More than the Jan-Sixers got for beating police officers with flag poles and fire extinguishers, one assumes.)

It'll be an easy costume — pink Polo shirt, khaki shorts, one wrapped sub. (And, ahem.) Whoever this guy is, we're sorry he didn't get the chance to enjoy his dinner. But he's already rallied a whole bunch of anti-fascist, anti-Donald allies to his cause. We cats PURR.

Four Score And A Lot Of Years From Now

By Hubie and Bertie

Republican awfulness is so pervasive these days that it's hard to keep up. Usually, we just see reports of Grand Old Pedos getting hauled off to the hoosegow for abusing kids or amassing child pornography images on their phones. That's bad enough.

But maybe you remember this guy? Back in January, 2023, we posted about his arrest for masterminding a bunch of shootings at New Mexico Democrats' homes. Nobody was hurt, but this dude — Solomon Peña, an unsuccessful Republican state house candidate — was vexed that his hapless recruits didn't shoot low enough to hit their targets. He was found guilty for his crimes back in March.

Now, he's been sentenced to 80 years in prison. Wow! That means that our good buddy Solomon won't be able to vote in an election until the 22nd century! Except of course that he's 42 and will be dead by then.

Peña had done all the usual Trumpy things, like acting aggrieved, claiming his failed election was rigged (he lost by a landslide), and refusing to accept defeat. Benedict Donald may have gotten away with behavior like this, but here's hope that this Peña sentencing will set the standard for anyone who commits political violence. Next up: Vance Boelter in Minnesota, please.

Meanwhile, we're sure that the New Mexico Republican Party is proud of their erstwhile candidate for the state house. The GOP is just a nightmarish embarrassment now, isn't it? We cats HISS.

Donald Gets A California Reamin'

By Miss Kubelik

We cats are pleased to see Democratic Governors step up to the anti-Trump plate — JB Pritzker in Illinois skewering and laughing, and our own Kathy "No Bullshit" Hochul in New York, who's turned out to be a total badass. But nobody's made us Cheshire-cat grin quite as much as California Governor Gavin Newsom's social media team.

Their parodies of Benedict Donald's idiotic posting style are so excellent and effective that we're amazed that no one's ever thought of it before. Or, at least, no one with a platform as big as Newsom's is.

Note to all Democratic leaders: Please adopt this tweeting/skeeting strategy instantly. Run with it. Post about everything Donald does this way, not just his execrable redistricting scheme. Suggested topics include the rising price of groceries, ICE kidnappings, his upcoming meeting with Putin in "Russia," the Kennedy Center honors, and Jeffrey Epstein, Jeffrey Epstein, Jeffrey Epstein. We cats PURR.

PP Campaigns In A Rolls, But Is Not Exactly Rolling

By Zamboni

Well, folks, it's officially one week until the weary voters of the Alberta riding of Battle River-Crowfoot head back to the polls. (Unless they're casting their ballots early, which in Canada is called advance voting.)

We're paying attention to this race not just because we care about the True North, but because things are getting so bad south of the 49th parallel that we're looking abroad for glimmers of hope and/or amusement. And it's possible that the good people of Battle River-Crowfoot will provide some of that on August 18.

The reason they're having this silly election in the first place is because Trumpy Tory leader Pierre Poilievre lost his Ontario seat in the April 28 federal election, and a fellow Conservative from the richly right-wing province of Alberta helpfully resigned so PP could run there. This is not unusual in Canadian politics (but slightly odd for an incumbent party leader). There's every reason to expect that the election will be uneventful, and that the voters of Battle River-Crowfoot will return PP to Parliament to lead the Tory fight against the mighty Mark Carney.

But, maybe not.

As the CBC reports, reliably Conservative voters in the riding seem ambivalent. Farmers, especially, are worried that if he becomes their MP, Poilievre will have his attention focused elsewhere — in Ottawa, on federal politics — and not on their interests. Gee, why would they think that? Is it because PP and the wife recently campaigned in a vintage Rolls Royce? (What a man of the people!)

The reports are purely anecdotal, but if we were on Team Poilievre, the fact that any members of their base are questioning their allegiance to the party would worry us. Thankfully, it's not our problem. We cats will watch the election results with great interest, and we PURR.

De Adder Du Jour

We're not sure why it's spelled "heal" here (if you have an idea, please share). But we love the expression on Donald's face. We cats PURR.

