Hair Removal

By Sniffles

The big news out of Canada appears to be that Prime Minister Justin Trudeau got a haircut.

Sheesh. Really? We're reminded of President Biden's response to reporters who asked him about his fist-bump with MBS. "Why don't you guys talk about something that matters?"

Oh, well. Here's the deal: Justin got a short cut, which is probably appropriate because it's summer, and of course we all know the havoc that global warming is wreaking these days. Still and all, we have to admit we miss the long locks and the graying beard of Pandemic Justin. The short cut just makes him look like he's 12.

But our opinion isn't the story here. What's interesting is that Justin is subjected to the kind of scrutiny that only a woman in power would receive. Remember the endless focus on Hillary's hairdos? And that dates all the way back to when she was First Lady — not Senator, Secretary of State, and Presidential nominee.

Our condolences to the Prime Minister for all the silliness, if indeed he pays it any mind. P.S.: Dear Justin, autumn is just around the corner. If you feel like growing your hair and beard back for the fall and winter, we'll totally support that decision. It would make us PURR.

Tidbits And Cat Treats: Early Holiday Decor Edition

By Zamboni

Is it just us, or are the Christmas decorations busting out early this year? It's not even December yet, and plenty of houses around us are sporting twinkle lights, wreaths and (GURK!) cheesy inflatables. But thank goodness, at least after years of dystopian holiday hellscapes wrought by Moose & Squirrel, the White House is back to normal again. (Now, FLOTUS, please put Jackie Kennedy's rose garden back.)

Meanwhile, here's what else is going on in the news.

After plugging his book on practically every talking-head show on the planet, Chris Christie's sales are, to put it charitably, underwhelming. The stupidly named tome (we won't repeat its title) has sold only 2,289 copies in stores, and ranks 15,545th on Amazon Kindle. This is so great. Look for it to join Benedict Donald's ridiculous covfefe-table book on the remainder shelf. Any time now!

It's also impressive that people appalled by the Kyle Rittenhouse verdict in Wisconsin are already working hard to make the little brat's life hell. Astoundingly, for someone who murdered two people and paralyzed a third, Rittenhouse thinks he'd make a good RN. So students at Arizona State University are loudly protesting his enrollment in nursing classes there. May Rittenhouse never enjoy normalcy for the rest of his days. He needs to be hounded forever.

Another truly despicable person hogging the headlines these days is super-bigot Lauren Boebert, Republican from Colorado. It's hard to know whether we should comment or just ignore her latest outrages, because obviously she's doing it to get attention and raise money. (Except some of it seems to be backfiring on her.) We just wish Boebert would call us so we could hang up on her, too.

Finally, while we're not panicking about the omicron COVID variant, we sure hope that the Canada-US border doesn't close again. But there are actions we all can take. If you haven't gotten vaccinated yet, do it — and if you have, get that booster shot! We cats PURR.

The Clown Car Loses A Passenger

By Sniffles

Feeling a little bummed by the news today? If so, here's a bright spot that we can all hang onto: Rob Ford is now the ex-mayor of Toronto in more ways than one.

Why are we cats unmoved by his death? Because Rob Ford was a clown and a disgrace who leaves an unfortunate legacy: He helped pave the way for buffoonery in politics.

We cats are not naive, but to borrow a phrase, we still believe in a place called Hope. In short, despite everything, we think there's a certain nobility to public service. Rob Ford and jackasses like him left a stain on that — and, among voters just coming of age during his term as mayor, he helped foster the impression that elected officials could be fat blowhards, drug addicts and fools. That's really bad. As in, not good.

In the sacred (to him) name of lower taxes, Rob Ford abused the very idea that government could ever do any good for anybody. His behavior breeds cynicism, and we cats hate that. Add the fact that Rob Ford served as a precursor to Donald Trump, and we hate it even more.

So, Rob Ford, please do not rest in peace. We will not miss you, and we hope that any candidate who follows in your footsteps — acting like an idiot and a joke — meets a sudden and awful political death. We cats HISS.