(IMAGE: Michael de Adder, deadder.net)

Lest We Furr-get: Nixon Resignation Day

By Baxter

Happy Richard Nixon resignation day! We realize that after 50-plus years, lots of people nowadays don't personally remember the cascading events of Watergate. But what a saga it was! We were watching the destruction of a truly corrupt Republican President — knowing all the while that the guardrails of a solidly secure constitutional democracy would hold firm. (That's the difference between then and now.)

It was mesmerizing to watch Nixon's speech in the East Room that morning. It was true stream-of-consciousness, from "the poorest lemon ranch in Southern California" to his warning that "those who hate you don't win unless you hate them, and then you destroy yourself."

All of us who despised Nixon marveled at his comment about hate. It revealed, we thought, some self-awareness that the GOP, and the media, maybe should acknowledge. But in the decades since, we realize that Republicans have never come clean on this. In fact, they hate more than ever, and the press has given them a pass. We cats HISS.

Completely Predictable

By Sniffles

One of our first thoughts when we heard that Apollo 13 astronaut Jim Lovell had died was whether Benedict Donald had tweeted anything about it. After all, normal Presidents issue official statements and tributes when prominent Americans cross the Rainbow Bridge. Except, of course, Trump is anything but normal.

Donald may have said something by now — we don't know for sure, because we make it a habit not to check on his interwebs presence if we can help it. (In fact, we try to keep our daily lives as Trump-free as possible.) But once we gave it a little thought, we knew exactly what the malignant narcissist in the Oval Office would say.

First, he would briefly mention Lovell's accomplishments, and then talk about how they hardly compare with the "successes" of his seven-month-old administration. He would also claim that he, Donald, deserves all the awards that Lovell received, and more — the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the Congressional Space Medal of Honor, and the Légion d'Honneur (you know how Trump likes those Frenchy things).

Then, he would pivot to the 1995 movie, and say how terrible it was that a radical Marxist like Ron Howard directed it and that a Communist like Tom Hanks played Jim Lovell in it. He would say some nice things about the actor Gary Sinise, who played Ken Mattingly, the astronaut who was scratched from the mission for measles he didn't have. (Sinise, whom we otherwise like, is a conservative in liberal Hollywood.)

Finally, he might say something about Kevin Bacon's character, the astronaut Jack Swigert, who replaced Mattingly and who was later elected to Congress as a Republican (but who died before taking office). However, we're guessing that Donald's overdose of cheeseburgers and Adderall would kick in first — and besides, that kind of political history is too ancient and arcane for him to comprehend.

The bottom line is that we cats hate the fact that we're able to game out these Trump tweeting scenarios. We deeply resent being so closely acquainted with his pathology, and we HISS.

These Pups Aren't Horsing Around

By Hubie and Bertie

Big day at the historic Saratoga Race Course tomorrow: It's the inaugural run for the Saratoga Corgi Cup!

(Yes, we know that we're writing about dogs here, but sometimes you have to bend the rules a little.)

Cats, obviously, are vastly superior creatures, and would never deign to compete in a "race" of any kind. Puh-leez. But when it comes to canines, we share the late Queen Elizabeth's passion — if not for horse racing, for these cute, low-riding pups who always seem to work so hard to get anywhere on those short little legs.

"Forty-eight corgis have been registered by their owners to take part in the competition," the race course reports. "Two qualifying rounds featuring four heats of 12 corgis each will take place on the main track after the third and fifth thoroughbred races of the afternoon. The top three finishers from each heat will advance to the championship round to comprise a 12-corgi field that will go to post after the seventh race."

The best part? Lucky Puppy, Inc. of Argyle, New York, will be there to showcase dogs that are seeking their forever homes. So maybe some lucky pet will go home with a family this weekend, thanks to the corgis.

We cats wish all the racers luck. Tomorrow will no doubt be so huge that soon, Benedict Donald will insist that he be awarded a Corgi Cup himself (just like the Purple Heart). We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

Lest We Furr-get: The Federal Bureau Of Idiocy

By Miss Kubelik

William Webster's obit and his 101 years on the planet are handy reminders that seeing the Federal Bureau of Investigation in a state of general fuck-upped-ness is nothing new.

When Director Webster took over in 1978, the FBI was still trying to recover from the half-century of endless abuses committed by that closeted freak, J. Edgar Hoover. Then came Iran-Contra (thanks, Ronald Reagan), followed quickly by the government's complete miss on the disintegration of the Soviet Union in the early 1990s. Not to mention all those spies who had been sharing secrets with Moscow. What a mess.

This isn't to say, of course, that the FBI under the cretinous Kash Patel is any better (or the CIA under John Ratcliffe, for that matter). In fact, with only seven months gone in Benedict Donald 2.0, we may learn of even worse scurrility in the years to come. Still, it's helpful to be able to place the Trumpsters in some historical context. Things at the bureau are terrible now, but they've certainly been terrible there before.

One note of caution, though: There were guardrails in place 40-plus years ago that are either gone or very shaky today. We have a supine Congress and a mostly compliant press, so maybe Patel will get away with stuff that William Webster wouldn't have tolerated for a moment — like, say, helping to bury L'Affaire Epstein. We cats HISS.

All Is Not Golden For Ghislaine

By Zamboni

Fun fact: The minimum-security prison in Texas that, thanks to Benedict Donald, Ghislaine Maxwell now calls home is the same facility in which the Theranos fraud Elizabeth Holmes is serving her 11-year sentence. (What if they get KP duty on the same day? What will they talk about?)

Although folks are rightly seething about Maxwell's preferred treatment, things might not be as upbeat for her as one might think. First, her fellow inmates are not happy. "This facility is supposed to house nonviolent offenders," said one. "Human trafficking is a violent crime." So no, Ghislaine's not going to be the first player picked for Bryan Federal Prison Camp intramural basketball.

Second, Maxwell's notoriety and the nature of her crimes have ensured that she will spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder — in jail or out. Just imagine if Trump pardons her, or if the rumors that she's being allowed on excursions turn out to be true. Ghislaine Maxwell is not going to be safe anywhere. (We're not really upset about this.)

Our final Epstein comment of the day is that from recently published photos, Jeffrey's lavish Upper East Side mansion may have been more tastefully decorated than the current White House. Epstein's sense of décor could definitely skew weird — but if he were alive today, he would surely be appalled by Donald's Temu-level Oval Office gewgaws. (At least, when a sane person moves back into the Executive Mansion someday, Trump's cheap knockoffs will be very easy to rip out.) We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

(UPDATE: Our favorite take on Donald's fucked-up feng shui belongs to this brilliant social media account, which dubbed it "the traditional Cadbury bunny style." We cats PURR.)

That Hugely Consequential Epstein Summit You Were Talking About All Day Was Never A Thing

By Baxter

We cats were out and about today (and had a lovely time). So we weren't glued to the news. But when we got home and did a brief headline check, everyone was screaming about a big Trumpster pooh-bah confab, scheduled for tonight at Observatory Place. The sole topic on the agenda? How to contain the ever-expanding L'Affaire Epstein.

(It goes without saying that when Kamala Harris lived in the Vice President's residence, she never convened a meeting of top-level office holders and advisers there to strategize on how to help a sex offender and statutory rapist escape the consequences of his actions. But that was another Administration, wasn't it? *Sigh*)

Expected to attend this evening were host JD Prance, Pam Bondi, Kash Patel, and Susie Wiles. (Ugh. So much evil in that room.) But then, word leaked out — the interwebs blew up, Epstein victim Virginia Giuffre's family issued an outraged statement, and protesters started lining Massachusetts Avenue. So the meeting was promptly canceled.

Naturally, this motley crew will meet about Epstein some other time, some other way. But these are Trumpsters we're talking about — so not only did they scrap the session, a Vance spokesman said it had never been planned in the first place.

More typical gaslighting. Or maybe the better film reference is The Philadelphia Story. When Tracy Lord's younger sister says she saw Macaulay Connor carry a squiffy Tracy into her bedroom, she's surprised that he simply deposits her and leaves. "He was gone!" Dinah says. "Of course he was gone," Tracy replies. "He was never there." We cats PURR.

Roofies

Nothing Benedict Donald does can distract from L'Affaire Epstein — not even toddling up to the White House roof and — what? Threatening to jump? If only. Perhaps he was looking for the exact place Chip Carter and Willie Nelson smoked weed, who knows? In Republicans' minds, it's probably not too late to haul both Chip and Willie off to the hoosegow. We cats remember better days at 1600 Pennsylvania, and we PURR.