Woe Is Willard: Shooting From The Hip Edition

By Baxter

What would George Romney think? His son Willard has turned into Sarah Palin.

Not a full 24 hours after the famous quitter from Alaska urged the hapless GOP nominee to attack President Obama personally, Willard started screaming about a U.S. "apology" in the Middle East that never happened.

He postures and blusters before our Ambassador to Libya's body is cold? Before he knows all the facts? He lifts an embargo on a campaign statement 90 minutes earlier than midnight on September 11 because he just couldn't wait to try to score political points in a policy area about which he knows nothing?

Is this the guy whose finger we want on — or anywhere near — the nuclear button?

No, thanks. We cats will stick with the folks who believe, as Secretary Clinton so eloquently said, "We must be clear-eyed, even in our grief."

Making Dan Quayle Look Good

By Sniffles

We cats promised we'd beam in on the Freepers to see how they're coping with the news that their heroine, the famous quitter from Alaska, will not run for President in 2012. It took us all afternoon, but we finally just checked. And goodness gracious, are they upset!

We've only browsed, but the responses appear to range from horrified surprise to hand-wringing predictions of America's certain doom. Interestingly, we've also seen a touch of anger toward their sainted goddess. "I thought she loved America," one commented."I feel sick to my stomach. She owes those of us who bought her books and supported her financially a [sic] explaination [sic] and an apology."

Hm. Somehow we doubt that most Palin worshipers will come to grips with reality quite as quickly. But before we leave the famous quitter in the dust for awhile (because of course, she'll never completely go away), all the Freeper keening and moaning has made us think once again about what life has been like these past three years — before John McCain foisted this Alaskan nightmare upon us.

We've mused before about how McCain's selection of Sarah Palin in 2008 was pretty darn near close to treason. How could an elderly cancer survivor pick a potential Vice President who was so incalculably unqualified for the top job? But with her second, most recent quitting — after having teased her party and the nation for months and months — we realize anew that McCain's irrational and impetuous decision was even more than merely treasonous.

An honorable Presidential candidate selects a running mate who will serve his party and the country well. Jimmy Carter's Vice President was a respected Senator and the Democratic nominee in 1984. Lloyd Bentsen went on to serve in the Clinton Administration. President Gore won the 2000 election and the Nobel Peace Prize seven years later. Cheney, for ill or for good, essentially ran the country for two terms while the smirking man-child cleared brush and rode his mountain bike. Kennedy and Johnson each pulled a Lincoln and elevated a political rival. Reagan's VP went on to be elected in his own right and conducted the first Gulf War reasonably well (up until its end). Even Goldwater, indirectly at least, gave us the legacy of Stephanie Miller.

And then there's John McCain. His running mate's Shermanesque statement last night, as unintelligible and "me-first" as anything she's ever uttered, proves for the millionth time the folly of the Arizona Senator's selection. Palin had an obligation, as a young Vice Presidential nominee, to guide and lead her party in the wake of its defeat. Instead, she chose to quit her job, and prostitute herself and her entire family. Fortunately for us Democrats, she has half-frozen, half-divided her party. Neither action is what you expect from the right kind of Presidential running mate.

In short, a mere three years later, McCain's cynical, craven — and yes, treasonous — decision is still coming home to roost for what remains of the Republican Party.

Will any of the punditry who will slice and dice Palin's non-announcement over the coming days indict McCain — and hold him completely responsible for this horrific political soap opera?

Don't bet on it.

Four Little Words We'll Never Hear

By Baxter

Legend has it that all of Hollywood expected Judy Garland to win the Academy Award for her performance in 1954's "A Star Is Born." So convinced were they that, although Miss Garland had just given birth to her son Joey, reporters and cameramen set up camp in her hospital room, with Judy propped up in bed, ready to react on live TV to the glorious news.

But the moment William Holden announced Grace Kelly's name, the lights snapped off, the cameras shut down, and the media mob stampeded away. As Judy later recalled, nobody even said goodbye.