Journalists Need To Understand That Unilateral Disarmament Is Not An Option

By Sniffles

A columnist in a newspaper we read has decided that New York Democrats deserve to be pilloried for even considering mid-decade redistricting — just the latest example of people in the press excoriating us for stuff and giving Republicans a free pass. It's tiresome.

The writer (we won't give him oxygen by sharing his name) calls members of the New York state legislature with Ds after their names "dodos." A clumsy and obvious reach for alliteration, no doubt — but it's silly and illogical. The dodo is extinct, but Democrats in Albany are plentiful. Maybe that's what drives him crazy.

Like other opinion writers, the dude in question leaves out important facts. He did mention that New York Democrats are reacting to what Benedict Donald is pushing Texas to do. But everybody needs to know that Texas is not working in isolation: Ohio, Missouri, Indiana, Florida, and other GOP-led states are going down the same road. Their efforts could mean a dozen more Elise-Stefanik-like Trump puppets in the House of Representatives. With authoritarianism on the march and guardrails crumbling, that's pretty frightening.

Note to journalists: Try covering the Republican state legislatures like the ones in West Virginia, Ohio, Florida, Iowa, and Oklahoma, and then scream about how bad New York Democrats are.

Or as Governor Kathy Hochul would say, "It's bullshit." We cats HISS.

(UPDATE: Speaking of Governor Hochul, she welcomed several Texas legislators to New York today and said, "We are at war. The gloves are off." Watch it here. We cats PURR.)

The White House Fades To Black

By Hubie and Bertie

How much better for us Americans to be like the British or the Canadians — who either offer their PM modest living quarters guarded by a cat, or who, feeling frugal, aren't much interested in fixing an official residence that's fallen into disrepair.

But for those of us who care about the White House, these are dark days. Benedict Donald is turning 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue into a garish presidential palace. Now he says he's adding a ballroom (and spending $200 million of, make no mistake, our money to do it). A ballroom. Gee, that's funny — we thought that was what the East Room was for.

And what is he doing, demolishing the East Wing? It's kind of unclear, but then again, would it matter? Moose & Squirrel (aka "the Third Lady") seems not to ever be there. Does she even have a staff?

So maybe it's time for us to let any fond feelings about the Executive Mansion go. Its history is kind of spotty, anyway. Built by slaves, burned by the British, and not really infused with any kind of glamor until 1961, when John and Jackie Kennedy moved in. It's pretty clear that that's what Trump is trying to do: erase any trace of the Kennedy mystique. (See also: "Trump Center for the Performing Arts.")

Or maybe we'll just hang on until a Democrat gets elected again and can tear out all vestiges of the VulgAryan. We cats watch and wait, our tails switching. In the meantime, we HISS.

Lucko's Latest

Sometime in the future, Americans will look back on Trump 2.0 and wonder how in the world we allowed it to happen. We cats HISS.

(IMAGE: Mike Luckovich, Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

De Adder Du Jour

(IMAGE: Michael de Adder, deadder.net)

Grand Old Pervs

By Miss Kubelik

Just one look at Ryan Walters was all it took to know that behind his Christian fanaticism, he was a skeevy hypocrite. 

Last week, he proved it. This fine upstanding family man (cough, cough), otherwise known as Oklahoma's Superintendent of Public Instruction, was caught with his proverbial pants down when his office television showed porn during a state board executive meeting. After two board members reported seeing naked women prancing across the screen, Walters feigned surprise but couldn't seem to figure out how to turn it off. Bedlam has ensued.

Well, of course Ryan Walters watches porn! This is right out of Central Casting. Walters has built his brand on crusading against filth and perversion — grabbing harmless books off library shelves, banning the teaching of so-called critical race theory, and foisting the Bible on public schools throughout Oklahoma. (The Trump-endorsed, Lee Greenwood Bible, of course.) He's also anti-choice, pro-gun, and pro-ICE. In other words, awful to the nth degree, and then some.

Since last Thursday, when the porn-y incident occurred, Walters has taken multiple pages from the Trump-MAGA playbook, dissembling and accusing. "Some of these board members are blatantly dishonest and cannot hide their political agenda," he bleated. The board members who saw the porn are "creating distractions," he claimed. Wow, he sounds just like Benedict Donald's frantic flailings in L'Affaire Epstein. 