This exodus is exactly what will happen to the famous quitter from Alaska if she ever makes a formal announcement that she's not running for President.

Which is why she'll never do that very thing.

Oh, she'll fritter away the 2012 filing deadlines — skating past them by speaking vaguely of open conventions and what-not. She'll make more silly comments about career politicians and belly fires — just enough to keep her slavering fans and the gullible media on tenterhooks. But she'll never actually say, "I'm not running, folks." Because then the cameras will go away. And to Sarah Palin's ego and her relentless money machine, that would be a fate worse than death.

The good news for Democrats is twofold: One, Palin's never-ending tease continues to drive Republicans crazy. And two, she's their problem, not ours. Which makes us cats PURR.

Leaving Diana In The Dust

By Sniffles

The famous quitter from Alaska is back in the news again. Or, we should say, the famous quitter has made sure that she's back in the news again.

We cats won't bore you with the details, but there's quite a kerfuffle over whether or not Sarah Palin will show at a teabagger event in Iowa this weekend. As usual, she's jerking people around — especially the press, which (also as usual) is dutifully allowing itself to be whipsawed.

We cats are wondering: Why is this a story?

It's occurred to us that if no one in the media paid any attention to Sarah Palin, we wouldn't have this nonsense intruding on our consciousness (and we'd all be happier for it).

On this, Diana's death day, we can't help re-remarking that in terms of media manipulation, the famous quitter from Alaska has far outpaced the late Princess of Wales. But they are still sisters at heart. Like Diana, the quitter is able to manufacture outsize coverage of herself thanks to: 1) her good looks, and 2) her undeserved elevation to a position of importance by an institution she has since scorned.

If and when the famous quitter finally announces that she's out of the 2012 race, someone — an intern at POLITICO, perhaps? — should go back and catalog all the breathless MSM coverage of her every feint, utterance and inarticulately expressed thought. We assure you, it will be quite a list.

(PHOTO: Unlike Diana, at least the famous quitter is smart enough to buckle her safety belt.)

Shooting Ourselves In The Paw

By Zamboni

We cats have received an e-mail rant from a political activist associated with this lame-looking website. Her mission in life: Elect more women to public office, whether Democratic or Republican. Her latest complaints: 1) She received a direct mail piece from the DNC, even though she hasn't been a registered Democrat for the last five years, and 2) President Obama hasn't done enough for women.

To which we cats reply, quelle naivete! Let us answer her grievances, and add a few observations of our own.

First, in the world of direct mail, organizations obviously keep mailing to anybody who's shown previous support. In other words, duh. That's why we cats keep getting friendly missives from the Human Rights Campaign, although we haven't been members for awhile. (And by the way, since we're sure that some time ago we unsubscribed from the very e-mail blast we received today, the sender is guilty of the same transgression she's accusing the Democrats of. How ironic!)

Second, as long as there are Michele Bachmanns and Sarah Palins and Nikki Haleys and Christine O'Donnells and Sharron Angles and Carly Fiorinas and Meg Whitmans in the world, we not only will not punish the Democratic Party, we will never, ever subscribe to the notion that more Republican women in office is a good thing.

Third, as for her ragging on President Obama: What's the alternative? We cats are always distressed when our fellow liberals A) forget how bad life was under George W. Bush, and B) carp and moan without appreciation for the state this country would be if today's Republican Party were in charge.

But ours isn't just a "worst-case scenario" argument. From its earliest weeks, this Administration has done good things for women. President Obama signed the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, appointed two outstanding women to the Supreme Court, and lifted funding restrictions on abortion (in his first few days in office), just to name a few. But, gosh! — surely President Romney or President Perry or President Bachmann or President Palin would do the same — right?

Um, not.

Finally, the e-mail in question completely lost us when it used the word "Democrat" as an adjective. Why the sender thinks it's okay to employ sinister Republican pejoratives is beyond us.

We cats HISS at liberal losers, and urge them to get lives. Nine lives, in fact. We'll need all of them, in our fight to keep the crazy teabaggers from taking over the country.