But now Walters has really embraced the crazy. He's claiming a sheriff's investigation has cleared him (it has not) and has accused ruby-red Republican Governor Kevin Stitt of being behind the whole thing. "The governor needs to answer the questions," Walters said today. "Did he tell these board members to come in here and do this? Did you coordinate with them afterwards to set all this up after the fact when you couldn’t disrupt the meeting?"

Gee, this is fun. Keep fighting, Oklahoma Republicans. (Meanwhile, a short memo to Mrs. Ryan Walters: We know any dreams you may have had of being Oklahoma's first lady are probably over, but girl, get yourself a fashion consultant, like, yesterday. We cats PURR.)

Scotland Shines — Canada Says, "Hold My Beer"

By Zamboni

Scotland wins raves for its treatment of Trump? Now, it's Canada's turn.

Until a few days ago, we cats were blissfully unaware of the existence of someone called Sean Feucht, but we know who he is now. Feucht is a so-called "Christian" singer who is pro-MAGA, anti-abortion and anti-gay. One of his claims to fame is fighting COVID restrictions in 2020. This summer, he's been trying to tour Canada, and not meeting with much success. Venues in cities like Quebec, Halifax, Charlottetown, Moncton and Gatineau have canceled their contracts with him.

In Quebec, for example, the city-owned venue said they'd been lied to — by omission. "The presence of a controversial artist was not mentioned when the contract was signed between ExpoCité and the promoter of the concert planned for the site," said a spokesman.

In Montréal, Feucht performed at a church on the Plateau, even though the venue, Église MR, did not have the proper city permit to hold the event, and had been warned not to proceed without one. Protesters showed up, outnumbering the small crowd inside, and the police had to intervene. On Saturday, the city fined the church $2,500 for hosting the Trumpy Feucht in the first place.

As you'd imagine, Feucht is one of those proudly obnoxious MAGAts who thinks that rules don't apply to him. So we're glad that municipalities in Canada are making it clear that his right-wing beliefs are not welcome there. Still, we'd love to go back to the days when we had no idea who Sean Feucht was. We cats HISS and PURR at the same time.

(PHOTO: Sean hangs out in DC with Lauren Boebert. Need we say more?)

The Scots Understood The Assignment

Scotland didn't give Benedict Donald a very warm welcome today. In fact, Scotland leads the UK in despising Trump: 71 percent disapprove of him, compared to 57 percent in the United Kingdom generally. We cats wish the comedian Janey Godley were still with us — she would have some choice words indeed. Meanwhile, we PURR.

"Family Values"

By Baxter

Back in the early days of Pizzagate and QAnon, we cats were still learning about the crazy fringe people that the Republican Party eventually ended up mainstreaming as Trumpism overtook them.

Their charges of pedophilia against Democrats were bewildering to us at first. But now, we get it — because every accusation was, and is, a confession. Distract everyone by accusing your opponents of the worst thing you do yourself.

The root of it all is surely Epstein, but child rapists seem to be everywhere in the GOP. This story from Florida is just the latest:

"Fort Pierce City Commissioner James Taylor was arrested July 24 on felony charges after allegations of having an inappropriate relationship with a teen girl," Yahoo News reports.

"Taylor, 38, was jailed on charges including six counts each of transmission of material harmful to a minor by electronic equipment, transfer or display of obscenity to a minor, and harmful communication to a minor; four counts of lewd computer solicitation of a child; and two counts of solicitation of transmission of child pornography by electronic device or equipment, the St. Lucie County sheriff's office stated. All 24 counts are felonies.

"Sheriff’s officials reported the investigation started in August 2024 when police in Evanston, Illinois, got a report from the mother of a 13-year-old girl. The mother advised that her daughter, who was only 12 years old when the communications began, had been contacted by an adult male via Snapchat.

"Over time, the conversations became sexually explicit, and the suspect allegedly sent multiple nude images to the minor."

Jesus Christ, Republicans, when are you going to come clean on this and call it out? When Trump pardons Ghislaine Maxwell? We cats HISS.

Not-So-Strange Bedfellows

 (IMAGE: Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times-Free Press)

Art But Make It Epstein

 Marie-Thérèse, Face and Profile, Pablo Picasso, 1931

(IMAGE: Art But Make It Sports)

"Many People Are Saying"

 

By Sniffles

Today's Epstein-du-Jour breaking news is that Pam Bondi told Benedict Donald that he was in the Epstein files back in May. Well, of course she did, and of course he is. That probably means that a whole lot of other people in Washington got the news back then, too.