UPDATE: Here's another example of how Barack Obama has "let women down" (not): His new health reform law requires insurance companies to cover birth control with no co-pays. Quelle horreur!

A Palin Prediction

By Zamboni

We cats feel for those poor journalists who have trucked up to Juneau. They're stuck reading 25,000 printed e-mails written by the most illiterate Republican perhaps ever. That's because the current Governor of Alaska, responding to a FOIA request from three years ago, decided to release Sarah Palin's e-mails in the most inaccessible and cumbersome format possible.

Nevertheless, while members of the Fourth Estate are killing themselves to review the thousands and thousands of incoherent, syntax-challenged messages from the infamous quitter, we cats have a prediction.

One of the productive lines of investigations will not be former Governor Palin's travel expenses. Instead, it will be all the time she spent at home in Wasilla, or out of state, running for Vice President.

Before she resigned, Sarah Palin served as Governor of Alaska for 18 months. If you add up the days that she actually worked — and didn't stay at home watching wedding shows, or wasn't traveling the campaign trail, accusing Barack Obama of being a terrorist — she probably spent all of about three months running the least populous state in the country.

This makes her, unquestionably, the most qualified GOP nominee for the most powerful elected position in the world.

You betcha.

Is The Gingrich Ship Sinking?

By Miss Kubelik

Here's a nifty plan. Declare you're running for President, embroil yourself in some rough news cycles, get glitter thrown all over you and your bubbleheaded wife at a book signing, and then take off on a two-week Mediterranean yachting vacation — near the end of a fundraising quarter, no less.

Sound stupid? It is. Which maybe is why the whole Gingrich campaign team has just resigned.

There are several excellent aspects to this story. One is that it gives journalists the opportunity to use the elegant French phrase en masse. (Best use of "en masse" in rhyme has to be Alan Jay Lerner's, who paired it with: "A large Wagnerian mother, with a voice that shatters glass." Newt is kinda Wagnerian, himself.)

Another is that it sets off renewed feverish speculation about the crazy right-wing secessionist from Texas. Dave Carney, one of the Gingrich resignees, is a Rick Perry guy. But — oh, no, he protests. The Gingrich "en masse mess" has nothing to do with Perry's Presidential ambitions.

We cats are still wondering how a guy who threatened his state's secession after 600,000 Americans died 150 years ago to keep Texas in the union thinks that he deserves to live in the White House. But never mind. For now, we'll just say this: If you believe Dave Carney, then you believe John McCain picked Sarah Palin as his running mate because she was, indeed, the second-most-qualified person in the nation to be President.

(PHOTO: Seabourn Cruises. Newt is somewhere on deck, sunbathing — instead of dialing for dollars so he can pay his campaign staff.)

Lest We Furr-get: When Republicans Twist History

By Baxter

We cats are fascinated that although Congressman Anthony Weiner's Twitter pictures completely wiped out Rick Santorum's Presidential declaration yesterday, they failed to push the infamous quitter from Alaska's Paul Revere embarrassment out of the headlines. Perhaps that's the flip side of being Sarah Palin: Yes, you get Diana-like media coverage every time you hop on a bus. You also get Diana-like media coverage every time you crash in a verbal Mercedes.

But the let's-change-Wikipedia-to-help-Palin story is alarming. Not only because we cats fear that many students get their information from that untrustworthy site, but because the pro-Palin Wiki antics so neatly fall into the Republicans' pattern of rewriting history to suit their whitewashed vision of America.

In the GOP's bizarre world, thousands of African Americans fought for the Confederacy. Evolution and climate change are fables, and creationism is solid, scientific fact. Life in Jim Crow Mississippi was "not that bad." The Civil War had nothing to do with slavery. Ronald Reagan won the Cold War and never raised taxes. George Washington worked the fields of Mount Vernon all by himself. Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. And, of course, Barack Obama is not a U.S. citizen.