We've gotten to the point where a dead man is running our government. Donald has gone completely batty, posting bizarre things on his social media platform and forgetting that he appointed Jerome Powell chair of the Fed. Congress is shut down. Preacher of the House Mike Johnson sent his members home early so they would stop fighting about releasing the whole Epstein caboodle. (It won't work, Mike.)

All of this means that voters who live in red Congressional districts need to spend the next six weeks tying up the phone lines and beating down the doors of their members' local offices, demanding answers. (Republicans sure as heck won't be holding any town halls.) As for us Democrats, we should all follow the example of Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett, who has accused Trump and his team of committing an updated, MAGA version of Nixon's 18-and-a-half-minute gap.

"We may still be talking about it come September, when we come back into session, but to go from 'It’s on my desk' to 'It doesn’t exist,' they may be engaging in destroying evidence," Crockett said on a podcast. "We know that [Trump] is not above that."

Yep, and yep. Did Crockett offer any proof? No, but who cares? Isn't it Trump who is always floating stuff to get it into the media narrative? Why not give him a taste of his own medicine? And by the way, could some intrepid journalist make it his or her mission to figure out if the Trumpsters are burning and shredding stuff? We cats would appreciate it. Meanwhile, we HISS and PURR at the same time. 

Critchley Vs. The Carpetbagger

By Hubie and Bertie

Does Pete Hoekstra, the US ambassador to Canada, think that Canadians don't read news from across the border on the interwebs? Maybe so. Yesterday he spoke to a business group in Bellevue, Washington, and said that Benedict Donald thinks Canadians are "nasty" for boycotting American travel and goods.

Well, that certainly sounds like Trump. It isn't clear how it's going to help relations with our closest ally, though. (P.S.: Canadian customs, if you'd like to check Hoekstra's car for US booze when he crosses the border from Michigan, please be our guest.)

Meanwhile, Prime Minister Mark Carney's poll numbers are still riding high, and the Conservative Party is a mess. As we've reported, their leader, Pierre Poilievre, lost his seat in Parliament in the April 28 election. On August 18, he will face the voters in the Alberta riding of Battle River-Crowfoot, which was gifted to him by its previous MP, who had just been re-elected but resigned to help PP stay in Parliament. Battle River-Crowfoot is deep Tory blue (that's "red," in American parlance). But Poilievre does have some opposition there. 

Meet Bonnie Critchley, who, quite frankly, is a hoot.

Critchley touches on all the important points in this CBC interview, which is well worth your time even if you aren't intimately familiar with Canadian politics. The bottom line: She's furious — a concept that many of us Americans get all too well these days. And since Poilievre styles himself as a mini-Trump, if he were to get humiliated in this Alberta election next month, it would be a delicious case of schadenfreude for all Donald-loathing people around the world.

PP might be feeling the heat. Yesterday, he posted a complimentary message on Twitter about the convicted leaders of the 2022 Ottawa trucking convoy, who will be sentenced for their crimes tomorrow. Perhaps he thinks he needed to shore up the anti-Ottawa vote in Battle River-Crowfoot. But no matter what his motivation, it's a safe bet that Bonnie Critchley will have a withering response. We cats PURR.

Bernice King Wins The Interwebs

We cats PURR.

Cheating Is A Terrible Thing

 

By Miss Kubelik

In the Lack Of Self-Awareness Department, future Presidential candidate (after his dad succumbs to something the White House hasn't told us about yet) Donald Junior posted and then trashed this on Saturday. You have to wonder who was the lucky staffer who had to break it to him.

But Andy Byron's wife isn't the only one feeling super-wronged tonight. Another is Republican Senator Lisa Murkowski — who is simply astounded that a bargain she made with the Trumpsters to save Alaskan wind and solar projects in the Big Ugly Bill is now being torn into little pieces.

"I feel cheated," Murkowski said. "I feel like we made a deal and then hours later, a deal was made to somebody else. Do I feel like the administration was not being up-front with us? Yes."

Oh, Lisa, please. After 10 years, don't you know that you can't trust Benedict Donald and his MAGA minions? They are the original mountebanks. We would suggest that if you're truly that disgusted, you may want to become an Independent and caucus with the Democrats — but now we're thinking you're so stupid, we don't want you. Maybe we'll just bet on our Senate chances in 2026 instead. We cats HISS.