Sarah Palin's latest idiocy — on which she has, true to character, doubled down — is of a piece not just with the teabaggers' promotion of home schooling and the Republican attack on public education, but also with the comically inaccurate schoolbooks authorized by the highly politicized textbook boards in Virginia and Texas. As well as the right-wing ostriches who serve on boards of education in states like Pennsylvania and Kansas.

"Is our children learning?" Unfortunately, we cats think not.

(IMAGE: That is Paul Revere.... isn't it?)

Trying to Out-Quayle Quayle?

By Zamboni

One of the things we cats most resent about Republicans is that they keep making us fight the same battles over and over and over. Whether it's environmentalism, civil rights, reproductive freedom, whatever — they keep trying to turn back the clock, and it drives us wild. This maddening habit of theirs also applies to the media/culture wars. Just take Fat Mike Huckabee's recent behavior as an example.

As if his right-wing code language about President Obama hasn't been revolting enough, now the pudgy preacher has gone after Oscar-winner Natalie Portman for getting pregnant out of wedlock. We cats guess it's one step up from Dan "Potatoe" Quayle ragging on Murphy Brown for her illegitimate child. At least Natalie Portman is a real person.

But we have several questions for the corpulent clergyman.

What business is it of yours?

Did you criticize Bristol Palin for this same offense?

Or do you only excoriate Jewish women for violating your personal standards of conduct?

Oh, and here's more: Is this really about 2012? Are you positioning yourself against the famous killer from Alaska, who obviously was a bad mother to that little slut? Or is this about the sanctity of marriage — say, Newt Gingrich and his 13 divorces?

We cats aren't holding our breaths for the massive minister's answers. But strangely, he's inspired us to comment on the 2011 Oscars for the first time. Congratulations, Ms. Portman — and please, pay no attention to these idiots.

A Fabulous February

By Sniffles

This is just a friendly reminder that we cats will join Dana Milbank's boycott of the famous killer from Alaska for the month of February.

Gosh, it'll be a lovely month. After all, there's no shortage of reminders that there are tons more important subjects for us to write about: Egypt being just the beginning. In a time of foreign policy crisis, the U.S. Secretary of State makes the rounds of all five Sunday news shows, and our attention turns to the grownups in charge — not to an inconsequential lowbrow entertainer.

Of course, it really isn't fair that the famous killer is making it easy for us, by issuing bizarre statements about how she's glad about the boycott, because otherwise she'd get blamed for Cairo (???). Clearly she's off her celebrated PR game. In fact, she hasn't regained her footing since her well-deserved linkage to the Tucson shootings. We cats wish she could suffer even more, but we'll take what we can get.

Perhaps we should go further, and boycott John McCain as well? We cats are thinking about it.

Cat Fight! Dana Milbank vs. Chris Cillizza

By Miss Kubelik

We cats were amused when Washington Post columnist Dana Milbank called on journalists and bloggers to observe a Palin-Free February. And since we loathe the famous killer from Alaska, we were sorely tempted to join.

We'd pretty much made up our minds to jump on the bandwagon. But in our heart of hearts, we were just a teensy bit doubtful. What if some Palin news — say, an alleged Todd affair — broke next month and we couldn't resist from commenting? A dilemma indeed.

But now, Chris Cillizza has pushed us over the brink. The famous killer, he opines, cannot be ignored.

We cats say, oh, yeah? Just watch us.

Chris, if you fancy yourself a real journalist at all, you would refuse to cover this repellent hag until she agrees to answer questions from the press and make herself accountable to the American people.

Until she does that, she's not any kind of a leader. She's just what teabagger Congressional candidate Jeff Perry of Massachusetts called her last fall: an entertainer.

This blog covers politics, not lowbrow show biz. Palin-Free February, here we come!

Heights o' Hypocrisy

By Zamboni

Jared Lee Loughner — 400 years of discrimination against blacks — and a woman's right to choose. Quick! What do they all have in common?

Well, according to our zany friends on the right, quite a bit.

An Arizona state senator has blamed Roe v. Wade for the Tucson shootings in which six people, including a nine-year-old girl, died — and 13 people, including a U.S. Congresswoman, were wounded. Soooooooo.... we cats just want to know where all the umbrage is. After all, conservatives and pundits went wild whenever anyone on our side of the political spectrum suggested that Loughner's act might have been encouraged by our toxic political discourse. (Think Sarah Palin.)

Failed former Senator Rick Santorum has suggested that if you're black, you can't support reproductive freedom. We cats are still trying to figure that one out. Particularly since as a privileged white man, Rick Santorum can't possibly understand, or speak for, the African-American community.

We cats are bored with all this abortion talk. First, we've been fixed, so we have to admit it doesn't affect us personally. But second, wake us when people with penises and R's after their names stop railing about it as if they know what being pregnant is like.

A Question of Metaphors

By Miss Kubelik

Sarah Palin's behavior has so crossed the line in the last few days that we cats no longer would find a Tina Fey imitation of her funny.

We've also reached the point where we wish that the media would refuse to give her any exposure until she comes out from behind her defensive firewall of Facebook postings, Glenn Beck e-mails and tweets, and makes herself accessible and accountable to the American people she claims to love so much.

It is clear to us that Palin is defending herself with a part of speech that she doesn't understand — the metaphor. She lamely claimed that her "taking up arms" comments and other incendiary remarks were mere symbols: "We're talking about our vote." But that rings pretty hollow from someone who led campaign rallies at which people screamed "Kill him!" of Obama — which she refused to decry. It is also not a metaphor when you accuse a major-party Presidential candidate of "palling around with terrorists." It is not a metaphor to call for investigations of "anti-American" members of Congress. It is not a metaphor to say that Charles Rangel should be beaten to death with a shovel.

How easy it would have been yesterday for Palin to admit, "My bad," and pledge to never again put out a map with rifle cross hairs on Congressional districts. How many points she could have earned! But it's beyond her ability to be gracious, humble, mature or — Presidential.

Palin may not care, because she'll never run for President, and is only milking her celebrity for the money. But if not, she'll pay a heavy political price for her clumsy behavior. We cats predict: Her base will not increase, because it's already at its max. But her numbers with Independents and even Republicans will plummet. Her across-the-board negatives, already high, will rise. And all because she chose to stoke the fires, and contribute to the disunion of the nation that Abraham Lincoln gave his life to keep intact.

Your move, Republican Party.

(IMAGE: Kirk and Spock discuss "colorful metaphors" and our coarse American culture in Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home.)

While We Wait to Hear From the President, We Answer Palin's Video With One of Our Own

Palin the Pantywaist

By Sniffles

So the famous killer from Alaska is so freaked out about the criticism over her rifle cross hairs map that she issued a pathetically defensive video statement today.

Our first thought was, hey — isn't libel written, and slander spoken?

But, never mind. In true Palin fashion, the famous killer chose a medium in which she could not be questioned or challenged. And after the murder of a federal judge, a nine-year-old girl and four others, she's decided to make this terrible tragedy All About Her.

This woman is a coward and a bully. She is the epitome of the Republicans' favorite phrase, "cut and run." She should be driven from all decent society.

Take Action Now Against the Haddock-Clubbing Moose Murderer

By Miss Kubelik

It was impossible to do this when Sarah Palin was "just" killing animals. But now that a Democratic Congresswoman whom Palin targeted in the cross-hairs of a gun sight has been shot in the head and lies in an ICU with half her skull off, we cats felt we had to take action.

So we wrote Discovery Communications and demanded that they take the famous killer from Alaska's stupid reality show off TLC immediately. Not after the season ends and the show isn't (or is) renewed. Immediately.

Failure to do so, we assured them, will result in an instant petition to our cable provider, insisting that they drop TLC from its lineup.

You can do the same here. Or call their ethics hotline at 1-800-398-6395. (If this isn't a question of ethics, what is?)

We cats always relish when a bully has to back down — and this horrible event in Tucson may at last be Palin's moment. In the words of the old song, "Hurray and hallelujah / You had it comin' to ya."